 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. For Lucky Strike means lime tobacco. Richard tasting, lime tobacco. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike, Lucky Strike. This is Don Wilson, friends. Let's take a good close look at the subject of why you smoke cigarettes. Think it over a minute, and you'll agree that the main reason, and probably the only reason you smoke, is simply that you enjoy it. You like the taste of a cigarette. Sure, smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is Lucky's taste better. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. For two very important reasons. One is L.S.M.F.T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. The tobacco in Lucky's is fine, naturally mild, good tasting. Another reason for this better taste, is that Lucky's are actually made better. Made round and firm and fully packed to draw freely and smoke evenly. Fine tobacco and a better made cigarette gives you better taste every single time. So if you go along with me that smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste, then be happy, go Lucky, because the fact of the matter is, Lucky's taste better. Get a carton of Lucky Strike and see for yourself. Be happy, go Lucky, get better taste today. From New York City, the Lucky Strike program, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Rochester, Dennis Daybock, Prosby the Cordets, and first truly, Dodwell. Ladies and gentlemen, this broadcast is coming to you from New York City, where tonight Jack Benny will also do his television show, with his special guest, Miss Helen Hayes. But right now, we're doing a radio show from the Lincoln Square Theater. We can't bring you Lincoln, but here's a real square, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, that was such a wonderful introduction you gave me. It's a shame, it's your last one. What do you mean my last one? Well Don, this show is transcribed, and the program and you will be released at the same time. But Jack... Look Don, I'm only kidding. It's just that I wanted a more dignified introduction because the program tonight is dedicated to the opening of the 1954 Red Cross campaign. And a little later in the show, President Eisenhower will speak to us from Washington. I'll say Jack, did you read that last week, President Eisenhower played golf at the club you belong to in Palm Springs, Tamaris? Yes Don, and what a thrill I got when I read that. Just imagine, the President of the United States would come off on the same tee that I drove off, putting on the same green that I put it on, tipping the same caddy that called me a cheapskate. What a thrill. You know Jack, when the President plays golf he's accompanied by 20 secret servicemen. 20 secret servicemen? I shall bet he never loses a ball. You know FBI means fine ball instantly. But anyway Don, it's exciting being here in New York again, isn't it? It certainly is Jack, and have you noticed all the changes since we were here last? You bet I have Don, they've painted the sub-treasury building, Brinks has four new trucks, and there's a brand new carpet in the Chase National Bank. Anyway Don, I'll... Excuse me Don. Hello? Hello Mr. Belly, this is Rochester. Rochester, where are you? I'm backstage at the television studio. Oh, how's everything going? Fine, fine. I've been watching Miss Hayes rehearse on the set. Oh yes, Helen Hayes. I'm sure lucky to get her as a guest star. She's some actress, isn't she Rochester? Yeah, and boss, you should have seen her this afternoon. In one minute she went from a mood of carefree, lighthearted, gady, to the pent-up emotions of anger, frustration, and despair. Gee, what scene was that? No scene, she was reading a contract. Well Rochester, she's probably nervous. Everybody gets excited before a live television show. On the contrary, boss, everyone's very calm here. Your producer is taking a nap, the director is reading a magazine, and the writers are playing cards. In fact, we've had only one attempt of nerves all afternoon. Really, who had it? Your makeup man. My makeup man, but Rochester, this makeup man in New York has never worked on me before. He's never even seen me. Did you describe me to him? Did you tell him that I'm only 39 years old? No, I even went further than that. I told him you had skin like a peach. Well, good, good. What did he say? He asked me if I'd ever seen the skin on a 39-year-old peach. What are you laughing at? All right, all right. I'll talk to you later. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. Now what? I was just wondering if I could have tomorrow off. Tomorrow? But Rochester, just last week you had three days off. Oh, boss, you're not going to count them, are you? We were on the train. Well, you have nothing to do? Nothing. Every time we came to a stop, you threw a white coat on my back, jumped a whisper in my hand, and we split the tips. All right, you can have tomorrow off. I'll see you later. Goodbye. Goodbye. Was that right, Chester? What did you say, Don? I say, was that right, Chester? If it wasn't, I'd been talking to a giraffe with a sore throat. I slip one in, you know? I'm an ad-libbing fool, you know? Except I got it written in pencil. I didn't tell anybody. Don, Rochester's over at the television studio watching a rehearsal. Oh, Jack, how did you manage to get such a wonderful actress like Helen Hayes to appear on your television show? Well, Don, I heard that she was very anxious to appear on an outstanding comedy program, so I went up to her apartment, asked her to be on my show, and she accepted immediately. Well, that's amazing. I will admit, of course, I used a little trick. What did you do? I had my leg in a cast. She thought I was Jackie Gleason. You know, Don, sometimes you have to be very clever about how you... See who that is, will you, Don? Sure, Jack. Can we speak to Mr. Benny? Say, Jack, it's a fella and four girls. They want to talk to you. To me? Yeah, Mr. Benny, my name is Rodgers and Hammerstein. Rodgers and Hammerstein? No, Rodgers and Hammerstein. The N stands for Nathan. When you told me who you were, I was amazed. You know, you have a very famous name. Yeah, I know. Nathan sells hot dogs in Coley Island. Oh, well, look, Mr. Hammerstein. Just call me Nate. Well, what can I do for you, Nate? Well, myself and these four girls here remember us at a Jack Benny fan club. I'm the president. Well, how... How long have you people been my fans? Mr. Benny, we realized you was our kind of guy when we first saw you at the Palace Theater. Gosh, when was that? Yesterday evening when you was arguing with a cashier about changing the prices. Oh, were you there? All the time till the cops broke it up. Well, look, it's very nice of you to come over, but right now I'm doing a radio show. Yeah, that's why we came over. The girls want to welcome you to New York. Now, take it, girls. Yes, you. Very good, girls. Very good. And Mr. Hammerstein. Just call me Nate. I want you to know that I appreciate your bringing the girls over to sing to me. But tell me, what was that boing at the end? I wanted that cuddle sproke. Excuse me. Come in. Hi, Jack. Well, Georgie Jessel. Georgie, what are you doing here? I'm looking for a kangaroo with a sore throat. No, I tell you why I'm here, Jack. I get one in every once in a while. I am. Jack, I'm ashamed of myself. You were good enough to emcee the testimonial dinner that the friars gave me the other night, and I didn't even get a chance to talk to you. That's all right, Georgie. You were busy. Well, I didn't feel right about it, so I thought I'd come over and say hello. Well, thanks, Georgie. That's nice of you. And as long as I'm here, I'd like to make this an occasion for welcoming you to this great and thriving metropolis. Georgie, no speeches now. I just got a few notes. Yes, my good people. You could all be striving without point or purpose. George, I'm doing a program. And on behalf of the 8 million residents of this community, we welcome you, Jack Benny, to the great city of New York. Is, uh... is that all? No, I'd like a glass of water now. I've never seen such a guy. When other people meet, they shake hands. He delivers an address. I'm sorry, Jack. That's all right. By the way, Georgie, this is my announcer, Don Wilson. Yes, of course. You know, Don, which I've been to Toastmaster. Oh, you have? Yeah, and if you'd look up from your plate once in a while, you'd see me, too. Say, George, I hear Jack made a very good MC at the dinner the friars gave you. Don Jack was just wonderful. He said so many nice things about me. Oh, he did? Yes, he did. His speech was so beautiful. He paid me such flowing compliments. I sat there thinking, either he's lying or I'm dead. Georgie, I could have paid you a lot more compliments, many more. In fact, I had so much material left over that I had planned to do a sketch tonight based on your life. Oh, no. This is your show, and the friars have already honored me. So let's do a sketch that I've written about your life. But I'd rather do your life. No, no. This is a half-hour program, and the way I've lived, you'd never get mine in, believe me, Jack. Well, that's the way you feel. Go ahead, let's hear it. Now, this is a story about my life. Your life? Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, the Jack Benny story. Or you can't take it with you because he owns it. And music. Our story begins with the birth of Jack Benny in the year 1894, 39 years ago. It happens in the little town of Warkeegan, Illinois. The park parents gazed with the light on the blue-eyed baby. And it was at this moment that Jack Benny's voice was heard for the first time. Look at him, Papa. He's so cute. Yes. We'll call him Jackie. Doctor, I want to ask you something. Oh, I know all parents think their children are unusual. But honestly, doctor, isn't our Jackie different from most babies you've delivered? I can't tell. I'm also a veterinarian. Look at little Jackie, Papa. He's got your mouth. And he's got your nose. And he's got your eyes. And he's got your ears. But look at his hair. That's mine. It slipped off. There it is, Jackie. Quiet now. Now, Mr. Benny, about my feet. No, don't worry, doctor. Just mail your bill and my son, Jackie, will send you a check. Well, thank you very... Well, now, wait a minute. Your son here, Jackie, he's only a few minutes old. How can he send me a check? Well, I don't know how he did it, but he's already saved $800. And so the little baby began to grow and make rapid progress. At the age of six months, he astounded medical science because he had 32 teeth. All of them. Ah. Ah, but Jack was a happy little child. And all day long, he used to sit in his crib playing with his toys. And as he grew older, his parents gave him everything he wanted. But Jack wasn't an only child. He had a younger sister named Florence. Today has an older sister named Florence. But the years passed, and finally, Jackie entered school. And as a student, he was exceptionally bright, and particular in arithmetic. And now, for the next question, I will call on Jackie Benny. Yes, teacher? Now, Jackie, if you loaned $10 to Albert and $5 to Irving and $15 to Tommy, and they all paid you back at once, how much money would you have? $31. I'm sorry, Jackie, but the correct answer is only $30. What about the interest? Oh, yes, I forgot. And that reminds me, Jackie, I'll pay you the money I owe you Friday. Good. Good. What? It was easy to see that there was something about Jackie that was different from other boys. In his class, there was one little boy who lived near the stockyards. There was another whose home was above a livery stable, and still another who lived next door to a glue factory. Yet Jackie was the only kid in his class called Stinky. But somehow, he seemed to know that he was destined for a musical career. And for the next few years, he took violin lessons regularly. No, no, no. How many times must I tell you? Smoothly, smoothly. I'm sorry. You'll play it again. Only this time, hold the bow with one hand. You are not high-cub. That's right. Not today. The song she is over. Oh, well, goodbye, Professor. Wait, you did not pay me. Mr. Benny, I want my money. Well, Jack was persistent about his violin playing, and he took lessons here. Mr. Benny, my money. After years. Mr. Benny, my money. After years. Finally came the day of his graduation from elementary school. It was a proud moment for Jack and his parents. But that was the day that he put on his first pair of long pants. He looked kind of bulky over his diapers. As he was preparing to leave the house, his parents looked at him proudly and they said, Jackie, we're proud of you. Thanks, Mother. I'm so excited. Look at him, Mama. Doesn't he look handsome? He should look handsome. He's got your mouth. And he's got your nose. And he's got your eyes. And he's still got my hair. You'll get it. You'll get it. Let him graduate first. And we want to get there early. He's going to play a violin solo. It's relatives, teachers, and fellow graduates. Your kind reception to my musical offering has filled my little heart with joy. But I don't deserve all this applause alone. I'm a music teacher. That wonderful man, that brilliant genius, that great... Never mind the compliments. I want my money. Jack Benny's schooling and violin study were interrupted by World War I when he entered the armed forces. He was really too young to go, but his father was on the draft board. Earlier in 1917, we find Jack no longer a boy, but a man ready to enter the Navy. Goodbye, Papa. Go already. With the war over, Jack's parents knew he'd soon be home and they made preparations. They moved. So Jack decided on Boardville as a career. It was about this time that many changes took place in the entertainment world. New innovations had come along. Radio, talking pictures. And in one picture called Lucky Boy, a handsome young leading man named Georgie Gessel scored an immediate smash hit as he sang, One bright and guiding light strong from right, I found in my mother's eyes. Georgie, Georgie, look it. Close baby tales she told. That road all paved with hope. Georgie, look it. It's me. It's my life story. Oh yes, I'm sorry. With the advent of radio, many stars were made overnight. One of the brightest was the man who always opened his show with. Hello again. From this, he became a star. When Jack realized that he was a bigot on radio, he decided to get his own program and first he looked for an announcer. He didn't have to look far because Don Wilson was everywhere. So you want to be a radio announcer, eh? Yes, sir. Have you had any experience? A little. Well, before I hire you, I'd like to audition you. Yes, sir. Listen to this. LS, MFT, LS, MFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Very good. To get better taste in a cigarette, you must begin with fine tobacco. That's right. There's no substitute for fine tobacco. And don't let anybody tell you different. Oh, I won't. I won't. Take your knee out of my stomach. So LS, MFT, yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So Don Wilson was hired even though at that time Jack was on for jello. Actually, Jack assembled his cast. He took Mary out of the stocking counter at the May Company. He reclaimed Phil Harris from a Bowery mission. But he had a hard time getting Dennis to pay. The old grinder didn't want a part with him. With the success in radio, Jack decided to go into motion pictures. And one night he happened to be at a gay party where every big producer in Hollywood was present. And feeling that this was his opportunity, Jack approached Mr. Warner, the head of the Warner Brothers Studio. Mr. Warner, I realize it's not considered proper to mix business with pleasure. But there's no reason why I can't be a big success in the movies. And I feel that if you and I put our heads together, we can come up with a role that would not only suit my particular talents, but will also... Never mind. Just park my car. Yes, sir. So Jack parked Mr. Warner's Cadillac. But he persisted and finally made a number of pictures for Warner Brothers, climaxed by the horn blows at midnight. It was exactly one month after this picture was released that Jack met Mr. Warner at another party. But Mr. Warner, there's no sense being mad at me. When you're a producer, you got to take chances. And I feel that if you and I... Never mind. Just park my Chevrolet. But although he ruined others, Jack continued to do well. And so he decided to move into a new house in Beverly Hills with its faithful valet Rochester. Boss, this house is sure beautiful. Yes, it is Rochester, but you know, I've been thinking. About what? Well, a house isn't really a home without a woman. Want me to get married? Never mind. And so Jack moved into the home which he still resides at. Ladies and gentlemen, this brings us up to the present. Although Jack Benny has won the respect of his colleagues, the acclaim of the public and every award that he could possibly achieve, he's still the same man that he was when he started out. And knowing Jack as well as I do, I know that his greatest thrill came one day three years ago in a simple little presentation that the public doesn't even know about. And so, Mr. Benny, from our government in Washington, I would like to give you this. Gee, a $37 tax refund. And so, ladies and gentlemen, on this happy note, we end our story. Well, Jack, that's it. Georgie, I think you did a wonderful job in presenting my life story, and I want to thank you. Well, Jack, you deserve it. Thanks, Georgie, and tonight may be the two of us. You deserve it because you've always had an abundance of our three great qualities, faith, hope, and character. Georgie, don't get started again. Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have, but you're... Georgie, don't start again, please. Look, Georgie, I don't want speeches. The half hour is nearly over now. We must get down to fundamental. Georgie, please. Georgie, don't spoil everything. You did my life. But, Georgie, look at Georgie. This was my life. You're spoiling the whole thing. Oh, for heaven's sake! Let me talk! Now, ladies and gentlemen, as I mentioned before, tonight's program is dedicated to the 1954 Red Cross campaign. We now take you to Washington, where the next voice you will hear will be that of Mr. E. Roland Harriman, chairman of the American Red Cross who, in turn, will present the president. Members and friends of the Red Cross. Tomorrow begins the month in which good neighbors all over the land will pledge themselves to serve their neighbors by joining the American Red Cross. Volunteer workers will visit your homes and offices to tell you what is being done to help the people who, day after day, turn to your Red Cross in time of emergency and distress, who turn to you because you, as members of the Red Cross, are active partners in all its friendly deeds. We hope there will soon be 30 million of you on the Red Cross membership role, so that when the Red Cross serves, you all will be there. This year, our financial goal is $85 million. It is the active members behind the $85 million, the volunteers who make Red Cross funds go so far and do so much. It is now my privilege and honor to present our most distinguished volunteer, an active member who each year is one of the first to renew his membership in the American Red Cross. Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States. Thank you, Mr. Harriman. My fellow Americans and Red Cross members, Americans believe in the Red Cross. I personally believe in it. First, because I know from my own experience the great good it accomplishes in war and peace. Second, because I believe in the fundamental principle of Red Cross, the principle of people helping people. Through the Red Cross, Americans have helped the men and women in our armed forces. In generation after generation, American servicemen have turned to the Red Cross with their personal problems, their family emergencies, and the Red Cross has responded. It has responded quickly and generously. Through the Red Cross, the people of this nation have constantly relieved the pain and suffering of the American citizens trapped by natural disasters. The homeless and the hungry have been sheltered and fed. Victims of disaster lacking the means to rebuild and refurnish their homes have found in the Red Cross the assistance they needed. And because the American people have donated their blood as well as their money, the Red Cross during the last decade has given life itself and donated by the American people has saved not only the wounded on the battlefields of World War II and Korea, but the sick and injured in more than 3,000 hospitals here at home. The Red Cross has provided and with your help will continue to provide vast quantities of blood products. Products such as Gamu Aglabula, which helps our children avoid the horrible paralysis caused by polio. So much for the material contributions of the Red Cross. But beyond all this, the Red Cross abundantly provides faith in the innate goodness of people, in their ability to work together for the nation's good. It exemplifies the enormous power which kindness and generosity can exert to move men closer to the day when the rule of force will be banished from the world and when the golden rule will guide the actions of mankind. Through your Red Cross you give special meaning to this faith in humanity. I am confident that this year as in the past, the American people will join the Red Cross in its magnificent efforts to comfort our fellow men. Thank you, Mr. President and ladies and gentlemen, please join the Red Cross. Your membership is urgently needed. Good night, folks. Welcome to you on the CBS Radio Network.