 This is quite cheesy, but it's also a necessary thing to say and I don't care who's cheesy because I'll come to life with Lydia It's kind of my aesthetic, you know I was I finally found a really quiet place to record and I'm gonna set my phone up there one because the lighting is needed So the dear future me it's been so long since I said that I haven't done one of these videos In around two years So yeah, here we are Enough of looking at the past times look on what's to do the future You've had two months going on three months of stability Which is more than you could have said the month in the months prior I'm not so excited anymore, and I hope you're not now you've moved on from so much negativity in your life And you live in London, which is a pretty interesting for our humans around. That's not okay You're living in London living your life, and I hope you're still enjoying your life Don't tell me father not rabbit hole. I know tumble as a bitch get off it. Yes. I'm telling myself off in the future The next thing is important. Right. This is the most important thing in this video Do you still have bright hair? The bright hair is the important thing, you know, we like the bright, okay? It's not very bright. I need to read out your what hair. I like the bright hair. If you haven't got bright hair Why why would you leave this life? Please tell me you haven't forgiven those people who caused you pain Please tell me you've improved on it. Like you don't need the negativity. Don't forgive the negative people They're bad stick to positive people. I'm currently almost 21. That is a scary number 21. Oh god. I'm considered stable. Whoo. I need to party papa And I hope you're stable too because stability. I'm almost 21 and I'm considered stable and Really, I hope I am still now and I'm watching this in the future. Um, we hit rock bottom this year We've been through a lot. We've been through a lot you and I can't deny it Same person. We hit rock bottom this year and we have literally Been in a custody suite under arrest Because we were suicidal. We went on trial in court and won and yeah, that shit was hard You're like can't deny that can't we but we got through it and we're still alive and that's the important Don't be ashamed of this story and don't let anyone tell you that you should be you're a lot stronger than you think And a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for and I hope that it's something you always genuinely remember I'm sorry. Yes, I am. What's up guys? I'm literally lying on the floor in the middle of London. How great My life's fun, isn't it? It's a cool fountain over there. So I decided to film here And I hope my audio isn't too shit. I'm not afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of not finding the light once again I love that quote because it's so stupid in the young like that's my justification. I'm cool. I'm fun You're what's all worth it, Olivia. It's all worth it It's a while weird filming outside guys. This is weird as fuck I didn't film outside in front of people that much And my camera nearly flew off the side. That's great. There's a train going underneath me There's world mental health day and I want you to know there's always support app There is always how always remember that you are the train driver and you can't control the trap But you can control moving forwards. So my push backwards sucks But you can pick yourself back up and fight back harder than you have before I've said this in videos and you can't expect other people to do the work for you You have to want to do it yourself. This year I've put in a lot of work on myself Been through hell and back and here we are. Still alive and fighting and doing better than I have before My entire channel is based on mental health awareness. I released a book earlier this year I bought mental health for them. I'm not learning some recovery Try that one. I feel not very good at looking at people. I'm going to shout out part of my video because that's a short part but I can do that on the floor So it looks a bit less weird. I say that it really doesn't look But hey. So in this video I decided to shout out some of the creators I've been watching And there's a fucking trailer. A few people I've decided to go for are mental health advocate And they talk about mental health online. They talk about their dreams. They're just inspirational human beings. I have gone for K also known as by Perlopold here on YouTube I've gone for Jason. Also known as Jason Stanley Cantor. Hattie. Also known as Hattie Gladwell. She writes articles for Metro Confessions of a former mental patient Twitter is a Twitter user who talks about mental health and their journey And then there's a blog that I've just written in my school called be your own life blog I follow them on Twitter and I'll link all of these people in the description down below What's going on you guys? I'm currently sat in my kitchen. Fun, I know This blog is very interesting And the person I want to give a shout out to who has supported this channel Unbelievable. Another believable amount Is a girl called Lucy and her Twitter is LucyCostmedia I will leave a link to her in the description I've said this before in videos I'll say it again Can't expect someone to pick you up and fix you You have to be willing to put in the time and the effort to kind of move yourself forward Yeah, support helps for people but ultimately you are the only person who can improve your life Not saying that professional health doesn't help because it does It's there for a reason This year I've kind of been up and down and towards the end of the year This channel's turned into something really positive and productive And throw mental health awareness and all of that Which is amazing and that's important I also wrote a book this year which is themed entirely around mental health The journey I went on this year Serenity also wrote a chapter in this book And I'll leave a link to Serenity's stuff in the description Serenity has also been kind of a person for this video Serenity wrote a bit of the book as well and that'll be linked in the description If you haven't already bought it I'd recommend reading it It's a great thing and it helps me So all these things will be linked in the description down below I hope you guys are doing amazing If you're new here hit subscribe button You know what? Vlogging when you have really bad anxiety and having a new medication today Is the worst thing ever And also try not to give away where you live It's also quite hard Because when you find somewhere there's people When you find somewhere you can't really do it There's no people and it's terrible It's horrible, it's annoying And this camera's really fucking heavy Life is fun kids, have fun Like I mean too, it's like kids, have fun, there's a path I don't know why I said that I'm a good person Shortlist to the win, yo I hate that, I just said that Impressive I need to stop wearing my glasses on my head I'm just gonna pack my outfit In shot You know exactly what I'm doing Harder to get on than you think What is wrong with me? What is? Like what actually is wrong with me? Other than everything I'm not Hi Hi They're not weird about my vlogs I've kind of got a bit more confident with them And I'm now Logan Paul So I walk and talk to the camera I'm really not Logan Paul Please don't compare me to Logan Paul I was gonna set a big joke that I'm not gonna make actually So I'll be kind of ironic But hey Hi guys I'm Lydia I'm 20 and I live in London I like a few new You know If you go back far enough on this channel You can see the point like this year Which was horrendous And now I walk and vlog I don't I've just got another human line Taking advantage of them Have we actually been up here? Should we walk this way? So my channel's based on mental health awareness To those of you who don't know And it's been a journey innit Really So in my videos I advocate for mental health positivity And not feeling crippled while you're diagnosis Like don't feel like it's such a bad thing Everyone has a mental health If you have mental illness It's fine You can go home You can move on in life It doesn't have to define life Whether it means taking medication Going to therapy Seeing someone It's always fine You can always get through it I'm trying to build up my confidence with vlogging in public That's the aim of this vlog Okay I'm trying to get used to vlogging in public And the only way I can do it really is by getting Serenny to hold the camera And it's working Because Lydia's actually talking to a camera While walking And this vlog is about vlogging with anxiety But it's mainly for like people who want to get more confident With like taking photos in public Or vlogging in public Without feeling like a fucking weirdo Which I do feel a bit like a weirdo Don't get me wrong There's a fucking gigantic ass camera in front of me That I'm talking to it But I want to build my confidence And that's what this vlog is about And I hope you guys are enjoying it And I'm going to start recording So I know my camera is splashing on the red And I want to get another shot before I go home And don't want you to know where I live So yeah Bye Okay This is just for UK Because I'm going to bother you I'm a depressed person Wait, wait, wait I can do it properly That's just for UK There we go And cut