 When the wheel was red everybody figured she'd been crazy when she wrote it and that included me But I changed my mind after spending a night on an island with a pig a cat and an ape Because in reality they were people From the pen of Raymond Chandler outstanding author of crime fiction comes his most famous character as CBS presents the adventures of Phillip Barlow And now with Gerald Moore starred as Phillip Marlowe we bring you tonight's unusual story where there's a will I'd spent the whole day on a noisy job, which had concerned itself with a lot of people who talked a lot and said nothing When I finally locked up my office for the night. I was worn out As I drove slowly along the street. I was glad to be heading for home and little peace and quiet At least that's what I thought But when I pulled up for a full stop sign only a half a block from my apartment Something happened which brought my little dream of peace and quiet to an end a car door opposite me flew open and something mighty excited jumped in I'm being followed. Drive on please the law. No, please drive on. Okay, lady. Get a good grip on the upholstery That ought to do it now what's that? say you look a little pale and Beautiful I'm always pale when my heart's in my mouth Well, why don't you swallow once take a deep breath and tell me who was after you there isn't much to tell It was a nasty little man. That's all I know So thanks for making like Barney old field and good night. Hey, hey, not so fast It's impolite to hitch and run look mister right now I'm up to my earrings in trouble and that leaves very little time for small talk with strangers Even nice one well in that case the name is Phillip Marlowe, which takes care of the stranger part And I'm a private detective which makes trouble my business Where do we go from there? No place $300,000 worth of hidden bonds a screwy old lady in a sculptor with a red beard or too much for any one-man police force Mr. Marlowe so again. Good night before I could say anything. She was out and God There was only the heady scent of taboo in the air And the memory of a gorgeous profile with jet-black hair pale blue eyes And I sighed like a schoolboy and decided to put her under the heading of things that pass in the night But I couldn't Why out of all the cars in Los Angeles should she have picked on mine? Well the next morning as I was walking down the corridor to my office door. I was still seeing pale blue eyes Maybe that's why I didn't notice the man who waited outside my door until I was almost on top of him He was well dressed in about 35 He looked like a man who had forgotten how to smile Marlowe right. I want to compliment you on your behavior last night, Mr Marlowe Barbara told me about it Come on in mr. Shields Edward Shields Would you be interested in aiding three people in a search for more than a quarter of a million dollars in negotiable bonds? One percent of which will be yours if the bonds are found Being a fairly fast man with figures. Yes. Yes, I was plenty. I'd like to few details Well, mr. Marlowe my aunt Bernice may you saw died leaving her entire fortune to charity with the exception of the bonds I mentioned those are to be divided equally among three of us the soul If we find them within 24 hours That sounds like something you dream about after a midnight snack of pizza and pigs knuckles perhaps But you didn't know my aunt Beside myself the beneficiary is our Barbara Haynes the girl you met last night She was and Bernice's personal secretary and another nephew Harlin Crane who at the moment happens to be a sculptor Happens to be six months ago. He was a sailor before that earth Writer without even a rejection slip to his name My cousin is irresponsible impetuous and completely self-invited will itself mr. Shields What are the exact conditions at precisely noon today the three of us are to meet with Luther Willard my beloved aunts lawyer Who will give us each a large sheet of tissue paper covered with specific markings? Individually the sheets mean absolutely nothing But combined one over the other the transparent sheets form a coherent map to the location of the bond But why all the intrigue my dear departed aunt had a peculiar sense of humor in addition to this she was never particularly fond of any of us she was sure that our Individual shortcomings would make cooperation among us impossible Even for so short a period is 24 hours and the fact that a man followed Miss Haynes last night convinced you that there was something to that I can convince me no he may have been nothing but a person at you nevertheless, I do feel that to play safe for fourth party a Custodian of the map so to speak would be advised. That's fine. When do I go to work? Mr. Shields at noon at the Lawyer's office However, I regret the first you must be approved by the third air I don't like to ask us mr. Marlowe, but would you mind very much calling on my cousin Arlen? Personally, not at all. As a matter of fact, I think he might prove very interesting. Yes, I'm sure he will As interesting as an ape in the zoo I Felt like saying look shields and not as gullible as I look Then I thought a client's a client and I decided to play along Harlan Crane six-foot red bearded giant talked as he worked wielding a ten pound sculptors mallet Like it was an 18th century quill Money isn't everything to me and never has been Over a hundred thousand dollars will buy a lot of Marvel half the state of a mod I'd say But come any of the point mr. Crane do I get you a seal of approval? You'll be all right Anyone who can get by shields the all-american screws ought to do thanks a million enough being Personal where you're concerned. It's just a matter of facing a fact bluntly Edward Shields is conniving Avericious and dull I hardly recommend him to nobody and the girl Bob Ray feel the same way about her No, I don't And the truth of the matter Marlowe is that I know very little about Barbara Haynes What I do know I like very much now that I can understand Well, do you realize that once you have the whole map in your possession you worth an awful lot of money? Of course I do the whole map. I have a market value of exactly three hundred thousand dollars. That's right, fellow $300,000 dead or alive I Know it was small at me, but I didn't exactly see the joke and things got less funny as time went on Later as me in my trio get off the elevator at the lawyer's office Old Luther Willard and Bernice's attorney was waiting for us so excited. He could hardly talk Hi, I've been held up a little man. He wanted the map Yes, yes at a scar on the side of his neck. How are they maps? All right, hmm the maps. Oh, yes Yes, they're all now wait a minute. Wait a minute everybody give him a chance. Mr. Willard. Tell us exactly what happened This is mr. Marlowe told you about him. Mr. Willard, of course. Yes. Yes, I come into my office You see I was putting some papers into my safe when this little man stepped up behind me and demanded the maps Well, would they in the safe? No. No, thank heavens. Oh make yourselves comfortable the maps mr. Willard Where are they now? Oh question right here where they were all the time here under the blotter on my desk Clever of you wasn't it? Wax seals still intact. I'll take all three of them right now. Mr. Willard. That is if there are no objections All right, then I guess we can be on our way hold on mr. Marlowe There are still two things you people must know First in the event the bonds are not recovered within the 24 hours I am instructed to open another sealed envelope which I'm happy to report as kept in my bank vault that envelope contains a complete and simplified map and is to be turned over to a designated charity and second if any of you die before the allotted time is up The bonds are to be divided among the surviving persons and if none of us survives mr. Willard Why in that case the bonds again go to charity you see Harlin your aunt was a very generous woman After arranging to meet with the three areas of Shields place later that afternoon I headed for the nice and public public library where I figured I'd be able to examine the maps and safety By placing the three maps exactly one over the other I saw that the bonds were hidden on the larger of two squares of land Called Twin Islands, which were the personal property of the late Bernice Mayhew Shaw and Located in Indian Lake in the San Bernardino Mountains As I left the library with the three maps in my pocket I felt like a well-fed mallard on the opening day of hunting season And I knew I was being followed As I slipped into a doorway and turned I saw it was the nasty little man with a scar All right, you were through playing tag Not yet shorty not until you talk loud and clear All right, if you're sure you can get it all straight the first time There are the whole story beginning middle and end Yeah Yeah, like you say whole story Okay Starts by the time I figured out that it had been the sawed-off end of a broomstick that had slammed my stomach up against my back bone The little man was out of sight Another five minutes went by before I quit calling myself sucker and I started to think straight nearest public locker was in the Santa Fe Trailways bus depot on Cahuenga I Went up there and deposited two-thirds of the map for safekeeping until we were ready to leave for Indian Lake And I found a telephone and a half a dozen calls later I knew that a caretaker named Jumbo was the sole inhabitant of Twin Islands and my last call was to him I Wanted some kind of a well-meat gaming committee ready for us I left the phone booth. It was only one o'clock So I returned to my apartment where I figured I'd rest until three When we were all to meet at Shields place That was my second mistake Because the moment I closed my apartment door, I was positive. I wasn't going to get much rest. I had an unannounced visitor Yeah, you look surprised mr. Malone. I am I didn't recognize you at first without your broomstick Yeah, I traded that in on this 22-target pistol here It's more expensive, but it's better makes me as big as you are maybe bigger. Yeah, but how much does it do for your personality? quite a bit Gives me poise and poise gives me manners So when asking for that nap in your pocket, I'll even say please Come on Malo. I won't say please twice. No, I don't think you wouldn't here Thank you Now before I go one more thing The hall outside here is straight in there right to the stairs and that makes it fine for shooting So after I step out don't do anything rash for a while So loving life as I do I didn't do anything rash for a while In fact, I could have whipped up a nice seven-minute frosting before I moved it all And I phoned the three airs to get together at my apartment When I finally had them all seated in front of me. I related the saga of the little man Including my premonition that one of the three present was signing his paychecks Of course, I got nothing but Cupid doll innocence out of any of them So after adding that we'd get underway just as soon as the missing one-third of the map was returned to me I Through my trench coat of my arm and told him I was going for a walk But before leaving them I reminded them that whoever was behind the little man could fire him Because I would never have kept all three maps in one place anyway Unless all of the airs were on hand to watch one another then I left I Hadn't walked more than a half a block up Franklin when I stopped at the sound of Barbara running after me Feel I'm scared Harlan and Shield are acting like a couple of wild men calling each other every name under the sun What'd you expect your chat about the weather? I quit acting like a Bobby sock So within squealing distance of Sinatra and try a cigarette. It'll come you're Are you smiling like that? What's wrong? Nothing's wrong Barbara and nothing It's just that I found this in the pocket of my trench coat when I went for my cigarettes. It's the map. That's right The missing third it's back already When that missing third part of the map turned up so fast I figured the airs had decided to play ball But I made a mental note to keep my eyes on them anyway At three o'clock I went to Edward Shields Hillside House and Laurel Canyon for the scheduled meeting Shields wasn't home yet, but cousin Harlan was there admiring the view Barbara showed up a few minutes later in a convertible and Shields arrived last by cab It finally began to look as though we might actually start out all together. Well, I See we all arrived safe and sound. Yeah Disappointed only by your clumsy attempts at humor Harlan stop it boys. Let's get started Phil if you looked at the map Where are we going to Indian Lake? It's a four-hour drive So if you're already I suggest we get started very well I'll go up to the garage and get the car so Aunt Bernice hid the buns in a roost at Twin Islands, eh? Well, well Nobody seems surprised at the location Aunt Bernice had chosen to hide her buns And Harlan Barbara and I stood on the front porch watching Shields as he climbed the very steep driveway to his garage in the car But Barbara got more of my attention in Shields She made a mighty dreamy picture She leaned casually back against the rail of the porch She wasn't aware that I was watching her And I suddenly saw a goat tense her eyes filled with fear and I quickly turned to follow us there Shields car was going at a rapid clip down the steep driveway I still couldn't figure out Barbara's concern and then she started screaming The car is out of control. The car was headed to the edge of a cliff. This breaks her out. You go over The tree stopped him. Shields are you hurt? No. No, I'm all right the brakes I tried to stop them. You hadn't hit that tree. You're gone over the edge Have a look at those brake shields Well, no wonder what is it break lines broken every drop of fluid drained out. I might have been killed. No might about it Shields We stood there for a while all looking at one another, but nothing was said break lines rarely snap Accidentally, I remembered that Harlan had been at Shields house early and the car had been in the garage and Barbara Well, I had to admit that she actually had anticipated the car going out of control Well at 24 hours for finding the bonds were slipping by and I knew we had to get to Indian Lake We held a short power without passing the peace pipe. We decided to take Barbara's car We picked up the rest of the map which I checked at the bus station and we shoved off After a four-hour drive there was about as relaxing as the thought of an overdue time bomb and a day nursery We finally pulled up to the shores of Indian Lake Jombo the caretaker was waiting at the dock He knew how to handle a boat and a few minutes later. We could see twin islands We headed for the smaller of the two where I could make out a rambling lodge The other island a quarter of a mile away seemed deserted Shields was the first one to shore Yeah, Barbara, let me help you run along boy. I'll help Barbara. Thanks Harlan Well Marla what now well first we go up to the house. Oh Jombo. You got everything ready for us. Hey Jombo It's like you said open for the upstairs rooms open the rooms We're not gonna sleep out here. We're gonna try but this isn't a vacation. We're here to find the bonds and get out You realize it's almost nine already that leaves us just 15 hours. Marlowe. Yeah, I know I got a good watch and I count the 24 and I'm also giving orders to you Don't get high-handed Marlowe. You're an employee of ours and that's all Let's get them up together and start looking for those bonds right now Take it easy big man The bonds are hidden on the other island the map is as tangled as a second-hand spider web Wouldn't get anything at all down in the dark Europe. Look you people hired me to help you find those bonds I have to get nasty to make it take orders. I can do that, too Let's play like we're smart and go up to the lodge and relax We'd better have those bonds by tomorrow or someone else will be nasty very nasty and I mean What you two Getting the three airs settled down at dinner table was quite a chore And when I was sure they'd keep an eye on each other I slipped outside I Hit one third of the map in a drain pipe And I went upstairs to my room and I hit another third in the window shape Now the maps were settled and I began to think about other things like like the accident the shield's car There were too many accidents and coincidences to suit me So I decided to drop in on cousin Holland's room to see what I could see After 15 fruitless minutes I was about to leave when Something in the wastebasket caught my eye The corner of a half-hidden handkerchief monogram HC I had just picked it up when I saw a jumbo standing in the open door Handkerchief there in your hand That blood on it. No Now it looks more like brake fluid and in this case is practically the same thing, huh? I think we'll leave it right here in the wastebasket jumbo. No, did you want something? There's one to say I'll be in my own place out back if you want me okay, you know where mr. Shields is Alone yeah, thanks jumbo if I need anything, I'll call you good night Shields oh, oh it's you Marla What's wrong sound like a man expecting trouble? I was nearly killed in my car this afternoon, and I don't think that was the end of it Yeah, and don't stand too close to high windows. Thank you It's comforting to know that I am not alone in my suspicions. Maybe uh, how are you betting on the beauty or the beast? Don't be absurd. I hope someday to marry Barbara. Yeah The guy might be beating your time right now with a sculptors mallet. You may be naive mr. Marlowe, but Barbara isn't I saw them just a moment ago walking down to the boathouse Harlan's galloping after her like a half-baked idiot as usual, but if miss Haynes prefers me What can he do about it? There was an answer for that, but it seemed a little obvious under the circumstances But a few minutes later shields went inside and I made a beeline for the boathouse to Watered down a certain hot-headed sculptor named Harlan when I got with an air shot I knew I'd be as welcome as whooping car for the glassblower's convention, so I stopped and listened Barbara darling, I'm falling in love with you. You know that don't you? Let me hold you close Harlan It's real Barbara for the first time in my life. I'm truly in love. I want to do things for you make you happy Please wait. I'm not completely free. There are still ties with Edward, you know She's a fat stingy babbit. He's no man for you. Why if he so much as touches you from now on up? Wait a minute Barbara Marlowe you cheap snooping eavesdropping is a minor vice compared to some of the Shenanigans going on around here. What do you mean by that? A word to the wise is sufficient. You I'll give a few more Somebody's trying to cut our little triangle down to two sides before noon tomorrow What I've seen so far. I don't like so I'm warning everybody. What are you accusing me of? Harlan stop it. Don't be a fool You cavemen control yourselves into those bonds are found. Come on Harlan. Let's go in Good night Marlowe. Don't get your head caught in any transom Deciding sleep wouldn't be very healthy for a man in my position. I decided to sit up that night And it was about two o'clock when I looked out the window and saw something mighty interesting Light was moving on the other island opposite us. I got hold of John over there as fast as we could It's lights that are hitting tomorrow Thanks to me like it's up in the picnic shelter. Yeah, I'll see you later John Bo Guess who here you come up Winds too strong. I guess I'm glad to see you spooky here all alone. Oh sure. Sure. What's the idea decide do a little freelance prospecting? No, that's right Bernice may you have this spot and I had a hunch. She hid the bonds here in the base of this table. I guess I was wrong. Oh Come on Marlowe limber up. You can't blame me for trying listen beautiful. Don't flap your eyelashes at me I can't see anything but double crosses right now All right, if you've had your fun, let's go back to the lodge. Don't be that way Phil Phil The Sun will be coming up in two or three hours Why not wait for it here with me? Barbara Baby don't burn up too many calories with that routine Because I only keep one third of the map on me. You think you're so smart bright ideas hatching that cute little brain of yours, too Now let's see who comes the gun with a pearl handle no less stay away from me Marlowe over there Hey, what's going on here? Jumbo stepped into the light and Bob returned I made a swipe at a gun hand that knocked pistol person lamp all over the picnic show I found the gun and gave it to Jumbo Then I started to pick up an assortment of knick-knacks that it spilled out of a purse But I never finished because one of the items made my eyes pop It was the monograms handkerchief covered with brake fluid that I found in Holland's room It all made sense now it tied up everything that I'd suspected right along Only two of my trio had planned to split up to three hundred thousand dollars worth of bonds from the first As I ran for the motor launch. I yelled at Jumbo to bring Barbara over in the rowboat All the way back. I had the panicky feeling that I was probably too late When I sneaked in the front door of the lodge There was still two voices and they came from the open kitchen door My hand on my gun I edged along the wall and peaked in sales You're a fool perhaps, but I'm going to kill you and have a perfect case of self defense What are you talking about? You're a hopelessly framed cousin Harlan. I ruined the brakes on my own car I planted your handkerchief stained with brake fluid in your room Marlowe found it He's convinced that you tried to kill me. He's also convinced that he was brought into this whole thing by Coincidence he doesn't know that he was deliberately involved in our search for the bonds just so he'd make a reputable witness You're out of your mind not at all I'm going to kill you and say it was self-defense Marlowe will testify that you tried to kill me before what Marlowe's gonna do is blow Your head off if you don't drop that gun shields Marlowe. Yeah, Marlowe Knows he wasn't brought into this thing by coincidence, but it stuck around to see the fireworks who almost saw them just now Barbara couldn't you hold Marlowe on the other island you shut up shields Barbara's little mistake was that she should have gotten rid of Harlan's handkerchief after she took it out of his room So he wouldn't see it Barbara. I don't understand You you planned all this was sealed against me I did in the beginning Harlan, but I changed my mind when I fell in love with you I let Marlowe find the handkerchief in my place. I wanted him to stop Edward. Oh darling Don't you come on Miss Bankhead cut the dramatics the show's over. Let's have it straight, huh? All right We might as well if we're going to find those bonds before it's too late Edward and I did plan it We even hired the little man who tried to get the maps from you and when that didn't work You plan to get rid of Harlan and split the 300 grand so we failed so what we're right back where we started a hundred thousand a piece Now let's go find those bonds not so fast beautiful What happened to Harlan just now was a little more serious than a hot foot. It was attempted murder He can slap you to in the jug this minute if he wants to But I'll leave it up to him Okay, Harlan. What are you saying? It's your move No I've got a better idea Marlowe one third of that map is mine Give it to me. Okay There it is Harlan, what are you going to do? Harlan no, don't burn it there Now we all lose Now none of us will get the bonds That's probably how Aunt Bernice wanted it anyway It was almost noon. I was standing on the veranda of the lodge in a scrawny old crow was perched up on the roof I saw Barbara and Shields quietly pull away in a boat with Jumbo I saw Harlan lumbering off to the far end of the island to sell And as I watched the three of my couldn't help thinking a pig in a pinstripe suit An ape with a red beard in an alley cat and nylon Keep laughing Aunt Bernice. You were right Greed treachery and rashness don't mix even for 24 hours And the 1% of the bonds I was to get Well, that's my contribution to charity Who knows? Maybe I can take it off my income tax Oh The adventures of Philip Marlowe created by Raymond Chandler stars Gerald Moore and is produced and directed by Norman McDonald Featured in tonight's story were Mary ship, Parley Bear, Don Diamond, Ted Von Elts and Wilms Herbert The special music was conceived and conducted by Richard Orant Be sure to be with us again next week when Philip Marlowe says When I got the crisp $50 bill in advance, I figured my client had a heart of gold But after I was beat up double-crossed and shot at I realized just how hard a heart of gold could be Raymond Chandler, Dashel Hammett, John Dixon Carr, three great names in the world of mystery and thrills One down two to go today on CBS Now that you've heard Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe in action CBS invite you to hear Dashel Hammett's Sam Spade in action tonight Followed by John Dixon Carr's personally written radio series Cabin B-13 Chandler Hammett Carr today and every Sunday over most of these CBS stations It's a mystery if you miss them Roy Rowan speaking for CBS the Columbia Broadcasting System