 Confidence is a trait that seems vague and unattainable to those who don't have it. People can exhibit confidence in a multitude of ways, including how we speak. These are four common phrases that show you lack confidence. Are you guilty of using any of these? While there isn't a glossary of phrases to say that will instantly make you more confident, the following tips could be useful in helping you be more assertive and direct and, in time, more confident. 1. Sorry to bother you To be clear, there is nothing wrong with being polite and respectful. That being said, sorry to bother implies a lot in different contexts. It implies that you think of yourself, or what you're going to say, as a bother to them, rather than something of value and importance. Instead of starting with sorry to bother you, it would be more helpful to open with excuse me. This is a more useful phrase as it comes across as a respectful but firm command. It shows that what follows holds importance and that you must be excused for the interruption. Context is important. Behaving in an actively disruptive manner does not show confidence. It displays a lack of self-awareness. But assertive individuals, according to Dr. Amy C. Stevens and Professor Sharon M. Colb, get their needs met in a positive and productive manner. 2. If it's okay Some phrases that seem to show a lack of confidence can still be said with confidence. Studies show that those who lack self-confidence will change their behaviour in an attempt to be more socially accepted. They will be more wary and timid in what they say in an attempt to get the other person on their side. A phrase like if it's okay doesn't hurt anyone, but it can be used as an opening for people to disagree with you. Ending a sentence with if it's okay makes it seem as though you're not the one that wants to be in control and are allowing or anticipating an objection. You can still be respectful and diplomatic without allowing people to exploit your lack of confidence. 3. I just According to Dale Carnegie, to build self-confidence, the first step is to start with a strong and persistent desire. This strength and persistence should make itself clear in how you speak as well. Using the phrase, I just, limits the impact of what you have to say. It lacks assertiveness, which, as we discussed before, is important when it comes to appearing confident. Be clear in your intentions by speaking directly. Instead of saying, I just thought maybe we could split the cost of gas. Try. We should split the cost of gas instead. 4. I'm worried There is nothing wrong with expressing concern. Sometimes the phrase, I'm worried, gets thrown out too haphazardly. Expressing concern should always be sincere and direct. Disguising a minor inconvenience as a genuine problem by saying, I'm worried, displays a lack of confidence. This is due to the inability to be direct with your grievances. Be clear with your concerns. Instead of saying, I'm worried I won't make it on time. Take charge and speak directly. Try proposing a solution instead, like, would it be possible to postpone? Expressing worry where there could be solutions is an easy way to come across as though you lack confidence. It can be difficult to track what you're saying and to state anxiety. So, while you're working on becoming more confident, remember, it isn't always what you say. It's how you say it. Confidence is influenced by numerous factors and will fluctuate over a lifetime. There are certain skill areas, as outlined by Gene Gosey, that enable effective communication in any setting. To name a few, tone of voice, hand gestures, eye contact, pace and enthusiasm, or knowledge. These can all affect how you speak and how you appear to those who you're engaging with. Self-confidence starts with how you view yourself. Timothy J. Owens writes that each of us possess a strong propensity to cast ourselves in the best possible light, to accentuate the positive. While we want people to always think positively of us, those who are confident generally have a more positive self-image. Having a positive self-image will automatically boost your confidence, as you won't feel like you'll say the wrong thing or that you need to impress anyone. Let us know if you found this video relevant or helpful in the comments below. As usual, all of the references used are in the description box. Leave a like and share it with someone who might benefit from it. Subscribe to Psych2Go for more videos like this. We hope to see you next time. Thanks for watching!