 And the other woman, the short woman, I would like her to plan on coming up next. Right. So what's your name again? Name is Winnie. Winnie. So Winnie, tell me what I need to know about your situation. Not entirely sure where to start. Had a perfect job, was very good at it, and got pushed out. What kind of job was it? Oh boy. I guess in private, this was on a university campus. I guess in private sector, it'd be considered a program management. Say more. So at university, what kind of program? HIV, AIDS, hepatitis C. And what was your actual, were you in recruiting of patients? Were you a man of hiring people? What was your role? No. The group that I worked for did a lot of symposiums, round table meetings. Got it. And basically anything short of actual content that had to do with administration or finance was my. So you were the event planner. You selected speakers. You planned the event, the venue, the time, publicity, that kind of stuff? Not so much that felt more on the content, but more of the tracking we were donor funded, tracking the donations. How much money do we have? How much money have we spent? Who promised to send us money and still hasn't? So more of an accountant, almost like a bookkeeping accounting role? That was part of it. How do we get things processed through the bureaucracy? So processes, efficiency, getting just, you're the kind of administrative person who makes it happen. Basically, yes. So you lost that job, now what? Now what is the problem? I got pushed out front because of some workplace bullying that happened. I haven't figured out how to get restarted. So is the problem psychologically that you're fearful? Is it what's going on? What is or are the barriers? It's a lot of things. I know there have been many people who want to change careers that have come up. I had no intention of changing careers, although I'm getting a lot of advice to do so. Why? If you love doing that work, it was a dream job to use your words. If, let's say, that particular workplace, that university, you have psychological scars, and you can't go back there, well, why wouldn't you do, you know, there's plenty of program manager jobs at other similar institutions. Why wouldn't you just go to another institution and do the same kind of work? That's what I've been trying to figure out. Where do I restart it? I've lost my network. Let's talk about that. So do you like the university, a university environment? Let's start with that. I have mixed feelings about it. There's a lot of inefficiencies, certainly. It's true everywhere. It's true everywhere. But there's definitely a lot of bureaucracy that some of the stereotypes about state employees definitely hold true. That said, there are a lot of good people. They definitely believe in what they are doing. What if I said my intuition is saying that because it is so much easier to get hired at a parallel institution, if you're working at San Francisco State, it's much more likely that Cal State East Bay is going to hire you than United Way is going to hire you. There's just this sense that it's lower risk because you know the environment. If it was your dream job and you were good at it, it would be an easier sell. Let's say you lost some of your network. This is a very important point to everybody here. Most people will rely on one or two network leads or one or two jobs. And then those rarely work. Unfortunately, a job search requires more systematic approach. So if I asked you to list every college and university with an acceptable geographic distance of where you live or are willing to live, and then you try to get in through both the front door and the back door, yes, you answer ads that may be appropriate, but you also go to either their extension program where there's a lot of community outreach, or since you've had HIV experience, the medical school at Stanford or UCSF or whatever, and you try to find the name of somebody who is a program manager there or something like that. And you write her a heartfelt letter that tells you a true story, why it was such a great job, how you got bullied, that you love the work and you need to find another job because you don't feel comfortable in that environment. If you do that enough times, that's what I call in the handout, your true human story. You notice that's the thread that goes through so much of this. So many job applicants are just, they feel they've got to put on the BS. And so they use job-seeker language, seeking a position with a dynamic growing organization, and I'm a team player who delights in exceeding customer expectations. That is all bullshit. That makes every employer roll their eyes. It's only stupid career counselors who insist on using that language that makes hiring about connection. It's about having the skills, but it's also about having connection. And you never, ever create connection with, I save the company $9 billion, they don't believe you, or any of that language about those job-seeker words, seeking. Nobody seeks except when they're job-seeking. It just, it says I am putting on a persona other than who I am. So that if you write your true human story to people like program managers, similar stuff would be exactly that title, to people at 10 or 15 universities or colleges or even non-profits or even government agencies that are, the only thing they're gonna be resistant to is the for-profit sector. But if you write to 10 or 15 organizations and tell you a true human story through the back door, that is these are people who are not advertising jobs. You're asking for advice, not a job. And you're also applying for any jobs that are appropriate. Is there any reason why that real sadness that is pervading your face right now, is there any reason that wouldn't be replaced by a win? I guess when I have spoken to people, most of them don't believe the bullying. It's been very hard to explain why I left, why I've been gone for so long. Is it true, if there was a goddess, would the goddess believe you were bullied? Or the goddess say no, it's your issue? Yes. So tell me this, we're gonna create, we're gonna make this story more compelling, but with the truth. What actually happened? I'm still trying to figure that out. People are not my best point. I guess part of it was the criminal activity in the apartments, some of it was a power grab. Be specific, what actually, vague terms like power grab, criminal activity? I'm not really sure what happened. I know that I got suddenly cut off from resources that were available to everyone else with no real explanation. What would they say, what would they, if they were up here now, what would they say the reason you were cut off? Well, they said, well, we just didn't have enough staff. I understand, have enough, you would say you cut off from resources. From staff who were doing, for example, who were doing the inputting for the support staff. Is that, what makes you sure that's not the case? Because everyone else got it, and when I was eventually pushed out of that job, they suddenly found staff, even though there were actually fewer people performing those functions. What would they say, if they were meeting with me, why did they push you out? What would they say? They wouldn't say we bullied her. No, they said that there were funding issues, which there were, except that I got replaced by somebody else. So, they suddenly found staffing and suddenly found funding. So fine, so for purposes of this, let's just say it wasn't the right fit. We've all gone on dates where it just didn't work out, he never called again, and there's no explanation. He had a great time together, and yet he never called. Not everything has an explanation. Thank you for, it's been there a few times. I guess I should clarify, it went well until we got new management in and then suddenly I got cut off from the resources. Great, so why don't you just be crisp about it? Crisp is one of my favorite words, because it implies low maintenance and you're not spending too much time worrying about something that you can't fix. I was doing very, how long were you on that job? 18 months. You were there 18 months, did really well, then there was a change in management, they talked about cut off funding and suddenly my job was gone. But I loved my work and I'm looking for a parallel job somewhere else. That's crisp, why don't you just say that? And say it again and again to 15 universities and nonprofits or whatever until somebody says, at least let's talk. You say that in applying for jobs through the front door and through the back door, just asking for advice by your situation. How does that feel? Really? That's actually kind of some of the things I've been saying and I guess I don't really, I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time thinking this through. I should try not to remember too much of this stuff. Right. I guess some of it in terms of, like I said, I'm wondering what happened, can we talk to your former employer? I really don't want them to talk to my former employers because they're making it sound like I screwed up on a whole bunch of things. Have you had a conversation with your biggest supporter in your previous employment, saying that you still confuse as to what happened, you certainly can't afford to be unemployed and wondered if you can get some candid feedback and what is the most positive reference that they can give? So at least you're not dealing in the dark, you're getting an answer. Have you done that or should you do that? I have. What happened? He and actually a few others were the ones who made it clear that it wasn't my fault. Great. But don't really know how to advise me moving forward. Great, they don't need their advice. All you said four of them, said it wasn't your fault. So what if I said, you've got to stop worrying and you've got to have that crisp answer, go forward, list all four as references or at least ask them, would you be willing to serve as a strong reference for me? And then stop thinking about it because you can't, not everything has an answer. Does that make sense? Why are you not looking happy? What's wrong? I think I'm tired. Okay. It's been two years of looking. Have you done it the way I've just described? Of talking to people. Specifically targeted. Yes. To the people who are in a position to hire you at these 15 or so other organizations as well as answering it, have you done that? I've looked at the, I've mostly been staying with the one campus I was at, just be, but the difficulty is a few people, the people I've spoken to, they don't have job openings, which is fine, I understand that. We're going through cutbacks. If you've gone through two years and you've mainly still gone to one institution, you've just not gone broad, you've made three mistakes. You haven't told your story crisply. You stayed at one campus and you're thinking and worrying too much. You must make that list of 15 potential organizations. You must find 15 people there who are in a position to hire you or at least would be peers. You need to tell your true human story crisply that it was the greatest job you loved, new management came in, nobody said it was your fault and you're looking for a parallel job now. That's a much crisper version than anything you've said before. And I think you'll have much more reason for optimism. Does that make sense? Okay. No, what's wrong? What am I missing? I guess I'm just still kind of finding people. You said in parallel jobs, you're writing to them. I guess I'm not really, I'm not sure how to, I guess I'll have to borrow your script, but it's not something that I'm finding comfortable or easy to do. That's something you're gonna have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. You're going to have to go to the website and find the healthcare programs. There are always lists, especially these are public agencies or public, they will list who their program coordinators are or who their director is or whatever. You need to go to, if you make a list of the 15 universities, you go to their healthcare programs, separate websites, you find the name of somebody and you write to that somebody. And if you're too shy you don't make the follow-up call but you give that crisp pitch. And of course you then look at the university's open listings and agency listings and apply through the front door as well if a job is listed. Is that feeling doable for you or no? It's doable. I guess my next question is how to determine, I know you had some, you had that article about and determining environment of things to ask employers. That's still hard for me. I think especially after this last experience, it feels harder. That's something that you need. We all have a more and less insecure side. And short of sending you to psychotherapy for years, which I don't believe in, I invite you to say to yourself, damn it, I'm not going to let, there are some people, and again this is very straight talk, who've been raped and it ruins them for life and they use it for the rest of their life to explain their inability to move forward. And there are other people who've been raped who said it was disgusting, it was horrible, but fuck it, I'm not going to let it ruin my life. And they do move forward. And I don't care if you were bullied, I don't care if it was unfair, you need to and it's a story I'm going to end today, something that you've got to never look back, you've got to take the next step forward. The more you think about it, the more you self-indulge, the more you blame, the more you wonder, the more you're going to be mired in misery. The antidote to your misery is steps forward. And on that note, we must stop for the day. Let's hear it for her. Any lessons, any lesson in that, that was a tough one, obviously. Any lessons in that that you want to remember for you? Yes. You'd rather? Just that idea of really building on your strengths rather than trying to fix the things that aren't right. And that goes to your idea of not being a victim and I would recommend to her to look into authentichappiness.com, which is probably familiar with that. I'm not. Oh, it's just a, it's this guy, Martin Seligman. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So his idea is like, no, people don't need psychotherapy, right? They don't want to fix what's wrong. They have to really identify what's right and build on that. Joel, I'm not, I'm an atheist, but Joel Osteen, the famous preacher, said, go where you're celebrated, not just tolerated. There's going to be some place, some romantic partner, some coworker, some hobby, where they won't just tolerate you, where they'll, you'll just click. We all are in search of that, right? Okay. Yes. Brave girl, right. Thank you. Way that was great. Okay. Hi, what's your name again? Linda. Linda. Okay. Tell me your situation. First of all, I left. Actually, let's switch sides. Okay. I left college without a BA for personal reasons. I left after a year. I never was really, I was always taught I was going to be a doctor or a lawyer or an accountant. I was typical New York Jewish parents. So I didn't know anything else and I didn't want to do any of that. So every job I've ever had, I've sort of fallen into. And every job that I've ever had until recently, I've left on my own will to go on. I've been doing the same kind of work, which is legal secretary for many years and never enjoying it. But doing it. Right, somebody who was meant to be the doctor or lawyer having to be the second class citizen to the big ego lawyers has got to be empty after a while. Yeah, I just, I never wanted to do that. My passions were always theater and music. So I ended up working and the last firm I was at was eight and a half years. And I literally got quote unquote, which is just ridiculous to me, but fired. And I never been fired and I never... Join the clubs, happened to me too, kid. And I think it was because basically I was my New York self, like she was saying. I saw people cheating the system. I saw lying. I saw a lot of things and I kept bringing it up and thinking that was what a company would want is for somebody to be honest. And unfortunately, that wasn't what they wanted. They didn't want to hear any of it. So I left and I've always had a passion recently for children. So I had started a few years back babysitting and I loved it. And somebody that I babysat for recommended me to a preschool and said, why don't you think about doing this? So I've been doing that for the last eight months and I've totally enjoyed it. I've never been happier. And I again came up recently with the same thing. There were things going on, some dangerous and reported it. And again, now I'm sort of in the hot seat. Would the goddess say that you were too much of a nitpicker or would the goddess say you were being just? I think I was being just. Give me one example of something you called them out on on the preschool thing. Well, it basically was my own relationship with I guess because my old firm, they didn't want you to talk directly to your attorneys. You had to go to the management. So in this firm, when there was a little problem in communicating with one of the teachers, I went to somebody above and said, you know, I'm not sure what's going on. Can you help me? And the person said, we were gonna have a meeting. We never had a meeting. And then somebody higher up came to a meeting and said, hey, if you have any questions, I have an open door policy. Come talk to me about an issue that happened in the school. And I went and was giving her some ideas of things that could help. And at the same time, a child was lost. And it happens, you know what? It's easy to go like this, but in real life, it happens on field trips. It happens. They find the kid, you know, we tend to overreact. We tend to be very visceral. But sometimes we need perspective. And so I wanted to talk to her because I felt she hadn't opened our policy and was listening. And anyway, shortly after that, my hours were cut. Question, how did you, there is nothing wrong with you talking to the person, but it was how? What, can you recreate the way in which you worded? What did you say to this higher up? Well, when we talked, it was a wonderful conversation. I purposely left my New York behind. I purposely went in and said the first things, how much I enjoyed working. You see how hard we worked? If I had a fit in with you guys. Yeah, it's really tough. And we had a wonderful conversation. And then they claimed that the idea to cut me was made prior to this. Although, like I said, it happened a week after or two weeks after the conversation. In any event, right now, I'm looking for a better place. But the problem I have now is that as much as I love working with children. Yeah, make a living. And I support a lot of people or try to, and my sister keeps telling me, well, you're 10 years, 12 years, you're gonna retire. And if you don't get into a job that has 401 and all this, then you're gonna be screwed. And so I'm torn between finding something I finally really enjoy and I'm passionate about. Shouldn't you be directing a preschool? I don't know the first thing about business and you need money. Not the business, I'm just making this up. Here you are, this smart person who was meant to be a doctor or a lawyer, you've spent a lot of time in the legal world so you know a little bit about liability and all the rest of it, you love kids, you've been around that environment. So a way of making money, combining those two aspects, it seems to me that if you took a crash course, and I mean to find what crash course is. It's not anything that's taught at any university or even the library. It's spending time visiting directors of preschools, spending a day with them, job-shattering them, asking them questions, finding out if there was an association of preschool managers and reading their articles, joining association, going to a conference. Within six months, volunteering to work at her elbow, doing whatever, getting her coffee but in exchange for getting to see what she does. Documenting throughout everything you're learning. You then turn all that into a white paper and you use that to get your next job as an assistant director at a preschool, utilizing whatever your best skills are. If you're a fundraiser, great. If you're a legal risk management person, great. If you're dealing with parents, great. You mold the job to fit yourself which is very important. Every job, and again this is one of these empowerment things, it's not bullshit empowerment, it's real empowerment. You need to view every job that you get as a on-the-rack dress or suit. To look its best, it needs to be tailored and accessorized. That's what it is with a job. You take that job description and you say, this is what it's like off the rack. How can I tailor it, get it tailored? How can I accessorize it to make it fit me? So if you were to get an assistant director job at a preschool, how would you tailor it and accessorize it to fit your strengths? I don't know, the thing with the preschools as far as I understand is the only way you can move up is with X number of credits. So it means having a lot of, I'd have to get a lot more credits to do it. You can't just, as far as I understand. In the public sector, I think is that true in the private preschools? I don't think so. You're at your age with 10 to 12 years from retirement, I'm not sending you back to school for two years of training, no, and lost income. But what I would do is I would check out and find out what the law says. Where are the exemptions to the law? And if there are no exemptions in the public sector, where could I get in the private sector so that you can make some decent money doing, it'll be like cosmically in the arc of your life, the right amalgamation, the kid thing, with the brains thing, and something like that will come about. Does that make, if you are, again, laser focused, not one preschool, not two, 10. And a laser focused effort at getting smart about what it takes to direct a preschool, like I said. If you're doing, if you're job shadowing three or four great directors, and you might go to Yelp and see which preschools get great reviews, and you want to, you go to that director. So you're not following a crappy director, you're following a great one. And you find out the association and you visit the, read the articles and books or videos. And if you document, you can see how you can, that's a crash course that would make you qualified quickly. Does that make sense? All right, I'll quit while I'm ahead. Thank you. You're welcome. Let's hear it for him. Before we go any further, I printed out the second handout. What I want to do is, I'd like you to take the five or seven minutes. It will take to read this, and then I will answer questions about it, and then we will do more workovers. Sound good? All right. Oh, I have an idea for people who want books. Give me your address, and I'll mail you a book. I'll do it. That way I can sign it. So write your name, what you'd like me to write in, what your name and your address and what you would like me to, what you'd like me to say, you know. Well, though, what was the one thing you want to remember from today's session? Cause I like to write that as the inscription. Okay. You may not have had enough time, but if you would, who's got questions? Thank you. One, two, three, you first. So the part that says to be radically honest. Right. So I left my employer for breast cancer treatment and thought I was gonna be out eight weeks. It ran on much longer, but while I was out, the company was sold to another organization, and basically I didn't have an organization to go back to. Then I started taking care of parents who were ill and I've now been out two, two and a half years. Also, so I was doing IT sales, inside sales over the phone, business to business, you know, CFO, CIO level. And I don't think I want to go back to a sales position. I think maybe customer service, customer success role. I don't want the stress of meeting a number anymore. But I'm getting feedback that I don't have experience in customer success role. Any advice? Yeah. So just because I believe in radical honesty, doesn't mean I say everything. I don't think if your cancer is not going to affect your ability to do the work, there's no need to mention cancer because it scares some people. No need. If indeed your company was eviscerated, it is perfectly fine to tell you a true human story, to say I was a very good salesperson, but in the next pivot in my career, where I look at where I was best was I was excellent at account management and encouraging my, encouraging client retention and upselling. And then you don't mind a certain amount of upselling because that's part of- Absolutely. That's customer satisfaction is not just about satisfying customers, but getting them to buy more. So you can certainly argue that your sales experience would make you perfectly, when you say, I have the sales skills, but I also am particularly good at customer retention and therefore in dealing with their problem. So I'm particularly interested in a customer satisfaction role and I'm more than happy to make part of that upselling and I'm willing to work by phone. I'm even willing to work in person for that- Great. Even better. For that position. So give them both options. These days, of course, ever more they're interested in not giving you office space and having you work at home. And of course, with no freeways getting built and it's really hard to get anywhere, but you can use some pain in the ass so you might as well work at home sometime. Except for the social thing. By the way, a lot of people like working in a workplace for the social, you know, because they want people around them. So, but there are fewer and fewer of those jobs. So it is not impossible. There's ever more workers who are working from home. You can build a social life and connections around from using your home as a base. They don't all have to be in the workplace. Yes, it requires more certiveness. And of course, in addition to the radical honesty idea that I've been talking about here, you know, there's also this assertiveness thing. You know, assertiveness in not just applying for jobs that are advertised, but in going through the back door and talking to people. Assertiveness in getting your job description changed. Assertiveness can also apply to when you are working from home, creating a life with friends and people to talk to in person by phone and Skype. And when you're working at home, you've got the freedom to go to the day spa or take the art class. So it is about taking control of your life. You're doing life rather than letting life do you. Most people let life do them. Okay, next question. Yeah. My name is Jimmy. And my situation is a little bit different. I'm so happy and grateful that I have found my passion, what I want to do. I went into this entrepreneur venture myself. And in the beginning I was doing okay. I was doing good. Quit my job. And then things started to go down. So now I'm in a position where I need a job. However, I want to get a job that I'm learning skills, entrepreneurial skills. And I don't know what to kind of. Great. Tell me what the businesses you were, what was the entrepreneurial thing you were in? What were you good at? What didn't work? Tell me about that. Why don't you come up? It's fun to have you up here. Let's hear from him. There we go. That's what I want to see. So I help entrepreneurs and athletes. I help them with, I help develop their focus and concentration for getting more in the zone and getting more things done in less time. How do you, what are you technically, let's say I was baseball player, what would you do with me? Say I'm in a slump. I used to hit 300, now I'm hitting 220. Now what? Yeah, well there's various drills, various attention control drills. Give me an example. You do it, I'm the student, go ahead. Okay, well being more in the moment, being more in the moment, being more present, being aware of your breath. How does that, I mean when I'm watching the picture, I couldn't be more paying attention. What do you mean, being in the moment? Well being more in the moment, a lot of times we're worried about, okay, am I gonna strike out? Am I gonna, am I gonna do a ball ball? Am I gonna, is this picture going too fast? Being more in the moment, being more in your breath, like being attentive to your breath and. So you were more the coach. You were more the coach, you weren't the business guy. You were more the guy who was coaching people. Exactly. And that's what you love to do, okay. And so, do you, there was two years two ways to become a, no, when you say you wanna be an entrepreneur, that can mean different things. Tell me what you mean. Well, I wanna, I don't wanna work for anybody. I wanna work for myself. Kind of like you, I can't work in a team. I do better working for myself by myself. What happened? You said the business went down. Why did it go down? Well, it's not that it went down, it's just that when I started, I started with my warm market. My warm market was acquaintances, family, friends. So it was, it was going good. And then after I moved to my cold market, that's where all the challenges. So I'm gonna give you the world's shortest course in being an entrepreneur in that business. And you tell me, I'm gonna give you a buffet of things to do. And you tell me which, if any of them feels like you, because these ideas can be good, but if you're not excited about them, you won't do them and you'll procrastinate. So you need to create videos of you in action doing it. In which we actually see you doing it and then the player, the basketball player, the skater, whatever, giving a testimony. The whole thing has to be one minute. You need to have series of one minute videos of you in action doing different things. You can't be a one note Johnny who's just doing one technique. You gotta show, you gotta have videos doing those. And then what you do is, then you've gotta do what's called search engine optimization. You've gotta make sure that there's ways to drive traffic to your site or to the YouTube pages so that people see it. You don't have that expertise. You hire somebody for 20 bucks an hour to search engine optimization site. You may just choose to actually use social media marketing. Maybe you're going to use Facebook or Twitter to drive traffic to see your videos because people buy something when they see it. They trust it when they see it. All the words are not gonna mean anything. You can also do presentations if you do it for athletes so you could see if you can get started in high schools. Go parents are obsessed with helping their high school kids do better in sports. So if you could talk to the PTA in high schools, especially those who have not inner city high schools who they don't have money, but the parents in suburban areas, are you Filipino? The Mexican, great. So find where there are middle class Mexican, a lot of middle class Mexicans. We say we celebrate diversity but that's bullshit. People tend to like people like ourselves. It's just real, again, it's great talk. So find the middle class school where a lot of Latinos and talk to the heads of the PTA and see if or the coach, basketball coach, football coach, baseball coach, ask if you could do a free workshop called the five keys to getting out of a slump or whatever. That's gonna get you clients and during your talk you can show the videos. But I said that's a one minute buffet of ways in which you can get clients. Does that feel, is there anything in that that feels useful to you? No, it feels great. I mean, it feels, it really resonates. However, I'm in the kind of like in the gray area where my bank account is where it fumes. Right, so everybody needs a survival job. So you don't lose, you definitely don't lose the dream but everybody can do a survival job. Now I'm gonna throw out some survival jobs and you tell me which of these feels right. Assistant coach paid a little bit of money for high school. Uber driver, waiter in a Mexican restaurant. You speak Spanish? Yes, I do, I do. Come on up. Which of those feels more like a survival job so you can buy the time to build your business back up? But, yeah, getting back to my original question, is landing a job where I'm gonna be learning something about business. I believe, I deliberately turned away from that. Cause the chances are, given what you've described as your background, you ain't gonna give you that much unless it's a friend or a family member. Now if you've got a relative who owns a business who's a brilliant entrepreneur, fine. But even if he's a brilliant entrepreneur, chances are you're not gonna be spending that much time with him. I would rather see you take the little nuggets I just gave you. Plus a little bit of reading or one day workshops or a little, and focus on your goal. You need money, fine. Get that money coming in fast, in that way. Cause to go and try to get a job where you're gonna have an opportunity to learn entrepreneurship, it's gonna pay that much, it may take too long to get that job. You could be, your fumes could have run out. So my goal is stay more laser focused on your goal. Take a job you'd get tomorrow, like Uber driver or waiter. Like in a restaurant, if you have waiter skills, if you have cooking skills, if you have front of the house skills, welcoming people, what could you do in a restaurant for them? And it would probably be more of a restaurant. More of that, focus is more on holistic health. And great with customer service. Great. So then what I would do is I would go, I would make a list of all the healthy restaurants you like, but also cause you speak, we gotta use what you bring to the table. Right now if you're on fumes, we gotta, we don't watch your homeless. So fine, make your top choices, the healthy green restaurant, a green restaurant in San Francisco. Fine, do that. But also, go where you're gonna have an edge. And then, so you're not worrying about being homeless, and then you can focus on building your business. Does that make sense? And even in a restaurant, the owner of the restaurant, the manager of the restaurant, that's a business. Look up at how they try to maximize profits out of the bar. Look up at how they try to get the waiters to sell more appetizers and desserts. Look at how they try to cut food costs. Look at how they do hiring. Look at how they deal with unhappy coworkers. There's your business expertise, but it's much easier to get the job pass. That sense? Sure? Yes. All right. That's it. And then, I take more questions about the handout. He would, he was eager. So, okay, from down there, you wanna come up here? Down there, okay. I just wanna thank you. I was here for the first time you were here that wasn't recorded back in June. When I talked about how to be a heroin dealer. Well, I'm glad I didn't sleep in because what I got out of it was, what was refreshing, it was the radical, honestly. And I remember you opened with, there was like a lot of pain in this room, otherwise you wouldn't come. So thank you for that. And back then I was struggling with a huge gap in employment. And luckily I don't need to go up there now because I don't need to work over because I am working now, utilizing like, I volunteered here at the library and eventually I was hired, doing your job actually for military veterans. Great. So, if you could do a work over for the people that I'm seeing that aren't here that are even coming in here when the library opened up, people are basically gave up, there's homeless people coming into a library living here. And there's military veterans right now at the stand down going on right now, September 11th weekend. What would you tell them? Their struggles are prison, really hard cases, prison, PTSD, and their ageism, seniors. What would you tell them as far as like, how to try to find a job without giving up? So, that was the prison thing was, did you read the handout that I gave? That's exactly what I dealt with. It's like, again, radical honesty is perfect for that. I mean, you know, I can't do better than the wording I actually used there. I'm gonna read it out loud. Cause, and I'm gonna test you guys out with it. If you were an employer and you got a letter from a guy who committed armed robbery, he spent the last five years in San Quentin. And he writes his application that for a low level job, he's not expecting a great job right away. I suspect you'll be tempted to dump my application when I say that I just got out of prison for armed robbery. And I wouldn't blame you. But if, just maybe, someone gave you a break when you needed one, might you consider interviewing me? Like most ex-offenders, I say I'll never do it again, but I truly believe it. And I expect nothing from anyone, except an entry-level job and a chance to prove myself reliable, honest, and frankly, a nice guy who despite my mistake, most people say I am. I do have the skills to do the job. You've listed, you know, warehouse, driving a forklift, whatever it is. Thanks for reading this far and even considering me. Sincerely. Now, you'll be honest with me. If you were had an opening for an entry-level job, warehouseman, janitorial, truck driver, something with just entry-level, how many of you would interview this person? Raise your hand. Look around. Radical honesty. No expectations of gifts, just radical honesty. And even if I was pleased to see almost everybody raised their hand, but even if 10% of you raised your hand, he only needs one job. And there's gonna be some employers who are afraid of lawsuits. I'm afraid if I hire him and he goes and he shoots up the joint, you know, I'll get sued. Of course, there's gonna be some people who are just not gonna hire an ex-felon that's just the way it is. But somebody will. And your chances are better with radical honesty. Age is the other example you gave. PTSD. We're gonna talk about all those. Do PTSD first. For some people, PTSD is really real. My wife cares a lot about the veterans. She's up in Napa. And there's the Yon-Phil veterans home. And they have a program for returning to Iraq and Afghanistan. That's Web, PTSD. They take them boldly. And those guys are fabulous. Swear in my life that I'm a very judgmental tough guy. Really. Tough love, good guy, but I'm tough. They're kind, they're supportive of each other. They're wonderful. They all have been diagnosed with PTSD. Last year I watched the Super Bowl. My wife and I went to watch the Super Bowl with them up there. There were no food fights. There was no arguing about, they each had, they were rooting intensely for their team. There was alcohol. So I tend to think that, of course, in certain severe circumstances, people are not ready to go to work yet if they have PTSD. But PTSD, like everything else, is a continuum. You know, some people who may have the damn label who shouldn't be saddled by their label. They need to just take a baby step at a simple job that's gonna be for them, not stressful. If that's the graveyard shift cleaning up, good because there aren't a lot of people around at slow pace. Gotta do it in baby steps. Ages. Agism is just like the racism thing. Or reverse racism, which believe me exists as well. It's two strikes against you or one strike against you, it ain't three. I've had many clients, 50 plus, even 60 plus, who get hired. But they have to show that they're not burnouts. They have to show that their skill set is not absolute. They have to show that they're not exhausted. It's harder, I'd be a liar to say it is easier if you're over 50, it's harder. But it ain't impossible. But if the burden is on you to sell it to explain that you have this current skill set, the energy that you don't mind if boss is 25. And in fact, you can't. You have to celebrate having a boss who's 25. Realizing he or she's gonna do some stupid things and make, you know, but there's some things you can learn from a 25 year old too. And just, it's the way of the world. And demonstrating that in your interviews will reduce the two strikes to one strike, at least with some employers. Okay, any other questions in the handout? I promised you. I just heard you mention something that actually hit me and that was current skill set. I've been out of the country since 2007, last time I was here. Came back, I've been getting hit with certifications that aren't up to date, expired. And these things are expensive, time consuming and repatriating back to the US. Time constrained as far as getting real employment, not entry level, real employment, real paycheck. Right. How do you deal with that overcoming that? Well, you made it very easy for me because during the break you came up and told me, you have tremendous experience leading construction jobs, including at the Marriott Hotel here, it's at the building of that Fourth Street Marriott Hotel. So of course, in general, when an ad is placed, the ad is placed to screen out applicants because there usually are many applicants to every job. So they ratchet up all the requirements, they make them as objective as possible certification. But a guy who has run the building of the Marriott Hotel, I don't care if you've been an expatriate, you need to explain how you're real world, what the skills you can do is, I can read the engineering specs for a foundation. I can raise steel. I know how to work with the unions and the crane operators. I've done this, I estimate, if you're specific in your resume and in your applications, then those certifications in general talk a lot about theoretical knowledge that in the end isn't that practical. If you, in your application letters and your interviews, you explain that you really understand the difference between 16-gauge and 12-gauge reball, is going to make all the difference in the world, the right employer will hire you because at your age, you're right. You don't wanna go and take years to take those expensive certifications, but it requires the same thing, laser focus and identifying not two or three companies. But in addition to WebCore and in addition to Swinerton, there's 10 others who maybe grew grant and pay, grant and construction. There are ones that are a tier or three down who can't be as picky, Swinerton can pick whoever they want because they're the designer label here in the day area. But there are second tier companies who would kill to have a guy with your expertise. That's your target market. If you identify 10 or 20 of them, not one of them. I feel like I have a slightly different story because I have been out of the work world for almost 25 years and have volunteered during that entire time. And I'm finally trying to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up. Come up here, that's the kind of thing we do up here. So you told me at the break, you were a stay-at-home mom for 25 years basically. You didn't you tell me you were a stay-at-home mom for 25 years basically? Yeah. Or a stay-at-home post-mom? Yeah, I was in corporate America before. And I'm a stay-at-home son. Okay, great. And I had a kid with life-threatening food allergies and a lot of illness and become an expert in that field and often counsel people on the side. But she was the first wave of them. So I had to educate all the schools and yeah, when we went to Washington DC and spoke with senators and stuff. So anyway, I was helping other people launch and they're launched. And now I wanna figure out what to do. I know that I can't be in the fluorescent office building anymore and I would even be fine patching together a bunch of different part-time things. I like lots of, I'm pretty resourceful. I like troubleshooting. I started rowing crew last year, which has been kind of cool because I'm working again on a team. I was, even though I'm 55, I did do softball and worked on a team when I was younger, which was unusual back then. So I'd love any thoughts or insight? Well, then you're not gonna make any money with softball or crew. No, that's for sure. But the fact that you've had experience lobbying, planning, organizing, and providing a health issue. Where in that space are you more of the people, energizer, fundraiser, event planner, lobbyist, person who can get into the office and talk to the legislature? What was your key, what is your best skills in that space? Health care advice to the parents. Well, I think the other thing I should say is I have a psychology and an economics background and I love, so I do love aspects of business. I ran a billion dollar asset when I was, so there's part of me that doesn't wanna let go of some aspects of that. You ran a billion dollar asset, tell me about that. I worked for MetLife and I ran the Pan Am building, which is now the MetLife building and oversaw leasing people and property managers. Great, do you wanna do property managers? No. Okay, that's fine, tell me what that is. I will say, though, that I have managed a property, my home, I've managed a lot of people. I actually think I'm a better, more valuable employee now than I was then, although I got really good reviews and promoted faster than I was actually personally feeling ready for. So. What, in better, you don't wanna be, tell me, it would be educational for me to know why you don't wanna be a property manager. I think the other part of what I'm struggling with, I also did a little non-profit work where I helped at-risk middle school boys. Not sure I wanna work with kids, but I would say that I feel like I'd like my work to feel meaningful, which may not work with actually making money. Let's start there, let's stay there. Do you care about inner city kids? Do you care, right now if I gave you a million dollars and you had to give it to a cause you believed in what you did? I think probably women's issues or climate control, because if we don't have a planet, there's nothing. I'm not crazy about either, because it's so oversubscribed. Both of them have, everybody who's graduated college in the last 20 years is an environmentalist or a women's issues advocate. So, if you have a more under the radar issue that you care about, that's why I like the food allergy. Right, well, I definitely could do that. I was asked by the food allergist if parents that were overwhelmed could talk to me. And I do like that, so I do it just sort of on the side. Is there enough substance to how much help they need that they could need to pay for is just more like a little bit of advice? I think it's more like that. What about the companies that make EpiPens in a similar kind of thing? So far that's not the same. Okay. Okay, let's drill down into the environment women's issues there. What particular women's issue most motivates you? Abuse, menopause, careers, sex trafficking, abortion, gay, LBGT issues, what? Probably on that spectrum, sex trafficking, I would say. Yeah, probably empowering women and the half of the sky stuff kind of, I don't know, microfinance for women. Would you rather, we're gonna play that autobot today, would you rather work for a bank and become a lending officer? Or would you rather work for one of those microfinance companies like the Muhammad Yunus thing? Yes. So that's been around forever, the Muhammad Yunus thing for about one year. But there are, as microfinance has exploded, there's a zillion of them. So the same rule, can't count on one or two hiring, but if I asked you to tell your true human story to 20 people who could hire you as a project manager, fundraiser, communicator, whatever, where you said something like the following. I managed a billion dollar property to pen and building in New York, in that way. I got excellent reviews, in fact, promoted well even ahead of what I thought I would. I decided to have the stay-at-home mom for a while and had a special needs job. And in the course of that, did a lot of volunteer work on behalf of this special and schools that had an acquired additional skills fundraising, organizing, planning, whatever. Now, my kid is on his own. And I am interested in using those skills that I acquired in the service of the cause, I believe. I've always been inspired by microfinance and wondered if we should have coffee. And then also, that's the back door. And then through the front door answering any answers appropriately. But I said, that's what you should do as a kid. Thank you. We have time for one or two more questions. So we've got four. Okay, I'm gonna try to do, I always try to cram everything in. We'll get those are the last four questions. You two, you and you. You in the back with the lady in the lobby. We'll do four and then I have a story that I always like to end with and then I'll play the piano for you guys. There's a punchline to the piano story that you'll be surprised about. Well, one I had a comment on your article about radical honesty, which I mean, I'm an advocate in theory, I guess, but I have practiced it and been denied housing and employment and it's not prison, it's mental health. I was denied housing at Raphael House, one of the best places in the nation for homeless families. And when I used to go to the restaurant over there for the junipers and they interviewed me and I told them the truth and they said, you know, are you taking psychotropics? I said, no, but I'm also not pharmaceutical or suicidal and I'm functional and all that. And so I was denied housing and I was also denied a federal job, which you could be a junkie and an alcoholic and they will take you, but they want to describe your course of treatment for your brain. But my issue for employment besides that has to do with what's the proper wage to request. I want to go to a seminary in a year, but in the meantime, I try to supplement my disability income and I have more than four years of college, Phi Beta Kappa, but I want to earn better than 12 and a quarter and I can earn up to about 1,000 a month on my disability and not lose my health insurance. And I have enough to live on, but I want to visit my son in Philadelphia and go to school and go to retreats. So how do I figure out what's a fair wage? Because I have more than four years of college, no degree. Well, all bright people, nobody can live on 12, 45 an hour. Right. I don't care if you're semi-retarded if you're clearly not even that. So clearly you need to make at least $20 an hour. That's just to live. Basically you need to make $20 an hour. And with regard to, you know, everybody can provide an anecdotal example of somebody who's screwed up. Whether it's for mental health or they didn't like all the people or blacks or Jews or whatever the hell it is, there's always something. But it's not everybody who's gonna do that. And as I'm gonna, the story I'll end with, the winners in this world focus not on that. When you listen to the women CEOs, every one of them, the big ones are the Carly Ferrerinas and the Meg Whitman's, all of them, they all say, yeah, I guess they were sexist, but you know, I just didn't go there. I just, they don't let that dominate them. So you're going to get prejudiced against, especially if you tell you through human story, but not by everybody. I'm not saying you have to bear your soul and say everything. Like in your cancer case, I don't think you have to bring it up. But to the extent you need reasonable accommodation. For example, let's say you have mostly good days, but every once in a while you have an hour or two, you've gotta leave. You don't even need to disclose that upfront. It's just human, we all, some people get stomach aches, some people get this, whatever. So, but you can't let them, that victim thing, it'll just kill you. You'll be the loser. So those are the answers to questions. What are the, what are the 20 bucks an hour? Okay. Well, can I say something positive about, I've been listening to you on the radio and on your advice, I went to the certificate stuff at UC Berkeley and there's even stuff, if you don't have the bachelors, there's certificates you can go for without a bachelors for people who are partial degree people. And there's some stuff you can get, certificates as short as maybe eight weeks and other things, you know, up to six months for paralegal. So it's totally amazing. And before you do the long-term thing, there's short-term things you can do. UC Extension is great, the problem is expensive. Not everybody can afford it. They're really quite expensive. Next question, who is second? You, then you, you first. Yes, please come up. Great. And your name again is? Susan. Susan, okay. Shana Tovah, first of all. Shana Tovah means happy new year or whatever. I'm an atheist, you, but yes, it's Jewish New Year, I'm a Russian Shana. Okay, go ahead. So, the good news is I am very ambitious. The bad news is I'm a little bit splintered. So here's my story. I have an MBA in international business and undergrad in marketing communications. And I've been this adult student throughout my whole life. I love adventure and travel. And so I've chosen a career path, biotech, international product marketing management is my path. So it affords me the opportunity to pursue all my other life goals and dreams. Now, while I've worked full-time, I've written business plans and having my own regional furniture store. I started a social networking site and donated funds to nonprofits of interest. And so my question, my struggle, I'm at a crossroads, I'm not currently working. And working in biotech, product marketing management, it's too technical, my heart's not in it. I want to segue, if you ask me what I'd really like to do is I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I like creating products that are not technical, but have art and home accessories and craftsmanship or, and so I'm struggling, I'm splintered because I have so many interests and I don't want to, how can I convince a high-end furniture company to hire someone, I have the skills, but I've been working in biotech and high-tech. How do I cross that chasm? But I still want to earn high-network so I can travel and enjoy life and enjoy the opportunity to buy art. So the answer is to pick a niche with inferture and become a goddess of it, whether it be rosewood Chinese furniture or stuff for the new micro apartments, those 500 square foot apartments and stuff for, you know, stuff to spend, whatever. Find some little niche, antique, bleh, whatever it is. Become a goddess, know everything there is about it. Find who the major players are who distribute that stuff. Talk to them, demonstrate that you know a lot about marketing, that they, you can't say, oh, I could translate what I learned about marketing, you know, vectors in biotech to, you know, to furniture. Bamboo, no. But you can, in your letter or a white paper, say, I have a lot of experience in biotech but I have a long-standing interest in this kind of furniture. Here are my thoughts about how this stuff could be marked. I noticed your product, you have a great line. Perhaps you've already got it all covered, but in case you don't, here is a window into the way I think. That's the right wording. Because they may have already done, they may have their marketing plan, but if you do a great job of laying out a marketing plan for a very specific kind of, ideally hot kind of. Now I produced, while I worked in high tech, I produced a 135 page business plan in my own furniture design store and Howard Schultz of Starbucks reviewed it. I took the initiative and assertiveness and they came back to me and said, basically, contact us when you have your prototype store. Like, I think big. I wanna have my own enterprise and so how do I go from biotech to- In steps, you're at a risk of losing everything. The highway of people who've come up with an idea is littered with people who lose everything. All right, that's what I'm doing for analysis. Analysis for analysis, I haven't done, I'm like stuck. You need a three page business plan, not 135, to send to other people who are either importers or manufacturers of the furniture to get into that world so you can learn on their guide. They let you be assistant marketing manager for their line of whatever. So you think I could segue from biotech to- By demonstrating, not by words, not by saying you can, but by showing them that you demonstrated that you can use your marketing chops to create a marketing or business plan for their product. And again, one or two, I don't care if Howard Schultz said no. It's a numbers game. If you really are good at it, if you send it to 20, somebody is gonna give you what I call a launch pad job. Some way, it won't be the dream job or it'll be a step in the right direction without your risking everything. Once you start making your own and importing it, I had a client who had something and decided to have it made in Thailand. And the Thailand couple suddenly stole it. And he knew that the American wasn't gonna be able to sue in the Thailand courts and he just gave up. It's very risky. I am, that's again the straight talk stuff. I know the follow your dream shit, but I've seen for everyone that succeeds is 50 to 10. So I'm not asking you to abandon the dream, I'm asking you to take it in baby steps. What's happening is I'm getting the interviews for biotech. That's my comfort zone. That's what you don't want. That package and I'm having trouble segwaying because then I lower salary. Hard to convince a company. Then you have two choices we have to stop for today. But you have two choices. You're worried enough about the money, you take the biotech job and you do this on your site. You stop watching TV, you stop spending so much time with friends. You make that your weekend. Or if you can't do that, then you say, damn it, I'm gonna take the lower paid job for a while in service of the larger group. Which of those two is better for you? The first one, that's what I've been doing. All right, thanks for running that, thanks a lot. Okay. Because of the time, here's what we're gonna do. I'm not gonna take the other three questions because I always like to leave on time. But I wanna tell the story that I wanna end with. And then anybody who wants this, I will play the piano as promised. And then afterwards, if anybody wants to stay, where can I answer the last three questions? In the lobby or something? Okay, so after playing the piano, anybody who wants to stay, I will answer the other three questions. But I like everything as you may or not know. Everything I did here today was custom to you. Every single word. I've never, I've given hundreds and hundreds of presentations. I've never given the same one twice. I try to be very different, not just because I did one here three months ago, but because I grow by doing it differently at the time. But there's one thing that I end every single talk with exactly the same way. And because I think it's amazing because it really, the issue has come up so many times in today's session. You'll see, it applies particularly. The year was 1939. The town was Sherpas, Poland. My father was a teenager, living with his two brothers in a very peaceful town. Nobody locked their doors. One day there was a knock on the door and it was two Nazis in black boots. And unlike in the movies, they didn't yell. One of them said nothing and the other whispered, you have to be out of your house with only what you can carry on your back by noon tomorrow and the next day at noon there were two Nazis, there were 12 and two trucks. And they dumped people in trucks. My father never saw his brothers or his parents again. My father and 11 men escaped from a concentration camp, lived in the black forest thanks to the good Christians who took care of him. The end of the war, he was dropped in a cargo boat and dropped in the Bronx without a penny to his name, no money, no English, no nothing but the scars of the Holocaust taught him no education. What did he do? No job was beneath him. He sewed shirts in a factory in Harlem. And what did he do at night? Did he say, I'm exhausted from the 10 hour day of sewing shirts in the factory? I'm gonna go and get shit-faced? No. He went to Roosevelt High School, Night School for learning. Because he knew that if he didn't learn English he would always be making minimum wage. What did he do on Saturdays? He'd say, I'm exhausted, it's gonna watch Saturday morning football? He said, no, I don't wanna be working in that stupid factory forever. So he went to the owner of the factory and he said, can I buy the shirts that I sewed for you during the week and sell them out of a cardboard box on the street? He bought them for a buck and sold them for a buck 50. What did he do with the money? He'd say, I earned it, I'm gonna go and party, I'm gonna go have a good time, go to nightclubs? No. Saved up enough money for the first and last month's rent. The only storefront he could afford. 105 Moore Street in Brooklyn. You can Google maps it now, it's a terrible neighborhood, it is unbelievable. Store was really, really small. It was about here, to here, back to the wall. So there was barely room for the cash register and a counter, so most of this merchandise was closed. Had to be stored on folding tables out in front. But as I said, it was a terrible neighborhood. And so, when school was out on Saturdays, the kids would come and they would steal a whole box of shirts, kill my father, he'd earn the money. So, he couldn't afford a security guard. So as soon as I got old enough to be a security guard, you think I look nerdy now, you should've seen me then. Anyway, so I was a security guard, sort of speaking. And one day, business was slow. I'm standing in front of the store and there's a parking here, right here, like this. And I remember having my elbow on the meter. My dad was outside, next to me, on the other side of me. About, I was 13, 14. And suddenly, something hit me in my mind. I said, daddy, how come you so rarely talk about the Holocaust? He stiffened to something he rarely did. And he looked me in the eye and he says, Matta, the Nazis took five years from my life. I volt, give them one minute more. He said, Matta, never look back. Always take the next step forward. And as we've discussed today, a lot of us have had shit happen to us. But I have had the privilege of having been career coach to some of the world's most successful people. As well as some real struggles. And one of the key differentiating features is that the successful ones follow my father's advice. They never look back. They always take the next step forward. And I can leave you with no better advice. Thank you very much. Thank you.