 Hey, this episode of the anxious truth is brought to you by me because this is not just a podcast There are actually some books that go with it I am the author of three books on anxiety and anxiety recovery and I think you would really find them helpful So if you don't have them already head on over to the anxious truth comm slash books where you can learn more about them Hey, what up everybody? Welcome back to the anxious truth. I am drew linsellata creator and host of this fine program This is episode number 184 entitled learning to live recklessly. That's right. You heard me recklessly That might be a little bit of clickbait, but you'll see there's a reason why I named the episode learning to live recklessly Before we get into it if you are new here the anxious truth is a podcast dedicated to all things anxiety and anxiety recovery So panic and panic attacks agoraphobia monophobia OCD social anxiety Gad if it's anxiety, it's here. So welcome. I'm glad you're here if you are not new and you are a regular listener to the podcast Thank you very much for your support. I appreciate you coming back every week and spending time with me. I really do So let's talk about this. Why did I name this episode learning to live? recklessly So if you're watching on video, which by the way on Spotify it's video now So right below me there it says learning to live recklessly and you can find the show notes for this episode at the anxioustruth.com slash 184 by the way But if you are here and listening, why am I using the word reckless? What's up with this guy? Why is this crazy dude with a microphone telling me to live recklessly? So we would all agree that if you went up to somebody on the street and say hey What does it mean to live recklessly or what is what's reckless? Name me some reckless stuff The average person on the street corner would say skydiving or cliff jumping or bungee jumping or I don't know motorcycle racing or It was something like that, you know, so dangerous stuff. What are the Alaskan king crab fishing most dangerous profession in the world whatever it is So people would name really dangerous things where like you're taking your life in your hands Something could go seriously wrong. You know that you're doing it Anyway, you're being intentionally putting yourself in danger or other people you might you might reckless often comes with the idea Be irresponsible. That's so irresponsible. It's so reckless like you could get hurt somebody can get hurt So most of us would agree like that the term reckless involves doing dangerous things intentionally and being somewhat irresponsible and To a certain extent I want to relate that to the recovery process When you do the hard and scary things that we talk about as part of the recovery process It feels really dangerous and you may have resistance to that not only because nobody wants to do scary and hard things But at like it's sort of an ethical and moral level you might feel no no that feels so wrong That feels irresponsible. That feels reckless So while I'm kind of doing a little bit of clickbait using the word, you know The title learning to live recklessly in many many ways the process of recovery actually feels that way for people like us We're not truly doing dangerous things. We're not like, you know motorcycle racing and cliff diving. We're not But in the position that we wind up in when we stop trying to save ourselves From anxiety and the sensations and symptoms and thoughts and compulsions and rituals and habits to come with it Well, we stop trying to protect ourselves from that threat that are amygdala says exists But doesn't we stop trying to protect ourselves against the threat that feels wrong Not only is that difficult counterintuitive Scary it feels like you shouldn't do that. That feels dangerous. It feels irresponsible. It feels reckless So the process of doing scary difficult hard things as part of recovery going down the path to recovery Really is very much learning to live recklessly. It's just our interpretation of what reckless is to people like us that are in the thick of an Anxiety disorder it feels reckless to do these things feels dangerous. It feels irresponsible like I I can't do that That would be so irresponsible This comes up often I will use health anxiety as an example here if you have health anxiety I've heard people get very angry at my suggestion that you shouldn't be googling your symptoms and calling for doctors every four days to check that the latest health scare that you think you have and Sometimes they get really angry about that number one because they certainly don't want to be ill Or die from some illness that is undiagnosed. Of course, nobody does but they will say I can't afford to take this chance I have kids or I have a business or I have a spouse. I have a partner. I have a family That's irresponsible. They will they will sometimes counter my suggestion that dealing with their health anxiety is going to mean Living with the uncertainty that you think you might have some disease that a doctor has never been able to diagnose You're gonna have to live with that uncertainty that maybe you do That seems so irresponsible and I can't take that chance. I have kids Feels irresponsible feels dangerous feels wrong feels reckless to do that. I'm responsible parent will let themselves die I get that I really do and that becomes one of the what one of the arguments against doing that if you are In the generalized anxiety disorder camp if you are dealing with Gad and it is driven by being an over thinker a Ruminator an over planner a problem solver a fixer the person who gets things done I'm the glue of this family. Everyone relies on me. I have to be the responsible one or You're a warrior. You're a chronic warrior I have to worry about my kids worry about my kids all the time worry about my health Worry about finances worry about my job worry about my husband my partner my my wife Or about my boyfriend my girlfriend worry about my dog worry about everything I just worry about everything worry about the economy or about the climate if you are a constant ruminator and warrior Then and when you disengage from that process and allow your allow your worry to go unanswered That feels so irresponsible. So not only is it difficult because of the discomfort it creates But it feels morally ethically I don't know what word we want to use from a core value standpoint It feels irresponsible and reckless to do that if We want to relate this to things like panic disorder and agoraphobia like okay You avoid anything that might trigger a panic attack or panic symptoms at all costs when we start going toward those things and We stop trying to keep it from happening keep it at bay soothe it knock back the symptoms Like make it end immediately when we stop trying to escape from it or avoid it. That's superd feels scary that's really difficult to do counter do it even difficult makes you scared and uncomfortable and Sometimes the resistance is even more than just that scary that feels wrong. That's the wrong thing to do That's irresponsible. It's dangerous and reckless So I think when I talk about learning to live recklessly we're just Kind of acknowledging that extra layer of resistance that sometimes comes along with doing the opposite Taking opposite action going toward the fear intentionally creating fear and discomfort and uncertainty and vulnerability That's part of the recovery process Not only is that just difficult at phase value to do but it may strike you as being completely wrong Irresponsible and reckless to a certain degree So if you're feeling that you are not alone especially Especially if you're dealing with sort of mental and thinking habits that are attached to emotional things like love and caring So if you are a fixer the problem-solver on the people, please or I keep the family together Everyone relies on me. I have a job to do I have to keep my family safe. I have to keep everybody happy I have to make everybody happy. I have to care. I have to love them I have to worry about them Especially when you are being ruled by those types of mental and thinking habits that are driven by that sort of thing I'm a warrior. I'm just a warrior. I have to worry. I have to how can I not worry? How can I not worry about let's say parenting friends? I'm a parent. I have two girls Like how can I not worry about my kids? I'm supposed to worry about them I worry about them all the time and you can recognize that your worry habit is driving you to the brink You know, it's not working out for you yet. You may hang on to it because you confuse worry with love and caring I did a whole podcast episode on worry and worrying that you can look up on my website Go to the anxious truth comm and search for worry and you will find one of my most popular episodes on worry and worrying So we you get into that there you listen to that there But you will often hang on to those mental thinking habits Because you either think they are part of what defines you as a productive person and achiever an expert As worthy as valid as a productive member of your family or your company or your social group like you you Really kind of nail sometimes your identity to those maladaptive thinking habits and mental habits that are making you crazy But at the same time you want to hang on to them So when you start to do things that let them go and you let the thinking habits go unanswered You leave questions unsolved you leave problems unsolved questions unanswered questions unasked You leave worry unanswered I'm worried because it is a little bit cold out Which means the roads might be icy which means my son is out driving and I leave that I leave that unanswered That feels irresponsible and wrong and reckless and It's important to understand that So, you know kicking your feet back having a glass of wine and watching a movie while your your son is out driving in What could be icy roads would feel so irresponsible so irresponsible But what we are trying to learn in this example on the path to recovery is that there's really no difference between you You know watching a movie while your son drives home in the winter weather or sitting at the kitchen table and wringing your hands and worrying Because sitting at the kitchen table and worrying and working yourself up into that crazed state that ain't that anxious state that you hate So much and you're trying to get out of I Can't stop my work. How do I get out of this worry cycle? You know you want to stop but yet you will cling to that and say I can't leave that worry unanswered I'm the mom. I'm the dad. I have to worry Well, you don't I'm the boss. I have to solve all the problems. I'm the do or I got to get things done. I'm the glue I got to keep the family happy and together No, you don't you actually don't because you're not doing that anyway. I have to stay home I can't go out of the house because I might panic. That's not safe But it's always been safe. So in this context when I say we are learning to live recklessly I'm just trying to expose that extra layer of resistance To going toward the fear and doing things that are counter-intuitive and difficult and uncomfortable and scary You may reject them because everyone rejects scary stuff and hard stuff. That's true You may reject them at another layer because they feel just wrong and reckless Reckless is I'm intentionally doing something that I know I'm not supposed to do not just as difficult to do But I'm not supposed to do it. I'm not supposed to let myself panic I'm not supposed to let myself be afraid. I'm not supposed to let myself have a stroke or a heart attack Even though you've never actually had one So we are learning to live recklessly because the only way to know that it's not reckless is to be reckless and find out Right. So again, it's super important for me to say as many times as I can here I'm not talking about cliff diving and budging jumping. I'm not telling you to do dangerous things But it may feel to you extremely dangerous extremely irresponsible and extremely reckless But the only way to know that that is not reckless behavior is to do the behavior and see that nothing bad happens So you're not playing Russian roulette here. You're just allowing reality to creep in Override that that overactive threat response that drives those those habits and those safety habits of yours And you're gonna force feed reality to your lizard brain. I Did not sit at the table and worry for three hours and Timmy made it home anyway That's the lesson that we need to learn so we can only learn when we we have to do scary and hard things to recover We do scary and hard things to learn that they were never they never had to be scary They are but they experience of doing a scary and difficult thing is to teach us that it doesn't have to be scary or difficult So we will act what we think is recklessly to learn that we're not truly acting recklessly Because we were never stopping disaster anyway. We weren't being responsible at all. We weren't doing the right thing at all Excessive worrying and rumination is not the right thing Excessive problem solving and the need to know and predict and and figure things out Because you think that keeps you safe is not the right thing to do because it doesn't actually keep you safe from anything Refusing to go to the supermarket by yourself because you think that a panic attack is going to be the death of you Or you won't be able to handle it in the frozen food section is not correct That is not the right thing to do so we have to uncover that fallacy that mistake by doing the wrong things So these are scary things and difficult things and they will feel like the wrong things They will feel reckless and irresponsible. So we are in Many measures learning to live recklessly Now the rest of the world will look at us and say are you kidding me? You're kidding, right? Like you watch the movie instead of sitting at your kitchen table worrying and you think that's reckless They would laugh at us and I understand that I totally get that by the definition of reckless You know that we accept overall in society. They would look at us and say when you're not doing anything reckless Wait, you drove around the block you walked to the mailbox and picked up your mail. Oh Daredevil, you know, I get that so of course. I'm not telling you to do truly reckless things I'm not asking anybody jump out of planes here But we need to do things that feel wrong and reckless They're dangerous. They're scary and they feel wrong and reckless We need to do them so that we learn that they're not dangerous We don't have to be scared of them and they weren't that's not reckless and it's not wrong because the old habits were not right We have to learn that by by taking that opposite action, right? We have to learn that by going into the recklessness into the irresponsibility going to be irresponsible tonight I guess I'm gonna be irresponsible and reckless tonight and in the end you have to learn that lesson reality will hand us Which is that wasn't reckless at all nothing happened Oh, nothing happened just because I thought that I was you know Like my brain was somehow stopping some disaster by worrying and thinking and analyzing and problem solving It wasn't doing anything because when I stopped doing that nothing bad happened nothing changed Nothing changed. I stopped trying to save myself from a panic attack and I panicked and I didn't die I didn't go crazy. I didn't pass out. I didn't lose control. I didn't go insane Nothing happened. So I guess I didn't have to do that stuff all this time That's what we're trying to learn But we have to act what feels to be reckless and irresponsible many times to do that Hence the name of the podcast episode episode 184 learning to live recklessly So that we learn that we're not really living recklessly at all And you know what maybe you're recovering you'll become a skydiver that might be maybe that'll become one of your new hobbies Maybe you will truly become a daredevil. Maybe not but that's not we're talking about here. So I I hope that's been helpful I feel like I rambled and ranted a little bit, but it's important to recognize to sort of sum that up sum this up that Often the resistance to the the path of recovery is not not only that they are scary and difficult things Which is automatic resistance. We all resist that but you may have that additional layer of resistance because it feels like the wrong thing to do It feels irresponsible and reckless. So yes Go ahead and be irresponsible and be reckless or what your brain your overactive exhausted Overprotective oversensitized lizard brain is telling you is irresponsible and reckless. Go ahead. Go be that go ahead Because you know, that's not irresponsible or reckless. Okay, so that's that's where the reckless part comes in in this episode So there you go I'm gonna wrap it up here trying to keep in 15 20 minutes to seem to be working out pretty well I hope you guys are liking the shorter format. I That's it. That's it. I'm done. I'm not gonna say the word reckless anymore. That was the last time So thanks for coming by and listening. I appreciate that get after glow cooking here after glow was written by my buddy Ben Drake was actually inspired by this podcast So it's a special tune for both of us you could find Ben and his music at Ben Drake music comm what a surprise I'm going to ask you if you haven't checked out my books and go to the anxious treat comm slash books and check out What I got good stuff if you're reading them and you dig them write reviews on Amazon that really helps me out in a big way and Let's see what else can I tell you what I'm gonna usually ask you to do if you're watching on YouTube Hit like and subscribe and if you're listening to the podcast on iTunes or some form some platform That lets you rate and review leave a five star review take a minute or two write a review for us It helps other people find the fog podcast, which means more people get help and really that's why I'm doing this So thanks again for coming by. I appreciate you guys I will see you again next week. Enjoy the music on the way out and remember remember This is the way