 CHAPTER V. IN THE TEMPLE On her first day in the temple, after having taken before God the vows of poverty and chastity, little Mary went to her teacher, the holy prophetess Anna, and asked her to give away to the poor all the clothes, money, and other personal belongings which St. Anne had left there for her, except for a few dresses and prayer books. Anna agreed to do so and to take care of Mary as of someone destitute and poor, for the other girls had spending money. Then Mary asked for a rule of life. Anna consulted the old priest and summoned Mary, who remained on her knees throughout the interview. The priest said to her, Pray always for the temple of the Lord, for his people, and for the coming of the messiahs. Care to sleep at eight o'clock, and rise at dawn to praise the Lord until nine. During the day, as your teacher directs, engage in manual work and study the scriptures. Take exercise before meals. In all things be humble, courteous, and obedient. Then Mary asked for his blessing and kissed his hand and Anna's. During the days that followed, she willingly set about learning all her new duties. Unlike the other girls, she asked her teacher to be allowed to serve them all, and to scrub the rooms and wash the dishes. Often she did her own work so quickly and efficiently that she was able to help the others in theirs. To each of her companions she was always sincerely kind, friendly, and humble. With them she spinned and sewed, mended and washed the vestments of the priests, or took lessons in holy scripture, in singing, and in the ceremonies of the temple. Her gratitude toward her teachers was touching. Thus through the years she grew in wisdom and grace and infused mystical knowledge. Even as a child she had a remarkably advanced understanding of the scriptures, and she loved to spend hours studying and meditating on them, especially on their inspired prophecies of the coming of the Redeemer of mankind in human form. Often she asked profound, penetrating questions of her angels, and spoke with loving tenderness about the messiahs. And with their help she gradually pieced together many of the significant scriptural references to the mysteries of Christ's life, such as the promise of his incarnation. The desired of all nations shall come, rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion, shout for joy. Behold, thy king will come to thee, the just and saviour. The nativity, behold, the virgins shall conceive and bear a son, his apostolate. He is poor, he will teach us his way. I will open my mouth in parables, behold, I myself will seek my sheep. I will feed my sheep, I will save my flock. His passion, he hath borne our infirmities and carried our sorrows. He was wounded for our iniquities. All my enemies whispered together against me. Let us condemn him to a most shameful death. Strike the shepherd and the sheep of the flock will be scattered. I have given my body to the strikers. He will crown thee with a crown of tribulation. Why then is thy apparel red? From the sole of the foot unto the top of the head, wounds and bruises and swelling sores, they are not bound up. They have dug my hands and my feet, and in my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink. I am become as a man without help, free among the dead. They have laid me in the lower pit. His resurrection, and his sepulcher shall be glorious. His ascension, be ye lifted up, O eternal gates, and the king of glory shall enter in. God is ascended with jubilee. His church, and he shall rule from sea to sea, and all peoples, tribes and tongues shall serve him. His second coming, God shall come manifestly. Our God shall come to judge his people. Quotations supplied by the compiler. Very often, during her ten years in the temple, Mary would meditate on these and many other prophecies in the Old Testament, and then she would retire to her little cell at night and pray for many hours. When she thought of God's love for men and of how he was soon to come among them and suffer as one of them in order to save them, tears flowed from her eyes as she prayed and a supernatural light surrounded her. Six months after Mary entered the service of the temple, the Lord appeared to her in a vision and said, My beloved and chosen one, I love thee with an infinite love, and I desire of thee what is most pleasing in my eyes. Hence I wish that thou dispose thyself for tribulations and sorrows for love of me. Mary replied, I wish only to choose suffering and to death for love of thee. Then the Lord continued, I accept thy desires, and as a beginning of their fulfilment I announce to thee that thy father Joachim must pass from this mortal to eternal life. His death will happen shortly, and he will pass away in peace and be placed among the saints in Limbo to await the redemption of mankind. Little Mary, who loved Saint Joachim with a holy love, felt a keen sorrow and compassion, and she immediately offered a fervent prayer for him. The Lord assured her that he would assist her father. Eight days before Saint Joachim's death Mary was told the day and hour in which he was to die, and she requested several of her angels to console him in his sickness, which they did. During his last hour she sent the rest of her angels to help him, and she asked God to let him see them. His favour was granted, and the angels were commanded to say to him, Man of God, in order that the pain and sorrow of natural death may be relieved by the joy of thy spirit, the Almighty wishes thee to know now that thy daughter Mary is to be the happy mother of the Messiah. Since thou leave us to the world a daughter through whom God will restore it, Do thou part from it in the joy of thy soul, and may the Lord bless thee. Saint Anne, who was standing at the head of her husband's bed, also heard this message. In the same moment Saint Joachim lost the power of speech, and he commenced his agony and conflict between joy at this great news and the pains of death. Making many fervent acts of love, faith, humility, and thanksgiving, Mary's holy father died in the precious death of the saints, and his soul was carried to the limbo of the patriarchs and the just, where amid intense rejoicing he shared with them the happy tidings that from Mary was to be born the redeemer of the world. When the angels returned and told Mary of her father's death, she begged God to console her mother, good Saint Anne. Soon afterward the Lord in his wisdom decided to train her further in the science of suffering. From birth she had enjoyed the delights of his love in frequent sensible consolations. Now he suspended all visions and similar graces, and ordered all her angels to conceal themselves from her. Feeling utterly forsaken in this sudden and unexpected dark night, in her humility Mary began to fear that it was due to her unworthiness and ingratitude for such precious graces. For days she suffered and longed for the sweet presence of her Lord. Often she said to herself sadly, I seek him and I do not find him. Alas for me my striving serves only to increase my sorrow. My beloved absence himself. I call him and he does not answer me. Daughters of Jerusalem I beseech you if you find my beloved. Tell him that I am faint and that I am dying with love. Tell me where is my beloved. Tell me where he has hidden himself. Tell me where I can find him. Then while the Lord continued to hide himself from Mary, he also allowed Satan to try her in order to increase her merit and reward. Irritated by her perfect virtue and holiness, the devil vainly attempted to incite her to commit even a slight venial sin of thought, word, or deed. During these various tests Mary never stopped praying to the Lord for help, and though she suffered from the strain and at time she wept, nevertheless without once losing her inner union with God she successfully fought and conquered all these temptations. Consequently Satan changed his tactics. Since he could not influence her directly, he incited others to persecute her. Without much trouble he made the other girls become inflamed with envy against her. Seeing what a model temple servant she was, they began to fear that because of her their virtues would be overlooked and their faults would stand out. Driven on by the devil soon they let themselves be moved to anger and hatred against her. Finally they plotted together to persecute her until she would be forced to leave the temple. Now they often spoke to her in a sharp, haughty and cruel way, accusing her of being hypocritical and of seeking the favour of the priests and their teacher. When they did this Mary answered quietly. My friends, you are right in saying that I am the least and most imperfect among you, but then you, my sisters, must pardon me and teach me in my ignorance, for as a servant I love you and reverence you and I will obey you in all things. Her sincere humility only made them more furious. For many days they continued to persecute and insult her at times even hitting her. But little Mary remained humble, patient and charitable, returning good for evil and praying for her enemies. At last one day the other girls decided to provoke her to do something rash so that they could accuse her before the priests and have her expelled. Before they took her to an isolated room and began to insult and hit her. But when she showed herself inmovable and only reacted with kindness and humility, it was they who lost control of themselves and screamed their hatred of her so loudly that some priests came running into the room and asked severely who was to blame for this commotion. While Mary remained meekly silent the other girls cried out. Mary of Nazareth makes us all quarrel. She irritates and provokes us so much that there can be no peace among us unless she leaves the temple. When we allow her her own way she becomes overbearing, but if we correct her she makes fun of us by pretending to be humble and then starts another quarrel. Taking Mary into another room the priests scolded her very strongly and threatened to send her away if she did not change her conduct. Deeply hurt by this threat the innocent child answered them in tears. My masters, thank you for correcting and teaching me the most imperfect and despicable of creatures. But I beseech you, forgive me, and direct me so that I may reform and henceforth please the Lord and my companions. After the priests dismissed her Mary went to the other girls and prostrating herself at their feet. She asked their pardon. However they continued to treat her with scorn and hostility while she kept praying to God for help and overcoming her faults. Then one night the Lord said to a priest in his sleep. My servant Mary is pleasing in my eyes. She is entirely innocent of anything of which she is accused. The same revelation was given to Mary's teacher, Anna. And that morning after consulting together she and the priest called in Mary and asked her pardon for having believed the false accusations. But the holy girls simply begged them not to consider her unworthy of being scolded and kissed their hands as she asked for their blessing. Thereafter God restrained both the devil and Mary's companions from persecuting her so much. But during all the ten years that she spent in the temple, the Lord continued to absent himself from her view with only a few rare exceptions. This was, of course, a source of keen and prolonged suffering for Mary, though she felt herself unworthy of his loving visits and continually sought to make amends for her own negligence. One day when she had reached the age of twelve, her angels said to her, still without showing themselves, Mary, as ordained by the Lord, the life of thy holy mother Anne, is now about to come to an end. This unexpected, sad news filled Mary's affectionate heart with sorrow. Prostrating herself before God, she fervently prayed. O eternal Lord, dismiss thy good servant in peace. Strengthen her, assist her, and let her enter into the peace of thy friendship and grace, since she has always sought it with an upright heart. God did not answer her in words, but that night he commanded Mary's angels to carry her bodily to St. Anne's bedside. Upon seeing her dear mother again, Mary's friends and again Mary kissed her tenderly and exclaimed, Good Mother, may the Lord be your strength, and may he be blessed, since he has permitted me to receive your last blessing. With grave affection, the dying St. Anne said slowly, My beloved daughter, do not forget me in the presence of the Lord, and remind him of the need I have of his protection in this hour. Do not leave me before you close my eyes. You will be an orphan, but you will live under the guardianship of the Lord. Do not leave the temple before choosing your state of life with the advice of the priests. Pray that if it be God's will to give you a husband, he may be of the race of David. Share your inheritance with the poor in loving generosity. Without ceasing, ask the Almighty to show his mercy by sending his promised messiahs. Beseech him to be your protection, and may his blessing come over you together with mine. Then, after giving Mary her blessing, Good St. Anne reclined in her daughter's arms and died in perfect peace. She was fifty-six years old. As the angels carried Mary back to her cell in the temple, her loving heart suffered a keen sense of loneliness. However, while praying for St. Anne, she gratefully thanked the Lord for having given her such a perfect mother, and for having showered so many graces on her parents in life and death. One day, not long afterward, for the first time in years, Mary's angels again became visible to her and said, Soon thou shalt see him whom thy soul desires. In order to console his beloved, he afflicts them. In order to be sought after, he withdraws. Then gradually, by a series of mystical experiences, God endowed Mary's pure soul with new gifts and tranquilized her spirit. At last, having raised her to a still higher spiritual plane, he again revealed himself to her in an exalted vision, which amply rewarded all her suffering and loving anxiety. Once again overwhelmed with joy, Mary prayed, O infinite goodness and wisdom, purify my heart and renew it, so that it may be humble, penitent, and pleasing in thy sight. The Blessed Virgin said to St. Bridget of Sweden, As soon as I understood that there was a God, I was always solicitous and fearful for my salvation. And when I heard more fully that God was also my Creator and Judge of all my actions, I loved him intensely, and every hour I feared and pondered lest I should offend him in word or deed. Then when I heard that he had given a law to his people and wrought so many wonders with them, I firmly resolved in my mind to love not but him, and all worldly things became most bitter to me. Hearing that this same God was to redeem the world and be born of a virgin, I was filled with such love for her that I thought of not but God. I withdrew as much as possible from the conversation and presence of others, all that I could have I gave to the poor, reserving to myself only scanty food and clothing. Nothing pleased me but God. Ever did I long in my heart to live to the time of his birth, if perchance I might be the unworthy handmaid of the mother of God. And to Venerable Mother Mary of Agrietta. It is true that on account of the blessings of the Lord, sin was impossible in me. But this was hidden from me. I saw that as far as it depended on myself alone, I could fall. Thus God left me in holy fear of sinning during my pilgrimage. From the instant of my conception until my death, I never lost this fear, but rather grew in it with time. And to St. Elizabeth of Shono. I want to teach you the prayers that I said while I was in the temple. When my father and mother left me in the temple, I resolved in my heart to have God as my father, and I frequently and devoutly pondered what I might do to please God, so that he would deign to give me his grace. I studied the law of God, and of all the precepts of the divine law, I kept three with particular care in my heart. Namely, thou shalt love the Lord thy God with thy whole heart and with thy whole strength. Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. I kept these precepts in my soul, and I quickly understood all the virtues which they contain. A soul cannot have any virtue if it does not love God with all its heart, for from this love the abundance of grace descends into the soul. But after descending it does not remain, but flows away like water, if the soul does not hate its enemies. That is, its sins and vices. I always used to rise in the middle of the night, and with as much longing and will and love as I could, I used to beg Almighty God to give me the grace to observe those three precepts and all the other commandments of his law. And I used to pray these seven petitions. 1. I prayed for the grace to fulfill the precept of charity, to love God with all my heart. 2. I prayed for the grace to love my neighbour according to his will and pleasure, and that he should make me love all that he himself loves. 3. I prayed that he make me hate and flee all that he hates. 4. I prayed for humility, patience, kindness, gentleness, and all virtues by which I might become pleasing in his sight. 5. I prayed that he should let me see the time when that most Holy Virgin would be born, who was to give birth to the Son of God, and that he preserve my eyes that I might see her, my ears that I might hear her, my tongue that I might praise her, my hands that I might work for her, my feet that I might walk as her servant, and my knees that I might adore the Son of God in her lap. 6. I prayed for the grace of obeying the orders and rules of the high priest of the temple. 7. I prayed that God should preserve the temple and all his people for his service. 8. I assure you that as I considered myself a most worthless creature and one unworthy of God's grace, therefore I begged him to give me grace and virtues. 9. The Lord did with me what a musician does with his harp. The musician sets and tunes all the strings so that they give forth a sweet and harmonious melody, and then he sings while playing on it. 10. Thus God brought into harmony with his will my soul and heart and mind and all the senses and actions of my body. 11. And being trained in this manner by his wisdom I used to be carried by the angels to the bosom of God the Father, and there I received such consolation and joy, such bliss and well-being, such love and sweetness that I no longer remembered that I had ever been born in this world. Besides, I was in such close intimacy with God and his angels that it seemed to me as though I had always existed in that true glory. Then when I had stayed there as long as pleased God the Father, he gave me back to the angels, and they carried me back to the spot where I had begun to pray. When I found myself on earth again and recalled where I had been, this memory inflamed me was such a love of God that I embraced and kissed the ground and stones, the trees and other created things out of love for him who had created them. And it seemed to me that I should be the handmaid of all the temple women, and I wished to be subjected to all creatures out of love for their supreme Father, and I frequently had this experience. Once when I was thinking that I never wanted to be deprived of God's grace, I arose and went to read in the scriptures desiring something to console my soul. When I opened the book the first thing I saw was this passage of Isaiah's. Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a son. As I understood from this that the Son of God was going to choose a virgin to be his mother, I immediately resolved in my heart out of reverence for that virgin to remain a virgin myself and to offer myself to her as a handmaid, and always to serve her and never to leave her, even if I had to travel all over the world with her. I did what a man does when he wants to build a beautiful fountain. He goes to the foot of a hill and carefully investigates where the springs of water are located, and having found their source he digs with care until he finds them, and then he directs their flow to the spot where he wants to have the fountain. Next he makes the place neat and wide and clean so that the water will stay clear. Then he puts up a wall around the fountain and he wrecks a column in the middle and makes channels around it so that the water can flow out freely for everyone's convenience. That is what I did. I went to the hill when I applied myself to studying the law. I found the spring, when through prayer and study I realized that the principal source of all good is to love God with all one's heart. Then I prepared and cleaned and enlarged the site when I conceived the desire of loving all that he loves. I also wanted the water to be pure and clear. That was when I resolved to flee and hate all stains. Then I built the walls when I insupprably united the virtues of humility, patience, kindness, and gentleness by the fire of charity, and kept them thus fused together until the end of my life. I erected the column and made the channels when I offered myself as an example and helper for all mankind, for I am ever ready to give generous gifts of grace to all who invoke me for themselves or for others. God placed me on earth as a teacher and example for all the elect, and I want you to do as I did. My daughter, you think that I had all these graces without trouble, but it is not so. I assure you that I received from God no grace, no gift or virtue, without great labour, continual prayer, ardent desire, profound devotion, many tears and much affliction, and by always saying, thinking and doing what was pleasing to God as far as I knew how and was able to do, except for the grace of sanctification by which I was sanctified in the womb of my mother. I assure you that no grace descends into the soul except through prayer and mortification of the body, and after we have given God all that we can give by our own efforts, however small they may be, he himself comes into the soul, bearing with him such exalted gifts that it seems to the soul as though she faints away and loses her memory and forgets that she has ever said or done anything pleasing to God, and then she seems to herself more vile and more despicable than she has ever been. And what must the soul do then? She must give firm praises and thanks to God for these graces, and she must consider herself unworthy of the divine gifts, and she must weep. And then God seeing the soul humiliate herself still more after receiving his gifts is moved to give even greater gifts. Thus did he do with me, for my mind yearned for the Son of God, my spirit burned with longing to have him. My whole soul became inflamed with such sweet bliss that it seemed to me as though I already had him, but as the human tongue does not have the power to express my inner fire of love, I prayed only to keep my external senses in order to place them at the service of that virgin. My dearest daughter, I have revealed to you the prayers that I used to say in order that by following my example you should confidently ask God in prayer for the graces and virtues which you do not have, and in order that you should humbly persist in asking for them. And I want you to pray with fervor and devotion for your salvation and for that of others, because God wants those who have to help those who have not.