 Grape nuts flakes program coming to you from Fort Meade, Maryland and starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston Dennis Day Rochester yours truly Don Wilson and one of the country's newest dance bands the McFall and Twins and their orchestra friend Don Shakespeare Wilson presents the cereal cereal in three acts each act will star America's beloved cereal treat sweet as a nut Grape nuts flakes the cereal folks fall in love with at the very first bite act one the scene is breakfast Mom pop little Willie are seated at the breakfast table and notice please in the spotlight a big 12 ounce economy-sized Package of delicious malty rich grape nuts flakes act 2 the next day and it's lunchtime Pops just come home from the war plant and moms just come home from Red Cross But Willie beats them both home and his teacher told him that whole-brain cereals make us well lunch and dish nowadays And here he comes bearing those grand tasting nourishing Grape nuts flakes act 3 one more day supper time for our dear little Willie and moms there with those crisp tempting toasty brown Grape nuts flakes. They're just as delicious. They're just as nutritious at breakfast at lunch or at supper From the state of Maryland the home of thoroughbred race horses. We bring you that all great. Thank you. Thank you. Hello again This is Jack Benny winning and Speaking of horses, I wouldn't be surprised of all track records were broken this year Race horses will run faster than ever before. How do you know they've got to it's either that or the meat market? Imagine imagine losing two dollars on a nag in a week later paying twenty four cents a pound for That doesn't seem right. No it doesn't tell me Jack Is this your first visit to Maryland? Oh, no, no, no, I've been here several times Don in fact, I got this scar on my chin when I was working at the Oasis Club in Baltimore Already that that was years ago. Oh a guy in the audience threw something at you No, no, you see Don I was going with a girl in the show called Charmaine the snake charmer And she didn't tell me her rattler was TV. I Don't know what became of Char Charmaine, but W. C. Fields tells me you often sees the snake Anyway down it sure is nice broadcasting for the boys here at Fort Mead, isn't it? Yes, Jack You know, this is not only a tremendous reception center But it's also one of the army's largest baking and cooking schools. Yum. Yum Baking baking and cooking. Yes, I went all through it this afternoon. Well, I knew it looks good I tell you don't if you're not careful you're going to find Come in Mr.. Benny yes on behalf of the boys in the baking and cooking school at Fort Mead I'd like to present you with this lovely upside-down cake. My goodness Do you make upside-down cakes in the army? No, I stumbled on the way over here Appreciate it. Anyway, it's a wonderful cake. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. What's going on? Well, Mary the boys at the baking and cooking school here just sent me this upside-down cake Does it look delicious? Yeah, those guys are gonna make wonderful wives after the war Well cooking is a darn good trade you ought to go through this school here, Mary I did this morning and you know Jacks. They certainly do things in a big way Well, naturally they have to cook in tremendous quantities. You said it I saw Kettle of soup so big they had a lighthouse in the middle of it That that I don't believe would you believe they stirred it with a speedboat? No, nothing you just saw a great big kettle of soup. What kind of soup wasn't Mary cream of elephant now cut that out But you know one thing down the food here really they have marvelous seafood here in Maryland especially oysters Yeah, I had eight dozen oysters for lunch eight dozen oysters. Oh, you must be awfully fond of them It's not that he promised some dame a pearl necklace What else can I get a girl gives me so much nourishment I'll get that necklace to say mr. Benny I was out in the hall just now and I still hello Dennis Hello Say mr. Benny. I was out in the hall just now where where you been all day kid. I was I was looking for you I went over to visit the wax at their headquarters Oh The the wax they gosh, I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be holding a second lieutenant on my lap I'm dating a sergeant Myself she's a fifth say mr. Benny. I was out in the hall just now and I saw a guy wearing two suits of clothes that were exactly alike Oh, those are the McFarland twins Art and George We have their orchestra tonight. Well, I'd like to meet him. He seems to be a nice fellow. You'd like to meet them Twins are two people. Well, they sure look alike. It wasn't for that glint and George's eye. I couldn't tell him apart My this a romantic program tonight. Hey fellas, come on out here and take a bow the McFarland twins Gosh, I can't tell these guys apart myself Well fellas, I'm glad to have you on the program. How do you feel to tell the truth mr. Benny? We're a little nervous A little nervous, eh? Yeah, we didn't sleep awake last night Say I like to get things straightened out here. Which one of you was art and which is George? I'm art and he's George Well, look, one of you will have to take that alone. Now, which is which? I'm art and he's George. I'm George and he's art I'm Mary and you're Jack I know, I know Now fellas, it's about time for your band number, but first I think our audience would like to know a few facts about you Now, where were you boys born? Detroit, Michigan Well, we got some boys here from Detroit. Whereabouts in Detroit were you born? To tell the truth, Mr. Benny, I was born in a taxi cab Well, I made the hospital Oh, then art is really a few minutes older than you, eh, George? Yeah, I ask his advice about everything Very good, George I'm art. No, I'm art Oh, I'm art I thought he was George No, I'm George What? I can't stand this. I'm going to blow my brains out Dennis, put down that atomizer Now that we're acquainted, fellas, what do you say we have a nice hot band number? Just a minute, Mr. Benny. We haven't discussed our salary with you Salary? Go ahead and play, fellas Hey, we're not playing when we straighten this out. When do we get paid? Well, it's very simple Sure. Every money Jack invites us up to his hotel for roast turkey Never mind And we have to hunt for our money in the dressing I do that just one week for a gag I got 15 cents and a giblet All right, let's have your number, fellas, and we'll talk about money later Come on, boys, let's play by the McFarland Twins and the Rockster Ladies and gentlemen, before we go any further I'd like to give you a brief description of what we're doing Now, let's see, they have brown hair, brown eyes, two heads, four arms, and twin beds They also have one salary And now, folks Hey, wait a minute What do you mean one salary? We'll talk about that later And now, folks, sit down, fellas, sit down Yeah, sit down before he knocks you down Dennis What was that crack, Benny? He said it was a crack Dennis What was that crack, Benny? He said it, not me Please, sit down And now, folks Gee, I'd be a fool to start a fight with two fellas Oh, really, I would have You'd be a fool to start a fight with two girls You stay out of this And now, folks, for our featured traction this evening I think one girl could take you You guys laughing at us Anyway, I'm ignoring that Now, for our featured traction this evening And in as much as we are broadcasting Only 20 miles from Washington, D.C. We are going to present a modernized version Of one of Hollywood's greatest motion pictures Mr. Smith goes to Washington That is, we are going to show you what would happen If a young senator were to arrive in Washington today In the first place, he'd never get a room Quiet, that's our plot I mean it I'm staying at the Charm Hotel in Washington And I had to take the bridal suite The bridal suite, what's wrong with that? No groom Anyway Anyway, Washington is crowded So is Baltimore, where Dennis and I are staying I've got lovely accommodations at the Belvedere, Mr. Benny But the view isn't so hot Oh, what floor are you on, Dennis? All of them, I've got a cot in the elevator My goodness Anyway, folks, in our drama I have my ups and downs, believe me All right, I'm up and down In our drama This comes in with those things there In our drama, I will play the part Of the young senator from Illinois Mary will be my secretary And Don, you're going to be the senator From your home state, Colorado Well, thanks, Jack That's very nice of you Don't mention it Do you think you can play the part Of a senator, Don? Jack, I can just see myself In the Senate chamber now Mr. President May I have the floor? Fellow senators I come from the wild and woolly west Where men are men And they've got to have Their grape nuts flakes for breakfast What? And I make a motion That an amendment be added To the Constitution To the Constitution? Let toasty brown sweet Is in a grape nut flakes Be served in every American home I thank you Very good Very good, Don The part is yours Now, Dennis As it says in the Bill of Rights It is the heritage of every American To have iron, niacin, and vitamin B1 I thank you again Very good, Senator Sit down Now, Dennis And furthermore Sit down, fat boy I steal everybody's stuff I don't care Or I'll tap you gently With this gavel Now, Dennis Dennis, you've got a swell part In our sketch You're going to play my father Your father? Yes I'll probably get slugged for this So I won't say it That's right Now, let's see if you can play The part of my dad Okay Now, sit down here, sonny And I'll tell you the facts of life The facts of life? Good Go ahead Now, I'm stuck Never mind You'll do anyway, folks Our play will go on immediately After a song By my father, Dennis Day Go ahead Picture Good Night Sung by Dennis Day Very good, Dennis Thank you Oh, by the way, Mr. Benny There's something I meant to tell you Did you hear the plug That Fred Allen gave you on the air last Sunday? Fred Allen Gave me a plug? Yeah, I heard it, too A plug? What did he say? Well, Fred said a policeman stopped some people Driving down Broadway last Sunday and said Hey, don't you know you're not supposed To drive around in your car anymore? Where are you going? Uh-huh So the driver said We're going over to see the Jack Benny program Yeah And the cop said Well, as long as it's not for pleasure, go ahead The plug Allen gave me? Listen, Dennis, what do you mean plug? That's an insult Oh And now, ladies and gentlemen Well, I still think it's nice That we're the only program people can drive to Oh, quiet And now, ladies and gentlemen That kid's half Pollyanna and half stupid And now, ladies and gentlemen Well, it's about time you were getting here Hello, boys, did you settle me? Rochester, I want you to play a part In our sketch tonight You're going to be a Pullman porter A Pullman porter? Don't act so surprised What? What did you do before you worked for me? I was president of a bank Now, wait a minute What bank were you the president of? The Harlem put in your money And we'll roll you double in nothing for history Well, tonight You're going to be a porter On the express train That runs between Chicago and Washington Can't you make that a local? I got a gal in Pittsburgh Rochester, this'll have to be an express Okay, let's go For our political drama Mr. Benny goes to Washington Take it, Don Wilson The opening scene is the railroad station At Waukegan, Illinois Jackson Benny, a local boy Has been elected to the United States Senate And the whole town, including his father, Zeke Benny Has gathered at the depot to see him off Listen to George Pritchard And his Waukegan firehouse band Isn't that thrilling, dad? Those cheers are all for me I'm mighty proud of you, son Wipe your nose Thank you Thank you I sure appreciate you're coming down to the station And the first thing I intend to do as senator Is to carry out my campaign promise to definition Yes, I will positively And in closing, I would like to repeat my campaign slogan Vote for Benny and get him out of town All folks, I thank you Now, where's my secretary? Here I am, wipe your nose Thank you Are my trunks on the train, Ms. Livingston? Yes, if you ought to be wearing them, you'll freeze I mean my baggage Well, that's my train, I guess Goodbye, everybody, so long, dad Wait a minute, son, I hear there's a lot of gales I'm going with you You can't go, dad You haven't got your toothbrush I haven't got my teeth either Let's go Okay, come on All believing on track one for Chicago South Bend, North Bend East Bend, West Bend And I've been fine, how have you been? That guy's been out on a bender That corny Come on, dad, come on, Ms. Livingston We're off to Washington Senator is well on his way to the nation's capital Just think, tomorrow morning I'll be in Washington Washington, D.C. I've always wondered, son, what does the D.C. stand for? Yes, sir Well, a senator's got a lot of them A lot of important things to do, might as well get started Take a letter, Ms. Livingston I didn't bring my notebook and pencil Oh, fine, you've been my secretary for eight years And you haven't taken down one word Well, you haven't said anything That's so, just for that, sister, you can get off my lap And then your father better get off mine Well, the train's crowded Now, where's my briefcase? Say, Porter Yes, senator Have you seen my briefcase? I want to get my cough medicine out of it Was that stuff, cough medicine? Yes Oh, so you thought it was something else Well, it says right on the bottle Take two tablespoons Take two tablespoons before retiring Well, I'm going to bed, I don't know what about you We both need rehearsing there What? Good night, senator Oh, well, I can get some more medicine in Washington tomorrow morning Before we get there, will you please take off those spats and say vote for Benny on them? Oh, yes, I wore those to get the midget vote I think I'll rehearse my speech for the Senate Hello, senators I am here today to plead for the walk Keegan Bill A bill that will provide for Hurray The following morning, and we find our young hero about to enter the lobby of a prominent Washington hotel Gee, things are crowded here I hope we can get room Well, let's try this hotel Okay You can see that Have you got any vacant rooms in this hotel? No, and wiper your noses Thank you This looks like a new place Pardon me, can we get rooms here for tonight? We have no rooms, we have no suite We haven't even got a seat But that's the way it always goes I'm sorry, sir, and wipe your nose Thank you Pardon me, do you have rooms here? I don't know Hey Eddie, have we got rooms here? Our weary group is still on the march Walking, walking, walking I'll never get to the Senate Look, senator, there's a nice hotel and it doesn't seem crowded Where? Right ahead of us See that sign, Hotel Vecansi That's vacancy It means they got rooms, let's go in Our last repound of place I'll speak to the clerk Pardon me, sir I wonder if you have any room Hello, strenzer I saw your sign out front, vacancy What can you do for us? Well, senator, for 25 cents you can hang all night in the coat room And for 50 cents, you can sleep on the jukebox Jukebox? Right in the purest phase, 5 cents extra And for a dollar, you can ride the revolving door and sleep like a top Well, I'm willing to spend money What have you got for $10? For $10, I'll sell you this brick A brick? What am I going to do with that? You can break my window and sleep in jail Okay, get out of me Come on, dad, come on, Miss Livingston We're off to the clink You know, friends, when I was a baby I was such a little baby Oh, fully I used to call me little boy Wilson No one ever thought I'd grow and I'd grow until, uh... Well, you see how it is And what happened to me happened to crisp toasty brown grape nuts flakes They're fast growing, too In fact, grape nuts flakes are the fastest growing ready-to-eat cereal in America today And there must be a reason Well, there's a reason, all right Two of them First, it's that distinctive flavor The flavor you all love in grape nuts presented in tempting flake form And it's that nourishing goodness For grape nuts flakes bring you the important whole-grain food values you find in natural whole wheat including iron and two of the valuable B vitamins recommended for everyone by our National Nutrition Program So ask your grocer for luscious grape nuts flakes in the big economy package That was the last number of the 17th program of the new grape nuts flakes series And we'll be with you again next Sunday night broadcasting from the Marine base at Quantico, Virginia Tomorrow night, we'll be seeing you boys at the U.S. Naval Station at Bainbridge, Maryland with the whole gang including Danny Kay, the star of Let's Face It also hope to be in Washington for the President's Ball Good night, Johnny Now at Fort Wheaton, Maryland and it's not necessarily constituted an embarrassment of the product by the War Department