 Hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today. Our topic, how to make a man addicted and commit to you. How to make that happen. Really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button. Hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithm. Really quickly these are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony, very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you ask I shoot personalized videos just for you. I'm pointing the finger at you. So check out the link below to my VIP group called Midlife Love Mastery. Okay we're going to talk about how to make a man addicted and want to commit to you. And before I do that though I have something I want to share with everyone and that is I totally understand from a woman's point of view how absolutely frustrating the dating process can be today because it can seem like most men are rather flaky in the process, they're inconsistent, they happen to be more hyper focused on the physical aspects and not really wanting to commit fully on a relationship and certainly there is the variety of men who have clinical issues that have created very disruptive relationships out there and I recognize your frustration. Now ladies I do have something to say for every complaint that a woman has on a man, a man has a complaint on a woman as well and here's the challenge because we can sit there and point the fingers at one another and yet all of this pointing fingers creates more divide between the sexes and it creates a emotional chasm between the sexes and quite frankly as a male out there I am so frustrated with the male bashing that goes on out in the dating mating or relating realm and just in general how much male bashing goes on and for the most part men's identities for thousands of years has been solely from the perspective of being a provider protector. I repeat that their their whole responsibility was to be a provider protector providing as in providing the food making sure the food was there and protecting them from enemy clans and so for this has been generationally built into men that that's how they operate. The challenge is is we've shifted as a society as a world because we are no longer constantly at war although here in the United States it's almost becoming a civil war but that's a whole another conversation as well so that requires us to lean more into the emotional aspects of humanity and most men aren't even prepared for that and most men are criticized and stifled when they are when they do try to be emotional and quite frankly most men don't know how to navigate their emotions and I'm here to say it's time to rewire this whole narrative of how dating mating and relating should be because in the past it was much simpler it was much simpler because for the most part and I want you to think back throughout history for the most part when you connected with somebody it was from your tribe it was from your village it was from your town it was from your work environment so most likely this person wasn't a stranger to you in fact you had multiple degree you didn't have all these degrees of separation you had more degrees of connectivity most people knew your family members they knew your friends and because of that it made it safer to be in a relationship for for thousands of years it made it feel more emotionally safe to be in a relationship and this is true for men and women alike and now we live in a whole different environment where we we use our phones to connect with people roughly about 50% of all new relationship these days is happening through an online connection and I suspect that number is going to increase so we are as I said and I know I talk about this incessantly about understanding that when we're meeting total strangers and we know nothing about them we don't feel safe to want to lean into a relationship now I know women tend to bond to men through sex so you literally naturally become attached to someone in a relationship but men don't necessarily bond through sex I repeat that men don't bond through sex we actually bond when we feel emotionally safe with a person when we actually feel emotionally safe you look at any couple who's happily married if you ask the man what is it about his spouse that he just absolutely adores and most men will say this almost almost every single guy will say I married my best friend I married my best friend and what's interesting about this because let me tell you about men for a second when it comes to our male friends we don't share our emotions with them we don't share our emotions with each other in fact when you know it's interesting it wasn't until my son passed away and those who know me know um my 19 year old son passed away a few years ago was until my son passed away that my three my two closest friends and I actually began speaking to one another at an emotional level at an emotional level I mean and I'm in my 50s folks and this is true for so many men and I gotta tell you there are men in their 60s that still haven't spoken to someone at an emotional level at an intimate level at an intimacy level which means into me you see into me you see and so what's going to change this narrative particularly for those who are seeking a romantic relationship is a deeper understanding of what does it take to get to know another human being what does it take to become emotionally safe with another human being and the problem is most dating rhetoric is based on attraction and because of that most dating process today is hyper focused on chemistry and romance as being the leader of the relation the indication of relationship success without understanding the more important mechanics to a healthy happy relationship which is and if you know my relationship iceberg here it is everyone right at the tip of the iceberg you know above the water lines attraction the tip says chemistry but shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity that's where compatibility comes in and so if you really genuinely want this guy that you're with if you really genuinely want this man that you are with or that you're going to be with in the future then it's so critically important to recognize emotional maturity is this person capable enough to actually be in a relationship with me and emotional maturity looks like this it looks like actions consistently matching words victor consciousness and not victim consciousness and i gotta tell you here on the united states we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness everybody is a victim in fact when you complain about the other gender you're operating from a victim consciousness number three they actually know how to actively listen when there's a conflict and acknowledge your partner's point of view i call it fighting fair you listen to your partner's point of view you acknowledge their point of view as being true for them that's what an emotionally mature person does number four is empathy and empathy isn't just i can feel your feelings empathy means i care about your feelings and more so i care about my own feelings and lastly transparency transparency means if it's material to the relationship you're going to speak up and where most people fail many women alike is in the area of emotional maturity to begin with and then next is that blendable lifestyles can the two people that are dating right now can these lifestyles eventually blend with one another and folks it takes a level of intentionality you have to be intentional when you date this this narrative that's been so barraged and sold over and over again about chemistry and romance yes it works two out of ten times maybe i don't know i can't even guess but this but this if you're not intentional in the dating process then it's going to make it very difficult and lastly do you share the same values do you share the same values because if you really want to make a man addicted to you and want to commit then he's going to have to feel like this is the safest place i can be this is the emotionally this is i feel emotionally safe in this relationship i feel emotionally safe in this relationship and if you want that to happen i'll share that with you in a moment of how to make a man feel more emotionally safe and really quickly i do want to identify my t-shirt says if you noticed it says people should seriously stop expecting normal from me we all know i'm it's never going to happen folks i'm the contrarian out there i'm giving you advice contrary to public opinion and tradition really quickly i want to thank everyone for your kind messages for my father he did have his surgery a few days back and it seems like he's doing well i am pre-recording this video so but i want to thank you all for the love and support i want you to all see my coffee mug today says do all things with love do all things with love folks why my channel my channel's intent is to help shift the narrative from an egoic way of dating and a goic way of operating and operating from a heart centered space how to connect with your heart if you're not familiar with my book called what the heck is self-love anyway what the heck is self-love anyway there's a link below it's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work so you can begin to connect with your heart and there's another book i highly recommend for everybody is return to love by maryan williamson return to love by maryan williamson there's a link below to all the books i recommend folks the reason why i recommend so many books is because if you want to be able to to make a man addicted to you and want to commit then it's going to require you to lead by example from the emotional aspects of a relationship for you to lead by example you know it's interesting my best friend met a woman some years ago actually i fixed him up and my best friend i mean the dearest he's a match he's a match great guy but not very emotionally expressive and then he met a woman who was incredibly emotionally expressive and he was highly attracted to her and they got along great they'd shared activities hobbies mutual interests they did stuff together they had their physical intimacy but what she introduced him to was for him to connect to his heart for him to connect with his heart and how she did it is she led by example he she led by example and he was literally addicted to her and and willing to commit now the sad part of the story and i don't want to get into the particulars because like all relationships there was a challenge between them that made it difficult okay and sometimes that does happen but you know what he's now capable of opening up his heart and let me just tell you something sometimes people are in relationship they shouldn't be in relationship with so when you use what i'm about to share do this for only the guys that are really the right fit for you not the wrong fit and i know many of you get attached to the wrong fit and then you complain about the guy when you don't take ownership in your own part and that's where that victim consciousness comes in so what's going to shift this narrative let me tell you something folks it's going to start by being radically honest radically honest and this is why if you watch my videos and i continually invite everyone to do this is before you get together physically and i mean sexually you purchase two copies of this book eight dates by Drs John and Julie Gottman two copies of this book eight dates by Drs John and Julie Gottman and the reason folks why i repeat myself sometimes is a when watching a video you know it's hard to write everything down so that's one of the reasons why so for those that complain that i repeat myself the other is to emphasize the point and why i'm recommending this book and let me just tell you something i hear this i mean i have clients and and and followers reaching out and me thanking me jonathan i bought two copies of the book we began reading it and we began talking with one another we began talking with one another because folks here's the sad part when chemistry and romance leads the process most the time you're talking at each other and you're not talking with each other by exploring the more emotional aspects of the relationship by introducing this content to a man you're actually helping him get closer to you it makes him want to get addicted to you because you're leading by example and i'm going to recommend one more book before we wrap up today and well actually a few more books i'm going to recommend reading emotional intimacy ladies just because you can vomit your feelings doesn't mean you're good at expressing your feelings so i know a lot of you live in this delusional cloud that just because this is your complaint about men men are emotionally unavailable and women are but you're not emotionally available you're just a vote emotionally vomit your feelings and it requires expressing oneself in a healthy happy way this is why i continually recommend reading the book nonviolent communication by marshall rozenberg and by the way this should have been this should have been titled compassionate communication by the way again the links all there below so it's going to require being radically honest right from the get go by being more intentional by being more curious and inquisitive and asking better questions so you don't a fall for that emotionally immature person you're going to have to ask better questions if this person's lifestyle can fit in mind and lastly do we share the same values in fact in my private coaching by the way there's a link below if you want to schedule a call with me that's what i help women with is teaching how to become radically honest based on your personality and many of these books can help you as well in fact i want to recommend two more books before we wrap up today and i know you might seem frustrated by all these books books books books folks there's nothing more powerful than a than a nurtured mind and a nurtured mind shows up with a nurtured heart and a nurtured heart shows up with intimacy and when a man is feeling your emotional intimacy he's going to want to connect with you he's going it's just again not all men are capable of this this is why choosing the right guy is so critically important for you because you oftentimes are investing in the wrong person and by the way if you're the if he's the wrong person for you you're the wrong person for him so i said i was going to mention two more books i want you to check these two books out couples communication and how to build trust in a relationship pause the video if you need to and write all these down because if you want to have a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship then it's going to require being more intentional being more intentional than the fantasy way of most people are dating and as i started this broadcast look i understand it's a mess out there it is very frustrating for you women and by the way it's frustrating for men too this is why it's going to require entering your heart from a compassionate place by doing all things with love by doing all things with love starting with the love for oneself can you emote out into the world this shift of energy and i promise you if you practice what i preach here you will begin to see different results my clients use these techniques i don't even like using the word techniques they use this experience to out help change their own experience and i want the same thing for you all right enough preaching i think you get the point in everything if you want a man addicted to you and want to commit then there's going to have to be emotional safety built and how is that built leading by example if this is something you want then start leading by example and let me know how it works for you let me know what you think of my t-shirt really quickly i post a comment below i do my best to read them all all right i'm going to wrap up this video as i always do first off give myself a big gigantic child of the barric of self love i'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay i'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now