 The greatest entertainers in America as requested by you the men and women in the United States Armed Forces throughout the world Command performance presented this week and every week till your home from the hospitals and back from over there Frank Bingman turned off the top of another command performance Half an hour of the best for the best, that's you Loaded according to your letters to command Care of Armed Forces Radio, Los Angeles, USA Well, you guys and gals really know how to pick them for your hostess tonight is really a pip It's the beautiful talented DECA record star, the star of Radio's Club 15, Evelyn Knight Hi everybody, glad to be back once more And right off the bat, I'd like to answer those requests from Glad Sack Jolly, Gruesome Bakewell And the rest of the listeners to WVTR Tokyo with a little item labeled, The Tourion is Bonnet Mac Tavish was pipe major in the Highland Scotts Brigade And proudly led his regiment when it was unparried He loved her highland lassie and before he went away She sewed a little keepsake on the top of his beret His red dude was not the mooner, his red dude She said to a Mac Tavish man if you were true to me The Bonnet Tourion, his red dude, his red It's the first command performance business on hand Gang, here's a new face on your show, the country's newest sensation Much thank you, hi, Evie Glad to see you, Vic Say, you know, you're an awfully popular guy They tell me your records are selling like hotcakes I know, I wish they'd sell like records How's about giving us a sample of that liquid larynx? Well, I'll tell you, Evie We've got a song we'd like to do We do hope you like it, it's just written by a very great team Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein The song, Why Was I Born Wonderful And I hope you like it Stars we couldn't possibly crowd into just one show And now we're going to thank to just one man One man, and how is that possible? Well, listeners have been hearing good things about He's becoming the king of the smart supper club comics I mean, of course, Arthur Blake Thanks a lot Right away I got to explain this 12 feet of hair hanging down my spine I need it in my impressions You know, Evelyn, I do Ronald Coleman, Spencer Tracy, Lionel Barrymore Clock cable Excuse me, Arthur But those guys all have close haircuts So what are you doing with all the hair, huh? Stove it in my ears, I can't stand impersonation Come to business, Arthur Suppose we fill those thousands of orders By presenting a digest version of command performance With all 8 million guest stars provided by one Arthur Blake Command performance USA The greatest entertainers in America As requested by you The men and women in the United States Armed forces throughout the world Your host tonight is Arthur Blake Yes, and here's our first guest One of the top hits on your hit parade Jimmy Stewart Well, I really shouldn't be on this command performance You see, the marine who wrote Asking me is now an enemy of mine Made a foe out of him Won all his money in a crap game That's what you call making a foe the hard way Well, gosh, old jelly beans Look who's coming in now, Catherine Hepburn Hello, Jimmy, darling Is that really you? Really? I've heard such a dull conversation I'm sorry, Katie, I don't have any calla-lalays for you Oh, I'm so tired of those beastly calla-lalays I'm sick and tired of walking around with calla-lalays That's why I'm so glad to see these servicemen I'd much rather be Roman in the glomen with a yeoman I must be going now, really, I must So long, Katie Well, look who's over there now Say, isn't that film land's greatest gossip reporter Head of Hopper? Thank you and hello, everybody This is Head of Hopper bringing you the low down In the higher ups in Hollywood I attended newcomer Arthur Blake's debut last night The place was packed to the doors What celebrities, everybody who came Or who could come, stayed away The line of people waiting at the door Reached way down the street, two blocks north Clear to the Paramount Theater Come to think of it, that's the way they were facing But only way friends, more power to Arthur Blake A talented young man who rose from nothing To a state of extreme poverty Yeah, now gang, here's film land's Greatest Gossip Reporter, Loella Parsons Thank you and hello to all of you From the high looses I'm Percy Lope with Phil Spitalney's orchestra I think I'll get up on my wood-bearing soapbox Oh, my Well, look who's under the table Head of Hopper Lolli darling, I do love that polka dot dress you're wearing Thank you, Head of, but I'm not wearing a polka dot dress This is his jab this evening, gal Wonderful, darling, how did you ever get those warts lined up like that? Sweetest things, head and deer Would you like to go out to my car and breathe the exhaust pipe for a while? Darling, tell me, did your parents have any other children Or is it still one zombie to a customer? Wait a minute, girls, wait a minute, wait a minute You've got to break this shop because here comes Peter Laurie Look who else is dropping in to be on command performance Banty Davis Peter, Peter, Peter Peter, darling, I have a cigarette Davis, would you mind holding your hand still? I can't like your cigarette if you keep making circles with your hands Just a habit, darling But who else do you know that can talk to you and wipe your windshield at the same time? It's a nervous habit I get so nervous I'm ready to pop And even wait until I'm ready Oh look, I can't stand Edward G. Robinson and here he comes now. Yes, Edward G. Robinson, that's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a pretty tough guy, see? Yes, pretty tough. In that tough neighborhood I grew up in, a guy had to be tough. Had to live by your fists, always by your fists. While I was 12 years old before I knew I had fingers. Edward, you're pretty good with a gun too. Yeah, I can shoot faster than anybody alive, see? Nobody can shoot faster than me. That's why they call me, get the lead out, Robinson. Yeah. Uh, well now to put a fitting climax to this star-studded command performance, I want you to all listen to Mr. Dorothy Lamour. Dottie, the stage is all yours. Another talented group of people. Well now, thank you kindly, partner. Bust my coyose, but I'm sure proud to meet up with a filly like you. Oh, Arthur Blake, I didn't know you did a Western too. Oh shucks, I'm not Arthur Blake, I'm just letting my hair grow for a Western moving picture. Golly, gang, then I guess this isn't an imitation. It's really Lloyd Perriman and all the rest of the Sons of the Pioneers. Well, thank you very much. Why, yes, ma'am. Why, why Evie, my great grandfather was the first man to bring a horse from Kentucky Detectives. No kidding. You bet he did, and Kentucky made him bring it back too. Well, I guess we better get on to some music. What, uh, what have you boys cooked up for us? It's a new tune that I think has a great future. It's called The Lucky Old Son. Yes, Evie. That's right, it's from Sergeant Frank Johnson, and he's sick and tired of those gay happy radio programs where everybody always remains calm and gay and philosophical, shows like one man's family. Oh, yeah. The roof can fall in, the dam can bust, the children can starve to death, yet through it all they remain calm and happy. Well, Sergeant, we're prepared to try and kill off such programs with a special drama about a typical perpetually happy family. The gruel joys. Tonight, we present chapter 312 of book 27,983 of our story of the philosophical gruel joy family. This chapter is entitled Shirley Temple, or John's Other Wife. Mother Grubnick's Bird Gravel Company, makers of Mother Grubnick's Pettigreed Bird Gravel, brings you the family all America adores, the gruel joys. Yes, the gruel joys, the sweetest, nicest, homeiest, philosophicalist, lovingest, sugaryest, darlingest, most not-shading family in America. But before we put on our rubber gloves and pick up the gruel joys where we left them yesterday, a word from our sponsor. As you know, our ketchish slogan used to be Mother Grubnick's Bird Gravel is the only bird gravel that contains gravel. But the other day we had an explosion in the factory and now our new motto is Mother Grubnick is the only bird gravel that contains Mother Grubnick. And now for the gruel joys. Remember yesterday when we left the gruel joys, Victor was about to hit his wife Portia with a coal shovel. Did he hit her? Yes, he did. But it was just a lover's quarrel. It might have happened in any American family that had a coal shovel. As we join them today, we find Father and Mother Gruel Joy sitting in the parlor reading. Let's listen. Oh, Victor, darling, there's a precious frown on your precious philosophical brows. What's wrong, precious? Well, I'm a bit worried about Little Herman. Don't you think precious Little Herman is too skinny? Skinny? Why, Angel? Why, this morning he pulled the stopper out of the bath sub and he slipped down the drain. Wasn't that precious of him? El Segundo, when he looked for him, he should be coming through by then. Of course, nothing ever goes wrong because in this world good people are good people and bad people are bad people and the bad people are never bad and the good people are always good. Now there's a great hunk of philosophy. Thank you. That's by Edgar A. Guest. Edgar A. Guest, the poi? No. Edgar, a guesst that divide a wee sanitarium. Well, fortune, I tell you, let's turn on the radio and get some joyous news of the happy outside world. Flash, it has just been learned today that 60 million people starved to death in Siberia. Say, did you hear that, precious? 60 million people starved to death. Yes, precious, now that they took it seriously. Another flash. Today, 49,000 people were run over by steam rollers. Isn't that precious? Another flash. Two million people drowned by a flood. Two million people. Wow. Is this that precious, precious? Yes. One final bulletin. Mother Grebniks has decided to drop their daytime program about the happiness family, the drool joys. What? Portia, this is serious. I'll tune in to great analysis. Great and... great news analysis. Yeah, great news now, analyst. Somebody who keeps up with the important developments in news. Oh. I know who you mean, Victor. Don't tune her in. I couldn't stand her at a time like this. But this is her station. Hell, let's just elope with the entire student body of Vezer College. For the male, dear R.G. I'm sorry, but Lana Flapslattles, telephone numbers and military secrets, knowing only to the members of the United States Army and Navy. You better take care of that last important matter. One moment. Portia, Portia, this must be the this must be the bulletin about whether Mother Grebniks keeps us on the air or not. Friends, I have something very important to take care of. Dads, now she's lost her place. No, I'm gonna turn that darn thing on. No, don't, don't turn it off. Why you? Victor, you're not mad because I turned off the radio, are you? You still love me, don't you? Why, of course, honey love. Her announcement might only mean the difference between life and death. A slap happy broad. All right, lover of my life. I'll bet he'd give a million dollars to get a divorce from you. Are you comfortable, huh? Well, I'd give a million dollars to get a divorce from her. I could get one too on the strength of her diary if I only knew where she hides her diary. Completely comfortable, Victor, darling. I bet he'd love to know where I'll hide my diary. Oh, swell. I wonder where she hides it. Uh-huh. Little does he know it's right under the cushion of this love seat. Where? Under the love seat. I thought so. I thought so, you faithless hussy. This is all the evidence I need. Take that. Now that you're shut up, I can finally turn on the radio and hear what Luella was trying to say. Marvin, are you positive? Come on, Luella. Marvin, are you sure this is it? Say, Evie, I understand you and Victor Mone have cooked up a really great closer for the show. A duet, is that right, Vic? Yep, and it's something we hope those customers around Okinawa will like. Exactly like you. Those love scenes exactly like you. You make me- You seem to understand little scheme of scheme and dream of me for someone exactly like you. You make me- You seem to understand even dream of- And now, Evie, shall we say good night to the people? Right, Vic Mone. Why don't you tear soft? Okay. Good night, gang. Frank Bingman. Good night, guys and gals. Sons of the Pioneer. Good night to all of you from hell! Radio service, the voice of information and education.