 Hi guys, we are so excited to have you back. Thank you so much for watching this episode. In case you have not subscribed, make sure you do. Now let's get right into it. Our topic of discussion is very, very, very, very. Eh guys, would you forgive cheating? Because we have seen someone in South Africa, it's a couple, and a man has posted his girlfriend and told her, So sorry for cheating, I love you, but I just can't stop cheating. Thank you for giving me for the 15th time. And I'm just here wondering, do we have the energy to forgive 15 times a relationship, not even a marriage? I mean, do we have the energy to do that? What do you guys think? First of all, that is an open relationship. That girl should just accept that. Yes, she should accept that. I'm not saying that she should also be getting other men, because come on, 15 times, that's actually not love. And this man said, it does not make you lesser. Yes, it does not make you look dumb. I love you. Oh gosh. I just can't stop cheating. That is disrespect. This man does not respect you. He has zero respect for you as a person, as a woman, as his woman, he has zero respect for you. And then, forgiving cheating. Would you forgive cheating? I don't want to be a hypocrite. You know, I love you, I don't want to comment, but I have forgiven cheating before. I have forgiven not once. Okay, so we are going to get why. Not once, not twice. I have forgiven cheating. But that was when I was younger and I was not really... But now, now it's a bit tricky. I don't know, I can't surly, not now. In this day and age, I will not. You, Liz? It's a tricky question, but for me, I feel it depends on the nature of our relationship. If I'm married to you for 15 years, I will give it a thought. But right now, no, I will not. Especially how I find out. I feel like if you have to cheat, not that I condone cheating, but if you have to cheat, let me not find out. Let me not find out you're chatting with this girl, you've been meeting with this person because I will not strangle you, but I will be very mad. So also how I find out if this other woman disrespects me and sends me pictures of the both of you, there are some levels to disrespect. So it depends on nature of relationship one to how I find out. Well, would I forgive cheating? I would wish to say no, but I have forgiven cheating before. And I don't know if it gets better after you forgive or it gets worse. I'm not so sure because again it depends with the relationship and it depends on who you are forgiving. Why do people forgive? I would say why I forgive. Yes. Because to me we have decided for like three years you are my person. I'm so used to like I do want to leave that relationship. I feel like I have invested a lot. You get. So I do want to leave that relationship because I have invested and there's a kusame. So that's why I forgive. And I did it once, twice and then that's when you felt like I felt like the disrespect was too much because now I remember kwanza ya pili. So he gets and as I appear I don't want to pay out and tamia too. Ya. Hey Liz, have you actually forgiven cheating? I have oh my God. Why did you forgive? Because I love that person also in love. Then I was always like I'll change, I'll change. Until I forget the fourth one I was like yo, I'm going to get hapis in this relationship. No, ya. I was led. I felt like I have to every single time nashida ni you're not even being smart about it. If you're cheating, let me know find out. Be smart about it. But someone who's not really hiding it like even the guy the South African guy he's not really hiding it. This is the 15th time he's not hiding it. If I've forgiven you once, twice, three times you and Mother Rao at this point Mother Rao. And the ones that come with kids in Tufesidibia the young African rich famous whatever. But the one Tufesidibia had cheated I go home all the time. Oh my goodness. Ya. I just thought you're in a marriage but in that since you got married for Tufesidia it was the in a marriage and then in that same marriage I'm going to tell you what to talk about me. In my case. I feel for that one I would live. Well personally why I forgive there are a couple of reasons. One I sort of felt you know that thing of who you invested your feelings for all these years it was a long time relationship so I felt like you know what I am not ready to start afresh I really don't even know someone else do I really want to start afresh I'm like ah he has asked for forgiveness he's going to change but let me tell you minor after that it's never the same then also I had a thought of I probably might never find someone else or someone better. Better ya the ocean is full of fish my friend I'm not sure if the fish is in the ocean and excuse me he's not even better if he's cheating on you he's not he's not for you but you see now when we meet you always feel like he will never find someone else you're finding the best you will start making excuses for him be part of all I decided like right now in my groin edge I'm still growing though I keep saying I start making excuses for a man if I start making excuses to show people how good he is and people are not seeing that that's a red flag but now let's talk about the impact cheating does into a relationship and I mean we all have first hand experience so maybe we can speak from that and our friends experiences what does it do breaks the trust trust for me I'll be looking at you every single time I'll tell you when you're out I'll tell you when you're out I'm insecure let me say that I'm insecure about everything you do like I want to check it every single moment like trust I feel that trust that's number one then I will always be suspecting you I will always be suspecting you then I will always be suspecting you then I will always be suspecting you so I feel for me it will never be the same yeah and also for me I feel like cheating really makes lowers your self esteem because if you have invested your feelings to this person you trust them you have given them your body your soul you know when they cheat on you it breaks you mentally what am I what am I not doing correct you have even blaming yourself for someone else behavior so it really breaks you mentally and the moment you are broken mentally there is nothing else you can do as in you have unless you rebuild your mental state and bring it and make it positive you build your self esteem but can you really build your self esteem when you forgive the same person that broke you that's why it's easy for you to forgive one person I actually cannot judge that girl I cannot because it's easy for you to keep forgiving him because after all your self esteem sayari kuchini so you just like now who's going to accept me I've been with this guy for all these years everyone knows that this is our relationship how do I even start dating again how am I sure if I won't find a worse person someone worse than what I have right now better than the devil you know than the angel you don't know I say it right a few times maybe it's that angel at this point but it's never work I feel there's a time someone cheated on me with someone and I started dressing like that looking like that girl you know trying to look like that girl until I was like that's crazy right what the hell is this baka mimi I used to ask what's wrong with me baka I started changing my attitude and sometimes it's not even new it's not even new at all it's not you it's never you it's never you actually it's just their behaviour that's just them so you have to figure out am I going to deal with these issues because I mean yes there are people who have cheated and they ask for forgiveness and they never did it again maybe but I believe if you cheat you want a cheater always a cheater but I also always say is a difference between getting married to a man because there are men who are losing people's DMs hey hey in girls DMs and there is a man who is really not interested in everyone also there are people you would look at the people they are cheating with they are looking nothing like the wife so clearly this person has no type it is a scat his type is a scat I always say that's the reason why I would not even forgive you like you said maybe in marriage I can forgive you but how am I forgiving you nalabdo lichit nambot surely surely I would feel very bad if you are cheating on me with someone who is not even at par with me you know how can I even start forgiving you for cheating on me with our house help honestly that's disrespect we're just cheating on me with anything that works as in when you say mati oh there's a way her mind was very intellectual you can't even say just anything that works so really how am I going to keep you here if you have me and this is what you went for and you have me, come on so yeah I don't know they say sometimes you can't control yourself but where is the respect what do you mean you can't control yourself where is the respect because sometimes there are people who can cheat outside there and again some of the men have interacted they may cheat on you but it's not like they don't love you that's what I hear all the time I hear that and I want to ask you guys this notion that a man is a man he's gonna cheat is that really an excuse for people to cheat but do you believe some men don't cheat yes yes I don't like that comment when people say it's just a man he's gonna cheat either way men have wandering eyes excuse me in Islam they say lower your gaze as a man when you see a woman lower that gaze first of all Leon is seen and also kutamanim what is this called the 10 commandments isn't that one of them adultery is one and also kutamanim just kutamanim aliam isn't that a commandment so men really tell me what is this if you clear that's where they drew the line your man is a man come on but also I feel like you see now when this man the men now cheat what are the long term effects to kimalizia because yes how would you go about living with someone now that you've forgiven I mean we have all experienced this how was it it had but also I would say for you to take back someone their actions have to be to be very loud their actions and also that's why I said like for you to believe someone is changing they can't just tell you oh I'm going to change and then you're there yeah but he will change what what has he shown what are the changes he's shown seem to turn actually not come but they may change and then a few months later we are back and then you're like babe me change no the actions has to be loud and they have to be ready for all the consequences they have to be ready for your healing process for you the trust for you to regain that trust back they have to be ready for that for that whole process because it's not a nice process so if you're not ready for that I have to know where you are and have to know who you are with because you cheated and I already know this is how you cheated you have to you have to be patient with me you have to be patient with my healing process and actually it's very unfair for you to have expectations on how you will be forgiven exactly like what you mean you did not consult when you were you were betraying this person so it is so unfair for you to have expectations but again also if you plan on forgiving someone then also don't give them a hard time because you made the decision of forgiving them also try to heal without causing them more harm because if you're going to cost them harm it is not going to come back nothing is going to change he cheated you are betrayed so you decide if you're moving on or you're moving away it's that simple because I have to be patient because I have to be patient because I have to be patient and if you move away it's that simple because again you bring up the issue all the time all the time you're not even happy what is it for it's not making sense anyways guys your final words now that we all forgive in the past we forgive cheating would you guys forgive cheating now no because I did it but right now I'm not married to anyone so no well personally I don't know would I give a second chance it depends on the situation it depends on the situation I think until I'm in that situation that's why I'm going to know if I'm forgiving or not but it depends on the situation but for giving the third time I don't give that chances I only give second chances on cheaters stop disrespecting your partner especially you cheat 15 times and then you ask for forgiveness and you put it public like who are you if you cheat be smart about it cheat smartly don't get caught so if you decide to cheat just no choices have consequences because you have to do it you have to go with those consequences but if you feel like you know you're not ready to face these consequences of probably losing a relationship betraying your spouse someone you claim to love breaking your marriage then think about it before you decide to cheat let us know down on the comments section would you actually forgive cheating if you are forgiven why did you forgive after you forgive kuna endaji tuam vie thank you so much for watching friends vibe until next time from us