 We are so fortunate the restraining order we have an effect right now seems to be doing the trick of keeping him away but it's just so scary to me. The power of a manipulative abusive person. It is so scary to me and such a sad horrifying terrifying thought that there's somebody out there in a relationship with somebody like this right now as we speak and there's somebody out there afraid to leave like my mom was. Hayley Reese just shared an extremely powerful story about getting out of an abusive relationship dealing with a stalker managing your mental health so in this video we're going to break it down and hopefully you'll get inspired too. What is up everybody this is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is pull different topics from the youtube community to try to teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well-being so if you're into that kind of stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell so I up until this morning had absolutely no clue who Hayley Reese was and it's funny too because I turned to Tristan I'm like hey have you ever heard of Hayley Reese and she's like nah and then I go and check Hayley Reese's channel and she has like a lot of like spooky stuff and that's exactly what my my girlfriend Tristan's into so Tristan might go check out some Hayley Reese but anyways her new video um about her family stalker was recommended to me on discord so in discord we have a channel for video topic ideas and zombie pie actually recommended this video so shout out to zombie pie for recommending this video um I don't have a chance to make all the videos that you guys want me to make I do watch a lot of the videos that you send me though but this one was perfect because it actually tied into the mental health motivation email I sent out this morning by the way two things if you're not in discord come in discord if you're in an abusive relationship or you're just struggling with mental health come join our discord we have over a thousand people in there a ton of support channels like please come join us but if you're not on my mental health mailing list like join it sign up it's free and I try to send these things out in the morning a couple times a week and this morning this email was about you know even though like being mentally healthy is hard it's not impossible and I talk in that email about the difference between can't and won't right because I really want you to feel empowered and understand what you can and can't do because once you start to realize that like this is part of that internal locus of control I keep trying to teach you and once you realize how many choices you actually have like you become much more empowered so real quick before I jump into this video I want to throw out a big disclaimer and I was actually thinking about doing a poll on this so clearly I am not a woman okay um and it's it's rough it's rough for me to cover some of these topics because I don't have the experience of being a female who has been in an abusive relationship and trust me like the only reason I do this is because my channel is about mental health mental health awareness and I want people to be talking about this more and learning and understanding like I've worked in mental health treatment for over three years now I've done hundreds hundreds of all women's groups and trust me it's the same thing in there and you know I usually get a pretty good response I I actually haven't been hassled by women in any of those groups but I do get hassled on the internet sometimes the internet is just much more vicious but anyways I just want to throw that disclaimer out there but um this is why I suggest like a lot of uh you know my female audience I have a large female audience you go and you find women who inspire you and just in case my message isn't the right message okay it was a really terrifying time of my life but it really taught me what I would be willing to take from somebody in a relationship and where I draw the line as far as respect goes and as far as mutual understanding and just anything to do with relationships it set a standard of this is what I will not tolerate and I am very thankful that I was able to interpret that from the experience that we went through I wanted to start out with this clip it's actually later in the video but this is something that I can definitely relate to so what Haley's talking about is seeing her mother right and her mother like her mother sounds like a badass okay like I am so inspired like my mom um did something similar and had to leave her husband and like what Haley's talking about is how it helped her understand what she will and won't take or what she should and shouldn't take in a relationship all right because I can definitely relate to that I am one of those people like some of you out there where I dated at my self-esteem level I have been in many abusive relationships all right like Haley mentions in there which I'm glad she did like men can be in abusive relationships too I've been in emotionally abusive relationships verbally abusive relationships I've even been in physically abusive relationships where I've been hit had stuff thrown at me and all those things but I didn't leave so I can definitely relate to that but you know when I started working on my mental health and most of all my own self love and self compassion and learning what I do and don't deserve in a relationship things got better like I stayed single for over a year and a half because I set a bar I set a standard for myself and I'm going to have a guest video soon from one of my friends about setting an ideals list so so you kind of have like a framework of what you will and won't tolerate like I waited a very long time staying single until I found Tristan and she marked off all the positive check marks on my box and that's why we've been together for two years but until she came around I was staying single because I knew what I wasn't going to tolerate like I think I mentioned this in one of my Jason Nash and Trisha Paytas videos the other day like if things are going terrible from the beginning like if you got on a first date with somebody right and things aren't that great or they like say something and it's kind of argumentative or something like take that as a red flag but I figured I would film a video talking about it because so many of you guys have asked for a part two to that but also I think it's really important in such an educational moment in general for anybody in a relationship with somebody who's abusive or manipulative or controlling or or an alcoholic in this specific case not saying every alcoholic does these types of things but it's really important to recognize the depths of people's attachments and how far some people are willing to go this is so so so important this is so important like we need to we need to be more mindful this is why I talk to you guys so much about practicing mindfulness because we need to be aware of what's happening not only in our mind but what's happening in our world right so I can relate to this in a sense that I was extremely lonely for a long time being alone was just the worst emotional pain like I hated being alone and because I hated being alone I would lower my standards but what the problem is is that when we're extremely lonely and a lot of this comes from like childhood or past relationships we want love we want attention right so what happens is we might start dating somebody or talking to somebody and they for example they text us all day long all day long they text us so in our mind we feel like they're good for us like oh they they they only think about me they're always thinking about me that's a good thing but this is why you need other people to kind of give you input because there's a certain point where that might not be healthy that might actually be a red flag and I hope that makes sense if you're just meeting somebody and they're like having like some obsessive tendencies towards you that might be something that you need to look out for so that's the video we're diving into today I hope that you guys enjoy it and at the very least can hopefully learn something from it or warning signs or red flags or things to look out for when dating a personality like this in this clip like I wanted to show it because I think it's important that we talk about you know like victim blaming is a very tricky subject so during the Shane Dawson and Jake Paul series I made a video about Alyssa Violet and Tristan informed me that I was a little harsh in it so I made a follow-up video talking about emotional abuse not being okay so when it comes to victim blaming like I love what Hailey Reese said right there because there's there's just things that we're trying to teach you and educate you on so you know what to look out for all right there's so many things that are not in our control okay there's so many things so many of you watching this you went through you know abusive childhoods or relationships and none of that none of that was your fault but as we move forward in our lives we have to look back at those situations or learn from other people's situations and say okay maybe there's warning signs that I need to look out for all right because the more aware we are of what to look out for we are minimizing the chance so there's no way we're ever going to avoid every terrible situation ever that is impossible okay but part of like minimizing our anxiety and feeling more empowered is knowing what to look out for something I've mentioned in other videos is that people with anxiety actually live longer because they're constantly worried about things so like you got to find a balancer you're not like constantly having panic attacks but if you're always like okay wait is this person safe to be around um what does this body language mean oh is this is this right like anxious cautious drivers get in far less accidents than other people now I'm not saying like freak out while you're driving because that will cause accidents but I hope you're understanding what I'm saying like it's important to have a healthy fear in certain situations so again like when Hailey Reese is talking about this when I'm talking about this I hope you understand this isn't a victim blaming mentality but what we're trying to do is help you learn from either other people's situations or from situations you've had in the past for example from all the abusive relationships I've been in like I said earlier in this video I've learned what what red flags to look out for when I started dating other women it was a lot and my poor mother was trapped in that cycle of a victim who is not only afraid to leave but is manipulated into staying where she finally drew the line and left him was when he started getting really violent when he would get drunk and that became the point where it wasn't just about her anymore it was about her kids and she knew that for us that she had to leave right there right there is the epitome of what I'm talking about when it comes to can't verse won't okay and again my email that I sent out this morning I'm going to link it down in the description and in the pinned comments please go check it out so like I said I have done hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of women's groups and I worked in a drug and alcohol treatment center and a huge part of recovery is getting out of bad relationships so just a real quick real quick summarized story of my mom who's been sober for 13 years she tried to get sober multiple times when she was with my step dad but he refused to change he refused to not have parties at the house he refused to not have liquor in the house and all these other things so my mom had to leave him okay so like whenever I hear somebody telling me oh I can't leave this person I think about my mom right my mom was scared she was scared out of her mind about leaving him because of financial reasons security reasons you know so many things like her children that she had to take care of she was so worried about all of these things but she knew she knew that her mental health had to come first so especially if you're a mother or if you're a father or whatever it is like you need to understand the difference between can't verse won't and I this is another reason I think you should join the discord server and get suggestions and advice from other people because sometimes we stay in the problem like for example Tristan is uh she's actually in class right now she is getting her degree in social work which is to help people who are in bad situations right and like there's so many resources that you might know not know about like I know here in Las Vegas we have a bunch of women shelters we have like Westcare which helps women and children like women can bring their kids to Westcare to live with them like it's amazing so sometimes when you think you can't do something like you might just not be aware of the resources but it's important to realize like you can do it you're just afraid to do it all right and something I mentioned in that email is yes I know it's scary but at least when you realize that you know you can do it but you're just afraid it empowers you just a little bit and you make a little bit of a step forward all right so listen to stories from people like Hayley Reese listen to these stories about people how people left an abusive relationship and use that as inspiration uh all I can say is I'm so thankful that she was able to come out the other side for the better and able to be a survivor of abuse well you guys that is it for today's story of my family's crazy stalker I hope that you guys enjoyed it never ever ever tolerate anybody treating you like you are less than because you are worthy of all the love and respect in the world and nobody should ever make you feel otherwise this right here this right here so you're gonna get a little tough love Chris I know you love tough love Chris but like Hayley Reese just explained why you share your story okay so I'm gonna touch on this in a couple different ways I made a video a week or two ago that oh it made people mad it is still making people mad I'm getting comments on it I'm not gonna say which video it is some of you know what it is but in that video I called somebody selfish for not sharing their story and people are livid people are livid and I replied to the comments just laughing like why do we get so offended when we're when someone calls us selfish like we are selfish you guys I have money in my bank account right now because I'm selfish there's nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with the fact that I haven't gone and emptied out my bank account and just made it rain on every homeless person in Las Vegas that is selfish okay when I am eating food and not giving it away I am being selfish there are many things that we do that are selfish the problem is is that a lot of us refuse to acknowledge it like I'm not saying like that being selfish is always a bad thing I have to be selfish in order to take care of my mental health I have to I absolutely have to but so many people get offended like how dare you call this person selfish just because they feel uncomfortable doing that I'm like yeah yeah right so um I admitted this I have an old video that I made um about closet sobriety I think and basically what I do is is that I real I realize and I acknowledge I am being selfish by not sharing my story right I am I am more concerned about how it's going to embarrass me how it's going to make people look at me I'm more concerned about that than the fact that it might help the people who are hearing my message all right so I just want to make that very clear and that's what Hailey Reese is talking about so this is a way that I kind of trick my mind into helping me get out of social anxiety so I've had a lot of people say that they're afraid to join the discord server or afraid to join the Facebook group and all of this and here's my advice to you I was thinking about sending this out in an email in a few days but like just realize that you opening up are you talking to people in there you are helping other people all right so just always try to remember that because what helps me and my social anxiety is when I quit thinking about me and thinking about how I can help other people so again everybody's at a different place in their process not everybody is going to be Hailey Reese I did a video about pixie locks not that long ago how she opened up about her self-harm relapse like yeah not everybody is in their um like a place in their recovery for them to share their story but just at least acknowledge that it is selfish and when you feel like growing out of that in that aspect of your life give give what you can't away which is your story your inspiration all right that's why I share so much of my story on this channel because I hope to inspire you okay but anyways let me know down in the comments below um if you have had any experience with previous abusive relationships and what you did to get out of them like did you turn to family did you turn to friends did you turn to local resources like let's turn the the comment section into a resource center for anybody who is in an abusive relationship and wants to get out of it all right but anyways that's all I got for this video if you liked this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos and a huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon you're all amazing and again there's a link down below to the email list and don't forget my book on anger management is coming out very soon so stay tuned all right thanks again I'll see you next time