 So today we're gonna explore how to make a man think about you all the time How can you be on his mind all the time? So Doing preparing for this broadcast. I thought to myself about reviewing a book that is Supposedly the quintessential book on how to make a man think about you all the time So I thought it'd be fun to explore the book called the rules the rules the dating do's and don'ts For the digital generation now. This is an updated version of their original book called the rules This is the new rules and I thought let's take a peek into each Chapter heading or each rule and see how this applies to make a man think about you all the time So so now I want to be candid with you. I have not read the entire book. I've skimmed it a few times I actually I'm gonna be candid with you I was revolted by it many of its assertions Just don't sit well with me because to me the book the rules is a game-playing version of Approaching dating mating or relating and I'm just not a big fan of game playing and manipulation and while some of the aspects of the book were particularly in the area of empowerment. I understand why the Context exists there, but I think by doing it in this approach It is not genuine and sincere So after we review the book the rules We're gonna review the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated, okay And I'm gonna make a comparison that I actually believe by following some of the principles in this book You will actually get a man thinking about you all the time And then I'm gonna wrap up with my number one way to get a man or woman to think about you Consistently and I'm talking about that relationship that surpasses the hookups the friends with benefits the cat Situationships the casual relationships that lean into something a little bit more serious So rule number one from the book the rules Be a creature like no other be a creature like no other Now again, I haven't read it, but I'm just gonna assume it means, you know, make yourself stand out From everyone else and to some degree I'm a big proponent of doing personal development self-help spiritual work to make not so much to make yourself Stand out because I don't like the idea of making comparisons within people But I think the idea is to set yourself apart and I'm a big proponent of that now Sadly many people like for example that use online dating as a way to connect with someone 98% of dating profiles I review on a regular basis are crappy at best are crappy at best And yet everybody thinks theirs is good. It's like, oh, I'm in the top two percent You see this is the delusion human beings live in everybody thinks they're the exception Well, I'm here to say if you're watching my channel and there's 10,000 views on this video 9,980 people are not the exception. Okay, it's very small percentage. Did I do my math, right? Okay rule number two Look like a creature like no other Okay, say yourself apart, you know, I'm a big proponent of when we feel better when we dress better and When we groom better and we take care of our physical appearance, I think that Actually innately makes us stand out. So to some degree and again, I haven't read what it says in the this book But I can certainly appreciate look like a creature. No other. Okay. Let's go to rule number three Don't talk to or text a guy first. Don't talk to or text a guy first. This is the rule Right. This is how to make a guy think about you all the time. Don't talk or text That's a game Okay, it doesn't matter who texts first What's most important at that that there is balance between communication that you're both initiating because men by the way Inherently men have insecurities as well I know the book is trying to design to design for you to go after that top 1% of ultra confident man who can be manipulated and by the way the ultra confident man Doesn't put up with the bullshit in this book Let me be clear and if he does put up with it is because you're a game to him You're a game to him that ultra confident man You're a game to him if he's putting up with the bullshit in this book He's like I want to see how long I can play this woman But that's all that is so just recognize that some of the tools that are recommended might be Might hit that quintessential guy, but you're simply a game to him Don't talk or text a guy first. I think that's ludicrous Don't ask a guy out by text Facebook instant messenger or any other way Ladies it is absolutely okay for a woman to initiate a date. I've had women initiate dates with me Some I've said no some I've said yes. I had one woman some years ago said I saw you I was listening to a podcast of yours with Allison Armstrong And I thought you're a really neat guy and I noticed we live in the same city. Would you like to get a cup of coffee? I'm like sure See if she played by this rules, I never knew she would have existed so folks we have to go beyond this gender rhetoric and Recognize that we're simply human beings and if you want to connect with a human being at a heart-centered level then don't play these games Let's look at some of these other rules Wait at least four hours to answer a guy's first text message and a minimum of 30 minutes thereafter I'm gonna repeat that wait four hours Wait four hours the fact that you do that and if it's intentional Let me just tell you Karma will bite you in the butt. Okay, if someone texts you and you you have the time to return a text then return the text If you're intentionally waiting to try to create some sort of artificial Attraction because that's all that is is an artificial form of attraction Karma will bite you in the butt. Just remember when you're playing a game Karma will bite you in the butt. So I just don't recommend that one We're gonna go through a few others here. Don't answer text or anything else after midnight You know You know what if there's someone I like and I happen to text them at 1159 and they respond back Might create an opportunity for a telephone call I'd like to think I'm a man of integrity so I'm not just in it for the booty call Now certainly that might be the reason why someone might do that but to play this game You know and and I can recognize that and by the way, I will say this when I've seen messages from women at 2 in the morning I Oftentimes wonder well, is there a mismatch in our in our daily schedules because I happen to wake up at 445 every morning And I'm usually I'm like in bed by about 9 30 and fall asleep by 10 o'clock okay, but But you know, I'm just thinking It's it's designed to like I understand the why you might not want to but you know what if you like someone They like you. What's the big deal that you've text after 10 o'clock. Oh now here's one stay away from his Facebook page You know what I love I don't know about you, but I love stalking people I like stalking their their social media pages. It gives me insight Into who I think they are as a person. I think a person's Instagram and Facebook page and social media gives us kind of a clue of what type of person they are in What I mean to say is do you feel a resonance with what they post? Do you feel resonance with the style of pictures? They put up, you know When I see a woman's pictures that are all selfie selfie selfie selfie selfie It's a gigantic turnoff to me. It just is When I see pictures of partying partying partying partying partying That's just for me. It's a turnoff I'm not saying it has to be a turnoff to everyone just to turn off to me So if you saw a guy with the same thing, it's all shirtless, you know Selfie pictures and it's and it's all out partying with women Isn't that gonna feel a disconnect for you? That's how I feel about it. Maybe you feel the same way So I'm actually a big proponent of stalking a person social media This is one make yourself invisible and other ways to get out of instant messaging You know, I gotta tell you something with the fragility of human, you know particularly Okay, let me backtrack. I think the book the rules is designed for those that those Men and women who probably have lots and lots and lots and lots of options Okay, they're crawling with men who are always after them folks the average person At best is a six on the scale from one to ten. Okay, the average person. Okay, I don't consider myself much more above average Okay, and most everyone feels the same way So it's not like we're getting tens and thousands of you know people interested in us So I don't believe in making yourself invisible. In fact quite the opposite make yourself as visible as possible Put yourself in in much environments where you can be seen by the same, you know Single eligible people. That's just my take on that Let's see now. Here's a good one. Don't lose your friends because you're so obsessed with a guy Great rule. Okay, great rule See when a person is obsessed, there's no way a man will think about you all the time because you've made us your obsession But I think that's a rather obvious one. Don't you think okay, but I can appreciate that rule Uh here don't get wasted on dates or at parties. Oh my god. So can I tell you guys a funny story? Well, it's not very funny. I once went to a city that was literally 60 miles away from me for I think it was a second date It was a second date. So it wasn't a first day. It was second date and I met her at a restaurant And and they had a great bar to sit at we sat at the bar and we end up having dinner at the bar And she and we end up having like I end up having like four or five drinks, but we were hanging out for I want to say five hours She got so drunk. She passed out at the bar And I freaked out. I'm like she literally passed out at the bar And so the bartenderess was a woman. I said look Listen, I just only met this woman once before would you please go inside her purse? To find her wallet to see where she lives And this was kind of before we used uber on a regular basis kind of thing So so I waited for the place to close the bartenderess and one of the the the bus boys So we got her car keys the bartenderess And and we put the bartender's drove her car To this woman's house, okay But then it turns out she had a combination lock to get inside her house and And I went with the other guy. I think he drove my car. Oh no, I drove with him But he drove my car. I mean it was so sweet the restaurant to help out But I will tell you And it was like scary to try to figure this all out And I thank god that nothing went really went wrong I will tell you I didn't have another date after that but not because I think she's a bad person But I will tell you just left a bad taste in my mouth. So that rule I guess don't get wasted on a date I think that's a good rule you know My point is the book the rules is supposedly the quintessential book to make a guy think about you all the time And yet if you're playing games to get someone to think about you all the time I don't subscribe to that So I want to read you chapters from again this book If the Buddha dated and by the way all the books I recommend are listed in the links below Not the book the rules, but this book is definitely listed there But I want to read you because to me this represents This represents a heart centered way of connecting with another human being So rule number two Or chapter two ground yourself with spiritual wisdom I'm a big proponent folks. You're very familiar with the book the fact that I wrote a book called what the heck A self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work I'm a big proponent of grounding oneself in a in a regular practice of personal development self-help spiritual work therapy somatic therapy Heal childhood wounds and adult traumas. I'm a big proponent of doing the work in the book the Hoffman process See, I believe when men and women who show up With higher emotional IQ are the people we think about more frequently That's just my supposition. You don't have to subscribe to that But I do believe the more a more higher emotional IQ a man or woman has The stronger they that more you are apt to want to be with that person if you're an emotional grown-up Just recognize that emotionally immature people struggle with high IQ people because They're insecure The person with low eq is emotionally insecure and they get they're not capable of facing their problems They run away from their problems hence why they choose kind of mediocre relationships over and over again Um, no chapter number four stay loyal to your journey Folks i'm going to tell you something i've observed about women I've observed most women act like they come to me for private coaching I'm this is something this is the what I say on a telephone call So i'm sharing with you jonathan. I know what I want. I know what I want I know what I want relationship and I know you don't like that. I mock that voice, but it's just tongue-in-cheek And then they go through the proprietary coaching program I create and can you guess what they say every single time And by the way, here's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you It's listed in the links below They say jonathan. Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this in school? Why didn't I learn this before I dated the wrong person? Folks part of the biggest problem with dating today is Human beings don't know Thyself they don't know thyself. In fact, I want to read to you a meme that I posted Yes, I think it was yesterday Um Let me see if I find this um pump pump pump pump Maybe it was oh Okay, here it is Over the oh it by the way Okay, I'm gonna read you what I posted and then I'll read you the quote I have Over the years I've said that dating requires being a detective In that each person gives you clues as to who they are in every facet of communication Which is especially true when dating And yet as humans we've adapted to the belief that strong chemistry is the indicator of relationship success Which causes us to overlook vital areas of misalignment There is this phrase no thyself No thyself Which to me is our barometer For assessing if someone is genuinely suitable for us, which is why dating was invented versus strictly moving towards mating Dating is our chance to assess alignment and in areas and areas needed for compromise And here's the rub humans often don't know themselves And worse they project who they think they are For short term gratification Especially now that we live in a world where basic survival isn't the sole purpose of a romantic relationship I said who here gets my point and the meme I posted the quote is Many people project who they think they are And it's called dating to find out who they really are So coming back to the book if the buddha dated The secret in my opinion Is to throw out the gender rhetoric that has that causes this I believe it's a misconception Of temporary it works on a temp the book the rules works on temporary attraction And I think our gender divide or expectations is why it's like this instead of like this And the reason why I like the book the rules because it works on this one premise This isn't what the book says. This is what I say To make a man think about you all the time or to make a woman think about you all the time Is when you've become really really good friends with each other When you've really become good friends and getting to become good friends requires doing social activities hobbies mutual interests Spending time with family and friends traveling together Teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy That is rooted in commitment But jonathan i'm in a long distance relationship. We only see each other once every six years folks It is virtually impossible to become it's not impossible. It's like dumb and dumber It's one in a million. So you're saying I have a chance. Okay It is incredibly rare to develop a deep friendship through our smartphones You can develop artificial intimacy But it's very rare that you can build a deep friendship with someone that you don't physically interact with It takes roughly about 100 hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layer of trust Just to build the first layer of trust and even jay shetty says in his book It takes about 200 hours to build a good friendship with someone That's face-to-face time And if you want someone to think about you all the time it requires a fair amount of face-to-face time Doing things together that you enjoy and not just Netflix and chill Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts on these perceptions Please post a comment below. I do my best to read them all within the first 24 hours As always if you find value in this video, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell And if you want to connect with me here schedule a discovery call with me in the links below you can Schedule a call with me. You can follow me on instagram. You can join my group called midlife love master You can get the books I recommend you can Get my dating vows listed all in the first comment and in the in the no uh show notes as well All right, since this is a live video if you have a question for me I want you to write the word question then post the question there after Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box All the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there with his brother collin He's my son who passed away over five years ago and his honor We donate to causes like the hoffman process inside institute and we give scholarships to coaching as well So again hit that little dollar sign and our goal tonight is 50 dollars I'd love to get some love. So don't forget write the word question post the question thereafter Jody says I love how jonathan is open and honest and great teacher. Thank you so much. I appreciate that By the way, someone wrote me yesterday. I want to share with everybody this This is about she said jonathan based on the book if the buda dated that you recommended I started taking turns paying for dates No one used anyone and it was fantastic Just wanted to share with you some again. I highly recommend. I love this book. I read this in two I think I read this in two or three hours. I love this book. It's not that thick. Okay All right ria if i'm pronouncing it properly is in the house. Oh, uh, let's read this okay My daily lifestyle is usually in bed by 11 p.m Latest if men if men some that go out really late on a regular basis Does that mean they seek thrills and don't have their act together? I'm gonna assume that you're talking about men in their 20s 30s and maybe even 40s If they're in their 50s and 60s most guys I know are not out partying late Now I have a dear friend that works. I mean he's up until two in the morning But he's not out till two in the morning. Some people are night owls. Some people are early people I it's rare that you see men in their 50s and 60s out, but if they are Gotta ask yourself Maybe maybe they are maybe they're attracted to entertainment If they're attracted to entertainment, then they're gonna require you to entertain them to be happy in a relationship And that's just a supposition I have But I I could see how it might be a misalignment between the two of you, but that's why you spend time together That's why it's called dating. You have to get to know someone Jonathan, what do you think this is the magic entertainer? What do you think about a guy I never met say to me? You're too picky. You will never find out what you're looking for Well, I'm gonna assume that you've had some interaction between the two of you that caused him to Observe something in you that was misaligned with him. Okay He observed something in you that was misaligned with him for him to say that Maybe he read something in your dating profile to say that that's his perception of you Do you care about his perception? I know you're gonna say I don't care Um But what do I think about that guy? That's just his perception of you everybody makes perceptions We make quick judgment sometimes doesn't mean it's right. It just is for that person. That's all that is um If you want to join the hot seat live, I'm just gonna put a link here Who wants to join me live on the hot seat? I would love to have some Fun conversations with you guys right now um So I just placed a link this will require a set Thing up setting it up on your phone or your laptop So I uh definitely recommend you do that if you'd like to get on with me live. I'd really appreciate that okay And let's keep going All right, let's see what other questions we have here Okay, jane spitfires in the house and by the way we'd like some love so donate some money Do you think cooking him a meal or touching him on the shoulder then asking a thought provoking questions? topic he might want to discuss I'm if you're asking me is that okay to do apps a fucking lulie. I don't see anything I mean, I guess it depends on your comfort level with him I guess it depends on if you feel safe But if you feel safe to cook a person a meal I like by the way, you're covering acts of service. You're covering um Physical touch asking thought provoking questions. I think those are great things I wish humans would do more of that in the dating process instead of less of it. So thank you so much. I appreciate that Uh fair poet is in the house Question I work at a car wash and I've noticed that most men go out of their way to call me by name initiate conversation Are married are these cheaters are just nice guys? You know, there's a contemporary of mine um who's married And there's a group of us dating and relationship coaches that get together once every six months in Santa Monica And he openly admits that part of his his reason for going is he likes He doesn't flirt with the women in the group It's just he likes to be in that flirtatious environment. Now. He's very upfront with his wife about this But I think and and I can see why he may do that because he's married with children He probably feels like the walls are caved in to on some level. Okay. I'm I'm I don't want to over dramatize it But I'm seeing on some level. So getting out interacting. I think men Kind of want to feel like they still have a little bit of gain You know, even if they're married It doesn't mean that they're cheaters. It just means that it's nice to get You know a compliment from a woman, you know, it's men get so few compliments in the day Particularly a married person gets all I mean most okay The number one complaint I've heard this is just my perception. This is anecdotal Men have said is they feel unappreciated. They have felt unappreciated in their marriage So sometimes flirting with the woman at the car wash is an example or any person Just makes them feel a little more appreciated and more desired But it doesn't have to mean anything more than that, you know, we we have the capacity with free will to draw that line And again, if he's in an unhappy marriage, he could you know, he could do something about it Or he could just be stoic and say i'm the provider protector. It's my role and i'm just going to stick to it And gee, I mean, you know, that's that's also possible as well Ah Jody says thank you for all your help with the five dollar super sticker that leaves us 45 dollars more to go for tonight So we appreciate the love Betty says have you thought about taking your dating rules and write a book about it my dating vows If you're talking about my dating vows folks Before the penis goes inside the vagina You may want to Learn my dating vows. There's a link below to get a copy of my dating vows and it's Uh, it's basically a commitment two people make and it goes like this I your name agree both of you do this agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something Serious in the next three to six months I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together I agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process Including taking down our dating profiles. I agree to speak up if this isn't work This isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing I agree to invest regular time in the process to getting to know you which looks like Two three four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy Now 90 percent of men will bail on this because there are thousands of women who all have sex without any commitment agreement whatsoever If all women band together going forward, this will change how men treat and view sex But in the meantime if he does agree you have a better chance of commitment than without it Yes, there's a link below to get my dating vows. Maybe I should write a book about it Um Jane spitfires back in the house Which is better to get him to remember you through thought provoking questions or touching him on the shoulder As we talk about interesting topics. Why not both? Why not both? You know You could ask the most amazing thought provoking questions And he still might not be into you I think I I truly believe we we resonate like I want you to think about like Resonance like a tuning fork I think we could be at our absolute best and still not resonate with another person because Their journey might be at a different place than yours. This is why i'm a big proponent I said this in my in what I shared with you in that meme every fact we Every facet of communication gives us a clue as to whether or not we resonate with someone A few months back I had interviewed here. You can look up my interview with matt con and joy kingsboro And they're both spiritual teachers. They're uh, woo-woo people in my world And when they met there was absolute resonance. It was like a tuning fork So you could even touch someone and and ask thought provoking questions It may not be the right person because it doesn't resonate with them But I think it's certainly better if that's who you are then that's who you should be that would be my suggestion Great question by the way Monica says do you what do you think when a guy you're dating for two months asks you to go to church with them? very serious step, right Um, oh it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to marry you, but I think it's certainly a great Um step in the right direction that there's you know, if church means something to him And he's inviting you to his congregation to connect and commune. I think that's a great sign that he likes you absolutely um, is the very serious step I don't know if I'd say very very very very very very serious, but I certainly think it's a step in the right direction So yes, monica. I do like that Hey, who wants to join the hot seat with me? Come on. I'd like to have some love right now um Okay, let's keep going here Let's see monica said Question by the way, you're also welcome to ask me personal questions as well Monica says would you get turned off if a woman you're dating for a couple weeks took pictures of you And your kids off of social media and made a photo album creepy too soon well Am I having sex with her? You know once you physically are intimate with someone then I think you know, you're exploring something serious I think it'd be a I'd actually I would view that as a very sweet gesture If it's someone I met on a thursday night And on saturday they did that I might think that's a little bit creepy But I'm a I'm a kind of a hopeful romantic So I actually might think that that is a little bit endearing, but that's just me so You got to ask answer that question for yourself But I could I would say if you're physically intimate with someone then You know, that's part of bonding. It might be their way of that might be their way of showing care And it may not be the way you receive care But certainly I would I'd honor that that's but now could that mean that they're psycho and they're going to be You know like a a leech on you. I don't know yet. You know, this is why it's called dating Jane is back in the house What do you think of the out-of-the-box dating idea keeping him in your memory dates such as go to the zoo Walking through the flea market walking along the beach finding items hidden in the sand You know what? Okay One of the most memorable Memorable dates I ever had I still think I mean the fact like I'm right now going to share with you this date And I can viscerally remember it. So you're gonna love this story So it happened to be on our second date. She wanted to go to disneyland. Okay. She had never been there before So we made arrangements on a saturday to go to disneyland now one thing you need to know about jonathan as late I can't stand lines. I hate i'm just an impatient person just an impatient person So when you pull into disneyland it's literally 20 minutes Driving around to find a parking spot which all right the steam is starting to come out And then you get out and you have to take a tram and the line to just get on the tram Took about 15 to 20 minutes. Okay. All right breathe breathe breathe Okay, then we get to the park and the this particular day the line to get tickets took 38 minutes of waiting just to get the ticket. So we've literally been there an hour plus an hour and a half And we're not even in the park yet and the steam but okay And I told her this about me up front. I she said jonathan. She put her hand in my arm. We're gonna get through this. Okay So, uh, I remember it was on november 1st because it was the day after halloween. Okay, and we actually had our first date on halloween Okay, so then we get in the park. Do you know what disneyland is you have to wait on every single major ride? You have to wait wait wait wait wait That's what happened But you know what was fun about waiting we were talking when you're going through the turnstiles and such We were just sharing stories with one another. We were telling each other Things about each other. This was I remember we spent eight hours in lines and probably four minutes on all the collective rides And it was one of the most memorable dates We took a picture with mickey and a uh, and a pumpkin at the end Oh, oh and my phone had died. Oh, you're gonna love this. Okay, so I just remember this my phone battery Somehow died and I couldn't take a picture of us So we asked a woman who was standing there to take a picture of the two of us We gave them our our number and asked them to text the picture I mean talk about memorable into this day. I'm like i'm viscerally feeling it So, yeah, I'm a big proponent of memorable types of dates because those are the ones that stand out And even though she's no longer in my life. I still have fond memories of that Annette writes is dating the variety is dating the variety addictive. Maybe we think we want marriage, but do we get Do but do we get a shift in thinking and lifestyle after dating for a few years? I think dating in and of itself has an addictive quality number one I think dating variety Causes human beings to have what's known as paradox of choice Somebody write this in the chat box or in the in the comment section. I want you to google ted talk Paradox of choice paradox of choice ted talk is a great illustration Of and how that that's not about dating in relationships, but it can be absolutely it can absolutely be applied to Our current dating environment and so yeah, I do believe that there's some elements of that Which makes it very difficult for people to really bond with one another. I'm in full agreement of that All right, thank you for that one. I appreciate it. By the way, come on somebody join the hot cp brave I promise to be nice. I can't promise. Well, I'll promise that uh Volcano says four days a week with someone in the beginning I guess it depends on if you're looking for an eventual line of marriage But most people don't have that much time to spend. Well, that's bullshit If you don't have that time to spare now, what's going to change later on that's going to make you have time for that See, I'm I have a different point of view of this I think we need to spend a lot of time with a person early So we can we can determine misalignment sooner. I think this drip marketing way of dating Which I think our current dating environment is which is I call it just a strung out version of friends with benefits I think the more time you can spend early and as much time early you can fair it out differences Then this again this long drawn out version of really just occasional dating Which is really just a drawn out version of friends with benefits. That's just my opinion not everybody has to agree with me But then again, I'm a I'm a contrarian I'm here to offer a different perspective on things so I I would prefer to see someone on average two three four days and nights a week doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest And by the way, if two people are having physical sex together and they're exploring a relationship You can figure that out within 30 to 60 days Okay, I don't mean on the first date you see someone that much but certainly within a few weeks By the way, every happy couple. I know Spent a lot of time together early in the process every happy couple I know probably fit that narrative the unhappy people are the ones that strung it out and it got miserable So volcano, that's my story and I'm sticking to it Tati says question men are visual creatures with age I feel I'm losing that capacity on my own interest to stir and attract men is this normal and what do I do about it? you know The sad reality is that we age that's a sad reality And and and people can date younger women can date younger men can date younger And I mean people that are in that are physical condition probably less wrinkles that sort of thing We to some degree there is competition out there to some degree Not to the person that genuinely holds their head high If you hold your head high The right man is going to appreciate the way you look The right man is going to appreciate where you're at in your life Okay You may not now the men you may be attracted to may not be attracted to you That's something you have to look at your own choices as well But I would say when you hold your head high The right man is the right man is very attracted to who you are And the wrong man that it's not the right man for you. That's all I love mat con and joy. I do too. I text each other frequently. I'm blessed the irony was I've known mat since I was in my Early 30s, and I've known joy for the last decade and she's a dear sweet friend of mine All right, let's keep going Bump bump, uh Okay, and that says I've heard regarding eating. I heard that cooking for a man is giving white benefits Man, I'm dating through said he will sleep with a woman who cooks for him So there's this old adage. Why give white benefits at girlfriend prices? Look at at midlife. Okay. Let's let's just address something. Okay. Let's just address something Bear with me one second. Um, this is gonna take me a second to draw this out. Okay You know, I don't have time to fill this out, but can you see this pyramid? Okay in this box here represents hookups friends with benefits Situationships casual relationships. That's all in this box that represents the majority of The pyramid. Okay the top is Serious relationships marriage and happy relationships actually happy relationships is probably that part. Okay I'm just being blunt. Okay most everybody finds themselves in this category. Okay now But there's nothing wrong with being in that category. You know what? Maybe you need a friend with benefit instead of a serious relationship Maybe you need something casual. Maybe you need a long distance relationship Maybe you need a situation ship. What's most important? Is do you mean your sovereignty in this space? That's the most important thing. Do you maintain your sovereignty? See if you're expecting this but you're spending time here You will drive yourself crazy In other words, let's just all accept that maybe we live in a dysfunctional world It is so fucking dysfunctional that maybe it's okay to say, you know what? I'm okay with the friends with benefits for a little while. I'm okay with hooking up every once small I'm okay with a casual relationship I'm okay that we don't label this relationship If two grown-ups are aware of where they're at everything you do is absolutely okay Because you know sometimes we just need to be held sometimes we need to feel physical connection Sometimes we just need to go out and have dinner with somebody so long as two people are honest with each other You can do whatever you want That's my suggestion. Anyway, so it's okay to cook for a guy Just if you're expecting something beyond then that's on you Okay, if you if your standard is here, but you never express your standard. That's on you It's not on him Anyways, that's my two cents Suzanne What do you suggest if you want to date but live in a smaller city our nearest bigger city is almost two hours away Well, I think the real question is what do you do if you want a relationship? And do you have the capacity to date within this environment? So just recognize Okay Do you want a relationship? And are you willing to make the necessary requirements? So if you have exhausted every single man in your city if you say that look at jonathan I dated the 1247 men that are eligible in our city I went out with every single one of them and hasn't worked out And I have to go two hours away Then you have to then you have to be prepared for the work To invest in that dynamic you can do whatever you want ladies I'm not here to share that you can't do it Just be prepared to ask yourself. What are you seeking in a relationship? But just make sure you've exhausted the 1247 men in your city God that would be exhausting Your vagina would fall apart. That was just a joke. Oh my god. I offended people Jonathan, what's the youngest age you would date? You know, I have no idea, you know, I've had it's interesting I've had a lot of women in their late 30s absolutely hit on me. I've had and And that's you know 20 plus years from where I'm at So I'm just not Feeling like I would do that. I mean and let me tell you something I've been hit up a lot lately on this younger demographic I am definitely certain I don't want to have children and I don't want to get someone pregnant So I'm usually interested in someone after baby making years. So, um, you know, it's probably Um over 45 is kind of Probably but then and I have to feel like it has to be so aligned that I would consider that You know on a lot of different areas and for me baby making is like, listen, I love my children I can't go through a loss. I can't go through Parenting again. I just don't want to do that and after because of losing my son I just feel like I want to Explore that this is my time to explore the depths of a relationship. I didn't get it in my marriage I didn't get it my other relationships. I really want to have time. So so long as they're not in baby making years That's probably my you know Number but thank you for asking that Who wants to join the hot seat anyone have the bravery to join the hot seat Um Jane spitfire says my niece is dating two men I In in in different states and having fun told both guys one is 80 and one is 55 Your niece she wants only friendship. No marriage at this time. Of course, they do not know each other You know, I'm not I mean everybody is allowed to do what they want. I like being an integrity So if you're if you're kissing multiple people Are you an integrity? That's just if you're an integrity you can do whatever you want Just know that if a person falls for you And they assume that they were only seeing you well, it's a pun. It's okay, it's it's um Incumbent upon the men to say are you dating anyone else? So men need to do the same thing as women do, okay? What I recommend women to do is ask are you dating anyone else? Hey, how about some love to the connor asley scholarship fund give a little donation? I'd really appreciate it even a couple dollars makes a big difference Okay, but lighthouse says to volcano if you need more time and someone just wants to see you one day per week There's a misalignment exactly exactly not everybody has to follow my rules. They're not rules. They're just guidelines Let's keep going here Tatia has a follow-up question as a follow-up to my previous question. Can you elaborate on what you said hold your head high? Ah shoot and I can't remember. What was your question? You know, I honestly I It's kind of like what I was reading in the book the rules early, you know set yourself apart Hold your set high, you know stay in your sovereignty. Own your power. Those are kind of the things I meant by that Hope that answers your question Julie is in the house Twice a month seeing each other and texting every few days is this friends with benefits twice a month seeing each other Sounds like it I mean, are you actually building something together or just hooking up and by the way texting every few days? Yeah, I mean not that, you know Sounds like let's just put to you this way. I bet anything that's the way he views it I doubt he views it as a serious relationship. That's just my perception anyway Sherry wants to let you know once a week is casual Yeah That's casual in my book Ah Okay Do you have any personal questions of me? I'm going to share something personal that happened. Okay, and then I'll wrap up in this video So, um The other day I you know, sometimes I swipe on bumble. It's I'll be candid with you. I'm back on the dating apps part of it is um I'd be lying if I didn't say that the ending with the relationship with marie didn't hurt. Okay while We did a very conscious on coupling. We've remained friendly to each other. I'm just going to say we are friendly to each other Um I really gave my heart and soul to that. We're like, okay, that's an exaggeration. I really I went all in And I was hopeful. So to some degree there was a um um There was a death of a dream and so that hurt Um, and I'm still processing it some of it. I'm I I mean in other words I I'm going to be a little bit more mindful the next time I'm with somebody but I don't want to have walls up I'm just mindful um And like what I do long distance, you know, I mean I'd still consider it if the if the piece of the puzzle right You know, it doesn't have to live in the same city. I'm still open to that So I received a message from a woman. I live in Los Angeles. She lives in san francisco And she wrote me a beautiful opening message who was on bumble And I responded back within like 20 minutes because I saw the message I responded back and oh listen, I was physically attracted to her I read her profile and I'm like box check box check box check box check box check Well, like all these boxes were checked She was a scorpio. I don't know if that's I'm a leo. I don't know if that's a that was a red flag I've heard scorpios have stingers, but I was like, okay, but supposedly they're also amazing in bed, too So I'm like, okay, let's we weigh those stinger to the sexual gratification. Okay An hour goes by I don't hear from her two hours go by I don't hear from her three hours go by five hours go by eight hours go by 24 hours go by I didn't hear from her and I was like really surprised because she wrote me first The first line was good morning. Handsome. I love what you wrote in your profile You seem like a very involved guy. Happy Tuesday And then crickets after that I'd be lying if I didn't say that left a bad taste in my mouth um It just made me sad You know mainly because she you know a couple things a I get it, you know, it isn't real until it's real But she checked off all these cool boxes like I mean and these are personal to me So I'm not going to share what they are um And I was attracted to her photograph. She had really great photographs So this is where a lot of women's profiles have crappy shitty out of focus Sunglass driven photographs. I'm just annoyed by the Crappiness of so many profiles. So then when I see what I like And then they match up with me and they wrote me this sweet message to get crickets So what is this on a spiritual level? You know the right person Is going to resonate with you. It's kind of like what I said in the beginning of this broadcast You know when you when you you're with someone you can't you think about all the time It's because you're resonating at the same frequency maybe Maybe oh, did she look like the picture of the soulmate Kind of that soulmate picture just kind of a little bit a little bit I mean it wasn't that close but little bit um Oh, by the way, I did follow up with a message after 24 hours and still crickets and this was days ago um So Maybe she's talking to somebody else possibly, you know, it has nothing to do with me, but what's disappointing is The way I show up if I'm interested I'm I'm reciprocal Reciprocity is hugely important to me. It's like one of my highest values So when someone I'm interested, you know, like when I like someone I'm going to reciprocate communication and I I'm commensurate in that I'm just merely saying it hurt a little bit. It just stung a little bit And it left a bad taste in my mouth. So like the idea of swiping right now or going back on I'm like I'm not interested like it it's sad because All of these little starts and stops starts and stops starts and stops starts and stops Initiate conversation. Don't hear back all this stuff. It starts to aware wear on um On our emotional well-being starts to wear on our emotional well-being And so I'm just aware that um This is just part of the process and you know what? I'm going to pick myself up by my bootstraps I'm not going to let this bring me down, but I will say this I can understand why many of us feel Disillusion frustrated annoyed with the process because of all these starts and stops I don't think we humans were meant for this type of of We were meant to meet in tribes I think that's ideally how we were meant to meet and this form can create a lot of fatigue and Listen, someone just asked in the post What did you find most captivating about her? You know what? I just her photograph resonated with me Actually, what's interesting and it wasn't about beauty. I mean even though she's attractive It wasn't like she was Jacqueline Smith or Linda Carter anything. I just I felt a resonance with the photograph You know and there's just sometimes we resonate with people. It's something we can't quantify. It's it's not based on beauty It's about based on energy Now obviously it wasn't you know, maybe I was disillusioned certainly I can recognize that But she also checked a lot of boxes. So I was like, oh double whammy I'm attracted and the boxes were checked, you know But she just wasn't meant for me. I get it. She wasn't meant for me But I'm just sharing with you is that um is that This process Can wear on us emotionally. That's all this process of interacting in this format can be rather exhausting at times And yet It still happens to be the number one way people are meeting. It is the predominant way people are meeting today It's the predominant way people are meeting today so And you can listen it gives you Access to people you wouldn't otherwise meet So i'm just aware that i'm just here sharing something personal I'm saying I get it You know power of cheese says I dodged a bullet, you know, I don't look at it that way I don't have to rat. Okay. No disrespect power of a cheat. That's a Rationalization to make myself feel good. I don't need to do that. I feel fine by myself If anything if there's anything I need to work on is The fact that I lost my shirt when I thought face when I thought my facebook book facebook got a Hacked when it was actually they were down. That was a whole nother and emotional Nightmare I went through compared to this little glitch in life, but you know, I don't believe it's dodging a bullet I just think that um I just think that um it was a misalignment and that's okay And that's okay I'm going to take one more question. This will be wrapping up for the evening. Nancy is in the house. When are you When are you when are you are a nine and ten and then there are too many responses? We don't have the hour time to follow up That's a great question for those people Let's for for let's just look at it differently because I don't think it's whether or not you're a Seven six seven eight nine or ten. I think those people that have a lot of different options Have to be more granular So you first you go through the photographs you resonate with Then you read the profiles and then then find the ones who resonate with you and then just work from that spaces You know, I really want to invite those You know to really start to learn to trust their intuition one of the things I do in my private coaching Is to help you enhance your intuition by teaching you a level of discernment So here's a link to a discovery call with me in the link below I'm here to encourage you to follow your intuition To follow your intuition in those cases. So Julie wants to know have you ever tried a matchmaker? Oh, I've had matchmakers set me up I've gone on dozens of dates through matchmakers and um actually I I was in a relationship with a woman for six months that was met through a matchmaker and other than that that hasn't worked out for me Hey folks I'm getting uh ran out of water and I'm getting kind of parched right now. So I think this will be a great place to wrap up Hey, what did you think about this? I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below I do my best to read them all in the first 24 hours If you like this video, please hit that thumbs up. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell And if you want to connect with me the links below and in the first comment You can schedule a discovery call with me. You can join my group called midlife love mastery you can get my dating vows You can follow me on instagram. You can um Uh What there's other things you can get there. Oh get all the books. I recommend they're in the link below Did you find value in this if you did say yes, I found value. Yes, jonathan. I found value in this Uh kim la blanc says it's an addictive serotonin hits white fantasize meat Indeed it is One of my facebook member groups says love that red shirt on you Uh, alana says another great conversation jonathan. Thank you. You're very welcome Uh, let's keep going here. Listen. I want to thank billy halt and power chi and jody and alana and kim and stacey and joney and jane spitfire and kim la blanc and uh Bonnie and val and stacey and maureen and julien and uh, nancy And I thought stephanie. I saw uh was in the house everybody. Thank you so much for the love I really appreciate it. Wishing you a super duper wonderful