 why narcissists confuse you when the narcissist leaves you you may end up feeling sad because you don't remember them as someone who abused you as someone who lied and cheated on you or as someone who stole from you you remember the false character you remember the illusion because you're in a trance you're still under their spell they hide behind this self-righteous character they hide behind a mask when they first targeted you they tricked you you fell for a false character which was everything you wanted them to be they didn't show you who they really are which creates cognitive dissonance it creates two conflicting beliefs because now the narcissist is manipulating you they're insulting you they're putting you down and it makes you wonder which one is the real them so you end up turning against yourself because you don't know what to believe you have these two conflicting beliefs in your mind and you naturally feel determined to resolve it because it contradicts the idea you have of your abilities appearance and personality you may have felt strong and intelligent until you met the narcissist but now you feel weak and stupid it makes you question who you are it makes you question what you're doing with the narcissist you desire to be happy and comfortable you desire to be at peace with yourself but you have these two conflicting beliefs and you don't know which one is true or right so you try to please the narcissist by trying to improve yourself but no matter what you do it never solves anything because it's not your problem to fix you're trying to maintain the impression that you originally had of the narcissist but the narcissist inevitably ends up devaluing you and discarding you just as they do with anyone else they treat you with contempt they become indifferent but you're still holding on to that first impression you had of them when the truth is that what you're seeing now is who they really are they acted charming and charismatic in the beginning but that was just to secure you as their source of supply now you see how they really feel about you and this is how they have always felt about you nothing has changed so it's not your fault they're self-absorbed and they lack empathy they are incapable of experiencing love or intimacy they see you as an object that exists to meet their needs and once they've milked everything out of you they're on to the next person there was no love there was no connection they just fueled your imagination they made you feel very interested in it and excited about it but it was just something that was created by your mind because it wasn't occurring in reality it was an illusion and it's something that you cannot control nothing you do is going to make it better you have to take the red pill you have to escape the matrix by focusing on what you can control rather than focusing on things that are outside of your control by focusing on what you want rather than what you don't want and when you do that it will put you on the right path you will be headed in the right direction thank you for watching I hope this video resonates with you please like comment share and subscribe if you would like to donate my PayPal link is in the video description coaching queries you can email me at coaching at narksurvivor.co.uk thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon