 From DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com, I'm Darren Marlar and this is your Daily Dose of Weird News. Before we dive into the weirdness, I want to congratulate Adriel Railton, she's last month's winner from the Marlar Sheet giveaway. Adriel will be receiving a Weird Darkness t-shirt and a coffee mug. This month I'm giving away a Daily Dose of Weird News t-shirt and coffee mug, so everybody who signs up for my newsletter, the Marlar Sheet is automatically registered to win, and you can sign up now at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. Is there a smell that we can all agree is just horrible? Yes, a British survey found the smell of a wet dog is something we can do without. Wet dog beat out cheesy socks as the top stink. Worst smell of all, though, was wet dog wearing cheesy socks. Now, TV is reconsidering a reboot of All In The Family and The Jepressons. How is this possible with the snowflakes that are living in this country right now? They're offended by everything and they immediately pick it when their feelings are hurt. The Jepressons and All In The Family are two of the most racist shows ever to be on American television. Are you going to remove all the offensive stuff? You can't. If you take away everything that would be considered offensive in today's world from these shows, all you would have left are the opening theme songs and then the ending credits. You've heard about Nordstrom's $425 pre-muddied jeans, right? Well, Reebok is poking fun at it with its $425 pre-sweat-stained sweatshirt. You don't even want to know what Pampers is now selling. You can fawn over your dog all you want to, but legally speaking, a Canadian judge says your dog is not your child. That ruling came as part of a pet custody battle in a divorce case, and the wife wants the couple's two dogs, Kenya and Willow, to live with her, with visitation privileges for her ex. The husband, described by the wife as a cat person, disagrees. So the matter ended up in the courtroom of Judge Richard Danuluk, who was outraged at the couple for wasting scarce judicial resources. During this decision, he wrote that where Kenya and Willow should live would be like arbitrating the family butter knives. Am I to make an order that the other party have limited access to those knives for 1.5 hours per week to butter his or her toast? Dogs are wonderful creatures, he writes, but after all is said and done, a dog is a dog. But for now, the dogs are staying with the wife's parents. In a Solomon-like move, Danuluk warns that failing to settle the matter could result in the dogs being sold and the proceeds split. You know, maybe the dog can file for emancipation and be rid of these two jerks. A burglar was caught on camera breaking into a Long Island salad shop, eating nearly a dozen bananas and passing out on the floor. The robber dropped his driver's license before stumbling out of the sexy salad at around 1.45 in the morning. I know you're not supposed to assume, but I'm guessing there might be a very slight chance with the story that alcohol may have been involved. Just a guess. The Sun reports Americans spend a whopping six hours a day gossiping. That's the findings of an independent national poll from all 50 states about the time they spend dishing dirt. Not surprisingly, women gossip more than men, logging in six and a half hours daily talking to friends about subjects from their husbands to celebrities to other friends, but men aren't exactly silent. The guys put in an average of five and a half hours. Their subjects were most likely to be their bosses, coworkers, and sports figures. The Sun is reporting this, though. Is it the Sonic Gossip Magazine? A new study out says that teens who use smartphones and tablets at least five hours a day increase their chances of obesity by 43%. Apparently all those food picks really pack on the pounds. A recent study indicates that America is facing a critical shortage on clowns. The report found that membership at the country's largest trade organizations for the jokesters has plunged over the past decade. Officials say membership in other clown organizations has also plummeted. How is this distressing news, though? I would think a world with fewer clowns would be much less distressing. But then my first clown experience was from Stephen King, so... A NASA scientist is warning that the Earth is woefully unprepared for a surprise comet or asteroid strike. Well, of course we're not prepared. You just said it's a surprise! Johnny Depp made a surprise appearance at Disneyland this week, heading to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, a Depp-surprised guest as they rode by in their boats. It kind of backfired though, because some parents kept saying, �Hey, look kids! It's Katelyn Jenner!� Kim Kardashian is now on a Mexican vacation. And I repeat my often asked question, �Vacation from what?� A 12-year-old boy attempting to drive across Australia by himself drove more than 800 miles before police caught up with him. Apparently it takes a long time for Australian parents to realize that their kids are missing or their cars have been stolen. A woman gave birth to a baby while visiting a zoo in Nebraska. Ironically, the giraffes were watching her. In Bath Township, Ohio, 20-year-old Joseph Murphy called 911 and said that he needed a police dog. Well, when the dispatcher asked why, Murphy said, �She stole heroin from me!� So yeah, the police showed up and body cameras show officers questioning Murphy. On the video, Murphy can be heard explaining that a woman stole money from him, but the officers wanted to know about the heroin that he mentioned on the emergency call. A short time later, officers were surprised when Murphy pulled a brown, waxy substance from his pants. We'll let you guess what that was. Police seized the substance and a felony drug possession charge is expected after test results are returned from Ohio Bureau of Criminal Investigation. Incidentally, Murphy was also arrested for DUI after crashing a Mercedes with a blood alcohol level at 0.121. Murphy also made national headlines on New Year�s Day, accused of urinating on a Florida troopers leg during a disorderly conduct arrest on a Disney property. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions? The Turkish government has decided to block Wikipedia. So there are now millions of Turkish citizens walking around trying to remember the name of that actress in the breakfast club. What was her name again? In Goodyear, Arizona, 49-year-old Daryl Ingram was charged with child abuse because police say he used a stun gun on his son multiple times. Why? The 11-year-old boy didn't do his homework. Yeah, I'm thinking there might be better ways to motivate your kid to do his homework. The Pittsburgh Pirates have cut the league's first Lithuanian player and replaced him with the first African. And the shouts of racism begin in 3, 2, 1. In a Silicon Valley parking lot, 41-year-old Jason Sylvain tackled a security robot, allegedly drunk at the time. Him that is, not the robot. Mountain View Police Department spokesperson Katie Nelson said an employee for Nightscope detained Sylvain before officers got to the scene. The spokesperson added, when we arrived, we met with Sylvain and, as we were speaking with him, he appeared confused, had red, glassy eyes and a strong odor of alcohol emitted from him. Locals weren't apparently eager to defend a fellow human for standing up to our robot overlords. Mountain View resident Eamon Callan said, I think this is a pretty pathetic incident. It shows how spineless the drunk guys in Silicon Valley really are because they attack a victim who doesn't even have any arms. Getting sloppy drunk and tackling robots is no way to go through life, son. Cashmere has shut down all social networks for a month. That might work in Cashmere, but in this country it is a sure-fire way to get people to finally leave the house and begin looting. Martha Stewart has opened up an internet wine business. Apparently she came up with the perfect recipe using the toilet while in prison. In an interview with Reuters on his first 100 days in office, President Trump says he misses driving, feels as if he is in a cocoon and is surprised at how hard the job is. Surprised at how hard his job is? We are in big trouble, people. Apparently many Americans experience supreme difficulty deciding between Applebee's or iHop. Fortunately, Detroit has a solution. The first-ever combination iHop-slash-Applebee's-restaurant is opening later this year. Alright, so what do we call this? AppleHop? No, no, no. Even better, iHopblebee's. Research shows people who swear more have bigger vocabularies than those who opt for an expletive free life. In fact, those who were more confident using swear words were also more articulate in other areas of language use. And ironically, their expanded vocabulary only included words with four letters. The Barler House store has just been updated. You can find t-shirts, mugs, phone cases, tumblers, audiobooks and more all on one page. Check it out at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. When you take Tylenol, the main ingredient is acetaminophen, and it does more than relieve your pain. The popular medication also reduces your empathy. That's how much you're able to understand the physical and social pain and suffering that others feel. Not that I give a care. Brad Pitt says he has been alcohol-free for six months now. Am I wrong to interpret that as requiring lots of alcohol to stay married to Angelina Jolie? Doctors have always assumed that both human ears were basically the same, but a UCLA study of babies may change a lot of assumptions about the way the brain works because it found that the right ear is better at picking up speech-like sounds while the left ear is better at processing music. So if one ear is for talking and the other is for music, what ear does rap go into? In Australia, family managed to save the life of a lizard they found at the bottom of their pool by performing CPR on it. As a thank you, the lizard is saving them 15% or more on car insurance. If you signed up for the Marlar Sheet, it's free and everybody who subscribes is automatically entered into monthly drawings for prizes. For May 2017, I'm giving away a Daily Dose of Weird News T-shirt and mug combo, and you can sign up for the Marlar Sheet free at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. American Airlines is planning to decrease the front-to-back space between some of its economy class seats by another two inches. Okay, won't that make it much more of a tight squeeze when you pummel somebody with a baby stroller and drag them off the plane? A woman in Georgia walked into her apartment's bathroom and found a python slithering up the wall. Gwendolyn Howard says she called the apartment complex for help. They told her to file a work order. What? This isn't a leaky faucet. I have a python climbing up the wall! Twitter lit up with support for the Minnesota teen that didn't have a date for the prom, so she took her acceptance letter to Harvard as her date. I wish these supportive people had been around when I went to my prom with my copy of The Hobbit. Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Veracuse, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York. The people of Mexico who were crazy about the stuff were eagerly awaiting delivery and were almost inconsolable at the loss of the mayonnaise. So much so, in fact, they declared a national day of mourning, which they still observe today. It's known, of course, as Cinco de Mayo. Okay, that's not actual news, but hey, it's a comedy show. How about a TV comeback for the show Roseanne? Roseanne Parr, John Goodman and Sarah Gilbert have all signed on for an eight-episode reunion series. If you're wondering about the other daughter, Becky, well, it doesn't really matter. We know that role is interchangeable with any blonde actress anyway. President Trump said that he's open to meeting with North Korea's leader Kim Jong-un. Trump says of the potential meeting, I would be honored to do it. Trump and Kim will gleefully exclaim at the same time, Dude, where did you get that great haircut? A woman is suing Qatar Airlines for spilling coffee on her during a January flight. Upon hearing her threat while still on the plane, Qatar Airlines went all united on her and dragged her out of the plane after hitting her with a baby stroller. Federal agents just seized 300 pounds of yak meat that was illegally smuggled into JFK airport. I'm imagining there's not a lot of yak meat smugglers on LinkedIn. The hacker claims to have stolen the newest season of Netflix's hit, Orange is the New Black. The hacker is demanding Netflix pay a ransom or else. Good luck with that, pal. I'm going to assume the folks at Netflix are smart enough to back up their shows on an external hard drive. A 92-year-old Canadian man says the secret to staying young is going to raves. Then again, he might have said not going to graves. You know what? He was mumbling. It was hard to tell. In Japan, a 24-carat solid gold Darth Vader mask is going on the auction block. It could go for as much as $1.4 million. They're hoping to raise enough money to help the Empire rebuild the Death Star. Again. A report says more animals died on United Airlines flights in 2016 than any other airline. On the plus side, it does make them easier to drag off. After a year-long search, Kelly Rippa has finally chosen her co-host, Ryan Seacrest. Way to go, Kelly. You have somehow found a way to hire someone even more past their relevancy than you. A groom in China could not convince his parents and friends that his bride-to-be was the right woman for him, so when they all refused to come to the wedding, the groom hired 200 fake guests to fill his side of the ceremony venue. Even worse, all the wedding gifts they gave were cheap knockoffs. The world's oldest man, who claimed to be 146 years old, has died in Indonesia. Sadly, just when he was finally able to afford retirement. A former FBI translator working in Detroit secretly flew to Syria three years ago when she married an Islamic State terrorist leader that she was supposed to be investigating. The bride and groom promised to love, honor, and cherish each other until suicide-bombing death do them part. The Trump administration is planning to roll back nutrition standards for school meals. In fact, Twinkies will now count as a vegetable. Morgan Joyce Varn is a 24-year-old mother in North Carolina and her mugshot just went viral thanks to her choice of tattoos. It's not the little heart on her left cheek or the floral decoration around her neck or even the writing above her left eyebrow or whatever that's going on with her forehead that have people so stunned. Nope, it's more the fact that her eyeballs have been tattooed. Varn was taken into custody along with Jonathan Mikhail Robinson on charges of kidnapping, armed robbery, and property damage. It's alleged that she mugged a man taking his mobile phone and money before inviting him into her home. Oh yeah, and did we mention that she lets someone stick needles in her eyes? Austria is trying to figure out a way to tax Google searches. No, that's not a joke. Austria is trying to figure out a way to tax Google searches. Are we getting a little over-terrorist paranoid in America? Obviously, we always want to err on the side of caution, but Colgate University went on lockdown and students were ordered to remain in place for four hours Monday night while police investigated reports of a gunman on the upstate New York campus. There was a guy with a gun, alright, but it was a student using a glue gun for an art project. What do you expect from a university named after toothpaste? ABC is going to bring back the gong show with Mike Myers hosting. Okay, if he says shawing or groovy baby even once, I'm going to gong him and change the channel. A robotic drill could be the future of surgery and could help cut the time of a routine brain operation from two hours to two and a half minutes. Developers believe the computer-driven tool, which works like Google Maps, could play a pivotal role in future surgical procedures. Because this is exactly what we want, complex life and death brain surgery done as fast as possible. I've got a tea time in 15 minutes, so let's do this! Police in California were forced to taser a man who got into a heated argument with his wife. The argument began when the man failed to notice that she had her hair done. As a husband, let me say that would do it. The study says it is more energizing to walk stairs than drink caffeine. See that's why I double down and only go to Starbucks on the second floor. A former Russian Defense Minister spokesperson says the Russians have been secretly planting nuclear bombs off America's coast so that they can be detonated, causing huge tidal waves that will destroy American cities. Wait a minute, is this a news report or is this a leaked premise for the next 007 movie? A New Jersey florist was arrested for stealing flowers from a cemetery. She claimed that she was simply tidying up the cemetery. Which is why she was wearing her usual nighttime gardening ski mask. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up and be sure to subscribe if you want to see more. And click that little bell next to the subscribe button to be notified when I post new videos. And if you're already an official Weirdo, please share this video with your friends. Also, be sure to sign up for the Marlar Sheet if you're not already signed up. Everybody who has registered is automatically entered to win a monthly prize drawing and for May of 2017 I'm giving away a Daily Dose of Weird News T-Shirt and Mug Combo. You can sign up for the Marlar Sheet newsletter, free at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. For more weird news anytime, visit DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. I'm Darren Marlar and I'll see you next time, Weirdos.