 Morbius finally hits theaters after a lengthy delay, but was it worth the hype? No one had going in? No, no, it wasn't. It's a bad movie! Let's talk about it. Venom, Venom 2, Let There Be Garbage, and Morbyshit are all part of the MCU kind of. They're all part of the Sony MCU, the Smikyu, and they've done a bang-up job of having a consistent tone to these films. Ugly, uninspired, Emotionless, and a feeling of coming out around the same time as Daredevil and Ghost Rider and Jonah Hex. And no Daredevil fans, I don't want to hear about the director's cut because I will respond to you like I always do. Does it still feature a cringey playground fight scene? And that's where the conversation ends. Morbius is one of those magical movies that the further into the plot it gets, the dumber you feel as an individual. I already told you it's bad. I put the crap before the toilet as the expression goes, so you can choose whether or not to stay and listen to some spoilery stuff, or you can walk away, go see how bad it is for yourself, come back, and we can revel in it together. The film revolves around Jared Leto's Michael Morbius. He's actually fine in this movie. Jared isn't bad here. He's just serviceably going through the scenes. He's certainly not interesting in the slightest. If you go on the Morbius IMDB page, the second person listed is Michael Keaton. I heard ahead of time that Sony and the director of this film already leaked out the ending, the little the little tease that you get in the credits, but man, to just go ahead and splash Adrian Toomes right on the IMDB page, front and center, hilarious. They just don't give a shit about these movies. I'm gonna give you a warning ahead of time if you do plan on wasting money to see this in theaters. If you have a illness or you get sick from things that are just mecha cringe, don't wait around for this ending with Toomes. It could honestly kill you with the amount of cringe that's on display. First off, they do the tear in the sky from No Way Home. I seriously thought it was from Into the Spider-Verse. There was a large part of me that thought, oh my god, is Miles Morales the animated version gonna show up in this movie? Because it looks so bad. It looks so thrown together at the last possible minute. And Michael Keaton just shows up in a prison cell loving it. No worries, no concerns. He's like, hey, I could I could get used to this. What are you talking about? What are you used to? You're in another prison in a foreign place. How could you possibly be enjoying that? And then there's the second one where Morbius, this is even worse by the way, he drives out at 2.30 in the morning, something like that in the middle of nowhere and meets Raven, Captain Falcon, Raven, Simone. I don't remember the character's name even. Some sort of bird. Vulture. He's, well, I got there on my own. Vulture, he's there and Morbius is like, hey, let's team up in a future film. And I was waiting for Venom, but no Venom. They couldn't even get Venom in this. Just just so embarrassing. And then I will do you the service, even though you're gonna be doing yourself a disservice if you go see this film of telling you there is nothing at the way end. I waited for you. The film is an hour and 45 minutes long and it feels padded as all hell. It also feels like it's two and a half hours long because when you're watching something that elicits no feeling, when it sparks no interest outside of, man, how bad can this get? You're left there with your own thoughts. And it's uh, it can get frightening. You can go to a dark place. And I did. I went there several times. When I say padded, I mean this. Every single movie ever shot has stuff that's left on the cutting room floor. I truly believe this doesn't. I think they took every scrap that they had and threw it in to get to an hour 45 because there are scenes so implausibly dumb, so out of left field that I can't help but wonder, what were you thinking? How many times did you revise the script during the movie? And did you just shoot everything hoping that a script would come along that made sense of it all and then just threw it in? Because that I think that's exactly what happened. The villain is the classic carbon copy of the hero. The Iron Man 1 playbook. The Ant-Man 1 playbook. The Black Panther playbook. I can go on and on. There's a ridiculous amount of them. It's just another lazy example of the villain showing up later with the same abilities, and yet he picked them up instantaneously unlike the hero. He just knows how to do everything right out of the gates. He's better at it than the main hero until of course the final moments. But along this journey we're on with Matt Smith, who plays the character Milo. We get to see him awkwardly dance in front of a mirror, which leads to nothing. He then goes to a bar and tries to hit on a girl, but some bullies pick on him and he's like, I'll get you guys later, and he does, and we don't see it, but that had to happen. Because reasons. We had already established, thanks to other scenes, that Milo's a bad guy and enjoys it. He straight-up says it multiple times. So what was the point of the five minutes here? I don't think there was one other than to just pad the movie out a tiny bit more and make it seem like Sony gives even the tiniest minuscule shit about this film. They don't. And if you weren't yet sick of the bully trope in films, we got like two or three sets of them here. And one set is like 15-year-olds at a prep school beating the crap out of crippled kids. Amazing stuff. Definitely believable. We learn early on that Michael's a very gifted kid. Mentally, physically, he's a train wreck. He has a disease that has no cure, so he makes it his purpose to become Dr. Strange and find a cure. The premise is compelling enough. I'm on board, show me what you got Morbius. What takes place after? Or I should say before because we start with the flash forward is him on a incredibly CG island location looking into a cave. He cuts his hand revealing blood, puts it up to a bat contraption, and this attracts all the vampire bats out to the blood. I know very little about science or animals, but I remember seeing a documentary on vampire bats and that's not how any of this works. They don't smell the blood from a mile away in the cave and instantly go on the attack. They actually go out at night and feed on sleeping cows for the most part, and they just take like a little nibble. That's all they need. Anyway, science aside, who cares about science? This is just setting the stage for the implausible situations that are gonna come up and I can't look past them in this instance because this movie has nothing else to offer me from a visual standpoint or a compelling character standpoint. There's no one funny in this. There's no one charming. There's no one intriguing. The story is dumb as shit so I have to sit and look at the minutiae or even things on face value that don't make any sense. Michael is a world-renowned doctor. He cured a bunch of stuff. When he eventually comes up with this bat cure that actually ends up being a curse, he does so with a love interest companion on a ship out at sea. Michael knows a lot of shady people. He does a lot of things off the book, so he's not your typical goody-two-shoes guy. He's a he's an anti-hero or whatever crappy spin they want to put on this. I'm sure he's a villain in the comics, but since Sony doesn't really own the rights to shit outside of Spider-Man villains, they have to twist them. You know, they have to make them seem like good guys now. Anyway, he's administered the cure, which then turns him into a really bad version of Blade. He jumps on the wall. He starts skulking around the place taking out these mercenaries that are on the ship and female doctor. I don't remember her name. I think it's Martine. She gets pushed by one of these dudes and she's like and falls down to the ground. It's revealed later that she actually hit her head really hard and is in a coma for a few days. What?! That was the tamest shove I've ever seen, but they had to have a convenient way to get rid of her for a little bit of time so that Morbius can go through his changes, which he does in the privacy of the hospital that I guess no one works at. There's no security, no other people on staff that check on him. And I have a hard time understanding the time frame this took because he's constantly checking out his watch. I mean, we're talking 12 times in this movie. He looks down and resets the watch and he gives us play-by-plays of, okay, it's six hours. Now it's four hours that I need to feed on blood or I turn back into my normal self. But then towards the end of the movie, he says something like, yeah, it's been quite a week, implying that it's only been a few days. Nothing adds up at all. There's two detectives in the film. Tyrese from Fast and the Furious is one of them. I don't know the other guy from anywhere, but he, uh, he's supposed to be the comic relief. Zero laughs. Nothing funny. I don't know what their purpose is either. They just kind of go from scene to scene after the fact and then nothing. They don't accomplish a single thing. Why are they here? Why are we wasting time on characters that don't do jack shit? Although I will give Tyrese credit. He is a very fast individual because there's a scene in the hospital where Morbius is on the run. One cop in particular, not even phased by this dude. Morbius jumps like 20 stories into the air off of the sides of the building indoors, mind you, while this cop doesn't hesitate to fire. Just shooting, shooting around in the windows that potentially have little kids suffering from a debilitating disease. It's so stupid. But man, this cop. Just zero hesitation. No qualms about the fact that this guy is a man beast that just flew into the air. No reaction at all. But back to Tyrese. So Jared jumps on top of the roof, starts running, throws his bag down. I have no idea why he does that. I mean, maybe it was explained. It doesn't matter. He keeps running, and then suddenly a CG gust of wind starts to trail him backwards. He's like, what's going on? And within a matter of seconds, Tyrese is up there with the gun, hard cut to Morbius in a prison cell. In the previous scene, we established a Morbius can dodge bullets like Neo. He's jumping around. He goes into slow motion. There is a lot of slow-mo speed up in this, and let me tell you something. I'm a big fan of this technique. And it was the only time in this movie when I could understand what was happening. So I completely understand why they were doing it. I've never seen so much shit CG splatted onto the screen. There were moments where seriously nothing could be witnessed. You know what it was like? It was the equivalent of watching a Looney Tunes show, where the characters go into that fight cloud, that puff of smoke where the box and the zoinks are coming out, except for its CG shit. Just... I'm in this still. Why Jared is in prison. Milo infiltrates it by just walking in and saying he's his lawyer. He gets to go into the prison cell with him, sit down, have a chat, while one security guard, inept, of course inept, is just looking in at them. I don't know if that's how prisons work. I'm pretty sure you don't get to walk through the prison and go sit in the dude's cell. Usually there's a meeting destination with cameras everywhere, but who knows? This prison might run differently. We are in a multi-verse situation after all, right? Uh no, it's just dumb. And of course what happens is he not only slips Morbius a cane to fight with, but also a nice little sack of blood to drink from. Is that nice of him? He does all this of course with a security guard not knowing. These movies are so hard to talk about because there's so many dumb moments. I feel bad that I'm gonna miss one key one and I'll kick myself forever about it. Okay, here's another one. Morbius is having a nice little meal with his girlfriend to be at some point. It's so forced and out of the blue, by the way, when they kiss, when he just grabs her and kisses her. I don't even know. No emotion, no sparks, whatever. They're having a nice cup of coffee and two guys come in conveniently at this point and use some of the fakest monopoly money as $100 bills I've ever seen. The register lady goes to check them, which I guess she's blind because if she could see she would know that those were fake. They looked fake as all hell. She does the marker trick, which I think doesn't work the way that she did it, but who cares? And she's like, I can't take this. It's fake. And the guy's like, well, how about two more fake $100 bills? And then she's like, well, yeah, okay, now, now this is too good to be true. Morbius uses his Echo the Dolphin location and tracks these two fools. We then get some of the most brilliant editing ever achieved in cinema, rivaling that of Zack Snyder's masterpiece BVS in the dream sequence where Bruce Wayne wakes up and it's a futuristic hellscape. And then we jump cut to flash in a portal and then we jump cut again to him sleeping at his desk. In Morbius though, he follows these guys outside and then the next shot is him following two other people entirely as they head into a building and leave behind casually a bunch of blood bags. He takes a few because they're like gogurt to him. He has to have some on the go. The script is so preoccupied with making sure the audience knows that both the villain and the good guy are constantly getting their fill of blood. They did bother thinking about anything else at all. Like for instance, this next scene where Morbius is now back on the scent of the two guys he was originally following, the counterfeit dudes, they work out of an abandoned mall in New York and there's no security at all. Just a little gate or some yellow tape. There's yellow tape all over this film. Caution tape's everywhere. 90% of New York is caution tape. He walks in, beats up one of the guys by breaking his hand in a few spots. The others just run away. Really lame scene. But the entire purpose of this wasn't to break up these bad guys. It was to use their printing machine which he can now transform and reconfigure into some high tech industrial hospital equipment where he uses his vats of blood to spin around. I don't know what the thing's called. Okay? I'm not as smart as Morbius. But I'm pretty sure these two machines aren't interchangeable. It's not just like a one button or two button switch and it goes, I'm now a vending machine. I'm now an Xbox One. I'm a good movie. Nope. That's the one thing he can't make. I mean, we all know there's no cops in all of New York, so it's very easy for him to just set up shop right there in the mall, turn it into his own personal Chuck E Cheese hospital edition. We find ourselves ending with the bat boys squaring off down in the sewers, getting dirty, getting grimy in the muck, barely throwing a punch. Morbius gets his butt kicked most of the time which reminds me the girlfriend does kind of die but comes back as another vampiric creature. I don't know how. I don't, I also don't care at all. But she lets him like feed from her and that gives him blade two abilities because towards the end of blade two the same plot point happens. Here it's really bad. He goes down to the sewers and he calls on the bats that live in the sewer system. They come flying over, thousands of them, just a corticopia of bats fluttering around. You can't see anything going on aside from the occasional poofs emotion. And then it leads to my favorite, my absolute favorite part and possibly all of cinema. Jared Leto pulls back a bunch of bats into a ball form and does what I can only describe as a Hadouken. Hadouken! Throws the bats at the villa. It's like they're broke. It's all yolk and then he keeps throwing these bats at him. He's bat bending. He's a goddamn avatar now. A batatar. Subscribe. So Morbius has to kill Doctor Who. I'd say it's a sad scene. Well it is a sad scene but not for the reasons the film wants it to be. It's a sad scene because the movie's ugly. The action's there. Acting is... again it's there. The script is dumb as a box of rocks. Whole thing is a complete waste of time. Don't watch this film. We then go to a purple Morbius logo that changed from the beginning logo which I believe was red. Seem more appropriate. It seriously turns into Thor Ragnarok at the end. There's like a kaleidoscope effect going on. Like that little toy kids used to have. Those really just garbage where you move stencils stuff around and make a bad picture. Everybody made the same garbage. It was terrible. That's the end of the film and then we get those credit scenes that I talked about and you wish that your life was over. Well that's Morbius. A film that I think fits in just perfectly with the rest of the SMCU pictures. Let me know if you had a chance to get out and see it. I'm really eager to hear your thoughts on this. If you liked the video go ahead and hit the like button and maybe think about subscribing. I do a ton of movie reviews, rants, reactions, things of that nature all the time here and you can even hit that notification bell so they show up right in your feed and don't miss an episode and hopefully I'll see you next time. And seriously if you're younger and you're looking for a cool vampire movie just watch Blade 1 and 2. Not 3. Don't. Don't watch 3. I know it's got Ryan Reynolds. It's just not worth it. It's bad. But the first two are badass. Also unrelated but very appreciated would be if you join me on Patreon at patreon.com slash adamdoesmovies or right here on YouTube via that join button. I give you extra videos every month that no one else sees. You get badges, little icons, things like that and you're just helping me grow this channel as a one-man operation and I'd be extra grateful for you if you did.