 I took a couple of minutes the other day and went through and tried to find some of the weirdest fanfics I could find, okay? Wattpad is a lawless place full of scum and villainy. I honestly don't really like to spend more than like 30 seconds on here at a time, if I can. Because some of the stuff on here really just messes me up to see the kind of stuff that people write about. But today we're saying screw it, we're gonna go through and we're gonna find some of the weirdest stuff people have written about on this website. Because some of you, some of you need to calm it down. Only thing that's gonna get me through this is a sparkling water, baby. Okay, the first one I found is called John Cena and Bill Nye Love. It's been viewed 18,000 times and you know it is canon, except canon is capitalized like it's the brand of camera. I know most of these are probably just like jokes and people, you know, made these to be funny. The thing that bothers me about Wattpad and maybe this is just my age showing, but it's really hard to tell sometimes when people are joking. I'm almost positive this one's a joke, but it's still funny to read them honestly. I'm still gonna read it and I'm gonna make fun of it like it is real because you can't prove it's not. But first this video is sponsored by Native Deodorant. I was already a big fan of Native Deodorant before they reached out to sponsor this video, so my first reaction when they asked if they could sponsor a video was like, yeah, as long as you send me more deodorant and they did, so thank you, Native. In case you haven't heard of them before, Native Deodorant is aluminum-free, it's paraben-free, it's vegan and cruelty-free deodorant. Native Deodorant applies great, it's not sticky, it dries really quickly. They've got some really great scents, this one is charcoal, I think this one's my favorite. 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I feel like you could not pick two people that I would like to see become romantic with each other less. Between John Cena and Bill Nye? Dudes have probably never even met. I don't understand how you could ship such random people. All right, the first chapter is called Teach Me How To Wrestle. John Cena walked over to Bill Nye's house. He could drive, of course, but lately he wasn't feeling well. Thank you for clarifying that John Cena does know how to drive. This person's very careful not to slander John Cena right before talking about how he's probably gonna have sex with Bill Nye. He's like, okay, let me get the record straight though, this dude does know how to drive, and he could if he wanted to. Is this comments on this particular part? Okay, I didn't know there was this feature. You can comment on every specific paragraph. Here we go again. This is the beginning of the story, dude. Oh, John Cena's going over to Bill Nye's house. Oh brother, this ought to be good. We know how this ends, do we? Why is this on my recommended kind of suss I'll read anyway? You do kind of gotta be in a weird corner of Wattpad for this to show up on your recommended, right? It's not like you're reading, like, what's a normal thing to read about on Wattpad? It's not like you're reading Harry Potter fanfics, and this shows up, right? Bill was so perfect, his skin stayed scientifically ageless with each year. All the facts he spoke, it honestly turned John on. Thank you for being honest, I appreciate that. I can't lie to you guys, John was horny as hell. He was going to have what he wanted. He is John Cena after all, that's right. Let's see what people have to say about that part. Okay then. Anyone know what John Cena looks like? I've never seen him. But this is the same guy that commented before about how did this end up in my recommended. He's reading the story and he's like, I don't know who John Cena is, even though there's a picture of him right here. But I'm invested in the story. John opened the door and stepped inside Bill's house. John Cena is here! He's screamed, making sure Bill can hear. Scientifically, I suppose so, Bill says. I love that everything Bill Nye does is scientific. He supposes so scientifically, his skin stayed scientifically ageless. I can't wait until they start scientifically making out. John was going to take what was his. I forgot my swag hat last time I was here. Sure, that was his, but that wasn't really what he wanted. Bill raised an eyebrow as he reaches in a shell, taking the hat out and handing it to John. The atmosphere suddenly changed. Oh shit, pollution. That's so fucked up. It wasn't innocent anymore. It wasn't swaggy anymore. I don't think it was ever innocent. It's just he showed up screaming. I don't really think you can say it was innocent. He showed up with blood vessels popping out of his head. I'm here! Just an innocent little boy, I'm here. John looked into the hat, there was a condom in it. Sort of a swag hat within a swag hat when you think about it. Let's see if anybody else made that joke. There's a hundred comments about this one line. Oh, little plot twist. Seems like they got some people surprised. I love how it invested people are in the plot. That crazy old saggy swaggy scientist knew he'd come back. Oh, oh, oh, oh, so that just happened. Bill winked, suddenly John's right muscles made him want to do some biology. His right muscles? Is that like all the muscles on the right side of his body or like the correct muscle? Teach me how to wrestle, Bill said. So the last spoken thing was, I forgot my hat last time I was here. So in complete silence, Bill goes and gets his hat, gives it to John, they look inside, it's a condom, Bill looks up and says, teach me how to wrestle. Now, later they made love to John Cena's theme song on repeat. Later, what happened right after this? Teach me how to wrestle. And then they wrestled for a while that, oh, you thought that was gonna lead to them making love? No, dude, they did a lot of other stuff. Later on, they did have sex though. Yep, they did. Not related to anything that we talked about though. It was a different thing. Okay, next part, biology. Bill hadn't seen John Cena in what seemed like a million light years. What kind of fanfic is this? They just skipped over all the juicy stuff, I guess. Now it's far in the future. Also, light years is a measure of distance. It's the distance that light travels in a year. Not a measure of time, so. That's like saying, Bill hadn't seen John in what seemed like, shit, 10 meters. He missed his shouting in his theme song. Oh, how they made love to that theme song on repeat. He still remembered that day. So the things he misses about John is his shouting in his theme song. It's funny, it seems like the person who wrote this doesn't seem to know that much about Bill Nye or John Cena. They just know that like, Bill Nye's a science guy. Everything he does is scientific. And John Cena wrestles, yells, and has a theme song. And Bill Nye has a theme song too. And they haven't mentioned that at all. Give Bill a little credit here. He also has a theme song. John was going to visit him that day. He got a text informing him. And it looks like a very informational text indeed. Get ready to see John Cena's dig. Glad they're starting things off innocent, as usual. John was always so forward. Bill loved it. Bill heard his doorbell ring a familiar sound. Get a ringing of a doorbell, that should be pretty familiar. As he heard John screaming into the house, Bill was surprised his neighbors hadn't called the cop. John almost ran up and embraced Bill. Ready for this swaggy dick? Jesus Christ, man. Am I gonna have to edit this whole thing out? Am I gonna have to bleep this? I'm gonna have to review YouTube's monetization policy. Okay, let's see the comments. No comment. I'm gonna tell my crush this. Ready for this swaggy dick? You're gonna tell that to your crush. You know it would be a crazier pickup line? Get ready to see John Cena's dick. Hey baby, thanks for that tasteful nude you just sent me. Now get ready to see John Cena's dick. He's like, what? Wait, whoa, what? And then you send a picture of nothing because you can't see John Cena. One minute and we can do some biology. Bill said as he walked over to the stereo and played John Cena's theme song. Okay, this chapter's like a carbon copy of the first chapter. John Cena bursts in loudly. They talk and then they make love to the theme song on repeat. They made love to the theme song on repeat for a second time. Is the next one gonna be the exact same thing? To be continued. Bro, that was the end. It's just two chapters of the exact same thing happening twice. I feel so cheated right now. Last updated in 2016, this is a tragedy. Shoddy, it's been six years. Shoddy, please come back. I have to know what happens next. I have a couple of pretty good educated guesses but I'd really like to know for sure. All right, shit, well, I guess that was that whole story. You know what? I feel like we're just gonna end it there. That was a little bit too much. All right, well, thanks for watching guys. Keep it real, stay safe and most importantly, keep it real. I'll see you guys next time.