 The Jack Benny program Quality of product is essential to continuing success and lucky strike means fine tobacco, right? You are yes, sir LSMFT LSMFT LSMFT lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw sure thing Lucky strike means fine tobacco Independent tobacco experts auctioneers buyers and warehousemen present at the auctions can see the makers of lucky strike Consistently select and buy the finer the lighter the naturally milder lucky strike tobacco this fine lucky strike tobacco gives you real Deep down smoking enjoyment so smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw 49 so American Springston Phil Harris Rochester Larry Stephenson yours truly Don Wilson Benny left home for the studio Rochester was driving him and on the way they had a little tire trouble, so let's go back and find out what happened How how much longer before you'll have the spare on Rochester just a couple of minutes couple of minutes Would have been fixed long ago if I'd have done it myself Hand me the wrench with your boss the wrench here. That's the screwdriver. Oh Oh the wrench here. That's the pump. Oh Here that's the hubcap. Oh, you want the wrench the wrench You're back to the screwdriver again What you know boss you just ain't mechanically minded I am too Then why do you call me every morning to screw the cap back on your toothpaste and just hurry with the tire? Will you I'm almost finished good. I just can't understand having a blowout a very good tire It's a general. I know, but you've run this general down to a book private Stop being silly that tire hasn't got so many holes in it. It hasn't boss the inner tube could be arrested for indecent exposure Shame to go around with it Rochester, that's a terrible joke an awful joke What are you laughing at you always say that in two weeks later it shows up on your program Now come on. You're all true. Let's get going with Rochester one of the reasons I haven't fixed this car up is that I've been thinking of getting a new one Yes, I Think are just about seen its best days Told you that today Well it all depends on what they'll allow me for a trade-in on this car How much do you think they'll appraise it for boys when a car gets this old they don't appraise it they way Don't have to give me a good price or I won't trade We're pretty close to NBC. You better start looking for a parking place. Why don't we go to a parking lot Rochester? Sorry, boss. I'm letting my post war plans get the best of me Here's a parking place right here in front of the studio, okay I'm going in you stay here and watch the car What an automobile this is the car that made the Irishman stop smiling never mind just stay here and wait for me Oh, hello little boy, Mr. Benny may I have your autograph, please why certainly certainly there you are Jack Benny, thank you. Say, mr. Benny. Are you really 37 years old? Well, I I will be in February How old are you sonny five only five? Well, I will be in June Goodbye, sonny. I have to run a lot Jackson Jackson. Oh, hello, Phil. Am I late? No? No? I just got here myself. Are you Phil Harris? Yeah, that's me. Do you want my autograph? Gee, I'd sure like to have it. Okay. Hand me your book There you are Phil Harris. Thank you Gee, aren't there supposed to be two hours in here? I don't know kid. I spell it different every time Hey, Jackson, what's that you got under your arm? Oh, it's a box of candy. I'm giving Mary just a little surprise You know, she was so nice to me when I was in the hospital last week Come on. Let's go in. You know Phil on the program today. I wish you Well Job on the pitch bandwagon. Well party. I'm giving Saturday night Got I've asked everybody in Hollywood Clark Gable Van Johnson, Bing Crosby, Carrie Grant. Yes, they're all men Aren't you inviting any girls? You know Jackson cast lives out in my neighborhood. She does. Yeah You only get to see her once a week, but I get to see cast follows corny Joe I don't know Jackson. They just come to me. Isn't there someplace you can hide You know Phil those are the kind of jokes that made the Irishman stop smiling and drove months mad if Rochester thinks I'm gonna wait two weeks He's crazy. What did you say Jackson? Nothing. Nothing As a willow in a windstorm I'm as jumpy as a puppet on a string Like a nightingale Without a song to sing Well, very good, but look isn't that uh, isn't that a new guitar player you've got over there? Well right over there sitting on the stool. Is he new? No, that's Frankie. We just washed them Why don't you use? Why don't you use soap on the rest of them? You might find some pretty good musicians under there? Mary's dressing room and give her this box of candy. Okay Yeah, da-dee-da-da da-dee-da da-da-da-da-dee-da she married be surprised to get this candy I'll disguise my voice the man. You're deliriously and an explanation Listen sister. I never let any girl upset me. Oh, no, what about the time your girlfriend glad is abyssal returns those socks You knitted for Mary, you know, I don't knit socks for girls. I knitted those for myself Because they were too big for me On the way to the studio and bought you this box of candy here Why'd you do that? Because you were so nice to me when I was in the hospital last week. Oh, it was nothing It was to you came to see me every day and that's a sign. You love me. Oh, it is not. It is too I know you you try to act like you don't but deep down inside you think I'm peachy. I Think you're ginger peachy with whipped cream and a cherry on top of root toot-toot and a tootie Listen, you can you can you can joke all you want to marry But it's the little things you do that show me how you really feel like last night when I took it for a drive That was a nice thing you did. Well, we ran out of gas somebody had to get out and push Well, you didn't have to push so fast. I got a ticket Anyway, Mary now that I brought your box of candy you got to give me a little kiss Oh for heaven's sake every time a man brings a girl a box of candy. He wants a kiss It's the same thing with my sister babe. It isn't the same. She brings the candy And what are you stalling about give me a little kiss Jack? I'm not stalling but take a look at yourself in the mirror Why didn't you shave? I don't think I need to shave you do too. Well, maybe a little I can wait a little Mara Jack I never saw anyone like you if it's hair you hate to lose it I'll get cleaned up later. I got to run back to my dressing room now and get ready for the show so long so long Oh, Jack, I meant to tell you some time when you're thinking of using a guest star. Why not get Boris Karloff? Boris Karloff. Yeah, I heard him on Fred Allen's program last week, and he was wonderful Well, what do you know? Boris Karloff and Fred Allen on the same program That's like two totem poles broadcasting from the La Brea tarp I'll see you later. Very okay I can't get over it Karloff and Allen on the same program That's like two totem poles. Oh, I said that I must stop parking my gum on my glasses Grosom as gruesome as he is I can't understand how Jack what are you mumbling about? Oh, hello, Don Say, did you hear Fred Allen's program last week? Yes We had the most terrific joke about you. He did. I what was it? He said the Lone Ranger wanted to follow your program because there was enough corn on it to feed his horse That's the first time I ever saw a man laugh himself out of a job What a joke. Anyway, Allen certainly the right comedian to be on a tea program tender leaf presents tender head Bob Jack I can't understand why you always pick on Allen. I think he's a nice guy Don. You've been with me 15 years What do you know about a nice guy? I mean Makes you think Allen's so nice. Do you like his jokes? Oh, but I like his smokes. What? He's a lucky strike fan French most lucky strikes because he knows they're made of the lighter the finer the naturally milder tobacco But he knows that LSMFT stands for lucky strike means fine tobacco, but yes, Jack even the butts are so round Free and easy on the draw. I know Don. I know look and I'll see you later. I got to go back to my dressing room Yeah, that was a pretty good gag. I thought of tender leaf presents tender head I'm solid tonight Well, I guess I better put my tie on and Gee Mary's right. I do need a shave. I wonder if I've got time to the alcohol the studio barber and haven't come up Operator operator label. What is it guy truth? Look at your switchboard. Mr. Benny's dressing room is flashing Oh, yeah, I wonder what sweet Leilani wants now Benny the studio barber one moment. I'll connect you Say go to did you see that box of candy mr. Benny had when he came in the studio? Yeah, I wonder who he bought it for I don't know, but the piece he gave me was lousy But I'll never forget when mr. Benny first went on the air. Oh, were you the operator thing? No, my mother was You again Yes, mr. Benny. It won't do you any good. She thought the candy was lousy Oh, whatever that Mabel is cute. I wonder if her mother ever told her about me Gee those nights out on Sunset Boulevard where the Trocadero is now God how time flies Script and do I have to do this awful joke in here? What awful joke this one here? Well, you say to me Mary. Why is a cat that walks on the beach like St. Nicholas well, and then I have to say because it has sandy claws You just don't get it. It's too subtle. You see sandy claws beach cat. I wouldn't do that joke if I had nine lives Well, I'll give it a Phil Harris. He'll think I'm doing him a favor See you later Can't understand why she doesn't like that cat joke got screams when I was headlined at the palace in Cucamonga Come in I'm here to shave you said. Oh, are you the barber? Well, what do you think I am with this razor in my hand the star of Spellbound Now, let's see if I have everything soap brush razor and plasma. Hey cut you We'll be careful. Will you don't worry now first? I'll sharpen my razor My this razor's job seems to be full of wrinkles. That's my arm Is leathery old limb isn't it? Why don't you just just a second barber come in? It's me mr. Benny Flanagan the detective. Oh, come in mr. Flanagan sit down over here. Thanks Like I'm being followed Have you got any clues about the man who robbed me of the ten thousand dollars and came back and beat me up? No, I'm here to settle an argument and says that the description you gave him the crook was that he had a Color-flower ES car and his cheek a broken nose and a little walk in his chin Said that you said that the crooked a color-flower ES car and his neck a broken nose a little more Well, you were right inspector. Yeah, I know it was a little more instead of a little Ready to shave you now. Okay. Oh, say mr. Bunny your barber. Well, who do you think he is with that razor in his hand the star of Spellbound? Say that's very clever. Thank you and save me. Okay, but I need some hot water You can get hot water out of that washbowl there. Yes, sir. Hmm. This is the first dressing room I've ever seen with six washbowls. This dressing room is only temporary. They've been promising me a new one for ten years Hot water. Why don't you shave me? I'm making tea That would lead to the capture of the holed up man Well, I found one man that was wearing brass knuckles and his fingerprints was exactly the same as the ones we found on your fault Well, that was the man. Why didn't you arrest them? I didn't have the heart He was my brother use your brother not it was your duty to arrest He's sending me to a detective college a little from you a little from somebody else a little from me from you Yeah, he steals from me though. You're just mad because I got a little education. Yeah This is all Steve Bradley's for What a publicity man if I get robbed the least he can do is get me a good detective. I mean detective And mr. Benny, I'm ready now. Would you like a close shave or a light shave? What's the difference with a light shave? I take one step back and get it over What's that not we find press agent you are what's the matter? What's wrong? What's bothering you? What's bothering me? Look, I had a dream that I won six hundred thousand dollars at the racetrack and you and your publicity made everybody believe It was true and then what happens? I get robbed of ten thousand dollars The same man comes back and beats me up Yeah, but Benny and then you you put a detective on the case who doesn't know Greenberg from third base Why shouldn't I be mad? What are you laughing at? You mean that I certainly better that crook was just an actor and I gave him 200 bucks to rob you Yeah, but how about him coming back and beating me up? Don't worry about it, Benny He threw that in for nothing being funny. Give me my ten thousand dollars Steve I've had enough of your crazy ideas now. Give me my money. I'll wait a minute Benny this idea sensation It'll sweep the country nothing like it has ever been done before now Steve just a minute I'm not an idea for a content. You're gonna give away my ten thousand dollars Such a guy What kind of a contest can that be we're all have to give away prizes. It'll cost me ten thousand dollars Well, I'm not gonna worry about it. She loves me. She loves me not she loves me She loves me now. She loves Barbara shave me. Don't pull them out Okay, okay, that was the last one anyway I wonder what Steve has in on his mind What kind of a contest can it be? Oh well, I'll find out next Sunday And find out what this contest is all about is it true that Jack Benny is going to be forced to give away ten thousand dollars in prizes Pick him up, Mary Yes, folks ten thousand dollars in prizes So be sure to tune in next Sunday for all the details ladies and gentlemen Christmas is just one month away and if our gifts are to reach their destinations on time We should mail them early so let's all cooperate and mail Christmas packages now or by December 10th at the latest Thank you. Jack will be back in just a minute. But first here is my good friend F.E. Boone In a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts and lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes lucky strike means fine tobacco Mr. Alexander G. Irvin independent tobacco warehouse man of Reedsville, North Carolina said as a tobacco man I can tell you why lucky strike is a milder better tasting cigarette Lucky strike buys the mild fragrant tobacco that makes for top smoking enjoyment That's why I smoke luckies for 11 years quote lucky strike buys the mild fragrant tobacco that makes for top smoking enjoyment Unquote yes in a cigarette It's the tobacco that counts and lucky strike means fine tobacco So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike the famous tobacco auctioneers heard on tonight's programmer Mr. L.A. speed rigs of Goldsboro, North Carolina This old American and mr. F.E. Boone of Lexington, Kentucky at 45 sold American Basil Riesdale speaking for LSMFT LSMFT LSMFT lucky strike means fine tobacco So round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw G Gee Mary. I wonder what this contest can be that Steve Bradley has in mind. I don't know but he's crazy enough to do anything That's what worries me if I'd listen to him it would be me instead of itchy stuck in that tunnel Well, we'll just have to wait and find out good night folks This is the national broadcasting company KFI Los Angeles