 Hello everyone. Welcome again to another NARC Survivor Live video. In this one, it is a very deep and interesting topic, something that I haven't talked about much on this channel. And in fact, there are very few videos, if any, that you will find on YouTube that discuss this. And in fact, what I am about to say, it's not something that's just meant to make you feel better about yourself. It's actually based on psychological facts and research. The narcissist is deeply disturbed by what they did to you. And not only by what they did to you, but by what they did to anyone. Anything wrong? Anything bad that they did? Yes, they are deeply disturbed by that. They're haunted by their own actions. And I know what you may be thinking. As you read this title, as you're watching this video and you're seeing me right now, I know exactly what you must be thinking. You must be thinking that cold-hearted monster, that ruthless vindictive person. You mean to say that they are deeply disturbed by what they did to me. They're haunted by their actions. How does that make any sense? Right. I'm sure that's what many of you must be thinking. And I completely understand that. I get it. But by the end of this video, it will all make perfect sense. You will understand where I'm coming from. Even though, yes, in many of the videos on YouTube, by many other therapists and coaches, they may have said the exact opposite. They may have said that the narcissist doesn't care. That they don't feel any regrets. They don't feel bad. And yeah, what I'm about to say in this one does oppose many therapists, coaches. But keep in mind, I'm not just someone who doesn't know anything about this disorder under my belt. I do. I've talked to hundreds of clients. I've done hundreds of hours of coaching, thousands of hours of research and making videos. I've even coached some psychologists and psychotherapists myself. So keep that in mind. With regards to this topic and knowing that, in my opinion, I would say that, yes, you can definitely trust in this information that I am giving to you. And once I explain it to you, it will all make perfect sense. I do believe. Before I get into it, please give this video a thumbs up down below. Very important as it will help the YouTube algorithm to get this very important message out there. Thank you. But yes, let's get right into it. And this is really it. This is the basis of the video. It's backed by psychological facts. This is even in the DSM 5. Narcissists are shame based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. And that alone already validates the title of this video of how it says that they're deeply disturbed by what they did to you. They're haunted by their actions. They're shame based people. They're doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. And of course, that doesn't mean that they never reflect on their shame. They do. Just look at what happens when you question or confront them. And I don't advise you to do that, but just maybe remember a time in the past when you did do that. Remember how they reacted when you confronted them on something that they said or did to you? How did they react? Did you see the luck in their eyes? The moment that you told them you did not approve of their actions? In that moment, in that split second window, they sound reflected. They looked within. And that's why following that, you saw the narcissistic rage. They got very angry. Why would they get angry? Why would they be so upset? Why do they have such an exaggerated reaction if they are not self-reflecting in that moment? But again, this is all psychological facts. They are shame based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. It's a psychological fact. It's in the DSM-5. And also, when they experience a narcissistic injury, they do self-reflect in that moment. That's also a psychological fact. We already know this. But most people don't put this much emphasis on it as I am doing right now. And as I've described it in previous videos, they experience what I like to call this shame rage abuse cycle. Let me just turn the light on. It's quite dark in here. Yes, they experience this shame rage abuse cycle. So what happens is they experience something that they perceive as a threat, something harmful. It could be rejection, abandonment, a threat of exposure. And then it causes a narcissistic injury. It triggers them to reflect on their shame. And then what happens? They rage. Abusing you past the homoral compass. Everyone does. Everyone knows what is right and what is wrong. And that's why in that moment, after they've abused you, unless they can just completely be in denial, something triggers them to reflect on it and it causes them to rage again and abuse you again. Which just perpetuates this endless cycle of shame, rage and abuse, which never seems to end. Because they don't reflect on their shame long enough to see that the problem is them. So that's really the basis of this video of how the narcissist is deeply disturbed by what they did to you. But now we are going to get even more deeper into it. Everything that our cyst does, it's really just escapism, coping and defence mechanisms to distract them from reality. From the truth about themselves. Everything from the very beginning to where they give you a false character. They manipulate you. They love bomb you. What are they doing in that moment? They're trying to run away from themselves. And even when they got with you from the very beginning, how did they end up with you? They discarded someone else. Why did they discard someone else? You might say that they were running away from that person. In fact, they were running away from themselves. They were being questioned and confronted. They didn't like it. Or there was this fear of rejection or abandonment or a threat of exposure. If they rejected, they're abandoned. They're left alone to their own devices to reflect on themselves and their own shame. To reflect on the things that they've done to people. Of course that's something they don't want to do. And if they're exposed, then everyone knows who and what they are. And it's constantly shoved down their throats. They have to accept it. Another thing they do not want to do. Because they are deeply disturbed by what they've done. Otherwise they wouldn't even care. They wouldn't get to them. It wouldn't bother them. And they would feel no need to abuse you. But they do. This is why when you confront them, you hold them up to their actions. They ghost you. They disappear. Because they're running away from this reflection of themselves that they do not like. Just look at how they devalue you. They project their insecurities onto you. They shift the blame onto you. What are they doing when they're doing that? They're disowning these parts of themselves that they don't want to do to you. Because they don't want to accept it. And at times there are things that they are guilty of. They will deflect the blame. Because again, they feel deeply disturbed by what they did to you. They're haunted by their actions. That's why they do that. They're trying to run away from it. And then they start talking about you to people behind your back. They start going around spreading rumors, gossiping, creating this false narrative, this false reality, enforcing their flying monkeys. And what's the purpose of that? You may think that it's meant to tear you down and to make you feel bad about yourself. And while that may be a part of it, that's not the end goal. It's not the end objective. Narcissists only care about themselves. It's not even so much about their image of reputation. It goes deeper than that. All they really care about is how they see and feel about themselves. That's all they're concerned with. Everything and everyone else, they're just pawns on a chessboard that they move around to create this desired effect, this desired reflection of themselves. Everything else doesn't even matter. All of their enablers, their flying monkeys, they're all just a means to an end. It's all just to create this mirror image, this reflection of how they want to see themselves. And you've got to think why is that so important to them? Why do they have to see themselves as perfect, flawless? Of course, by this point in the video, it should be quite obvious. It's because they are deeply disturbed by what they did to you. They're haunted by their actions. That's why they have to manipulate their surroundings. They have to manipulate everyone and everything around them. They have to arrange things, coordinate it, orchestrate it to produce their desired effect so that they get this reflection back to themselves of how they want to be seen by themselves. Not only do they need to be in the spotlight at all times, do they need to be the star of the show, but they are also the audience. They are the star of the show, the director, and the audience of their own movie. Everyone else, you're just, you're not co-starring. You're not featuring, you're not even in the background. We are all just props, inanimate objects that they move around at their disposal to produce their desired effect. And they arrange us around like pawns on a chessboard so that it reflects back to them how they want to see themselves and feel about themselves. And you've got to think, why would they go out of their way to do that? Of course, the only possible conclusion is that, yes, they are deeply disturbed by what they did to you. They are haunted by their actions, and they are well aware of what they have done. They may play dumb sometimes, but just look in their eyes when you confront them. When you do that, you can see it, and it makes them so angry. They become highly reactive to where it's like they just want to attack and destroy you, but it's not really you that they're trying to destroy. It's more like this mirror in front of them. It's showing them who they actually are. Imagine they attacked you physically. You've got the bruises, you've got the scars, you're covered in blood, and it's like they have to look at you. They have to see the results, the effects, the scars from what they did to you, and every time they have to see that, it makes them sick. They can't stand it. Seeing the damage that they caused to you and your life, it reflects back to them that they're a bad person. You're like a mirror in front of them, and they just want to smash it so that they no longer have to see this reflection of themselves. And yet at the end, we wonder why they blame us for everything, why they go all out and pull out all the stops. We wonder how many of us we think, oh, it's because they think we did something wrong. Oh, they're actually in deep denial, and all they're really trying to do is destroy the mirror image of themselves that they do not like. Because that's what you become, and it confirms again that, yes, they are haunted by the reactions, they're deeply disturbed by what they did to you. Because once you've been narcissistically abused for a long period of time, it comes with adverse effects. You begin to suffer from the abuse, mentally, emotionally, financially, and sometimes you will even have physical symptoms as well. Every time they see you, they have to look at that. There might not always be physical bruises or scars. It could just be your anxiety, your depression, and they can't stand it. They hate to see that. It really irritates them. Every time they have to look at your face, because it just reminds them of everything they did to you all of that time, all of those times they tried to destroy you. It just reminds them of that. And it goes back to the shame, rage, abuse cycle that I talked about earlier. They abuse you. They feel shame, they rage, they abuse you again. And this is a cycle that never ends. And it's how you know that you're dealing with a narcissist, because they won't ever look at themselves for a long period of time. They feel the feelings, the emotions of the wrong that they've done, of the bad person that they believe that they are, and it fills them with rage. They want to fight. They want to attack you. They want to tear you down. But again, as I said, it's not really you that they're trying to tear down. It's this reflection of themselves that they see in you that they do not like. And that's not to say that you look like the narcissist or anything like that. Now, it's in all of the things that they've done to you. As I said, the abuse, it leaves marks. It leaves effects. It leaves symptoms. And they see that. And it's a constant reminder to them of everything they did to you that reminds them that they're not perfect, that they are flawed, that they are sick, twisted, abusive people. Because if they weren't, then why would they do that to you? You see, there's things that even narcissists cannot justify. Even though it may look like justification, it's actually really just denial. They're constantly in denial because that's the only way that they can survive emotionally. It's the only way that they can be a narcissist. If there was no denial, it would not be able to function as a narcissist. And in fact, if you take away the denial, that would be the beginning stages of their healing. And that's why they hold on to the denial of a dear life. That's why it's so important for them to deny their wrongdoing, to deflect their shame. Because although, yes, in the beginning, it may seem like, you know, that could be the beginning stages of their healing. For them, it's extremely painful for them to go through. In that moment, it feels like life or death to them. In that moment, they just don't know what to do. They can't deal with it. There's so much shame inside of them. And for them, it's so painful because they've done everything they can to avoid reflecting on it their entire lives. So how are they going to start now? They're just going to do what they've always done. They're just going to try and deflect it onto you or someone else. Blame you for it. Play the victim. Then use that as justification to attack you and tear you down. Narcissists feel deeply disturbed by what they did to you. They are haunted by their actions. And I'm sure many of you, when you saw the title, when you clicked onto this video, you may have been in disbelief. But I do believe that I have done the title of this video, justice. Of course, I do have six years of research under my belt. Hundreds of hours of coaching. Thousands of hours of making videos and research. So I can go a lot deeper into this topic. I mean, I could probably do a video for hours on this topic. I could write a book quite easily. But I think I have given you enough food for thought. And if you have any questions, you can let me know in the live chat down below. I will read it out and I will respond to you. So let me know any questions that you may have regarding this topic. Narcissist says, Narcissist just can't stay away from us. We're so fantastic. Yeah, that can be a part of it. But really, as I said, it's like we are really just this mirror image, this reflection of everything they hate, their efficiencies, their faults and wrongdoings. It triggers their shame. And then they rage and they abuse us. Strike the cycle, sort of it haunts them so much. Why don't they take responsibility for it? Very good question. It's quite simply because they are very weak. It's too painful for them to deal with. And of course, no one really wants to deal with shame. But we still do it, especially as empaths. We self-love. We look at ourselves first before blaming anyone else. And Narcissist capitalises on that. Weak to deal with it. It's too painful. And you confront them or you threaten to expose them. They get injured. They get hurt. And while it may also hurt us as well, it may hurt anyone to be rejected or if someone threatened to expose something we did wrong. Of course, that would hurt us too. But we probably wouldn't lash out at the person who is blaming us. Instead, we would try to understand where they're coming from and we would try to make things better. I mean, that's what happens with us. And Narcissist, it is never good enough. You're very welcome, Moonlight. Thank you for the kind words. Alcoholics who are also Narcissist. But I would say that anyone who has an addiction, I mean, that is narcissistic to some extent. Of course, that doesn't mean they have a disorder. Just because they're an alcoholic or even a drug addict or because they're addicted to shopping, gambling, sex, whatever it may be. But if it's an addiction, that means it's going to be prioritized over other things in their lives that should be more important to them, which is a narcissistic trait. Dewey Malone says, not everyone who has an addiction is a narcissist. I disagree with that. Some empaths who have a lot of pain try to drown it with drugs or alcohol. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I didn't say that anyone who has an addiction is a narcissist. But for someone to have an addiction, because of course the addiction takes priority over other things in their lives that should or could be more significant. So as an example, if they're addicted to alcohol or drugs, they might spend less money on their family so that they have the money for their alcohol or drugs. Instead of being at home taking care of the kids, they might have to go out to the shop so that they can get their alcohol or they may have to go somewhere to get their drugs. I'm sure many of them are because as we know, narcissists have a lot of addictions. Their main addiction is the people. Of course, their narcissistic supply. But there's also many people out there, as you said, empaths as well, who have addictions, especially after dealing with a narcissist. Of course, I completely understand that. I've been through it myself. But I would say that generally, people who have addictions, it's slightly narcissistic. It is a narcissistic trait. It revolves around self-absorption, being involved in activities or consumption that may not only be harmful to themselves, but also the people around them as well. So that's important to take into consideration. And that's not the shame anyone who does have an addiction here. I mean, of course, we all have to find ways to cope. But what I do advise is to try to find healthy coping strategies rather than things that may be harmful to yourself or to those around you. But if you think they are deeply disturbed, then you have no clue about narcissism. I appreciate their comments, but please expand on what you mean there. I mean, I have just given a 30-minute explanation on why I believe that they are deeply disturbed by what they have done and why they're haunted by their actions. So I welcome your response. I mean, all you've really said is that if I think that they are deeply disturbed, then I have no clue about narcissism. But you haven't really expanded on that to explain why you have that opinion. And my explanation in this video for over 30 minutes is actually based on psychological facts and even information that is given in the DSM-5 about this disorder. So I welcome your response and your expansion to your comment. CNS-32 says, many drugs don't take alcohol or drugs. The reactions don't depend on those things, Chris. You're right. There are many narcissists who don't take alcohol or drugs, but there are other addictions as well. There is shopping, many of the things. And of course, let's not forget their number one addiction. People. That is their narcissistic supply. So I would go as far as to say that every narcissist will have some form of addiction. They must. It's what helps them to distract themselves from reality. It's escapism. They may just even have these delusions of grandeur, these fantasies in their heads, but they all have some form of addiction. Even if it's not alcohol or drugs, they have something. CNS-32, thank you for expanding on your comment there. CNS-32 says, they don't get deeply disturbed, Chris, because they are callous. They have zero empathy. What's the work of Professor Vaknen? They move on and tell you that you don't matter. That's not completely true to say that a narcissist has zero empathy. They all have some level of empathy. Yes, they may be low in affective empathy, which means that they can't feel other people's emotions or experiences as if they were their own, but they do have high cognitive empathy. In fact, far more than a standard empath, which means that they have this keen ability to read into our emotions and how we're feeling. And that is how they know what makes us tick, what we don't like or what we do like, and they know exactly how to push our buttons to get the response that they want. They pre-on us using their high levels of cognitive empathy, but that does not have too much to do with them being deeply disturbed. As I said earlier on in this video, their feelings of disturbance then being haunted by their actions. These feelings are not for us. As I said, they don't really care about us or what we're going through. Of course, if they did, they would be there for us. They would have cared about us. They would have tried to make the right. Their feelings of pity and shame, these feelings are for themselves and that's why they don't take action. They feel pity for themselves. They feel shame and then that goes back to the shame rage abuse cycle. That's where they lash at us and they hurt us because they're feeling these feelings for themselves. And yet it's too painful for them to deal with. So that's my explanation for you there, Scenes32. I hope that helps. Scenes32 again says they don't feel like they have done anything wrong. I have seen this point emerge in many discussions I've had with Narcobuse survivors. They move on to the next supply ASAP. My response to that is that the reason why they move on to the next supply so quickly is because they do feel like they've done some wrong. This is outlined in the DSM-5 and it's common knowledge among therapists and medical practitioners that narcissists are in fact shame-based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. So without in mind, they must know what they're doing is wrong. And in fact, narcissistic personality disorder is a part of the cluster B personality disorders and these personality disorders are the only ones really that know exactly what they are doing and they even understand the effects that it's having on their victims. That's why they're in denial but they're not in denial all the time because if you confront them, if you question them, if you threaten to expose them, it triggers a narcissistic injury. Why would it trigger a narcissistic injury if they believe that what they've done is not wrong? And not only that, but this is a perfect example, put an authority to get in the room, a police officer, or even just something they look up to, respect or admire. Whatever that narcissist is doing, immediately they will stop because they know that what they're doing is wrong and they understand that there are consequences for their actions. So I hope that's helpful to you there, seeing us 32. There's three years and still no hoover for me. I caused a massive injury telling her about herself. Yeah, if you've caused a huge narcissistic injury, the odds are you won't hear from them for a while because as I said, you become this mirror reflection of themselves that they're running away from. They don't want to be reminded of who they actually are. It looks like they're running from you but they're running from this reflection of themselves that they do not like. Glad to see that we're on the same page there, seeing us 32. Glad to hear that I've brought clarification to you. But yeah, if you have any questions or if you'd like to have any feedback on this video, anything that you disagree with or anything that you'd like me to expand on more, you can let me know down in the comment section as well. I will try to respond to as many. But at this point in my research and my experiences in six years of daily research of narcissistic personality disorder I am highly confident as you probably see and believe in what I know about the disorder doesn't mean that I'm not ever wrong, of course. And in fact, I do recall something not too long ago and you may have noticed it in my older videos but I often said that narcissists can't change. That's not completely true. I mean, as far as we know there is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder, self-awareness, that's partially true. Some of them can be self-aware and they also have the ability to change their behaviors as long as they are undergoing intensive therapy. So, yeah, along my journey of research or maybe more, a lot more than twice. Of course, there are things among many therapists and coaches 100% sure about it. There's research being done on this disorder every day. Not everything is going about it. So there's always more to learn, there's always more to understand and even myself as I continue to research this disorder I'm learning more and more every day as you may probably know these are a lot more advanced than they used to be and they will continue to advance in my research as well. But yeah, let me know what you think in the comment section down below. And if you found this video helpful you can give it a thumbs up down below. Very important as it will help to get this message out there to other survivors as well. Also hit the subscribe button and click all notifications so that you will be notified when I upload a new video. If you'd like to book a one-on-one coaching session with me as I've said I've got six years of experience rather six years of research, a lifetime of experience and hundreds of hours of coaching clients including psychologists, therapists, lawyers, doctors, doctors, doctors. Thank you.