 Hey y'all want a swig? Don't you kidding me? What? Ain't no way you drinking on duty right now. You're the only fucking officer on duty right now. You are solely responsible for this entire city. Do you understand that? Yeah, so now you know why I'm drinking. Ain't no way! This motherfucker about to burn down. We'll be fine. I just don't know what happened. Mr. Quarrow, you got hit by a fucking dump truck. What do you mean by that? You guys good? I don't know how the hell, I don't know how the hell I fell into an 18-wheeler hitting me. Jesus. Oh my, oh lordy. Hornwood. I was, I was trying to swallow some of my prescription mouthwash. So I was trying to jog it off and then I tripped over this curb somehow and immediately at the exact second I tripped I got hit by an 18-wheeler. Oh for heaven's sake. How have you survived this log on this planet? I have no idea how that happened. Are you, are you just taking a break, Hornwood? Is that what's going on? No, I gotta get to a bench trial too. Oh, it's a huge mess. Have you, have you eaten? Yeah, oh yes. Did you break or lacerate anything in the last hour or so? I'm a dignity. Is this your way of getting out of an up and trial? No, but actually, you know what? That's a damn good idea. Maybe it'll happen again. We're going to stand up in three, two, one. Okay, there you go. How do you feel? Oh hell, I appreciate it. I want to stay close by for the next seven minutes. Okay. Wait, the car won't turn on. Echo 10, 24, the 13, 10, 8. There we go. Hey, remember to vote Cornwood for Mayor by the way. Are you okay to drive? Here, will you hand me the keys? I think I'm okay. Mr. Cornwood, you just drank like a fifth of vodka or some shit. You ran into the street and you got hit by a dump truck. After passing out from not eating anything. I don't think you're fit to drive nor beyond duty or go to a bench trial for that matter. I'm fine. Oh, there we go. It's working. Oh, there you go. I'm fine. Oh, I ain't. Don't do that. Mr. Cornwood. She was a terrorist. How are you hired and I don't have a fucking job? Look, it's experience. That's all. All right, we're on our way to ease. Okay, copy that. I was thirsty. I'm dehydrated. Now, that's the only thing I have. Get some fucking water. I didn't have water. That's why. You're about to represent a case. Three felonies are going to represent three felonies in your drunkest shit. Well, only one of them is bench troweling. You might as well just let this woman walk away and kill somebody else. You might as well just let that happen because this shit's about to get tossed out. How you doing, sir? I'm all right. Mr. Cornwood's caretaker. Oh, okay. He needs to go to this one. Okay, in that case, Mr. Charles, when you're ready, please provide the court with your testimony. I was, you know, for the past five days, now I've been struggling to receive my SIM card. You know, it has all my personal information on it. The Mr. K originally stole this. He scanned me out of it multiple times trying to sell it back to me. Today, he had a sudden change of heart. He said, Bobby, it's Christmas, and I'm going to give you this SIM card. He gave me the SIM card back. As soon as I got this SIM card, I was approached by Mama Eda, Evil Jamimi herself. And she said, Bobby, I don't want you to be happy. She stole the SIM card off me, your honor. And after that SIM card was stolen off of me, I proceeded to try and find her and retrieve my SIM card back. She handed an X in her persons and in her hand at the time. And when I tried to talk to her about the SIM card, she got very violent and I defended myself. She handed her up at the hospital and that's when Officer Korn would found the SIM card and the entire situation was over after that. Officer Korn, would any questions for Bobby? She's a weapon. She's anything else like that. I was not paying attention. It was a large group of people. I was incapacitated. Mama then grabbed me and began to run my pockets. That's when my SIM card was missing after she stole it. What was the axe about that you brought up earlier? Yes, she did have an axe on her person. All right. I don't have any further questions. Okay. Mama, do you have any questions for Bobby? Yes. You're right. This isn't a robbery, Kornwood. This isn't a robbery. Did she steal it? Or did she pull a weapon on her? Health and robbery are two different things. He told us that she pulled a weapon on her. That's not what he said. Can I bring up evidence right now? You have to clarify that part or it's going to get thrown out because that's not a robbery what he said. Okay. He said he pulled a weapon. He threatened her with the axe. Was that doing the taking of the SIM card? It's a good point to clarify. We're reporting several times. Oh my God. It's not him. He told me earlier there was. I think he's blown it. I was stolen. Bobby, why do you speak to me anyway? Why do I speak to you? What is your relationship with me anyway? I want you to answer this frankly, Bobby. Let's see. Mama, you're kind of like... How is this relevant? It's kind of like a disease. It's like stuck. You're like an illness mama that's inoperable and you can't do it. That's what you are. You're a disease mama. What? The worst victim ever. Yeah, I know. This is literally a disaster. I even gave this a waste of time. I know. He was literally... This is a dad show. This is a study. Go ahead. Let me handle this. Hell, I'll handle this. Give me a second. Mama, I'm going to be honest here. I'm not aware, but we all know you don't have that type of cash. What do you mean by value? Objection. I don't know, but what does this have to do with anything? Relevancy. That one sustained. Mama, get back onto the point in that hand. Okay, I understand that. Why? Blood sugar, my blood sugar. Ain't no way. Blood sugar is too low. Your Honor, has somebody else passed out behind us? Yep. Oh my God. I think the food in this city is not nearly feeling enough. I'm going to be honest. It seems to be happening to everybody all the time. Am I just lying? I don't see... You are standing right next to me. Oh, Lord. Dude, what a disaster, dude. Let's see if I can move him. Oh. Oh. Okay. That happened. I think I'm having an out-of-body experience. Is the trial over? God, no, I wish. Whether she's guilty or not, she's getting time served, I think. For a 30-month sentence, it's been about an hour now, at least. Okay, we'll give her 29 months instead. You got the long corner of the law. Why don't we all head back and play? I'll have a good one. Lange, YouTube, appreciate the help. Y'all want a swig? Don't you even kidding me? What? Ain't no way. You drinking on duty right now. You're the only fucking officer on duty right now. You are solely responsible for this entire city. Do you understand that? Yeah, so now you know why I'm drinking. Ain't no way. This motherfucker about to burn down. We'll be fine. You know, Andrews, I don't know if I told you this. I think I want to run for mayor. You can't even be a good officer for a day. What do you mean? Yeah, how many tickets I handed out today? I've been with you for like three hours. I haven't seen you doing ounce of police work. Yes, because the damn legal systems hold me back. I had it my way. I mean, I'd be the damn judge, jury, the whole nine yards. Mr. Cook Cornwood, did you witness the events that were reported in the 911 dispatch call? Yes, I think. So you witnessed this stabbing? Oh, no. When did you find the SIM card on her person? After she was done getting treatment at the hospital. Did you witness her steal the SIM card? No. Officer Cornwood, did you or did you not find the SIM card belonging to Bobby Charles on Mama's person? I did immediately after she was done receiving treatment from Crusade Medical. Thank you. Where did you get this dog shit from? Yeah, yeah. I just showed up at the hospital. Next thing you know, here we are. Cornwood, you should have charged her with theft. That's what she should have charged her with. Well, she used a weapon. So was that not first degree? Did she use the weapon during the commission of the theft? Yes. Because that's not what he said. That's what he told me. No, he probably told you that he got robbed. These morons walking these fucking streets don't know what a robbery is. They think that anytime something is stolen, it's a robbery. It's not. Robbery is a violent act. It includes a weapon. That's what he said. I don't think the taking of the SIM card occurred when he got stabbed. This was probably two separate incidents and he somehow jumbled them together and you charged this woman with robbery and it's not a robbery. I mean, but it is. Okay, but currently the way that this court is going since you didn't witness it, that's why they keep asking you, did you witness this robbery? Nowhere in any story in today's courtroom here was anyone mentioned that, you know, the SIM card was taken with a weapon being involved. That's what he told me when I first charged her. But that wasn't stated in court at all. God, Bobby's a dumbass. Like I said, he's an idiot. He should have just walked away from this bullshit. Good Lord. Where's my turn? We're good, Your Honor. I am satisfied with my paralegals performance. It's really a star. Okay, objection to you. How come they get a lawyer halfway through the case and I don't? Would you like one? No, I can do this myself. Thank you. God. Andrews, what? We didn't order a bottle so that objection, Your Honor. Got a lawyer. Do we have another lawyer available? Rod, get your ass up here, your phone son of a bitch. Your corn with attorney now. What? Oh, fuck me, okay. You've been handed a plate of... never mind. Trying to prove first degree robbery, right? Yes. Try to get her to admit to, um, attacking, what's his name? What's his fucking name, Bobby? Wait, who's Bobby? Isn't that the guy whose card was stolen? Oh, yeah. Did you even read the church for first degree robbery? He said it. There has to be violence or something. I know. The whole problem is Bobby, listen, Bobby's a jackass. No, Bobby is an idiot and he told me one thing and then whenever he testified, he didn't say what he told me initially. Okay. So the problem is, is Bobby's a moron. I guess you've been handed a big plate of shit. I'm telling you, Bobby is a dadgo idiot. Okay, okay, okay. Here's what I've learned from these last two bench trials I've been on. Folks got upset about Wrangler, a bunch of charges on people at the same time. Wrangler was right. I'm going to felling you the shit out of Bobby. I'm going to be honest with you. Felling me? No, you ain't felling nobody. Because I should have given him a felling in the first place. Assault with the deadly weapon. We're going to end right back in here. Do the same thing. Absolutely. End of the court case. Where the hell is Bobby? Bobby came up here, put us in this damn mess and he left. No, I kicked him out because he was being an asshole. Oh, okay. Well, you know what? Good on you. Five days later, we have a conclusion to this trial. I cannot find Mama guilty of first-degree robbery. Instead, she will be charged with petty theft. Would I tell you, Mama? Would I tell you? She was already built $1,300. You're on her, so she's going to need some money back. I'm getting Bobby to pay her back. Somebody get me Bobby's number. Oh, wait. I have it because I took a photo of his new damn SIM card. Hold on. I'm getting the bottom of this. Yeah, Bobby is a dumbass sort of a bitch. Let me tell you, he says one thing in person, then he says another thing in court. Where is Bobby? Bobby just left. He put us through all that bullshit and then just left. Why are you not paying attention in the entire case? He got thrown out. No, I know, but he should have sat outside here and made us... What the fuck would he do that? Because he should suffer like the rest of us. I mean, I got to be honest, right? Your first bad, like I said earlier, was not recognizing that he was a fucking idiot and just not just driving by this whole pile of shit. The second thing is, you did piss poor police work on this. No, I did. If everything... Honestly, the whole thing would have stood if he didn't say one thing to me in a different thing in court. You have to pay attention to that. You should have clarified. You should have heard that when he was on the stand. I thought if I just didn't talk about it, then nobody would notice. Oh, dear God. Oh, Lord. This is Bobby. This is Bobby? Who is this? Bobby, you're dumb as shit. You know that, right? Why did you tell me that she robbed you and attacked you with a damn weapon? No, she did rob me. Yeah, but then you went on the stand and you said that you did not say that she did that. No, you said that... No, I did say it. You said that she stole it from you, but you did not say that she robbed you using the weapon. That you told me that she attacked you with a weapon. Okay, what is stealing? Robert, are you using that the same thing? No, I told you that... Is she arrested for perjury? You could have ruined her life right now if she was arrested for perjury. Bobby, I'm about to ruin your life, okay? Now, listen, you owe her $1,300. I ain't paying her fucking shit. I ain't paying her fucking shit. You owe her $1,350. I ain't paying her $1,300. Arrest me, I'm not paying her. Okay, good Lord. Take it up with Gatsby.