 Have you ever heard of a content creator called Hamza Ahmad? I think I said that right. Well, they have been doing a lot of relationship and dating style videos. They are within this sort of sphere of YouTube sphere of the internet called the manosphere of course. Today we're going to be watching a video called how to find love and build sexual desire in a relationship. I've scanned over this video myself and I think there's a lot of things which I think we could do better on when giving advice to specifically young men on dating and relationships. So today we're going to have a little bit of a dive into it. It's a little bit different to the usual autism content that we do but it is a welcome edition. I hope this will be useful to some people out there. Let's do it. You know what Jeffrey wants more than anything else. It isn't video games. It isn't Doritos chilli heatwave crisps. It's a girl friend. Jeffrey can't wait to eventually fall in love and have a girl who even loves him and then they can cuddle and they can spend all of their time together and they can be like best friends and wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Even in Jeffrey's fantasy his dream girl leaves him. He can't even imagine in total fantasy that any girl would continue to be in love and so sexually turned on by him. That's because he does everything wrong that we're going to cover in this video. I've done it. So I've never seen any of these videos before. Usually like I've watched a few of his videos in the past and usually starts off this these videos by like doing a comparison between like this person who is Jeffrey who would be like the viewer in this situation and sort of it's kind of a weird tactic because it's sort of like insults the viewer or like plays unlike the viewers insecurities particularly like when because if someone's searching on YouTube stuff about relationships and dating they're going to you know find this and they're going to be they're going to be perhaps not in the best place. So it's not a frame this way and then you also have this other character coded nonness which I think is sort of like the the muse of masculinity or like Hamza's voice or you know it's I think it's it's sort of a placeholder for for Hamza's sort of beliefs and ideals. I don't know if you've seen it go around there's this like concept of like the geeky Chad which has has been going on for like the internet I've seen quite a few memes on it so it's sort of playing on this like idea there's like there's like a there's like a cartoon isn't there I can't remember what the cartoon is but there's like these stock images of like particular cartoonish type characters that I've seen it's interesting anyway let's see what Adonis has to say. Adonis navigates his relationship in the most ideal way. You and I have so much to learn from him and so we're in the bushes spying on his relationship. Come on bro let's see how Adonis is with his woman. Hmm that's interesting they don't really seem to talk to each other that much he's just in a separate room working out and working on his business. He seems so focused on his craft and yet his woman seems focused on him. Okay there he is he's going out towards her now. Whoa that's so cute. Instead of just walking in there and just talking to her like she's his friend he's just went up and picked her up straight away and they saw much sexual chemistry. He's doing something so different from the rest of that. This is so weird is this like the I don't know it's just like the language use and the sort of the idealization of it all it's like watching some kind of old school hollywood movie kind of esk thing. Still mostly mostly slash only women in the chat. I don't know actually I haven't really looked at looked at the looks violent. Yeah I am okay you're here Justin we're here to watch. I haven't looked at the analytics of the channel I imagine that it's pretty even but I will have to check after this video. People that like the stream are more chad than Adonis. Rest of us. I've experienced a full spectrum of the kinds of relationships you can have. I remember the first like real girlfriend that I had when I was 19 years old and I lost my virginity to this girl. We had love and even sexual desire but then the relationship ended just months later because of a difference in our values. Fast forward around two years and I started dating the girl who I had like the longest term relationship with and with this girl bro she saw me as a total alpha male like she saw me literally sleeping with other girls. She was so like sexually into me like fully submissive down for me whenever I wanted the sexual desire was there the love was there from her side but from me to her I wasn't a very loving guy so imagine this girl is totally in your frame she totally is into you she's so obsessed. Some of the language that I use it's very like abrasive I think to anybody who's outside of like the whole like manosphere culture kind of stuff like the way that they're explaining it it's not just like oh okay you know like it's young look young school kind of romance you know just what most people experience when it comes to this kind of stuff like so young in life. The framing is is a bit cringe but we continue hopefully this video can give me some tips. That's not the reason why we're watching it but I'm hoping that maybe I can I can provide a little bit more sort of nuance and grounding to this video so I'm pretty sure just from just from watching like little bits about his his life through like other sort of reactionary kind of video content creators that this person this this hands a dude doesn't really have like quite long-term relationships like I think someone said I think someone said that like maybe they're like the longest that he's had it was maybe like one or two years or something I may be wrong in that case but I'm pretty sure the best person to ask like when it comes to experience of long-term relationships is actually people who are like married or have had relationships for like over six six eight years you know I hate how obsessed with you she is down to meet you whenever literally just it's almost easy for you and you're almost like a dick to her you love her and you're so sexually into her but you're just not loving towards her and so eventually years later the relationship eventually ended and it was like quite sad because we had to attach to each other but then when I look back to this time that I had with this girl I was never even nice to her and I'm not saying to be a nice guy but I was never even like loving and appreciative of her and I look back with so much if there's one thing you know I've been asked this question of like what's something I regret this is the relationship that comes to mind I regret that I was in a relationship for so long with a girl who was nice and great and you know like we're not compatible now it's been a very long time I'm in a very happy relationship but like when I look back now it's like we were in love and I just wish I kind of showed that to her instead of being too cold and too like negative and almost hostile towards like I don't even understand why it was like that what's interesting about this relationship that started with so much sexual desire was that I saw the level of sexual desire that she had in me drastically drop from sky high as much as it possibly ever could have been to literally to the bottom where I almost knew that I was more of like a nuisance to her than anything else and imagine that transformation imagine being a girl's like total alpha male and eventually you kind of know that she thinks of you more like a chump it's a very like big transformation oh man I felt like this guy is very in his head about stuff like this like obviously like if you are if you have somebody who is who's really into you and then you don't treat them right over long term they're probably going to sort of ditch you at some point if you don't if you don't do that you know it's it's kind of common knowledge I think but it's a male expectation of hardness you're aware of the in cell spaces Sarah you think it's cringe or this is awesome yeah I mean I think it's like it's it's less of an issue about like the stories I think it's more like the way that is framed I don't think is is the best way of like you know framing it you know it's it's aside the whole thing about trying to to think about sort of the sexual desire element of it it's not always like a one-to-one like as you know as people are more into you they have more sexual desire for you because it's just not really the case especially like in really long long-term relationships I think it's okay to have like like you should you should always have like a little bit of it because that's like quite a large component of most sort of relationships but it's not everything it's definitely not like a one-to-one with like how connected you are with the partner you know a partner appreciates absolutely nothing more than open honest communication even if it's struggle to communicate if it is what counts yeah I think that there is definitely like an aspect of that and it the thing is is that with a lot of this this content it's kind of posing the sort of solutions to two relationships in a very general way which the thing is like humans are very very complex and perhaps like some of this advice might work on particularly types of people but it's not going to work on like everybody like it's not going to be true for everybody because everybody wants like different things and they all have varying personality traits and ideals when they're what they look for in a partner and such long-term relationships require love respect compassion and shared values very true I didn't know then what I know now about masculine and feminine polarity and that phrase is what we're going to talk about in this video masculine and feminine polarity if you can understand this term you'll be able to maintain and even grow love and sexual desire when you get into a relationship now you might be watching this and thinking wait like I'm not in a relationship yet and you know I'm focused on other things that's absolutely fine but you might just want to learn these things because you never really know the next time you're going to get into a relationship and when you meet a girl who meets your standards it's the masculine and feminine polarity that we need and we need to break these concepts down masculine energy is what you should have as a man and yet it is a global problem especially in the west that most men don't have that much masculine energy most men are way more feminine than they should be masculine I think that this is one of the reasons why I sort of thought this would be a good video to talk about because it is touching on this this whole like masculinity femininity dynamic and I think that to some degree there is some truth to it like you see a lot like to do with like sexual dimorphism in terms of like physical looks you see a lot of stuff related to like particular sort of personality traits and profiles that albeit are pretty small like you know listening to both sides of the demographic like the actual noticeable differences are like very small shifts in like the normal distribution of like personality traits but a lot of the ways that they phrase or they term masculinity it's very different person to person but it's very interesting the way that they talk about what exactly masculinity is this is toxic masculinity yeah I think it really depends on the person but the way that they talk about it in this video is something that I definitely do not agree with but we'll have a look masculine energy is all about work and progress and I don't say that you might think away that seems a bit boring like just trust me when I say a masculine man always feels like he's working a masculine man always has in mind a mission an objective and a goal always you can see like those guys who you've heard of who work for 16 hours a day those are like ultra-ultra masculine men and the thing is masculine energy does not actually have to mean that he's like you know some big like Andrew Tate Jacked wealthy kind of thing it just means the energy that he has inside of him so sometimes you can see a guy with pure masculine energy who doesn't even look that masculine who doesn't have muscle who doesn't talk with like a deep voice or anything some guys have pure masculine energy and you can tell just because they literally just work all day it's like that's what their focus is on I think it's confusing masculinity with conscientiousness honestly like um it's it's not kind of one-to-one I think there have been some studies particularly about like testosterone and sort of internal drive and and such like that but to say that it's that masculine energy is all about work is a very narrow minded thing to do I mean we can talk all about sort of the the whole you know whether whether this this whole sort of masculinity feminine femininity dynamic is is a good thing or is actually there um but if we were I think like in general like that there is a there is a pretty large part there about like caring for people you know provide yeah as you said providing and protecting um but I think what one of the ways that people fall down into into a pretty dark space is when they only try and emulate this this idea of masculinity that these people put across like they don't necessarily the the way that they put it across is so unrealistic and it pretty much disregards like a a pretty large amount of like what it means to be human being like the emotional stuff that you know you you'll come across quite a few people saying like you know you have to not show any emotion and if you cry in front of other people it means that you're weak and things such of that which is just complete nonsense that's not how it works at all um in fact when I was in my early 20s I used to watch a lot of videos of my dating relationships and like how to to be like a better man and if whenever I sort of put on put on that mask and I tried to be like this kind of wholly masculine person it never it never did me any favors it never helped me with friends it never helped me with romantic relationships in fact when I was more myself more open and vulnerable and I found people who value that in a partner that that was good you know I love the emojis the notion of manhunt has become skewed a lot of is isn't a lot of it is in the media a lot of it is society large man woman everyone's human then has emotions 100% yeah and if I think like if you are to characterize this this whole stuff is like characterize masculinity in such a way I think it needs to be a bit more realistic like like the way the way that they put it put it across this kind of hard working person who only has goals and never feels or expresses emotions that's not being a masculine person that's just like being slightly psychopathic you know you just don't have the the the emotions to it you just mindlessly work and you're trying to achieve goals like for you know it's it's it's it's more along the lines of psychopathy rather than being like a masculine human being like and when it comes to like external factors of whether someone is a more masculine person it really doesn't like all you have to do is go go to like an MMA gym go to any place where there is like combat athletes I mean even look at some of like the world's best like Muay Thai athletes then they are very hard workers and they're very sort of fearsome fighters but they're not this kind of like stoic unfeeling kind of always goal-driven people like they're pretty grounded down to earth funny you know pretty some sometimes in touch with their feminine side it's just a really wrong characterization that can it's very easily dismissed just by going out there and experiencing and being part of social groups I was just thinking about this topic today interesting how am I today not too bad I'm still not not doing the best in terms of sort of setting my schedule up the mental health is still in the backgrounds impact to me very really but making some progress with getting back to things properly so yeah it's been not too not too bad had finally became a sneak affiliate which I'm really happy and excited about because I absolutely love the stuff and yeah I mean it seems to be going up in a positive direction I've actually got a presentation next week I'm going to be traveling down and delivering a presentation to a think like a health care NHS kind of workplace I think at the moment there's about 100 people who are attending so I think it's going to be the last one that I do this year because I'm wanting to focus a bit more on my online content but yeah it's exciting you know be nice to sort of get out get out of hierarchy and and sort of do some work out in the field as it be that's like it just gives them enjoyment they would think to themselves like yeah well what else would I do you might not be purely 100% masculine I'm certainly not but I found that as I've went from maybe about 40% masculine like out there was big point when I was way more feminine than I was masculine to now maybe I'm around 90% masculine I wake up and literally through the entire day more than 90% of the day I'm literally just thinking about work I'm working right now whilst recording this video I'm doing double work by live streaming whilst I like even like one hit of work isn't enough for me anymore it's almost like a drug for me it's like one hit of work isn't enough I've got to like double the fucking drug doses and live stream myself recording videos and I'm doing like two tasks at once like that's the level once you become really masculine and you get this from literally just starting to like care more about work and also I'll explain there's a one secret technique that will skyrocket how masculine you are when you become more masculine you focus more on work and you focus more on like this mission and you care more about work and goals and you'll realize that this is so deeply attractive to women because you've watched those videos before they talk about how to attract women through text and everything what's like the number one technique that they always say it's to not reply that fast isn't it why do you think that's attractive to girls because girls aren't really attracted to the guy no one likes it no it doesn't it only works on people who are very who who already like you a lot and are also willing to put up with it it's not it's not a this like this advice the whole texting stuff it only like it's it's something that is talks about on like both sides of this kind of heterosexual sort of dating dynamic stuff like honestly like it's it's it's a really not good thing like I think there's there's a difference between like just just being nice and and like texting people that you're interested in when you have the opportunity to like during the evenings or when you when you have the time to text people back and like just talking to someone all the time throughout the day 100% of the time like there's a difference between that like you don't need to be setting some time to like ignore people to like show that you are like higher value or anything like that because most people just don't think like that and they really do think like that I'm more likely to play these these kind of mind games like it's just really not a good way of going about it is more to life than overworking it doesn't attract me yeah I think it's like passion I think in any human being even even for me when I'm looking for a partner I think someone who is passionate about some side of life like that's a good thing like it gives people sort of elements of of interest it makes someone a unique and sort of interesting person and it gives you a better idea of what that person values you know it is it is attractive that someone's someone's a high hard worker but not if it's like it's not like a one-to-one relationship of the more hard work that you do and that you don't text and have time for other people that the more the more that that's going to help you in your dating life it's just not like that it's just like just have like a job have have like a couple a hobby or two you good like just don't think about it too much the right people are gonna are gonna find you and like you and spend time with you the people that you don't want they're not they're not gonna give you the time of a day anyway so it's this is very heresy or normative 100% brod I hate an act fake people or a turn off yeah well it's that whole like fake it to your make it mentality and I think a lot of gurus and masculinity people online tend to to highlight that as a way to get into it which I think is uh obviously it's not working to him yeah workaholics are attractive there there needs to be balanced but drive as well 100% yeah it's just basically just have something to do in your life be passionate about and like care about something and you good you get you don't need to go any further than that you don't need to work yourself into the ground so that you you have very very little time to talk to people that's not that's not how how you go about doing that really I'm with friends too yeah it's an avoidance tactic yeah it's not good it's like you want you want to be balanced with it you're right because you see a lot of stuff out there on like love attachment styles it doesn't have to be just like related to relationships but people can be like anxious at anxiously attached where they do just want to talk to that person 24 seven just constantly they're like blowing up the phone all the time getting really nervous when they're not not replying for like large amounts of time and like getting really upset at them and angry you know that's not good it's not good to be like that but going to like the other side of the spectrum and being avoidant and just like ignoring people for large spans of time just because you don't want to get close to someone that's not that's not a way to way to go either like the antidote is not to go the opposite side of the spectrum you know social media is only enable people to be more fake hiding behind besides an unedited and edited versions of themselves for validation for your likes and following yeah she thinks you're busy women are attracted to busy masculine men who are focused on work if you set the goal to become more masculine and start to learn more about it and I'll have like a full guide to masculinity pop up I did this full one hour guide you can go and watch that right now when you become more masculine you don't need to play these games you don't need to act like you're busy on text because you are you don't need to spend all day with her because quite frankly you don't want to and I know that seems really offensive what you don't want to spend all day with your girlfriend no how do you feel when I just said that are you listening to this right now thinking wait wait what no he's going to be like oh I can't wait to spend all day with my girlfriend that's fine if that's your desire by the way that's absolutely fine maybe not like every day of every week all the time but I'm sure you can like spend a day with your girlfriend like during during the weekends or something you know my god absolutely fine but if you want to become masculine the fact that you have this desire shows that you are full of feminine energy that's been implanted to you from this conditioning that you've had from your parents from like the Hollywood movies that you see of the guy who's obsessed over the girl you've been conditioned to think that the way to like build love and sexual desire is to be her best friend and to spend loads and loads of time like all the time possible together to like do everything together you've been conditioned that that's the thing to build a good relationship and yet that's exactly why relationships end use common sense for this question through the lockdown of covid you know 2020 2021 imagine all of the couples who are in relationships living together what do you think happened to their relationships just use common sense here just broadly what would have happened to the relationships of the couples who are living together through the covid lockdown on average they would have gotten worse and a lot of them would have broken up and a lot of them would have lost sexual attraction to each other wouldn't they that's kind of like a common sense thing that is common sense isn't it a lot of like my relationship did but a lot of people's relationships got worse over the lockdown because we're all stuck in together because we spend too much time together when a man has too much feminine energy i think i think with anybody if you spend like if you spend like loads and loads of time with somebody you're like on top of basically just on top of each other like 24 seven not literally just just generally like um you know obviously that's going to get a bit tiresome after a while like people need their space apart from each other but i don't think that's that's a way to to like justify this as being like spending time with your partner being not a good thing like you want you want to be able to be friends with your partner like you're basically like trying to build a life together for met will for most people um and saying that like wanting to be around them and and spend time with them and connect with them is a feminine trait again it's like it's completely wrong like it's it's not a feminine trait it's a human trait to want to spend time with people that you like and that you care about you know oh my he thinks shame and trauma is feminine as soon yeah my relationship was great and got better during lockdown because we love each other yeah i mean it's i could i could understand for some people if like the relationship wasn't going well anyway and they were spending even more time with each other than things probably get worse but i don't think it like i think there's a lot more factors to play there like you just can't do as much you're probably a lot more frustrated than usual because you can't go out and see friends and do all the things that you'd usually do you kind of stuck inside isolated like it's going to make anyone feel like worse you know what does he mean by feminine energy it's like um pretty much pretty much everything that they think is bad for men is classified as feminine energy like oh my god hi leila nice to see you our relationships are different yeah 100% like i don't i don't want like it even in the characterization of this this whole masculine femininity sort of polarity thing i don't find people who don't have a sense of drive and like interest in things in life particularly attractive like i like people who are interested in unique and like have the right thing going for them like this whole idea of you know you you just wanting someone who wants to be like a housewife and just cleans and has a lot has a lot of that going on and not really much else it's not really like it's not interesting to me you know genuinely because i've been i've been with people who are like that and it's just it's just got very stale and boring like i want to hear about what their days like and what they've been up to and what they're excited about and what they're working on like you know tomah switch right tomah switch attachment style if you do identify with if any um when i was younger i used to have a really really anxious attachment style like super anxious attachment style it was really really bad i used to get upset like 24-7 i mean to be honest my first long-term relationship probably lasted about three or four years from the age of 14 so i was very young and obviously autistic which is another factor to consider that um but as i got older i think um i've sort of moved towards i moved towards the more avoidant side of the spectrum which wasn't good and it's actually something that i'm working on at the moment to to being a little bit less avoidant um basically just trying to get somewhere in the middle you know just a healthy amount of attachment you know um that's that's why i would say that i'm i'm like at the moment you find people who refer to women as girls totally unattractive interesting i'm so glad i'm old and past it to be honest like there is a reason why this stuff is so popular at the moment and it's because a lot of people are having difficulties finding relationships you know it is it is hard like modern day dating is is tough but the remedy is not to become a workaholic and not want to spend time with the people that you love and ignore them for long lengths of time to show that you are more masculine and so you have that masculine polarity it's just not true it's like it's like a fiction it's like telling a story it's like a fictional thing because people who are like that they they're avoiding such a large part of what it means to be human i think it's not femininity versus masculinity or at least not not the way that he's describing it energy is tipped to the wrong side of the scale he becomes way more obsessive and neurotic and desperate to spend time with the person that i love he starts thinking about them he starts dreaming about them i've been feminine for most of my life so i'll tell you how this feels bro you go to sleep thinking about the girl that you're in love with you might think well it's not femininity it's just anxious attachment oh my god yeah of course you do like that that's normal isn't it if you are more masculine you go to sleep thinking about work you go to sleep literally like i spend the last like 20 minutes and i'm not trying to boast that i'm oh i'm more masculine than you that means i'm better than you or anything it's just like if you wanted to become more masculine well this is how if you don't want to become more masculine and you're fine how you are then okay fine sweet you don't need to watch this video but this is how i spend the last like half an hour of my night i don't spend it thinking about the girl or anything i spend it literally planning the work i'm gonna do tomorrow so masculine energy is literally just all about work mission goals and if that seems really sad to you right now if you're thinking like oh that's so sad like that's so boring it shows where you are and you might be thinking okay well it does show where i am and yeah so i'm not masculine and like i don't want to be masculine anyway because that seems boring and you might think okay well yeah work is boring maybe that's just because your work is boring maybe you just it's not it's not even about that because i i do have a tendency of i'm a very very conscientious person i have a tendency of overworking myself quite a bit like it's not healthy it doesn't it doesn't lead it leads to you burning out in the long term if you were to spend every every waking hour working and when you're resting you're thinking about work that's not that's not a sign that you are growing as a person that's a sign that you have some form of like addiction to working like it's not good if you always had to prove your masculinity that shows insecurity which isn't attractive confidence is attractive yeah i mean as i said like i think when people can see that you're you're genuine and that you're not taking yourself too seriously i think that's good you know you don't you don't want to be too too serious about things like or yourself and whether you are appearing masculine to your your partner you're just going to drive yourself insane because even if you were to reach that ideal and even if that person did want that ideal that you're looking to it's just not sustainable in the long term it's probably why why this this guy you know i think i think he from what i know of him before he used to be kind of like this this kind of player mentality person where he just went about to loads of clubs and hooked up with loads of people and stuff well that's what he said i don't know if that's completely true but that's what he talked about and probably the reason why he hasn't found someone now that he's trying to like settle down and find someone good is because he's still in that sphere like he's not willing to take a step back and not sort of be reasonable about what you know so at some point if you're trying to act to the and portray this like adonis character it's not going to be consistent like you're a human being unless unless you just don't have any emotional impud at all and no desire to express that you're just going to you're just going to fail in the long term yeah he was filled by that hmm a daydream about a future with someone who i've only been speaking to it today i must be super feminine yeah i think it i think it's something i don't think it's like this whole masculine family dynamic i think it's just when when you younger you don't you don't have as much oh you haven't had as much experience with dating relationships things seem a bit more exciting and you start thinking about all what happens and that's not femininity you know that's that's just that's just being excited excitable and perhaps thinking too much about the future and perhaps being a bit more anxiously attached than you should be you know you got you got to approach it with some level of boundaries you know you got to still focus on your dreams and goals but spending time with people that you enjoy and especially if you're in a long-term relationship it's important you know because like what what else is that person there for never to spare other than to spend their life with you i mean i'd like that you know you just haven't found work that you really like find fulfilling yet there was one particular phrase like sentence that i read in a book which changed it all for me because i thought once i was like no but i don't want to be these guys who work all day that seems boring why would i want to be masculine anyway okay it seems normal but it's like i like thinking about the girl i like cuddling i like spending time with girls there was one sentence in this book that said that if you are not a masculine man you will never experience having like a little bit of like a fight or an argument with your girl and then dropping down passionately making love on the floor i'll say this again if you're not a masculine man you will never have such sexual tension in your relationships that you'll get into like this kind of like heated arguments with your girl you'll end up fighting like almost like fighting what book is he reading what the hell like that's i'm pretty sure that that is one of the the things that happens in like really toxic relationships like if i'm not mistaken you know i don't i don't particularly understand or relate to that to that experience to be honest myself like usually when i'm upset at somebody it's not on my mind that you know like it's building up some kind of tension in that way so you basically you want to become so polarizing and masculine and unfeeling and caring and you want to work all the time so that you'll you have arguments or confrontations with your partner and then you somehow develop some kind of sexual polarity and that's what happens it's insanity that would make me feel really upset and i would say yeah that's not that's not an ideal situation if you're not arguing every now and again you're not talking i think there's a difference between arguing and talking you know if you're having like a shouting match constantly with your partner i don't think that's a good thing i think if you can if you can sit down with your partner and address things or issues in the relationship in a calm sort of mature way i think that's a good thing you definitely don't want to be avoiding stuff but that this ideal of wanting to have an argument to that this is something that needs yeah make up make up into me's intimacy is cool but not the same never experience that myself i don't like that i never i never feel that way if i'm upset with somebody there i think there needs to be an argument to express emotions and communicate exactly yeah well i i mean like in this is one saying like in in my conceptualization of arguing that's the the shot the shouting yeah respectful arguing i think it's just like what what you would conceptualize is that but um okay maybe yeah maybe like the definition of arguing yeah i can understand that it's bended i like yours sunny like the new emojis no i i i don't tend to to shout i don't tend to like get like openly confrontational and aggressive with people that i care about i know it's not really something that a lot of people experience but um i don't really show much like i don't really shout at people i prefer to talk and i do disagree with people and like disagreements are obviously like important because they're gonna happen and you've got to learn how to to deal with them and navigate around them but having a shouting match getting like aggressive and confrontational with each other i don't i don't like the idea of that you like my heart yeah it's a sneak getting sneaked up fighting fighting and end up literally stop fucking immediately i read this sentence and i honestly made me feel a little bit insecure because it's such a specific thing and i was like fuck like it's kind of true you're way more feminine and you're not that masculine you don't have this polarity with the girl that you're dating now polarity is a very important word that i need to explain to you polarity means more of like a push to the extremes so if we pretend 100 masculine is over here and 100 feminine is over here being polarized means that you are on these extreme ends being depolarized means that you're closer to the middle you're less masculine she's less feminine what does this sound like a modern day relationship most guys are way less masculine way more feminine than they should be most women are way less feminine than they should be so most people are right here like in the middle sometimes it's even like this honestly like i've had a relationship like this before but for most people it's about here this is called depolarization and this is the state where the couple can be friends because they're so depolarized the guy's not that masculine the woman's not that feminine and then they're like best friends because this is the friend zone but not so much in like you know he got friend zone but this is literally like the friend zone where like you can be friends with your partner and you might think that sounds nice but like when you're friends with your partner you will not have like this sexual like feist you will not feel like a fucking animal around her you will not ravage her and if those things are fine if you're absolutely so secure in yourself that you don't care about having like a great sex life and you don't care about being like the guy who's ravaged her the most in her life then okay stay there but if there's something inside of you some people can say it's inter ravaging oh my god what is this what is this where's where's cherries where have you gone cherries what do you have to say about this because i know that you you do a lot of work in that kind of area of things yeah he's pretty polarized no thanks to all of this i don't want five seconds of ravaging my god uh it's just like this this idea this kind of story but kind of fictional idea whatever i just turned into sorry tommy or watching a video from from hamza about relationships oh my god i think this crazy man child needs needs to learn consent well i'm not really saying i'm not gonna jump out and say that he's not doing that but like the way that he's framing this stuff is like a bit weird you know well yeah what happens when you force two magnets together they don't get along yeah i mean there is there is something to be said about like polarity and relationships because i have come across like people who um or had been with people in the past who've been quite like wanting to take charge and then being assertive and stuff and i haven't particularly found that like be attractive myself like i quite like to be like the sort of leader in well not leader but like the rock in the relationship it's it's whether it's like friendships familial relationships romantic relationships i'm usually more of the rock kind of person um but that doesn't mean that i don't feel anything it's more that i'm usually quite sort of emotionally stable i i suppose so i can sort of support people who are who are struggling sort of give advice and stuff but um yeah it's just it's it's so far removed from reality this kind of perspective i mean maybe this this this type of advice might work for like short term sort of passionate sort of relationships but man a long time if you're with someone for like upwards of 10 years like the try and keep that up it's just incredibly really unrealistic but you know it's a massive massive and across the board like self-control what does the rock mean um translation thomas i hate it uh no that's not what i'm saying daniel i think to be honest i think like that stuff can be separated out from like internal sort of um relationship dynamics too i don't think it's always like one to one either yeah i'm definitely not like the the submissive type of person like when it comes to sort of dynamics like um within relationships it's not for me but um so i i don't know it's kind of like this this whole thing but i i think the issue that i have is less about this whole masculinity femininity sort of polarizing thing and more about the way that he's characterizing each each side of it you know i don't think it's right i think it's a bit unrealistic and fictional and it doesn't take into account people's humanity you know and it's not it's definitely not whether you wear card or not i know some pretty sort of masculine presenting dudes who you know what what they look forward to is the weekends sort of you know um the football game or spending time with their buddies going for drinks or like going to the the gym doing doing boxing something like that you know it's not always about about work don't all relationships have a bit of push and pull and that's what generates attraction it's always if it's always one note then it gets a bit boring do you prefer stability though yeah i mean you've definitely got it you've got to have chemistry with with a person but i think as i said like i think it's just more about like what how this polarity is being described i don't think it's like that would you like not like a partner who challenges you and of course like it's it's again like it's it's it's more of a grounded thing like in general i have like a plan of what i need to do sort of during the day what i want to do and you know i kind of whether it's i work around and sort of cooperate with each of our schedules or the other person cooperates into my schedule then i'm good but usually i just yeah it's extremely stereotypes i'm not saying that it doesn't exist that's definitely not what i'm saying but i think like the way that they're characterizing it is is a bit fictional to be honest i'm both them and mask in the house trying to think of a way that i can i can explain it i don't know it just it very much like the way that he's he's talking about it it does kind of bring up this call whole like dominance submissive kind of that's kind of feels the way that he's talking about it maybe i don't know i need to think about it a bit more insecurity i don't know what it is for me it was just this desire to think like bro like i want to be like a fucking animal around her when you go like this it creates like this fucking primal urge where you can't help but like want to have sex with your girl every 10 minutes every 10 minutes where you go like this and you become more masculine and she's becomes really feminine it creates like this huge huge constant sexual tension and there's like burning passionate love for each other does that last sentence that i just said does that define most couples these days most couples these days are so like mature in the sense of like they're just like two man and woman but they're just like friends and they're just like normal people next to each other most couples are buddies and again if that's someone's desire okay fine fair enough it wasn't mine how do you build love and sexual desire in a relationship bro the only thing that you can do is just become way more masculine now we want and i hope our girl will be very feminine what i've actually realized you know when you look around the thing is you almost never meet any actually feminine women these days but what i found is that when you are a very masculine man and you're also very like confident about yourself and you're successful and everything and you have a certain kind of personality which is quite dominant the more masculine you are you start to push women to the feminine side so for example i meet a woman this has happened for like the last two years but when there's a girl that i'm about to date she's you know a bit more normal depolarized a bit more like masculine than you know she naturally would be because of like you know her sort of masculine friends her masculine mother or something and yet when she's fallen in love with me by just being in love with a masculine man she starts to get pushed out polarized to the feminine side and likewise you know i said that there's one fast tip to become masculine like faster than any other way well when you date a feminine woman really really feminine woman who's totally focused on you femininity is all about like being focused on love when she's totally focused on love and not like her career well then you become more masculine you see we need this polarity and this is the thing that not only maintains what grows a love and sexual desire is this polarity this difference the fact that we are not equal we are not the same that's so like barbaric to say these days that yes me and my girl are not the same we're not we're so different we're not the same and honestly like you might think it's crazy like we've even had the talk but bro we're not even equals it's like i'm better than her in so many ways and she's better than me in so many ways to say that we're equal like what the fuck's the point in that if we were equals if we were so sit oh oh my god we're like best friends we're so similar what's the point we're almost nothing alike like yeah we've got few interests we like reading books and stuff okay i can agree with the fact of like having some difference between the two of you like i yeah i i guess so maybe just to some extent but it doesn't always have to be posed as just like masculine femininity thing it could be like one person is more extroverted than the other person one person likes doing other things the other person likes doing other things i think there's there's something to be said for that but like i don't know it just seems to be that this i know this video is talking about like sexual desire and things of that nature but i think that the issue is is that that's an aspect of the whole picture it's not the entire picture like it's not just about sex it's it's like a lot more it's a lot more than that like it's like connection it's like working with each other you know differences can be can be as simple as different interests yeah i mean some people like to to be with people who are like very very similar to them and that's cool for me it's not it's not really like that i don't really need to be finding like an autistic person who's like an ambivert who's has all the same sort of philosophical political things as me who is also autistic and like likes coffee dark things and all of that like it's not really it's not really about that it's just like whether both of you have an interest in each other and that there is some kind of like romantic or physical attraction to each other sometimes it's not even that like if you're asexual you know what does he have to say about asexual people like well then what what is left there you know just pretty much everything else other than sex like i need a nice cup of tea back in a minute where is jaycey angela says i've been in a marriage for 14 years it has led me some very hard and painful lessons i gave up on love because my trust was gone and scared to get hurt again he's very keen on sex as that's all it is yeah yeah i think so and i think that sometimes especially for like the younger generation that hits hits quite close to home because i think a lot of guys just from you know just from like talking to other dudes and seeing like what goes on on the internet like a lot of men are very painfully insecure about their sex life or like you know some people they can't they haven't had haven't had it very much some people are like really concerned that they're not going to be like the very very best at it and that they don't have enough experience and you know i can imagine that those people watching this video would probably be quite like i guess in get very very much inspired to like become this masculine person so that they can be better at it you know neglecting to remember that it's like it's it's a skill to some degree like it's not it's an aspect of the relationship but it's not everything you know yeah it's different it's an aspect 100% but it's not everything the guys that don't show affection engage in cuddling or foreplay and are not only missing out they are not pleasing their partner you're kind of asexual yeah yeah me me too to be honest like it's not really like something that's on my mind a lot even it's kind of it's it's it's nice but like it's not like it's it's not like um the reason for getting into a relationship that's for sure like the only thing like the central part of why you should change your entire identity as to to have more of that you know it's a bit weird well auntine says i was actually thinking that i'm an i'm a sexual man an asexual man whenever masculinity is mentioned there seems to be this aura have sex and be strong aspects of that yeah yeah exactly you're demisexual as it says weirdly i didn't have any trust issues with my current parlor in front of the beginning i felt safe and comfortable with them never had those feelings before it was very overwhelming and confusing yeah and that that's an aspect which is not is not covered in this this video like i think that's probably even more important than this kind of like sexual polarity that you're talking about like and the thing is not not everybody wants that and you don't have to want that to be a man or you know that this the the the the way that you progress as a human being does not have to be in the image of someone else on the internet telling you what you need to be like like just be yourself like find your own values like obviously like improve your confidence in your in yourself and i think that's that's something that kind of comes with time you know but and and so listening to yourself and making deals with yourself and keeping those deals but you know you don't necessarily have to be this person to have a good sex life to have a good partner that's that's not that's just not true pushing is difficult yes how you get the naked gun style with a giant body come i think it's actually um affection is more important yeah i agree with you hezbollah 100% okay we like self-improvement yeah there's a few interests but it's like we're almost nothing alike with our personalities i'm sat here i've literally been double working while recording videos and live streaming at the same time for three hours i've been working focus on this i've had literally like one small thought about my girl i guess what the thought was if it was for me to turn to this laptop right now which i'm live streaming to look into the camera and say baby can you bring my charger why she's in the other room thinking about me there's nothing to be said i cannot say anything hey if she's a feminine woman she's thinking about you that's why we need each other that's why we're in love that's why there's gonna be like this polarity with your sexual energy so this is exactly what you do you want to build you want to i think we think that dynamic that energy that is the anxious avoidance attachment style combination and it is not a good thing long term what the hell yeah that that's not masculine femininity this is anxious avoidant dynamic which is not healthy there's nothing wrong with having someone who cares for you and wants you to do well with like your streaming or like your videos or your work and stuff like there's nothing wrong with that but like to to say that the only thing that you think about with your partner is like what they can do to help you with your work like you're just not thinking about them at all that's that's there's a pretty red flag that you you know i think there's a circular argument in here somewhere yeah i don't have the patience to to find that circular argument feminine woman equals self-hating well in the way that he's talking about what femininity is yeah um but i don't think i don't think he has a good characterisation of what femininity is what's what's what is good long term then i think there's a lot of factors to it and what people want long term varies a lot from person to person you know now she's thinking about the nice guy she's going to dump dump your abs and ask for oh my god well i mean if you've if you've seen other stuff within the monastery there's like these characterizations of these two men one is like this idea of like the alpha male who's basically what hamster is talking about which is very sort of polarized masculine um basically good for like short term things you know to some people um on the other side they have this characterisation of this this beta person which is in hamster's video which is this idea of like the jeffrey like the person who is trying to talk to or characterise as as the viewer one of his regular viewers to the channel you know which is it's it's not true because like you can meet you can be a masculine man and you can also have all of the components of um you can have components of what would be considered to be femininity you can have components of what is considered to be just general human traits and things go very well it just really depends on a whole host of other factors other than sexual polarity you know like it's important to find find your partner and physically attractive to most people and want to do that with consistently like that that is definitely a strong component but for a lot of people not everybody uh it's not everything security strength and kindness resilience flexible care yeah short term things it seems like advice to to be a short term option not a long term one i don't know because there's obviously like within videos like this there is some like lines of thinking which makes sense or like some grains of truth you could say like being anxiously attached and having that mentality towards relationships is not a good idea it's kind of described in this video as being femininity but it's i don't think it's that's what femininity is like it's you know or like masculinity is just being addicted to work and just being totally into the whole coastal culture kind of business i don't think that's true you know being attracted to someone is not the same as appearance yeah yeah and you know no matter how like to this goal of masculinity you make your personality it's you know you're gonna you're gonna attract people who are who are good for you and work with you and who like you like you just you're probably better just to to be yourself and find people that like you for you and that you don't have to put a mask up you don't have to pretend for you know i've had men anxiously attached to me yeah i've had i've had that experience too it's not good um this this idea of like femininity being anxiously attaching if it if it is like in this way that is exciting it i don't think men like that i don't think men want that like it's it's not a fun thing like thank god in career guys can grab and hold hands when they're out having fun together drinking but that's considered masculine because it's just their culture exactly it's it's different from person to person this idea of like masculinity and femininity it's very much it's it's like um the whole like it's kind of like a sort of a fictional sort of representation of energies or you know it's it's not this stable concept that people talk about it as you want to maintain love and especially sexual desire become as masculine as you can become as focused on this like mission on this like leadership this guidance that full guide to masculinity will be like a card and i'll have it under the description and stuff you can go and watch that and try and learn from that one thing i'll give you a tip though i've really messed up with this become more masculine and masculinity is all about working everything you'll be focused on the work in the project i've really messed up and i've made a mistake here become more masculine focus on the work but also remember that your woman needs to be topped up with love and appreciation and focus very recently for the first time in my life i've been too focused on work to the detriment of like her feelings and so i've almost neglected her to an extent that like she felt sad about it and even though that's a bad thing and a mistake that i'm gonna overcome it's a kind of a nice problem to have i'm so masculine and so focused on work that i've neglected her a little bit so i just need to like pull back a little bit why is that a nice mistake to have well think about the opposite side think about if you're so feminine if you're not focused on work at all that you're too needy and clingy on her which one is she going to be more attracted to the guy who she's really hoping like oh come on can you not just spend her day with me i really want to spend more time with you or the guy where she's thinking like oh come on can you not just go away i really just want one day without you which one so it's a okay problem to have but i definitely went too far so as you go about this pursuit of being more masculine and being way more focused on work and just being more of like this dominant guy which you know you've learned from all of my videos so far from self-improvement and your masculinity just remember that like she needs some direct time so when you go i just absolutely love that this is like this is the ending note basically try and be as masculine as possible basically is where congregate and avoidant as possible but also if you if you do get to this point where you're too masculine it's going to affect your relationship well yeah twit sounds like he's describing a pet or a car how about you just like give care and an affection to your partner when you you have the free time to do so and when you want to and not try and spend all of your time working and then when you're at work obviously you're not you're not with them so you don't spend as much time with them it's really simple isn't it like just don't be anxiously attached like don't be avoidant it's not all about this masculinity thing it's really a wrong way of characterizing this just have a healthy attachment style to your partner and try and maintain some level of romance or you know try and spark up and flirt with each other to maintain sort of sexual attraction it's really not not that hard like in terms of explaining it it i mean in practice over the long term it can obviously prop up some some difficulties but that's just part and part of having any type of relationship with somebody but i just love that he's like going back on what he was talking about he's talking about being this masculine person but also if you become this masculine person your partner's going to complain that you're too avoidant like wait a minute i thought us all two six men to be clueless about relationships yeah yeah free time when you want to exactly yeah just don't worry too much have stuff going in your life have work to go to and work to do or like a hobby or an interest to do and then when you've both got free time then you spend it with each other you know you don't need to like view it as you got to work all the time but then when they start complaining you top them up with emotional connection and time and intimacy now you say why is there um i don't think i'm like i wouldn't i wouldn't say that i'm like the the the the signing factor on like relationship and dating advice but i have had a lot of experience with it in my time and um i've done a lot of reading and i've done a lot of sort of diving into psychology and you know things of that nature so i think overall the experience and the knowledge that i've gained has been quite helpful um it's just this stuff this stuff online this whole like masculinity kind of manners for this stuff it's just so like so far out there in the fictional should be a relationship coach thomas thank you let's finish up this video i've got just under a minute left you go and spend time with her like we saw with adonis and you know he's working on his business and everything when you go and spend time with her make sure it's like total quality time after i record this video i'm going to walk in there and start like playing around like you know play fighting with her and you know for the last like few hours her sort of like love tank like love whatever like you know tank or battery or something has went down whilst i've been focusing on this i'm gonna go in there start like pretending to like kick her or something we'll start kissing and stuff and i'll go back up again maintaining and growing her attraction and her sexual interest in you it's literally all just about keeping that tank up and it goes up from the kind of masculine attraction that she actually desires i hope that helps you bro click on watch this video right now do the hard work especially when you don't feel like it okay it's going on again auto playing oh dear yeah it's a bit strange isn't that really weird way of like sort of posing relationships i wonder if he did he has done some research i imagine he has come across attachments attachment styles but that feels like what he was talking about you know but it was kind of underpinned with this this whole like masculinity stuff and you know what he thinks that a masculine man should be like beyond relationships in order to make relationships better but i think if really if it was just a video which was on attachment styles i think it would probably be a bit better you don't really need to draw in all of these other factors for it to be like worthwhile information on relationships that's how he does his videos interesting