 J-E-S-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with I Love to Whistle from Mad About Music. All of us are running a race with a clock, a hundred things to do and so few hours in which to do them. Well here's one good way to save time and save money too and that's to serve Jell-O often. For Jell-O is delightfully simple to prepare. It takes only a moment to dissolve and it's quick setting. You can put a mold of Jell-O in the refrigerator before you go out shopping in the morning and take out a delicious dessert at lunchtime. And a Jell-O is one of the most inexpensive desserts you can serve for a package costs only a few cents. No matter which flavor you choose, you can be sure of an easy, economical and detractive dessert every time. For Jell-O brings you that delicious extra rich fruit flavor that rivals the fresh fruit itself. So be sure to insist on genuine Jell-O when you buy and buy it often, serve it often. For Jell-O is a grand dessert. That was I Love to Whistle played by Phil Harris in his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you... Hold it a minute, Don. How about letting me introduce myself tonight just for a change? You know, something different. Oh, sure, Jack. But what's the idea? Well, Don, every week you always say some ridiculous thing that starts me off with a handicap. Now, I think there ought to be a little more dignity to these introductions. Oh, all right, Jack. All right, you take it. That was I Love to Whistle played by Phil Harris in his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you one of the sweetest guys in the world. That sparkling personality and all-around good fella, Jack Bennett. Thanks, Jack. It's all right, kid. You deserve it. You see, Don, an introduction like that gives me the right kind of a build-up so that I can carry on with a feeling of confidence. Yes, but Jack, I could have introduced you the same way. I know, Don, but I sound more sincere. You know, it rings true. Yes, but it also sounds a little egotistical, doesn't it? Oh, I don't know. I think Don's right, Jack. It sounded pretty conceited to me. You don't say, Phil. Yes, bragging like that isn't very bad taste. Now, if my orchestra just finished the number, I personally would never turn around and say it was great. No, Phil, neither would anyone else. With that gang of cadenza butchers, you ought to be glad to be working at all. Listen, Jack, it's your own fault. When I was hired for this job, you said you wanted me and 17 men. You didn't specify musicians. I know, Phil, but you told me you were a leader of a band. Well, so was Robin Hood, but he didn't have to worry about music. Anyway, it's a fine bunch of boys you've got. I accidentally dropped my cigar a few minutes ago, and I had to fight off your whole orchestra to get it back. Well, they thought you were through with it. I nearly killed that for you, didn't I? Oh, well. And incidentally, now that we're discussing my job, I'm getting pretty tired of matching you double or nothing for my salary every week. Don't blame me, Phil, if you're unlucky matching coins. Well, it's been going on for eight weeks. There's something funny about it. Oh, no, there isn't. You stand just as much chance as I do, so let's forget it. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. What's the trouble now? Oh, the same thing. Phil's beefing as usual. I never saw such a guy. Ain't it the truth? Yeah. Say, Jack. What is it? It's the dollar of yours. What half dollar? You know, the one with the two heads on it. Mary. Oh, I get it. A crooked half dollar. All right, wise guy, you cheated me out of eight weeks' salary. Now listen, Phil, don't get hasty. Why, you... Now, wait a minute. This may sound fishy, but if you want to know something, I've been saving that money for you. Jack's building a new house, too. Quiet. Of course I'm building a house, but it's my own money. I'll see it. I've got two beautiful coconut palm trees right in front, and it's all mine, not Phil's. Just the same. I'll bet the coconuts have wavy hair. Now, you're just trying to be funny. Well, that's fine. The house that my Jack built. Now, wait a minute, Phil. Yeah, I didn't know that was going to get that you laugh there. Now, Phil, look, let me ask you something. You've known me a long time, haven't you? Yes, I have, Jack. Well, do you think for one minute I would ever stoop as low as to cheat you out of your hard-earned money? Definitely. Now, that's gratitude for you. Gratitude? Why should you want to save my money for me? Because you're always throwing it away. What are you going to have when you get old? Rheumatism, the same as you. The smart answer, Phil, but I haven't got rheumatism. Gee, do you always groan when you walk? Listen, Mary, the only time you ever heard me groan was yesterday when I had my shoes on the wrong feet. Well, how'd you happen to do that, Jack? Oh, I don't know. I must have had my legs crossed when I put them on. Not meaning to change the subject, Jack, but what about that dough you owe me? Well, Phil, I don't want to have to prove my honesty, but as long as you're so suspicious, here's a bank book with your name on it. Here, take it and keep it. It's the last time I'll ever try to help anybody. Gee, how did I know you owe me that? Oh, don't apologize. Go ahead and play a number. We'll forget about it. Okay. Can you imagine that, Mary? That's appreciation for you. Well, Jack, let me ask you something. Do you save your money? Yes, I do. Save it. Jack even carries it around with him. Oh, Mary, I do not. Then what's that big lump in your sock? That's my long underwear. Well, it's got Lincoln's picture on it. The fine thing, Mary, giving away my hiding place. Now I'll have to get a burglar alarm for my garter. Why don't you keep your money in the bank? Because it's none of your business. See, I've had just about enough from you, Mary Livingston, of all the meddling, busy bodies. Oh, Jack, Jack, please, remember, this is my anniversary. That was last week. Play, Phil. No wonder I'm not an sanitary. See, Doodle played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as we have a long play tonight, without further ado... Say, Jack, I was just looking over this bank book. Are you sure there's eight weeks' salary here? Yes, there is. Well, one deposit is 15 cents short. All right, so I had an ice cream soda. It doesn't hurt you to treat your business manager once in a while. Here, here's your 15 cents. Oh, that's all right. I just thought I'd mention it. Oh, no, no. Here's your 15 cents. Take it. No, Jack, you keep it. Nothing to do, Phil. Here, take it. Don't be silly. Keep it. Jack's gonna win, folk. Stay out of this, Mary. You caused enough trouble for one night. Oh, Jack, look at Kenny over there. I wonder what's the matter with you? Where? Oh, hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack. What's wrong? Oh, nothing. Well, don't stand there like a pallbearer. What's the matter with you? Well, last Thursday night they gave out the Academy Award for the best movie actor, and I didn't get it. No, there's a shock. Who did get the award, Kenny? Oh, some guy named Tracy. Tracy? Well, that's Spencer Tracy, and he deserves it. You've only been in pictures a short time, Kenny. What do you expect? Well... Well, I've been in pictures for years. I didn't win the award. You couldn't win it when it was on a punch board. I'm not talking to you. Anyway, Kenny, don't worry about it. Your time will come. It better. You know, I'm the one who should really be upset about the award. I just missed it by a hair. Gosh, I missed it by a hair last year, too. You'll have to miss it by something else pretty soon. No, I don't know. Let me tell you something, Kenny. You have to have a great dramatic part to be eligible for such a high honor. Well, what about that great scene I had in the Golden Follies? The Golden Follies? Yes, you know, that big scene in the lunch wagon where I was eating all those hamburgers. Kenny, you can't get an Academy Award for eating hamburgers. You can't? No. Well, this is a fine country. No, I don't know why I waste my time explaining anything here. You know, Jack, I always thought you did a swell job in pictures. How come you've never been honored with an Academy Award? Well, Don, there's a lot in the part you play. Now, if I'd have been cast in Captain's Courageous, like Spencer Tracy, I'd have had a good chance. You know, a story of the sea gives you a great opportunity for dramatic acting. Well, if you're so confident, why didn't you go over to MGM and try to get the part? I did try. I walked up and down in front of that studio for a month with a sailor suit on. If they can't take a hint, what can I do? You must have looked silly for aiding up and down the sailor suit. Silly, it was embarrassing. The restaurant next door thought I was picketing their navy bean soup. Oh, well, all we can do is try. We must never be discouraged. And now, folks, we... Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? I want to take this opportunity of congratulating you on winning the Academy Award. Thank you very much, but I didn't win. Gee, you ought to get a new jockey. Goodbye. That guy. He comes in here once more. I'll put sneeze powder in his bubble gum. Whatever that'll do. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction tonight, the Benny Little Theater Movement will present an original courtroom melodrama entitled Death in the Night Club, or Sally, Irene, and Murder. I thought that picture was Sally, Irene, and Mary. Don't forget, Fred Allen's in it. Now, uh... Fred wasn't listening in, I'll scream. Now, on the night of February 16th, Mr. Hamilton J. Vance, a Wall Street broker, was murdered in the Hatsi Tatsi Night Club. Mr. Vance was just about to finish his dinner when somebody served him a lead demi-task. Who killed him? I'm coming to that. A notorious gangster known as three tonsil divine. Alias Scarvoice Andy was suspected and immediately placed under arrest, but denied any connection with the crime. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. That remains to be seen, Andy, and hello. Hiya, buck. I will play the part of Fearless John Benny, a district attorney who has just sent more people up the river than the Albany Night Club. Kenny Baker will be my assistant, which is at least two strikes. And Don Wilson will be the attorney for the defense. Say, Jackie, am I going to be in this? Oh, sure, Phil. You can play the part of the orchestra leader of the Hatsi Tatsi Club. Why can't I be the victim so I can lay down? What a lazy guy. You'll be the orchestra leader and I'll get you a windshield wiper for a baton so you won't have to wave it. All right, the first number will be singing in the rain. Oh, shush. What am I going to be, Jack? Well, Mary, you're going to play a double role. First, my sweet little secretary, Millicent Livingston. Ready? Uh, would you like to sign these letters, Mr. Benny? That's very good. And second, that of a hard-boiled nightclub dancer, Gertie Lasstrip. Try that one. Lay off me a third degree and write or let you have it, say? My, you're a regular Edna G. Robinson. But, Mary, don't play it quite so tough. You know, be a little sweeter. I want something between Shirley Temple and a lady cab driver. And now, folks, for our courtroom murder drama, we'll go on immediately after Kenny Baker's song. What are you going to sing, Kenny? Sweet is a song, and I dedicate it to the women of America. All of them? Well, you little masher. Mary, help me stack up these law books when you're kid. This is heaven caressing, pressing you close to my heart. Darling, yours very few. This is heaven so near to you. I'm in love and I'm making it clear to you. Don't you please believe me when I say, Sweet has a star. Are you possessed all of war? I will always be like the queen's harmony of sweet and love. Sweet has a star. You're a lovely reprise of me. Sweet is a song sung by Kenny Baker. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Hey, wait a minute. How was that? Very good, Kenny. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Thanks. Quiet. We will present our dramatic highlight, Death in the Night Club. The scene opens in the office of the district attorney, Fearless John Benny. It is the last day of the big cry of three tonsile divine, and Benny is making last-minute preparations before entering the courtroom. Curtain may use it. Wellness Livingston, I think I'm ready. Now, let's see. Here's the gun, that's exhibit A. There's the bullet, exhibit B. What's this awful looking thing here? That's your lunch, exhibit C. There's the phone, D.A. Well, get off my lap and answer it. Okay. Hello? Yes. Yes, all right, I'll tell him. Goodbye. Who is that? Your wife. Oh, my wife, A. What does she want? He says, if you don't get rid of me, she's gonna black your exhibit I. Well, I can't worry about her. I got this trial on my mind. Have you got those notes that you took at the coroner's inquest? Yes, sir. Well, read them to me. It says that since the corpus delectae was found in a state of rigor mortis, it's a clear case of non-composementis. It's so fast, though, and too wet. Oh, too wet, A. That'll hang them. Who's there? Kenny Baker, exhibit me. Oh, come in. Well, Baker, did you get those fingerprints I sent you out for? No, but, oh, boy, have I got a clue. What'd you find out? Well, I was up at the Hotzy Totsy Club snooping around, and the head waiter came over and gave me a kick in the pants. Gave you a kick in the pants? What does that have to do with this case? Well, at least we got footprints. That's fine evidence. Well, come on, Baker. We got work to do. And in less than three hours, that jury will bring in a verdict of guilty or ma name ain't Fearless John. Peanuts, popcorns, and hot dogs can't enjoy this quiet without a hot dog. Hear ye, hear ye. This court is now in session. Judge Schlepperman presiding. Everybody rise. Hello, everybody. Sit down and be quiet, please. We will now continue with the case of the state versus the wine. Shall we proceed, gentlemen? The defense is ready, Your Honor. The state is ready, Your Honor. That's fine. Now go to your corners, gentlemen, and come out fighting. Now as my first witness, I'd like to call the orchestra leader of the Hotzy Totsy Club to the stand. Mr. Corny Harris. Swear, Mr. Harris, in. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Yeah, man. Now, Mr. Harris, how long have you and your orchestra been playing at the Hotzy Totsy Club? 12 years, but for the last six we've been wanting to leave. Well, why didn't you? We can't get the bass drum through the door. 12 years in one place, eh? What's the name of your orchestra? Corny Harris and his stationery gypsies. I see. Now listen, Corny. You and the defendant, free tonsil divine, are very, very good friends. Are you not? I object. The objection is kosher. All right, then I'll put it this way. Harris, how long have you known the defendant, free tonsil divine? I object. Kenny, you're on my side. Oh. He objects. Objection overlooked. Now answer this. How long have you known the defendant, free tonsil divine? Stop yelling or give me back my 15 cents. Oh, you're a witness, Mr. Wilson. Uh, Mr. Harris, I'd like to ask you just one question. Yes, sir? Where do you have your hair done? Pee-pee's beauty shopping. I object. Your honor, Pee-pee's beauty shop is irrelevant in material and advertising. Quiet, I'm Pee-pee. Oh, I see, a sideline. No more questions. Cow porn, peanuts and programs. Can't tell the district attorney from a crook without a program. Your honor, the state would now like to call on the dancer at the Hotsie-Totsie Club, Miss Gertie Loss Strip. Ah, now they're getting someplace. Take the stand, Miss Loss Strip. You'll swear to tell the truth, the whole truth by nothing but the truth. What do you think, big boy? I'm with a husband today. Now, Miss Loss Strip, you're a dancer at the Hotsie-Totsie Club. Is that right? Yes. Do you mind if I take off my hat? No. And on the night of the murder... Do you mind if I take off my coat? No. And on the night of the murder, you were dancing, weren't you? Do you mind if I take off my hat? Yes, I do. Please, let her alone. It's warm in here. It's a fine judge. Now, Miss Loss Strip, where do you live? At the Marseille. What's the address? 33 West 52nd Street. What's your apartment? I haven't said get to the phone number, please. All right, what's your phone number, Miss Loss Strip? Gladstone 2875. Where'd you get that number, Baker? I want it in a raffle. And now, Miss Loss Strip, tell us in your own words what happened on the night of the murder. Well, then, when a man came in with a gun and fired a shot at Mr. Van. Well, I could have died. Mr. Van said. Well, you saw the murder. How many times was Van shot? Yes, Van. Van, say? And where was he shot? In the pond. I see. Van's was shot Vance in the pond. That'll be all, Miss Loss Strip. You're a witness, Mr. Wilson. Baker. Now, Miss Loss Strip, on the night of the murder, you had dinner at the Hotsie-Totsie Club, didn't you? Yes, ma'am. And you had a dessert, didn't you? Well, I... Come clean now. What did you have for dessert? Yellow, because it's the most delicious dessert in America today. I thought so. Now, what flavor did you have? That night I had strawberry. No, no, it was raspberry. No, now, wait a minute. I think it was cherry. Are you sure it wasn't orange or lemon? No, I remember it was lime. Ha-ha! I knew you'd crack. It's lucky we haven't got a jury of sliced bananas. No more questions, Miss Loss Strip. Thank you. Goodbye, Your Honor. Goodbye, nothing. I'll see the things. And now, Your Honor, I'd like to call the defendant three tonsile divine to the stand. Swear in the defensive, please. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? No, sir, I don't. Oh, come on. No, sir! Or do it for me, will you, Andy? Oh, no, if I tell the truth, you'll hang me. Don't be silly, Andy. There's an electric chair in this state. Well, you better put rockers on it. I'm old-fashioned. I'll have to question you anyway. Now, listen, three tonsiles. You were in the Hotsie-Totsie Club on the night of the murder, weren't you? Yes, sir. I went up to see Ma. She's a chorus girl there. You're Ma, a chorus girl? Yes, Nate Hips divine. All right, then tell me this. And pull down your pants leg. That won't sway the jury. Now, tell me, you hated Hamels in advance, didn't you? No, I didn't. You were seen leaving the Hotsie-Totsie Club with a gun in your hand? So what are you stalling for? You killed Vance and you're going to fry. You're going to burn. You're going to sizzle. Gosh! You haven't got a chance to bind, so you might as well confess. You murdered Hamels and Jay Vance. I didn't do it, I tell you. I didn't do it. I can't get anywhere with this guy. I only had some new evidence. Hey, DA, DA. What is it, Baker? I was just out in the hall and I met the bartender from the Hotsie-Totsie Club. You did? Yeah, he saw everything and he wants to talk. At last our key witness. Nice work, Baker. Right this way, Mr. Nazarro. At last I'll cinch this page. Take the stand, Mr. Nazarro. Now, you're the bartender at the Hotsie-Totsie Club. Is that right? Yes, sir, I am. Then tell us exactly what you saw on the night of the murder. Well, I was mixing a scotch and soda and a shot rang out. Yes, yes. So I looked up and raised my feet and forced it to bend and went right in to get myself a stick and went outside the night. I was sitting in the water just waiting for a seat. And I saw it burn. And then he was sitting in front of the seat and I said to him, oh, it was awful. What was awful? I'm telling you, that Mr. the girl was sitting in front of the seat and he said he was sitting right in front of it but it was wrong. And then I said, wait, will you talk English? What did you see? I told you, the famous seat in front of the seat and I went back and we went right into the seat and he just said, I was sitting right in front of the seat. What? Somebody just shot the judge. Hooray, we've got a new case. Play, Phil. Bance was probably a rat anyway. There is something new under the sun and this time it's something new and delicious to eat. It's a special idea for St. Patrick's Day and the gayest dish you've seen in a long time. St. Patrick's Jello Moles. Made with shimmering green lime jello with delicious fruit inside. And here's all you have to do. Dissolve a package of lime jello in hot water and chill until slightly thickened. Then fold in two cups of diced grapefruit, half a cup of diced oranges, and half a cup of canned crushed pineapple. Chill until firm, turn out on a platter and view with pride. A beautiful sea green mold of lime jello with grapefruit, oranges, and pineapple firmly molded inside. And it's tangy taste combination that's delicious and refreshing. Because there's extra rich fruit flavor in jello, believe me, your family will go for this grand St. Patrick's Day dessert. So get ready for the 17th. Order some lime jello tomorrow. This is the last number of the 24th program in the new Jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Well, Mary, you were very good tonight. I thought you played that double role beautifully. And just for that, you're going to get two checks this week. You mean I get double calories? No, I'm just splitting it. Good night, folks. J-E-L-L-O The filmmaker appears on the J-E-L-O program for courtesy of Mervyn Leroy Productions. The tune suite is a song from Sally Irene and Mary. This is while you work this from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. This is an actual broadcasting company.