 I'm Darren Marlar and this is your Daily Dose of Weird News! A 14-year-old boy in Denmark armed with a metal detector found a crashed German aircraft on his family farm this week. The remains of the pilot were still inside. So exciting beginning of a new Indiana Jones movie or creepy ending of the life of actor-slash-pilot Harrison Ford? The U.N. reports that North Korea tried to sell nuclear material online in exchange for some quality weed or a dependable used pickup. Identical twins in New York were named their high school valedictorian and salutatorian. I can't tell you which is which, though. Radio Shack has filed for bankruptcy for the second time in two years. Yeah, I know, I'm shocked too, I mean, who knew Radio Shack was still around? Police in China detained a man for threatening to kill his ex-girlfriend and her family after he dressed as a suicide bomber by strapping himself with sausages. The suspect threatened to blow himself up along with the family outside their home unless his girlfriend came out to talk. His girlfriend saw right through him and shouted, �Go ahead, blow yourself up! Y'all know you're full of baloney!� After a German prison lost its food contract, they had no other choice in feeding their prisoners. They began using McDonald's. Can't you just hear the drive-thru window now? Yeah, I like 546 cheeseburgers, 626 fries! Radical and ethnic minorities now make up more than half the children born in the U.S., surpassing births of white children. So hey, that makes Caucasians a minority now, right? So what government program am I now qualified for? How's this for irony? Stephen Gutierrez, a Miami defense attorney, was delivering his closing arguments in an Orson case when his pants suddenly caught on fire. Gutierrez, who was ironically arguing that his client's car spontaneously combusted and was not intentionally set on fire, had been fiddling in his pocket as he was about to address jurors when smoke began billowing out of his right pocket. He rushed out of the Miami courtroom, leaving spectators stunned. Gutierrez came back later, swearing it was not a stunt and blamed a faulty battery in an e-cigarette. Officers seized several frayed e-cigarette batteries as evidence. Even if it was a stunt, it didn't work. Jurors convicted 48-year-old Claudie Charles of second-degree arson anyway. Meanwhile, Miami-Dade circuit judge Michael Hansman may decide to hold Gutierrez in contempt of court. In Greece, three guys thought they had the perfect plan for robbing a bank. They had their getaway car ready. They had their guns drawn and their masks on. What they did not count on was that this particular bank, you got to be buzzed in at the front door by bank employees, and the bank usually won't unlock the door for three guys wearing ski masks with guns drawn. So instead, the cops were called and they were all arrested. In Springfield, Missouri, 19-year-old Victoria Van Otter allegedly allowed her intoxicated boyfriend to cut her arm and drink her blood while the two were discussing vampires. But then they got into an argument and she reportedly stabbed him. Van Otter pleaded not guilty to charges of first-degree domestic assault and armed criminal action. She claims he repeatedly hit her during the argument and she finally stabbed him in the back and shoulder in self-defense. Officers responded to Van Otter's 911 call and they found the bloodied couple with a heart drawn in blood on the living room wall and, I'm sorry, scrawled in blood along with another heart on the kitchen counter. On the boyfriend's bare chest was a symbol of a cross that also appeared to be drawn in blood. Van Otter told investigators that she routinely cut herself so she could drink her own blood and believed she could become a serial killer. Her boyfriend refused to cooperate with police and insisted his knife wounds were self-inflicted. Sounds like they deserve each other. Kelly Osborn says her mom Sharon is getting surgery for a pinched nerve in her back. Strange, and I'd have thought with her family it would have been a pain in the butt. The federal judge on Wednesday dismissed a lawsuit accusing Cher of using a typeface created by a Brooklyn, New York graphic designer for her 2013 album Closer to the Truth without permission. Okay, so I'm confused, so does this mean that she did not break the law when using the typeface or just that the judge is a Cher fan? It's looking more and more like Joe Piscopo is going to make a run at Governor of New Jersey. All right, people, listen up. Just because Ronald Reagan was in show business before becoming a great politician doesn't mean all of you are capable of doing that. I'm talking to you, Joe Piscopo, Al Franken, Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Donald Trump, Ted Nugent, the late Sonny Bono, just go back to entertaining people, will you? Not only all of you are qualified to do, well, except for you, Sonny, you're obviously good where you are. Experts are saying print newspapers could one day become a luxury item. Still worth the money, though? Have you ever tried housebreaking a puppy using an iPad? A burger-flipping robot has just completed its first day on the job at Calaburger, a hamburger chain in California, replacing humans at the grill. Way to go, $15 per hour crowd. You can blame yourselves for this one. Two Wisconsin men are facing theft charges for allegedly stealing diapers. Police allege the men stole nearly 1,800 cases of diapers, valued at more than $45,000 from a charitable organization that provides goods to families in need. Okay, if your kid is pooping so much that you need to steal over 100,000 diapers, you might want to take that little rug rat to a doctor. If a Mercedes or Range Rover SUV are a bit too low-rent for your lifestyle, well, Rolls-Royce has the family hauler for you. The Rolls-Royce Cullinan is named after the famed 3,000-carat diamond and it's coming our way in 2018. The SUV will have a sticker price of $340,000. You know if it comes with a full-time driver and you deal with Los Angeles traffic, that still might be worth it. Boxer Floyd Mayweather says he will un-retire just to fight Connor McGregor. Not Connor McGregor, the fighter, mind you, is next door neighbor who just won't stop practicing his drums at all hours of the day and night. Every year we hear March Madness costs employers over a billion dollars in lost productivity. Well, that's not true. Most time management experts agree the average worker wastes roughly the same time every day on non-work activities. So if March Madness Games weren't going on, we'd be wasting that time on Facebook or watching cat videos or taking longer lunches. I'm sure that makes our employer feel so much better. Study says pot and booze are tied to lower college grades. Yeah, that topic obviously needed a study. A mother dropping off her child at Deer Park Elementary School in Deer Park, Texas last week felt another mom was speeding through the drop-off zone, so she confronted her. The second mom responded by pulling a gun on the complaining mom. While she pulled the gun, she said, back off. Gee, you know it's good to know those gun-free zone signs that the schools are working, ain't it? A robot was released into the California desert that was programmed to avoid all human contact. So obviously it is an intelligent machine. Scientists have mapped the loudest and quietest places in America. The loudest places were, not surprisingly, New York City, Los Angeles and Dallas. The quietest was any venue hosting Hillary Clinton book signings. The owners of a D.C. wine bar are suing President Trump because they feel he's taking business away from them. They're claiming his continued ownership of the Trump International Hotel is giving him an unfair and illegal advantage. Wait a minute here, is this place a wine bar or a winers bar? On Sunday, House Speaker Paul Ryan predicted there would be a bloodbath if his party doesn't unite behind his Obamacare replacement bill, even as Republican opponents to the proposal continued blasting it. So there will be a bloodbath if people don't agree with you, huh? You do realize you're in the United States, right? North Korea? Just making sure. A study says more Americans are becoming overweight and obese and are giving up on trying to lose weight. Wow, you know what I just thought of? Bacon? British Columbia is now using camera-equipped garbage trucks to film what gets dumped in order to make sure people are recycling properly. Not only will you get caught dumping a body, but you might get fined for placing it in the wrong garbage bin. Stephen Parker and his 17-year-old son Mason have been working on the family car together in their backyard. After Mason cut his hand, he went inside. After he left, his dad tried to remove a sticky axle when suddenly the car shifted and fell on top of him. Jack it up quick are the last words Stephen recalls yelling before passing out, the weight of his Toyota Prius slowly crushing him. The only person around to hear him was his 8-year-old son JT. But even though he weighs barely 50 pounds, JT jumped into action. Quite literally, he maneuvered the jack into position and started bouncing all his weight on the handle. He jumped for 15 minutes until the car was lifted, then got his brother, who called 911. A little while later, a helicopter landed in the yard and took Parker to a hospital. But all they found was 13 broken ribs, says Parker, who was back home two days later. JT, honored by the American Red Cross as one of 11 East Idaho real heroes last week, later tried to jack up the same car, but failed. Parker said he must have had help from above. In Maryland, 33-year-old Devon John Eason allegedly beat his 4-year-old son so severely he ended up in the hospital. All because the boy could not pronounce the word 4. According to court records, the boy's mother took him to a hospital on February 28 with bruises on his head, face, back, buttocks and one leg. Some of his hair had been pulled from his scalp. Eason now faces child abuse and assault charges and remains in jail without bail. The child's 6-year-old brother also told officers that he witnessed the beating. All of this because his 4-year-old son couldn't pronounce the word 4. Well, mister, I hope you go to prison. FOREVER! In Japan, a recent survey found that 37 wildlife display facilities have removed any creatures whose popular names, such as Dwarf Penguin or Blind Eel, might be considered discriminatory. Discriminatory to who? The animals? Are the animals complaining? If so, forget the whole discrimination to animals thing. You've got talking animals! O.J. Simpson could be out of prison as soon as October and on reality TV before the end of the year. Let me just say right now that if you watch that show, you are part of the problem. A recent study shows that babies sometimes fake cry just to get attention. When adults do it, it's mostly to boost ratings on a reality TV show. Down at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, one persnickety art lover was apparently so incensed about a painting being a little askew that he whacked a security guard over the head with a bottle. The New York Police Department is now searching for the guy, believed to be in his mid-20s with a long beard. It seems when the suspect approached the guard and told him a painting was crooked, the guard told him to report the problem to the information desk. Once the guard turned away, the man smashed a bottle over his head shouting, Do your job! The man who apparently cut his hand left a trail of blood as he fled the museum. The 46-year-old guard was treated for a cut on his head. Since 2007, astronomers have noticed 20 or so of these fast radio bursts or FRBs. There are at least a few scientists who believe they may actually be generated by advanced alien civilizations as a way to accelerate interstellar spacecraft to tremendous speeds. Either that or they are just really short songs. South Korea's Constitution Court ruled to uphold the impeachment of President Park Gyn High on Friday morning, making her the first democratically elected president to be removed from office in the country's history. And the American influence on the entire world continues to spread. An Alabama radio station observed International Women's Day last week by playing only songs by men on their station for the entire day. And it's just a guess, but I'm betting they dug into the archives to play witchy woman and man-eater. In Thailand, a woman organized a funeral for a lizard that she believed was possessed by her deceased 12-year-old son's spirit. Morners gathered at the woman's home for the farewell to the lizard. The woman told the newspaper, I'm so sad it's like losing my son a second time. The reptile had been adopted by the family, fed milk and yogurt, the son's favorite food. The reptile slept in the dead boy's bed. Oh, yeah, that's not creepy at all. Let the lizard people conspiracies begin! Study finds that members of the Seventh-day Adventist Church live longer than members of other religions in the U.S. and, weirdly, they live an average of seven days longer. The American Gaming Association estimates that 40 million Americans will fill out more than 70 million brackets and bet approximately $9 billion on the NCAA tournament. That's around double what was bet on the Super Bowl in the U.S. And once again, this year I'm betting big on Texas State Teachers College to get to the Final Four, because it's gotta pay off for me someday. After a half-dozen pharmacy burglaries this year, police in California decided enough was enough. The related burglaries had cough syrup in common. Each pharmacy saw its stock go missing. So cops put a small GPS device in a bottle of the liquid medicine and then waited. Sure enough, the pharmacy was hit and cops tracked the GPS device to the location of two suspects. Even worse, they didn't even have scratchy throats. That's just wrong. The restaurant customer at an eatery in Australia is accused of intentionally putting a hair in her food and then using that as an excuse not to pay. The woman also allegedly attempted to blackmail the restaurant by threatening a bad review on TripAdvisor. However, a waiter noticed the hair didn't match that of any of the employees. He said, we all have short, dark, trimmed hair and this was a strand of dirty, blond, curly hair. The woman followed through on her promise and wrote a bad review on TripAdvisor. I can imagine what she wrote there in the review, too. The security at that place is so lax that you can put all the hairs you want right on top of the food. Disgusting. In Rhode Island, a guy did a Facebook Live broadcast as he drove at high speed. Police say he reached a speed of 115 miles per hour as he weaved in and out of traffic. It did not end well. He crashed into a garbage truck at around 90 miles per hour. He lived, but it took firefighters some time to get the 20-year-old out of his Honda. Okay, we really need to stop making those fast and furious movies. Just because your state is an open, carry state, it doesn't quite mean anything goes. Michigan is such a state, and thus, as an adult, not otherwise disqualified under state law, you may pack heat in public, except in a few designated areas. Still, folks, you gotta use a little common sense here, and that seemed to be in short supply for two overly zealous Second Amendment fans, 24-year-old James Baker and 40-year-old Brandon Vreeland. These geniuses were under the impression that the open carry law gave them the right to march into the Dearborn police station with Baker in full body armor and ski mask carrying a semi-automatic pistol and a sawed-off rifle, while Vreeland photographed the officer's reactions. Do I even need to tell you that yes, both were immediately arrested? Recently hired police officer Jose Acosta is off the force. Sometimes he had a bad habit of pulling people over and asking them for their license, registration, and all the money they had. Acosta was arrested Friday and now faces charges of armed burglary and armed grand theft. He was on the force for less than a year, and allegedly he would pull over drivers and scare them before seizing their belongings. He was caught in a sting operation and is currently relieved of duty without pay. Thank you ex-officer Acosta for making it even more difficult for the boys in blue to protect us with a modicum of trust. A man passed out on a Southwest Airlines flight, but there happened to be around 20 doctors aboard to help him out. He was first treated by a doctor in seat 7A, then he was referred to a specialist in seat 16B. If there's anything that could leave a person feeling down in the dumps, it's a giant venomous snake living in your toilet. Residents of an apartment complex in Pretoria, South Africa have been hysterical after finding an 8-foot snouted cobra living in their toilet. The commode cobra could have gotten in through the plumbing system, but residents were more concerned with getting it out. So far, professional snake catchers have had no luck and they still have no idea where the snake is hiding. Residents are reportedly considering eradication methods like pouring acid or hot water down the pipes. How can you not already have tried pouring hot water down the pipes? That would have been my first thing. And then I do Drano after that, followed up by Anna Fries and my mother-in-law's meat loaf. That snake is dead! At South Carolina's Brooklyn Casey High School, substitute teacher Judith Richards Gartee appeared to be violently ill. She was found throwing up in her classroom and hardly able to stand. Then police noticed something unusual in her purse, a big ole box of wine which students reported she had been drinking in class. Judith was removed from the classroom via a wheelchair and charged with disorderly conduct. Students reported that she was consuming it in class. It's the first time in written history that it was the teacher, not the students, who was doing the whining. There's a new study that claims we actually remember things better when we drink alcohol. Really? You might want to send somebody over to talk to that teacher, Judith. I don't think she got the memo. The University of Minnesota has dropped the King and Queen names for their homecoming celebration. Now, the two chosen will just be known as Royals. How does anyone have the time to actually get an education in college nowadays? You're so busy turning everything upside down to cater to political correctness. It's a constant thing. You don't have any time left for studying. The entire town of Tiller, Oregon is up for sale. Yours for just $3.85 million. Sure, now they tell me, after I already spent the money to put a birdbath in my backyard. A man has been arrested for harassing Christians online and has been banned from any church for five years. Robert Skinner, 55, hosts a YouTube channel called Christian Comedy Channel which consists of videos mocking Christians and Christianity. The irony of this is that it's people exactly like Robert Skinner who Jesus died for. The founder and former member of a satanic church in Texas has converted to Christianity. Jacob McKelvie, formerly known as Jacob No, was instrumental in bringing together a group of Luciferians to form a Luciferian church. On February 5th of this year, McKelvie and his wife renounced their ties with the Luciferian church after becoming born-again Christians. Take that, Robert Skinner! Some conservatives who work in the entertainment industry say that their political leanings have become a career liability. According to the Los Angeles Times, conservatives working in the local entertainment industry are estimated to be in the few thousands. Friends of Abe, the entertainment industry's largest conservative organization, has about 2,500 members, all of whose identities are kept secret. Isn't it great that the liberals who always scream and demand tolerance are the ones intolerant to the point of not hiring conservative actors on their film projects? More men than women take teddy bears to bed as a partner substitute when sleeping alone, according to a survey. While 15% of women resorted to cuddling a teddy, as many as 20% of men admitted to being big softies by opting for teddies. Of the 2,000 people surveyed, 63% said they needed a bedtime cuddle to sleep, with many of them saying they resort to hugging a pillow. Pansies. While we're on the subject of gender, men who open doors for women are as guilty of sexism as those who are rude to them according to a study. Psychologists found that a friendly or chivalrous attitude can mask chauvinistic and patronizing views because the men see females as weak creatures in need of their protection. They warned that this benevolent sexism was harder to spot than the hostile version born out of an open antipathy. Jin Goh, a psychologist from Northeastern University Boston in the U.S., said while many people are sensitive to sexist verbal offenses, they may not readily associate sexism with warmth and friendliness. Unless sexism is understood as having both hostile and benevolent properties, the insidious nature of benevolent sexism will continue to be one of the driving forces behind gender inequality. Seriously, so if I open a door for a woman, I'm a male chauvinist pig, but what if I don't open the door, huh? What if I wait for her to open it? Well, then I'm labeled an inconsiderate jerk, huh? So why can't I open the door for somebody? I mean, not because I think that they're weaker, but because I'm being polite. I open doors for men and women. So I'm sexist. If I open the door for a woman, am I gay if I open that door for a guy? Or am I saying you're too weak to open the door for yourself? I'm also opening it for me, so am I a narcissist then? You are overthinking this, feminists. This has nothing to do with you being a weaker sex. In my case, this is out of respect. I was taught growing up to treat women not like equals, or lesser than men, but better than men. You are the fairer of the sexes, deserving of more love and honor. It's not a diss on you if I open the door when you approach. It's me saying my esteem for you is so high that I'm allowing you to go before me. My opinion is higher of you than of me, unless you're a liberal feminist that believes all the crap in this story, at which point I might just let the door hit you in the face. Because you're not a lady. Sorry, rant over. Where were we? In Louisiana, an unidentified man broke into a house, went straight for the refrigerator and started eating. The man ate an apple, some cookies on the couch, poured himself some orange juice and even heated up a cup of clam chowder. He then fell asleep, naked in the bedroom. The homeowner's son found the man and called police. Sometimes it is possible to get too comfortable in your job. Scientists say they're trying to figure out why humpback whales are now being seen in large groups when previously they were thought to be somewhat solitary creatures. Yet some think it may have to do with better communication among the humpbacks now that more and more of them are on Facebook. A new study finds that dogs are capable of lying, which we all should have known already. Give him treats, then he goes to someone else in the house and begs for treats again, as if he never got any from you. President Trump's new travel ban took effect yesterday, so if you were planning on escaping America too late. A woman on a flight from China to Australia awoke mid-flight after her battery-operated headphones exploded, caught fire and began to melt. Ironically, at the time she'd been listening to Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire. An Oregon man led police on a high-speed chase this week in a stolen street sweeper truck. What's high-speed in a street sweeper? What, seven, eight miles an hour? He was trying to make a clean getaway. I'm so funny. Rescue workers had to remove part of a wall to pull a naked man out of a sandwich shop where he spent the night trapped inside a narrow passage. A construction crew arriving at a job site in Napa, California heard faint calls for help coming from the closed shop. It appears the man fell into the shaft from the roof of the building where he said he was looking for a wishing well. As to why he was naked, no explanation. I can only assume he thinks wishing wells work better if you're in your birthday suit. Come to think of it, where was he keeping the change he was going to throw into the well? Scientists estimate that the world's spider population eats 400 to 800 million tons of bugs every year. So yeah, you're ugly and scary, but thank you, you eight-legged freaks. Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer will get $23 million in severance pay on her way out of the company. I'm leaving a copy of this on the boss' desk, with that $23 million in severance highlighted in bright yellow. Syria's Civil War hit the six-year mark on Wednesday. Um, congratulations? Ben Affleck revealed he recently checked into rehab and underwent treatment for alcohol addiction. Well, you'd have a super-powered alien from outer space started yelling out your mother's name. You'd probably start drinking, too. Residents of Ocala, Florida have been warned to be on the lookout for an escaped pet, a cobra. So as you prepare for the arrival of spring, you might not want to take for granted that that garden hose is actually a garden hose. A new study finds that only one in ten kids in Oklahoma City owns a watch and just one in five are able to tell time by reading the face of a watch or clock. Come on, kids! When Mickey's little hand is on the four and his big hand is on the one, it's five past four. Gee, now that I say that out loud, it does sound confusing. On Saturday, a 70-pound popcorn ball was stolen from a display spot outside a popcorn shop in Ohio. The story has a happy ending, though. Someone anonymously returned the popcorn ball to the store late Tuesday or early Wednesday. The stolen popcorn ball was returned intact. They probably returned it after realizing they'd just stolen a 70-pound popcorn ball, which has a total street value of nothing. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up, and be sure to subscribe if you want to see more, and click that little bell next to the subscribe button to be notified when I post new videos. This episode is made possible in part by my Patreon supporters. For DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com, I'm Darren Marlar.