 Dedicated to the strength of the nation, now heard on more than 1,300 radio stations. Proudly, we hail. Proudly, we hail, starring Victor Mathur in honeymoon for three. The United States Army and United States Air Force presentation. Now, here is your producer, the well-known Hollywood showman, C.P. McGregor. Thank you, thank you, and greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to your theater of stars, where your motion picture favorites appear in plays we know you'll enjoy. That outstanding performer of stage and screen, Victor Mathur, is our proudly we hail star. You'll hear Victor is John Kelly, vagrant in our sparkling comedy. They're an irrepressible victim of mistaken identity who is saved from jail by a modern Porsche who in turn succeeds in landing both herself and John in jail. And in love. We'll have the curtain for act one of our comedy in just a moment. Here now is a brief message from Wendell Niles. Your army and Air Force men overseas are doing an important work. By their example, they're proving a democratic way of life to be best. They stand as a symbol of a peace-loving nation. At the same time, your soldiers and airmen are making for themselves a worthwhile career with a future. And that's why you'll find some of the finest young men in our country in the uniform of the U.S. Army and U.S. Air Force. And all once again, our producer. It's curtain time and here's act one of honeymoon for three starring Victor Mathur as John Kelly. Elm of Cloverdale is a lovely spot with elm trees lining the main street, Ivy covering its public library and people streaming in and out of its city hall. And this is where we'll begin our story three, circuit court 18. The state of California prescribes their in. Circuit court of Cloverdale will convene. Right Honorable William Christoffers Niles. People of Sonoma versus John Kelly. That's your honor. John Kelly, your charge of the armed robbery of Hildale's Motor Inn Cafe. The act having been perpetrated March the 18th, Tuesday last at approximately 9.30 p.m. Tell me, how do you plead? Well, I didn't do it. How do you plead, guilty or not guilty? Tell me, are you represented by counsel? Well, they told me I was entitled to a public defender, but I haven't seen him around. Your honor, your honor, the court pleases. Here, here, young lady. What's the meaning of this? Your honor, I have just been assigned to be accused of public defender. You? A dame assigned to me? Now, look, I... Mr. Kelly, let me remind you that you are in a court of law. Any outbursts will not be tolerated. Now, Mr... You are familiar with the charges for which the accused is being tried? I was forced to complete a rather hurried brief, but I believe I can afford the accused adequately counseled. Very well. The case may proceed. Look, judge, if this is some kind of a gag, I don't get it. I don't know much about the law, but I know I don't want any dame given a pitch for me. That is your prerogative, Mr. Kelly. If you wish to waive right of counsel... Your honor, I submit that the accused be advised that regardless of his prejudice as to my sex, I have been duly appointed by the state of California as a competent and qualified defender. I further submit that he be advised that my brief contains evidence of his innocence, without which he could receive from this court the maximum penalty found guilty. The maximum penalty, Mr. Kelly, is 99 years. That's a long time. Having been so advised, Mr. Kelly, what is your decision? Okay, ladies, start defending. But I'm going to be awful sore if I get the gas chamber. Honor and summation, it is the contention of the defense that John Kelly having not been positively identified by all or any of the participants, nor by the officers who arrested him on Coast Highway 101, the case is one founded on suspicion only and therefore inconclusive. A point well chosen, Ms. Palmer. Having waived the submitted evidence, it appears that this court can do no other than exonerate John Kelly of the crime for which he is charged. Well, thanks, Judge. Like I said, I didn't do it. However, Mr. Kelly, on this secondary charge, you originally booked for vagrancy. Do you have a permanent address? Well, not exactly. You see, Judge, I... 90 days. Case dismissed. Oh, your honor, if the court pleases. Mr. Kelly does have a permanent address. What? Well, then why do you... My client, as you can see, has been under a severe mental strain. Arrest, suspicion of robbery. This mad panorama of events occurring with such terrifying swiftness have obviously dulled Mr. Kelly's mind. Now, look, see here. Mr. Kelly's address is 469 Renford Road. I can attest to the fact. Very well. The court will rescind sentence of competition counsel. In consideration of the defendant's mental condition, he is to be remanded to the custody of defense counsel. Do you accept? Well, yes, your honor. Very well. Case dismissed. Say, lady, Miss Palmer, I don't like to seem stupid or, as you worded it, mentally incompetent. But what's this about me living at Renford Road? Well, you didn't want to go back to jail, did you? No, but I don't like people calling me nuts either. Let's get out of here. Hey, what if they investigate that address and find out I'm not there? You will be. Do you have any luggage? Yeah, I'm wearing it. What is this place, a rooming house? An apartment. Mine? Yours. Well, that makes everything. Your apartment? Yes. Then, of course, you'd be staying... There. In other words, we... That is, look, Miss Palmer. I never read the life of Clarence Darrell. But even I know that... Oh, Kelly, will you stop all this foolishness and come along? This is an ideal situation. I never thought it would happen to me. Come on. You and I are in the same apartment. This should work out beautifully. By the way, how's your pinocchio game? Thanks. Well, sit down. That is, make yourself comfortable. Nice looking joint. Said he must pay you pretty good, huh? I had an inheritance. I used most of it for law school. One day, I hoped to have a practice of my own. You know, I don't get you. What do you mean? A bad-looking dame. Oh, I take it that was meant as a compliment. Thank you. How come you weren't for being a lawyer? Dames like you ought to get married. Any way they usually do. Said you ever think of getting married? Why don't we just let the matter draw? Okay, Your Honor, I withdraw the question. Now, Kelly, as you undoubtedly understand, this arrangement is strictly temporary, just until you can find another place to stay. So, meanwhile, you must realize that you're my ward. I'm responsible to the court for your conduct. Any trouble you might cause will mean trouble to me. Hey, now, look, you don't really think I pulled that job, do you? The court dismissed the charges. That's all that matters. Yeah, well, in my book, that isn't all that matters. Say, why did you defend me in the first place if you thought I was guilty? I've never lost a case as public defender. Oh, just to keep the record clean, huh? Well, I'll give you something more for the record. I don't go around robbing people, see? I haven't had any dose since I got out of the Army. But when I want something bad enough, I'll go to work for it right now. And what is your profession, Kelly? Oh, I'm a genius, I guess. A what? A genius. You know, a guy that can do a little bit of everything. You mean jack of all trades? Any way you like it. And what do you do best? Everything. No, I take that back. I haven't tried writing yet. Say, that's what I think I'll do next. Write a couple of stories for the Saturday evening post. Oh, just like that. Kelly, I'll get you some covers. I have the apartment next to this one through the connecting door. What? Seriously, haven't you ever thought of getting married? Look, would it make you happy if I told you I had a fiancé? No, fully. Well, good for you. I'd hate to think of someone as pretty as you spending the rest of her life getting all musty in those musty old law books. Now, it just so happens, I intend to continue my practice after I'm married. You see, the man I'm engaged to is an attorney himself. Oh, I see. Well, you should have some wonderful arguments across the breakfast table. I can just hear it now. I refuse to answer on the grounds that the question is of evidence and misleading. Kelly, you're not very funny. Sorry, Your Honor. What's the guy's name? Pitman. Sounds like him. First name Lancelot. Reginald. Same thing. Whereas pinstripe suits, starch collars and French cuffs. Oh, Your Honor, you can do much better than that. Oh, Kelly, why don't you go to bed? Yes, Your Honor. And another thing, I'm not Your Honor. Yes, Your Honor. I mean, Miss Palmer. Good night. Oh, Miss Palmer. What is it? You don't have to bolt the door. I'm really a very sound sleeper. Oh, good night, Kelly. Come on, Cummys. Katie, dear, I... Kelly. Katie, dear, is asleep. I'm Reginald Pitman. I know. How did you know? Clearly to come calling, isn't it? Now, see, dear, you... Hello, Katie, dear. Sorry to bust in this way. I was driving down from Eureka. And, well, I... Yeah, he just had to stop it, isn't he? Yes. Catherine, who is this person? Actually, he's a ward of mine. I've been assigned by the court as his custodian. And he's staying here in your apartment? Looks that way, doesn't it, Reggie? He's been staying in the adjoining apartment. And Kelly, will you please shut up? Sorry, Your Honor. I should hope so. Yeah, you see, I was in the army and... Say, were you in the army? Navy. Yeah, that's what I thought. Now, look here, my fine friend. Look, I was also heavyweight champion of the 44th Infantry Division. I'll be back. Make yourself at home, Reggie. Make myself at home. Catherine, I don't have much time. I must get on back to San Francisco. Darling, the reason I stopped, well, I was thinking of you all last night. Now, Reggie... Yes, I was thinking of a lot of things. Now, Catherine, I'd like you to come back to San Francisco with me. Well... My dear, I need you. I want America. Now, today. Reggie, I... Well, I... I don't know quite what to say. I hadn't planned on so short a... Say, why don't you keep the towels around here? Oh, Kelly, couldn't you? Wouldn't you? Oh, I want the towels. They're in the closet off the hall. Oh, thanks. But, darling, what do you say? Well, I have to give up my work here. Well, when I practice out of my office, we could use another good lawyer. Oh. All right, Reggie. I'll come with you. Darling. Hey, hey, what about me? You... Oh, good heavens. Oh, what about Kelly? Well, what about him? For he's in my charge for 60 days, I'm responsible. Well, I guess there's only one thing to do. Yes. Take me along. No. Yes? Oh, that's ridiculous. Reggie, I'm afraid we'll have to. I do. Scott, surely they ought to be a way too... Pray not, Reggie. You know, I'm a dangerous criminal. Why, I might go berserk and do a lot of wild things just because she didn't have her eyes on me. Then she'd be in plenty of trouble. Kelly, for the last time, will you shut up? Say, you know, I think I'm really going to enjoy this. I've never been on a honeymoon before in my whole life. We pause briefly from our story, Hang Moon for Three, starring Victor Mature, to bring you an important message from your government. There's a great future in aviation for high school graduates today. And it's yours for the asking. I mean, of course, the U.S. Air Force Aviation Career Plan for high school graduates. By this plan, you can make your choice of training. You'll have more than 40 Air Force Specialties from which to choose. You can choose even before enlisting. And once accepted, you are guaranteed the training you have selected. You'll work with the most modern Air Force planes. You'll learn how they operate, how they are maintained and repaired. Or you may study radar or any one of many fields of aviation. Yes, high school graduates, the Air Force offers you a great career in a modern field, the field of the future. And you'll have lots of opportunity to advance in your specialty. Ask at your local recruiting station right away about the aviation career plan. Do it right away. Our curtain rises on act two of honeymoon for three starring Victor Moutour as Kelly. There's a lot to be said for San Francisco. It's a great city for sightseeing, nightlife and commerce. It's also not a bad place to be married. That is, if you're planning on being married, as are Katie and Reggie. And you don't have an extra man along such as Kelly. In this event, complications are have to set in. Katie, let's say grab a bite of lunch at the firm out before I go to the office. All right, dear. And Kelly. Yeah? Why don't you take in a movie? We'll pick you up in a couple of days. Oh, no, thanks. Matter of fact, I'm kind of hungry myself, Reg. Oh, my. Wait for me, Katie. I want to get a magazine. Yes, dear. Oh, Kelly, must you tag along? No, I don't have to. I could take the baby for a walk, maybe. Oh, fine. Of course, if the bells start. What? Oh, but that hasn't happened in a long time. I don't think there's any point in worrying about it. Bells? What bells? Oh, didn't I tell you about the bells? You did not. Well, sometimes I'm just as normal as you are, Reggie. Forget Reggie. I'm just as normal as you. Then other times I'm walking along and suddenly bing-bong. The bells start. And just where do they start? In my head. And then I suppose you have a complete blackout and can't remember a thing. That's right, Your Honor. How don't you know? Oh, why didn't I leave you in jail? Of course, you didn't want to spoil your record, remember? Oh, well, Casey. It seems that Kelly's joining us for lunch, Reggie. What? Well, thank you, Reggie. That's nice. I'll be delighted. Oh, you'll be delighted. But the hotel is just a half block. We might as well walk. Say, I just happened to think. Do either of you like seafood? No. No. Oh, they say they have a wonderful seafood. Really, is there Fisherman's Wharf? Ever been to Fisherman's Wharf? We're not going to Fisherman's Wharf. We're going to the pier. Well, I'm not very well dressed to go to a hotel. Oh, you look fine. I've never seen Fisherman's Wharf. Boy, I'd kind of like to see it. Now, look here, Kelly. They say Joe DiMaggio has a restaurant there. Quite a ball player, that Joe. Say, Reggie, you like baseball? No. I saw DiMaggio in a World Series once. Oh? Yeah. The Yanks are playing with Giants. I think it was the last half of the eighth. Oh? Yeah, it was. Man on first and third ties go, and DiMage comes up. Oh, that's good. No, that's bad. Well, Hubble throws that screwball in there, and Joe lets it go for a strike. Oh, that's bad. No, that's good. You should have heard the crowd on the next pitch. Oh, Reggie. Oh, yes, dear. You'd better get the car out of the garage. Fisherman's Wharf. Ah, Fisherman's Wharf. This is quite a spot. Anyone have an oyster? Ah, no, thank you. You seem very fond of oysters. No, I hate them. But that's your third order. Oh, I always get a lot. I like to look for pearls. Kelly, I think I'd better call the office and see if I learn any messages at your park. Don't worry. Well, it's an established fact that out of every million, 200,000 oysters, there are at least one pearl. I read it in a National Geographic. No, how interesting. Tell me, Your Honor. Are you really going to deny that guy? Well, of course. Is there any reason why I shouldn't? Yeah, lots of them. For instance, no Ricky Tick. Ricky Tick? Yeah. It's like those bells I was telling you about. Of course, that was a lie, no? Yes, I'm aware of that. Why don't you do the same? Wait a minute. Look, let me finish. Look, Your Honor, when two people are in love, I mean, really in love, funny little things happen. They hear strange noises. Noises? Look, did you ever hear an old horn? One of those musical horns, they go, ah-rick-a-dee-tick. Well, what did I got to do with you? Everything. One time or another, hasn't it? Well, yes. Hear any noises? Of course not. There. You see? No, Ricky Tick. You're being ridiculous. Okay, have it your way. I was just giving you a piece of advice. Why, I never heard of anything more ridiculous. I have an appointment downtown this afternoon. We'd better be getting along. What do you think? What? Oh! Oh, yes, Reggie. Yes, we'd better be getting along. All right. Reggie. Yes, dear? Kiss me. Why? Kiss me. Stay here in front of all these people? Yes. Oh, very well. Oh, do it again. What? Again. Now, if you'll be good enough to... Anything happen? Uh-uh. See, what did I tell you? What is all this? Well, I was just trying to find out if you had any Ricky Tick. Ricky Tick? And I don't think you have. Busy? I've just got my desk cleaned up here. Sit down. Sit down. How did the shopping go? Oh, all right. But don't tell me what kind of a wedding dress you bought. It's bad luck, you know? No, it's only bad luck when you see the bride in her gown before the wedding. Oh, is that so? Oh, well, what's the difference? Silly superstition. Uh, where's Kelly? At the library. He's got some fool idea about writing stories for the Saturday evening post. He promised to meet me here when he finished. Doesn't he know that only the top author is right for the post? I don't think he has a selling in here. Well, I tried to tell him. Nothing seems to faze Kelly, though. He says he's a genius. Well, I think I have something that will faze the genius. Oh, what? Hmm. Just wait until it gets here. Uh, that's probably him now. Come in. Well, good evening, you lovely people. And how are you, Reggie Wedgie? Quite well, thank you. Say your honor, I've finished that story. Since I left you? Uh-huh. Just drop it in the mailbox. You know, this writing's a real snap. I should have tried it before. But you haven't gotten a check yet. No, but I will. Say, where are we eating tonight? I have reserved a table for two at Omar Cayenne. Oh, aren't you going with us, Reggie? It's the other way around, Kelly. You're not going with us. And you can also dismiss any idea you may have had of making a general nuisance for yourself at our wedding. Why, that's not very sporting of you, Reggie. I thought I was going to be the best man. Hardly. Well, then maybe I can be bridesmaid. We can dispense with the levity, Kelly. We can? This afternoon, I contacted the circuit court in Cloverdale. Arrangements were made to have you released from the custody of Miss Palmer and transferred to my custody. I don't think we're going to be very happy together, Reggie. And that's the point, Kelly. I have obtained a waiver of custodianship. You're being returned to the Cloverdale jail to serve out your sentence as a vagrant. Well, eight ball in the corner pocket. Nice shot, Reggie. Oh, Reggie, what right did you have to do anything like that? Two gentlemen from the Sheriff's office should be here within a very few moments now. Reggie, I wonder if you'd give me some advice. Legal advice. I'd be very happy to. If one guy punches another guy in the nose, is that a salt and battery? With malice and a forethought and attempt to do bodily harm? Yes. And what kind of a rap do you get for that? I mean, what's the usual sentence? Oh, well, usually three to six months. Well, it's worth it. Oh, Kelly! If he doesn't come around by the time the cops give here, you can always testify for him. Oh, Kelly. Kelly, I didn't know what Reggie had done. Oh, by the way, here's the evening paper. They caught those guys that held up the cafe. Oh, Kelly, I did believe you. Really, I did. Oh, what's the difference? I don't blame you for getting hot at me. I made a pest to myself. I did it deliberately because, well, I didn't want you to marry him. Oh, why, Kelly? I don't know. Maybe it was because I thought you were a pretty good guy and, well, he just wasn't in your league. Kelly. Uh-huh. I'll do everything I can to help you. You'd better help him. I'll wait outside for the Goldust twins. Hi, Your Honor. Long time. Three weeks. You know, we haven't seen each other since San Francisco. Well, I wanted to come sooner, but... How's Mr. District Attorney? Reggie? I haven't seen him. Didn't you get married? No. How come? No, Ricky Tick, I guess. Oh, well. Look, Your Honor, if you came down here because your conscience was bothering you, or you were thinking of bailing me out, don't bother. I'm all set. Look, I got the mail this morning. Oh, Curtis Publications, $2,500. Uh-huh. That story I sent to the post. The check's only a down payment. They want me to make it into a series. Kelly, you're fabulous. Oh, I know it. So you're going to be an author now? For a while. Say, uh, what did you come down here for anyway? Oh, oh, well, yeah, I had to. Remember when I said you lived at 469 Renfrew Road? Yeah. Well, after Reggie had your case reviewed, they found out you didn't live there. And what happened? The judge just sentenced me to 60 days for perjury. You're in the who's count, too. Oh, that's really a laugh. But you don't have to be so happy about it. Oh, sorry, Your Honor. Say, maybe if you're real good and butter up to me, I might go your bail for you when I get me out of here this afternoon. I'm being held without bail. Well, then maybe I could bake you a cake with a hacksaw in it. Oh, I don't know why I even bothered to. Wait a minute, Your Honor. Don't go away, man. Your Honor, come here. Close your eyes. Tilt your chin. And tell me if you hear anything. Oh, Reggie tick. I knew it. Let's try it again, just to make sure. It works. It's amazing. Your Honor, without going into this thing at length, would you marry me? Oh, briefly, yes. Of course, we won't have much of a honeymoon, what with me getting out and you staying in. But I'll send you magazines every day. Oh, I thank you, darling. And cigarettes. You're sweet. And I'll come and visit you every visiting day. Kelly, you think of everything. Well, honey, I, I've already told you, you're marrying into a family of geniuses. Oh, no, you mean there's more, Kelly? No, Your Honor, but there will be as soon as you get out of the clink. The curtain falls in the final act of honeymoon for three. Our star, Victor Moutour, will return for a curtain call after this timely message from Wendell Niles. Some of you high school graduates are still looking around, looking around for the career that will fit you best. Well, man, if you haven't looked into the Army Technical School Plan, you should, and right now. Because in the first place, you have your choice. Yes, you have your choice of 60 different skills to learn. You can study such things as radio, automotive mechanics, electrical engineering, specialties, and let me repeat, there are more than 60 from which to choose. Once accepted for the Army Technical School you've selected, you are guaranteed training at that school. You'll find lots of chances for advancement, too. So high school graduates, take this tip. Go down to your local U.S. Army and U.S. Air Force recruiting station right away. Pick your career from the list they have there even before you enlist. If you qualify, you're on your way in a great career. Now back at the microphone, our star, Victor Moutour, and our producer. We take our leave of Katie, now that she's safely ensconced in the clink and bring you the indomitable and recently released Kelly. Ladies and gentlemen, Victor Moutour, our star. Thank you, CP. It's always a pleasure to appear for your grand sponsor, Uncle Sam. And especially so, since the program is rebroadcast of the armed forces over the world. Well, Vic, it was very swell of you to break into your vacation and make the trip up here from your Laguna Beach home to be with us. Well, here's the way I look at it, CP. This fine program brings the advantages of Army or Air Force enlistment to the young men of our country. And if my contribution, along with all the other motion picture people you have on proudly we hail, helps some boy to find his place in life the time is well spent, don't you think? Yes, I do. And that's just the attitude of the stars like yourself who contribute their time and talent. And I might add, the more than 1,300 radio stations which donate the time for this broadcast. All of us are glad to add what we can. After all, as when Niles has been saying right along, where can you beat the deal that the Army and Air Force is offering those who otherwise would not have the opportunity for these advantages? A chance to see the world, the prospect of trade specialization to complete a high school education or further it and get good pay right along. That makes good sense for all of us, Vic. I know you're anxious to get back to Laguna, so thanks again for your splendid portrayal. But before we go off the air, here's an interesting preview of next week. Yes? Well, what's happening, C.P., and who's playing on your Theatre of Stars? Next week, Vic and ladies and gentlemen, we are presenting Frances Gifford in a gay comedy titled The Valentine Girl. Frances, as Lucy, wins the Valentine Department Store trip to Bermuda, where she learns about Jen Rummy-Wolves and a confidence game too sharp for her big city innocence. Well, that seems to be a great bill, C.P. I'll be tuned your way. Salong all. Salong, Vic. And we should have joined us next week, ladies and gentlemen, when we present Frances Gifford in The Valentine Girl. Until next week, this is C.P. McGregor saying thanks for listening and cheeriole from Hollywood. Victor McGeor appears with the courtesy of the Hollywood coordinator, Jimetti, that arranges for the appearance of all stars in this program. The story was by Lou Reed with orchestra under the direction of Eddie Scraven. This program is rebroadcast to the Armed Forces overseas to the worldwide facilities of the Armed Forces Radio Service. Remember, proudly we hail next time presents Frances Gifford. This program is transcribed in Hollywood for release at this time. Wendell Niles speaking.