 Well, you all know my church family is Calvary Chapel, so it's always I feel really, I feel like I'm home when I'm at a Calvary and I was born in Iran, I'm going to give a quick background and then I feel like the Lord wanted me, wants me to share from John 15. But a lot of you might know this is my story, but I grew up in Iran, soon after I was born there was a revolution and Iran became an Islamic government and then there was war with Iraq and the war was in Iran. So I as a child I would see the bombs dropped, I would see houses bombed, missiles, I'd walk to school and see friends that were missing and their you know dead bodies in the streets and just a lot. And so me and my twin brother always prayed, we always talked to each other, where is God, who is God, why would he allow this? And the only God, the only way we knew to know God I guess was do we just pray, you know, Muslim prayer, you know, five times a day and you say the same prayer over and over again, we would, you would say in Arabic, which the Iranian language is farsi, so you don't really understand what you're saying, you're just repeating something over and over again and you know we tried our best to discover this God and we couldn't. Because of the war we ended up moving to the US, my brother, we were seven, eight and my, the government of Iran was signing up little boys to go to war and these little boys would, it could go to war without parents permission and if the parents said anything they would throw the parents in jail in prison for saying they were against the government, Iranian government and so my brother was really wanting to sign up because they would say if you die in this war, the holy war is jihad, you would go to heaven and these little boys would run through mines, they would help set off the mines and then the soldiers would go in, they treated them like cattle in a way, you know, they couldn't train them to fight very much so they would use them to run through mines and then the soldiers would go in. So that's when my parents, you know, my dad was a very strong Muslim but that's when he said, you know, they couldn't speak out against it so that's when we moved to the US, they were really afraid for his life. Within weeks coming to the US, I could say I was a California girl for about a year before I moved to Idaho and kind of like what you said before you moved to Maine and so we moved to California and then my brother, I think few weeks into it came running to me and he said, knock me, knock me, I found the God we've been looking for, his name is Jesus and he'd had a vision or something and he said he's God of God of love and so we asked people, we, you know, asked around and asked who's this Jesus that my brother saw and some people shared Jesus with us and gave us a Bible and of course my parents found out and they were very upset, they said you've been westernized, the secular California school systems have corrupted your mind into becoming Christians, they, you know, they associated America to Christian to, you know, Western religion, you know, Western culture and so they wouldn't believe my brother, they thought the California school system is what made you Christian, you didn't have a vision and so my dad was so upset, he said I'd rather move you back to Iran and you die in that war than what has happened to you is horrible, it's worse than that and that's when we had an uncle who found a job in Boise, Idaho who said well give Idaho a try, it seems somewhere out there, I don't think anyone's heard of it, he found a job in Boise, Idaho and so that's how we and he said you can watch them, that you could, you know, make sure they don't talk to anyone and deep brain wash them back to Islam and so that was the plan, we moved to Idaho and about 10 years into our move, both my parents gave their heart to Jesus and my younger sister and, you know, and my parents really, when we left Iran closed that door, wanted us to live the American dream and just become successful, we went to college, I was excited, still when I was in high school my parents hadn't given their heart to Christ so it was very hard, they taken our Bible away, they wouldn't let us go to church, my brother and I had to like pray together secretly, they were watching for any sign of Christianity and so when I was excited to go to college and rebel and join a church and read the Bible, I didn't realize people were looking forward to going to college to party, I was just excited to, you know, my rebellious was following Christ and so I somehow I followed my brother to one of the most liberal colleges, University of Puget Sound near Seattle and I was, you know, excited, I was, you know, and I was sharing Christ and I was talking about Christ and soon I realized it's not cool doing that as a pre-med major, especially a biology major and it was, I got a lot of, you know, negative feedback, I was shocked because I thought I'd leave my home and I'd be able to have a good fellowship with, you know, the American Christians and so long story short, my brother ended up getting his doctorate in quantum physics and, you know, making my parents proud and I was, as I was about to go to med school, the Lord just put on my heart, no, I want you to, I have another plan for you and so long story short, I ended up going back to Boise, I worked at our church office for a while kind of trying to hear from God and went on a few mission trips to India and here and there and, you know, until in September of 2001, the Lord told me I want you to go to Iran and I want you to change, I want to change the Middle East through my gospel of love and so I went to the Middle East, I met Saeed in 2001, soon after September 11, met Saeed in 2002. Now, I'd never dated before, I met Saeed, I was in my mid 20s, he was my first love, he was my first love and what drew me to him was never seen anyone so passionate for Christ ever and just never, I don't know how to even explain it, you'll learn more about our story but just sold out for Christ and his conversion story was powerful, he was a very strong Muslim, prayed more than the normal Muslim, fasted more and he was so strong that he was, people, groups like Hezbollah were noticing him and were trying to recruit him to attack Israel and he was actually had heard a Christian pastor say Jesus is Lord and was about to kill that pastor before God intervened and just did a radical conversion in his life and one night he heard a voice say Saeed, I'm coming back, one night he was confused if the Christian belief was true, he'd heard something and if or the Quran and he wondered if the Bible is true then why does Jesus say I'm coming back to and it's been 2,000 years and he was not back yet so you know the Muslims a lot of Muslims believe that the Bible has been changed so it's not valid anymore and so that's what he thought and so he prayed and what is the true way and you know at night he heard a voice say Saeed I'm coming back soon go preach my gospel and he woke up and then he heard that voice again and and he went back to sleep the third time it was like a loud bomb going off he would say he woke up shaking and you know and sweaty and he heard he heard a voice say Saeed I'm coming back soon go preach my gospel and as soon as he said okay okay amen and he saw the back of Jesus walking away and when I met him it was right after that I mean it was a year after that he converted in the year 2000 actually I met him in 2002 and he was from that night when he had that vision he was out in the streets preaching the gospel he was being ridiculed he was being beaten he was being you know imagined Street of Angelism in Iran it's not pretty you know and and when I met him that's how he was just sold out for Christ and you know how you know we heard that at the beginning there's something people do that's cute you know your you know your fiancee and then in marriage it's kind of old Saeed was you know you know when he was when I met him he was pastoring around a hundred hundred fifty people under in the house churches underground churches and when we got married I thought this was a show but I couldn't believe he was praying six seven hours a day and after a while it wasn't cute anymore I was like you need to give me some attention come on and and as I always say when I went to Iran I was really careful to I was really careful not to share the gospel publicly I was afraid of being arrested so I was sharing with my cousins and you know and and I as I always say soon after I met Saeed my arrest record kind of went really high and you know we were we were arrested in different instances because of sharing the gospel but one of the instances that I remember was when we had a house church member call us and tell us that and to tell you from the time I met Saeed you know in 2002 there was over a hundred you know people Muslims who had given their hearts to Christ and he was pastoring them a lot of them were college 8 students by 2005 when we left Iran because Ahmadinejad became president and it got really intense to over 2000 had given their hearts to Christ in 30 cities so and you know working working in the Muslim world if that's a miracle one Muslim coming to know Christ is a miracle and so it was definitely the hand of God just this movement this you know that happened was just seeing that it was like the Book of Acts saying just the church the house churches grow and unite in the unity and the and we would if someone got arrested or something would happen we'd all pray from midnight till 7 in the morning and you know and so just we lived together you know as the church we were just you know there was no bubble and one of the arrests was when we got a call from one of our house church leaders and he said I'm scared I feel like I'm being followed all day I feel like something bad is about to happen can you come to my house so we waited till midnight went to his house and as soon as we knocked on his house these revolutionary guards which are considered terrorist groups they're the most radical you know part of the Iranian government's guards they attacked us threw us in these cars with guns and took us down these dark alleys and to this interrogation place where there was a courtyard in the middle and there was rooms around and about two three hours into it where we were passed around from room to room we got to this really the head of that place or the boss or he had his face was evil he was big he is here he was really angry at us and he said I was sitting here my husband or yes I we'd just been married he was sitting here and the house church leader was sitting there and he said if you say you're Muslim you go free if you say you're Christian you will die and there's guns pointed to our head and and he looks at me as if I'm supposed to be the first one who says it and he looks at me as if this you should be afraid he's you know and he he looked at me and said it's not going to be an easy death you're going to be separated from sight you're going to be a woman's prison he'll be men's prison you'll be tortured you'll be raped and then you'll die it's not going to be pretty and so he's staying this with evil and and I just I thought about almost 20 some years that I've been a Christian and I thought okay I've gone to church I've served the Lord of God mission trips I came to Iran because of the Lord but do I really believe him do I really believe in Jesus because this gun and this person in front of me is real and I don't know how to explain it but it's like do I really believe it was that moment of is Jesus really that real and having to make that decision and I felt the Lord say don't deny me I will deliver you and I so I just opened my mouth and in the face of fear I felt like the words weren't even going to come out and I felt I just opened my mouth I said I'm a Christian and so this I got angry and he said your testimony is gonna be your witness against you is like confessing to murder or something and so I you know shared my testimony he was angry said you've been brainwashed by the West you're you know he was just getting angry and angrier heard Saeed story and he was just out beside himself how could say whose mom was teaching at the mosque at that time how could he how could he do this he wasn't in the West he was you know he was born in Iran raised in Iran got accepted Christ in Iran and so for that second I thought Lord you said you're gonna deliver me and here's this guy wanting to you know kill us and I felt like he was gonna be like Stephen we were just gonna be killed right there we weren't even gonna go to trial or and and as he closed our cases as you're done you he had the guards take us and I'm thinking okay Lord did I hear right are you real are you out there the revolutionary guards couldn't shake something and so he's just he's struggling he's like stop and he says I need to talk to you to say take them to the courtyard we're sitting back down on this bench we're seeing into the courtyard they're talking for half an hour 45 minutes they come out and this big guy revolutionary guards that is trying so hard not to cry like a baby he's sniffling and there's like a tear coming this side tear coming this side and he says just go home and he rips I mean the guards were shocked he took it took the folders who ripped them up and then he said as we're leaving he said can I have a Bible and so you know it was you know side was never afraid side was never afraid to share the gospel with the hardliners he said I know them I know what they're thinking they think they're serving God so that's what I loved about him he shared with anyone never really feared and so here he he was being threatened by by you know death and he's sharing the gospel in this guard's heart you know the Lord showed me that if we hadn't stood up for our faith that that guard that revolutionary guard might have never known the reality of Jesus and you know when side was recently arrested the Lord reminded me of that story and he said I felt the Lord saying side's life because the first week when they took him we didn't know where he was and I felt the Lord saying he's in my hand his life is in my hand and you should have been killed at that the story I just explained you should have been killed there but it was not your time don't fear man no government no country no people have side I have him so that gave me a lot of peace you know and fast-forward my six minutes is already over okay I think I'm just gonna combine the two but yeah I might borrow my phone for some I want to recite letter as part of the legacy of hope he wrote a letter to our daughter recently on her eighth birthday so but I'm gonna I'm gonna get that later so you know long story short I'm gonna explain about our wedding to I want to relate it to the legacy all I'll share it now I'm just gonna combine the two a lot of things that I did really upset me like our wedding but I have to explain to so I am a very private person I am scared of I'm very private you could never see anything before 2012 any posts or anything on Facebook or Twitter from me you would have to search really hard say would sometimes take a picture of us and share we're eating dinner here and I get a soap set at him like why do people need to know where we're eating and I just felt so embarrassed and and I'm very private person love Boise I am a homebody I don't need to see the world I don't like traveling deathly afraid of airplanes and talking in front of people and like right before I came Marie was like praying for me I'm like I'm gonna have a heart attack right now felt like I was gonna have a heart attack and so for the Lord to fearful I was really fearful of everything anxiety anxious person the reason I say that for the Lord to give me so much peace in the worst time of my life and have me do things I would normally never do is just a miracle and he gets all the glory because it's not me I would rather get an F than speak in front of people and any classes I'd gladly accept an F so I want to fast forward I'll explain about our wedding later because I want to have a focus about legacy it was all about our wedding was a crusade that's why I was so mad at him I feel like we couldn't I felt like he couldn't just have and we couldn't just have a normal private wedding so we went we went to the Iranian government site said let's go to the Iranian government say we're Christians and let's have a Christian wedding I said no you know I you know I felt I felt as a fiancee and then our wife my first rule was to argue with them and then try to fight as much as I could and then I when I when I had to I submit so he won he won that battle I was trying really hard not to but we went to the Iranian government it was a government before Ahmadinejad it was his name the president's name at that time was Khatami we said you know we went to the administration we said we're Chris we're converts we're Christians we want a Christian wedding and say it was you know he was very adamant about it I'm I don't want to pray to the God of Allah and I want to pray in Jesus name I want our wedding you know under God you know Jesus and so we told him that and I thought they're getting really angry like why would you not want to Muslim wedding and they said okay so we had this church that held about 500 600 people and I thought my mom's gonna come from the US my dad my sister three maybe my grandma okay six seven from my side maybe 20 30 from his side and then here I site printing like 600 and wedding invitation and I didn't understand it until the day of I was just like you know oh you know what why are you doing this oh don't worry honey and I didn't really get it until the day of our wedding where sister church's pat he's he's inviting we were in our 20 you know 20s and he's just like come to our wedding it's you it's gonna be fun it's gonna be a party so all these people are coming to our wedding and he had we had 300 I think site under the estimated to because he had 300 wedding favors made beautiful wedding favors with flowers and ribbons and they were inside of these beautiful favors were Jesus films and Bibles and so people are wanting these beautiful favors there you know in this church there's worship sites of preaching I'm just in my wedding dress I'm just looking at him and and I was I was it's one of those moments where you think back and you're like why was I so angry but I was so mad I was thinking I wanted a small private wedding about one day about me and he's using it for to share the gospel and and there's revolutionary guards circling the church ready to arrest us on our wedding day and my wedding photographers like do you realize what's gonna happen there's revolutionary guards and my pastor Bob Caldwell from Calvary Boise he was there and so I'm like I don't want people I don't want him to know that he might get arrested like just let's keep this quiet and so I'm stressed out there's revolutionary guards he's sharing the gospel there's like choir we're in the middle of Tehran in front of the one of the largest moth by Tehran University worship music blasted off people are getting Bibles and Jesus films and and so I on our 10th year anniversary just past this year you know June of this year 2014 I was smiling because Said we had a big fight on our honeymoon and and because I was upset he was doing that and I said could you not do ministry for one day can it just can you just relax one day no Jesus like I don't know why I said that but but he would smile at me and say you know our 10th year anniversary I'll make it up to you and so I was flying back from DC to Boise I just heard not really good news about any efforts for Said's release and I just smiled like I said you know what I couldn't have imagined Said anywhere else in the prison for Jesus sharing about Jesus on our 10th year anniversary I could have you know he's been you know we talked about legacy I want to share stories but he his whole life was Jesus his whole life is Jesus how he couldn't hold back on our wedding day he couldn't hold back on anything and when it's when he even raising our kids you know he would pray I would you know I was working for the first you know I was working when we moved to the US I was working a lot and he was a stay-at-home dad for a while we you know he worked I stayed we tried to you know make ends meet and when I was working I wanted I want to be home feed the kids dinner put them to bed done but I would you know we would have dinner and I'd be cleaning up and Said was supposed to be putting the kids to bed so I you know I would finish up the kids were supposed to be in bed by 7th sleep by 8th I come at 9 or 10 and he's they're walking around worshiping praying you know and I would be so upset now it's silly that I think about it but my routine was being ruined but say it was just the kids saw that passion you know and that's you know we when it talks about when we talk about legacy and Deutronomy where it's I can find it here where it says in these words verse 6 which I command you today shall be in your heart I think once you have it in your heart and you love the Lord and it's just in there everything else is easy you're gonna want it all over it's like say you want it in your wedding you want it out in your door you want it on your you know you want it it's all about when you're in love when your dad in love with Jesus it's not a task if you have to force yourself I'm gonna teach my kids like verses and I have to do this don't do it it has to come where you're so and this is this is what I felt the Lord wanting me to share about John 15 you have to be so connected to the vine you have to be so in love it just flows out of you and your kids see that when Said was arrested my kids I would just I'm like in tears and I'm passing by their room this four-year-old and five-year-old were holding hands praying and worshiping I would take videos of them just worshiping Jesus it was in great side was in putting that in them not because he felt that as duty he just was so in love with Jesus he was and you know putting investing just Jesus is the love of his life and and in the morning when I go to work he'd get the kids up and they go prayer walking in the neighborhood and there was a lot of Mormon housewives who prayer walk with them and he'd share the gospel one day one day he was telling me honey all these these ladies want me to want to invite me to their tea and I get to share about Jesus and it says you know you should where it says you should teach your children when you sit in the house when you walk by the way when you lie down when you rise up just lying down he would share about Jesus and they would pray waking up they do prayer walk I get mad at them what why what a two-year and a year-old and a three-year-old prayer walking for hours and the neighborhood come out like this is too much and so but he's so in love with Jesus you know that that just that that's he would just give you the kids saw that the kids saw that you know and I was a lot about structure and clean house and inside was all about let it be messy let's just get the kids to you know know Jesus and so when our churches grew to a few thousand we left Iran we went back in 2009 and the government at that time was Ahmadinejad they took side and they said we know you're not doing house church anymore because when we left Iran the house churches they didn't have a pastor they kind of went their separate ways and it was hard pastoring them from afar so after about a year it was just kind of so in 2009 when we went back to Iran the government said well you're not doing house church anymore why don't you and say it said well I'm a Christian I want to help the people of Iran they said why don't you do humanitarian efforts so that's when we started the orphanage that's what site had been traveling back and forth to but one of the things I mean just beautiful lessons he would teach our kids and I again I would be upset by it is right before he'd go to Iran he'd open up his suitcase and say bring me toys and clothes for these orphans and so my kids would just our kids would bring these toys and clothes and like old clothes and old toys and he'd say no give me your favorite and I'd be like what we weren't doing very well financially like just I'd be like no no not that toy that you know they got on Christmas or but he would say you know you have to give God your best and so that was painful for me as a mom to watch like you know you get attached to your kids toys and clothes too so you know you're like and so but I now I look at it it was just like hard lessons that but he put it right now I mean our kids I love it I mean they're one of the most giving people they don't they're not attached to any material things you know they're just Rebecca will see a child and she'll just give her best toy and but he ingrained that in them and he really you know put that you know really but the thing is he didn't see it as a task he was so he's so in love with Jesus that it was just flowed out naturally and so he was traveling back and forth working on the orphanage in 2012 he went in June of 2012 he you know did the normal nightly routine with our kids and took him woke up at five to take site to the airport he kissed our kids goodbye and said a quick goodbye also I said he was he left in June he was supposed to come back in July so I'll see in a few weeks and that was the last time I saw him and I don't know maybe if I knew you know I'd never see him again or I wouldn't see him all these years I would I would have done something not let him go I don't know I had no idea and he called me in July he was supposed to come to the airport he called me he said they're not letting me leave the country I don't know what's going on pray so we were praying that he kept calling passport control and he kept calling the intelligence officer and they said we're just gonna ask you some questions so on September 26th he was supposed to get a call and they were supposed to ask him some questions he was supposed to go show up somewhere being targeted or questioned and then he was supposed to come home and instead he five revolution I got a call so he's in Iran with his parents I'm in Boise I get a call from his mom as you said one of the worst things you could ever imagine a senior child in chains I get a call from his mom five revolutionary guards attacked the house he was staying out with his parents took him and she was crying hysterically she said I don't know where they've taken him I don't know if he's alive the way they took him was just horrible horrific one of them they just told him you can grab a few on you know his mom knew it was gonna be it was not just a few hours it was good something something was gonna happen because they had him take some underclothes under garment and they you know they just raided the house to computers and stuff and she was crying and for the first week we didn't know where he was we didn't even know if he was alive and then as you know the story we realized he was an evan prison one of the worst prisons in the world he was tortured beaten he was told if he say if he says he's a Muslim he'll go free be able to join the kids and I and he wouldn't deny his faith and you know I tell the kids I said you should be proud of daddy and he stood up for his faith he led so many people there's the reports of you know over 30 he led so many people to Christ in the first prison they moved him to an exile prison and they moved him to the murder award and say the head of that prison told the the head of the exile prison which was the worst worst prison than the other one which we couldn't even imagine told site that that if if he tries to evangelize here they will kill him because they put him in the murder award where like hardcore prisoners rapists and murders were on death row they said if they realized he's a convert they will kill him better yet if he tries to say anything and just by Lord's mercy people were led to Christ there and site didn't die so they moved him to the political ward you know and again you know I heard through the great wine actually through our yeah I know that the Iranians are frustrated with him because he keeps sharing the gospel and I said we'll kick him out so he was doing so badly they he in the murder ward he had lies and he was just physically doing horribly they in March of this year they finally took him hospitalized him and in May he was recovering slowly they wouldn't give him the surgery he needs because of internal injuries and bleeding in May because people were being led to Christ in the hospital they beat him again they beat him really badly and took him to the prison so he's been moved around quite a bit quite a number of times that you know as I've shared is I've shared with our government it's him sharing Christ is not an act of defiance it's an act of love he can't imagine you know one of the prisoners wrote his wife and I got to see part of that letter he said I don't feel like in prison anymore I feel set free and he had a 10-year sentence and because of Jesus and his wife actually ended up over the phone calling me and gave her heart to Christ and and so say he sees these prisoners needing Jesus and so he give he's not trying to be defined he's just trying to give what he has what he found he was depressed Muslim who didn't have joy and peace and in Christ he found it he's he found this connection with God and when I heard about Saeed's arrest you know I'm already you know I was already a very fearful person of what what if this happened to my husband what if something happened to my kids what if about finances about anything you can think of I was always afraid I and one side was taken I felt my whole world just turned upside down I didn't I was I became a single mom I hurt to even watch my kids my kids wanted to watch movies of him like home videos of him and pictures to remember him because they forgotten my daughter was just crying hysterically and she's like mommy I'm forgetting daddy's voice and so I was just in tears watching them watch home videos and they flipped through their the last few years they flipped through their album so much that it's ripped to pieces I haven't had a chance I did album for the first two three years of their life the last five years it's nothing so but you know so they'll just be like mom can you tell the story of when he would take us to the park or tell this and for me it's painful so I guess I became a single mom had saw I've seen my kids suffer really miss their dad and I didn't know what our future would look like you know I didn't know where you know we lived with my parents but I didn't I honestly didn't know and I reached out to God so then this is where John 15 comes I felt like for the first time I abided in the vine I reached out to God and I said God you have to help me I can't fall into this hole I felt such so anxious I don't know if you I don't know this dark place of anxiety and depression was so dark my mom was crying on my feet and she was saying how can I help you and I realized she can't help me no human being can help me right now and you know I would pick up the phone to talk to my best friend and site couldn't answer the phone I couldn't talk to him I felt like oh this is how it is to lose someone I couldn't talk to me I you know I I could process anything with them and there I was kept dialing his number like a man person it took me a week to really just realize why are you even trying to call him he's not gonna answer and so my and I realized no one can help me except God who made me and so I I was desperate Lord I can't I can't I don't have an option to lose it because I am a single mom and my husband needs me I can't just I can't just go in a hole and and just sleep this and wake up and for it to be over I have to I have to function and for the first time I felt connected to the vine and I feel like this is what the Lord's telling wanting me to share with you you know what he's saying it says I'm the vine and my father's the winder's in John 15 and then he abide in me so it's talking about every branch in me so it's talking about branches in him so it's talking about Christians but then a lot of you know we might be in Jesus but are we abiding in him for the first time in my life I feel like I was abiding I needed to abide if I didn't abide I couldn't function and I clung to him and I just felt connected and I felt this piece of God wash over me and you know but I had my flesh which for 30 years of my life of my Christian walk I trusted I had my flesh rebelling against me I don't know how to explain it but you know throughout our marriage everything that I felt everything that I thought I said it like the hormones like once a month site and I have without would have a huge fight and I wouldn't know why until years later I'm like why are we having a fight every like three weeks like something big like an explosion it took me like a long time to figure out what was happening so with the hormones with everything but I realized my flesh you know the Bible says my heart is evil that's not you don't want to hear that says our thoughts are to be kept captive but for so long I let it leave me I let it lead me to destructive relationships with my husband with people if I got hurt and the flesh you know the way you recognize it and that's the first part is you have to recognize your flesh if it's all about you you're right for you you need you it's all about you it's your flesh it's your flesh acting out and this you know we are we learn in this culture if walk away from that relationship that's hurting you walk away from this job walk away from this church if it's it needs to be about you it's about making you happy that's against the gospel message you know I one day I was praying and I could see masses going to the cross and getting saved and and the Lord just put on my heart and I could see people getting kneeling down getting saved and then standing up and walking away and I felt the Lord say my people have forgotten that they have to carry their cross they're leading it behind and I felt you know for me I would always hear how to live a victorious Christian life and I never knew how but the Lord just slowly starts speaking to me is the first part when you connect when you abide to get rid of yourself so you can God can work through you and it's a daily death every day you wake up and it wants to be about you you have to win that argument you have to get your right you have to it has to be your flesh wants to fight and when and it's you know and so you have to beat it down every day and you have to you know as John 15 says you know it gives you the next step once you beat down your flesh which is all about you which is selfish in your marriage and with your kids with your community and if it's if it's selfish then it's the flesh and it needs to die and that's going to be a painful death a lot of times your flesh wants to speak someone says something against you and want to fight back and not saying anything makes you feel like you're going to have a heart attack because it's your flesh wanting to come out you're like it has to come out and you know finally I got where Paul says I died to myself that you may live because when we let out the flesh we're killing those around us we're killing our family but when we die to our self and swallow that and our heart-speeding fast and I have to take hot baths coffee whatever argue with myself the only time I calm down of not wanting to fight back and tell them what it is you know how it is and you know is when the Lord just speaks to you says you have no right you have no right you know go and love and and so I guess you know in John 15 it says as the as the in 9 verse 9 as the father loved me I have loved you abide in my love so God is saying you're saying how do I abide and God and Jesus is well you abide in his love well how do you abide in his love he says if you keep my commandments you will abide in my love and how what commandment do you keep it's pretty easy you know there's a lot of rules and you should do this and you should do that but really when you boil it down it goes verse 13 greater love has no one than this then to lay down one's life for his friend so saying obey me love each other you know just love one another why are we as Christians we should be we should be we have the power you know other religions don't have the power to love and forgive we have it because it comes from on high we can go to the presence of God and come back and wash the feet of our enemy I don't want you going washing the feet of those Muslim radical right now I want you to wash the feet of your husband to wash the feet of your children to wash the feet of the person next to you you know my my son loves karate kid and he likes he likes Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles don't ask me how he got into it because my mom's been taking care of my kids so you know they you know they've been getting into things and so I decided to watch karate kid and sign him up for karate and take Wando so he's taking classes and so I was watching karate with him and and as I was watching God really spoke to me through that movie you know this really scrawny looking kid goes to be gets beaten up by these you know tough guys or karate masters and this kid wants to become a you know get become a master become really good at karate and beat up these kids at this tournament that's at the end of the movie well he goes to this karate master and what does the karate master tell him to do wax on wax off things that you don't even think it's related to karate and then at the end the child is really frustrated and says I'm done like why are you teaching me these this is not related and then at the end you get it like all the moves were related to karate moves that make him win the tournament and the Lord showed me a lot of times we we take our daily lives in vain the wax on wax off daily death to self the people the Lord has placed in your life to help you to die to yourself to help you know every marriage you might think my marriage is the hardest every marriage is hard because there's two fallen natures going at each other you know it's two fallen natures you get offended when they do that when they fold the wrong way they talk the wrong way they say the wrong thing you know and you know you're frustrated because your husband's not as spiritual as you think he should be or there's just this two fallen natures that want the other person changed and there's always going to be sharpening brothers you know you're going to be sharpened in a relationship and I think even it as a single person it's hard you know of what is my future requires intimacy with God of where does my future look like who am I gonna you know who I'm gonna marry am I gonna ever get married and things like that but in in those everyday things where you have to die to yourself don't take it in vain it's the exact move the Lord is teaching you the death to self daily death to self is what's required for you to be a disciple and what's a disciple the disciple of the world changer there's no middle ground you're either the light and the salt and the world comes to you know when we when I was in Iran there was war there would be one candle we turn off all the lights because we didn't want the Iraqi airplanes to see the houses so all the lights would be out and they'd be candle and guess where everyone goes they go to that candle and so you there's once you walk with Christ you have to die to yourself and let him shine the only way to let him shine is to get rid of yourself and die to yourself daily die to your selfish desires daily and and then the world comes to you and I'm gonna quickly I mean I've spoken as Marie said I've spoken before the United Nation over a hundred hundred hundred twenty countries ambassadors and I got to share Jesus as they heard in their own language I got to tell them that Jesus is a solution to what you're looking this is a hundred countries not this is hundred ambassadors and and I've been able to share about Jesus that he is the way he's the solution to what you're you're spending billions of dollars gathering all these countries let's solve this problem it's really Jesus and I was able to share that as they heard in their earpieces in their own language I was before the Geneva suburb for human rights and democracy very liberal human rights group and I got to share about Jesus you know that size in this prison because of Jesus Christ because he believes Jesus Christ came to this earth paid the price and he's risen again whoever believes in him has life and I got to share that in front of very liberal human rights group that gives you know very prestigious human rights awards from people all over the world I was the only Christian I've spoken before the European Parliament we prayed in the European Parliament with one of the one of the vice presidents of the Parliament and I one of my lawyers that I don't think this has ever happened in the European Parliament I've spoken before our Congress a couple times I've spoken before one of my greatest memories is I recently got I don't remember this year sometimes I was in front of the Dutch Parliament that you know Netherlands and it was the Socialist Party the Communist Party all these parties and I got to it was right before Easter so it was spring of you know this year and I got to share about Jesus and they were emotional I couldn't believe it the Communist Party and the Socialist Party and I got to share about how Jesus is forgiving if I can hug his enemies because of Jesus Christ he can love his enemies because of Jesus Christ so and I've been able to share in front of you know over 50 million Iranians and secular like news channels BBC far CDOA Persia I've been able to share you know I had a lawyer on live national not live TV on news channel an Iranian lawyer was arguing with was saying you we Iranians need to protect our culture and we can't let these people from the West come and make us Christians and take away our you know heritage Muslim heritage and I got to say you know what our heritage is actually 600 years before Islam was Christianity and I got to say you know we were the first to worship Jesus at his birth we were the first you know I got to say that lie on very secular news channels that broadcast into Iran and my father-in-law at that time was in Iran he said he called me like this whole neighborhood is saying there they watched you and they said we didn't know you could become Chris oh and that at the end when I said that like before Islam we there was Christianity in our nation in Iran King Cyrus the history of Iran King Darius and all that I got to share and I said we're not losing our culture we're going back to our culture and and you know it's interesting because it was there was a lawyer there that had fought for the hikers so it was like different lawyers that had represented Americans who were present in Iran and one of the lawyer and the host asked one of the lawyers that is it illegal to become a Christian in Iran and the Muslim lawyer who was saying you know we should protect our culture said no because it's not in Iran it's not illegal to become a Christian and so my father-in-law was calling me from Iran he's like people are asking me we didn't know it was not illegal to become Christian I was like yes you know so I mean the Lord has given me a platform in places I never experienced in very secular secular environments places where people never asked a Christian to come and speak and I've been able to share in private in crowds but also in private with ambassadors with government officials you know there's so many testimonies of government officials I've shared Christ with and and so and so I mean we I've been on Fox and CNN here and every time I've met with a reporter been able to share Christ and and so it's just been it's been an amazing open door for the gospel and so for me I feel like sites and prison they're trying to silence them for the gospel and so I feel like I'm gonna speak out and you know people asked me people asked me what would say and what would the persecuted church say and I say they would say carry on the torch you know we're in prison we're tortured we're killed because the gospel is trying to be silenced and they would say use your freedom for the gospel don't don't be shy speak out talk about Jesus you know live out Christ live out Christ and so I want to encourage you to I felt Vanessa Vanessa was saying she was praying she felt the Lord talking to her about marriage and I just feel the same way I feel like our marriages are under attack as the body of Christ we should we should be the number one example of us of not just the marriage either most marriages either fall apart or you're together and you're miserable but a marriage that's beautiful that's representation of Christ in the church that there's just there's people look at and they want it and they want the world doesn't have that and so I encourage you is I encourage you to just you know learn that process of Jesus says if you want to be my disciple die to yourself die to that flesh that's deceiving you that's taking you down a long path of destruction and then fall carry the cross you know when as a Muslim you don't understand Muslims don't understand why Christians wear the cross as a sign of death for us as a sign of life and so the same way as Christians we see carrying our cross as a sign of death but really that's where you find life that's where you're going to find life in your families in your community in our country and more than ever our country needs that so I'm going to finish with reading if I can have my phone I'm going to read this letter site recently wrote and I think it's a beautiful representation of I think it's a beautiful representation of legacy site has written a lot of letters from prison and this one he's recently wrote my daughter last time she saw her dad he was she was five her fifth birthday and then she she turned eight recently and so he'd written her a letter he says my dearest Rebecca grace happy eighth birthday you're growing so fast and becoming more beautiful every day I praise God for his faithfulness faithfulness to me every day as I watch from a distance through the prison walls and see pictures and hear stories of how you're growing both spiritually and physically oh how how I long to see you I know that you have questions that you have questions why you have prayed so many times for my return and yet I'm not home yet now there's a big why in your mind you're asking why Jesus isn't answering your prayers and the prayers of all the people around the world praying for my release and for me to be home with you and our family the answer to the to the why is who who is in control Jesus Christ is in control I desire this is the legacy part I desire for you to learn important lessons dream dream these trying times lessons that you carry now and for the rest of your life the answer to the why is who the confusion of why has all of this happened and why your prayers are not answered yet is resolved with understanding who is in control Lord Jesus Christ our God God is in control of the whole world and everything that is happening in it is for his good purpose for his glory and will be worked out for our good Romans 828 Jesus allows me to be kept here for his glory he's doing something inside each of us and also outside in the world people die and suffer further Christian faith all over the world and some might wonder why but you should know the answer of why it's who it is for Jesus he's worth the price he has a plan to be glorified through our lives I want you to read the book of Habakkuk he had the same question as you but see that the Lord answered him in Habakkuk 2 3 the vision comes and doesn't delay on time wait for it mommy and I always had big desires to serve Jesus so this is the prayer that is dangerous we wanted God you said you wanted your son changed and you didn't expect it would happen in the prison and we never expected this with how God was going to use us mommy and I always had big desires to serve Jesus and had great visions to be used for his kingdom and his first glory so today we pay a cost because God who created us called us to that and so I want you to know that the answer to all of your prayers that God is in control he knows better than us what is he's doing in our lives and all around the world therefore declare as Daniel and his friends Shadrach Meshach and Abednego did and Daniel 3 17 through 18 if that is the case our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fury furnace he will deliver us from your hand okay but if not let it be known to you okay that we will we do not serve your God nor will we worship the image the gold image which he's set up you know site won't bow down to any other God than Lord Jesus Christ no matter how what you know he goes through and site says and learn and declare as Habakkuk did that even if we do not get the results that we're looking for God is still in control and we will praise his holy name Habakkuk 3 17 through 19 though the fig tree may not blossom nor the fruit beyond vines though the labor of the olive may fail in the field yield no fruit though the flock may be cut off from the fold there be no hurt in the stalls yet I will rejoice in the Lord I will join the God of my salvation the Lord God is my strength he will make my feet like deer feet and he will make my knee walk on high heels then my dear beloved daughter Rebecca Grace I pray God will bring me back home soon but if not we will sing together as Habakkuk did hallelujah either separated by prison wall or together at home so let daddy hear you sing aloud hallelujah that I can hear all the way you're in the prison I'm so proud of you my sweet courageous daughter glory to God for him I always cry that hard you know I just encourage you to I think living a legacy really your our kids watch us I noticed one site was taken that my kids had watched him and his passion for Christ consumed them you know they read Bible stories when we weren't watching DC doing a prayer vigil in front of the White House and one of the ACLJ lawyers you know took my kids to the Smithsonian and she says she came she said we were watching this this shark eat this dolphin and Jacob there you know it's like a little room where everyone's watching Jacob said why did he screamed out he's like why did Adam and Eve have to sin and so I'm like wow that's interesting that he would say that you know it's it's just it's when we live for Christ when we're consumed by him it's it's not that hard to pass on a legacy you know it's it's not when you connect to the vine it's not that hard to bear fruit if once you get rid of yourself then this when God works he's beautiful Jesus is beautiful and one thing I love about Jesus I come from you know Islam Islam was always by force you know always take took lands and force people to believe and Jesus always ran away from crowd you know I mean he would serve them but he never forced anyone he sees so amazing that he doesn't have to be forced on anyone so when we live him when we live him he people want it evangelism is not hard fruit is not hard I've had to run away from people who want to know about Jesus goes up and busy I was at the Geneva at the UN and there was human rights groups Iranian people human rights advocates that kept coming after me and saying you know I don't think I'm a Muslim anymore I think I'm agnostic but I but I'm we've heard testimonies from the prison about your husband people that have been freed and we want to know about this Jesus he seems to be God of love and so you know people that people people have come to me atheists you know Muslims doesn't matter they said there's something about this Jesus that you're you know your husband's willing to pay a price and you have so much peace because it's not possible and so I think when we connect to the vine and we can get rid of our selfish ways and self selfishness and say Lord if you died on the cross I can die to my flesh today and give life to my family I can get over myself I can get over poor me I need to be treated I need this I need that and I can pour life into my family and I can pour life into my community and and then the world will see the beauty of Jesus when you get rid of yourself and allow him to shine and and before the world sees that your family is going to see it and you're going to leave a legacy that way it's just it's it's easy it's just you connect to him if so I want to invite you if you don't know Jesus Christ you know I want to invite you to accept him as your Lord and Savior and find this amazing life that no matter what's happening in your life there's might be storms and rain and waves and whatever you can be at peace you can be okay you can have peace and joy in the worst time of your life because you have this connection with the God who made you who makes you okay who takes away all the fears all anxiety he makes you okay he's the only one who can do that so if you don't know him I want you I invite you to accept him and if you do know him I ask you to step from that from being in the vine to abiding in him I invite you to go in his presence and enjoy him and cherish him and just be filled you know you don't have to be forced to eat the Bible for me I long I can't I was telling Murray I was I can't even face people if I haven't faced Jesus first I I honestly I can't I wake up in the morning my husband's not there I'm in a hotel I'm alone my kids are separate from me I haven't seen my kids in two years either then you know going non-stop trying everything and you know I can't imagine my husband being in prison one more day and then so it's I wake up to this new life that I don't necessarily like and I have to die to myself and I you know and God just every day his grace is sufficient for me and so every day is just I have to hear his word I have to go in his presence before I can even have the strength to get up and so you know the trials of your life if you I know all of us have it it's okay it's just make forcing you into this intimacy with Christ where you can't get up unless you he gives you the strength and if you're there it's okay if you're going through a lot of relationship drama you know Paul says in 2nd Corinthians 12 verse 8 through 10 he says you know he has a thorn in his side who wants it removed you know I one side was arrested I wanted this thorn removed like just take it Lord and in verse 10 it says Paul you know and God says my grace is sufficient verse 10 Paul says I therefore I take pleasure in infirmity and reproach and need and persecution and distress who takes pleasure in need in distress when your life is in chaos and distress and upside down but Paul takes the pleasure because he's learned to this in the midst of all this it's an opportunity to discover your weakness and discover the strength of Christ and see Christ work through your life and so I encourage you just allow embrace the suffering allow it to take you to Jesus abide in him take time to abide in him and you know everything else the Lord just does he's looking he's allowing situations in your life because he's looking for that intimacy he wants you he's jealous he's jealous for you and so someone might be breaking someone who you've thought is this is you know someone who you looked up to maybe broke here has broken your heart or something or a situation but God's like take your eyes off of that look at me he's allowed you to be heartbroken over that situation so he wants you he's you know he's in love with you he wants all of your attention he's jealous for you and I just encourage you to abide in him today and