 Let us step on it, Rochester. Yes, sir. It'll be nice to get to the studio before my broadcast starts. Don't worry, boys. We'll have time to spare if the wind don't change. I don't want to be late, especially after being off the program last Sunday. You know, I was a little worried about that. I was afraid my gang wouldn't be able to do a show without my being there. Yeah, who would ever think a program could be that funny with the both of us just listening in? Yes, it did go over pretty well. Say, boys, that's the first time you ever missed a broadcast, ain't it? No, it happened once before when I fell asleep at a movie. It was my picture, too. I can't understand it. Is everything comfortable there in the back seat, Mr. Billingsley? Oh, fine, thank you. It's awfully nice of you to give me this lift. Oh, don't mention it. I wouldn't have bothered you, but my magic carpet is at the cleaners. I told you, boys, that man's cuckoo. He is not. Rochester, what's the idea of driving on this little side street? We always take Sunset Boulevard to the studio. Well, the policeman told me that on Saturdays, Sundays, and holidays, we've got to keep this car off the main drag. Oh, Rochester, you'll say anything to run down my Maxwell. I wouldn't mind it so much, boys, if you'd just fixed the springs in this cushion. Never mind. Every time I ride this thing, I get the Marvisoro. Too bad about you. Oh, Mr. Billingsley, are you sure you wouldn't like to come to the broadcast with me? No, thanks. You brought me off at the bowling alley. I'm going to have this ball taken off my thumb. I don't blame you. It must be a nuisance. I'll never eat tappy again while I'm bowling. I was wondering how it happened. Rochester, will you please drive a little faster? I've got a program to do. I hope it's as good as last week. That Mr. Marshall is sure great. Oh, I thought Herbert Marshall was all right. Everybody's raving about him, boys. You couldn't have got a better man to take your place. I didn't want a better man. I made a mistake. That's all. I have my head examined. He's the talk of the town from Central Avenue to the sea. Oh, don't get so poetic. Just drive me to the studio and forget about Herbert Marshall. I sure laughed when he looked at Mr. Harrison and said, weird fellow, isn't he? Hee-hee-hee-hee. What's funny about that? And another thing, Rochester, you don't have to enjoy him quite so much. Who pays you, Mr. Marshall or me? Lately, it's been salinated. Unless you expect your luck to continue right through Bay Meadows, you better curb your enthusiasm. Now get me to the studio. Can we give you a lift, babe? Mr. Billingsley, please. That girl is a total stranger. Drive on, Rochester. She was kind of cute, though. Hey, hey, help, help. Dello program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with Emporia Kansas Stomp. During the past 40 years, I suppose that literally millions of housewives have said to their grocers, jello, please. But this after-peeded phrase has recently been revised. Nowadays, housewives all over the country are saying jello and jello puddings, too. For today, friends, there's a new member of the famous jello family, jello puddings, three grand, creamy puddings that bear the same name as jello, that have the same high jello quality and that sell for the same low jello price. Jello puddings are rich mellow puddings, the smoothest cream and full of luscious flavor. And like jello, they take only a few pennies to buy a few minutes to make. Be real sure the next time you order jello, ladies and gentlemen, you order jello puddings, too, in all three flavors, dark, rich chocolate, smooth, delicate vanilla, and golden butterscotch. Remember, jello puddings are made by the makers of jello so you know they're good by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, after a week's absence from the jello program, let us welcome back our good old master of ceremonies, Mr. Jack Marshall. What? For Benny, Jack Benny. Jalogen, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, you were a little mixed up on that introduction, weren't you? Yes, I was, Jack, and I'm sorry. It was just a slip of the tongue. Well, don't worry about it, Don. It could easily happen. After all, you've been with me only eight years and I've been away for one whole week. So it's only natural that you'd forget my name. Well, Jack, the only excuse I can offer is that since Herbert Marshall was on the show last week and did such a grand job, I've subconsciously connected you with him. I see. Well, don't give it another thought, Don. It's a very common mistake. In fact, if I should happen to walk in on our program some Sunday night and call you Harry von Zell, it'll be von Zell, believe me. I'm not too subtle. Now, wait a minute, Jack. There's no reason for you to feel jealous of Bart Marshall. You may have done a very good job, but there's no one who can ever take your place in our hearts. Don, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a big fat hypocrite. A lot you and the rest of the gang care about me. The way you all drooled over Marshall last Sunday was revolting. Hello, Jack. How was your trip to New York? Well, if it isn't, kiss me, my darling. What are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about. I heard you last week when you kept asking Marshall for a kiss. Now, you didn't even know the man. I do now, Bob. That's not the point. You didn't have to act like a schoolgirl. Well, I couldn't help it. Gee, he's wonderful. Oh, everyone's wonderful to you, but me. By the way, Mary, Bart took you to Ciro's for dinner after the show last Sunday, didn't he? Yes, Don, and don't talk about it. I was so embarrassed in front of Mr. Marshall, I nearly died. Burst? Well, what for, Mary? Well, the head waiter had seen me there with Jack so many times, he gave us each our own check. Now, listen, Mary, the only time you ever pay your own check is when you order a la carte. The regular dinner is always on me, and you know it. Gee, Mr. Marshall is such a gentleman. After we left Ciro's, he took me straight to my house, took hands, and said good night. Well, why shouldn't he? He didn't try to put his foot in the door like you used to do. Oh, for crying out loud. Don't kidding, Mary, well, Jack, that kind of a guy. Now, wait a minute. As long as Mary's telling stories about me, let's get it straight. Look, Don, years ago, when Mary first came to work for me in New York, it was raining one night, so I said to her, you live way over in Plainfield. Can I take you home? Can I take you home girly? Oh, I'd go. Everybody said it in those days. Anyway, Don. Yes? Anyway, I put on my yellow slicker. With hat to match. It was a set. All the fellas were wearing, man. Anyway, Don, when we got to Plainfield, it was still raining. And the only reason I put my foot in the door was because I wanted to come in and have a cup of coffee. There. There. That's the whole story. It is not. When you put your foot in the door, pop a bitch your ankle. Well, how did I know he was laying there? And if you remember Miss Livingston, that's the last time that... Oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. What's steaming? Was everything solid in New York? What? Did you latch on? Were you in there jumping? Weird fellow, isn't it? Oh, Jack, stop, will you? That's exactly what Mr. Marshall said last week. Yeah, Herbie pulled that one. What a fuss you're all making over that guy. Now, wait a minute, Jack. What are you so upset about? It was all your idea. Yes, you asked Mr. Marshall to be on the program. You asked him to take your place. I didn't ask him to get laughs. He's a legitimate actor, and he double-crossed me. That'll never happen again. Well, I'll say one thing about Herbie. He's sure got a lot of class. I'll tell you, Jackson, that guy's swabber than me. Uh, he's distinguisher, too. Swabber. And Mr. Marshall, you know, and Mr. Marshall thinks... Marshall, Marshall, that's all I've heard tonight. Well, I guess that's about all the loyalty I can expect from this gang. That's life for you. Guy leaves the program, and the minute his back is turned, boom, the dagger. Boom is for a gun. All right. The dagger. But that's the way it goes. I've never seen it to fail. If my father told me once, he told me a thousand times, son, stay out of show business. Don't leave the clothing store. Says, I need you. You're the best dummy I've got in my window. He didn't say that. But no, I had to be a wise guy. I had to leave Warkegon. So long, Dad. I'm going to Kenosha. Kenosha? They had boardable there. And that was the beginning. I had to get in the show business. Better play, Phil. I'll never forget that opening night. Gee, I was a big hit. I thought they'd never stop. Then came Elkhart Indiana. Oh, pardon me. That was You Can Depend on Me played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Say, Jackson, did you hear the song I did last week? The one I wrote myself? You mean the one about ham hocks and butter beans? Yeah, I heard it, Phil, but I don't get it. What does it mean? It don't mean nothing. It's just gastronomical. That's all. Yeah, I heard you say that before. Phil, um... What does gastronomical mean? Gastronomical. I don't want to spell, Phil. I don't want to spell. I want to know what it means. Well, it's easy enough to figure out. Let's break it down. Okay. Gastronomical. Break it down. Well, gas. Gas is what you buy in a filling station. Uh-huh. And troll. Troll means like when you throw a ball. I see. That's gastro. Now, what's nomical? That's a monocle, but I'll settle for nomical. So according to your definition, Phil, gastronomical is an Englishman with a monocle in his eye standing in a gas station throwing a ball. Now, what's that got to do with your song? Are you trying to befoddle me? Oh, Phil, I just want to show you that you don't know what you're talking about. Oh, hello, Dennis. Ladies and gentlemen, before Dennis says hello to Jack, let me tell you about Jello, America's favorite gelatin dessert. Don, the kid's waiting. It's not only gastronomical and easy to make, but comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. So look for the big red letters on the box. Okay, now you can sit down. Thank you. Uh, that chair will never smile again. They can sweep that up. Can I say hello now? Yes, hello, Dennis. Hello, Mr. Benny, what's going on? Oh, nothing. Boy, did we have a program last week. Who was responsible for that hilarious half-hour? The big movie star, Hubert Marshall. Yes, yes, I know, Dennis. I heard all about it. Are you worried, bub? Dennis, you don't know it, but it's not too late for you to become a policeman. So watch it. A lot of people, a lot of people missed me last Sunday. Fred Allen didn't. He said it was the best Jello show he ever heard. Oh, he did, eh? Yes, he said it was the first time our broadcast had any class to it. Well, Allen's a fine one to talk about class. Any man that can be on a gasoline program for six months and still have those spots on his vest. Well, and now, ladies and gentlemen, I saw him on the street in New York. He ran down the subway like a rat. What a coward. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction tonight, the Benny Little Theater Bunch will present their version of Somerset Mom's Great Play and Warner Brothers' sensational picture The Letter. Wait a minute, Jack. We did The Letter last week with Herbert Marshall. And we're doing it again tonight with me. Show that guy how to play it. Mary, what are you doing there? I'm printing a sign. I'm going to pick at you. Put down that pencil. Whether you like it or not, right after Dennis's song, we're going to do this play. Me neither. Jack, I think you're very silly to do it. Well, that tops everything. If I were to save my money, I'd quit radio right this minute. What? I said if I were to save my money, I'd quit radio. You've saved enough tinfoil alone to retire. What a girl. I maybe have 75 pounds of tinfoil and right away I can retire. Anyway, fellas, we're doing our version of The Letter and that's final. So, Dennis, go ahead with your song. Okay. Say, Mr. Benny, what's tinfoil selling for now? I'm sorry, Mr. Benny. And, Dennis, I hate to bring it up right now, but I was out in my backyard this morning and I noticed that while I was in New York, you did not mow my lawn. I'm sorry, Mr. Benny, but I was pretty busy last week. Well, sorry, isn't quite enough, Dennis. You see, a contract is a contract. And when you signed your name to that little piece of paper, you agreed to sing and mow for me. So, tomorrow morning, I'd better hear a familiar rattle in my backyard. Well, I'm going to be pretty busy too. Dennis, are you going to mow that lawn or do I have to take you to court? Now, it's up to you, kid. What's it going to be? Okay, but I'm going to run over the petunias. You'll do nothing of the kind. And while we're on the subject, Dennis, next time I wish you'd mow the lawn straight. Don't spell out down with Benny. Now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction, The Letter. Holy smoke, he's going through with it. Yes, Phil. Now, I'll play the part portrayed on the screen by H.M. That of Robert Crosby, the rubber planter. And, Mary, you're going to be Leslie Crosby, my wife. I won't say kiss me, my darling. Yes, you will. It's here in the script. Now, Don... I won't put any feeling into it. You will, too. I will not. According to my contract, all I have to do is tell jokes and manicure your nails every Friday. That's so. My contract says I have to tell jokes and play music. Phil, your contract says that you tell jokes and play good music. The word good is in there. Don't you remember? We scratched that out. Oh, yes. Your lawyer said it was irrelevant, immaterial and impossible. Anyway, getting back to our play, Phil, you're going to be the... Come in. Hey, it's Mr. Marshall. Hello, everybody. What brings you here? Better have a good reason. Jack, old boy, I simply had to drop in tonight and thank you for asking me to take over your program last Sunday. It was a delightful experience. I know. And you seem to have gone over very big. Oh, I wouldn't say that exactly. Oh, yes. Yes, you did. What a ham. Well, it was nice of you to drop in, Bart. You know everybody here. Of course, of course. Hello, Don. Well, hello, Bart. Glad to see you again. And Phil, how are you? How are you? Sonja Claxton. Give out with the news. Sonja Claxton? An extraordinary creature, isn't she? Oh, positively weird, I always say. And Mary, Mary dear, I didn't see you standing there. You look charming this evening. With these goose pimples? Now, cut that out. Well, Bart, if you'll excuse me, we'll get on with our play. We're going to do the letter, you know. The letter? I did that last week. Very good, too. You were excellent. Oh, Jack, I thought it was just fair. Fair nothing, Bart. You were terrific. Boy, is he conceited. Now, if you don't mind, old boy, we'll go ahead with it. Say, Bart, look what I've got on. Why, Mary, are you still wearing that orchid I gave you last Sunday? Yes, and I'm going to wear it till there's nothing left but the tin foil. Then Jack takes over. Now, stop showing off. Very good, Mary. Don't encourage her, please. Gee, Bart, didn't we have fun at Ciro's the other night? Yes, indeed. Of course, I'll never get up with the weight of handling as he's a check. Hmm. Mary was telling me about that. Well, Bart, if you don't mind... Hey, Hubert, remember me? Dennis, will you pipe down? Come on, fellas, let's get going with the play. So long, Bart. Goodbye, Jack, and thanks again. Say, Bart, as long as you're here, why don't you stay and watch Jack play your part? Well, yes, that might be fun. Yes, do stay. Don had to open his big fat mouth. Let's go, shall we? Sit down, Bart. Dennis, get Mr. Marshall a chair. Well, don't bother. I'll stand right here. Hmm. Okay. Okay, hmm. Now, the opening scene of the play... The opening scene is the courthouse in Singapore in the Malay Peninsula. I will play the part of Robert Crosby, the rubber plant. That's rubber platter. Well, he makes me nervous. Gee. I'm sorry, Jack, I'll go over and sit down. Okay. Mary, let go of him. As I said before, the opening scene is the courthouse in Singapore. As the curtain rises... Oh, darn it, who's that? Answer the phone, Mary. Okay. Hello? Who? Mr. Harrington? Mr. Harrington, that's my sponsor. Give me the phone, Mary. He wants to talk to Mr. Marshall. Oh. Oh, it's for... Oh, it's for you, Hubert. Herba. Our sponsor would like to talk to you. Your sponsor? I don't know what he wants. So do I. Answer the phone. Here. Thank you. Hello? Yes, this is Hubert Marshall. Oh, well, thank you very much, Mr. Harrington. I was awfully sweet of you. Yes, I thought it went over fairly well. Sure, for one show. Let it play. I tried doing it week after week. What's that, Mr. Harrington? Oh, no. No. No, I couldn't have been that good. Week after week, that's the test. What's that? Your wife liked it, too. What does she know? Well, please tell me, Mrs. Harrington, how much I appreciate that. She never did like me. That's what I'm up against. Well, thanks again, Mr. Harrington, and I'm so glad you called. Goodbye. Well, it was nice of my sponsor to call you, Bart. Yes, and he seems to be such a lovely fellow. Oh, he is. He is. You know, Jack, I'd like to have you introduce me to him sometime. I just hope you live that long. Ladies and gentlemen, for our play, the letter. I mean, the letter. The letter. Let's do the letter. Mary, we're going to do the letter. Hey, Jack, look at your watch. We haven't got time to do a play. Well, it's not my fault. I started to do it ten minutes ago. Anyway, we're going through with it. Get your parts, everybody. Jack, they'll take you off the air. They wouldn't dare. Let's go. The opening scene, ladies and gentlemen, is the courthouse in Singapore. Let it be called the wife of Robert Crosby, a rubber planner's on trial for her life. And as a curtain rises, she's being escorted to the crowded courtroom by her attorney, Howard Smith. Next time you give a party, friends, your invitations would be as follows. You are cordially invited to attend a party at our house. Jello will be served. Well, one thing's sure, the guest will be on hand when the happy day arrives. Because Jello, ladies and gentlemen, holds an invitation no one can resist. And folks just naturally seem to know that when there's Jello for dessert, the party is bound to be a lot of fun and a big success. Jello's brilliant glowing colors add a charming touch to the table. Make Jello the ideal dessert for all festive occasions, and the rich intriguing flavor of Jello is just as delightful as the juicy ripe fruit itself. Better yet, parties that feature Jello are easier to give because Jello takes only a few minutes to make and a few pennies to buy. So keep plenty of Jello on hand for the parties ahead, and for regular family desserts. Order all of Jello's six delicious flavors and be sure you include strawberry and raspberry Jello. Each has a new improved flavor obtained by using a natural flavor base artificially enhanced. And they're both better than ever. Enjoy Jello's distinctive goodness and enjoy it often. This is the last number of the 19th program in the current Jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank Mr. Alton Cook and the radio editors of the United States and Canada for the honors accorded us in the recent World Telegram poll. I also want to thank my listeners and my authors, Bill Morrow and Ed Beloyne. And oh yes, I want to thank Mr. Herbert Marshall for stealing my show last week. Good night, folks. I'm not really mad.