 So one of our newer members posted a question on the group that I thought would be worth exploring today Which centers around somebody she met in a dance class and I happens to be a bit older than her and he I'm not sure exactly how he may have gotten her contact information, but Information to her Memes and that sort of thing and he made a request to ask her out on a date And so they went out on a date now. I'm just going to make an assumption here to Guess that this man is probably in his 50s or 60s again. I'm just guessing here Because the actual age wasn't given so during the date she noticed that he seemed a bit socially awkward and it turns out that they have a mutual friend a roommate of hers in the past and He made a sexual reference between the two of them And she was very off-putting by that, you know, and it wouldn't she expressed that this was a Disrespectful comment, which I think was very appropriate on her part and the question is why would men do that? so I'm thinking back now to when I went through a divorce and this was a decade and a half ago or Well well over a decade and a half ago The world has changed dramatically for for those of us that were either baby boomers or early gen Xers The way we met people in the world versus today with the advent of technology Now you might be going. Well, how does this apply to that? Well? I think you know when you when you look at how we met people in the past and how we Interacted with the people in the past and what I'm really talking about is 30 plus years ago The world has changed Significantly because of technology because of our little smartphones and whatnot. We now have Access to people in ways. We didn't have before. Okay. Yeah, how does this relate? Well, I think people are socially awkward certainly those of us who are baby boomers or early gen Xers because we aren't really comfortable with communication via technology Now I recognize that what happened in this particular case was a Inter, you know face-to-face interaction, but we we've been bombarded with Information in such ways that we were never used to before whether it's social media Whether it's just the bombardment of television, you know with news channels and such like that So I think human beings have become rather Socially awkward even if they're not socially awkward in addition. There's been a big change in the way men view women That's right. There's been a big change in the way men view women I think the beginning of the feminist movement and certainly the advent of birth control has changed how men view women Yeah, you might be thinking okay. What's going on here? Well with the respects the feminist movement I want to just take us back maybe 60 70 years ago men predominantly in the hierarchy if you will were more predominant than women Because they were the primary breadwinners in relationships and thankfully now women are no longer as Dependent upon men as they were in the past number number one number two with birth control There isn't the the ability to have casual sex these days. Excuse me casual sex these days makes it The the the respect men have for women I think in the past was a bit different Then today because of the ability to have casual sex with a person without any consequence of You know a nine-month delivery happening. Okay, so with that I do believe on some level men have value women less than they did maybe in the 50s Okay, now. I'm just this is my hypothesis. I'm not suggesting this as a fact. This is my perception so when you take socially awkward people that aren't familiar with technology and then and and the not just familiar with technology, but the bombardment of technology Which is very socially awkward for people that may not have experienced that in their previous dating life and then a slight Disrespect for women these days. It's understandable why so many men Might be a bit crass when it comes to women in this particular case his sexual innuendo That he shared to this person Now she's asking me whether or not she should give this guy a chance Well, I certainly do believe that by establishing a boundary With this person is a very healthy thing to do and I get the sense that she established a boundary This but this comes back to are you do you want to invest in a person that isn't aligned to who you are and what you want? So let's just give him the benefit of doubt. You just had a momentary faux pas folks. Let me just tell you something I have been I Have experienced something similar to him in other words I've gone on first dates with women and I have probably dropped some sexual innuendos now in some ways The reason why I was doing it was testing, you know, there's the Disrespect of women, but there's also testing women on their sexual boundaries And I've been slapped down for that So I am guilty of what he has done to some degree and most men are guilty of that to some degree because again It's not as if men haven't tested women's sexual boundaries that happen even pre birth control It's just when you add socially awkwardness the the world is somewhat socially awkward these days And if a person is also socially awkward, you know, they might have Asperger's they might have some autistic You know, they might have some traumas, you know in their lives that might cause them that I think testing boundaries is something men do on a sexual level so You know and I'll be candid with you even, you know to some degree even with my own relationship I tested some sexual boundaries early on Thankfully, she you know didn't make a mountain out of a molehill to some degree and and The fact that she established those boundaries allowed me to take a step back and say, you know what? I really value this person because she has such healthy boundaries I'm here to say ladies. It is important that you establish your standards early on in the dating process and within those standards Establishes the boundaries now. I like the way Brené Brown illustrates boundaries as what's okay, and what's not okay for me. What's okay, and what's not okay for me and so part of the whole dating process is a a a Testing of boundaries for both men and women alike women test men's boundaries men test women's boundaries At the end of the day, what's critically important as are you two on the same page and just like what I teach in my private coaching is It's interesting. What I teach in my private coaching is exactly the way my relationship with Marie Was established we laid our cards on the table very quickly We operated from a place of radical honesty now while Marie Intuitively knew all this many women don't know how to do this. That's why they come to a coach like myself So I can I can help prepare you to do the things that you may not been trained because in some ways You know, we're we're all socially awkward in the dating mating and relating realm because We don't know what those standards are anymore and quite frankly and listen I I interview lots of women per week per month for my coaching program and they all come to me saying the same thing Jonathan, I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want in the form of a relationship And then they go through this proprietary coaching program I created and can you guess what they say every single time? I didn't know what I wanted. Why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Folks without clarity on the type of relationship that you seek and again, you all think this But it until you actually get it from the baseline level because if you don't know the way a relationship works We all we've been indoctrinated to believe that chemistry equals relationship success And that's not the case and you wouldn't be here You wouldn't be here in this group If you really believe that and if you still believe that let me just tell you let me dispel this myth It is not the case Being aligned on your values being aligned on your lifestyle and more importantly be aligned on emotional maturity Requires you to become a detective In fact, what I teach my coaching is like you being your own matchmaker The matchmaker's job is to vet the person before they put the two people together They vet both people before they put them together. Well, these days we have to become our own matchmaker To find someone that you're truly aligned with and you know, I say this a bit humbly but also a bit braggadocious. I am so incredibly grateful I found a partner that we're very aligned because We each did the work in advance to get to this place of clarity and thankfully because of that I believe we're a magnetic attractor for one another So if you need help with that, you know schedule a discovery call with me That's my area of expertise, but more importantly Recognize that testing boundaries many men will test a woman's boundaries sexually a woman test boundaries Emotionally speaking I think women tend to test men's boundaries in the area of communication and men tend to Test women's boundaries in the area of sex Okay, so do you give this guy a second chance? Yeah, you know, you really have nothing to lose by You know, you could take a fence or you can take umbridge to what happened And certainly we can all criticize him and he's crude and he's disrespectful and he's he's a piece of trash Or you can simply say, you know what he's just a guy doing a guy thing that's what guys do be grateful that we have a sexual desire for you because a lot of guys in midlife don't have that and You know go out one more time. See if you actually mesh to one another However, I only recommend that if you're going to explore a relationship with someone make sure That you've done the vetting to determine. Do you share the same values are your lifestyles? Blendable and more importantly, is this person emotionally mature enough to actually Be in partnership with you and the sooner you do that the better because what you don't want to end up is in a Relationship that fizzles out and yet you've given your heart to someone and that stings even more. All right Hey, folks, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this Please post a comment below if this resonated with you if you have something to share I'd like to hear about it as always if you find value in the group, please tell your friends about midlife love mastery Send them to my website Jonathan as a calm have them click the group coaching button to join our fantastic group And I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love. There's a teddy bear Because we can all you hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye now. Bye