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BDSM - a guide to safe master/slave relationships from Mistess M

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Published on Sep 6, 2010

I swear I am not making this up - I week ago I got a message for Mistress M from a young lady asking for advice about finding herself as new master in the BDSM world, which stands for Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism in case you didn't know. THE VERY NEXT MESSAGE was from a different young lady OFFERING advice about how to lead a safe BDSM lifestyle and suggesting Mistress M share the tips. So here we are.

And here are the tips:

1. Safe, Sane and Consensual- This is the first rule for every public BDSM/fetish club in Australia. While the 'sane' measure of this can be variable, beginners need to remember they're beginners and there's no shame in taking baby steps.

2. Don't be irrational. The concept of rushing into an intense relationship with an intense person can be very appealing to people, especially when the offer of 'collaring' is involved (collaring is where you're 'bound' to another person with a collar. The concept is that it's very permanent, cementing the Dominant/submissive type relationship).

3. You have a right to feel comfortable. If someone is making you uncomfortable with what they are doing to you, or saying to you, tell them that you feel uncomfortable and you want them to stop. The dungeon master (Or, y'know, security outside) should be more than willing to help you if they persist.

4. Respect. More often than not, these clubs are very friendly and far more approachable than any other club I've been to (creepers are inevitable, though). People will let you feel the texture of their clothes and sometimes be more than willing to give you a taste of whatever skill they appear to have brought with them. Being respectful to the people around you and not mouthing off ignorantly about their apparent fetish is a must. If you've got something negative to say, keep it to yourself.

5. Consent- can be withdrawn at any time. This can be done with objects or words, known as 'safety words' or items. If they continue after you have used your safety code it becomes assault, make the biggest, noisiest scene you can so someone else is alerted. If you see someone who has had their safety code ignored, raise the word.

6. Go with a friend. There's something a little terrifying about being by yourself in a club full of people wearing tight laced corsets and latex, flogging each other, pouring hot wax on one another or zapping each other with electrical instruments. Observing the first time is a good idea. Or even the first four times.

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