 you are perfect the way that you are no matter what has happened to you and there is nothing wrong with you. It's true but do you believe it? Today we're gonna be talking about the fact that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are literally perfect as you are and you are not broken in any sort of way there is nothing that has ever been wrong with you and everything that's ever happened to you is absolutely perfect and you might hear that and be like oh well there's a lot of things that have happened to me that are bad or there are a lot of things that have happened to me that I didn't want to happen and I have this an episode that has this flavor every single year I guess you could say because I get this a lot in my line of work of self-improvement what tends to happen is is when somebody decides that they want to improve themselves it's kind of like a veil being lifted to all of the things that need some improvement and so when we start to see the things that we've been blind to I'll be honest with you ignorance is bliss if I was ignorant to the fact that I don't need to improve myself and there's things that I need to work on this would be pretty damn blissful but I don't think that I would have the life that I want to and I think that's for most people if you listen to this podcast it's because you do want to learn you do want to grow you do want to get better but in turn when you say getting better that means there's things that you might want to quote-unquote fix and so we're gonna talk about everything that's happened to you once again like I said in my line of work with self-development I've seen it all like I've heard the worst stories that you could hear from all of the different things that people go through you know I've seen all kinds of abuse I've seen mental abuse I've seen physical abuse I've seen sexual abuse I've seen people who have had their parents murdered I've had seen people who have had family members murdered I've people who have had attempted murder on them all kinds of things that have happened all kinds of different traumas all kinds of different abuses I've seen you know suicides that people have had around them I've seen people who have attempted suicide multiple times I've seen people who have you know have been around murderers I've seen people who have you know been sexually assaulted I've seen all of the worst things in the world and it really opens you up to number one the compassion and half for people because you start to see that some people that even look like they have it all together to have other things that they're dealing with at all points in time and it really makes you have compassion for people and realizing that you never really know what someone's going through like you never know what's actually happening in someone's mind in someone's life unless they're fully open authentic with you a lot of times people are not and so I've seen a lot of the worst things and so when you look at those things like you know abuses and suicides and murders and parents that have drug problems or alcohol problems or parents that you know commit suicide and all of these things those are all traumas and if you're listening to me and you're like well I haven't had all of those things happen to me I've had a pretty good childhood I had things you know happen throughout my life but it was nothing that was that bad of trauma I'm gonna bring this frame in just so you can understand before you go deeper into it the trauma that happens to you in your life doesn't have to be quote-unquote massive trauma to leave a really deep scar some people feel bad because their lives have been pretty good and I talk with a lot of people who have had like great lives they have great parents but they still have things that they're trying to overcome they happen because you can't go through this life without some scars like it's impossible to go through this life and not have some scars there's still bullies there's still you know advertisements that are telling us that we're not good enough unless we buy their products there's comparing ourselves to other people on Instagram and other people's businesses there's always comparisons and they feel like they don't they feel like they don't deserve to feel like they have trauma because they didn't have any what we would call quote-unquote massive trauma in their life you know some people listening you might not have had those massive traumas maybe you weren't beaten maybe you weren't sexually assaulted any of those things but maybe you know your your dad worked all of the time and he never gave the love that you actually wanted or the love that you actually deserved and maybe he wasn't there for you you know but he was doing his best in trying to provide for the family and in turn he was very absent that's also a form of trauma or you know some people your your mother could have gotten mad at you in the way that she quote-unquote disciplined you was by pulling her love away that right there is a form of trauma it's not physical abuse it's not any of those things that I mentioned earlier but it is a form of trauma because a child is not getting what they need in that moment which the most important thing is just love from their parents acceptance from their parents emotional safety from their parents and some people you know your mom or your dad or someone might have pulled love away from you and or as a way to reprimand you that is a trauma and a lot of people go through that as well some people your mom might have been afraid she was a very fearful person because she was taught to be afraid of the world and so she might have instilled a lot of fear into you and I see this a lot with people where it's like my mom was great she loved me so much my dad was great he let me so much but the thing that they did was they instilled so much fear into me about the real world because they didn't want me to go out and be naive and get myself into a bad situation that is a form of trauma in some people's case trauma can just be absolute neglect you know a lot I mean a lot a lot of people just have emotional neglect from their parents not on purpose because everybody's doing the best with what they have but they have a form of trauma because they didn't get the love that they wanted as a kid or they didn't they didn't their parents might not have been good with emotion and so they don't understand how to overcome their emotions so they were kind of left in this void of I'm feeling all these feelings I don't know what's going on and nobody's here to support me that's also neglect that's also trauma neglect can be emotional trauma it can be an emotional neglect it can be physical neglect it doesn't have to be a big quote-unquote big trauma because all trauma in the brain is trauma Dr. Gabor Monta talks about this he Dr. Gabor Monta is a psychologist who helped people on the streets in Canada who were addicted to heroin and he did this for 12 years and what he started to notice was that every single person that had some form of an addiction had some form of trauma that was not overcome the drug use a lot of times was a way to numb the feeling or to run away from the feeling of that trauma that they had whether it was a big trauma and I'm gonna keep saying quote-unquote big trauma or big a quote-unquote small trauma big trauma and small trauma is a human measurement it's not a nervous system measurement the nervous system in the brain and the body all measure trauma is trauma no matter how big it is no matter how small it is and trauma at its simplest form is just not getting what you need in your development as a child that's it at its simplest form the trauma that you receive is that you can have as a child is not getting what you need in your development it can be from your parents most of the time it is from their parents but it's also from people that you're close to it can be teachers that you can trauma from it could be bullies that you get trauma from there's so many different forms of it and it's important to know that trauma is trauma don't judge your trauma against somebody else's don't do don't do trauma comparison it could be a big event that closes you off to your development later on in life you know it could be somebody you know you a form of trauma happens with a lot of people as you get into your first real relationship you fall in love with somebody when you are 15 16 years old and you fully open yourself up to this feeling of love and they're fully in that feeling of love with you and then maybe they go in cheat on you or maybe you fully open yourself up and tell your your best friend about this boy that you have a crush on and you're you fully open about oh my gosh this boy he's just so cute and then your friends go tell that boy and it's like it's it's a little bit of a closing off from the world to protect yourself we learn to close off to protect yourself but there's one thing that's very common among all of these things and this is why I say there's nothing wrong with you or near perfect is that one thing that's very common in the sense is people feel a sense of brokenness I remember I was talking to somebody after I give a speech there was a young lady they came up to me and she's like asking me questions she's like if I you know I'll just kind of tell you a little bit of her story without going too much into it you know she was she was sexually assaulted when she was younger and she said since this sexual assault I felt like there's a piece of me that's missing is what her words were there's a piece of me that's missing that is just so you guys have an idea that is a story that's being told now what happened to her was absolutely terrible of course you don't want to wish that on anybody but the story that she's been telling herself since that event that is a story that she needs to change is there's something missing and so to kind of wake her up to this idea I looked at her and I had a good enough rapport with her I go I was looking at her I looked at her arms and I looked at her legs and I looked at her hands and I looked at her feet and I said what part of you is missing and she goes what do you mean I said well there's a part of you that's missing where where is the missing part and she's like well no there's not a missing part like it just feels like there's something missing I said okay what is missing and she couldn't answer the question of what was missing which kind of woke her up to the fact that she's telling herself a story and she's now identified herself that story and she's living her entire life with something in me is missing and it came from that developed a lack of self worth and lack of confidence and a lot of other things that we ended up working through a lot of people feel broken when they have something happens them they feel like they're not whole, they feel like they're not whole and because they're not hold they're not worthy there, they're also worthy of love, they're worthy of respect, they are worthy of success, they're not worthy of a lot of different things and because they deep down subconsciously feel like they're not worthy they don't actually go for what it is that they want in life because they don't feel like they are Worthy they don't think that they're worthy and they feel like something's wrong with them And they feel like they don't deserve to be happy. They don't deserve to be healthy Don't serve to be wealthy. They don't deserve to be successful They don't deserve it because their identity is I'm not worthy their identity is Something is wrong. I'm not whole and I don't deserve to get whatever it is that I want and the example that I love And I love it because I get tagged in it all the time I get tagged and posts all the time on Instagram For people who have Of videos of three-legged dogs I want to take you out of the human experience real quick and I want to put you into just an experience three-legged dogs I love three-legged dogs. Do you want to know why? Because a three-legged dog when they lose their leg Nothing changes. They don't think differently of themselves. They are still the happiest dog that exists Right and they'll hobble around and they'll still run as full speed as they possibly can But what's happening? They still have their tail wagging all the time I love it because they have the same amount of joy. They have the same amount of love They have the same amount of happiness that they had before that leg was taken away and for us when we experience trauma sometimes One of the things that happens is we feel like there's now something wrong with us And this happens even with people sometimes if people lose an arm Sometimes people feel like they're not worthy if someone will lose as a leg They feel like sometimes they're not worthy because they feel like they're now less than and the reason why I'm bringing these up is because It literally the the the event happening to you Is now created a story and that story needs to you need to figure out that story as an empowering story Or if it's a disempowering story and if it's disempowering What is the story that you now want to start telling yourself? You know, we have uh, you guys have heard me talk about toby before Toby's our 13 year old dog and um, he's starting to lose his eyesight He still walks around the house wagging his tail and he doesn't see as well as he used to You know, he'll go around and he'll look for us and if he can't sometimes we'll be like 20 feet away And he doesn't see us 20 feet away. He doesn't see us because we're not moving whatever it is But in watching him lose his eyesight, he still sees a little bit in watching him lose his eyesight his demeanor has not changed in any sort of way At all but if that were a human sometimes we feel like there's something missing something lacking We can compare ourselves to other people and so how can we essentially start to live our lives like a three-legged dog Is what I want to think about they have a A something that could be considered wrong with them But they don't see as anything wrong with them And so many humans say like I feel I feel broken. I don't feel whole I feel like part of me is missing a part of me was stolen Whenever they have stuff like that whether it's emotional trauma Whether it's physical trauma whether it's losing an arm or losing a leg a losing eyesight or losing hearing All of it that I want to get back to is just the story that you're telling yourself Which is why I start off saying you're already perfect. There's nothing wrong with you Is because you are perfect the way that you are no matter what has happened to you And there is nothing wrong with you and that's the story that I want you to start learning to tell yourself It's true But do you believe it because ultimately in the grand scheme of of life it is true But do you believe that and the more you repeat a story the more you believe it And so there's a there's a real famous quote that says if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it People will eventually come to believe it if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it people will eventually come to believe it You know who said that hitler Some of us are hitler in our own mind And we just have a story that we latch on to this event happened to me There's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me If you keep telling yourself, there's something wrong with you You will find all of the things that are wrong with you because nobody is perfect But if you start telling yourself, I am perfect. There is nothing wrong with me I am perfect. There is nothing wrong with me. You'll start to see all of the places where you are perfect You'll start to see all of the places where here is nothing wrong with you those things that happen to you are just a piece Of what happened to you in your past. You're not broken. You're not unholy. You're not unlovable You're not unworthy. It's not that something's missing. It's just that you won't stop repeating the story That something is missing or that you are unlovable that you are unholy There is something wrong with you You have to start listening to the story that's playing inside of your head when no one else is around And ask yourself is that the story I want to tell myself because it cannot be your identity If it's not empowering do not allow anything to be your identity if it's not empowering if you Tell a child that there's monsters under the bed every single day They're going to be terrified to go to bed if you tell them every single day They're going to grow up with always looking for something to attack them always worried about it They might be afraid of that they might be a 35 year old adult That's afraid of the dark in some sort of way because there's a story that's been told to them Question I have for you is what monsters have you been creating by telling yourself the same story over again and over again And over again and over because ultimately you're telling yourself a lie There's a couple things that you could do to try to start to solve this if this has been hitting home with you In some sort of I want to give you four five pieces five pieces to actually Overcoming and solving this it's not a an overnight thing You know if you've been telling yourself the same story for 35 years You're not going to tell yourself this just today and wake up tomorrow and be like oh my god I'm just I'm saved um my trauma has disappeared all the negative things have been telling myself are gone My identity is completely changed. It's an everyday thing that we have to work at and so how do we solve this first number one Talk to somebody talk to anybody tell somebody Actually, what's going on in your head you have to realize if you keep it in the dark Shame breeds in the dark So now not only do you have this thing that you're thinking about now you're breeding shame By not talking about or feeling bad about it And so you've got to talk with somebody and actually just be around somebody who ultimately you know We'll look at you with love and acceptance and no matter what is it you can say to them It's not going to change their idea of you and so the first thing I think that's super important Is just start to talk to people that was one of the things that not one of things This is the probably the the biggest thing I've ever gotten from starting this podcast Is I used to not talk about my father and him being an alcoholic and him dying And then when I started the podcast I was like I'm going to just be as authentic as I possibly can Having this podcast and sharing my truth and all of my And how I'm not a perfect person. I never intend to be a perfect person I'm just working through things has been so cathartic for me. So is there a somebody that's in your life Even if it's just one person that you can talk to that's number one talk somebody number two Start to tell yourself a new story become aware of the story that you're telling yourself And start to change it stop the story When you start to notice it go on in your head and switch it to a new one and repeat it all day What is the affirmation that you need to start repeating yourself over and over and over and over the same way That if you listen to a song And you hear it over and over and over again The song turns off and you just continue to keep hearing that song You continue to keep Just having the song stuck in your head well a song that's stuck in your head about who you are and your identity Is it the one that you actually want? So that's number two number three accept it Accept that what happened to you happened to you accept that this is who you are Accept that you've gone through the things that you've gone through don't wish that it would have been different Accept it as peter krone always says one of my favorite quotes What happened happened and could not have happened any other way because it didn't What happened happened and could not have happened any other way because it didn't so you have to accept it Number four is to then forgive forgive that person. I know it's hard But I did an episode last week you can go back and listen to about forgiveness In the importance of forgiveness. This is super super important I go really in depth as far as if you want peace in your life You've got to learn to forgive and you've got to fully let go of it So forgive that person not just for for them, but for yourself as well forgive yourself For what you've done in your life forgive yourself forgive them forgive everyone that you can because If you try to hold on to this resentment It's like the phrase says holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies It's only affecting you. So you've got to learn to forgive and then the fifth thing Ultimately come to terms journal this out. Whatever is you have to do realize that you're not broken Understand that you're not broken your trauma builds you your trauma comes into your life There's a great uh documentary called the wisdom of trauma by the guy who was talking about earlier, dr. Gabor mate. It's called the wisdom of trauma. He talks about how your trauma builds you your trauma is Is almost like sent to you from god or the universe to help build you into the person She knew but it's like it's like instead of asking for god to make you stronger Ask him to give you challenges that make you stronger. These are the challenges that were brought to you This is the life that you have been given Can you build a new identity for yourself in that trauma and realize that you can find it a way To make it part of your empowering story versus something that holds you back from life that you want Hey, thanks so much for watching this video if you want to learn even more about master your mind Click right here and watch this video as well. You would have stolen from yourself too You would have cheated on yourself too. So let's dive deep into this one