 CHAPTER 16 BELVAIN ENJOYS HERSELF The entrance of an attendant into his room that morning to bring him his early brand-mash had awakened Udo. As soon as she was gone he jumped up, shook the straw from himself and said, in a very passionate longing, Bo, Bo, Bill, Bo, Wo, Wo, Will, Wo. He felt it was his last chance. Exhausted by his effort he fell back on the straw and dropped asleep again. It was nearly an hour later that he became properly awake. Into his feelings I shall not enter at any length. I leave that to Roger Skirbylegs. Between ourselves, Roger is a bit of a snob. The degradation to a prince of Araby to be turned into an animal so ludicrous, the delight of a prince of Araby that we're gaining his own form. It is this that he chiefly dwells upon. Really I think you or I would have been equally delighted. I am sure we can guess how Udo felt about it. He strutted about the room. He gazed at himself in every glass. He held out his hand to an imaginary hyacinth with, ah, dear princess, and how are we this morning? Never had he felt so handsome and so sure of himself. It was in the middle of one of his pirouettings that he caught sight of the unfortunate brand-mash and uttered the remarkable words which I have already recorded. The actual meeting with hyacinth was even better than he had expected. Hardly able to believe that it was true, she seized his hands impulsively and cried, oh, Prince Udo, oh, my dear, I am so glad! Udo twirled his moustache and felt a very gay dog indeed. At breakfast, where Udo did himself extremely well, they discussed plans. The first thing was to summon the Countess to their presence. An attendant was sent to fetch her. If you would like me to conduct the interview, said Udo, I have no doubt that—I think I shall be all right now that you are with me. I shan't feel so afraid of her now. The attendant came in again. Her ladyship is not yet down your royal highness. Tell her that I wish to see her directly she is down, said the princess. The attendant withdrew. You were telling me about this army of hers, said Udo. One of my ideas, I had a good many while I was in retirement, was that she could establish the army properly at her own expense and that she herself should be perpetual orderly sergeant. Isn't that a nice thing to be? asked Hyacinth innocently. It's a horrible thing to be. Another of my ideas was that the attendant came in again. Her ladyship is a little indisposed and is staying in bed for the present. Oh, did her ladyship say when she thought of getting up? Her ladyship didn't seem to think of getting up at all today. Her ladyship told me to say that she didn't seem to know when she'd get up again. The attendant withdrew, and Hyacinth and Udo, standing together in a corner, discussed the matter anxiously. I don't quite see what we can do, said Hyacinth. We can't pull her out of bed. Besides, she may really be ill, supposing she stays there forever. Of course, said Udo, it would be rather. You see if we—we might possibly— Good morning all, said Belvane, sweeping into the room. She dropped a profound curtsy to the princess. Your royal highness, and dear Prince Udo, looking his own charming self again. She had made a superb toilet. In her flowing gold brocade, cut square in front to reveal the whitest of necks, with her black hair falling in two braids to her knees and twined with pearls which were caught up in loops at her waist, she looked indeed a queen, while Hyacinth and Udo, taken utterly by surprise, seemed to be two conspirators whom she had caught in the act of plotting against her. I—I thought you weren't well, Countess, said Hyacinth, trying to recover herself. I not well, cried Belvane, clasping her hands to her breast. I thought it was his royal highness who—ah, but he's looking a true prince now. She turned her eyes upon him, and there was in that look so much of adoration, humor, appeal, impudence. I don't know what, and Roger cannot tell us either, that Udo forgot entirely what he was going to say and could only gaze at her in wonder. Her mere entry dazzled him. There is no knowing with a woman like Belvane, and I believe she had purposely kept herself plain during these last few days, so that she might have the weapon of her beauty to fall back upon in case anything went wrong. Things had indeed gone wrong. Udo had become a man again, and it was against the man that this last weapon was directed. Udo himself was only too ready. The fact that he was once more attractive to a woman meant as much as anything to him. To have been attractive to Hyacinth would have contented most of us, but Udo felt a little uncomfortable with her. He could not forget the last few days, nor the fact that he had once been an object of pity to her. Now Belvane had not pitied him. Hyacinth had got control of herself by this time. "'Enough of this countess,' she said with dignity. "'We have not forgotten the treason which we are plotting against the State. We have not forgotten your base attack upon our guest, Prince Udo. I order you now to remain within the confines of the palace until we shall have decided what to do with you. You may leave us.'" Belvane dropped her eyes meekly. "'I am at your royal highness's commands. I shall be in my garden when your royal highness wants me.' She raised her eyes, gave one fleeting glance to Prince Udo, and withdrew. "'A hateful woman,' said Hyacinth. "'What shall we do with her?' "'I think,' said Udo, that I had better speak to her seriously first. I have no doubt that I can drag from her the truth of her conspiracy against you. There may be others in it, in which case we shall have to proceed with caution. On the other hand it may just be misplaced zeal on her part, in which case—' Was it misplaced zeal which made her turn you into a—' Udo held up his hand hastily. "'I have not forgotten that,' he said. "'Be sure that I shall exact full reparation. Let me see, which is the way to her garden?' Hyacinth did not know quite what to make of her guest. At the moment when she first saw him in his proper form, the improvement on his late appearance had been so marked that he had seemed almost the handsome young prince of her dreams. Every minute after that had detracted from him. His face was too heavy. His manner was too pompous. One of these days he would be too fat. Moreover he was just a little too sure of his position in her house. She had wanted his help, but she did not want so much of it as she seemed to be likely to get. Udo, feeling that it was going to be rather a nice day, went into Belvane's garden. He had been there once before. It seemed to him a very much prettier garden this morning, and the woman who was again awaiting him much more desirable. Belvane made room for him on the seat next to her. "'This is where I sit when I write my poetry,' she said. I don't know if your royal highness is fond of poetry.' "'Extremely,' said Udo. I have never actually written any, or indeed read much, but I have a great admiration for those who admire it. But it was not to talk about poetry that I came out here, Countess.' "'No,' said Belvane. "'But your royal highness must have read the works of Sacharino, the famous bard of Arapi.' "'Sacharino, of course. Blood for something—something—he who's something—' I mean, it's a delightful little thing. Everybody knows it. But it was to talk about something very different that I—' "'Blood for blood and shun for shun. He who runs may read my room,' quoted Belvane softly. "'It is, perhaps, Sacharino's most perfect gem.' "'That's it!' cried Udo excitedly. I knew I knew it, if only I could—' He broke off suddenly, remembering the circumstances in which he had wanted it. He coughed importantly and explained for the third time that he had not come to talk to her about poetry. "'But, of course, I think his most noble poem of all,' went on Belvane, apparently misunderstanding him. "'Is the ode to your royal highness upon your coming of age? Let me see. How does it begin?' "'Prince Udo, so dashing and bold, is apparently eighteen years old. It is eighteen years since this wonderful prince was born in the palace, I'm told.' "'These court poets,' said Udo, with an air of unconcern. Flatter one, of course.' "'If he expected a compliment, he was disappointed.' "'There I cannot judge,' said Belvane, "'until I know your royal highness better.' She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes. "'Is your royal highness very dashing?' "'I—er—well—er—one—that is to say—' He waited on uncomfortably, feeling less dashing every moment. He should have realized at once that it was an impossible question to answer. "'Your royal highness,' said Belvane, modestly, "'must not be too dashing with us poor Euralians.' For the fourth time Udo explained that he had come there to speak to her severely, and that Belvane seemed to have mistaken his purpose. "'Oh, forgive me, Prince Udo,' she begged. "'I quite thought that you would come out to commune soul to soul with a fellow lover of the beautiful.' "'No,' said Udo. "'Not exactly.' "'Then what is it?' she cried, clasping her hands eagerly together. "'I know it will be something exciting.' Udo stood up. He felt that he could be more severe a little further off. He moved a few yards away, then turned round towards her, resting his elbow on the sundial. "'Countess,' he began sternly. "'Ten days ago, as I was starting on my journey hither, I was suddenly—' "'Just a moment,' said Belvane, whispering eagerly to herself rather than to him, and she jumped up with a cushion from the seat where she was sitting, and ran across and arranged it under his elbow. "'He would have been so uncomfortable.' She murmured, and she hurried back to her seat again, and sat down and gazed at him, with her elbows on her knees and her chin resting on her hands. "'Now go on telling me,' she said breathlessly.' Udo opened his mouth with the obvious intention of obeying her, but no words came. He seemed to have lost the thread of his argument. He felt a perfect fool stuck up there with his elbow on a cushion, just as if he were addressing a public meeting. He looked at his elbow as if he expected to find the glass of water there ready, and Belvane divined his look and made a movement as if she were about to get it for him. It would be just like her. He flung the cushion from him. "'Oh, mind my roses,' cried Belvane, and came down angrily to her. Belvane looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. "'You—you—oh, don't look like that.' "'Like that?' said Belvane, looking like it again. "'Don't do it,' shouted Udo, and he turned and kicked the cushion down the flagged path. Stop it.' Belvane stopped it. "'Do you know?' she said. "'I'm rather frightened of you when you're angry with me. I am angry—very, very angry—excessively annoyed. "'I thought you were,' she sighed. "'And you know very well why.' She nodded her head at him. "'It's my dreadful temper,' she said. "'I do such slotless things when I lose my temper.' She sighed again and looked meekly at the ground. "'Uh—well, you shouldn't,' said Udo weakly. "'It was the slight to my sex that made me so angry. I couldn't bear to think that we women couldn't rule ourselves for such a short time, and that a man had to be called in to help us.' She looked up at him shyly. "'Of course I didn't know then what the man was going to be like. But now that I know—' Suddenly she held her arms out to him beseechingly. "'Stay with us, Prince Udo, and help us. Men are so wise, so brave, so—so generous. They know nothing of the little petty feelings of revenge that women indulge.' "'Really, Countess, we—er—you—er—' Of course there is a good deal in what you say, and I—er—' "'Won't you sit down again, Prince Udo?' Udo sat down next to her. "'And now,' said Belvane. "'Let's talk it over comfortably, as friends should.' "'Of course,' began Udo. I quite see your point. You hadn't seen me. You didn't know anything about me. To you I might have been just any man. I knew a little about you when you came here. Beneath the—er—outward mask, I saw how brave and dignified you were. But even if I could have got you back into your proper form again, I think I should have been afraid to, because I didn't know then how generous, how forgiving you were.' It seemed to be quite decided that Udo was forgiving her. When a very beautiful woman thanks you humbly for something you have not yet given her, there is only one thing for a gentleman to do.' Udo patted her hand reassuringly. "'Oh, thank you, your royal highness.' She gave herself a little shake and jumped up. "'And now shall I show you my beautiful garden?' "'A garden with you in it, dear Countess, is always beautiful,' he said gallantly, and it was not bad, I think, for a man who had been living on water-cress and brown-mash only the day before.' They wandered round the garden together. Udo was now quite certain it was going to be a nice day. It was an hour later when he came into the library. Hyacinth greeted him eagerly. "'Well,' she said, Udo nodded his head wisely. "'I have spoken to her about her conduct to me,' he said. "'There will be no more trouble in that direction, I fancy. She explained her conduct to me very fully, and I have decided to overlook it this time. But her robberies, her plots, her conspiracy against me!' Udo looked blankly at her for a moment and then pulled himself together. "'I am speaking to her about that this afternoon,' he said. End of Chapter 16. Recording by Sarah Luann, Provo, Utah Chapter 17 of Once on a Time. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Sarah Luann, Once on a Time, by A. A. Milne. Chapter 17. The King of Barodia Drops the Whisker Habit King Merrowig sat in his tent, his head held well back, his eyes gazing upwards. His Rubikund cheeks were, for the moment, a snowy white. A hind of the name of Carlo had him firmly by the nose. Yet King Merrowig neither struggled nor protested. He was, in fact, being shaved. The court barber was in his usual conversational mood. He released his majesty's nose for a moment and, as he turned to sharpen his razor, remarked, "'Terrible, Warless.' "'Terrible,' agreed the King. "'Don't seem no end to it like.' "'Well, well,' said Merrowig. "'We shall see.' The barber got to work again. "'Do you know what I should do to the King of Barodia if I had him here?' Merrowig did not dare to speak, but he indicated with his right eye that he was interested in the conversation. "'I'd shave his whiskers off,' said Carlo, firmly. The King gave a sudden jerk, and for the moment there were signs of a battle upon the snow. Then the King lent back again, and in another minute or so the operation was over. "'It will soon be all right,' said Carlo, mopping at his majesty's chin. "'Your majesty shouldn't have moved.' "'It was my own fault, Carlo. You gave me a sudden idea, that's all.' "'You're welcome, your majesty.' As soon as he was alone the King took out his tablets. On these he was accustomed to record any great thoughts which occurred to him during the day. He now wrote them in these noble words. "'Jewels of wisdom may fall from the meanest of hinds.' He struck a gong to summon the Chancellor into his presence. "'I have a great idea,' he told the Chancellor. The Chancellor hid his surprise and expressed his pleasure. "'Tonight I propose to pay a secret visit to his majesty, the King of Barodia. Which of the tents yonder have my spies located as the royal one? The big on the centre, above which the royal arms fly. I thought as much. Indeed, I have often seen his majesty entering it. But what prefers to do these things according to custom? Acting on the information given me by my trusty spies, I propose to enter the King of Barodia's tent at the dead of night and—' The Chancellor shuddered in anticipation. And shave his whiskers off.' The Chancellor trembled with delight. "'Your Majesty,' he said in a quavering voice. "'Forty years, man and boy, have I served your Majesty and your Majesty's late lamented father, and never have I heard such a beautiful plan.' Meroig struggled with himself for a moment, but his natural honesty was too much for him. It was put into my head by a remark of my court barbers, he said casually, but of course the actual working out of it has been mine. "'Jewels of wisdom,' said the Chancellor, said intentionally, may fall from the meanest of hinds.' "'I suppose,' said Meroig, taking up his tablets and absently scratching out the words written thereon, there is nothing in the rules against it.' "'By no means, Your Majesty. In the annuals of Uralia there are many instances of humor similar to that which Your Majesty suggests. Humor, if I may say so, which, while evidencing to the ignorant only the lighter side of war, has its roots in the most fundamental strategical considerations.' Meroig regarded him with admiration. This was indeed a Chancellor.' "'The very words,' he answered, which I said to myself when the idea came to me. The fact,' I said, that this will help us to win the war, must not disguise from us the fact that the King of Barodia will look extremely funny without his whiskers. Tonight I shall sally forth and put my plan into practice.' "'At midnight, then,' he started out. The Chancellor awaited his return with some anxiety. This might well turn out to be the decisive stroke, or strokes, of the war. For centuries past the ruling monarchs of Barodia had been famous for their ginger whiskers. As lost as the King of Barodia without his whiskers was indeed a proverb of those times. A King without a pair, and at such a crisis in his country's fortunes, it was inconceivable. At the least he would have to live in retirement until they grew again, and without the leadership of their King the Barodian army would become a rabble.' The Chancellor was not distressed at the thought. He was looking forward to his return to Eurelia, where he kept a comfortable house. It was not that his life in the field was uninteresting. He had as much work to do as any man. It was part of his business, for instance, to test the pretensions of any new wizard or spellmonger who was brought into the camp. Such and such a quack would seek an interview on the pretext that for five hundred crowns he could turn the King of Barodia into a small black pig. He would be brought before the Chancellor. You say that you can turn a man into a small black pig, the Chancellor would ask. Yes, your Lordship, it came to me from my grandmother. Then turn me, the Chancellor would say simply. The so-called wizard would try. As soon as the incantation was over, the Chancellor surveyed himself in the mirror. Then he nodded to a couple of soldiers, and the imposter was tied backwards on a mule and driven with jeers out of the camp. There were many such imposters, who at least made a mule out of it, and the Chancellor's life did not lack excitement. But he yearned now for the simple comforts of his home. He liked pottering about his garden when his work at the palace was finished. He liked over the last meal of the day to tell his wife all the important things he had been doing since he had seen her, and to impress her with the fact that he was the holder of many state secrets which she must not attempt to drag from him. A woman of less tact would have considered the subject closed at this point, but she knew that he was only longing to be persuaded. However, as she always found the secrets too dull to tell anyone else, no great harm was done. "'Just help me off with this cloak,' said a voice in front of him. The Chancellor felt about until his hands encountered a solid body. He undid the cloak, and the King stood revealed before him. Thanks. Well, I've done it. It went to my heart to do it at the last moment, so beautiful they were, but I nerved myself to it. Poor soul, he slept like a lamb through it all. I wonder what he'll say when he wakes up. "'Did you bring them back with you?' asked the Chancellor excitedly. "'My dear Chancellor, what a question!' he produced them from his pocket. "'In the morning we'll run them up on the flagstaff for all Barodia to see.' "'He won't like that,' said the Chancellor, chuckling. "'I don't quite see what he can do about it,' said Marrowig.' The King of Barodia didn't quite see either. A fit of sneezing woke him up that morning, and at the same moment he fell a curious draught about his cheeks. He put his hand up and immediately knew the worst. "'Hello there,' he bellowed to the sentry outside the door. "'Your Majesty,' said the sentry, coming in with alacrity. The King bobbed down at once. "'Send the Chancellor to me,' said an angry voice from under the bed-clothes. When the Chancellor came in it was to see the back only of his August monarch. "'Chancellor,' said the King, "'prepare yourself for a shock.' "'Yes, sir,' said the Chancellor, trembling exceedingly. "'You are about to see something which no man in the history of Barodia has ever seen before.' The Chancellor, not having the least idea what to expect, waited nervously. The next moment the tent seemed to swim before his eyes, and he knew no more. When he came to, the King was pouring a jug of water down his neck, and murmuring rough words of comfort in his ear. "'Oh, Your Majesty,' said the poor Chancellor. "'Your Majesty, I don't know what to say, Your Majesty.' He moped at himself as he spoke, and the water trickled from him onto the floor. "'Pull yourself together,' said the King sternly. "'We shall want all your wisdom, which is notoriously not much, to help us in this crisis.' "'Your Majesty, who is dared to do this grievous thing?' "'You fool, how should I know? Do you think they did it while I was awake?' The Chancellor stiffened a little. He was accustomed to being called a fool, but that was by a man with a terrifying pair of ginger whiskers. From the rather fat and uninspiring face in front of him, he was inclined to resent it. "'What does Your Majesty propose to do?' he asked shortly. "'I propose to do the following. Upon you rests the chief burden.' The Chancellor did not look surprised. "'It will be your part to break the news as gently as possible to my people. You will begin by saying that I am busy with a great enchanter who is called to see me, and that therefore I am unable to show myself to my people this morning. Later on in the day you will announce that the enchanter has shown me how to defeat the wicked Euralians. You will dwell upon the fact that this victory, as assured by him, involves an overwhelming sacrifice on my part, but that for the good of my people I am willing to endure it. Then you will solemnly announce that the sacrifice I am making have indeed already made is nothing less than— What are all those fools cheering for out there?' A mighty roar of laughter rose to the sky. "'Here, what's it all about? Just go and look.' The Chancellor went to the door of the tent and saw. He came back to the king, striving to speak casually. Just a humorous emblem that the Euralians have raised over their camp, he said. It wouldn't amuse your Majesty. "'I am hardly in a mood for joking,' said the king. "'Let us return to business. As I was saying, you will announce to the people that the enormous sacrifice which their king is prepared to make for them consists of—' There they go again. I must really see what it is. Just pull the door back so that I may see without being seen.' It really wouldn't amuse your Majesty.' "'Are you implying that I have no sense of humor?' said the king sternly. "'Oh, no, Sire, but there are certain jokes, jokes in the poorest of taste, that would naturally not appeal to so delicate a pallet as your Majesty's. This, er, strikes me as one of them. Of that I am the best judge,' said the king coldly. Open the door at once.' The Chancellor opened the door, and there before the king's eyes, flaunting themselves in the breeze beneath the royal standard of Euralia, waved his own beloved whiskers. The king of Barodia was not a lovable man, and his daughters were decidedly plain, but there are moments when one cannot help admiring him. This was one of them. "'You may shut the door,' he said to the Chancellor. "'The instructions which I gave to you just now,' he went on in the same cold voice, are cancelled. Let me think for a moment.' He began to walk up and down his apartment. "'You may think, too,' he added kindly, "'if you have anything not entirely senseless to suggest, you may suggest it.' He continued his pacing. Suddenly he came to a dead stop. He was standing in front of a large mirror. For the first time since he was seventeen he had seen his face without whiskers. His eyes still fixed on his reflection. He beckoned the Chancellor to approach. "'Come here,' he said, clutching him by the arm. "'You see that?' he pointed to the reflection. "'That is what I look like? The mirror hasn't made a mistake of any kind. That is really and truly what I look like?' "'Yes, Sire.' For a little while the king continued to gaze, fascinated at his reflection, and then he turned on the Chancellor. "'You coward!' he said. "'You weak-kneed, jelly-sold, paper-livered imitation of a man. You cringe to a king who looks like that. Why, you ought to kick me!' The Chancellor remembered that he had one kick owing to him. He drew back his foot and then a thought occurred to him. "'You might kick me back,' he pointed out. "'I certainly should,' said the king. The Chancellor hesitated a moment. "'I think,' he said, that these private quarrels in the face of the common enemy are to be deplored. The king looked at him, gave a short laugh, and went on walking up and down. "'That face again!' He sighed as he came opposite the mirror. "'No, it's no good. I can never be king like this. I shall abdicate. "'But your Majesty, this is a very terrible decision. Could not your Majesty live in retirement until your Majesty had grown your Majesty's whiskers again? Surely this is—' The king came to stand opposite him and looked down on him gravely. "'Chancellor,' he said, "'those whiskers which you have just seen fluttering in the breeze have been for more than forty years my curse. For more than forty years I have had to live up to those whiskers, behaving not as my temperament, which is a kindly, indeed a genial one, bade me to behave, but as those whiskers insisted I should behave. Arrogant, hasty tempered, overbearing—these are the qualities which have been demanded of the owner of those whiskers. I played a part which was difficult at first. Of late it has, alas, been more easy. Yet it has never been my true nature that you have seen.' He paused and looked silently at himself in the glass. "'But your Majesty,' said the Chancellor eagerly, "'why choose this moment to abdicate? Think how your country will welcome this new king whom you have just revealed to me. And yet,' he added regretfully, "'it would not be quite the same.' The king turned round to him. There spoke a true Barodian, he said. It would not be quite the same. Barodians have come to expect certain qualities from their rulers, and they would be lost without them. A new king might accustom them to other ways, but they are used to me, and they would not like me different. No, Chancellor, I shall abdicate. Do not wear so sad a face for me. I am looking forward to my new life with the greatest of joy.' The Chancellor was not looking sad for him. He was looking sad for himself, thinking that perhaps a new king might like changes in chancellors equally with changes in manners or whiskers. "'But what will you do?' he asked. I shall be a simple subject of the new king, earning my living by my own toil.' The Chancellor raised his eyebrows at this. "'I suppose you think,' said the king hotly, that I have not the intelligence to earn my own living.' The Chancellor, with a cough, remarked that the very distinguished qualities which made an excellent king did not always imply the corresponding erd and so on. "'That shows how little you know about it. Just to give one example, I happen to know that I have in me the makings of an excellent swine-herd.' "'A swine-herd?' The man who erred the swine. It may surprise you to hear that, posing as a swine-herd, I have conversed with another of the profession upon his own subject without his suspecting the truth. It is just such a busy outdoor life as I should enjoy. One herds, and one milks, and one milks, and—er—herds, and so it goes on day after day.' A happy smile, the first the Chancellor had ever seen there, spread itself over his features. He clapped the Chancellor playfully on the back and added, "'I shall simply love it.'" The Chancellor was amazed. What a story for his dinner parties when the war was over. "'How will you announce it?' he asked, and his tone struck a happy mean between the tones in which you address a monarch and a pig-minder, respectively. "'That will be your duty. Now that I have shaken off the curse of those whiskers, I am no longer a proud man, but even a swine-herd would not care for it to get about that he had been forcibly shaved while sleeping. That this should be the last incident recorded of me in Barodian history is unbearable. You will announce, therefore, that I have been slain in fair combat, though at the dead of night, by the king of Euralia, and that my whiskers fly over his royal tent as a symbol of his victory.' He winked at the Chancellor and added, "'It might as well get about that someone had stolen my magic sword that evening.'" The Chancellor was speechless with admiration and approval of the plan. Like his brother of Euralia, he too was longing to get home again. The war had arisen over a personal insult to the king. If the king was no longer king, why should the war go on? "'I think,' said the future swine-herd, that I shall send a note over to the king of Euralia, telling him my decision. Tonight, when it is dark, I shall steal away and begin my new life. There seems to be no reason why the people should not go back to their homes to-morrow. By the way, that guard outside their nose that I wasn't killed last night. That's rather awkward.' "'I think,' said the Chancellor, who was already picturing his return home, and was not going to be done out of it by a common sentry. I think I could persuade him that you were killed last night.' "'Oh, well then. That's all right.' He drew a ring from his finger. "'Perhaps this will help him to be persuaded. Now leave me while I write to the king of Euralia.' "'It was a letter which Meroid was decidedly glad to get. It announced bluntly that the war was over and added that the king of Barodia proposed to abdicate. His son would rule in his stead, but he was a harmless fool, and the king of Euralia need not bother about him. The king would be much obliged if he would let it get about that the whiskers had been won in a fair fight. This would really be more to the credit of both of them. Personally he was glad to be rid of the things, but one has one's dignity. He was now retiring into private life, and if it were rumored abroad that he had been killed by the king of Euralia, matters would be much more easy to arrange. Meroid slept late after his long night abroad, and he found this note waiting for him when he awoke. He summoned the chancellor at once. "'What have you done about those—er, trophies?' he asked. "'They are fluttering from your Flagstaff, Sire, at this moment.' "'Ah, and what do my people say?' "'They are roaring with laughter, Sire, at the whimsical nature of the jest.' "'Yes, but what do they say?' "'Some say that your majesty, with great cunning, ventured privily in the night to cut them off while he slept, others that with great bravery you defeated him in mortal combat and carried him away as the spoils of the victor.' "'Oh, and what did you say?' The chancellor looked reproachful. "'Naturally, your majesty, I have not spoken with them.' "'Ah, well, I have been thinking it over in the night, and I remember now that I did kill him. You understand?' "'Your majesty's skill and swordplay will be much appreciated by the people.' "'Quite so,' said the king hastily. "'Well, that's all. I'm getting up now, and we're all going home to-morrow.' The chancellor went out, rubbing his hands with delight. End of Chapter 17, Recording by Sarah Luann in Provo, Utah, August 2009. CHAPTER 18 OF ONCE ON A TIME This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Catherine Eastman. ONCE ON A TIME by A. A. Millney. Chapter 18. The Veteran of the Forest Entertains Two Very Young People Do you remember the day when the princess Hyacinth and Wiggs sat upon the castle walls and talked of Udo's coming? The princess thought he would be dark, and Wiggs thought he would be fair, and he was to have the purple room, or was it the blue? And anyhow, he was to put the countess in her place and to bring happiness to Eurelia. That seemed a long time ago to Hyacinth now, as once more she sat on the castle walls with Wiggs. She was very lovely. She longed to get rid of that outside help in our affairs, which she had summoned so recklessly. They were two against one now. Belvane actively against her was bad enough, but Belvane in the background with Udo as her mouthpiece, Udo specially asked in to give the benefit of his council. This was ten times worse. What do you do, Wiggs? she asked, when you are very lonely and nobody loves you. Dance, said Wiggs promptly. But if you don't want to dance? Wiggs tried to remember those dark ages about a week ago, when she couldn't dance. I used to go into the forest, she said, and sit under my own tree and by and by everybody loved you. I wonder if they'd love me. Of course they would. Shall I show you my special tree? Yes, but don't come with me. Tell me where it is. I want to be unhappy alone. So Wiggs told her how you followed her special path, which went in at the corner of the forest, until by and by the trees thinned on either side, and it widened into a glade, and you went downhill and crossed the brook at the bottom, and went up the other side until it was all trees again, and the first and the biggest and the oldest and the loveliest was hers. And you turned round and sat with your back against it and looked across to where you'd come from, and then you knew that everything was all right. I shall find it, said Hyacinth as she got up. Thank you, dear. She found it, she sat there, and her heart was very bitter at first against Udo and against Belvane, and even against her father for going away and leaving her. But by and by the peace of the place wrapped itself around her, and she felt that she would find a way out of her difficulties somehow. Only she wished that her father would come back because he loved her, and she felt that it would be nice to be loved again. It is beautiful, isn't it? said a voice from behind her. She turned suddenly as a tall young man stepped out from among the trees. Oh, who are you, please? she asked, amazed at his sudden appearance. His dress told her nothing, but his face told her things which she was glad to know. My name, he said, is Coronel. It is a pretty name. Yes, but don't be led away by it. It belongs to nobody very particular. Do you mind if I sit down? I generally sit down here about this time. Oh, do you live in the forest? I have lived here for the last week. He gave her a friendly smile and added, You're late, aren't you? Late? Yes, I've been expecting you for the last seven days. How did you know there was any me at all? smiled Hyacinth. With the movement of his hand Coronel indicated the scene in front of him. There had to be somebody for whom all this was made. It wanted somebody to say thank you to it now and then. Haven't you been doing that all this week? Me? I wouldn't presume. No, it's your glade, and you've neglected it shamefully. There's a little girl who comes here, said Hyacinth. I wonder if you have seen her. Coronel turned away. There were secret places in his heart into which Hyacinth could not come yet. She danced, he said shortly. There was silence between them for a little, but a comfortable silence, as if they were already old friends. You know, said Hyacinth, looking down at him as he lay at her feet, you ought not to be here at all, really. I wish I could think that, said Coronel. I had a horrible feeling that duty called me here. I love those places where one really oughtn't to be at all, don't you? I love being here, sighed Hyacinth. Wiggs was quite right. Seeing him look up at her, she added, Wiggs is the little girl who dances, you know. She would be right, said Coronel, looking away from her. Hyacinth felt strangely rested. It seemed that never again would anything trouble her. Never again would she have only her own strength to depend upon. Who was he? But it did not matter. He might go away, and she might never see him again, but she was no longer afraid of the world. I thought, she said, that all the men of Eurelia were away fighting. So did I, said Coronel. What are you, then? A prince from a distant country? An enchanter? A spy sent from Barodia? A travelling musician? You see, I give you much to choose from. You leave me nothing to be what I am, Coronel. And I am Hyacinth. He knew, of course, but he made no sign. Hyacinth, he said, and he held out his hand. Coronel, she answered as she took it. The brook chuckled to itself as it hurried past below them. Hyacinth got up with a little sigh of contentment. Well, I must be going, she said. Must you really be going? asked Coronel. I wasn't saying goodbye, you know. I really must. It's a surprising thing about the view from here, said Coronel, that it looks just as nice tomorrow. Tomorrow at about the same time. That's a very extraordinary thing, smiled Hyacinth. Yes, but it's one of those things that you don't want to take another person's word for. You think I ought to see for myself? Well, perhaps I will. Give me a whistle if I happen to be passing, said Coronel casually, and tell me what you think. Goodbye, Hyacinth. Goodbye, Coronel. She nodded her head confidently at him, and then turned round and went off daintily down the hill. Coronel stared after her. What is Udo doing? he murmured to himself. But perhaps she doesn't like animals. A whole day to wait. How endless! If he had known that Udo, now on two legs again, was at that moment in Belvane's garden, trying to tell her for the fifth time that week about his early life in Arabic, he would have been still more surprised. We left Coronel, if you remember, in Arabic. For three or four days he remained there, wondering how Udo was getting on, and feeling more and more that he ought to do something about it. On the fourth day he got onto his horse and rode off again. He simply must see what was happening. If Udo wanted help, then he would be there to give it. If Udo was all right again, then he could go comfortably back to Arabic. To tell the truth, Coronel was a little jealous of his friend. A certain Prince Paravale, who had stayed at his uncle's court, had once been a suitor for Hyacinth's hand, but losing a competition with the famous seven-headed bull of Uralia, which Merrywig had arranged for him, had made no further headway with his suit. This Prince had had a portrait of Hyacinth specially done for him by his own court painter, a portrait which Coronel had seen. It was for this reason that he had at first objected to accompanying Udo to Uralia, and it was for this reason that he persuaded himself very readily that the claims of friendship called him there now. For the last week he had been waiting in the forest. Now that he was there, he was not quite sure how to carry out his mission. So far there had been no sign of Udo either on four legs or on two. It seemed probable that unless Coronel went to the palace and asked for him, there would be no sign. And if he went to the palace and Udo was all right, and the Princess Hyacinth was in love with him, then the worst would have happened. He would have to stay there and help admire Udo, an unsatisfying prospect to a man in love. For he told himself by this time that he was in love with Hyacinth, although he had never seen her. So he had waited in the forest, hoping for something to turn up, and first wigs had come. And now at last Hyacinth. He was very glad that he had waited. She was there on the morrow. I knew you'd come, said Coronel. It looks just as beautiful, doesn't it? I think it's even more beautiful, said Hyacinth. You mean those little white clouds? That was my idea putting those in. I thought you'd like them. I wondered what you did all day. Does it keep you very busy? Oh, said Coronel, I have time for singing. Why do you sing? Because I am young and the forest is beautiful. I have been singing this morning too. Why? asked Coronel eagerly. Because the war with Barodia is over. Oh, said Coronel, rather taken aback. That doesn't interest you, yet if you were a Euralian. But it interests me extremely. Let us admire the scene for a moment while I think. Look, there is another of my little clouds. Coronel wondered what would happen now. If the king were coming back, then Udo would be wanted no longer, save as a suitor for Hyacinth's hand. If then he returned it would show that— But suppose he was still an animal. It was doubtful if he would go back to Araby as an animal. And there was another possibility. Perhaps he had never come to Euralia at all. Here were a lot of questions to be answered, and here next to him was one who could answer them. But he must go carefully. 97, 98, 99, 100. He said aloud. There, I finished my thinking, and you finished your looking. And what have you decided? smiled Hyacinth. Decided? said Coronel, rather startled. Oh, no, I wasn't deciding anything. I was just thinking. I was thinking about animals. So was I. How very curious, and also how wrong of you you are supposed to be admiring my clouds. What sort of animals were you thinking about? Oh, all sorts. I was thinking about rabbits. Do you care for rabbits at all? Not very much. Neither do I. They're so loppyty. Do you like lions? I think their tails are rather silly, said Hyacinth. Yes, perhaps they are. Now, a woolly lamb. I am not very fond of woolly lambs just now. No, well, they're not very interesting. It's a funny thing. He went on casually trying to steal a glancitor. That we should be talking about those three animals, because I once met somebody who was a mixture of all three together at the same time. So did I, said Hyacinth gravely. But he saw her mouth trembling, and suddenly she turned round and caught his eye, and then they burst out laughing together. Poor Wuto, said Coronel, and how is he looking now? He is all right again now. All right again. Then why isn't he—but I'm very glad he isn't. I didn't like him, said Hyacinth, blushing a little, and then she went on bravely. But I think he found he didn't like me first. He wants humor in, said Coronel. It's my business to humor him. It isn't yours. Hyacinth looked at him with a new interest. Now I know who you are, she said. He talked about you once. What did he say? asked Coronel, obviously dying to know. He said you were good at poetry. Coronel was a little disappointed. He would have preferred Hyacinth to have been told that he was good at dragons. However, they had met now, and it did not matter. Princess, he said suddenly, I expect you wonder what I am doing here. I came to see if Prince Udo was in need of help, and also to see if you were in need of help. Prince Udo was my friend, but if he has not been a friend of yours, then he is no longer a friend of mine. Tell me what has been happening here, and then tell me if in any way I can help you. You called me Hyacinth yesterday, she said, and it is still my name. Hyacinth, said Coronel, taking her hand. Tell me if you want me at all. Thank you, Coronel. You see, Coronel, it's like this. And sitting beneath Wigg's veteran of the forest, with Coronel lying at her feet, she told him everything. It seems easy enough, he said when she had finished. You want Udo pushed out, and the Countess put in her place. I can do the one while you do the other. Yes, but how do I push Prince Udo out? That's what I'm going to do. Yes, but Coronel, dear, if I could put the Countess in her place, shouldn't I have done it a long time ago? I don't think you quite know the sort of person she is. And I don't quite know what her place is either, which makes it rather hard to put her into it. You see, I don't think I told you that—that Father is rather fond of her. I thought you said Udo was. They both are. Then how simple. We simply kill Udo and—and, well, anyhow, there's one part of it done. Yes, but what about the other part? Coronel thought for a moment. Would it be simpler if we did it the other way around? He said, killed the Countess and put Udo in his place. Father wouldn't like that at all, and he's coming back tomorrow. Coronel didn't quite see the difficulty. If the King was in love with the Countess, he would marry her whatever Hyacinth did. And what was the good of putting her in her place for one day if her next place was to be on the throne? Hyacinth guessed what he was thinking. Oh, don't you see? she cried. She doesn't know that the King is coming back tomorrow. And if I can only just show her—I don't mind if it's only for an hour—that I am not afraid of her, and that she has got to take her orders from me, then I shan't mind so much all that has happened these last weeks. But if she is to have disregarded me all the time, if she is to have plotted against me from the very moment my Father went away, and if nothing is to come to her for it, but that she marries my Father and becomes Queen of Uralia, then I can have no pride left, and I will be a Princess no longer. I must see this bell-vane, said Coronel thoughtfully. Oh, Coronel, Coronel! cried Hyacinth. If you fall in love with her, too, I think I shall die of shame. With a Hyacinth, he said, turning to her in amazement. Yes, you—I didn't—you never—I— Her voice trailed away. She could not meet his gaze any longer. She dropped her eyes, and the next moment his arms were round her, and she knew that she would never be alone again. CHAPTER XIX URO BEHAVES LIKE A GENTLEMAN And now, said Coronel, we'd better decide what to do. But I don't mind what we do now, said Hyacinth happily. She may have the throne in Father and Udo, and—and anything else she can get, and I shan't mind a bit. You see, I have got you now, Coronel, and I can never be jealous of anybody again. That's what makes it so jolly. We can do what we like, and it doesn't matter if it doesn't come off. So just for fun, let's think of something to pay her out. I feel I don't want to hurt anybody today. All right, we won't hurt her, we'll humor her. We will be her most humble, obedient servants. She shall have everything she wants. Including Prince Udo, smiled Hyacinth. That's a splendid idea. We'll make her have Udo. It will annoy your father, but one can't please everybody. Oh, I can see myself enjoying this. They got up and wandered back along Wiggs's path, hand in hand. I'm almost afraid to leave the forest, said Hyacinth, in case something happens. What should happen? I don't know, but all our life together has been in the forest, and I'm just a little afraid of the world. I will be very close to you always, Hyacinth. Be very close, Coronel, she whispered, and then they walked out together. If any of the servants at the palace were surprised to see Coronel, they did not show it. After all, that was their business. Prince Coronel will be staying here, said the Princess. Prepare a room for him and some refreshment for us both. And if they discuss those things in the servants' halls of those days, and why should they not, no doubt they told each other that the Princess Hyacinth, bless her pretty face, had found her man at last. Why, you had only to see her looking at him. But I get no assistance from Roger at this point. He pretends that he has a mind far above the gossip of the lower orders. I say, said Coronel, as they went up the grand staircase. I am not a prince, you know. Don't say I have deceived you. You are my prince, said Hyacinth proudly. My dear, I am a king among men to-day, and you are my queen, but that's in our own special country of two. If you are so particular, said Hyacinth with a smile, father will make you a proper prince, directly he comes back. Will he? That's what I'm wondering. You see, he doesn't know yet about our little present to the Countess. But it is quite time we got back to Belvane. We have left her alone too long. It was more than Udo did. Just now he was with her in her garden, telling her for the fifth time an extraordinarily dull story about an encounter of his with the dragon, apparently in its dotage, to which Belvane was listening with an interest which surprised even the narrator. And then, said Udo, I jumped quickly to the right and whirling my—no, wait a bit, that was later—I jumped quickly to my left—yes, I remember it now, it was my left—I jumped quickly to my left and whirling my— He stopped suddenly at the expression on Belvane's face. She was looking over his shoulder at something behind him. Why, whoever is this? she said, getting to her feet. Before Udo had completely cleared his mind of his dragon, the Princess and Coronel were upon them. Ah, Countess, I thought we should find you together, said Hyacinth Archley. Let me present to you my friend, the Duke Coronel. Coronel, this is Countess Belvane, a very dear and faithful friend of mine. Prince Udo, of course, you know. His Royal Highness and the Countess are—well, it isn't generally known at present, so perhaps I oughtn't to say anything. Coronel made a deep bow to the astonished Belvane. You're humble servant, he said. You will, I am sure, forgive me if I say how glad I am to hear your news. Udo is one of my oldest friends. He turned and clapped that bewildered Highness on the back. Aren't you, Udo? And I can think of no one more suitable in every way. He bowed again and turned back to the Prince. Well, Udo, you're looking splendid. A different thing, Countess, from when I last saw him. Let me see, that must have been just the day before he arrived in Uralia. Ah, what a miracle worker true love is! I think one of the things which made Belvane so remarkable was that she was never afraid of remaining silent when she was not quite sure what to say. She waited, therefore, while she considered what all this meant, who Coronel was, what he was doing here, even whether a marriage with Udo was not, after all, the best that she could hope for now. Meanwhile, Udo, of course, blundered along gaily. We aren't exactly Princess. I mean, what are you doing here, Coronel? I didn't know, Princess, that you—the Countess and I were just having a little—I was just telling her what you said about—how did you get here, Coronel? Shall we tell him? said Coronel, with a smile at Hyacinth. Hyacinth nodded. I rode, said Coronel. It's a secret, he added. But I didn't know that you. We find that we have really known each other a very long time, explained Hyacinth. And hearing that there was to be a wedding, added Coronel. Bellevane made up her mind. Coronel was evidently a very different man from Udo. If he stayed in Uralia as adviser—more than adviser, she guessed—to Hyacinth, her own position would not be in much doubt. And as for the king, it might be months before he came back. And when he did come, would he remember her? But to be Queen of Araby was no mean thing. We didn't want it to be known yet, she said shyly. But you have guessed our secret, your royal highness. She looked modestly at the ground, and feeling for her reluctant lover's hand went on. Udo and I—here she squeezed the hand, and finding it was Coronel's took Udo's boldly without any more maidenly nonsense. Udo and I love each other. Say something, Udo, prompted Coronel. Er—yes, said Udo, very unwillingly, and decided that he would explain it all afterwards. Whatever his feelings for the Countess, he was not going to be rushed into a marriage. Oh, I'm so glad, said Hyacinth. I felt somehow that it must be coming, because you've seen so much of each other lately. Wigs and I have often talked about it together. What has happened to the child, thought Belvane? She isn't a child at all. She's grown up. There's no holding Udo once he begins, volunteered Coronel. He's the most desperate lover in Araby. My father will be so excited when he hears, said Hyacinth. You know, of course, that his majesty comes back to-morrow with all his army. She did not swoon or utter a cry. She did not plead the vapours or the megrums. She took unflinching what must have been the biggest shock in her life. Then perhaps I had better see that everything is ready in the palace, she said, if your royal highness will excuse me. And with a curtsy she was gone. Coronel exchanged a glance with Hyacinth. I'm enjoying this, he seemed to say. Well, she announced, I must be going in too. There'll be much to see about. Coronel was left alone with the most desperate lover in Araby. And now, said the prince, tell me what you are doing here. Coronel put his arm in Udo's and walked him up and down the flagged path. You're approaching marriage, he said. Is the talk of Araby? Naturally I had to come here to see for myself what she was like. My dear Udo, she's charming. I congratulate you. Don't be a fool, Coronel. I haven't the slightest intention of marrying her. Then why have you told everybody that you are going to? You know quite well that I haven't told anybody. There hasn't been a single word about it mentioned until you pushed your way in just now. Ah, well, perhaps you hadn't heard about it. But the princess knows and the countess knows, and I know. Yes, I think you may take our word for it that it's true. I haven't the slightest intention. What do you keep clinging to my arm like this for? My dear Udo, I'm so delighted to see you again. Don't turn your back on old friendships just because you found a nobler and a truer. Oh, very well. If you're going to drop all your former friends, go on then. But when I'm married there will always be a place for— Understand once and for all, said Udo angrily, that I am not getting married. No, don't take my arm. We can talk quite well like this. I am sorry, Udo, said Coronel Meekly. We seem to have made a mistake, but you must admit we found you in a very compromising position. It wasn't in the least compromising, protested Udo indignantly. As a matter of fact, I was just telling her about that dragon I killed in Arabia last year. Ah, and who would listen to a hopeless story like that, but the woman that one was going to marry? Once more, I am not going to marry her. Well, you must please yourself, but you have compromised her severely with that story. Poor innocent girl. Well, let's forget about it. And now tell me, how do you like Eurelia? I am returning to Arabia this afternoon, said Udo stiffly. Well, perhaps you are right. I hope that nothing will happen to you on the way. Udo, who was about to enter the palace, turned round with a startled look. What do you mean? Well, something happened on the way here. By the by, how did that happen? You never told me. Your precious countess whom you expect me to marry. How very unkind of her. A nasty person to annoy. He was silent for a moment and then added thoughtfully, I suppose it is rather annoying to think you're going to marry somebody whom you love very much and then find out you're not going to. Udo evidently hadn't thought of this. He tried to show that he was not in the least frightened. She couldn't do anything. It was only by lucky chance that she did it last time. Yes, but of course the chance might come again. You have the thing hanging over you always. She's clever, you know, and I should never feel quite safe if she were my enemy. Lovely flowers, aren't they? What's the name of this one? Udo dropped undecidedly into a seat. This wanted thinking out. The countess. What was wrong with her, after all? And she evidently adored him. Of course that was not surprising. The question was, was it fair to disappoint one who had, perhaps, some little grounds for... After all, he had been no more gallant than was customary from a prince and a gentleman to a beautiful woman. It was her own fault if she had mistaken his intentions. Of course, he ought to have left Uralia long ago. But he had stayed on and, well, decidedly she was beautiful. Perhaps he had paid rather too much attention to that. And he had certainly neglected the princess a little. After all, again, why not marry the countess? It was absurd to suppose there was anything in Coronel's nonsense. But one never knew. Not that he was marrying her out of fear. No, certainly not. It was simply a chivalrous whim on his part. The poor woman had misunderstood him and she should not be disappointed. She seems fond of flowers, said Coronel. You ought to make the palace garden look beautiful between you. Now understand clearly, Coronel. I'm not in the least frightened by the countess. My dear Udo, what a speech for a lover. Of course you're not. After all, what you bore with such patience and dignity once you can bear again. That subject is distasteful to me. I must ask you not to refer to it. If I marry the countess, you'll be a very lucky man, put in Coronel. I happen to know that the king of Uralia—however, she's chosen you, it seems. Personally, I can't make out what she sees in you. What is it? I should have thought it was quite obvious, said Udo with dignity. Well, Coronel, I think perhaps you are right and that it's my duty to marry her. Coronel shook him solemnly by the hand. I congratulate your royal highness. I will announce your decision to the princess. She will be much—much delighted. And he turned into the palace. Pity him, you lovers. He had not seen Hyacinth for nearly ten minutes. CHAPTER XXI. Coronel knows a good story when he hears it. I quote, with slight alterations, an epic by Charlotte Patacake, a contemporary poet of the country. King Merrowig I strode back from war, as many other kings had done before. Five hundred men behind him were in sight. Left right, left right, left right, left right, left right. So far as is known, this was her only work, but she built up some reputation on it, and Belvane, who was a good judge, had a high opinion of her genius. To be exact, there were only four hundred and ninety nine men. Henry Smallnose, a bowman of considerable promise, had been left behind in the enemy's country, the one casualty of war. While spying out the land in the early days of the invasion, he had been discovered by the chief armorer of Barodia at full length on the wet grass searching for tracks. The chief armorer, a kindly man, had invited him to his cottage, dried him, and given him a warming drink, and had told him that, if ever his spying took him that way again, he was not to stand on ceremony, but come and pay him a visit. Henry, having caught a glimpse of the chief armorer's daughter, had accepted without any false pride, and had frequently dropped in to supper thereafter. Now that the war was over, he found that he could not tear himself away. With King Merrowig's permission, he was settling in Barodia, and with the chief armorer's permission, he was starting on his new life as a married man. As the towers of the castle came in sight, Merrowig drew a deep breath of happiness. Home again. The hardships of war were over. The spoils of victory, wrapped up in tissue paper, were in his pocket. Days of honoured leisure were waiting for him. He gazed at each remembered landmark of his own beloved country, his heart overflowing with thankfulness. Never again would he leave Uralia. How good to see Hyacinth again! Poor little Hyacinth left all alone, but there, she had had the Countess Belvane, a woman of great experience, to help her. Belvane. Should he risk it? How much should she thought of him while he was away? Hyacinth would be growing up and getting married soon. Life would be lonely in Uralia then, unless—should he risk it? What would Hyacinth say? She was waiting for him at the gates of the castle. She had wanted Coronel to wait with her, but he had refused. We must offer the good news to him gradually, he said. When a man has just come back from a successful campaign, he doesn't want to find a surprise like this waiting for him. Just think, we don't even know why the war is over. He must be longing to tell you that. Oh, he'll have a hundred things to tell you first, but then, when he says, and what's been happening here while I've been away, nothing much, I suppose, then you can say. Then I shall say, nothing much, only Coronel, and such a clever— Oh, I have my ideas, said Coronel. Well, I'll be out of the way somewhere. I think I'll go for a walk in the forest, or shall I stay here in the Countess's garden and amuse myself with Udo? Anyhow, I'll give you an hour alone together first. The cavalcade drew up in front of the castle. Henkerchiffs fluttered to them from the walls. Trumpets were blown, hounds bade. Down the steps came Hyacinth, all blue and gold, and flung herself into her father's arms. My dear child, said Merwig as he padded her soothingly. There, there, it's your old father come back again. There, there. He padded her again as though it were she and not himself who was in danger of breaking down. My little Hyacinth, my own little girl. Oh, father, I am glad to have you back. There, there, my child, now I must say a few words to my men, and then we can tell each other all that has been happening. He took a step forward and addressed his troops. Men of Eurelia! Cheers! We have returned from a long and arduous conflict. Cheers! To the embraces! Loud cheers! Of our mothers and wives and daughters! Prolonged cheering! As the case may be. Here, here, in honor of our great victory, I decree that from now onwards tomorrow shall be observed as a holiday throughout Eurelia. Terrific cheering! I bid you all now return to your homes, and I hope that you will find as warm a welcome there as I have found in mine. Here he turned and embraced his daughter again, and if his eye traveled over her shoulder in the direction of Belvane's garden, it is a small matter, and one for which the architect of the castle, no doubt, was principally to blame. There was another storm of cheers, the battle cry of Eurelia. Ho, ho, Marowig was shouted from five hundred throats, and the men dispersed happily to their homes. Hyacinth and Marowig went into the palace. Now, Father, said Hyacinth later on, when Marowig had changed his clothes and refreshed himself, you've got to tell me all about it. I can hardly believe it's really over. Yes, yes, it's all over, said Marowig heartily. We shan't have any trouble in that direction again, I fancy. Do tell me, did the king of Barodia apologize? He did better than that. He abdicated. Why? Well, said Marowig, remembering just in time, I—er, killed him. Oh, Father, how rough of you! I don't think it hurt him very much, my dear. It was more a shock to his feelings than anything else. See, I have brought these home for you. He produced, from his pocket, a small packet in tissue paper. Oh, how exciting! Whatever can it be? Marowig unwrapped the paper and disclosed a couple of ginger whiskers, neatly tied up with blue ribbon. Father! He picked out the left one—Falms et Origo, if he had known any Latin—of the war and held it up for Hyacinth's inspection. There you can see the place where Henry Smallnose's arrow bent it. By the way, he added, Henry is marrying and settling down in Barodia. It is curious, he went on, how after a war one's thoughts turned to matrimony. He glanced at his daughter to see how she would take this, but she was still engrossed with the whiskers. What am I going to do with them, Father? I can't plant them in the garden. I thought we might run them up the flagstaff as we did in Barodia. Isn't that a little unkind now that the poor man's dead? Marowig looked round him to see that there were no eavesdroppers. Can you keep a secret? he asked mysteriously. Of course, said Hyacinth, deciding at once that it would not matter if she only told Coronel. Well, then listen. He told her of his secret journey to the King of Barodia's tent. He told her of the King of Barodia's letter. He told her more fully of his early duel with the King. He told her everything that he had said and done, and everything that everybody else had said and done to him, and his boyish pleasure in it all was so evident and so innocent that even a stranger would have had nothing more reproachful for him than a smile. To Hyacinth he seemed the dearest of fathers and the most wonderful of kings. And by and by the moment came of which Coronel had spoken. And now, said Marowig, tell me what you all have been doing with yourselves here. Nothing much, I suppose? He waited nervously, wondering if Hyacinth would realize that all was meant to include more particularly Belvane. Hyacinth drew a stool up to her father's chair and sat down very close to him. Father, she said, stroking his hand where it rested on his knee. I have got some news for you. Nothing about the Count. Nothing serious, I hope, said Marowig in alarm. It's rather serious, but it's rather nice. Father, dear, would you mind very much if I got married soon? My dear, you shall get married as soon as you like. Let me see, there were six or seven princes who came about it only the other day. I sent them off on adventures of some kind, but dear me, yes, they ought to have been back by now. I suppose you haven't heard anything of them? No, Father, said Hyacinth with a little smile. Ah, well, no doubt they were unsuccessful. No matter, dear, we can easily find you plenty more suitors. Indeed, the subject has been very near my thoughts lately. We'll arrange a little competition, and let them know in the neighbouring countries. There'll be no lack of candidates. Let me see, there's that seven-headed bull. He's getting a little old now, but he was good enough for the last one. We might—I don't want to suit her, said Hyacinth softly. I have one. Marrowig lent forward with eagerness. My dear, this is indeed news. Tell me all about it. Upon what quest did you send him? Hyacinth had felt this coming. Had she lived in modern times she would have expected the question, what is his income? A man must prove his worth in some way. I haven't sent him away at all yet, she said. He's only just come. He's been very kind to me, and I'm sure you'll love him. Well, well, we'll arrange something for him. Perhaps that bull I was speaking of. By the way, who is he? He comes from Araby, and his name is Udo, of course. Why didn't I think of him? An excellent arrangement, my dear. It isn't Udo, I'm afraid, Father. It's Coronel. And who might Coronel be? said the king, rather sternly. He's—he's—well, he's—here he is, Father. She ran up to him impulsively as he came in at the door. Oh, Coronel, you're just in time. Do tell Father who you are. Coronel bowed profoundly to the king. Before I explained myself, Your Majesty, he said, May I congratulate Your Majesty on your wonderful victory over the Brodians? From the little I have gathered outside it is the most remarkable victory that has ever occurred. But of course I am longing to hear the full story from Your Majesty's own lips. Is it a fact that Your Majesty made his way at dead of night to the king of Brodia's own tent and challenged him to mortal combat and slew him? There was an eagerness, very winning, in his eyes as he asked it. He seemed to be envying the king such an adventure—an adventure after his own heart. Merrowig was in an awkward position. He wondered for a moment whether to order his daughter out of the room. Leave us, my child, he would say. These are matters for men to discuss. But Hyacinth would know quite well why she had been sent out and would certainly tell Coronel the truth of the matter afterwards. It really looked as if Coronel would have to be led into the secret too. He cleared his throat noisily by way of preparation. There are certain state reasons, he said, with dignity. Why that story has been allowed to get about. Pardon, Your Majesty, I have no wish to— But as you know so much, you may as well know all. It happened like this. Once more he told the story of his midnight visit and of the king's letter to him. But Your Majesty, cried Coronel, it is more wonderful than ever. Never was such genius of invention, such brilliance and daring of execution. So you like it, said Merrowig, trying to look modest. I love it. I knew he'd love it. Put in Hyacinth. It's just the sort of story that Coronel would love. Tell him about how you fought the king in the beginning of the war and how you pretended to be a swineherd and how— Could any father have resisted? In a little while Hyacinth and Coronel were seated eerily at his feet and he was telling once more the great story of his adventures. Well, well, said the king at the end of it when he had received their tribute of admiration. Those are just a few of the little adventures that happened in wartime. He turned to Coronel. And so you, I understand, wish to marry my daughter? Does that surprise Your Majesty? Well, no, it doesn't. And she, I understand, wishes to marry you. Yes, please, Father. That, said Coronel simply, is much more surprising. Marowig, however, was not so sure of that. He liked the look of Coronel, he liked his manner, and he saw at once that he knew a good story when he heard one. Of course, he said, you'll have to win her. Anything Your Majesty sets me to do, it's as well, he added with a disarming smile, that you cannot ask for the whiskers of the King of Barodia. There is only one man who could have got those. Truly an excellent young man. Well, we'll arrange something, said Marowig, looking pleased. Perhaps Your Prince Udo would care to be a competitor, too. Hyacinth and Coronel interchanged a smile. Alas, Father, she said, his royal highness is not attracted by my poor charms. Wait till he has seen them, my dear, said Marowig with a chuckle. He has seen them, Father. What? You invited him here? Tell me all about this hyacinth. He came to stay with you, and he never— His royal highness, put in Coronel, has given his affections to another. Aha! So that's the secret. Now, I wonder if I can guess who she is. What do you say to the Princess Elvira of Trigong? I know his father had hopes in that direction. Hyacinth looked round at Coronel as if appealing for his support. He took a step towards her. No, it's not the Princess Elvira, said Hyacinth a little nervously. The King laughed good-humoredly. Ah, well, you must tell me, he said. Hyacinth put out her hand, and Coronel pressed it encouragingly. His royal highness, Prince Udo, she said, is marrying the Countess Belvane. CHAPTER XXI OF ONCE ON A TIME This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. ONCE ON A TIME by A. A. Milne CHAPTER XXI A SERPENT COMING AFTER UDO Belvane had now had twenty-four hours in which to think it over. Whatever her faults, she had a sense of humour. She could not help smiling to herself as she thought of that scene in the garden. However much she regretted her too hasty engagement, she was sure Udo regretted it still more. If she gave him the least opportunity, he would draw back from it. Then why not she give him the opportunity? My dear Prince Udo, I'm afraid I mistook the nature of my feelings. Said, of course, with downcast head and a maidenly blush. Exit Udo with haste, enter King Merwick. It would be so easy. Ah, but then Hyacinth would have won. Hyacinth had forced the engagement upon her, even if it only lasted for twenty-four hours. So long as it was a forced engagement, Hyacinth would have had the better of her for that time. But if she welcomed the engagement, if she managed in some way to turn it to account, to make it appear as if she had wanted it all the time, then Hyacinth's victory would be no victory at all but a defeat. Marry Udo, then, as if willingly? Yes, but that was too high a price to pay. She was by this time thoroughly weary of him, and besides she had every intention of marrying the King Euralia, to pretend to marry him until she brought the King in open conflict with him, and then having led the King to her feet to dismiss the rival who had served her turn. That was her only wise course. She did not come to this conclusion without much thought. She composed an oars to despair, an energy to an unhappy woman, and a trial with, to interfere in dukes before her mind was made up. She also considered very seriously what she would look like in a little cottage in the middle of the forest, dressed in a melancholy grey and holding communion only with the birds and trees. A life of retirement away from the vain world, a life into which no man came. It had its attractions, but she decided that grey did not suit her. She went down to her garden and sent for Prince Udo. At about the moment when the King was having the terrible news broken to him, Udo was protesting over the sundial that he loved Belvane and Belvane only, and that he was looking forward eagerly to the day when she would make him the happiest of men. So afraid was he of what might happen to him on the way back to Araby. The Countess Belvane cried Merrywick. Prince Udo married the Countess Belvane. I never heard such a thing in my life. He glared at them one after the other as if it were their fault, as indeed it was. Why didn't you tell me this before, Hyacinth? It was only just announced, Father. Who announced it? Well, Udo did, said Coronel. I never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life. I won't have it. But, Father, don't you think she'd make a very good queen? She'd make a wonderful—that has nothing to do with it. What I feel so strongly about is this. For month after month, I'm fighting in a strange country. After extraordinary scenes of violence and barrel, I come back to my own home to enjoy the—or fruits of victory. No sooner do I get inside my door than I have all this thrust upon me. All what, Father? said Hyacinth innocently. All this, said the king, with the circular movement of his head. It's too bad. Upon my word it is. I won't have it. Now mind, Hyacinth, I won't have it. But, Father, how can I help it? Marywick paid no attention to her. I come home, he went on indignantly, fresh from the spoils of victory to what I thought was my own peaceful home. And what do I find? Somebody here wants to marry somebody there, and somebody else over there wants to marry somebody else over here. It's impossible to mention any person's name in even the most casual way without being told they're going to get married or some nonsense of that sort. I'm very much upset about it. Oh, Father! said Hyacinth penitently. Won't you see the countess yourself and talk to her? To think that for weeks I have been looking forward to my return home and that now I should be met with this, it has quite spoiled my day. Father! cried Hyacinth, coming towards him without stretched hands. Let me send for her ladyship. Began Coronel. Perhaps she... No, no, said Marywick, waving him away. I'm very much displeased with you both. What I have to do, I can do quite well by myself. He strode out and slammed the door behind him. Hyacinth and Coronel looked at each other blankly. My dear, said Coronel. You never told me he was as fond of her as that. But I had no idea. Coronel, what can we do now about it? Oh, I want him to marry her now. He's quite right, she'll make a wonderful queen. Oh, my dear, I feel I want everybody to be as happy as we are going to be. They can't be that, but we'll do our best for them. I can manage Udo all right. I only have to say rabbits to him, and he'll do anything for me. Hyacinth, I don't believe I've ever kissed you in this room yet, have I? Let's begin now. Marywick came upon the other pair of lovers in Belvane's garden. They were sharing a seat there, and Udo was assuring the Countess that he was her own little Udo-Udo, and that they must never be away from each other again. The King put his hand in front of his eyes for a moment, as if he could hardly bear it. Why, it's his Majesty, said Belvane, jumping up. She gave him a deep curtsy, and threw in a bewitching smile on the top of it. Formality or friendliness, he could take his choice. Prince Udo of Araby, your Majesty. She looked shyly at him and added, perhaps you have heard. I have, said the King gloomingly. How do you do? he added, in a melancholy voice. Udo declared that he was an excellent health at present, and would have gone into particulars about it had not the King interrupted. Well, Countess, he said, this is strange news to come back to. Shall I disturb you if I sit down with you for a little? Oh, your Majesty, you would honour us. Udo, dear, have you seen the Herondry lately? Yes, said Udo. It looks so sweet just about this time in the afternoon. It does, said Udo. Belvane gave a little shrug and turned to the King. I am so longing to hear all your adventures, she murmured confidingly. I got all your messages. It was so good of you to remember me. Ah, said Merivig reproachfully, and what do I find when I come back? I find, he broke off and indicated in pantomime with his eyebrows, that he could explain better what he had found if Udo were absent. Udo, dear, said Belvane, turning to him. Have you seen the kennel lately? Yes, said Udo. They look rather sweet just about this time. Said Merivig. Don't they, said Udo. But I am so longing to hear, said Belvane, how your Majesty defeated the King of Barodia. Was it your Majesty's wonderful spell which overcame the enemy? You remember that? Remember it. Oh, your Majesty, bow-ball Udo, dear, wouldn't you like to see the armory? No, said Udo. There are a lot of new things in it that I brought back from Barodia. Said Merivig, hopefully. A lot of new things, explained Belvane. I'll see them later on, said Udo. I dare say they'd look better in the evening. Then you shall show me, your Majesty, said Belvane. Udo, dear, you can wait for me here. The two of them moved off down the path together, Udo taken by surprise, and as soon as they were out of sight, tipped out across the lawn to another garden seat, Belvane leading the way with her finger to her lips, and Merivig following with an exaggerated caution, which even Henry Smallnose would have thought overdone. He's a little slow, isn't he, that young man? Said the King as they sat down together. I mean, he didn't seem to understand. He's such a devoted lover, your Majesty. He can't bear to be out of my sight for a moment. Oh, Belvane, this is a sad homecoming. For month after month I have been fighting and toiling, and planning and plotting, and then— Oh, Belvane, we were all so happy together before the war. Belvane remembered that once she and the Princess and Wicks had been so happy together, and that Udo's arrival had threatened to upset it all. One way and another Udo had been a disturbing element in Euralia. But it would not do to let him go just yet. Aren't we still happy together? she asked innocently. There's her royal highness with her young Duke, and I have my dear Udo, and your Majesty has the Lord Chancellor, and all your Majesty's fateful subjects. His Majesty gave a deep sigh. I am a very lonely man, Belvane. When Hyacinth leaves me, I shall have nobody left. Belvane decided to risk it. Your Majesty should marry again. She said gently. He looked unutterable things at her. He opened his mouth with the intention of doing his best to utter some of them, when— not before Udo—said Belvane softly. Marywick got up indignantly and scowled at the Prince as the latter hurried over the lawn towards them. Well, really? said Marywick. I never knew such a place. One simply can't— Ah, your royal highness! Have you seen our armory? I should say. He corrected himself as he caught Belvane's reproachful look. Have we seen our armory? We have. Her ladyship was much interested. I have no doubt, Your Majesty. He turned to Belvane. You will be interested in our armory at home, dear. She gave a quick glance at the King to see that he was looking, and then patted Udo's hand tenderly. Home, she said lovingly. How sweet it sounds! The King shivered as if in pain and told quickly from them, Your Majesty sent for me, said Coronel. The King stopped his basings and looked round as Coronel came into the library. Ah, yes, yes, he said quickly. Now sit down there and make yourself comfortable. I want to talk to you about this marriage. Which one, Your Majesty? Which one? Why, of course, yours, that is to say, Belvane's. Or, rather, he came to a stop in front of Coronel and looked at him earnestly. Well, in a way, both. Coronel nodded. You want to marry my daughter? Marywig went on. Now it is customary, as you know, that to the person to whom I give my daughter, I give also half my kingdom. Naturally, before I make this sacrifice, I wish to be sure that the man to whom, well, of course, you understand, that he is worthy of the Princess Hyacinth, said Coronel. Of course, he couldn't be. He added with a smile. And worthy of half the kingdom, amended Marywig, that he should prove himself this is also, I think, customary. Anything that Your Majesty suggests, I am sure of it. He drew up a chair next to Coronel's, and sitting down on it, placed his hand upon his knees, and explained the nature of the trial, which was awaiting the successful suitor. In the ordinary way, he began, I should arrange something for you with a dragon, or what not, in it. The knowledge that some such ordeal lies before him, often enables the suitor to discover, before it is too late, that what he thought was true love is not really the genuine emotion. In your case, I feel that an ordeal of this sort is not necessary. Coronel inclined his head gracefully. I do not doubt your valor. And from you, therefore, I ask a proof of your cunning. In these days, cunning is perhaps the quality of all others demanded of a ruler. We had an excellent example of that. He went on carelessly, in the war with Barodia that is just over, where the whole conflict was settled by a little idea which, a very wonderful idea, Your Majesty. Well, well, said Meriwick, looking very pleased. It just happened to come off, that's all. But that is what I mean when I say that cunning may be of even more importance than valor. In order to win the hand of my daughter and half my kingdom, it will be necessary for you to show a cunning almost more than human. He paused, and Coronel did his best in the interval to summon up a look of superhuman guile into his very frank and pleasant countenance. You will prove yourself worthy of what you ask me for, said Meriwick solemnly, by persuading Prince Udo to return to Arabia. Alone. Coronel gasped. The thing was so easy that it seemed almost a shame to accept it as the condition of his marriage. To persuade Udo to do what he was only longing to do, did not call for any superhuman qualities of any kind. For a moment he had an impulse to tell the king so, but he suppressed it. After all, he thought, if the king wants cunning, and if I make a great business of doing something absurdly easy, then he is getting it. Meriwick, simple man, mistook his emotions. I see, he said, that you are appalled by the difficulty of the ordeal in front of you. You may well be so. You have known his royal highness longer than I have, but even in our short acquaintance I have discovered that he takes a hint with extraordinary slowness, to bring it home to him with the right mixture of tact and insistence that Arabia needs his immediate presence. Alone may well tax the most serpentine of minds. I can but try it, said the serpentine once simply. The king jumped up and shook him warmly by the hand. You think you can do it? He said excitedly. If Prince Udo does not start back to Arabia tomorrow, alone, said Meriwick, alone, then I shall have failed in my task. My dear, said the king to his daughter, as she kissed him good night that evening. I believe you are going to marry a very wise young man. Of course I am, father. I only hope you'll be as happy with him as I shall be with, as I was with your mother. Though how he is going to bring it off, he added to himself, is more than I can think, end of chapter 21.