 These days, dating requires a strategic approach because the idolization of the fantasy type of love quite frankly doesn't exist. Partly because especially for those of us in midlife which is after baby making years and before retirement, we have a significant percentage of the population that are wounded people. Now, here's the thing. When I think of the idolization of the fantasy, it actually reminds me of something my girlfriend and I have been binge watching lately. And that's the Bachelor. We've gone back to some old seasons. Now, just so you know what we do is we watch the first episode and we kind of fast forward through some of the beginning and we see the entry of the women and this is true of the Bachelor as well. And then we go straight to the end to see what happens. So why I say fantasy is, you know, and most of you know this isn't real life, so I get that. But there's this idolization of love that occurs, this fantasy form of love. Maybe it's Disney movies, the Cinderella sort of thing, but the idolization of love and that is done in a laboratory. That is done in an incubator, which is kind of unique. I mean, for the purpose of the Bachelor, he's surrounded by 28, 20, 25, 30 women who are all incredibly attractive and he happens to be a really attractive guy. And for the Bachelorette, she's an incredibly attractive woman and she's surrounded by the buff kind of guys. Well, the reality is, is for those of us in midlife, you know, we're aging. We start having gray hair. We start having saggy, sagging in our bodies, wrinkles in our skin, that sort of thing. For many people, they start balding for men and there's performance issues that occurs. So there's a lot of differences for those of us in midlife versus those that are in our 20s and 30s, which is why we really have to pay attention to red flags. And as I said in the beginning of this broadcast, I talked about being strategic. Folks, we no longer live in an environment. Let's go back a hundred plus years ago before electricity, for the most part, electricity is 120 plus years old, but roughly, let's go back before electricity, for the, before the internet, before swipe dating, before telephones, before pagers, before text messaging. We typically mated with people that lived in our proximity. Now, why is that critically important? Because that form of mating, which lasted 200,000 years, okay? Neanderthals are roughly 200,000 years of age. We operate it from a place of proximity. But more importantly, what proximity represented is familiarity, most likely when we mated with someone, it was someone that we either knew or it was a one degree of separation, for the most part, okay? And the benefit of that is typically our families were involved in the decision-making process or at least the supportive of the process of connecting. And because of that, most of the time when you lived in a tribal type of environment, you shared the same values, your lifestyles were blendable. And to the extent your emotional maturity was probably relatively equal, because most people were raised in similar environments, whether you were in the poverty stricken, the middle class stricken, and certainly with the wealthy and wealthy represented such a small percentage. You know, the vast majority of people 200 years ago lived in a sense of poverty or some basic, basic low middle class. Okay, why am I bringing this up? Let's fast forward to today. We are meeting these days, most of the time, total strangers. Okay, number one, we're meeting total strangers. In a different, their life, because we're meeting strangers, not just in our local environment, but in many cases, there's distance dating. But nowadays we have multiple cultures, multiple races. We have a huge difference of 200 plus years ago where most everybody was dating in their own class, their own socioeconomic class, their own race and that sort of thing. And that's changed dramatically. And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not suggesting that. But when you introduce people that share different values, it makes it more complicated to actually mate. This is why it's important to be strategic. And strategic means really being a detective of some sorts. I know many of you would love the narrative that you could just sit back in your feminine energy and let the guy lead. Yeah, that sounds so wonderful in the fantasy realm. Folks, these days, the biggest challenge is not about meeting people, although many of you feel that way in the midlife because you're not meeting the person you're attracted to. But more importantly, it's not about meeting, it's about deciphering whether or not this person is actually a good fit for you. And when we're swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality, when we're swimming in a sea of wounded people, true of men and women alike, it requires being a detective, which is why I'm gonna lean into these red flags because if you're not operating from a strategic standpoint, then you could be setting yourself up for failure. And by the way, when I mean strategic, I mean also putting out the best representation of yourself. I've had many clients send me their profiles, their dating profiles, believing it's a stellar profile. And I look at it and I'm like, yeah, it's a C plus profile. Folks, if you wanna stand out in the crowd, then you must put together an online dating profile that is an absolute A plus because you're competing with everyone else that puts, well, thankfully you're competing with most everybody that does a C plus or a C minus effort, okay? So you can actually stand out in the crowd. That includes quality photographs and an excellent essay. Now once your funnel is full with potential suitors, now it's about sifting through them. And again, these red flags are popping up more and more. You know, today we live at least here in the United States, we are rather a self-centric society, very selfish. It's very evident, by the way, Instagram has taken over the belief that if you have some likes, you are popular for some reason by doing selfies and whatnot, but we're a very self-centric society. We operate on getting our own needs met. Now I know there are generous people and I know there are people that are very charity-minded, humanity-based. I'm not talking about that. There are those people, but the vast majority is self-centric. Now sometimes they get labeled as narcissist and a lot of other, you know, avoidant love attachment style and whatnot. Now once you know something, when it comes to the love attachment styles, those are human beings that are often wounded that causes that. Those are childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause people to operate in ways that may not be attractive. So being strategic also requires leaning into, and I made a note here, I just wanted to write it down, learning how to regulate your emotions, regulate your emotions. You know, we're here, we're such a sensitive society as well. We're self-centric and overly sensitive. God forbid you say something that triggers you, you'll get canceled. You know, regulating one's emotions is an imperative if you want to be successful in the dating-mating-relating marketplace. What I'm saying this is, isn't it fascinating? Well, use the Bachelor for example, I've talked about a moment ago. These are, I mean, talk about the Bachelor, narrow it down to five women, you know, four women who have literally all fallen in love with them. And they know going in that they, you know, their chances start at one out of 30 and they, you know, as their odds increase, they're still going into that round of four, they still could get cut from the team. And yet their whole life collapses in that moment when he says, I chose someone else. I know this is reality TV, but really learning how to regulate one's emotions is imperative if you want to have a healthy, happy life, both with or without a relationship. This is why folks, I highly recommend reading the book, The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. This does a deep dive into healing child and wounds and traumas and adult traumas that actually help you regulate your emotions. My book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self Help and Spiritual Work is all designed to help you regulate your emotions. And by the way, you know, it's interesting to give you an example of regulating emotions when John Glenn, for those of you old enough to remember the space program, the Gemini space program, when he was shot up in a rocket in the space, I believe they said his heart rate never went above 70 beats a minute. Like, this is, don't quote me on that. That's anecdotal, what I heard. But the point was is he learned to regulate his emotions. I mean, any one of us would be scared shitless being shot up into space. Regulating our emotions, strategy, regulating our emotions and being a detective. This is why I created my private coaching program. There's a link right here to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. There's a link in the description below and there'll be a link in the first comment. If you wanna schedule a call with me. Because being a detective is part of the strategy. Being a detective. And more importantly, folks, the sad thing is, dating today is oftentimes, there's two dating strategies. There's a short-term mating strategy and a long-term mating strategy. Now, most guys these days, it's quite, they've been, it's become so easy for men to focus on a short-term mating strategy. In other words, meet someone, do a little bit of romance, do a little love, do a little romance. I was gonna do a song, get down tonight. Do a little romance, get laid, get down tonight and then move on. See, long-term mating strategy requires being intentional. This is why I've created, by the way, you know, I'm so blessed. Women who work with me, I get calls all the time. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy and I know a difference. They know the difference, excuse me. Or, wow, Jonathan, I dodged a bullet because I listened to your advice. All right, so speaking of advice, let's talk about those five male red flags that are surprisingly toxic. Now, the first one I'm gonna share with you is going to sound like repeat, okay? You've heard this once, you've heard it a thousand times, but it's critically important that in the midlife category, if you're dating, for those over 40 years old, roughly those, I believe in the online dating realm, roughly 70% of people over 45 years old are divorced, okay? And in many cases, they're newly divorced. So the first thing you have to be prepared is to get a sense of does their ex-spouse represent emotional conflict, or excuse me, do he and her represent emotional conflict? In other words, is the ex a toxic person in his life because whether you like it or not, that is gonna bleed into your life, the relationship someone has with their ex. And while we're not talking about Demi Moore and what I was thinking, having a perfect relationship, I assume with Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, there are a lot of people that have incredibly toxic relationships with their ex, and that is certainly a red flag. Now remember, red flag simply means ask better questions, but just remember, if you're going to invest in someone and you can be an incredibly supportive partner, but you're buying the cow with all the defects that come with it, which includes the ex-spouse cow, so to speak. So pay highly, pay high attention to how the ex-spouse is represented in the person's life. And if the man or woman throws their ex-spouse under the bus, oftentimes there's an avoidance of them taking ownership on their part, and that's a red flag as well. Number two, I've talked about this in my five glaring red flags, and I wanted to lean into this today because this is prevalent more and more than ever before. And that are men and women who their child, it's usually when they have one child or one particular child that they absolutely favor and put up on a pedestal. What's happening these days is people have gone through divorce, men, for example, will put their daughter up on a pedestal. This is also known as covert incest or emotional incest, and I don't mean sexual incest, I'm talking about emotional incest where their opposite sex child becomes their world for emotional needs. Ladies, after I shared this in that video, I can't tell you how many times I got email after email after email sharing stories of they were in a relationship with their man and the man would do things like in the middle of sex, take a phone call from their child and spend 20, 30 minutes an hour on the phone being giddy with their child when they were in an intimate situation with their partner. They would discount their partner continually and actually it caused a rift because their partner, they didn't feel like their partner was supportive of their relationship with their child. Women do this with their sons, men often can do this with their daughters. This is something to pay attention to. And while at first it might seem like, wow, what a great father this person is, you have to really pay attention to the clues that might suggest an almost a dependency on the child for that man or woman's emotional needs. Because guess what? In your relationship, there'll be three people. There'll be him, there'll be you and the child. And not to suggest children aren't critically important in relationship. I do not mean to diminish the importance and the time that we need to make our children a priority. I'm talking specifically when it's an excessive amount of priority and they are dependent on their child for their emotional wellbeing. Folks, this is becoming incredible. By the way, Google emotional incest or covert incest. Look it up. This is something that must be studied for yourself. Now again, it's not the rule per se but we are seeing a substantial increase in this behavior. Women again do it with their sons oftentimes. I know I ran across several women who their sons were their world and I realized they weren't gonna make time for me and that's what could end up happening for you. That is a glaring red flag. Number three, his professional status. Now this works out in two realms. Some men, their professional life is their mistress, if you will. They devote their entire emotional wellbeing to their professional life. The sad thing here is that in midlife, we are seeing a significant amount of people being displaced professionally and they actually are struggling in their professional life and their career in their jobs. And when the ground underneath a man isn't very solid, it makes it difficult for him to actually lean into a healthy happy relationship with someone. The professional life is critically important and this isn't just about him paying his bills although this is critically important but more importantly, his emotional wellbeing around his professional life. Has this happened to you where someone's professional life was in the tank and you're this loving, supportive person but what happens is he'll become a drain on you if the ground underneath him isn't very solid. The fourth, health status. Let's face it, as we age and I'm finding this out myself, I was in the, this week I spent, I had three different doctors visits. This is a reality of life. And the sad part is, we want to, if we're, listen, if you're in midlife, you're 40 or 50, maybe even you're 60, even 65, you'd like to think you got a good 15 plus years of life maybe more ahead of you. You'd like to, when someone's health status is challenging or maybe their eating habits are challenging, maybe they don't take good care of themselves, that's a red flag because listen, I'm here to purport and propose. It's like, for those of us that are, after 50 years old, the days in front of us are shorter than the days behind us. And it's important to make the best of it. And I'm a big proponent of choosing partnership type relationships, a long-term mating strategy instead of a short-term mating strategy. And last but not least, his emotional baseline, his emotional baseline. And what I mean to say, pay attention to things like how does he drive? Is he an angry driver? Does he have excessive drinking habits? Does he have attitude towards women, politics, religion that's almost to an extreme? Pay attention to this because this will be reflected in their emotional baseline and their capacity to actually lean into a healthy happy relationship. Is this thinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please tell your friends about my channel. Please subscribe. By the way, if you're interested in the books I recommend, there's links below. If you wanna schedule a call with me, there's a link below. There's also links below to follow me on Instagram and such, I'm here to encourage a more grown-up way to approach the dating mating and relating process. More importantly, to understand that being intentional, both men and women being equally intentional in the process and more importantly, actually capable of a relationship and then with a sea of such wounded people, you have a greater chance of choosing the wrong person than the right person. That's where my job is to help put the odds in your favor. So that's why I recommend reaching out to me. All right, I think this will be a great place to start our Q&A for those that know my format. If you haven't been on before, if you have a question, write the word question in the chat box and post the question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies, and there's a little dollar sign in the chat box, all the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. He's my son who passed away four and a half years ago and in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute, just to name a few. So again, if you have a question, ask me a question here and let's start our Q&A. And really quickly, Leanna, thank you so much for the $1.99 Super Sticker. I really appreciate it. Caroline says, question. How can I tell him that I'm not driving that far at night to an area I've never been to? First date, we met halfway. Second date, he wants me to drive an hour to his town. Great question. Hey, Tim, I really appreciate that you have invited me to your area. I think it's important that, you know, I don't feel comfortable driving at night. So I'd appreciate if we could actually either meet again halfway, maybe during the daytime or would you be a gentleman and come to me? I would feel more safe and then I can relax while I'm getting to know you. Is that something you can do for me? I would feel really appreciative if you did. And if he box it that, that is a red flag. This is a guy who has control issues and he's just trying to get you in his turf so you don't have to drive home when you drank too much and he can get laid. So be mindful of that. All right, I hope that answers your question. Thank you so much. For example, Kay Hudson says here, I was a detective and found out that the man I just started dating is married and has five children. Next, there you go. You know, someone wrote earlier, I just want to address this. Vicki wrote the following. What do you do when your fiance is halfway across the world and you're waiting on your paperwork to go marry a man, he's driving you crazy, bugging you about it. And she goes on to say, actually it's the passport and it's taking time to get here and the United States and this country doesn't take long at all. So my response to Vicki was, have you met him in person? Has he asked you for any money? Folks, this is where I'm gonna say, I just watched, you know, what was it? What was that show? It was all about scam artists on dating sites. I can't remember. It was on Huluwa, we watched a couple episodes of this, but there are so many scam artists that are milking women and men for, it's by the way, I think it's purported that it's a $1 billion industry, the online dating scams, a $1 billion industry. And there were women on this show that have given 20, 30, 50, $100,000 to men that they've been speak, by the way, here's the new strategy. These men will speak to you for six months to a year on the phone and then hit you with the crisis. I have a feeling, Vicki, he's about to hit you with that. I need money crisis, but I could be wrong, but please let us know if you've met him in person and even to see if he's actually real. So that's just my two cents. All right, let's keep swimming. If you have a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter or purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. Here we go, Andrea writes, question, should the man still pay for the first date or is that old fashioned way of thinking? Great question. You know, I like what Matthew Hussey said in one of his videos, Who Pays for a First Date? He said, a man should pay for the first date if he's raised right and a woman should offer to contribute if she was raised right. And I kind of believe that. Here's the thing, when you're meeting a total stranger, do you, you know, if you were meeting a professional person, you know, you were gonna collaborate together, would you expect them to pay? But Jonathan, he picked and planned the date. Now listen, folks, on first dates, it's really not a first date, it's a first meeting and men usually take the lead and for the most part, men will pay. However, I'm a big proponent of two people once they begin the active dating process is that they take turns in the process of investing in one another. Now, here's the caveat. If you're dating a millionaire and you're a waitress, the millionaire is gonna pay all the time. Now just keep in mind, he might be buying your affections or more importantly, you might be beholden to him at some point. Just remember, financial entanglements in relationships can create a beholden energy or a dependent energy. But let's say you both equally make them out the same amount of money. I like what the book, hold on a second. Have you ever read the book If the Buddha Dated? By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of this book. I love this book because it throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and not to suggest that there isn't biological effects going here. But what I like about this book is it throws it out and focuses from a heart center place. Yes, we all know that men have been conditioned to be provider protectors. But you know what's kind of funny about that? How many men after going through a divorce and I said earlier, 70% of the population over 45 is divorced, half of those men resent alimony child support. Matter of fact, more than half of those men and they don't feel an obligation to pay for women going forward. So just be conscious of that. By the way, I shared a story where I was on a first date where a woman, when I went to go pay for the first round of drinks, it was time for the second round of drinks. And you know what she did? She said, I've got it. And I said, no, I've got it. And she said, I got it. She goes, no, I got it. Now some of you people might be going to Jonathan she was in her masculine energy. She was being controlling. You know what she said? She put her hand on my arm. She looked me in the eye and said, Jonathan, I really appreciated that you treated the first round of drinks. Will you allow me to show my appreciation and treat you? I think you're worth it. I was floored in that moment. I thought, wow, she's one of a kind. I'm like, she's special. And we ended up being in a relationship for three months. It didn't work out because of logistics and a couple other things. And I really cared for this person. And we both parted on good terms because we recognized you weren't a fit. But you know what? I posted this story in a men's group I belong to. 1,000 men commented. She's one of a kind. She's a keeper. She's a unicorn. Don't let her go. What does that say when men look at that action and say, wow, I really appreciate it. Now, mind you, she backed it up with some really powerful words. Listen, typically after the first meeting, whoever does the asking should be paying. I agree with that. More importantly, I think it's important that each person take turns investing in one another in the early stage of dating or at least a two to one ratio for every time a guy takes you out twice. Take them out once. All right, give that a shot. Thank you so much for that, Andrea. I really appreciate that question. Tamara says, a lot of men want you in their area to make a move on you after dinner. True, Jonathan, exactly. Kate Hudson says the Tinder swendler, exactly. Sylvia says, I despise online dating. It floors me how any woman could actually give someone money. I agree, but I don't despise online dating because I wouldn't met my beloved Marie if it wasn't for online dating. She wrote me first. She came across my profile, wrote me a beautiful message. We engaged, it took a little while before we eventually connected with one another and now I'm in a blessed relationship. This April, I'm going to a wedding that couple met on match.com. Last September, I went to a wedding. They met on OK Cupid. One of my dear friends met on match.com. Another dear friend of mine met on Zeus. Another, my Marie's children, one met who are both married, one met on eHarmony and the other one met on Bumble. These are married folks. It happens, so don't despise the online dating world, in my opinion. Anyway, Pamela, how you doing, sweetheart? Question. In the ex-wife, it seems as though she has disappeared from his and the children's lives. I ask if there are any chance to reconcile. He said none. What do I ask? I would want to know more information. Why do you believe, just out of curiosity, folks, I want to implore upon you, operate from a place of curiosity. Tim, I'm really curious. Why would a woman abandon her children? Does she have mental? Does she have some issues? Or were you just a jerk? No, I'm just kidding, but ask the question. Why would a woman abandon, why do you think a woman would abandon his children? That's what I would ask. That would be my question to ask. Okay, I hope that helps. Deb says, question, should a woman pay on dates or should it be equal? I think I just answered that, so thank you so much. Power, powder writes. Question, I'm a young 60-something woman. Where can I meet someone? I work out at my home. Dating sites usually want, and let's see if you finish this sentence. Dating sites, okay, where arise from dating sites can find a good man, someone in their 50s who takes good care of themselves. All right, here's the thing. While it's true that many men that are 50, 60 and older, maybe men in their 40s, typically are looking, they might seek in their dating profile someone 10, 15, 20 years, maybe even 25 years younger than them. Yes, that's true. First and foremost, how many of those men actually are getting those women? That's just one thing. Here's the reality. I said this before about having a strategy. So, folks, I want you to think about this for a moment. Think of where you live, and I want you to really ask yourself, where are all the 60-year-old single men who are fantastic guys right at this moment? Where are they? Where are they? Now, let's just say it's 10% of the men, okay? Of the 60-year-old men, 10% are attractive enough for you and they have emotional stability and they have good jobs. Where are they right this second? They're everywhere. I live in a condo complex with 400 units. There could be 20 guys in this, or there could be 20 guys, literally that represent that. See, the issue isn't where. The real question is, how can I be seen by single eligible men? How can I be seen? Because they're not congregating in one place. Yeah, sometimes they're in the golf course, but keep in mind, when a group of men are together 60-years-old, you're gonna have married men, you're gonna have men in relationships with other people, you're gonna have broken men. Now, I would say a good place to start might be if you're a religious person going to church, because there, there's a community there, but the reality is, is online dating is here and it's not going anywhere. And by the way, it is a fucking shit show and it has been so bastardized, which is why you need a strategic approach to the process. You know, my job is to teach you how to vet for emotional maturity, okay? But being strategic, which includes how to put the best representation of yourself in this process. So again, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. But ultimately it's not about where are they, it's how can I be seen by them? And it starts by putting a fucking killer representation of yourself because the reality is you're competing with every other person. I know how so many of you think you're, listen, we, I said this earlier before about self-centric society. We all believe we're special. Every human belief, human being believes they're special and different, okay? Everybody believes that. Well, I shouldn't say that. There's the entitled woman who is arrogant about it. There's the doormat type of woman who doesn't value herself one bit and everyone else in between is struggling. So let me retract when I said every person does this. But the reality is that we oftentimes value ourselves compared to others greater. We need to be humbled, folks. You know, I've been humbled. I've had women say you're not that good looking, Jonathan. That hurt. You know, I'm not attracted to you. I had one woman said you were fat on a first date. I've had that happen. Okay. Maybe I had to look in the mirror and go drop some weight, which I eventually did after that, not because of that incident but because I wanted to take care of my heart. All right. Let's come back to the psychic TV I'm currently living in Thailand and most of the men here and here in Thai women it's hard to meet anyone who isn't here for sex tourism how to date here. You know, I can't really address that, you know what I mean? When I say I can't address that certainly when we go to a radically if you were born here in the United States or Western Europe, when you go to an area that's radically different then it requires getting to know the culture you live in and somewhat adopting the culture of really understanding how the men in that particular culture operate and then certainly have to be attracted to that race. Okay. Which is certainly possible but ultimately you have to adapt to the culture and then socialize within that culture but just recognize that a lot of people mate within their own ethnicity, their own race. So just remember that's more prevalent but again, you can make yourself stand out in the crowd by becoming someone that's all right, just on a completely side note and it just represents this my son does karaoke he happens to be a very good singer he's a big time Frank Sinatra fan and after a song, he gets lots of women coming up to him wanting to talk to him. He said, now on his dating profile he doesn't get the same amount of women interested in him he gets them interested because in that moment he's represented, you know there's this attraction because of a talent he has. So what talent did you have that you can capitalize on beyond looks per se? So I hope that helped with your question so thank you so much. Question, when I'm holding off on a having a sexual relationship with a new guy should I be direct until then I'm waiting until it feels right or should I keep it to myself and not discuss it? Folks, I don't like arbitrary not that you suggested this but I don't like arbitrary timelines but I will say this first, set your standard. So one of the things I would say and by the way, you might wanna know my CARES acronym so it's C-A-R-E-S and I'll share what the language could be what you say, CARES the C stands for don't have sex with someone until you feel comfortable, comfortable the A stands for be aware of the consequences if you attach to a guy having sex then you definitely wanna hold off before being physically intimate the R stands for learn his real intentions how do you do an R? Learn his real intentions the E stands for if you're gonna have regular sex together be exclusive which really means be monogamous with one another and the S stands for safety which means maybe getting an STD test wearing a condom, be safe. Okay, so the language might look like this Tim, I'm really enjoying getting to know you and I know that I can feel we have a sexual attraction towards one another I just want you to know something about me I don't typically get into or I don't get intimate with a man unless we have an agreement of being monogamous with one another if we're gonna have regular sex together in addition, we're gonna be exclusive meaning we're not actively looking for people on the online dating world so if I'm gonna become sexually active with you I'm gonna be taking down my profile that's how I operate how do you operate? He shares how he operates, okay? In addition, you say I don't get I don't become intimate with a man until I feel a level of trust that trust isn't about fidelity trust is I need to, you know it takes me some time to know if you have my best interest at heart for example, if you only have a short-term mating strategy then you can demonstrate trust right now by saying or after this date is over by letting me down gently saying we're not a fit that tells me that you have a short-term mating strategy I have a long-term mating strategy and what that means is I'm seeking someone that wants to spend on average three or four days a night a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in our personal and our professional life intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married, that is my standard. In addition, I would prefer that we do some personal development work together we read the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman particularly chapter one about trust and commitment because I have a long-term mating strategy what is your strategy? And then see how he operates 90% of guys will bail on you because they're operating from a short-term strategy some of those short-term strategy guys might try to milk it with you a little bit this is why you gotta pay attention to those glaring red flags I talked about. All right, great question Pam, thank you so much folks is this resonating with you please let me know, please hit that like button please share this video let me know in the chat box Jonathan this is resonating with me thanks, tell me you appreciate this it helps me a lot. All right, Linda writes question he not asked money but gave $20 transaction from a trading business to my cash app and sent Bitcoin to his wallet Okay, thank you for sharing that by the way, some men might give you some money in advance as a way to extort money from you in the future just remember the Tinder swindler let's see question I'm experiencing this dating manipulation at the moment he always tries to arrange things so we end up as his place I can see his motives what's a good way to call him out on this invite him to meet you at near your neck of the woods but certainly one of the strategy is don't go to his home just say, you know, folks I don't know how many you said he's manipulative so he's maybe done this a couple of times but the real question is have you built any level of familiarity with one another have you built any level of trust with one another you're already operating for mistrust do you even want to invest in this person because it sounds as if if you're already distrusting him you're waiting for that magic fairy dust to somehow change how he is by saying some magical words your instincts know there's something wrong there rather than trying to change him you've already noticed a pattern cut your losses and move on does anyone else agree with me for DS's question if you're experiencing manipulation that's a deal breaker it's not a red flag in my opinion Rhonda writes in is going Dutch until you get to know one another a good idea in a relationship now a lot of people in the red pill community would warn against that but I'm here to say is I want you to think about what does paying represent it's supposed to represent generosity that's what it's supposed to represent it's supposed to represent generosity you know my girlfriend she's you know she was so sweet you know on the second time we saw each other it was breakfast she picked up the tab the next time I treated you know now we just now we live together I'm the one who brings in more revenue so I happen to cover more of the expenses but in the beginning stages you know we took turns more like we kind of have this rule you know I pick up dinner she picks up breakfast that's kind of our hat was the when I say rule but it was it just kind of happened that way so what I appreciate most is she made the effort she demonstrated she was a partner she wasn't a taker and one of the things she really wanted to stress upon me was she didn't want to come across as a taker when you expect a man to pay that's taking from someone versus when a man is generous then reciprocate with generosity we don't do Christmas grips where one person gives all the presents and the other person just sits back in their feminine energy so think of it like Christmas it's coming from a place of generosity and that's my two cents on that and again I know the red pill community will disagree with me because some of there is biological reasons why men need to do this and all that kind of stuff look it we got to throw a lot of that rhetoric out the window and while there is some base truth to it we are living in a different environment today and I'll answer that I'll go into that on another video all right let's keep swimming John says Harry feminists I don't know what that means but I'm curious I wonder if you wrote men are becoming okay men are becoming females and females are becoming males John I completely disagree with that first and foremost throughout history a significant percentage of women were treated as property do we want to go back to that form women in addition were incredibly dependent upon men for their survival okay we understand that from cave man days there's an importance to that but let's talk about the 60s and 70s when there was an absolute explosion of divorces and there were a significant number of women who find themselves displaced from this life that was promised them by a man and the man was coveting all their money and she found herself in dire straits because she didn't build the knowledge to financially take care of themselves there is an absolute need and a necessity today for women to become non-dependent upon men for their livelihood and that means taking care of themselves so yes you might criticize women becoming men because men have habitually treated women as property and I am encouraging of women to stand up for themselves and not be dependent upon men now you can criticize men turning into women well you know what? Why do men commit suicide eight times greater than women? Why do men die younger? It's because they have bottled up emotions and we know now that bottled up emotions cause stress heart disease amongst a number of other things so yes men should be tapping into their emotional side so they can get a better handle on this thing called life because life is fucking complicated and if you don't have an outlet because we no listen we no longer live in a tribe environment where we could take care of one another we are an isolated society and let me just tell you something and this is going to get habitually worse here in the United States we are going to see an explosion of elderly people displaced because they can't financially take care of themselves we're going to see an increase in this because we don't treat each other humans today don't treat each other with a fair amount of respect not all humans most and what I mean by respect is protecting your community we are a self centered society here and if you don't have the bandwidth of family to support you there are going to be people displaced here in Los Angeles the homeless population has gone through the roof you got me started on something that I'm very passionate about this whole bullshit narrative that men or women are becoming men they should be self supportive because they can't depend on men and men need to find outlets emotionally so they can actually live a fulfilled life and that's my two cents John take it or leave it does anyone agree with me on that say Jonathan I absolutely agree with you please let me know alright Pam says thank you I do have the book eight dates great thank you so much Reba says I agree with you Kate says or Kay Hudson says love your pre content preach it Jonathan Jane says I love your advice thank you so much we just got a super sticker from I keep calling you Kate Hudson but you're Kay oh here we go Reba says hallelujah um VVN says amazing content I'm truly enjoying much appreciated the clarity you give me is expressed needs thank you so much Elizabeth says I a hundred percent agree Sherry says I absolutely agree folks look it's time for human beings to fucking grow up this fantasy narrative humans are living in is causing listen listen I'm projecting some of my shit here I'm being judgmental but I'm in it but here's the thing you're watching me right now okay there's a reason why you're watching me I'm not here to profess that I'm smarter than anyone else I I I follow a lot of smart people but I condense the information I ask myself what is our biggest problem is it climate control is the politics I think I was just sharing this with Marie this morning why I'm passionate about what I do is because as Esther Perrell the quality of our life is predicated on the quality of our relationships both romantic family and friends and if we choose toxic partners if we choose people that have glaring red flags then what's the quality of our life I'm here to be a wake up call folks it starts by becoming you the best version of yourself which includes doing some radical personal development self-help and spiritual work including therapy if necessary so you can become a person that can regulate their emotions it also includes having a strategy if you want a romantic partner if you want a long-term if you want a long-term mate then you need to have a strategy that's geared towards attracting a long-term mate third you have to be attractive to the opposite I mean whether you're heterosexual if you're heterosexual you better put the best representation I gotta tell you a lot of you think you're a seven when you're actually a four or five okay lot of fantasy thinking there and lastly you better learn how to maintain and make a relationship thrive this is why I recommend book after book after book after book Jonathan I can't read all the books you recommend are you gotta be fucking kidding me you can invest one year reading one book a month and change your life start listen people spend more time brushing their shoes and putting on their Manola Blancas whatever I mispronounced that Christian Louboutin's you know I'm being facetious here then actually investing in themselves as Tony Robbins said if you're not investing one hour a day to your wellbeing and I don't mean getting manicures and massages certainly self-care is important I'm talking about your emotional wellbeing because the number one emotional health issue is faced with most everybody is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likeable and this includes those narcissistic human beings that you can't stand they have the deepest wound of anyone boy I've gone on a rant today folks if you wanna make a difference in your life then there's only one person you should invest in and that is yourself and I'm here to say when you invest in yourself you become a magnetic attractor to what you want so for those who wanna join with me right now and say I want a long-term partnership with someone I invite you just recite after me God universe spirit I'm experiencing a juicy delicious relationship where we have amazing chemistry with one another and we're mutually attracted to one another and the communication between the two of us is off the charts and the banter can go on for hours and hours at a time and our lifestyles are blendable with one another so we can build this relationship with ease rather than it being tug of war and our values are aligned with one another so we're not in conflict with one another on a regular basis and last but not least we have built the deep roots of trust through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests spending time with family and friends and traveling together and through this deep roots of trust we are experiencing a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship God universe spirit thank you for allowing this into my life build it and they will come it's my two cents anyway I wanna thank Jenny P nurse Jenny thank you for a nice cocktail tonight for both of you thank you so much for treating for a drink with Marie and I I really appreciate it all right is this resonating with you Andrea says amen Elizabeth says I want a long-term partnership Wejin says rant away rejoin says everyone and Wendy says that was beautiful love the affirmation thank you so much folks being strategic learning how to regulate your emotions by doing the personal development work and more importantly that intentionality wrapped in because most humans today are very ambivalent and naive to this process and you're swimming you're really expect a lot of people are expecting magic fairy dust to change things and that doesn't exist anyways that's my two cents here all right I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video first off I'm gonna give myself a big gigantic shot at the mark of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source oh by the way there's a teddy bear because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives I wanna thank Jenny P, Mary, Vivian, Wendy, Andrea, Elizabeth, Mary, Thana, Pam, Jackie, Brenda, Debbie, Sherry, LG, Random Thoughts just to name a few oh and Pamela Gordon and Pamela Mantica everyone thank you so much I hope you had value from what I'm about to share what I shared with you wishing you a bright beautiful and blessed evening be well, thanks by now