 All right. Hello everyone. I'm Matthew coast and welcome to 15 communication mistakes that instantly turn men off and Today we're going to be talking about you know different types of Communication issues that a lot of women do that end up ruining their chances with men that turn men off that Kind of make guys pull away or disappear on them These mistakes can make a guy Decide that you're not relationship material or you're not the right type of man or sorry The right type of woman to be in the relationship that He wants to have with you and it can turn a passionate connection into a cold boring or dull one And so today we've got Helena Hart with me. So say hi, Helena Hey, everyone, we're so excited to be here. This is a really important topic It is a really important topic and this is our second take of it. So hopefully this time it works out Yeah, I couldn't see it before but it's happening now. So we're okay. So um, okay So let's talk about these different mistakes that a lot of women make and some of the things that you can do To kind of switch things around and flip it around and make it so that you can attract and keep the guy that you want to have in your life and so number 14 that or number 15, there's 15 of them number 15 is kind of an overview of the the different ones that we have and a kind of way Kind of an overall way of going forward if you want to be really attractive and you want to keep the passion alive in your relationship and so number one number one is Always trying to say the right thing. So There is this we have a Facebook community here that a lot of women are a part of we have a couple thousand people in our Facebook community and I have this program that I sell It's called the love frames toolkit and the love frames toolkit is a program about Creating the frames that you want to have around your relationship or creating the frames that you want to have in a relationship when you're dating a guy and we had somebody get on there a couple weeks ago and she kind of pasted her Conversation that she had with the guy that she's dating and if you looked at it She took the frames and she said one after the next after the next after the next Because she was trying like at the end. She's like, okay, what do I say now? Right and I just want to throw out there that even if we give you things to say or you know ways to talk or any of that kind of stuff It doesn't replace organic conversation, right? like you need to still have like normal and regular conversations with the guy and A lot of the things that we talk about and the things that we say we might Have you say they're not things that you know, they shouldn't completely replace your conversation and it just be about those things I'm sure that there's plenty of people that would might want that but it's it's not a very healthy way to be in a relationship and the man doesn't actually get to know who you are if You're doing that and so you want to have them if you do end up with the love frames toolkit or one of those programs that we have or Listening to what it is that we we give you to to say Just remember that it doesn't replace normal conversation normal conversation is very very important because if you're gonna be in a relationship with a guy it's gonna it could be a There's gonna be a lot of times where you're gonna have to have normal conversations I think I've beaten that one like a dead horse. So but but so You know have have you ever been so for instance have you ever been um in a Like a conversation with a guy that you're not really that attracted to and you found that the conversation really flowed And it was easy to you know have Topics, you know talk about different things with him and maybe he even became attracted to you and and but you weren't really into him Think about the state that you came from when you were having a conversation like that, right? It wasn't you know, am I saying the right things all the time? It wasn't like oh, did I just say something stupid? You're you're probably confident. You're probably leaning back You're probably just enjoying yourself and having fun And when you're always kind of focused on saying the right thing It creates kind of this weird Conversation thing that ends up happening and the guy starts looking at you and starts Seeing that you're getting all weird and frustrated about what's being said and freaking out about it and He starts feeling weird about you because of it and so what you want to do is instead of doing that you know Get into a space of feeling more confident of kind of leaning back and just having conversations with a guy, right? Being awkward is fine. It's totally okay to be awkward like If you hang out with Helena or me We are both awkward people, right? We have lots of awkward things that we do and We can be okay and comfortable in our awkwardness, which is it's it's you know If you get all weird about your awkwardness then people will get weird about it But if you're just like, yeah, I'm awkward and that's what's going on And yeah, I just said something that was really weird like you know, whatever Sorry about that. That was weird, you know, let's move on That's a lot more attractive than getting like focusing on it and being like oh am I saying the right thing? Am I not saying the right thing? It's like whatever, you know, we're all a bunch of weird people We live on a weird planet. We do weird things And it's okay, you know, and it's it's actually adorable It's actually something that when a guy starts to really like you he can fall in love with so I'm kind of just Rambling on about this one. Did you did you did you want to say anything about this one? I'm making me laugh over here. I didn't know you were gonna say that Do you remember that meme you tagged me on Facebook the other day? Like it was something like when you're smart enough to know how awkward you are but not smart enough to Not be awkward or something like that, but it's totally like it's not about being perfect, you know Like I love my awkwardness I know it's like a weird thing to say but you don't want to like try and be perfect all the time because that comes across it's kind of like Like stiff or rigid or inauthentic and it's you know People might admire you for always having the right thing to say like in work or in other areas But you're going to be connecting with people through what you perceive to be your Imperfections or your so-called flaws men actually fall in love with you And they think it's like endearing or adorable for those things that that you think you might want to hide from others It's like those million little things that you Don't know you're doing that's what actually makes the guy fall in love with you for who you are So it's not about being perfect. It's not about, you know Always having like the best thing to say I see it in the comment sections of a lot of our videos like oh So women we just have to be perfect then and that just couldn't be further from the truth It's really not about being perfect. It's just kind of like having the awareness around where you're coming from with some of These things. Yeah, we're all weird. That's the that's the reality of the situation we all have issues we all things that we go through and and None of us are perfect and the more that we try to be perfect the more people look at it and go That's kind of weird like there's something strange going on with you Like why are you trying to be perfect all the time? Nobody none of us are perfect. And so yeah, so absolutely It's a big mistake. So hi making melodies. Hi, Jamie. Hi, Jay There's lots of people on here saying hi. Hello. Hello. Hello Hello, Christina Hello. Hello. Hello. I can be weird too. You can be weird Absolutely. And so another thing that I want to mention is that we're thinking about doing weekly live streams however In order to do that we one of the things that we just kind of created recently is this thing called Memberships to support our channel and what we're doing and it's it's like a YouTube has created this new membership thing And so if we need to get 20 people Into our membership and we will start doing Livestreams every single week and I know there's a lot of people that love our live streams So if you love our live streams join our membership program, it's only $5 a month. It's pretty cheap Underneath this video. There's a there should be a button that says join and if you don't see that In the description the first line should be a link to go and join our membership for our YouTube channel So, you know, thank you for the people that have already joined. We just set it up a couple days ago And we already have people joining our membership. So thank you so much it really supports us and supports our channel and we're We'd love to be doing this all the time So if you want us to be on here every week talking to you about all the different things that You know all the different issues that you're interested in and answering your questions and talking to you about things that you think are important Then join our membership below. So yeah, we'll be we'll be answering their questions, right? If they're like we'll be taking their topics and creating live streams around what what they want us to talk about to you, right? Absolutely, that's exactly what we're gonna be doing Exactly what we're gonna be doing. So great. All right, so let's move on to number two Did you want to start this one off? So number two is Button-pushing right and so there's kind of this it's fun and Helena's laughing right now because I push your buttons a lot and yeah, there's there's kind of a Two different ways to do button-pushing and what we're talking about with button-pushing is Doing things to get an emotional reaction out of somebody, right? If you're trying to get an emotional reaction out of a man, right? There's you can push his buttons and do little things that get them all riled up, right? And and sometimes that's fun, right? There's a flirty fun Playful way to push a man's buttons and that's great If he enjoys it and you're doing it in a fun way However, there's a lot of women that do this because they want to And I don't know I don't know that much about this because I'm not a woman But what women tell me is they want to they want to know that he cares, right? And so what they'll do is they will push his buttons and make him Get try to get a reaction out of him so that they can know that he cares and sometimes It'll be an angry reaction that they try to get out of them or you know They do it out of spite sometimes women will do it out of like revenge reasons, right? They're trying to just like hit a guy Where it hurts, right and all those reasons like those those ones where you're doing it Because you're trying to you know, just get some kind of emotional reaction out of them You're doing it out of spite or anger or you're doing it for reasons of revenge Those can absolutely destroy your relationship. I have a Person in my family whose relationship was completely destroyed for a lot of reasons But that was one of the big things that really kind of destroyed their relationship and and His ex-wife was really really good at pushing his buttons and it was it was a sad thing to see and and I think that if they could have You know, it's all it's all their whole story is a long story, but yeah So button-pushing right doing it in a fun flirty playful way You're both having fun with it It can be great if you're doing it out of spite or malice or anger Not so good. Do you have anything you wanted to say about that? Try not to laugh because I know that camera's gonna switch back to me. No, I think he said it all I was that was great. Um, we should do like a whole video on you pushing my buttons when we're like We should do a video of me pushing your buttons because I think that would be pretty funny But yeah, it's just where you're coming from, you know, and yeah Matt loves to push my but he balances out with it with an enormous amount of like kindness and generosity So it's just just watch where you're coming from, you know Are you like are you coming from a place where you're wanting to like get an emotional reaction from a man? Because you're not feeling good because you're feeling upset or angry So it's all it's all about where you're coming from with so many of these Yeah, let's move on to number three did you did you want were you saying that because you wanted to move on to Number three is is trying to push a man towards what you want and It's like you have an agenda. There's something you want. You get the sense that he's not quite there yet So you're on a very subtle level sometimes trying to like push him or nudge him in the direction that you want him to go And I think Matt you had a great example on this one, right? I do have a really great example there so there's this program out there and I'm not going to name names because That always ends up bad However, there's a program out there where these these people are giving this advice where they say that you should pretend Like you're already a couple with a guy, right? Which I Think on the men's side like so I've done men's dating and women's dating if you're on the men's side I think that that works better like if you're a man And you're you're pretending like you're in a relationship already with a woman that tends to work Pretty well if you're a guy and you're like, hey, I'm trying to get into a relationship with her but if you're a woman and you're Dating or seeing a man and you're trying to pretend like you're already a couple and you're trying to treat him in ways that you would like if you were a couple and you're like doing this we're together a thing and You know, we need to share the same bank account and you know say to share, you know all these different things a guy like Consents that they're it's kind of it's like whoa, you know, she's moving pretty fast for me or she's turning this into something that I didn't want it to be and Or I'm not interested in having I think guys are a little bit more skittish around this whole kind of concept of Committing and being in a relationship a lot of times than women are sometimes they're not, you know And there's plenty of examples that we could talk about But yeah, having some kind of like agenda and trying to turn a Relationship into something that you want it to be without him wanting that as well and You know, it turns into that whole concept that we've talked about in other videos where you're you know Swimming in the pool and he's like out of the pool, you know And has never even got in and he's like I didn't even know I didn't even want to jump in the pool It seems kind of cold out today, right? You're in the pool and you're like well, I thought we were getting in together, you know And he was like we never even talked about this, right? And that's kind of a situation that happens you're in this relation you end up in this relationship, right kind of pushing for it and creating it and He's not even sure that he really wants to be in it yet And I see this all the time. I'm not sure why we see it more with women than I ever saw it with men But it tends to be more of something that a lot of women do Did you want to expand on that? Yeah? Oh gosh, yeah, I have so much to say about that I know we're trying to keep these different these brief Yeah, men men want to feel like they had to win you over, right? I know we're like evolved as a society But men's brains are hardwired the same they were same ways They were a lot of times like since the beginning of time They want to feel like they had to invest and and work to win you over a little bit I call this like your relationship roadmap You don't want to be way ahead of the guy on this road map of your relationship Trying to like pull him along and catch him up to where you are you want to be one step behind him It just works so much easier that way. So yeah, he wants to feel I mean every man dreams of like winning over their dream girl And kind of hoping she says yes they don't dream of ending up with some woman who was Pushing and shoving and trying to like get him or force him to commit to her completely backwards Absolutely All right, so hi everyone. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi Elise. Elise Love your video. Thank you. Thanks for loving our videos And one of the things that we mentioned a little bit earlier is if you guys were looking to do Livestreams every single week and if you want us to do live streams every week We're trying to build up our membership. So it's five dollars on the side If you look below this video there there should be a join button if there's not in the description you can join It's five dollars a month and if we get 20 people to zero people Then we will do live streams Every single week and I know there's a lot of people in here that love them And we're gonna be talking about the things that our members want to talk about and we're gonna be Answering the questions that our members want answered. So Yeah, so join if you you enjoy what we're doing here and want to want us to do more of it All right, so next one is number four number four. We have which is Trying to fill up silence Really for any reason right so trying to fill up sign so so there's this thing out there, right? Where there's a lot of guys who actually it's not like a conscious thing that they do But it's more of kind of this subconscious Test that a lot of guys have for a woman and what it is is that a lot of guys will end up doing this thing where they they will spend time with a woman and not talk about anything and they'll see what she does and If the woman can hang out with him and not try to constantly like draw his attention over Or try to talk to him about a bunch of things or you know fill up that space with something that she wants to do Then it's a really like it puts that woman into this relationship material category right because There's gonna be a lot of downtime in any relationship that you're in and the question is What are you going to be doing in that downtime? And so you know guys are all different right so not every guy is the same I'm never gonna say that all guys are the same and all guys do one thing But a lot of guys will they have things that they like to do they have passions They have things in their lot hobbies in their lives They really love and they would love it if the woman in their life Would be able to do that thing with them, right? And so in order to do that thing with him He wants he like he needs it a lot of times so that you're not constantly like You know talking and all over him about you know all these different things and that you guys can just hang out with him You know hang out together in the same space while he's you know pursuing his passion or doing something that he loves I actually in the entrepreneur space I hear about this from guys all the time who are like Yeah, you know like you know they like work from home or whatever and they're they're hanging out and It's like you know Can he be in that space with the woman in his life and you know just hang out and have you know and just Enjoy the fact that they can be there together without needing to do anything necessarily together while while they're hanging out so Did I did I run off on a tangent there Helena? No, so that's it. I was just looking at the comments. Yeah, Stacy said I've never intentionally pushed a man's buttons in my life It's easy to do on accident. Yeah, we were Matt and I were having a really interesting conversation before we were coming up with this material for this live stream and What I was saying is most of these are totally unintentional like we and this is the perfect example of that filling the space Pretty much every client I've ever talked to you know And and I've certainly I can still do this a lot of times. It's it's not coming from a bad place It's coming from a good place of wanting to like have a fun conversation And and feeling anxious when there's an awkward pause So you want to fill the space because you want the guy to be comfortable And you don't want him to think that you're a boring date or whatever it is, right? So we jump in and we fill in that space Verbally even physically if you're just hanging out with a guy and you feel this need to like go towards him to close That gap somehow we can just constantly be wanting to fill the space just and it's coming from a good Intention of just wanting to have a good time and connect and it's but it's that urge of Wanting to fill in every awkward pause or even fill in the space physically that can end up pushing a guy away on a deep level and Like I mentioned, this is usually unintentional So it's just important to become aware of what you're doing So many of my clients say that they just stopped doing this one thing and it changed everything You know, like if they were with men who are really reserved. They said I just stopped trying to fill in those Pauses in conversation and the guy just opened up and he started talking and talking and that's when they were able to really connect So this is a huge one. It's really important Yeah, and one thing I wanted to throw out there with that too is it's very it's kind of a masculine thing to want to It's kind of a subtle masculine thing to want to fill in space, right? It's it's like this You know need to put something somewhere, right? It's it you know going back to the masculine feminine You know, and it's a feminine thing to create the space and open up the space And so if you're out there trying to fill space you're you're in this masculine You're in this masculine energy when you're doing that And so we're gonna be talking a little bit about why that is here in a little bit, but I Just wanted to answer this question Christina. Yeah, I so Christina It looks like you paid a dollar ninety nine. I don't know. I think is that a super chat I'm not sure if you did the super chat thing or if you did the join thing We're gonna have to We're gonna have to find out. I don't know. Maybe maybe that is I don't know I'm gonna have we're kind of new to the memberships thing So we're we're still figuring this out, but 20 people 20 people and we will start doing We'll start doing live streams every week. So yeah, there's that Okay, so number five you want to you want to do number five Helena Sure, sure number five constant attention seeking right always looking to the man trying to get his attention constantly looking for validation from him Or reassurance if it's this constant thing it can really wear on a guy and wear on the relationship And I think this one's a little more self-explanatory than all the others But what do you have to say on this one map? Yeah? So this thing with constant attention seeking it's what it is is it's exhausting, right? And so, you know go if we want to talk a little bit more about the validation thing and You know kind of we're I think we're gonna talk a little bit more about that Down in one of the other ones, but yeah when you're when you're constantly seeking his attention constantly you know trying to get something from him or get him to Do something for you or you know get him to make you feel a certain way or any of that kind of stuff What it ends up doing it can be okay at the beginning because the guy gives the guy kind of something to do but long term It becomes incredibly exhausting for the guy and in what he starts thinking There's a bunch of different things that happen when you're in relationship with a man that can make a man think I Can not be in a relate like a long-term committed relationship with this woman and those things are things like Feeling exhausted when he's around you Right so if he feels really like you suck up all of his energy and he doesn't have enough to give and Being around you is draining that will instantly remove you from this space of Being a relationship material to him or you know There's another one which is kind of a money thing right if he feels like you're really high maintenance, right? Which you know, there's a lot of kind of different There's a lot of negative connotation around that phrase for a lot of good reason However being kind of somebody where he feels like he has to spend a lot of money when he's around you That's also draining right and so it things like that can put you in this space of of Not being relationship material or not being somebody that he'd want to get married to or something like that and so The cure to this and a lot of these other things is to lean back right our favorite thing Which is lean back lean back lean bit? Okay? I'm not gonna sing that Such an embarrassment to myself into the world Yeah, so that's that one so let's move on to the next one number six number six is Using guy talk to attract him to you And so I meet a lot of women who make this mistake I've talked to a lot of women who have made this mistake where They they do this thing and you'll know if you're this type of woman instantly What they do is they'll bust the guy's balls right they try to like they use sarcasm Which can be a fun thing sometimes if it's playful and whatnot But if you use sarcasm and bust the guy's balls and you know, you're constantly like making fun of him or making fun of things He'll start to feel like you're judgmental around him and if you're doing it towards him He might not feel like it's safe for him to open up around you and so it'll turn him off It'll make him feel like You know, like maybe he might be physically attracted to you but getting something going somewhere deeper with you is something that maybe he Doesn't really feel like is in on the table with you there There are some women who can use sarcasm In the right ways at the right times With the right amount and still kind of create a strong relationship with men But most of the women that do this are not able to do that and so another thing that Another way that a lot of women use guy talk to try to attract them is they'll talk about guy topics, right? So things like sports and you know, like football like Like all that kind of stuff where you're talking about like really heady Logical things or really masculine guy things those things like if you're into it, that's cool However, don't try to use that to attract a man It might be a fun side hobby that you can do You know with a guy where you're both into sports or something and it's fun It could be something that you have with him But but if you're trying to use it specifically to attract a guy and it's all you talk about and What's gonna end up happening is you're gonna become one of the guys and I know a lot of women who end up in this position they become one of the guys and Lots of guys want kind of a sexual thing with them But they don't want anything more with them because it's you know, it's like dating for a guy It's like oh, I'm dating another guy, you know, and it's like you know, that's not fun It's you know, it's it's that feminine. It's that femininity. It's that feminine energy. It's that That stuff that men don't understand. That's really attractive if you want to be really attractive to a man you need to be You know step into the your polar opposite which you know if you're attracting masculine men Which is what most of the women on this channel want to do it's stepping into that femininity And it's kind of interesting because I get women all the time Who you know, they go like I was just at this event last week and this woman was there and she's like, hey You know like um, I'm looking for a masculine man who wants a strong woman in his life, you know, and I'm like It's so funny, you know, and I get it I get that you want a masculine man But what do you think that masculine man is thinking, you know, is he thinking I want a masculine woman in my life, you know Do I want this strong, you know, you know like You know woman around me, you know am I attracted to that probably not unless he's you know Unless something else is going on there You know, he's probably Want somebody that's feminine who's who's got feminine traits and it doesn't have to be all the time But that's what creates that polarity, right? The polarity is created by You know femininity and masculinity it creates this strong Attraction it creates this feeling and men that make them go. I just you know, just want to eat her up She's just so amazing. I just love her to death, right? And that's that's what? Leaning back and stepping into your femininity does as it makes them feel like, okay, I'm the man of this relationship I'm gonna take on the masculine male roles of this relationship and You know get into something that I want to be in That that works for me that makes sense for me So am I are we still are you still there, Helena? Do you need me for the rest of Yeah, you like totally took the words out of my mouth Yeah, it might get you a good friend like and yes There may be attraction he might want to sleep with you if he's physically attracted to you But you have to if you want him to like fall in love and feel emotionally attracted to you that part of him has To be participating that emotional part and you do that by connecting to your heart to your own feminine energy and Expressing yourself from that place and like a lot of these it's a lot of times. It's unintentional You think like oh well guys like sports day like this So I'll just talk to them at that level and that might get you a good friend or something like that But you have to get in touch with your feminine energy if you want to really attract a masculine energy man From like an emotional sense where he falls in love with you Absolutely, absolutely so all right Okay, so Sweden ola ola from Sweden. Haha. Hello. Who else do we have here in the chat? He's being funny. I am are you talking about me? I'm being funny. Am I being funny? Hey, Helena? Am I being funny right now? You're always being funny. You're always I do have kind of this like Laughing humor thing that I do some people don't get my humor Also, I just want to mention again for it for those who just joined us if you love our live streams and you want us to talk about topics that you're interested in and You know Support our channel and if you want us to do live streams every week and and talk about your questions and whatnot Below this video is there should be a join button if you click on that join button or in the description below There's a button or the link that says to sign up for our membership if you sign up for our membership We're looking to get 20 members and we will start doing live streams every week. So Lisa says that she's been watching the two of us for months now awesome Thank you so much, and I hope that we are helping you out. We've we've had a lot We've our community is growing. We're almost at 95,000 subscribers here So thank you everybody for for being a part of that. We're not done yet, though We've still we're on number seven. Geez. We're um, this is taking us a lot. We might have to break this one up into two So this might be part video part one. All right, so did you want to start off number seven? Yeah I'm just looking at DC Christina's comment. She said one major change She made she started listening to us for advice and not her girlfriends and that and that made a huge difference Yeah, I can totally relate to that too. Yeah Getting advice from your friends. It's like they're very well-meaning sometimes, but a lot of times. I don't know what they're talking about I totally agree. Okay, we're on number seven Yes, yes number seven is wrapping expectations around your communication with a guy and this can happen all the time Like most of these it's unintentional One thing I have my clients do before they say or do anything with a man If they're questioning it is ask themselves What am I hoping it will happen and if they can answer that strongly like well I'm really hoping that he'll ask me out for the weekend or I'm hoping he'll do this or that or hoping He'll give me more of something more affection more time more commitment It's a big clue that you might have this strong agenda and a man can really feel that men are really really sensitive to this Agenda that we can sometimes have and it pushes him away on a very deep level On the other hand, if you were to ask yourself, what am I hoping will happen and the answer is Nothing, I just want to express myself because this is what I'm feeling and this is important to me Then you're good. So if you have an expectation Attached to whatever it is you're sharing with a man That can really like keep him at arm's length and prevent him from feeling safe to come close to you Well, and another thing that it does and I've experienced this many many many times in my life is It it makes the guy feel like you're trying to control him right like you're Wrapping him and you're going this is what you should be doing. This is who you should be This is how you know things should be. Um, I don't know what that was This is how things should be with us And um, it just it feels gross, you know It feels like if if he has um a propensity to want to rebel Against authority or something like that or he doesn't like being controlled That will be a big red flag for him and he will feel really gross it's like So, uh, one of the ways that uh, women do this sometimes is they'll Say things they'll they'll use baiting questions and they'll be bait. There's uh powerful healthy ways to use baiting questions and I talk about that in one of my Programs, I think I talk about that and make him want you. Um, and there's uh unhealthy ways to bait a guy, right? And the unhealthy way is when you're doing it with an expectation Around it. So if you're like, you know, the the classic example that I think you've seen probably a million times On television is do I look fat in these pants? Right? And it's like, um, you know, you're baiting him for an answer And it's kind of like this weird Like thing like, oh, you know, like I'm not looking for the truth. I'm looking for this certain Thing that you're going to do. I'm trying to force you into this You know this whole of how I want you to behave and what I want you to say You know, you can come out and say that From a place of I don't really care what your answer is And it's not a big deal and I have no expectations around it And most of the time, uh, most of the situations that I've seen They don't there's actually a comment on our video today on Helena's video that she she published today because she published a video about men, um getting emotionally closed off and There I think one of the things that she talked about in the video was doing this thing where you talk about how you feel and um One of the things the comment I I can't remember exactly what the comment was but what she said was something like Well, what if I said, you know, I feel like You know something I feel this way because I was expecting you to do this, right? And it's like, well, that's exactly the opposite of what Helena was probably saying in the video, which is coming from the space of you know, expressing yourself and expressing your feelings Without an expectation wrapped around it because it's that expectation that shuts him down and makes him feel like crap And makes him be like, you know, what are we, you know, he feels like he's being manipulated He feels like he's being controlled and he most men, especially masculine men, don't like experiencing that It actually makes his testosterone go down. It's a Fact right there Makes his testosterone Yeah, p the way that you treat a man Determines the way that he experiences treatment around you the way that you interact with them can affect the way That his uh, test uh, how much testosterone he has at any given moment. Um, so Yeah, so you know and going back to the other thing about where we were talking about like things that you might say Or, you know, if you want if you want a guy to do something, um Instead of like creating kind of this ultimatum Situation where you're forcing him to either get into a fight with you or do what you say is You know giving him little signals and clues in a way that he understands That that's really really attractive and I talk a lot about that in the love frames program. So if you're interested in that Check out my love frames program But peppering it peppering it throughout conversations Not all at one time not forcing him to do something right then But thinking about it in the long term because creating those expectations around it can destroy the relationship that you guys have together All right, so number eight Let's talk about number eight here. So letting number eight number eight Is letting him walk all over your boundaries because you think it will make him like you and so this one is a um You know what I think we're gonna do this is gonna be the last one that we go over today And then the next live stream that we do we'll fin it. We'll do the rest of them We'll do part two of this live stream where we'll talk about all the rest of them and and Um, uh, and so if you guys want us to do that live stream Make you make sure that you sign up as a member for our our channel here So there's a join button at the bottom of this video. So check that out All right, so number eight is letting him walk all over your boundaries because you think it will make him like you and so The problem with doing this and this can happen in a variety of different situations, right? So you're in a situation where you're like Um, you know, I need to be home at this certain time Right, and then he kind of keeps you after and you don't do anything about it. You don't Let him know that it, you know Let him know about your boundaries. You don't talk about it again. You don't bring it up again um He you know tries to push for something and you tell him, you know You set a boundary with him that you want something a certain way and instead of stopping it Uh from happening you just let him continue Even though you've you know expressed your boundary in the healthy powerful way that we talked about in the last live stream that we did um If you do that if you let a guy walk all over you it lowers your value to him, right? He feels like you're not serious about it like you um that you don't recognize your own value When you do it, even if you're like, oh, you know, I really just you know, I don't think it's a big deal I want him to like me and so I'm gonna let him do whatever he wants to do and um It's not it's not healthy. It's not good. It's not good for you. It's um It creates a precedent in the relationship where he feels like he can walk all over you and he stops um treating you like you're important or a priority and You know and not all guys will do this but a lot of guys will um Not because they're they're malicious or they're trying to hurt you or anything like that But because it's it's just part of the social hierarchy, right when we're around people we Teach each other how to treat us and we teach each other what's right and what's okay And how they can behave around us and if we start Allowing people to walk all over us they they will walk all over us not because They think that it's the right thing to do but just because they They feel like that's what you want or you're okay with it or maybe You know all all kinds of different things around that but it's really unattractive if you're trying to get into a long term Committed relationship if you let a guy Walk all over your boundaries and just pass right through them and you don't or you don't have boundaries You don't have any boundaries at all um It lowers your value in his eyes and he starts taking you for granted Do you want to say anything about that? Yeah, yeah, we did a whole live stream on this right like raising your value in a man's eyes It all has to do with setting boundaries. There's certainly a right and a wrong way to do it I like to talk about this in terms of keeping your boundaries on the inside like feeling really strong and really Secure within yourself on the inside, which is what allows you to be open and soft and feminine on the outside So that a man can actually get close to you What I've really found is that if you don't feel strong if you don't trust your boundaries And if you don't trust yourself You tend to want to like build these walls around you because you're scared that it's like this Over extension of your boundaries where then no one can get close So you want to think of yourself as trusting yourself feeling really strong on the inside And that's what allows you to be soft and feminine on the outside. So a lot of times you just need to reverse that and A lot of women are um They're afraid that setting a boundary will like scare a man off or like send him out the door completely But that couldn't be further from the truth If he's the right guy for you and you set a boundary he's gonna absolutely like want to respect that and honor you and It's a really good kind of test for man Like if you set a boundary in this way and he Disappears or he doesn't respect that that's giving you a lot of information about what kind of relationship partner He would be so this is something you want to know right away and start off on the right foot and just always stick to your boundaries always always stick to them because The right guy for you will really want to step up and and respect that Right. What do you think about that? No, absolutely. You're 100 correct on that If you set a boundary with a guy and and he just continually tries to walk all over it and You or you set a boundary with a guy and he disappears You're learning a lot about what's going on there, you know With the guy that kind of continues to try to walk all over it What you might be experiencing there is a guy that gets what he wants a lot and so he's attempting to put you in this category Of all the other women and people that he knows Which is women and people that he can walk all over and so if you want to differentiate yourself From all the other women out there, then you have boundaries and you stick to them And he will either decide that wow, she's you know, she has these boundaries and she's you know She knows she's a valuable and important woman and you know, I should keep her Here with me or he will get freaked out or whatever decide that he wants somebody that he can Just walk all over which Typically isn't the case and he will find somebody else and so yeah, it does Maria says does it reestablishing boundaries? Raise your value in his eyes the answer the quick answer to that is yes, it does and if you You know like we talked about before we created a video all about this The last live stream that we did was all about boundaries the whole video was about boundaries And if you do it the right way It's very attractive And you know, he might have a little bit of a resistance to it like I want to you know, like this is what I want But if you're doing it the right way, he'll know that your intentions are good And he'll feel that when he's talking to you and he might you know try to like, you know Push it a little bit more like are you sure about that? Are you sure about that? You're like, yes, I am sure about it and he'll feel it and he'll be like, okay You know, like I I get it and she's coming from a warm Place and you know, I'm she's attracted to me and she likes me You know, she's not totally rejecting me One of the issues that a lot of guys have when you put up boundaries If you're not doing it in the way that Helena and I talk about is that they feel rejected and so If you come out and you throw this boundary out at him and he feels rejected that can make him leave completely That can make him feel like you don't actually care about him that you don't like him that you don't love him That you don't have his Interest at heart that you're not on the same team that you're out for yourself that there's something weird going on maybe you're seeing other people or something like that and so When you do that in in the wrong way, it can Totally derail everything and so it's very important that you get the Down correctly when you're setting a boundary And so like I said, we talk about that in the last live stream that we did if you want to see that It's on if you go to our channel page at the bottom. There's our Previous live streams and it's the last one that we did about value. So Um, yeah, so if if you're on so Christina says, uh, there's no Join button if you are on an iphone in the description, there should be a There should be a link in the description that allows you to join our membership um, it should say something like uh Join our membership here or something like that. Um If not, it'll be in the replay when we when we Publish this on our channel. So, um, either way, you'll you'll end up seeing it on there sometime. I I don't know I just saw it I'm on an iphone. I think you have to close the chat Close the live chat and then click the down arrow in the description And then it's the very first one become a member of our channel You gotta be sure that you have to close the chat first Yeah, close the chat and like we said if we get 20 Members from this we will do live streams every single week and um And answer your questions right and answer all your questions. Yeah answer your questions talk about topics that you want to talk about What else do you Yeah, so everything everything that you want to talk about we will talk about with you We'll answer your questions. Um, and we will be doing this every week. So, um Yeah, so we're gonna leave the last seven Of the communication mistakes or the next time that we do a live stream And they're very important ones And number 15 is kind of the overall overarching one that is the most powerful one And we'll talk a lot about how to do that how to do the opposite of what that one is when we get to it and so, um Uh, yeah, thank you so much for being here with us. Uh, we love you guys You are the best part of our community. Thank you so much for helping us reach I think we're at 93 000 right now subscribers or 94 000 So thank you so much for helping us get there and we appreciate you We love you guys And um, we look forward to talking to you soon and like I said below this video in the description There's a link to join and if we get 20 people 20 people signed up. We will do live streams every single week Uh, and we will talk about everything that you want to talk about. So thank you so much Um, did you want to say anything last parting words? Helena? No, I think you said it all just by thank you for watching till the end We love you guys. We love creating content for you. We created so much this time that we don't even have time to share it All so we'll see you next time and we're really excited because if you just have so much so much great stuff We want to tell you we love doing live streams to yourself. Um, yeah, thanks for watching. This is really fun Yeah, it's so much fun I love getting on here and talking to everybody and interacting and seeing all the comments and you know hearing every What everybody says so thank you so much and uh, we will we will speak with you very soon