Islamophobia for Dummies. Dead Muslims & Terror Babies featuring Stephen Colbert The Colbert Report, Jon Stewart The Daily Show, Keith Olbermann Countdown, Anderson Cooper v Louie Gohmert.
Muslim Zombie Vampire
Colbert: You know what else is insane folks: All the special rights that minorities are asking for these days. Mexican Americans want the right to drive through Arizona, & Muslim Americans want the right to be Muslim. But, if we keep giving them rights, there'll be fewer rights left for us. That's just Math. As I'm sure you all know, on October 30th, I am holding the "March to Keep Fear Alive" and I'm sure alot of you" and I'm sure alot of you are probably terrified that you don't know what to be scared of. Is it the immigrants who came here after our grandparents? Well I will give you a couple of things to be afraid of right now. First of all, Muslims.
Colbert: " 'Steven' you're saying, 'Islam is a religion of peace. Not all Muslims are bad, Certainly we can live side by side.' YES. But can we be dead side by side? Not according to the residents of Sidney New York who are so terrified of Islam that they're demanding that Muslims dig up the bodies of their (Muslim) relatives in a private Muslim cemetery.
Olbermann: Bob McCarthy, town supervisor of Sidney, New York. That's in Delaware county, and he has just set some sort of record for Islamophobia. The city of Sidney approved that cemetery, on private land, 5 years ago, and state troopers have been there to confirm everything is above board, and the town government of Sidney, New York wants the graves desecrated, and the dead Muslims exhumed because the burials didn't break any laws and were already approved.
Maybe they are Muslim zombies just waiting for the cue to jump out of the ground to do something terrible to that prime target of Sidney freaking New York, I mean it is only 38 miles from Binghamton.
Colbert: After all, how dare those Muslims build a grave so close to "ground". (Not "Ground Zero", just "ground") Usually when you die, your threat level decreases significantly. But evidently not with Muslims, they get scarier. Which can only lead to one logical yet terrifying conclusion: Muslim Vampires. That's right, not just sleeper cells...sleeper-in-coffin cells. So nation, protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal: Rub it with pork sausage. Remember, a crucifix won't stop Muslim vampires, they don't care about little statues of Jesus, and if you try to show them a drawing of Muhammad, it just makes them madder.
Gohmert: I'm an easy target. You and Jon Stewart can have your fun, but please at some point look at the gaping hole in our security."
Stewart: So what's the gaping hole in our security that Representative Gohmert is so worried about?
Cooper: ...explosive claim that pregnant foreigners are coming here to give birth to future terrorists. Babies with U.S. citizenship under the 14th amendment, who will then be raised and trained overseas to come back years from now, 20 or 30 years from now, and attack us.
Stewart: That's your gaping hole? Have a baby here take it away for 20 years to raise it as a terror baby to then have it then come back and attack us? That's even not a hole in security, that's the new Will Ferrell movie 'Baby Make a Boom Boom.' Change them before they change America.
Gohmert: When we did the research, we found the hole existed.
Cooper: What research? Could you tell us about the research?
Gohmert: You're attacking the messenger. Anderson you're better than this. You used to be good.
Stewart: What? You used to be good? You gotta feel bad for Louie Gohmert, he seemed kinda hurt by Anderson Cooper's constantly interrupting him with, you know, 'questions' or 'facts'.
Cooper: The FBI says this just isn't happening. You're just spreading scare stories. This is completely about politics.
Gohmert: It is happening. It is happening.
Cooper: "Where? Give me some evidence. Tell me one person, one terror baby that's been born. Can you tell me?
Gohmert: The explosions will not happen for 10, 15, 20 years, and then you will be one of those blips
Stewart: What? Did that guy just call Anderson Cooper a blip? I'm sure that Rep. Gohmert realizes it's probably easier for a terrorist to recruit Americans than to count on terror babies doing what their parents want them to, because you know when they become terror teens, they tune you out.
He's probably frustrated, it's not the first time that Gohmert has tried to protect us and been rebuffed. Like when we attempted to put terrorists on trial in New York city.
Gohmert: We brought terrorists back to NY city. Back to the most densely populated area. We inflicted upon ourselves even more terror.
Stewart: Actually, no, because this time when we brought them back, we had them in handcuffs. I don't know if you know this, but terrorists are not naturally packed with explosives...Gunpowder Babies!