 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan as I have Jonathan as a common I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today our topic the one common reason why men act passive or go slow Really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new content if this content resonates with you Please hit that like button. Lastly. These are my weekend videos. I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery if you'd like to have direct access to me on a regular basis Check out the link below to my VIP group And this is a group where you can ask me questions directly and I shoot videos based on the questions you ask Personally for you. All right, let's jump into the one of the common one of the common Common reasons why men act passive slow wishy-washy all those things that frustrate many of you women And I know this can be very confusing because in the early stages of dating men Ten to when they like someone when a man likes someone when a woman likes someone we we start getting closer together when we feel a Connection with another human being we we want to come closer to them And we want to spend time with them because the reality is as most humans are seeking Connection with one another the reason why we're dating out there is because we want to feel a connection to another human Being we want some companionship and we want some physical Intimacy this is the common reason why people start coming together now when I say common reason why they come together I know many of you women are thinking well the reason why we get together is because we want to be in Relationship or partnership with one another but quite frankly the real reason why we start moving together is we Physically feel something for it with another human being and that's what causes us to start coming closer Now this can be really confusing for many of you because you just expect it to be this closeness They you're really close to one another But all of a sudden you start feeling this you start feeling it start to drift apart drift apart drift apart Or you start seeing it come close move away come close move away And these actions could simply look like things like you haven't heard from them for a few days And you're wondering what's going on and then he follows up with a message saying hey Let's get together, but you're confused that you didn't hear from him So this this behavior might seem like it's wishy-washy It might seem like it's passive or slow, and I want to go deeper into what causes this What's the real cause of all of this because while it could mean that the person isn't really capable of being in Relationship there could be something deeper going on inside. Okay So first we have to recognize that the beginning stage of dating is driven by lust It's driven by limerence, and if you're not familiar with the word limerence I highly suggest you Google it, but it means or what it really means is extreme infatuation So that's what causes people to come close together is that physical, you know aspect of the relationship The next aspect of a relationship is the building of the friendship is the emotional Connection between two people and during that time it's determining. Do we share the same values with this person? Do we feel like we can really connect on an emotional level from a friendship perspective because I want you to think about this When you think of communication, I want you to think about are you in relationship with someone that you can communicate like? They're your best friend, and I don't necessarily have to make it extreme like best friend We can say a really good friend. Does it feel like you're with someone you can communicate like they're your friend in fact Very few people very few couples get to this level of actually communicating at that friendship level This is where a lot of relationships start to separate because they're unable to get to that level of communication Okay, another level is does this person lifestyle fit with my lifestyle? This person's lifestyle fit with my lifestyle and lastly does our relationship have a common cause Do we have a common purpose together now? Why I'm sharing with you is these are all the little complexities in a relationship and I'll get to the common reason Why men act passive slow or wishy-washy okay, but there's different stages of getting to a relationship to getting to a fully Committed relationship that juicy delicious healthy relationship that many of you all want Okay, so what trips us up? What causes many men and women to act wishy-washy to act passive to act slow? Well oftentimes it's some Trauma that's happened in their life, and it could be multiple traumas that happen in their life It could be they've gone through a nasty Divorce it could be that they have issues going on at work It could mean that they have health issues going on These are just some of the things that might cause someone to come close and push away come close and push away In fact, many of you know my story Both my story of when I went through a contentious divorce and lost all my money in the marketplace And I was a total train wreck To losing my son In the summer of 2018 And the reason why I'm bringing this up is this is a big trauma that happened in my life And it can and I recognize that it's caused me to be fearful of love Let me repeat that's caused me to be fearful of love And why is that because on some level losing a child feels like an abandonment and it feels like I put all this Okay, now I'm going to get emotional I put all that and I don't mean it this way folks But I put all this energy into a person and then poof they were gone And that's where it weighed heavily on my soul My spirit my desire and while I want that connection with another human being I recognize that within myself my behavior might seem wishy-washy. It might seem passive. It might seem slow Now many of you probably say well, jonathan, I give you a pass for that because that's a child that you lost But it doesn't matter what the reason Like I said, it could be a contentious divorce. It could be issues going on at work It could be health issues. It could be family issues. There's multiple reasons why people are struggling on the inside To really create to have that foundation underneath them to lean into deeper intimacy Beyond that physical sexual peace and this is one of the reasons why I wrote my book What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? There's a link below to get my book This is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work To shore up That emotional chaos that might be going on inside someone By the way, as I mentioned, these are my weekend videos. I shoot on my balcony I want to share with you my coffee cup says Sometimes you forget you're awesome. So this is your reminder. So this is your reminder And I also my t-shirt says kindness is so gangsta And it's kind of apropos because I wanted everybody on this particular video to understand that most men are good people Most women are good people. It's just they might be struggling on the inside in some way shape or form In fact, the number one emotional health issue facing most everyone is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable I'm not likeable. So why I'm sharing this with you is that physical Connection that draws us together is great. It brings us together What's so important are the next steps in relationship is that creating that true emotional connection that that bond of friendship That bond of real friendship and how does friendship occur? Well, it requires doing social activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends And what I'm seeing today is so few couples are actually investing in building the roots to deeper trust to allow that to happen Now partially is because many of you ladies have been indoctrinated in this belief that men are the leaders of the Relationship and they'll they're gonna claim you and that the shiva chivalrous and all you have to do Is lean back into your feminine energy and it's all just gonna magically work out I crack up on that shit like this whole thing is all you gotta do is lean back from your feminine energy And a man is gonna claim you Here's the thing men will claim sex. There's no doubt about it Well that first stage that draws two people together. Yeah, men are all in on that Here's the real challenge. How do you build a relationship beyond the sex? That's the real question that many of you should be asking This is why i'm such a big proponent of everybody reading the book eight dates by doctors john and jolly gotman Eight dates by doctors john and jolly gotman. This is a deep dive into understanding the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship Because if you don't understand how a relationship works Because you've all been indoctrinated in the disney fantasy of how it works It's time to move on Many of you that follow my channel are divorced and you knew what didn't work on that one But you haven't figured out how to make the next one or the next one or the next one work out So ladies listen more women Read books on relationships than men. That's just it more women read books on relationships than men Men do personal development work. They do spiritual work. They do mindfulness work When it comes to relationships women are purchasing these books 10 fold greater So here's what you may want to do to shift the narrative To help your relationship start to form the bond where you become close together And then it becomes solid like this because you have to recognize that beyond the lust and limerence phase You have to get to the friendship phase and then you have to get to the blending lives phase And then last you have to figure out your common cause together Because that's what's going to develop the roots to deep trust How are you going to do that ladies? Here's my invitation Purchase two copies of this book after you buy my book Purchase two copies of this book and when you start to engage in a relationship with a man Just say look i'm open to exploring a relationship with you I'm going to do it under the premise that we do it mindfully and intentionally And if you want your penis inside my vagina Then i'm going to require that we both read this book to see if we're actually a good fit for one another Ladies what this is going to do is take that lust Piece out and it's going to allow the friendship piece to come in because here's the thing I Shared my personal experience about connor What this one of the reasons what makes me wishy washy passive or slow is I don't feel safe That's the primary reason why someone acts wishy washy slow passive That sort of thing is because they don't feel safe How are you going to build safety by bringing two people together on an emotional level? Beyond the physical level That's the only way it's going to happen and that's going to require building the roots to trust And my suggestion is this book is a great opportunity to dialogue to build that to see if you're really a good fit for one another Now sadly you could do all this work with the wrong person Okay, you could be doing it with a person who's emotionally and by the way, some men will do this but they're not ready Some men are emotionally immature. Some of you don't share the same values your lifestyles aren't blendable This is why I highly recommend checking out the link to a free discovery call with me Because my work is centered around teaching you how to vet for all of this to pre-qualify your prospects So when you're actually making this investment by recommending these books, you're doing it with the right guy And not a guy that's just in it for the short run So check out the link the schedule is called to learn about coaching with me All right, so why do men act passive slow wishy washy that sort of thing It's because most likely they're suffering on the inside from some past trauma or some ongoing trauma That makes it difficult for them to have the foundation to be in relationship to build those roots of trust And i'm setting you up right now Setting you up to start to recognize this because you've got to let go of this princess fantasy energy That this whole thing is manager It's going to claim you and it's all going to work out magically when you all you do is sit back and do nothing I'm here to suggest be intentional Be purposeful be mindful because this is going to create a greater chance for success than being passive to the whole process Is this making sense? Is this resonating? Is this sinking in? Do you like my shirt? All right, I think this is a good place to ask you Hey post a comment below if this resonated with you and if you have any questions, please post it below I do my best to read all of them And if you find value in this check out the link to my group called midlife love mastery and all the other links I have below All right, this is a good place to wrap up this video first off I'm going to give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye now