 I just found out a friend of mine is being abused by someone I know and she won't let me tell anyone what do I do. I promised I would keep it a secret before I knew the whole story. That was where you made the mistake. Usually when I'm counseling or discipling I tell people I will keep confidences unless it's a sin issue and then if they don't repent you can't do that because confidentiality without accountability is not biblical. So thank you. So I don't know I think I would go back to her and tell her that if the abuse is still going on I don't know what kind of abuse you're talking about if it's sexual, physical, if it's a family member, you know there's not a lot of information here but if it's certainly against the laws of God and the laws of Florida you need to report it and you need to tell her that you've sinned against her and that by promising her to do something that you can't do before God because your loyalty goes to God before her. So if there's more information on that you can email me or call me when I get to the airport and we can talk about it more. I'd really like more information before I give a little more counsel on that. So just learn from that. That's one thing I've learned is I tell people I will keep confidences unless there's sin issue that's not repented of and I can't do that before God. The second question is Paul suffered need why doesn't God promise to provide for our needs and then they cite Matthew 6 where Jesus says you know why worry about what you're gonna eat what you're gonna drink what you're gonna put on is not the life more than food and the body more than raiment and behold the fowls of the air etc and then he says for don't worry about these things for the Gentiles seek these things but seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness then these things will be added to you. Certainly there is God has promised to supply all our needs not our wants and we look at the example of the apostle Paul and I guess you could even look at the martyrs and say well you know God didn't provide for them he killed them you know he allowed them to suffer persecution to the point of death and yeah you have to marry all that with the sovereignty of God the passage that he loves the death of his children the psalmist says God loves the death of his children and so I do think that we can't bank on the fact that you know that God we can't say well because God hasn't provided for this specific need that I have that he's not that he's a God who lies because he's a God who can't lie and I think you have to ask yourself is this a legitimate need is it a need or a want yeah Paul was hungry but he didn't die of hunger or you know and there are people that are dying all over the world of hunger that's true but I don't think we can fault God with not providing for them he said the poor you're always gonna have with you me you don't always have with you so I think that's a it's a good question but I don't think we can go to scripture and say that you know because this you know God hasn't provided the money for me this month to pay for my electric bill that he's a God who lies I would ask you how are you spending your money this past month you know and so again more information on this question I do think God's promised to supply what we need but many times our needs are wants and not really legitimate needs but again I'd more information on that question and you can email me if you so desire we can dialogue but more about that doesn't mean that there's some promise from God that we're not gonna suffer we're not gonna die we're not gonna you know there's a lot of tragedy in the world and God that's part of the the problem from Adam and Eve was sin came into the world and so anyway there's just a that this is a deep theological question that we could spend a long time on but I have to catch a plane this is what I wanted this for when you have made confession and repented against sin to the Lord how do you determine if another person has genuinely come to repentance that's a great question I was just talking to that wife yesterday on the phone and you know she said that her husband was you know saying well you know he was just the pawn in God's sovereignty and so the adulterous relationship he had for three years was all of a part of God's sovereignty and I said bogus and I said from the things you're telling me your husband is not genuinely repentant and I'd be very very concerned because genuine repentance has certain signs to it and Paul talks very clearly in 2nd Corinthians 7 9 to 12 about what repentance looks like and so this is a good way to determine whether you're just have godly sorrow like Esau you're sorry you got your hand caught caught in the cookie jar or if it is sorrow that leads to repentance and so he gives a list and if you purchased James or you have James it's on page 263 but he lists these seven ways that you can know first of all you're careful in other words a godly sorrow deals with the issues of sin in your life but a worldly sorrow just produces a carelessness you're just really not kind of like that man well God sovereign so I was just the pawn in his in his whole scheme of things to commit adultery with the pastor's wife for three years no I don't think so number two a cleansing of yourself Paul says someone who's truly repentant will seek the forgiveness of God and others worldly sorrow produces rationalizing your sin excusing it defending yourself thirdly Paul says you have indignation that means you have a righteous anger that you have offended a holy God but a worldly sorrows just anger because of the mess you're in fourthly Paul says genuine repentance produces fear genuine sorrow produces a fear of God and fear of the fact that you have displeased him but worldly sorrow produces a fear of the consequences that you're gonna get for your sin in this situation this pastor had to step down from his pastorate because of his wife number five vehement desire a longing a true person who's repentant longs has an intense craving to settle the issue and get all of the relationships restored but worldly sorrow just produces a longing for does not produce a longing for true restoration number six zeal a person who's truly repentant has a zeal to remove sin and see the work of reformation with a great zeal a worldly sorrow will be content to be lethargic about sin there's no battle against sin no hatred for sin no fighting against sin and then lastly Paul says the seventh sign that you know someone is repenting is full punishment in other words this produces an avenging of the wrong the person no longer tries to protect himself no matter what the cost worldly sorrow produces no effort to correct the problem which is the heart so those are some great signs here dead thanks and you can study those out for yourself that second Corinthians and Paul is very clear what genuine repentance looks like and of course he's just dealt with the man who had committed incest from first Corinthians and into second Corinthians he said that man's repented now forgive him and restore him into your fellowship and so very good passage in dealing with what genuine and those are the things that I look for and those are the things that I counsel women when they're dealing with a husband who's been unfaithful or some type of sin issue I'll say well genuine repentance has genuine signs to it according to the Bible and so those are the things you want to look for when looking at whether someone's repent or not I can tell you so much and Christ within you grateful for you thank you that's not a question but that's nice okay what are some examples of how you edify and strengthen your husband I know you both are busy and demanding schedules for ministry I pray for my husband every day that's one way that I edify or strengthen him he doesn't know that but I do I encourage him I also I know this that maybe doesn't sound like edifying but when I think he's really bombed a sermon I tell him or something I don't really understand what you're saying but anyway I you know in fact somebody asked Doug one time who holds you accountable and he goes are you serious do you know my wife and so he says I wish I'd never taught her how to memorize scripture but and I do that's one way I edify and strengthen him it's lovingly confronting but I don't I really weigh what's important you know I you know there's so many things you just need to overlook love covers a multitude of sins I don't make issues out of non-essentials and I've learned how to graciously appeal to him I've learned how to just wait and pray and many times the Lord just changes things but I I'm you know my husband I we have a good relationship and I speak the truth to him in love and and he does me as well so anyway that's how I would edify and strengthen him Jonathan Edwards would think about the torments of hell and the tortured martyrs in order to put his own trials into perspective what do you do in your own trials or do you follow a similar method not so much you know Peter says be sober be diligent because your dad was adversary the devil is like a roaring lion seeking whom he made of our whom resists steadfast in the faith knowing the same afflictions are accomplished in your brother and that through our throughout the world and so you know there's no temptation taking us but such as his common demand God is faithful he will with a way make a way of escape so that you can bear it and so for me a way of escape during times of temptation and trials are reminding myself of what I already have memorized I rehearse scripture in my mind like this morning even with the little bit of an issue I had with my husband like please don't unplug my you know I immediately start begin rehearsing scripture and what I know to be true and praying and just leaving it in the Lord's hand and moving on and so there are times that you know just you know that I'll visit with a woman and go and she'll tell me about her deep sorrows or trials and and it does put perspective on my own trials like really I'm not suffering at all compared to this person so but I don't dwell on that so much I just know what I what I should be doing and that is taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ and transforming my mind and so when Peter wrote that he was writing to the persecuted Christians that many of them were being beaten for their faith many of them were being set to fire as torches for Nero's garden and were being killed for their faith and he says you know just resist him steadfast in faith cast your cares on him he cares for you and so I do a lot of those things when I'm going through trials but I actually didn't know that fact about Jonathan Edwards but anyway that's what I do how do you keep someone from stealing your joy kind of what we just talked about I don't focus on the circumstances I don't focus on the people I take my thoughts captive I memorize God's Word I rehearse what I've memorized I also like to listen to really good Christian music probably most of you have you know some type of a something on your phone I have Pandora radio set to the music stations that I personally like the music that personally lifts my heart to worship so a lot of times I'll just put my earbuds in and and start praising the Lord and you know so what Jehoshaphat did when he said Lord we don't know what to do but our eyes are upon you and it says when they begin to praise and worship the Lord the Lord acted and intervened for Jehoshaphat and so music is great for me personally I love music I like to sing and so that has helped me a lot if I'm feeling that my joy might be taken away I just praise the Lord and it's as my friend says who mentors me one of my mentors she says Susan it's amazing what praising can do and she lives in Oklahoma she's 82 but she's from Georgia and then if I really am really struggling and I can't seem to get victory doing all the things I know to do I'll ask someone to pray for me and hold me accountable and about six six or eight weeks ago when all this was you know coming to fruition I was trying to pack the house and go for all these trips and just be a pastor's wife and I mentor several women it's just almost overwhelming for three or four days I really just felt like I might have a heart attack and I thought this is sin this has got to stop this and so I ask one of my friends to pray for me and hold me accountable and help me so you know sometimes we need those Aaron and hers to hold our hands up and we can't do it anymore fight the battle so ask others to pray for you and to help you how do you discipline yourself to choose what is worthwhile for God's glory last night's lesson is really good I'm also going to talk about a little bit about this in the next session about purpose statement and so for me and I think I excuse me if you're gonna be here the next session I'll share a little bit more about that but I did give all those questions last night on how to choose what is most excellent but I'll share a little bit more next session how do you how do I control my emotions stop it that's what I say stop it you guys know what I'm talking about have you ever seen that YouTube Paul Newman when the lady comes in with the fear that she's gonna be buried alive in a box any of you seen that it's hilarious fact someone sent it to me one time and they said this is what I imagine your counseling sessions to be like I mean not Paul Newman it was Paul Newhart and he just goes well stop it stop it you know so in fact I used to have a discipling motto called snap out of it but I don't anymore so I'm trying to you know practice mercy and compassion but you know the Bible does have a lot to say about women and their emotions in fact Paul says to Titus older women teach young women to be self-controlled in other words to have their emotions under control so I would find whoever wrote this find an older woman that can help you learn how to control your emotions and to teach you and walk with you during that Paul God's provided that through an older woman so find one a good one a godly one is it biblical for women to remain single and how would you know whether you have the gift of singleness yes Debbie is single I know a lot of single women if you have the gift of singleness I think you would just have that drive you would not have a drive to be married or have children that you would just you know I'm discipling a young woman right now and she has no desire to be married but she does have a desire to serve the Lord completely and wholeheartedly and so I think God will just put that burden within your heart if a woman does remain single how would you how would she utilize her gift oh my there's so many ways Paul says an unmarried woman carries for the cares for the things of the Lord how she may please him but a married woman cares for the things of her husband and so as a single woman you have so many advantages that a married woman does not have because you can fully give your life to the Lord and serve him so I would say find out what your spiritual gifts are whether you're married or single and start using them whatever they are and start using them to the glory of God have you ever tried memorizing two books of the Bible at the same time and so did it get no I had never have and I don't plan to it's hard enough just one no I and I'm no I'm I start with a book and I finish it and I review it correctly so that I have it and then I move on to the next one so I would not try that I mean you can but I think it would be very difficult now I have known women that have started memorizing a book of the Bible and they say you know I really want to stop and I want to go memorize a psalm and come back to it and I said well that that'd be good but I personally unless you just have an unbelievable brain I couldn't do that in fact a lot of times I'll be reviewing like first John and all of a sudden I'm in the Gospel of John like how did I get there well because John writes a lot of the same things in first John and John or I've memorized the Gospel of Matthew and John and sometimes they're similar stories and I've looked at Mark and Mark is so much like Matthew I'm like that's one of the books I haven't memorized I'm like I'm not sure I'm going to because I think I might really get confused so how do you how do we listen to you on worldview radio www.worldviewweekend.com but I think it's on the brochure isn't it mm-hmm oh that is it not on that I think it's on that too didn't you did you write it on that yeah it's on there so worldviewweekend.com you'll see my mugshot even though I don't look anything like that now that was taken about 15 years ago I was thinner no gray hair and you know so but you'll see me I'm the only woman on that radio program the others are there's about I think you've had several of them Mike Abendorff is on worldview weekend Justin Peters is on worldview weekend so anyway you'll find me on there yes right there at the bottom of my seat I told you I don't look anything like that mm-hmm what advice would you give to young ladies that want to be saved and follow the Lord I know God is the one who saves us and I don't want to be just morally conformed it's difficult with the pulls of this world how would you advise us to handle friendships with other girls that were around but don't have interest in the things of the Lord you know Paul's told young Timothy flee youthful us flee youthful us but follow after righteousness faith love peace so I would tell you encourage you yes God is the author of salvation if you don't know the Lord just keep pursuing him ask him to save you but I would not you know Bible also says bad company corrupts good morals I have known young women who have fallen due to picking wrong girlfriends and so I choose my friends very carefully it's not that I don't minister to people that are lost and pagan and ungodly but I don't spend the bulk of my time with them because we become like the people we hang out with in fact the Bible says don't be around an angry person lest you learn their ways and so I think that goes for anything if you hang or you notice it if you know how men and women is they're married they become like each other and if you're married to a husband that complains it's probably very difficult for you not to become a complainer because you can't you you tend to be like the person you spend time with and I've shared those stories with you about the two ladies that disciple me and and how the one you know she had a habit of snorting every time she laughed and so after a year into our discipling relationship I found myself snorting after every laugh and I was like well that's not very feminine and so I started becoming like her and you know my husband's even made some notes about like one particular person he said I'm glad you don't spend as much time with her anymore because he said I noticed you were becoming very critical like she is so and the other lady that disciples me she she's from the South she's the one that says it's amazing what praising can do and one one summer my son came home from seminary and he said mom there's something really different about you and I was gonna say yeah he's gonna say you know you're so much more spiritual than he used to be I he didn't say that he said you're wearing more jewelry than you used to well guess what my mentor Carolyn she wears a necklace and earrings and you know so I you know I was like well that's really attractive I'm gonna start doing that so I would share with you as a young girl I would be very careful about the friends you choose and I would not give in to the world's pressure do not let the world squeeze you into its mold and it's okay to be a fool for Christ's sake the Bible says we're strangers we're aliens and so I mean I'd be gracious but just say you know I just really I can't get involved in this activity I can't spend time with you I'm sorry or I know people try to swim upstream and conform the other person it makes me crazy when people get married and I say you know you shouldn't marry that person they're not very godly well I'm gonna conform them no you're not they're gonna conform you and that's usually what happens so be careful now I have not seen these questions so I'll see if the other ones I kind of went through my mind a little bit what was the pastor that had harmony for 50 years oh RC Chapman does he have books I think he does RC Chapman a pastor in the 1800s okay how can we serve without feeling we're neglecting our duties as a wife mother daughter well I think your first duty is to your home you're to be your to that is your first calling to your home you should be making sure you're keeping your home in order keep her at home attend to the domestic fares of your household that's what Titus 2 says Proverbs 31 she looks well to the ways of her household she doesn't eat the bread of idleness so make sure that you're being the wife mother and everything you should be first and then you should also be using your gifts and talents for the Lord and so I I would talk to your husband if you're married talk to your husband about this what does he feel like you have time to do I have a friend in Florida different part of Florida she was heading up the women's ministries and she just had to bow out I mean she's a mother she homeschools for kids and she was head of women's ministries and she was burning the candle at both ends and her husband's finally said enough is enough so she has stepped out of heading up women's ministries right now but she's serving in other ways in the church so just remember your first duties to your home and I would talk to your husband about it I pray about it and but you should be serving in some capacity we all should be using our gifts and being content is there such a thing as taking contentment too far not caring at all about anything I feel that way is that sin well I don't know what you mean about not caring about anything but you know I don't know that you can take contentment too far but you don't want to become apathetic or immune to other people's hurts and needs if you're saying that yeah that's not good but but as far as being content and you know people hate you and they persecute you or your husband you know is harsh with you and you can let that roll off your back I'd say that's great you've learned contentment and to allow people to steal your joy or your peace that's good but if you're talking about being immune to the cares of others then that's not good so I'm not quite sure what you're asking but you can come see me if you if I didn't answer that correctly how can a wife encourage her husband who struggles with contentment well actually I'm discipling someone now whose husband is like that and she says that what she does and I think it's really good in fact when all this start now this isn't me but when all the started with our moving and and everything that my husband said Susan I I really wish you didn't have all these speaking engagements coming up and I saw I'll cancel him he said no I don't want to cancel and I said well honey God knew that he knew that we were gonna move and all this was good and he will give us grace you know so I think just lovingly remind if your husband struggles with my husband doesn't my husband is the ultimate optimist and and he loves life and all that but I think just lovingly reminding them of God's word and you don't be a nag and don't be his mother but or his holy spirit but you graciously just remind them of God's faithfulness and what we do have but honey we look what God's provided for us and so I would combat the negativism and the lack of content with things that God has done for you and you live a life of contentment don't let him see you complaining and so I would live that before him and maybe he needs to be discipled maybe you need to find you know say honey if you ever considered you know getting with the pastor from time to time or elder so-and-so or never considered a discipling relationship because it seems like you really have fallen into this sin and I would call it sin you have fallen into this sin of discontent and it's really affecting our marriage and our home and maybe you need to pray about meeting with another man that could help you in this area so you could say something like that do you really have two stomachs yes medically and literally I do I have the x-rays to prove it so what happened was the most you know the story when I was 30 God inflicted me with severe pain put me in the hospital flat on my back two weeks isolation I didn't get to see my kids my husband nothing and that was the time God saved me because I was I thought I was a Christian but I was living a life of hypocrisy and sin and you know Charles Hatton's virgin says what you are at home is what you are and what I was at home was not what I was at church and so those two weeks in the hospital I was flat on my back and then six more weeks at home and the pain was not related to having two stomachs but it was another situation I had a the main artery going up to my heart was kinked he said like a water hose and that was what was causing the pain but anyway in all that process they ran me through every test under the Sun because I was vomiting uncontrollably I mean it's just a bad deal but it's what God used to save me so I'm thankful for it now and because I begin to see my hypocrisy and I repented for the first time saw myself as a sinner but anyway my doctor happened to be an elder in our church and so he came in one day and he said I bet it costs a lot to feed you and I was like what and he goes do you have a good appetite and I go yeah I can out eat it out eat any of my girlfriends and he said well do you know you have two stomachs and they both function I was like no I didn't know that but I said that sure explains a lot so anyway he put the x-ray on that thing and he showed it to me and yes I have two stomachs and they both function so I can prove it by the x-rays you know I met one lady one time she was she told me she had two uteruses and she had to have one removed because it was causing problems so I mean we're fearfully and wonderfully made and I'm weirdly made in fact a few years ago I went to go get a root canal and the Parodontist called in all his employees and he said look at this woman's mouth she has double roots and double canals he said I've never seen this in all my practice so I think this is what my husband thinks I was supposed to be a twin and I mutated because my husband says if I die he's got to get seven wives to replace me because I have the energy of about seven women too so I'm very high energy and very disciplined and organized and so I don't know but I could very possibly I don't know what else I have to but it's true and I can prove it I'm not lying I'm a victim of molestation I feel it affects my relationship with my husband I want to submit to my husband and obedient towards God how can I let go of such a memory and we're gonna talk about that next session quite a bit for getting what is behind and moving on actually I'm gonna talk quite a bit about that but I would say scripture memorization is huge in transforming your mind renewing your mind I also was a victim of molestation and I have no ill will I don't think about it the person's never asked for my forgiveness and it wasn't my dad and but and I also was when I was in fourth grade I also watched my sixth grade best friend her name was Rose Joyner I also watched her be tied to a tree and be molested and we had to go and identify two young boys who had done that to her and it was kind of a creepy time but you know I think I think that's more common than we realize that many of us have been molested either by a father or uncle or cousin or brother or something like that so there is victory and there is hope in Christ and we can talk about that more in the next session and I don't know if any good books out there I've done a lot of counseling on sexual abuse and honestly I wouldn't recommend any of the books because they're so perverted and they talk about that stuff and I don't I wouldn't don't want to fill your mind with more sexual perversion so but you know I would I'd read the scriptures I studied the scriptures I would memorize scripture that pertain to that particular problem the passage we're gonna look at after lunch would be great for getting those things which are behind and pressing on toward the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus so anyway thank you for your time and goodbye