 When you feel like going back to the narcissist, when you feel like wanting to be around them again, when you feel like going back to the narcissist, this can often be because you are in a trauma bond. A trauma bond occurs as a result of ongoing cycles of abuse. The intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change. A trauma bond is formed due to intense emotional experiences with a narcissist or toxic person. It holds you emotionally captive to an abuser who keeps you hostage through either physical or emotional abuse. The bond is strengthened by intermittent reinforcement. This may include love bombing, fake promises, fake apologies, fake epiphanies, future fake in and small acts of kindness. This is what keeps you stuck in the relationship. You may also be wounded from the feeling of abandonment and this may make you want to go back to relieve these feelings. You know that they are not how they portray themselves to be. You know that they're deceptive and that they don't really care about you but you can't seem to let go whenever they show even the smallest amount of kindness. You doubt yourself. You start to believe that maybe they are a decent person after all. You start to believe that maybe they do have your best interests in mind while they're just focused on their own interests or needs. They've hurt you so many times to the point where you don't know what's right or wrong. You don't know what's real or not real. No matter what they say or do to you, you're always ready to take them back. You're always ready to give them another chance. All they have to do is act like they're ready to change or give you a little bit of attention and before you know it, they're back in your life again as though nothing ever happened. You're always walking on eggshells. You're worried about saying or doing something wrong. You do whatever you can to please them and meet their needs while neglecting your own but you don't want to accept the truth and reality of the situation. You continue to invest in their false image. You continue to believe that they're whoever they want you to think they are because it's overwhelmingly painful to accept that all the time, energy and money you've invested into this person has gone to waste. When you make an investment, you're hoping to get a ROI. You're hoping to get something back for you to accept that their false image isn't real. You would have to accept that there is no return on your investment and when you've put all of your time, energy and money into something, that can be very difficult to accept. You feel addicted to the narcissist. You feel like you need them, like you can't live without them. You spend countless hours trying to explain to them, trying to get them to see things in the way that you do, trying to get them to see your perspective. You want them to reciprocate the efforts that you are putting into the relationship or at least to stop hurting you. You lose sleep, time and energy trying to turn them into a decent person rather than recognizing and accepting that they may never change. Your main focus is on satisfying their demands rather than focusing on your own needs or self-care. You can no longer see reality or yourself clearly. Their endless insults or criticisms have lowered your self-worth. You've been conditioned to believe that you're not worthy of safety or peace. This has a significant influence on how you treat yourself. You feel trapped. You develop learned helplessness. You are no longer using or learning adaptive responses to difficult situations. You accept that bad things will happen and that you have little control over them and you may be unsuccessful in resolving issues even when there is a potential solution. You may have other choices or options but if it involves cutting off the narcissist you're not going to be able to do it because you feel tied to them. You forget your own worth and value. You believe that you deserve this kind of treatment and that is why you stick around. That is why you continue to put up with it. You may have been confident and self-assured before you met the narcissist but now you believe that you're unworthy of their attention, affection or respect. They've managed to convince you that you're not enough. They've managed to convince you that you should fight for their approval or to get your basic needs met. It makes you lower your standards and expectations of a relationship. You feel the need to go back to them so that you can get their approval or validation. They've defined your worth and value for such a long time. They've dictated to you what you're worthy or deserving of so now you feel the need to return to them. You crave their attention, affection or respect. You want them to tell you that you are enough. You are worth something. You will never get this validation from the narcissist. They will never be able to see the value in you because they can't see the value in themselves but you don't need them to see the value in you. You can see the value in yourself. You don't need them to respect you. You can respect yourself by walking away. You don't need them to love you. You can give yourself the love that you need. You may feel like you need to go back to the narcissist for closure or validation. You may believe that it will make you feel better but really you don't need anything from them. You already have everything you need. You can validate yourself. You can give yourself permission to be happy and contented with life when you're with the narcissist. Most of the time they disrespect in you but even in the rare cases where they are treating you with respect and you do feel good about yourself for that brief moment. They're not really making you happy. You're making yourself happy. You're giving yourself permission to feel that way. We choose how we feel. No one else has the power to do that. We have to give ourselves permission to feel however we feel so recognize this and understand that you do have everything you need. You don't need closure or validation from the narcissist. You had the answers all along. You knew your worth. You knew your value. It's just you spent so much time around someone who couldn't see the value in you because they couldn't see the value in themselves and we must first see the value in ourselves before we can recognize the value in anyone else. Look within yourself and recognize your own value and you may then have this epiphany that the only reason why the narcissist made you doubt your own value is because they knew that if you really knew just how valuable and special you are you would never have put it up with how they treated you. You would never have allowed them to disrespect you and you would have realized that they're not bringing anything of value to you but that's what they have to do to keep you around. They have to make you believe that you don't deserve anything more. They have to shame you and make you feel like you're not enough because that's what's going to keep you around. That's what's going to keep you running back to them for validation but you don't need to go back to them. There's nothing they can give to you that you can't give to yourself. Validate yourself. Recognize your own worth. Recognize your own value and realize that you are worthy of love. You are worthy of respect and you are enough. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos. If you like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.