 Let's all go to the lobby Let's all go Actually I will not be going to the lobby You want to have a hot girl summer? $400 You want to find out how some dude single-handedly turned the Japanese population to a bunch of KFC drumsticks? $700 Alongside a 5 for 5 meal It's been around since I was a kid 5 pieces of hot and crispy chicken 4 only rice Tom Cruise putting his life on the line Babies and Friars An old white man with a whip in the year 2023 You're on thin ice, pal Get back My debit card has been a revolting door One day I'm seeing animal abuse The next day I'm seeing a million spider people I also have schizophrenia Oh look at me, I attend a film studies class And use letter box How about you get a job And find some friends with a f***ing loser Oh, no, no, no, not that one That's an 824 one made by Raka Raka Sh** This summer has been a rapid fire with the amount of films releasing And weekend after weekend I get an excuse to sit in an air conditioner theater To escape the 110 degree hell hole That is my hometown And since I'm a nice guy to everybody that isn't a Yankee people That is 43 Celsius You're welcome On the surface you might think that all the young boys and girls are running to the cinema Cashing in their allowance to see fire and water have sex But what's actually happening is that all the money that little William made over here Is being thrown on the 110 degree floor To burn away in front of his eyes And if not he might as well be Because these movies are sure as hell not seeing any of that money They might as well debuted in the ocean Flop after flop after Oh my god Look it's a flopper Have you seen my dad? Fortnite China And unlike the usual movie flops These ones are especially strange Because something like this has never happened before Some of these movies were expected to be juggernauts Pumped full of cash and high expectations But are now nose diving straight into the ground What the hell are you doing boy? You ain't no playboy Cardi Barbie and that dude in a school lesson you fell asleep to Are beating out films like Transformers Let them come What the f**k? Exclusive Disney stuff The Flash and Indiana Jones And these results are making all the rich assholes at Bigwell Tower Run around like headless chickens in full panic Whooping the ass of every 18 year old intern in sight asking What's making the films flop? Why is everything falling apart? Is cinema dead? What are we going to do? I need to call my wife I hate my kids I drink my job Why did I marry this girl? What is this madness? Shut shut shut shut Look look look I'm your friend I'm the guy who made the video about the sad raccoon And the movie posters And the one that Woody and Buzz get a milli Cause I'm f**king him Stop stop stop stop stop I'm too humble for praise Alright calm down I'm awesome And this has been known So get a cold one A little snack And let's get our handle on this complicated situation In return you give me a like and a subscribe Will you shut the hell up? Or else we're both going to meet that box office demon At that special Fortnite island Elephant in the room Is cinema dead? Absolutely f**king not There's a root to the problem with all these flops So before we draw any conclusions Let me be clear Cinema isn't over Like I said, it's just complicated The funny 2020 bug in $900 a month worth of streaming services Put a lot of doubt in the average Joel's belief of the grand old's cinema But the Mario movie made Bank, Spider-Verse made Bank, Guardians of the Galaxy made Bank, Oppenheimer, Barbie You get me Cinema itself is not the reason I'm sorry Disney that your mid-ass shows ain't killing the old dogs Sit the hell down And maybe pay your writers and actors So yesterday You screwed your executives, told the kids Shut the f**k up We saw this when Top Gun and many other films post-COVID Broke a billion dollars So if the occasion calls for it You could still get asses and seats So instead of blaming home base We gotta judge each subjective horse in this race This recent fire isn't genre-specific either Darts-y letterbox movies like Bo's Afraid flopped hard But the big blockbusters flopped hard as well And some ways even harder So there's an equal fire everywhere That's cooking all the little Minecraft pickies But now you New funny little dude behind that phone TV or PC or not asking What caused this fire, Dr. Skipper? And if you didn't shut the f**k up, you didn't From the start of May to now You've had a lot of films in rotation Going in and out, in and out, in and out of box office Like revolting sushi But look at this You have all these little guys in a small little box Fighting for your ticket Like the game of life Or trying to make a career on YouTube You're gonna have some winners And a lot of losers Some movies will not make a lot of money And others will make sh**loads But so far only one movie has really made a sh**load And that was for a justified reason Am I biased? Of course not I also did not make this video Can we please transition past this? When you came out of your mommy entered this pretty little world The first color you saw was green And that's because your stupid idiot ass cost $2,000 to even exist Is this an American problem? Most likely Land of the free And land of the $1,000 ambulance rides From the jump we were wired to just think of cash You desire it Dream of it Look at you Drooling just thinking about it So to get it You make funny little video essays on trending topics And give half of it to Mingus So he could keep the damn lights on And you know what? We worked hard this month And now the pockets are flooded The bank is breaking We're hitting money spreads And all the ops praying on our downfall And look It's Saturday Which meant You don't have to clock in with the coal mines today Basketball's over Football's not back yet Yes Football I bet you don't even play football anymore You dweeb such a soccer ball This is a football My new magra pearl But I didn't pay for it You should go to the movies and watch Oppenheimer $14 a ticket Ooh It's Nolan though You want to see an IMAX as well? $24 Hey Not every movie is a Nolan movie $20 for a popcorn and 10 for a drink Did they kill cancer? Me and the kids want to see Oppenheimer You did nothing but work all fucking day And send it all down to you Shut the f*** up woman I was down to the bloody boys For $14 today Tell me Mom and dad fight as they combine the scraps of cash That they both have saved up in the struggling economy Which has made the world so difficult to live in as of recent As the price for general goods continued to skyrocket In an unstable economy Where ruin and despair are constantly one dollar away But even in the eye of the storm They still wake up every morning and work the jobs they hate For a company that has no respect for their existence And while all the worries and fears of reality Sink on the shoulders of giants You sit in that bubble of child innocence and delusions Thinking about Spider-Man And all the things that give you joy on a daily basis And when the dust settles and the work is done and the weekend arrives They put aside what they want to see Either it be a Greta Gerwig Wonderland Or a gritty biopic about a man that changed the world and how it operates Because you want to be Spider-Man And that's the main problem Entertainment that was created to give joy during these hard times in life Are slowly becoming more and more inaccessible Since entertainment is becoming harder to obtain Not just in mass quantities, but in general Being an adult now, I buy every new video game And see every movie and get every console since it's my job And I have the privilege of youth and selfishness But when I was a kid The thing that always carried the most weight was on the holidays And the weekends When my parents who didn't have that privilege worked so hard Just so they could see my happy reaction But everything is just so expensive From video games, hardware Dude, even the Lego you played with as a kid is just so expensive now And the cinema is not excluded from this Which causes problems for all the wolves in this picture If it's gonna cost over $100 for a party of four To have a normal decent cinema experience With some Reese's Pieces and a Sprite Then the party is only gonna see one or two movies and theaters during the summer Out of the 20 whatever the hell there is to choose from And a lot of these movies are blockbuster centered toward the families and larger groups So it's a big market full of the same shit So now the audience has to cautiously think And choose what to watch and not watch Which for the wolves in this picture Is a nightmare Let's watch The Little Mermaid I can wait for it to go on digital Let's watch Elemental Or we can wait for it to go on digital Wait, I don't want to pay for a movie when it's on digital So I'll wait for it to come to Disney Plus And right there You cut a ton of options from those two movie selections They're gonna watch the summer And it keeps rolling And when the sardines start to gain a couple of brain cells They just keep hacking away options Transformers used to pool in billions But after they took advantage of the previous trust they established It pissed people off Which means you no longer have the trust of the masses And while some of you might like the new Transformers The only way for it to do amazing in box office Was if it looked like it was gonna cure fucking cancer And just by looking at the premise and visuals It does not look like a spider-verse Where the main goal is to re-spark interest while gaining a new audience It just looks like a safe crowd pleaser With some cool shit If it was the original Cybertron concept from Bumblebee This would be a different story But it isn't It's simple when you get past the meat riding This shit ain't as hard as this shit This type of safe approach might have slid five years ago But when you look at Transformers in the heat of this battlefield Why the hell would I put any of my two chips on this movie When I could watch something else instead So it bombed Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny Okay, I love Indiana Jones It shaped me into who I am And has changed the landscape of the fun action hero The last time Indiana Jones was on the big screen was in 2008 And people hated it And Disney owns it now and since the acquisition Maybe three projects have been good Also Harrison Ford is old as hell But still handsome But they're shoving in a new bitch that nobody cares about Since they don't want to deal with a baggage That is Shilabuff It's just forcing this thing to exist When it really doesn't need to exist The whole intro is also just Harrison Ford deep faked People have outgrown Indy This movie isn't a triumphant in this lineup That would be the last Crusade If you thought Crystal Skull was pushing it Well, this one is definitely fucking pushing it But without the same fun and charm So bombed The Flash Yeah DC's under new management And that boss baby just made something to compete With the shit he now legally has to uplift And because of this legal nightmare The Flash has to set everything to ground zero So DC could restart So money is constantly being thrown at this thing So much money to the point where it can't be scrapped And now you just gotta deal with it Then out of nowhere God throws a funny little curve ball And your main actor is kidnapping kids Hunching people, getting arrested So you gotta shove in Batman And you're planning for Batman to stay around But now he can't And Ezra's back And he can't promote the film This film is a fucking nightmare It's a panic project The film doesn't even know what the hell it is But like I said You put too much money So you just gotta do it Of course I ain't seeing that shit It bombed Of these examples With all having subjective issues There's a connecting tether between all of them Those who watched the Pixar video What do you think it was? Fine, don't beg I'll just tell you They're all mediocre And cost a lot of money Erm, actually some of these films Made the exact same amount of money as the budget Shut up When you have budgets like these You also have to account for marketing Theaters taking a portion of ticket sales And many other expenses So Indiana Jones With a $300 million budget Now needs to make $750 million to be profitable Can it pool $750 million? And go have These pieces of shit-wools Have the belief that if you throw money at a project It will work out in their favor Every single time It could be from cockiness Like having three drastic worlds do amazing Even though they suck complete ass Or making three Star Wars films That are on focus directionless messes Or that you shove superhero product And superhero product down everyone's throats With the coin toss on them being mediocre Are actually carrying cancer Are using old established properties That have legitimate legacy And melting them for nostalgia points But as they keep underpaying the writers And underpaying their actors And fucking over the people who make these movies good The product of these lazy seat fillers Has just gotten worse and worse And now that entertainment actually has to be valued Since people now care if they have a shitty experience Since they possibly could have a better one Your movie quality actually matters Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 Was not advertised like a Marvel film It was advertised as a James Gunn film Being the third movie closing the trilogy And since the first two were fucking amazing And James Gunn has a good track record Given that he flipped a shit film like The Suicide Squad Into something good People are gonna see the sad raccoon So the number show It did great and the general masses had good things to say And it was nowhere near a bomb Now let's apply this to other stuff Do we watch Elemental or Spider-Verse? Which I already talked about in this video Spoiler alert You choose the thing that is once again Revolutionized animation And since people thought the first one already did that You now have the trust of those people So it did great And who would have known a sequel that didn't betray people's trust Would have performed greatly It's almost like if you make good animated projects People have faith in you And they start to trust the shit you put out Who would have thought? Do we watch CGI Harrison Ford Coming from Lucasfilm That has messed up every original property Since the Disney acquisition? Or do we watch Tom Cruise doing his own stunts Coming off his most successful movie of all time That might have just saved the film industry You're gonna watch Tommy Boy And if you were a cool person like me You saw nukes at five And got glammed at ten Since the premise seems pretty nice And the people behind it seem nicer Movies aren't bombing because of superhero fatigue Or theater fatigue or any arbitrary reasons People are not stupid and value their money and time And since that money is really really valuable now People are not gonna be as willing to throw it away At mediocre shit That's trying to compete against way better things Sometimes the cookie crumbles in poor ways And films that deserve much more attention Like A24 films or other indie films Might not catch the hype of the summer And perform badly And that sucks And I'm sorry about that But you shitty overinflated poorly written garbage cans Don't get the same excuse I'm happy to see you burn The theater is the place intended for film You can watch film on your tiny phone Or at home TV And I understand why you might do that Because going to the theaters could be expensive But sometimes that first viewing experience Could be so memorable Due to it being an occasion Imagine if we saw all three spider-men together At midnight through HBO Max or something Or witness the power of a nuke through our iPhone 13's It's not as cool as that theater experience If you could go to the cinema, cherish it Because it's a beautiful thing And this has been a complicated summer And with that, I'm Dr. Skipper This has been the video Thank you for viewing this small film Subscribe and share the video please It's 114 I'm going to the pool