 I think it's really important to leave your your judgment of someone at the door, to leave your judgment of their tone at the door, not to tone police them, where people often express themselves in a certain way because they are upset and because they are and they're trying to communicate to you in the best way possible. Parents have heard sometimes being accused of being aggressive but when I have heard the same conversation I haven't actually heard any aggression. They have just tried to assert themselves but it's maybe not come across in the same way that a professional would assert themselves and I think that the best way to approach everyone, really a child in your school or an adult in your school or a parent that you're interacting with is to listen to the content of what they're saying and not get overly concerned with the way they're saying it and rather than thinking what's wrong with you think well what's happened to you that has caused this and how can I help and is this person distressed rather than thinking this person is being challenging to me and wants to put up a barrier and trying to win this interaction but just taking that step back and nobody's perfect even the most even the kindest people have their moments where they probably don't listen as well as they could but also being able to then acknowledge that and say would you know what I think that I probably didn't handle that well and generally trying to have a more joined up way of working with families so that we understand their children better and it's just it is really to some all of that because really it's just about changing the culture that you work in but changing the way that you are in that culture and trying to influence other people by demonstrating the way that you the way that you can influence that culture. Jennifer Nussan just started calling children's behaviour distressed she didn't tell any of her staff right from today we're going to start to stop saying challenging behaviour we're saying distressed she just started calling it distressed and staff caught on to what she was doing and then she's done talks about it and I don't think in the last two years I've ever heard a teacher say in front of me that oh the child we've had challenging behaviour it's just that it's influenced the culture in lots of places in Scotland to say distressed so for small acts and you're demonstrating your own behaviour your own practice can really have a big ripple effect