 The 40 or T podcast. My other self is an investment banker. She like a real one that worked on Wall Street. Oh my god. Like a top notch one. She traded equities. And she was in love with her job. She is in love with her job. She like so passionate that everyone knew her as the like the very star of the industry. She had awards and everything like she featured on the TV. So like to that point, she had a family and she had certain friends, hobbies and everything. She never listened to music. She never cared about lots of things like that that I love. And the funniest thing of all is that how she hated every like not not hated, but she was like she was very, very scornful to all the creative people. Yeah, it's just sounds to be sort of more. I mean, it's it's a very sort of logical kind of pragmatic based sort of experience being like an investment banker. Whereas what what you do the furthest you can get from a creative person. So and I know that she always had those jokes about creative people because she knew there inside her head lives another one that she doesn't want to let out. And there we are when when when we switched it completely turned around because I don't understand the thing about finance I literally don't I don't I don't care about it. I there is in my life, like, ever since I got these headphones, I'm just like in headphones all the time. Yeah. And I just can't I can't even imagine myself leaving the house without music on. And so from day one, I actually wrote my first song on on the Okay, second day of my taking over control. And ever since I I installed my Ableton the audio workstation where I create music on day three of my taking over. And ever since I never closed again, I wrote around, I don't know, at least 60 or 70 tracks since then in the three years. And I wasn't I didn't even know how to do that. I just started learning and I couldn't stop. And everyone was looking at me like what's going on with her. She is skipping her job, not working, not not caring about all the people she kind of is supposed to care about. Like, all her friends were not my friends, I couldn't I had nothing to talk to them about. I even tried where where I had to meet some of them. Because, you know, trying to go on. And I couldn't find a thing I could talk to them about because everything I cared about, they didn't understand. Or they were talking about things that I couldn't care less about. So I was finding it. Do they believe you? Do they? Do they like, sort of, at least sort of acknowledge that you are different? They could feel that there was something different about me. They couldn't understand what was going on. And I can say that I didn't disclose my diagnosis with everyone. It's understandable. But with the people that I knew could understand, it clicked. It helped them understand and it was like, for some it was an eye opener. Like, oh, that's what was going on. But yeah, I mean, talking to you has definitely been an eye opener for me. I think it's hard, isn't it? Because you are sort of battling with people's ideas of what it is. It's very, very different to a lot of other things. Some people might be able to identify a bit with generalized anxiety disorder. Sometimes they feel a bit panicked and stuff like that. And then the same with depression. Sometimes people feel really apathetic and like that. But things like autism, things like ADHD, things like DID, the things that people don't really understand or know about. And even for me, it was, I think, when we first started talking, I wasn't too like, I didn't know enough about it. And I wasn't like, if I'm honest, I didn't really know how to sort of understand it and react. And I find it very hard to identify things when I don't understand things. I have to be honest, I think that's for the majority of people. But it's definitely something that, talking to you, it's been much easier to sort of understand and wrap my head around it. But I am coming from a place of being different to other people. So I sort of get that sort of experience of, you know, perhaps, you know, life's not as simple and easy to understand as everyone would like it to be or everyone thinks it is. It's actually a lot more sort of complex and there can be a lot of different people with different experiences of life. So I kind of come from that a little bit, which I think helps. But I've just no idea how you sort of navigated all of that, especially sort of being thrown into the deep end with a, you know, very intense job, a family, a social network, like it must, it must feel just completely overwhelming. I wouldn't know where to start, like if that was to happen to me, like it was. Well, it was clear to people in my, like in her work, that something was going on because my performance or her performance, my performance. Did you go to the job? Did you go to L? Yeah, no, of course. It was a high paid job. I could do nothing with my music yet I couldn't understand what's going on. The first year, the first year was very challenging. It was confusing as could be. And I was literally given like, this is your life, live it. And I'm like, this is not my life. Hang on, it's just something is wrong. And I was figuring it out along the way. I was realizing that I didn't want to go home, because I was feeling that I'm a stranger there in my own home. For weeks or even months, I was trying to find all excuses I could not to go back home in the evenings and just to go to sleep. I didn't care about my job. So like per job, I would just take my laptop with literally take my laptop to the trading floor, open it up. And with those headphones on, I would be writing music. Yes, I'm not joking. It was it was crazy. And so, obviously, everyone started understanding that something is wrong. But everyone had their own explanation. And again, to some people, I would never explain anything because they would never understand. But some people, you know, that I just kind of the two clothes minded to solve my mental mental, that's it. Okay, well, not news either. But the, to some people, it explained everything. And it helped them understand basically what's to come just as well. Because I started, well, after I had my diagnosis, I realized that I don't have to live someone else's life anymore. And I started slowly unraveling everything to make sure that I don't burn all the bridges, but that I'm allowed to do what I want to do because she had a chance to live her life. I never had it. And so this is my time. I do believe that that trigger that happened in 2020, it was not, it was there for a reason. It was probably just my chance to do what I am meant to do. And so, yeah, I just started unraveling her life to build my own one. And my diagnosis helped explain to people that this is the reason this is why, because obviously, there were quite a lot of things that like, there were people who got hurt in the process, because they were hoping that they lived with one person. And then it turned to be another one.