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Remember, just one brushing with Colgate Dental Cream removes up to 85% of the bacteria that cause unpleasing breath and tooth decay. Press your teeth with Colgate, Colgate Dental Cream, it cleans your breath. Or a toothpaste while it cleans your teeth. Last Thursday, Principal Osgood Conklin received formal notice that Cosmopolitan Magazine was planning a feature story dealing with life at Madison High. Our Miss Brooks, who teaches English there, can attest to the fact that this news was greeted with tremendous elation by teachers and students alike. Yes, indeed. I haven't seen so many smiling faces since Mr. Conklin fell down the school steps. As I remarked to my landlady at breakfast Friday morning, Cosmopolitan is a magazine of consider- oh yes, considerable stature, Mrs. Davis. It's a great honor to have a story about our school appear in it, don't you think? I should say so. Nothing like that ever happened to the high school I attended, Connie. The only story ever written about us appeared in the Police Gazette. The Police Gazette? Yes, our principal killed an English teacher. Well, let's hope the story in Cosmopolitan isn't a sequel. It was a rather unusual case. He struck her with a blunt object. A blunt object? It was a cash register. It seems she saw him trying to hustle off at the cafeteria of receipts and yell for the police. That's when he let her have it. Wingo! Somehow I get the feeling you made the whole thing up, Mrs. Davis. I'll have my eggs now. I want to finish breakfast before Walter Denham gets here. Oh, well, here you are, dear. Walter told me a Cosmopolitan photographer dropped in at school yesterday. That's right. A fellow named Haney. He was laying out some shots he plans to take this morning. I bet you're hoping he'll snap your picture, Connie. Oh, don't be absurd. I'm no publicity hound, Mrs. Davis. Why should I want my picture to appear in a magazine? Doesn't mean anything to me. Well, it's just a coincidence that I happened to be wearing my best dress this morning. Coincidence? Honestly, if you think I'm trying to look attractive so that photographer will snap my picture, you're sadly mistaken. When I woke up, I was thinking it was Sunday, so I put on my Sunday dress. That's all there is to it. Of course. And I guess it was mere coincidence that you were up till four in the morning, pitching your hair. Guilty, Your Honor. Come in. Oh, if it's all the same to you, Mrs. Davis, I'd prefer that we don't mention this magazine story at all. Very well, dear. If that's the way you want it, I'll shut up like a clam. Ah, the top of the morning, ladies. Hello, Walter. Sit down. I bet you're hoping Mr. Haney will snap your picture for the Cosmopolitan this morning, Walter. Nice clamming, Mrs. Davis. Oh, why should I want my picture in a big, important magazine? Well... It's only a coincidence that I happened to be wearing my Sunday suit. Oh, is that your Sunday suit? Yes, and he was up until four in the morning, fixing his hair. Oh, well, I guess I did spend a minute or two combing my wave at a Devil May Care angle. Yeah, but the one who'll really be primping this morning is Miss Enright. Miss Enright? Yeah. Miss Brooke's fellow English teacher and her hottest rival in the rat race for Mr. Boynton. Walter? Well, she's fond of him, too. And she probably feels that he'd sit up and take notice of her picture was to appear in Cosmo. Gosh, you should have seen her fawning over Mr. Haney in the cafeteria yesterday. Yeah, I was rather surprised, though, at the compliment she paid you, Miss Brooke's. Compliment? Yes, ma'am. She was pointing out how lucky you are that you don't have to diet like she does. She said she thought it was wonderful how you managed to stay so scrawny and yet eat like a horse. Oh, she did, didn't she? Yeah. And Mr. Haney said he thought you were very attractive. And he asked her how old you are. Well, what did Miss Enright say to that? Well, she told him she doesn't know your age because she's never been able to count your teeth. Walter, when we get to school, you'd better count Miss Enright's teeth twice. Twice? Before and after. I clip her. Hello there, Miss Brooks. Oh, good morning, Mr. Haney. I was just about to see if Mr. Boynton is in his laboratory. He is. I ducked in there a minute ago to avoid Miss Enright. She's been hounding me like a house detective hoping I'll snap her picture. So far, I've evaded that little chore. But I picked up a nice shot of Mr. Boynton. Huh? Now I'd like one of you, Miss Brooks. Hold still, please. That's it? You snapped my picture, Mr. Haney? I did. It'll appear in the next issue of Cosmopolitan. Well, I've got to get along now. Thanks, Miss Brooks. See you later. Oh, thank you, Mr. Haney. Bye now. Good morning, Mr. Boynton. Oh, hi, Miss Brooks. Say, you're really dolled up. Boy, you look like the cat's pajamas. Let's watch that racy dialogue in school, Mr. Boynton. Oh, no kidding. That dress is a knockout. Oh, it's just a little thing. I wear around the house during the coronation. Mr. Haney just snapped my picture, and he told me he'd shot one of you, Mr. Boynton. Well, yes, I was quite surprised. I certainly wasn't prepared to be photographed this morning. You weren't? It's only a coincidence that I happen to be wearing my Sunday suit. Oh, I know. You haven't had that thing out of the mothball since the Easter parade. Well, that's perfectly true, Miss Brooks, but last night the thought occurred to me that it would blend nicely with my new hat. When did you buy a new hat? This morning on the way to school. I see. I see. And how late were you up fixing your hair? Until four o'clock. Sharks, I might as well admit it. The prospect of having my likeness appear in a magazine is the most exciting thing that ever happened to me. Isn't it the most exciting thing that ever happened to you? You should know. I may drop over to Mr. Conklin's office and tell him to look for our pictures in Cosmopolitan. It might command some respect from the old boy. Well, I see you at lunch, Mr. Boyden. You bet. I think I'll get there a little early. What shall I order for you? For me? Oh, it's my treat, Miss Brooks. You can have anything your heart desires, anything. Well, in that case, I'll get there a little early, too. Mr. Boyden, how about seeing Jane Wyman's new picture at the state tonight? What's the name of it? Well, it's a very nostalgic title. Remember the time last Christmas when you kissed me under the mistletoe? Yes. The picture's called Let's Do It Again. It makes me ill to see that photographer snapping pictures of our teachers and students while we're trying to conduct school, Harriet. After giving the matter due consideration I have decided to kill the Cosmopolitan story. What? Oh, but that's unfair, Daddy. You're just jealous because Mr. Haney refused to take a picture of you. That is not true. I've always spurned the spangled lure of publicity. Getting my picture snapped is the farthest thing from my mind. Then why did you come to school dressed... The fact that I'm wearing my Sunday suit is a coincidence. Coincidence. Mother told me you were up until four this morning combing your hair over the bald spot. What bald spot? Why, I'm thicker on top than any man my age. Earth, earth, deal. The fact remains that this institution has a rather toothy rule to the effect that no teacher may be either interviewed or photographed by a representative of a public periodical without the express permission of Principal Osgood Conklin. I am Principal Conklin. How do you do? Harriet, a child. You are bucking for cafeteria K.P. Oh please, Daddy, you only dust off that ancient rule for your own convenience. Look, you've been photographed by the press many times. How come you've never applied the rule to yourself? Your impertinent question shall be stricken from the record. Suffice it to say that as yet no member of my faculty has sought my permission. If I should learn therefore that any teacher has already been photographed by the snap happy gent from Cosmopolitan, that teacher is in for a mess of trouble. Come in. Oh, hi, Miss Brooks. Good morning, Harriet. Mr. Conklin, I have some happy news for you. I'll bet. Pack this notice on the bulletin board for me, Harriet, and I'll run along for you. Yes, sir. See you later, Miss Brooks. Bye, dear. That notice is for the benefit of my teachers, Miss Brooks, a rather timely reminder of Rule 608. You've run afoul of it once or twice in the past, I believe. Rule 608? Oh, is that the rule you applied a couple of years ago, sir, when the evening post took pictures of some teachers and neglected to take one of you? That's the little beauty. I plan to take drastic action against any teachers who have permitted themselves to be photographed without my permission. Now, what's the happy news you have for me? I forget. Somehow I'm glad. Anything else you'd care to discuss with me? Yes, sir. Mr. Boynton and I would like your permission to be photographed for Cosmopolitan magazine. Permission denied. Oh, but, Mr. Convin, won't you reconsider? I have spoken. Oh, please, sir, this is very... Could it be, Miss Brooks, that you and Boynton have already been photographed? Without your permission? How can you even think of such a thing? It's easy. I hope you realize that fallacious denials will prove futile when the issue comes out, the pictures of those teachers who flaunted my authority will be all the evidence I need. Anything else? Yes, sir. Exactly what measures do you plan to take against those teachers? The faculty roles of the Good Ship Madison High have not yet been logged for the fall semester, Miss Brooks. Those mutineers whose pictures appear in Cosmopolitan will have to walk the plank. Anything else? Just one thing. Where's the plank? Listen, for a few days only, you can get a large tube of palm olive shaving cream free of extra cost. Right, a large tube of either palm olive brushless or palm olive lather, free of extra cost when you buy a giant tube at regular price. Save up to 35 cents and treat yourself to a smoother, more comfortable, all-day shave the palm olive shaving cream way. 1,200 men tested the palm olive shaving cream way, and no matter how they shaved before, three out of four reported smoother, more comfortable, longer-lasting shave. Why, even in cold or hard water, you get a close clean shave every time. And it's an all-day shave, too. A shave that most men find really lasts from morning till night. Treat yourself to the tested and proved palm olive shaving cream way. Remember, palm olive shaving cream is America's favorite brand. So cash in on this offer and save while you shave with palm olive brushless or lather. Remember, sale positively ends when dealer supplies of this combination package are gone. So act now. Buy a giant tube of palm olive brushless or palm olive lather shave cream and get a large tube free of extra cost. Well, when Mr. Boynton read Mr. Conklin's bulletin board notice about unauthorized press photographs, his reaction clearly told me that I'd have to buy my own lunch. Since food is such a good buffer against panic, I loaded my tray and headed for Mr. Boynton's table. Before I got there, however, I was intercepted by Miss Enright. Well, hello, Miss Brooks. You do have enough there for a horse, don't you? Get off the track, dear. I'm heading for the starting gate. Yes, naturally, but you'd better go easy on those potatoes, darling. A girdle can only do so much, you know. Of course, I never wear a girdle myself. I know. I hear you donated yours to the Air Force for catapulting jet job. Oh, you are comical, darling. Have you seen the Cosmopolitan photographer around anywhere? Mr. Haney? He was at the steam table a minute ago, but I'd suggest you read the bulletin board before you strike a series of poses. Oh, I've absolutely no desire to be photographed for his magazine, Miss Brooks. It's just a coincidence that I happened to be wearing a stunning new dress. Of course. I'm sure it was also a coincidence that you were up until four in the morning grooming your transformation. Oh, you're such a doll. I often wonder what you're stuffed with. Remind me to send you an autographed x-ray. Now, if you'll excuse this old gray mare, I'll go put on the feedback. Won't you just? I'll see you later, darling. It's inevitable, I guess. Oh, I'm sorry. I kept you waiting, Mr. Barnhill. All right, so came, Miss Brooks. Gosh, that bulletin board notice has me worried sick. I'd like to see my picture in Cosmopolitan, but I certainly don't want to risk my job for it. Well, I don't relish the idea of unemployment either, Mr. Barnhill. I asked Mr. Haney for our negatives, but he flatly refused to turn them over. He said his first obligation is to his magazine. Unless we can think of something else, I'm afraid we'll... Didn't you order lunch? No, I was so upset I just grabbed some coffee. Oh, then you can have some of mine. I have plenty. I should say you have. Gosh, you've got enough there for a horse. Well, if you'll share it with me, I'll be able to get my saddle on these ears. Here you are, a lamb chop, some potatoes, peas... Mr. Justice, I've got a scheme that might save us our jobs, Miss Brooks. I found out that Mr. Haney's keeping his photographic equipment in the faculty room. The negatives are in his gadget bag. So? Somehow, without his knowledge, we've got to slip our negatives out of that bag and destroy them. But that's a pretty dangerous assignment, Mr. Boyne. I'm afraid you'll have to count me out. But the end justifies the means. It's our only chance. The fault term rolls around. Do you want to be out of a job? Do you want to be pounding the streets, looking for work, discourage, tired, hungry? Give me a pencil and we'll sketch the layout, Louis. Hi, Daddy. Did you call Mr. Stone at the board of education? I did. He not only informed me that Mr. Haney's assignment had been officially cleared through the board, but that he was delighted to learn that Cosmopolitan plans to run a pictorial story on Madison High. Oh, well, don't you let it get you down, Daddy. How can I help it? Can't you visualize my embarrassment if that magazine should run pictures of Madison's teachers and not one lousy, not one shot of its principle? Well, I figured a way out. I ran home and took some negatives from my own camera. Several attractive shots of myself posed the way you like to see me. What are you going to do with them? I learned that the negatives Mr. Haney plans to ship after Cosmopolitan are now reposing in his gadget bag in the faculty room, Harriet. Somehow, without his knowledge, I've got to slip my negatives into that bag. Oh, that sounds pretty risky, Daddy. The end justifies the means and I'll run along, child. All right, Daddy, but you better be careful. Oh, excuse me, Miss Enright. I was just leaving. Bye, Daddy. Goodbye. What's on your mind, Miss Enright? Well, a minute ago I paused outside your door at the water fountain, Mr. Conklin. I couldn't help overhearing the scheme you outlined to Harriet and I should like to suggest a partnership. Partnership? Yes, I'd like to run home and get some of my negatives so that they may be slipped into the gadget bag along with yours. What? Are you trying to blackmail a principal of a public high school? How dare you? One moment, sir. Let me remind you that my family is quite well to do and that I don't give a hoot whether I... whether or not I teach here next semester. Secondly, if I should have a little chat with Mr. Haney and the head of the Board of Education informing them of whether I happen to... And how soon can you get back with your negatives, partner? There's the gadget bag, Miss Brooks. Well, now's our chance. Now's your chance. To what, Miss Brooks? To faint. Catch anyone? Well, we merely wanted to look at the negatives of those pictures you snapped of us this morning, Mr. Haney. We just can't wait until they appear in the magazine. No, indeed, hot diggity. And zippity-doodle. Well, I'll be glad to show them to you later on, Mr. Boyton. Right now, I want to go and pick up some shots of the gym. I'll have to leave in a minute. In a minute? Oh, well, we'll come back later on. Yes, indeed. Come on, Mr. Boyton. Bye, Mr. Haney. Yeah, bye, Mr. Haney. So long. Well, you sure made a nice dark room out of the wardrobe closet in here, Mr. Haney. Are those negatives in there the ones you took this morning? That's right, Walter. They're complete except for one shot of Mr. Boyton, which I left over there in the gadget bag. Oh. The light wasn't so good in the lab, so I decided not to use it. Oh, photography sure is fascinating work. What's in this package, Mr. Haney? Oh, that's another assignment I'm working on. There are pictures of some gangsters for a story called Wanted by the FBI. Say, I wonder if you would get me some seething wax and take them over to the post office. Oh, I'd be glad to. I'll be right back, Mr. Haney. Good. I'll wait for you. I can develop some of those negatives in the dark room meanwhile. Yeah, well, I'll just be a few minutes. Careful, Mr. Boyton. Are you sure Mr. Haney left? Well, I couldn't see him from where we were hiding, but I heard the door slam. Now let's frisk this gadget bag. Oh, that's funny. There's only one negative in here. Let's see. Say, that's the negative of the one he snapped of me. How can you tell? You see, I'm holding my frog. Well, I'll just stick this in my purse and we'll look for the other negatives. It might be in this package. I'll take a look. Oh, gosh, this is a frightening picture. I've never seen such a pasty-faced, evil-looking individual. Must be Miss Enright. No, no, it's a man and there's a note on it. Wanted by the FBI. Why better put it back in the package? Someone's coming. We're stuck behind his couch. Quick. All clear, sir. Good. Let's get out that gadget bag. Yes. Here it is. Mr. Conklin, it's empty. Oh, evidently Mr. Haney transferred the Madison High negatives into this package here. Well, we'll just slip our negatives in along with the others. First mine, now yours, Miss Enright. Now there we are. Oh, excuse me, folks. Oh, what do you want, Benton? Oh, Mr. Haney asked me to get some sealing wax for this package. I've got to rush it over to the post office. It's going to Cosmopolitan Magazine. Yes, yes, we know, we know. There's not a minute to lose, boy. Take it over to the post office immediately and with my blessings. Ah, yes, sir. Hey, bye now. Well, we did it, Miss Enright. Soon we'll be celebrities. Those pictures are printed in Cosmopolitan. We'll be the talk of the nation. Well, come on, sir. We'd better get out of here before... What's wrong, partner? We're not alone, Mr. Conklin. Look at those shoes sticking up from behind the couch. Who's that behind the couch? There's nobody here but us horses. Miss Brooks, point them. Good afternoon, sir. We'll dispense with the amenities. Did you two sneaks, see Miss Enright and me sneaking our negatives into that package? We did. And I have news for you, sir. That package had nothing to do with Madison High. The pictures in it were marked wanted by the FBI. What? Yeah! We're snared in our own trap. Why didn't you stop us, Miss Brooks? You saw what we were doing. I saw what everyone was doing, Miss Enright. Mr. Haney? Yes. I've been in the dark room patiently observing your every action. You have? Then you've got to do something. Call your office. Stop the presses. If our pictures should appear along with those criminals, we'll be social outcasts. We'll be ostracized, laughed out of town. Shunned by mankind. Well, I don't know why I should do anything about it. Unfortunately, you and Miss Enright have both been a pain in the neck. You especially, Mr. Conklin, have gone out of your way to make things tough for me. But wasn't for Miss Brooks, I'd have chucked the whole assignment. Well, now isn't that sweet, Mr. Haney? Miss Brooks, you know what I've always thought of you. Yes, I do. Well, forget it. You're tough. Aces, a man's best friend. Won't you put in a word for us? What word would you like? Oh, please, Miss Brooks, you've got to help us. You really want me to see biscuits? I beg of you. All righty. Mr. Haney, I should like first to intercede on Miss Enright's behalf. She's a peculiar type. Type of what we won't go into. But there are times when she is not responsible for her actions. Yes, that's very true. Well, thank you, Mr. Boynton. And as for Mr. Conklin, well, everybody, everybody does stupid things once in a while. He's just more consistent. Here, here. Small wonder my wife calls me knucklehead. Now, tell him, Miss Brooks. Mr. Haney, as a favor to me, please don't print Mr. Conklin's picture alongside those other hoodlums. That is, won't you give him a break? Mercy. I have an only child. Well, all right. I'll see that the pictures of you and Miss Enright never reach the press. Oh, thank you, Mr. Haney. And thank you, Miss Brooks, for springing to my defense. Dear sweet lovable, Miss Brooks. Lovable or not, I'm afraid I can't be as lenient with you, Miss Brooks. With me, Mr. Haney? While I was watching from the dark room, I happened to snap a picture of you stealing the negative of Mr. Boynton's picture. What? To think that I've been harboring a light-fingered lill on my back. Now, please, Mr. Haney, it wasn't really stealing. It should look very cute in Cosmopolitan with a caption reading. English teacher caught Filching Film from photographer. And, Mr. Haney, would that be all in caps? Here's the picture, Miss Brooks. Oh, let me see it. Oh, my goodness, I hate to admit it, but that's the best photograph I've ever seen of you. Yes, it is rather good. It's very natural, and the way you're standing shows off your figure beautifully. Well, Miss Brooks, what do you say? What can I say? I'll take a dozen. Eve Arden returns in just a moment. 100% mild palm olive soap helps guard that schoolgirl complexion look. Catherine Bowling, University of Pennsylvania, reports. With softer, smoother, brighter skin, that schoolgirl complexion look, I use palm olive soap. 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It is easy, painless, and takes very little time. Join the thousands of other Americans who are rolling up their sleeves. Call your local Red Cross chapter and make an appointment, and do it today. Good night, everyone. On your newsstand now. The Colgate Palm Olive Pete Company invites you to listen to their exciting new quiz, the phrase that pays on radio every weekday morning, Monday through Friday, and the Wella Parsons on Tuesday night. Consult your local newspaper for details. This is Bob LeMond reminding you to be with us again next Sunday at the same time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks. Stay tuned now for the Jack Benny Show, which follows immediately over most of these same stations. This is the CBS Radio Network.