 Hello, and welcome to Velma. Why is this happening? Hello everyone. This is a mystery. The mystery, actually it's not a mystery while we're watching Velma. It's watched a lot and it's really really bad. I've been recommended by so many people. The recommendations come in the form of please watch this as like a desperate command as opposed to recommendations. Kind of weird. You must do it. Do it. I've had that for like pretty much everything. And unfortunately, considering the shows I'm a part of, I end up watching a lot of things. Like I said, can't believe as skipped out on Willow, I'm actually kind of like, aw. I've been watching after hours. I'm very happy with my decision. You watched Blood Origin at least, right? Yeah, that killed me, man. I could even watch any more National Treasure after Blood Origin. Oh yeah, actual treasure. That came, we didn't even, how was that? What was, what was that like? Absolute garbage. There you go. Oh no. I was going to ask you like, where does it rank? But I imagine it's difficult to put things in an order right now. Oh, Blood Origin's firmly at the bottom. Is Blood Origin below She-Hulk? Yes. Oh wait, Rags, you didn't see it, Metal did. I did not see the Witcher Blood Origins or whatever it's called. Oh man, you know what? You should watch that because you actually like have an investment in Witcher at least to some degree. At least compare it. Yeah, I really, yeah, I like two and I really like three, so. I've heard Witcher fans loved Blood Origin. It's the people who aren't Witcher fans that don't like it, right? Yeah. Something like that. Of course, something like that, yeah. Waste of time, Blood Origin. It's your shit, yeah, I completely agree. It's funny in some parts in how shit it is though, you know? There's that, right? Remember the... Um, I mean, it's an exercise in incompetence for sure. That's putting it kindly. Mildy. Well anyway, so the gods dropped a billion TV shows that are all really shitty and then they were like, here's another one. It's like, wait. Lots of bad TV. How many Velma episodes is it going to even be? Is this 10 or is it more? 10, I think. Yeah, I think. Why are they so bold? Why can't they stick to the British rules? Sticks, right? Six. If you're lucky. Maybe just one. I'll put you do that. Six and out in the season every three years. Yeah. I have to watch it for some level of homework in many different ways and I was like, I will drag my emotional support animal along and then I was like, oh, look, a friendly frog is just bouncing around in the background there. I'll see if he wants in. And then as was like, hi, you just in my house sitting there like, hey, how'd you get here? Did you want to hang out? No, I did not slander. Let's turn it to a Velma party. You never know. Last message just out of the blue saying, are you guys watching Velma by any chance? Can I join? Last time it turned into a pig pad for party. So I will say the results may vary when you get into a call with us, I guess. I watched a shit ton of Scooby-Doo when I was a young and it was neat. I had a whole box set as well. Oh, it's solving the mystery. I watched the James Gun movies, too. And I was like, yay, Buffy. And she's fighting crime or ghosts, whichever. I just remember fighting the Black Knight. I think she kicked some of the nuts. That was the thing that happened in the second one. Well, the first one, I can't remember anymore. I also remember Mr Bean was in the first one. Important. That's right. You know, they've had different adaptations, but this one is trying out a couple of new radical ideas. For example, let's get rid of Scooby-Doo. He seems to be the weaker element of the entire franchise. That's what I've noticed. Definitely the Wink Link. Definitely cutting out the... Wow. The only dog in the group and they get rid of him. Yeah, it's a bit of a... Wow. Well, the Scrappy. You like Scrappy. Scrappy is a... I used to love the Scooby-Doo cartoon. And I used to, as a kid, the best Scrappy-Doo. Everyone to tell me he's the Scrappy-Doo. I always hated Scrappy. From as young as I saw him, I always hated him. I always hated Scrappy-Doo. He was a mistake. I hate his personality. I hate his fucking voice and his face. And I want him to go away. You don't have a place here on this team. What's his relationship to Scooby? Isn't it nephew or something? Nephew, I think, yeah. Because it's not son or brother, is it? They made him the villain in the first live action movies. That was probably a good move, huh? Yeah, that's what people think about Scrappy. I will say, I watched a bit of the originals when they came on here and there. I hated a pup named Scooby-Doo when I was a kid. I hate that they made Fred this bumbling fucking moron. Even as a kid, I hated that. We're going to love this. There's no Scrappy-Doo, right? They didn't bring him, so. That would be insane if they kept Scrappy-Doo and they kept rid of Scooby-Doo. They kept Scrappy, kept rid of Scooby. But yeah, Fred will be a bit different. Daphne will be a bit different. Shaggy will be a bit different. Velma is going to be real different. It's a- Shaggy? I don't know what else is open, Shaggy. Think of it as an Elschwilds. What if, you know? What if Scooby-Doo was really shit? Then we can see what stories might happen. But to be fair, it wouldn't even be Scooby-Doo because there's no fucking Scooby-Doo in it. There's no Scooby-Doo. Did she make Scooby-Doo without Scooby-Doo? To be fair, it's called Velma, so you know what? Maybe I'm misrepresenting it. I don't think there's anything else to say but allow it to speak for itself. Whoa. Wow. Max original. Wait. Yeah. Like HBO Max or some other Max? Yes, HBO Max. Why? My name is Velma Dinkley. And this is my origin story. Nobody asked. Normally, origin stories are about tall, handsome guys struggling with the burden of being handed even more power. Oh, God. Oh, yeah, Spider-Man. Fuck you. What? It's just a privilege to be handed more fucking crazy power. Maybe even more power. Brenda. This is a really nasty place. Yeah, it is. Oh. What the fuck? I think this is called humor. Do you have two roaches? Oh, now they're... Oh, I kind of feel bad. Team shower discussion topic of the day. By the way, these girls are meant to be 15 years old. What the fuck? Why are we... That's why we do? The only hook a good show ever needs is good storytelling. Then why was your favorite part of Riverdale? Why would you reference Riverdale? Betty and Veronica kiss. Well, because it was instantly called out, it's tired in the sea. Fucking hell. This is really stretching nudity. What are we doing? Just admit, we are all secretly pervert. God, this is weird. This is like a minute in. This is Scooby-Doo. Welcome to Scooby-Doo, everyone. Oh my god, are you hurting her? Wait, what the hell? Race blind casting. Why? What is happening? What? Is this person just... What the... Did you assault another student? Why were you talking to the person who assaulted you? Didn't she just hit her? Does nobody care? No. Holy shit. Fucking hell. What the fuck is this? All right, pretty strong start. Six out of ten. Welcome to Scooby-Doo, boys. Oh my god. Are there just prostitutes hanging around outside? Why is everything dirty? And I've been in every element. Why is she chained to the table? Is she a suspect? I guess so, yeah. Since my mom went missing two years ago, we're done here. Peace. Wow. We're not done here, Velma. I don't know if you can do that. Oh, I know that voice. Wanda Sykes, isn't it? I'm a suspect. I thought lesbians were good at solving crimes. It's like the one positive stereotype perpetuated by cop shows. Who are you talking to? I have to take your... To you, Fringy. They're talking to you. It's matter. Don't you get it? And I wasn't... It's matter humor. I was waiting to shower alone. Because of your hairy gorilla arm. No, because I hate your stupid adopted daughter and her fake ass friends. I don't feel like the voice matched the... We're already in the zone of just your own personal issues with life spilling into the script hard. Daphne got hot and ditched me to hang out with Brenda and the other popular girls at Spooner's Munch. Maybe you should have gotten hot. Defelma, have you ever considered that? Defelma? Defelma. Oh, you... The only way we're gonna convince the sheriff you're innocent is if you help us find Brenda's actual... No, we have to convince him that she's guilty. She just found the body in front of a bunch of other people. For what? With what evidence? The proof is in her locker. Why would I keep the body in my own locker and then open up my locker in front of everyone else? I have a disease where I can't recognize people and weren't hot. Is it called rudeness? It is. You're like smart. What does this seem? This is called rhythm. Somebody wrote this. You're in front of the police department. This is what you want to do it, huh? Don't solve mysteries anymore. Her mother, her missing mother, haunts her because her missing mother went missing when she was trying to solve a mystery. So now when she tries to solve a mystery, her missing mother haunts her. Okay. I saw you eat a fry out of the vacuum cleaner last week, so spare me. I've had a long day. You had a fry out of a vacuum cleaner? That sounds like Defelma. I don't even know what to say about this thing. Enjoy, boys. We're voted most revenge in the school yearbook. I know. Oh, those yearbook guys have no idea what's coming to them. Mildly amusing, though. If your mother disappeared, you haven't even tried to hang out with the normal kids. Why'd you say that, Rog? Yeah, why the fuck did you think that's funny? I think it's mildly amusing. That's all I said. It's mildly amusing. What is still missing? Belma. That's not there. I'm also hashtag the owner of Spooners. Hashtag get my new camera out of my bag. I'm on out of my bag. Okay. Oh, my God. That's not kicking. That's like reaching to be free. They want to get out of the show. Oh, God. I know, but it's about priority. What? The actual fuck? How come there's so much nudity in this show? What is going on? What is the pacing of this shit? Why is there a baby sticking out of her? Do they just want to draw naked people? What is happening? I don't know. I don't know. Does the dad have a problem with her being naked in front of the daughter? I just- In pop culture, when a slutty girl is murdered, we're all a little like, well, maybe she deserved it. Why would you say this at the front? What? Stop it. Stop. Bump this noise. Bump this noise. Anything can happen at any moment, and it'll be crazy. We're wearing that on- Oh, my God. Now this is happening, I guess. I'm wearing my cockroaches. Eater, eater, eater. Consume her flesh. Like the bugs from the mummy. Oh, they're afraid of her. Not even the cockroaches want to get near her. It's the bad writing they're afraid of. I am real. A real man. Who are you? I can't stop crying. I am like a total pus. I found my Christmas presents. I felt terrible. I'd ruined Christmas, but still my mom- That ruined Christmas? I ran out to buy something. I could unwrap Christmas morning. Don't forget to buy yourself something for me. We found my mom's car. Abandoned. Oh, a shitty dad. Except for the glass. Why'd you have to go and solve your own mystery? What? Why did he care about any of that? After hearing that, I not only feel emotionally hooked. I understand the stakes of your journey. Oh, my God. Definitely. That's definitely. I just thought it would make meta-tracks. Fred, watch out. You're right. If anyone ever saw me talking to you, I'd die of shame. Like, he'll do everything they can to make fun of him at every moment. You didn't answer my VMs, voicemails, but I had to find you because I still don't know if you listened to my VMs. Voicemails, though, I left you some other VMs. I know what VMs are. Oh, my God. Who? I left you six more VMs. Oh, my God. That's so funny. Or a spicy meat ball Italian. So you're like, oh, the kids come here. We make fun of the Italians. I was going to say careful. He has something to do with drugs, which I hate. Does everyone expect Shaggy to be like a stoner, but? He doesn't like Shaggy's. Norville. Norville's different. Well, no, that's what I'm saying. People expect Shaggy to be it, and he's supposed to be that character. Right, so that's why it's aversive. Man, you like got to just take something that wasn't yours. You got rid of the dog. You got rid of the talking dog. The whole world is like an asshole to Velberg. She's just so like she puts up with it, you know? These happen all the time. How do you live? You need to see somebody. Need a doctor. Wow. Why does no one normal? Yeah, none of this is. It's like aliens. These are humans. She left us. So at this point, all I've got to grasp is that this is a girl whose mom abandoned her and she took it so badly. She had a mental breakdown. And what we're seeing is all in your head. What is happening? She's seeing the real events of what happened. She hated us. Yes. Yeah, I can't imagine why. Take her to therapy, please. No, she'll eat food from there. Jesus fucking Christ. That's fucking gross. That's supposed to be funny. Anything can happen. Now this is happening. Are you an exchange student from a more sexually liberated country? Um, no. I'm just unburdened. This is an American high school in modern year. This outfit is clear. How old are you? You're like a 50 year old woman. Holy fuck. How come the nerdy kid just got his leg chopped off? What are we meant to say about this? This is just awful. You know, a lot of shows will focus around like an individual in high school is not doing so well. Less favored. And something of a realization they'll often have is the trouble they're going through is like the trouble everyone's going through and that they're not actually so unique in terms of having trouble fitting in or being comfortable and happy. This show basically just confirms that she is indeed very special, unique, and it sucks that everyone else is able to get along so well except for her. Good timing. I was able to say all of that because no things were happening that were funny. No, another one is a funny segment. We've been dating for a year and he still won't even take his pants off. A year? This is the Scooby-Doo IP, everybody. I can't understand why you're not laughing in the aisles. I really can't. If I were a rich white dude, I'd kill everybody just to get away with it. If I were a rich white dude, I'd kill everybody just to get away with it. Just to get away with it. All right. You're not going to lift her up like that. No, he will. I am waiting for a single joke. Just a single funny moment. Right now, I'll take just one. That's something girls say. Get off my jock. Yeah, old time. Oh my god. What's there to like? I haven't finished going through puberty yet. They'll laugh and never respect me as the man and unquestioned leader that I am meant to be. Oh. So, you keep the secret hidden away to avoid embarrassment. And you keep the secret about being a late bloomer. You can just tell by looking at people. He's a late bloomer. He's as tall as all the other guys. Wait, is he a psycho? What? What? Did he get shot? They assumed you were a package thief. It worked out, didn't it? So, you shot a man in his own house? We don't even know what's happened. He dropped a notepad. You shot both of Fred's legs? How are you even talking? It paid you to keep quiet. I'm innocent. I'm too much of a post to kill someone. I'm too much of a post. Yeah, of course. I just think that she's incredibly horny and she's got nowhere to put it. That's the vibe I'm getting. Sorry, but this is so weird. Why would anyone think the one show that needs to be injected with hyper, like cosmic horny, is Scooby-Doo? It's really weird. Ah, fingers crossed. I know, just eat them. Eat them. Go on. Why not? Another victim. Oh, wait. So, can we not watch this? We like not watch any more of this or like ever, please. I don't know what I meant to say about it. It's just worthless. This is kind of worthless. It's worthless. I got nothing. It's just worthless. This is like barely strung together as a story. It's just shit. This is very much like, and then. I think that's generous. Things just happen. And then this happens. And then this happens. And then this happens. There's just no stringing. Things just sort of occur. But like, we usually save that almost for scenes. This is like every last moment, everything. It's all just connected by nothing at all. The faint gravitational pull of a dozen, dozen non sequiturs strung together in some sort of a amorphous attempt at a narrative. I like the term dog shit. Again, I feel like that's complementing it a little bit. This one. Dog shit implies the existence of a dog, which I like. This is one of the worst. Well, there's no dog. Give me his dog. There is no dog. You're right. That is, that's something else. That is a uniquely ghastly show. It was the easiest show. Not to laugh at. Yeah. It's so desperate for you to laugh, though. And it's so like, look how hip and cool I am. I know all the references. I know how everything works. I said exactly the same thing that you said in my video. It just sounds like Mindy Kaling just hasn't had sex for 15 years or something. She's just so desperate in it. Just desperate. The show is thirsty as hell. And it's so fucking weird. But it's like setting up high school was very weird. Very, very bizarre and strange. Retuitously. What the fuck? Like, no wonder she's getting backlash for this show. I can totally understand why it sucks. It's like a really vile show. Yeah. Yes. There's just really vile. Mean and equal. Yeah. I think mean is a good way to describe it. It's like a really, really mean show. It's way too meta. Which is scooby-doo. Which is like, scooby-doo is like super-duper wholesome. It's just them solving mysteries. And like they all have their own strengths that they bring to the table. That's like what scooby-doo was about. And it has like some really clever jokes. Why would you take that and then make this? And turn it into a violent, fucking make your own weird fantasy shit. Yeah. I think that's the thing that makes me really angry is like, you've taken something that you didn't create and turned it into this vacuous cynical like piece of shit. It's easier to position a show to a network with an existing franchise than a new IP. Why would they agree to this? That's a great question. What were they given? Who did they think it was for? Young people, the new generation, the young people who are... If this is the state of like... Don't show for the young people. This is for teenagers. I fucking pity the current day teenagers. Yeah. It's like, you don't... Yeah. This was made for Mindy. Like, good God, when we were all teenagers, TV and movies, we were much better served than this. But I think Rags is right. This was made for Mindy and her friends to go, ha ha ha ha. Aren't we funny? Yeah, but like, that's... Is this like a tax scam or...? They're all like these caricatures. They're like, I caricature... They're nothing. They're like, actually not people. They just say and do anything. Well, like, they... Norville is just... Like, you're on a whim. Sims for Velma. And then Fred is just idiot. Like... Fred is an idiot, yeah. Fred belongs... Fred's too stupid to be in glass. Onion. He's gotten to that point. Yeah, he actually is. No, he actually is. Whoa. Well, Fred is... He's... His white privilege is so much that his body hasn't... hasn't felt the need to go through puberty. He's been so pampered, his body hasn't even felt the need to fully mature. I don't even... Some of the stuff they... The lines, I don't even know how to react to them, which is rare. That doesn't usually happen to me. I've got nothing, really. Yeah, like, I don't even... I don't know what I would identify in that show where it's like, oh yeah, that's worthwhile. Like, not a single thing. Yeah, there's nothing to save. Except, I guess, there is work being done by animators, so I feel bad for that. Yeah, I feel bad for the artists and animators. Yeah, I do. It's kind of like, you don't have any control over the script. You just have to make it look... You just have to, like, do this. And you have to work on it in the hopes that maybe in the future, you'll get a chance to, like, create something as an artist. You'll work on a show that's not this. Yeah, but unfortunately, in the meantime, you've got to work on next. And yeah, I think I will do one more, but I don't think I'll be able to... I don't think I can watch any more of this show ever again. I don't know what... This show is just fucking gross. Well, the problem is when the show is trying to be funny and it's not funny, and yeah, it's gross and creepy and weird. It's like, this is just... Willow's just trying to be good and meaningful and be adventurous, and it just fails in every element. I don't know. This show is just uncomfortable. I don't like it. I think it doesn't help at all that it's... This is... Like, I remember Scooby-Doo. I haven't forgotten it yet, so... No, I know. I know. Yeah, it's like you remember something that actually has merit. Hannah and Barbara are rolling over in their graves. I'm sure that would be very unhappy, yeah, to find out about stuff like this, but it's like, yeah, Scooby-Doo is an intellectual property that you can make money off of, so... As far as I know, it's been doing fine up until now. It's had all the spin-offs and different series and had the movies, like Zombie Island and stuff. I guess I just don't understand why the show even exists. I don't get it. I don't understand why it exists. I don't know why you would feel compelled to make this, so... There's nothing in this that says that Mindy Kaling has any sort of passion for Scooby-Doo or wants to give it her own particular... Quite the opposite. ...spin or twist. I know. This is something I can do. This is the kind of shit where I'm like, so you clearly have a bone to pick with a bunch of bullshit. Like... She's got to manage that in high school, with not being popular. The media. The likes of people with white people. Instead of going to therapy, write this. Yes. With her own industry. She's clearly got the mastery of masturbation. It's as poorly written as a fucking diary entry. Like, from here, I imagine. Where it's just like this bullshit today where a bunch of other really hot people didn't like me. As, I don't know if you get the same feel, but like, I... Covering Batwoman could be a developer. Like, Batwoman could be so hilariously shit. Our woman had gold. There was gold in them, their hills. Yes. I'm out of my life. This is just a pile of corium in the bottom of a nuclear reactor basement. Well, I feel like it needs to be well-emphasizing. Like, it's really, really, really weird like how sexualized the show is considering that the main character is teenagers. Like, that's... Yeah, they're always talking about... Like, you're not supposed to... Shower naked. Like, what the hell was that? Yeah, it's not about... What are you doing? It's not about like the awkwardness of puberty. It's about just being sexual. When you're a teenager, you do your horny. I get it. But this is adults writing it. Watching it. Yeah. For adults. Yeah. And so it just doesn't work. It just comes across as really weird. I don't know. It's creepy. It just comes as creepy and like she's desperate to relive her teenage years. Like, she's popular. Those are like the... We need sexual fantasies here. HBO board for this. I would be like, can we ask this before it goes out, please? No, they're going to make a season two. Why wasn't this one of the things they wrote off? Why didn't they write this off? They wrote it off fast. What? There's no way. There's no way back... We'll kill, so... There's no way that back girl was worse than this. Like, come on. The money that went to this could have gone to something else. I want to see that. Yeah, that is the thing. The money, the money. The animators who worked on this and the artists like could have made something else. Yeah, the animation's fine. You know? I think that's actually what's annoying. That is actually really annoying me because the woman who made this show, like, she's not in the animation like industry, right? Like, she does other shit and she's come into this space to like make this vanity project, right? Like, she's not an animator. She's not, you know, like, creative in that regard. Like, I assume what's with Highlight is that you could attach a really great story to this level of animation. You could. Yeah, absolutely. You could. You could. And it's got elements that are clearly like the hallucination sequence are stylized in a certain way. You've got characters looking different. Like, it's a fine looking show. It's just it's about this. This is what's getting drawn in it. It's terrible. It's unworthy of existing. Why did you make this? Previously on Velma. No, we don't need to prove it. Are you kidding me? She has no brains. They think that's really funny. They've made that joke like four times. It's just it's a ditzy white girl. She's got, I mean, that's hilarious. No other fucking characters have brains. What is like what? Oh, yeah. And like being shot through both your legs and he's just like, what? You thought I was on the murderer wrong twice? To be fair, she's so bad at solving mysteries in Mother Left here. So I don't let it fall out. They did it again. Yeah. The physics makes no sense at all. How can he walk? No, it's fine. The dogs are licking the blood. I guess. What are you doing? It's just it's just fucking gross. All of it's gross. That's all it is. Now he's naked lol. Oh, what are you doing? It's not small. It's scared. What are you? Wow. What what are you doing? Simp. You know what I mean? Like it's just these characteristics. He only exists to praise her and to want to hurt her. You're here for a treat with some of this though. I do know what happens in some of this. Uh, no. I didn't feel weirdly edited at all. Jones, gentlemen's accessories. What are you poor? Fred Jones was arrested last night for murder. She they still think he did it. Did nobody think it was interesting that he was grabbing a notepad when he said I'll do to you what I did to her book. It was a chat book. Nobody cared about that. Oh, even though he said I was going to pay you off because there's games. He's going to write a red check. I'm sure you'd agree it's possible. Fred didn't do it. Fred's a rich white guy with a tiny dog. Oh my god. They don't miss a beat. Why? Why so raised? Yeah, I mean she's also yeah. Of course, all of the people will be talking about the teenagers. Tiny dick. That's us. Yeah, that's nasty. That's just normal for everyone to do. That's actually fucking nasty. All our classmates are idiots or sheep. So let's assume they're hot. Not me. She just hates everyone. I like that. Yeah, like this whole show hates humanity. Nobody's ever had merit except for her. There is no humanity here. You know what 420 is, right? Um, yeah. It's code for adults who still watch cartoons. I don't know why you made that. 420 is a drug reference. That just makes no fucking sense at any level. I saw somebody say like, just took the joke. You know, laugh at yourself. It's like, nah, sorry. I don't like sweeping dismissive statements about a whole medium of art. Sorry. It makes no sense. Instead, it sort of shows the whole like naivety. Like, oh, you got convinced cartoons were for kids. Yeah, you're actually a fool. And meanwhile you made this disgusting show. Well, yeah, you're pretending even for a fucking second. This is adult. This is not adult. This is just bullshit. This is just vulgar. Just to offer my sincerest condolences for the loss of your more popular friends that you picked over me. Stop. Oh my God. So, I mean, most of the content is just based around a couple of facts. Daphne's got ego. Velma hates literally fucking everyone for being mean to her. I wasn't the only person who likes her. She hates. She won't. Yeah, I don't know. You blow this. My family will bring the full weight of Jones gentlemen's accessories and Jones gentlemen's accessories for women down on your head. Why? Oh, it's not even. What is this character? Pancakes. Can I really even say that word? I don't think so. But you're not allowed to eat pancakes when you reach a certain age? It's bad that he doesn't drink alcohol when he's a teenager. Is that meant to be like the point? Admitting he's a little boy is worse than any crime. It's embarrassing. This is supposed to hinder on the fact that we might... I guess it's a joke that... I'm starting to like wonder if there is even a single person in the world who could have watched this and thought this was just great. He kind of looks like Shaggy. He kind of does, yeah. Something reminded me of the good times and I was like, oh. Watch onto it quickly. And that's the 411. Homeskill it. Words. What? Oh, shit. The fuck was that? It's just non-stop. So today on Norville Snacks, our world tour continues east as we say knee-how. Grappy's 79. So again, all we know to do with him is simpary to the maximum degree. He's gonna blackmail her now. Hey, he got off easy compared to Fred, I guess. Look at all these lockers. There's stains on him. What's happened here? It's just a nasty world where the roaches fuck in front of you. Everything's just nasty and mean. Everything. I'd rather live in Gotham High. I don't know. This place is trash. This whole fucking thing. According to TV, it's morally okay to deal drugs if your life is just kind of crap. Matter, matter, matter, matter, matter. Just tell a fucking joke. These are all white people. But also tell a story? Like- I spit truth without a filter. Like every comedian before. Hashtag me too. Look, are you in or are you out? I don't even know exactly what the point of that joke is. And that one, but it got him in trouble. Well, because there's so many ways you can interpret that. I want to make some real money. This is a disguise. Because what we're doing is illegal. Oh, sorry, we can't all make it rain cool shades, El Chapo. No, just put on a different shirt. Then she wouldn't be in her famous Velma outfit, so. Now most cultures are put on. If you really want to get swole, try Zoinks. You'll be bouncing them big old man boobs faster than you can say. Who is this fort? Yeah, we like- She hawking steroids now? Yes, I'm getting his real estate later. Why is he crying? Because everyone sucks in this world. Everyone's insecure. Your belief that you're the only one sleeping- Crying again, huh? Everyone's crying. Sorry, sorry. Everyone's crying and everyone's fucking 15 year old. This is what I like about Velma as a person is she just tells it how it is, you know, and everybody, she knows everybody to a T after about one second of meeting them. Hey, that character does not look like a Scooby-Doo character. Look more like a fucking metalocalypse character. So he sold this kidney to give her the money. No, the blackmail here, remember? What the fuck are we watching? I don't know. Sometimes you look at the name and you're like, what? What? What the fuck just happened? I don't know, I don't know. What just happened? Oh my god. What the fuck up, Velma? She's so fucking obnoxious. And there's what I mean. How could you ever like any of these people? Sorry. Oh, wow. She took the tazing really well. Why didn't the taze go into Daphne and why they just took her leg off again? I guess that's a running joke. What can you say? I feel like I'm hallucinating. Yeah. You know, like this isn't real. There's nothing to grasp on to. I feel like this just isn't. He just like happened to bump into people who are looking for kidney almost sold it. And then some guy came in and tried to kill everybody, but then he almost won with the sword he was going to sell. But then his fucking YouTube fans dissuaded him from doing so. Also, these two fucking lesbians, maybe maybe you judge people so harshly because it's easier to feel right from afar than risk getting close and being wrong. I hate this fucking styler right in with characters where they just explain to each other everything they believe to be true, but they're like in the most levels. And then even if they correct it, they'll just do it again. It's like, yep, none of it can be interpreted. You gambled our future on Fred Jones's innocence and now drugs are the only escape. But what do you possibly need for dealing money? Finding Fred innocent would require me to admit I'd incorrectly prejudge someone. I don't even understand what evidence they have against him. I was right. Homeslace is like Robert Durst level guilty. Before you just started talking, I thought you were a housekeeper. Holy crap. You are innocent. He is. Oh, yeah. I don't believe that. I don't believe that. You're being levitant. I would like to call the woman who caught Fred Velma Dinkley. Wasn't really her. It was the police. He was just another entitled rich guy who might kill someone because he has a tiny dong. And then everyone claps. Are they clapping? No, because, right, because everyone claps when you do that. That's what happens. It's only when people have enough courage to speak the truth that everyone claps. Fred literally can't feed himself. Like how angry you must be. You get to portray Fred Jones being unable to eat food because he's so stupid and has been taking care of his whole life. So entitled and privileged and fucking. Look at him. Moron. Fool. Idiot. No one should like him. People should like me. That's not even true, but I don't even care. Like what was your evidence against him? Oh. Why are you asking? He didn't do it, but let's all laugh him and make him a laughing stock anyway. Now he knows what it feels like. Bully loser. What? Blondared people have bad days too. What? Yes, sir. Yep. See. Oh, thank fucking God. I never have to see any more of this now. This is the end. There's a couple of minutes. So close. Maybe one. So close. Look at that blue bar. Go, blue bar. Go, go, go, blue bar. Go. Slide to the right. Come on. Keep going. Don't stop. Run. If I if I stretch it. Hey. Yay. Blue bar. Thank God. You did it, blue bar. Fucking foul TV show. You can rest now. Oh, it's. You can rest. After credit scene. No, I closed it up too bad. I'm not going to watch. I don't care. Yeah. No, that was that's terrible. That's horrible. That that man that isn't the running possibly the worst TV show I've ever had to watch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. I don't know what would what would contend with it. It's rare that a show is bad enough that I like I just can't fucking stand watching it. It's tough. Like I said, the reference just feels right. Willow is funny. And, you know, you can sort of you're having to sit down. Maybe you have a drink. You can have that while while it's all happening. It doesn't feel like it. But like this is painful. It's so like fucking obvious exactly what the writers goals are. Yeah. Certainly not jokes. No. No. Humor to be found anywhere. It's a barren wasteland. I didn't even know I literally just didn't know how to react to the show. Because you just want to stare and go over them. Yeah, I am. I am confused because I'm so confused as to how how is this a thing? This this took money and people. Yeah. Make and it's just atrocious. I don't I don't even I got nothing. How many how many how many times can you just go? It's shite. So you have to find like different ways of explaining. This is just the worst. Never ever ever do this again. Stop. That's really really trying to like break it down because the plot is like absolute fucking incoherent nonsense. Yeah. Yeah, like you understand like, OK, we're going to go do this thing. So we go here and here and here. But this this is like a worse. Kind of like a worse she-hulk. You like it might be worse. Yeah. That's just like yeah. Yeah, I just I mean it doesn't even get off the ground. It's only a show in technicality. It's like one of the only shows I can't tolerate. I'm just no never again alone. I'd rather I'd rather go back to not knowing you existed. There was a world. Yeah, there was a time where this wasn't a thing before it existed. No, it's a thing. It's going to keep going. And suitably, it is annoying everyone. Nobody likes this fucking show. Nobody likes it. It has no audience to the point that what was it that people think that it's actually a right wing Psyop? I'm pretty sure I saw that. Yeah, like that people think it's actually like a right wing Psyop. Beating the right way came up with this to make the left wing look back. There was also a shocking amount. Well, so 55% of critics gave this the thumbs up. Why? Over half. Over half. Yeah, that audience score is way too high. Yeah, like I don't know what I'm like over 50% of people will like, yeah, no, it's this cool. Yeah, that's good. Well, the critic one I can sometimes just understand it'll never make any sense. But I'm surprised that could possibly have scored a 6%. Who's fucking a foe in this? Well, that's probably like one of the lowest things ever, right? It should be. I'd like to see a one. And then you find out that the good ratings are just trolls being like, wouldn't it be funny to a foe? Yeah, it'd be a pretty funny meme. Jinkies, this radical reworking of the beloved mystery team has plenty of attitude and style, but it doesn't have the first clue for how to turn its clever subversion into engaging fun. That's that's that's too nice. Clever. It's too nice. The Mary Sue reviewer Julia Glassman said, I loved watching all the characters snipe at each other and the best jokes are laugh out loud funny. The show also has some good digs at sexism and patriarchy, but sometimes the show's gags are just rooted in plain old hipster fat phobia. I feel like I'm like an old grouchy 70 year old reading this review and going like, what the fuck are these words? What does that even mean? What does that even fucking mean? None of it's clever. So pandering shit. If if ever it's appealing to something beyond just the writers and securities, obviously, it's lost, right? Six percent down further because that six percent is ridiculous. I don't know how I'm going to negative number too high. I cannot believe it legitimately. I mean, honestly, just be not. Just be not. This isn't a show. This is one of those shows that like just halfway through release, they need to be like, we're sorry. And they just stop it. Yeah. This reminds me that I'm taking apology right now. It reminds me of that Santa show. I never watched it, but the one with Seth Rogen and Sarah Silverman. Yeah. Where it's just it just seems foul. The whole thing. Well, we got rid of Scooby-Doo. Thank God. You know, thank God. Thank goodness. It's safe. Yeah. We probably turned it down. So we're going to write it in and then he just came out the page when Oh, right off. Real ma. People will tell me about how this show gets worse. And I don't I'm never going to watch it again. You're not. You know, I'll just take their word for it. Oh, I'm. They are correct. I'll happily say that I'll back them up. Definitely. Never going to find out for myself. I'm not happening. I'll watch some clips here and there on the the YouTubes or the Twitter or whatever. But I never want to have to watch an episode of that ever again. That was torture. Yeah. What's the word for us? Oh, man. I don't want to go to bed upset. No, I mean, you have nightmares when you go to bed sad. I could have been playing Dead Space. Yeah. It could be one step. You had to. Who said of this? What are you doing? Yeah. Dead Space. I mean, far less grotesque piece of media compared to this. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty funny, right? So what's the last of us and then this? It's like night and day. It's not really great. It's not even night and day. It's just like one of one of these is like an actual story. Well, yeah. Yeah. It's like delving it outside of the void for a second to see Velma. You're like, what is this? And you're like this, this thing shouldn't even this is a mistake. This is some glitch in the matrix. This never should have made it through. Every show is Velma in hell. I just feel compelled to go watch some old Scooby-Doo. Like that's. You're compelled to burn this. Burn everything. Somehow this decides you managed to allow this to happen. Wipe the slight clean. Burn it down. Burn it all down. And from the ashes will rise a new boat. A bad boat. Nice. Gonna get a bad. That was Velma, episodes one and two. Thanks, bye. I'm weird and no one likes me. I'm weird and no- What'd you bring me?