 Hello, welcome back to another vlog. I thought for today's video, I would try something a little different and do something that I get really entertained by. And that's like more of a laid back, sort of like podcast style vlog. Basically, I'm just in a really chatty mood and like I just want to chat about all the things. I want to chat and just, I love having a platform where I have a place to vent. And sometimes I just want to like talk about all the stuff. So I thought we could just kind of chill together and chat and hopefully it's not too loud. I do not want to have the AC on right now, but I have to, it's a necessity. A lot of you say that you watch my vlogs and you'll put it on and kind of like fold laundry or do dishes or go around the house or do whatever. So I thought that this might be a fun one to just put on and go about your business, have someone hanging out with you while you're doing your thing. And maybe in the future, this is something that I could, if there's like more interest or it's something that I do more frequently, I can like actually get like a good microphone and better sound and stuff like that. But anyways, I thought the first thing that I would chat about and just sort of catch you up on me and my life is my health. I've been kind of like hinting at stuff and not that I don't feel the need to explain. There are many things about my health that I'm like totally keeping private, but the things that I have like opened up about in the past, I will share. I did make an appointment, like a follow up appointment with my OBGYN for like a specific, like it's called an irregular bleeding appointment, getting right into the period stuff. That is something that will hopefully like progress over time and develop into like maybe, you know, getting some sort of diagnosis or whatever. But that's just something that I'm so grateful that that's even available. And I did have my blood work and my blood work actually revealed quite a few things which is weird because I just got my blood drawn in May and like my gastro doctor is probably looking at different things than an OBGYN. But I did find out that I'm like very anemic which makes a lot of sense because I'm always tired. I feel like I never have energy. Everyone else in my life, I feel like just it's effortless to like get up and go do things. And for me, my energy gets depleted basically with almost nothing. I feel like I've spent a lot of my life feeling like a lazy piece of shit because I'm not able to like do as many things as other people. And to have a diagnosis or to have a doctor tell you like, yeah, actually you have anemia and it's something that really affects a lot of people and it can be manifested in a lot of different ways. But mostly it's like people just feel extremely lethargic and tired and I was just like, whoa, cause I don't know anyone who's more tired than me. I feel like I'm always tired. I always want to take a nap. And I like started to cry. I feel like I can start crying right now. I'm not going to, but it felt so validating. It was almost like when I got my SIBO diagnosis that I was like, oh, so there's a reason for all this stuff and it's not just like me and my fault and whatever. And so yeah, being anemic is something that obviously like a lot of people deal with but kind of connecting the dots, the SIBO is likely causing me to have anemia. And I've actually had a lot of people in my life be like, are you anemic like several times throughout my life? And I've always been like, no, but I never looked into it cause I was just like, no, I'm fine. But truly like if I do a workout class or if I, you know, go for a walk in the neighborhood and like come home, take a shower or whatever, I'm not energized at all. I like need to take a nap like or I need to lay down. Like my energy is at 0%. And so when I am like going about my business and doing these filming days and all that kind of stuff and traveling, it really takes a toll on me. And so it just feels really nice to know that there's kind of a reason behind it but the other thing that's kind of annoying about it is I've had like a couple other things. I have a couple other health concerns that have been raised by both my blood work and from my gastrodoctor that like I'm not gonna get into it, doesn't matter. But with like, you know, being diagnosed with SIBO, being diagnosed with anemia and then the other things that are going on every single time you're sent like a piece of paper or a PDF or whatever that's like, hey, here's what you should eat. And here's what you definitely should not eat. And basically all of those things are in direct conflict with each other, like every single thing. It's like, if you're anemic, then you need to eat lots of fibrous vegetables like broccoli and things that are high in iron. And then it's like, if you have SIBO, definitely don't eat too much broccoli or you know, it's just, it's like very confusing. So that's been kind of annoying. And of course every doctor, their solution is like lose weight. The OBGYN didn't say that, but it was just like, yeah, there were just other things in my blood work that were like basically like cut carbs, lose weight type of thing. So that's just really hard when you've been trying for the better part of like five years to enter like a more body neutral kind of space. And like, it feels like you're losing. It really does. It's just kind of been something that's been on my mind and I will continue to work on it with my doctors. And you know, I don't, I'm not looking for like medical advice or anything, but it's just something that I was like, okay, it's frustrating, but at the same time, like, yeah SIBO ruins everything basically. My SIBO is ruining my life as we're usual. When I get back from my trip to England, I really need to like go back to the gastro doctor and work a little bit more aggressively on like containing the SIBO, but it's just something that always comes back. It always, it's just so persistent anyway. I never really went to the doctor. Like growing up, I wasn't really like a doctor kind of girl. I went occasionally like, you know, I got my wisdom teeth out when I was like 28. I had to have an endoscopy when I was 19, but other than that, I really didn't go to the doctor that much. So just like going to this many doctors is kind of annoying, but also it's just something you have to do. It's like a self care, a part of self care that's not like sunshine and roses, you know, it's like annoying and you have to, you know, pursue your own health and advocate for yourself. So anyway, if you've been thinking about seeking out a diagnosis, don't give up because really like now I have a little bit more of a care plan in place and it feels really good. It feels like there's a little bit of hope on the horizon that wasn't there before. So that feels really good. And as far as my ear goes, probably by the time you see this, it'll be right around the time that I'm going or maybe shortly before that, but I actually do have to get a hole poked in my eardrum. I have to get a freaking hole poked in my eardrum. What the heck? I don't know how I feel about that. It's so annoying, but I'm getting ready to go on a plane and it's been six months of my ear never fully popping. It's definitely not like completely full like it was six months ago, but it's definitely not 100% better either. And there is still pressure in my ear. I do still hear my voice in my head sometimes, if that makes sense. Like when I'm talking, I can like hear it inside my brain and that's, it seems to be the only option. It's my, my ears will not pop. I've done the decongestants. I've done the tools. I've, trust me, I've tried, like bless. There are sometimes I get like comments from people who are DMs and they're like, have you tried chewing gum or yawning? And I'm like, yeah, it's been six months. I've yoned in the past six months, I promise. It's coming from such a sweet place, but it's just like, trust me, anything that you suggest I have tried. I've tried every method. I've tried methods they say to do. I've tried methods they say not to do in moments of desperation. I've tried steam. I've tried all of the above. It's just, it just won't fully pop. So I have to do what's called a mirroring God to me. And yeah, essentially I'm awake for it, which is joyful, but he just puts a few numbing drops in my ear and then pokes a tiny hole in my eardrum to relieve the pressure. And then that's also gonna be really helpful for when I am on a plane because if you have ear blockage and you go on a plane, the pressure can really mess with your inner ear and it can like burst your eardrum and stuff. And I'm not trying to deal with all that. So this is kind of just like a safety precaution and hopefully I won't have any more issues after that. I did buy what's called earplanes. A lot of people recommended those and it's almost like a corkscrew earplug that you use during takeoff and landing. So I'll try that. But anyway, no one cares about all that stuff, but I thought I would update you anyways because what the heck? Maybe some of you were going through a similar thing, but I have never heard of someone having an earplugged for six months. Over six months now. It's like insane. But whatever you live, you learn. It's just, it just happened because I was dealing with some congestion from when I had been sick like a week prior on an airplane. And so I guess the congestion just like freaked my ear out and my ear just closed up and never opened up again. So that's what's current with me. Oh, also last night I finally finished my book and this is probably like a bit delayed, but I finished my book, which is called Things We Crap. First one's Things We Never Get Over. The thing is we hide from the light is the second one and the third one is like Things We Never Let Go. Frick, I always forget the name of the third book. Anyways, it's a three series book. I'm not gonna spoil anything. It's a three book series and it's set in like a small town in Virginia. And what I think is really funny about it is this small town in Virginia is this like fairytale land. They have the most inclusivity I've ever heard of in my entire life. They have drag queen storybook hour at the library and all these different things. And I'm like, are we talking about the same Virginia? Because my family's from Virginia and it's not like that. My like entire mom's side of the family's from Virginia. My mom was born and raised in Virginia but it's just funny like it's just so, it's obviously fiction. It's so unrealistic. But I think that might be like a neurodivergent thing. Like I have a hard time with like fantasy and imagination. I'm just like, this is so unrealistic. So I get kind of like hooked on that, like focused on that. Basically in all three of these books, it is set in the same small town. It's kind of the same friend group. One book is like this guy who meets this girl who comes into town. The second book is his brother who meets another girl who comes into town. And then the third book is the best friend who meets another girl. Well, actually they had known each other for like 30 years or something. Had this long feud and blah, blah, blah. Enemies to lovers trope. And I will say, I don't think I have ever had a more love hate relationship with a book series in my entire life. Like I truly hate these books, but if they wrote a fourth book, I would buy it the day it came out. Like I would be the first in line. So I don't know what that says about it, but there is just so much writing in it that is so unbelievably like elder millennial cringe. And it's so weird because every person I've seen review this book is like five stars. I love it so much. It's my favorite book. And I'm like, there were physically times where I had to put it down because it was so bad sometimes. But all that said, I fucking loved it. I was obsessed. I gobbled up all almost 600 pages of it. It did take a while to get through, but I loved it. I do think that all of the men in that series desperately need therapy. Like desperately need therapy. And apparently in the third book, Lucien is in therapy. Well, he needs more. He needs more of it because oh my God. These men are mean to these women. Like they're mean. I don't understand, like it's just mean and like kind of toxic. So anyways, sorry for the spicy take. You'll have to let me know your thoughts in the comments below if you've read all three books. But yeah, that being said, I love it. I'm a fan. I'm gonna buy more if more come out. But she did say the author did say like in the sort of like acknowledgments at the end that this was the end of the series. So it's been like a nice escape because I've just been grieving a lot to be fully honest. Like I'm still grieving the loss of my pets deeply. And I don't really talk about it. Cause yeah, like I've said in the past, it just feels really unnatural to pull out the camera and be like, Hey, just been crying about my dog and my cat just checking in. Like I would never, you know, really do that. I had sort of shared some feelings in the beginning, but it just feels really raw and like vulnerable to do that. And so yeah, I mean, I've just been trying my best. I've been trying my best to like get back into the swing of things and get back into life. And I just feel like I've been treading water since the beginning of August. Since, you know, we lost Layla. It's just been such a whirlwind. And I've just been trying to survive. I've just been trying to get through the days, get through the weeks, get through my commitments, get through work, but it's been really hard. Like it's changed the entire course of my life. My entire life revolved around these animals. And you know, I got Layla when I was 23. I'm 35 now. It just feels so weird to not have them around anymore. And I keep getting freaking TikToks of like the cutest dogs and the cutest cats. And it's just, it's still really painful. And I know that it's gonna take a really long time to grieve. And honestly, this is like the first time I've been able to talk about it without crying. Just besides when, you know, right after Moodyde, because I was just like, I mean, you can tell in that video, like I was just not, I was 1% of a human. I was just on empty. But so it feels good to be able to like, share stories with Drew. And we're kind of like laughing about things that Layla and Mooh had done. And we're like, you know, able to smile and be like, oh, you know, I really love them. But there's multiple times a day where we're both like, I just miss them so much. Like there's still a lot of tears and it's just a lot. But for everyone who has been just like still sending me such nice messages and checking in on me. And you know, things like that, it's just really sweet. And I really appreciate it a lot. It means so, so much. And the internet is just such a cool thing. Like there's so many things that I love about the internet and there's like things that I don't love about it. But the majority of you who are watching this genuinely just want the best for me. And sometimes that's like hard for me to accept. Like you genuinely like support me and what I say. And you know, you may not agree with everything of course, but you're just like the most kind, warm, loving people ever. And it just means so much to me. So anyway, I love the internet for that. There are some things about the internet. I was gonna like touch on this sort of, I don't know, I'm kind of scared to like bring it up. But speaking of the internet, I don't know how to say this. Swifties are kind of scaring me lately on the internet. Like I'm getting a little freaked out by some Swifties. Like I think that it's, listen, I have been a Taylor Swift fan since 2006, seven. I was a freshman in college. I'm aging myself here, but I've been around. Okay, I've been around since the beginning. And I do feel like there is just like a lot of, I'm sure, you know, people who like sports and other things, the fandoms are similar, but the Swifties recently have truly been terrifying me. Like I think there's quite a difference, quite a stark difference honestly, between like a little bit of fun speculation, a little bit of lighthearted, silly. Like, ooh, I wonder, you know, if Taylor's gonna come to the game this Sunday or, you know, the football game, I'll get into that if you're not a Swiftie. But there's a difference between that and like full blown down the rabbit hole, tin foil hat conspiracy theories. And like sometimes the conspiracy theorists like genuinely scare me. It's genuinely scary. I feel like it's so dark and sinister sometimes. And it's like, Taylor has mentioned many times before that she really struggles to feel like a human person anymore because of the level of her fame. And like, listen, Taylor Swift is almost a billionaire. Okay, like she's gonna be fine regardless. But just on a human level, it's really bizarre. It's really bizarre and weird to see how people act when, you know, by the time Taylor Swift had been on one date with Travis Kelsey, which by the way, if you didn't know, Taylor Swift has been like casually dating Travis Kelsey who is a football player. He plays for the Kansas City Chiefs and like he's established, he has his own thing going on. He's a very successful football player and he's like, you know, done some stuff in the entertainment world. He had like a show on E like I think a dating show or something and he hosted SNL, which I saw. And listen, Taylor is a freshly single out of a very long-term serious relationship girly and she is living her best life. And I have seen so many like TikToks, especially TikToks and like Instagram reels of truly unhinged Swifties being like, she's gonna marry him and they're end game and all these things. And like someone wrote a fan fiction book in like three days. I don't know. I was watching a video from, I think it's called The Swiftologist, the channel. And I kind of agree. Like it felt like the most normal thing that I had seen in a while. I don't know anything about this person or like if they're good or bad or whatever. I just happened to see that video. And I was like, thank God. Cause I don't know. Maybe it's because I am like a millennial and I'm a bit older because some people, you know, just started becoming fans of Taylor Swift during like folklore and evermore. And so maybe because I've like ridden the waves and seen the seasons and whatever, it just feels so weird. But there's just this whole new level of like conspiracy theory about everything, about her relationships, her songs. I don't know if I'm getting my point across very well, but it's just like dissecting and inspecting every single aspect of her personal life and hiding in her garage, you know, showing up at her apartments, trying to get, you know, film her homes from the outside. Like these are things that actual fans are doing. Like literally stalking her, essentially stalking her. It's just so icky feeling to me. I don't know why it just really freaks me out. And I think that there's like a huge difference between yeah, like being a fan and being like, oh my God, let's go like, we're in Rhode Island. Let's go like drive by her house or whatever. But like trying to film it and see if she's in there. It's just like there is such a lack of boundaries lately. It's so weird. I love speculating about things. I love like, you know, talking about who she's dating and you know, connecting the dots in her songs and finding things that relate to me and whatever. But like, it's become a little freaky-deaky. It's like, it's concerning at this point. That's not about anyone specific by the way. It was just something that I've been thinking of and yeah, it's kind of wild. I could go on about so many other topics but I think I'm gonna like save it for another video because I think I've been blabbing for long enough but hopefully you enjoyed it. Today's vlog, I just wanted to do like a chat. It sounded like I just farted just then but it was my shoe. I promise, I promise it was my shoe. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for hanging out with me. If you wanna see any future topics being chatted about, let me know. Drew and I actually have considered starting a podcast. It was actually his idea. He was like, he has a name for it, a concept and everything. But it's just a matter of like, if we want to add one more aspect of like social media presence to our relationship, if that makes sense. Like our relationship is so precious to us and also like, your girl is busy. I have two YouTube channels and so adding like a whole other platform just feels like a lot. So I don't know, we'll see in the future but let me know if you like wanna see more of these just kind of car chat, chit chatty, carry chat. I don't know what to call it but anyway, hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you very soon for another regular vlog. Regular vlogs will resume after this and I'll see you very soon. Bye.