 The Craft Foods Company presents Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve, right? The Great Gilder Sleeve is brought to you by the Craft Foods Company makers of Far K. Margeron. Every day millions of women all over America serve Far K. Margeron because it tastes so good. To market, to market, to get some Far K. Home again, home again, try it today. You like it, you love it like millions who say their favorite Margeron is Far K. Far K. Margeron, P-A-R-K-A-Y, it's wonderful. Now let's join the Great Gilder Sleeve. It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon in May. But where is he? In his office, his desk strewn with papers getting ready the June 1st report of the Water Department. Who left that confounded door open? I told that girl. Well, I'm glad to know one city official that takes his duty seriously. How are you, Mr. Gilder Sleeve? I don't want any insurance. I know. I only thought... Mr. Purvis, I told you last time I'm carrying all I can handle. I know, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Shut that briefcase and get out of here. I'm busy. Mr. Gilder Sleeve, I have certain responsibilities as an insurance man. Put away that briefcase. I mean it. Please. You are an old customer of mine. And it's my duty to tell you about a policy we're discontinuing. After June 15, no more retroactive savings policies will be sold by indestructible light. Glad to hear it. I'll get those papers off my desk so I can get back... Well, you'll be interested in hearing why we're discontinuing the policy. The company was losing too much money on it. That's fine. Now get out. Oh, you're a man I always enjoy talking to, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. I always feel you're a foeman worthy of my steel. Steel is right. Now you can see from this chart. I don't want it. Disbursements and benefits? Stop trying to sell me a policy. Mr. Gilder Sleeve, I'm not trying to sell you a policy. I don't... What's that? But if I had let this policy be discontinued without telling you and you blamed me afterwards, I'd feel pretty bad, wouldn't I? Now I've done my duty, called it to your attention, and no hard feelings. How's the family? They're all fine and they don't need any insurance. Well, one of these days. You're looking well yourself. Feel okay? Certainly. Have a check-up lately? No, don't need one. Probably not. Well, nice to see you. Wait a minute. What are you getting at? Man your age. A check-up doesn't do any harm once a year, so... Poppycock, it's a waste of money. Look, Mr. Gilder Sleeve, you are a good customer of mine. I enjoy our little discussions. I feel I have a duty to you as well as to the company. What do you mean? Why don't you go down and see Doc Sample? He's the company doctor here in town, and let him give you a check-up at indestructible expense. And we'll just keep it a little secret between you and I. I don't know this doctor, Sample. Oh, he's a first rate man. Been with us for years. Just go down there and tell him that perverse sent you. Company pays him, you get a check-up, nobody gets hurt. Here, take my card with you. You're just trying to put me under obligation. I'm only doing my duty to you as a customer. Only thing is, don't tell anybody about it. Don't worry, I may not even go. The doctor will see you in just a moment, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. If you'll just come in here, please. Here? Yes, sir. Just undress, and the doctor will be with you directly. Shoes and everything? Yes, please. Another one from Purvis, doctor. Guess this is your operating room for all those knives. Well, you can't operate without my consent. That's the state law. No place to hang your pants in here. Put them on the operating table. I suppose it's been sterilized. Well, just pile everything on the chair, I guess. Good hot today. Left? That's it. Get a reading of your blood pressure. How old are you? About 48? 43. 4. 44? You can put your arm down now. What makes you think? Is my heart... Quiet, please. This is what tells the story. Is it high? No. Is it low? No. Well, what if... We all, Mr. Gilder Sleeve, just raise your arms so I can take the band off, will you? Why don't you try the other arm, doc? I may be a little excited or something. I don't think that'll be necessary. There we are. Get dressed now and tell Purvis you're okay. I am? Oh, yes, you can qualify all right. Qualify? Well, I wasn't so interested in that. I wanted to know how I am. My heart, for instance, is my heart... Your heart's all right, considering your age. And I'd say your general condition is the same. How old do you say you were? 44. Aren't you going to give me any advice, doctor? I mean, gosh, I come in here, you poke around and look at everything. There must be something you could tell me. Well, do you smoke a lot? Yes, I do. Cigars. About six a day. Might as well tell the truth. Ten sometimes. Well, you might cut out cigars for a while. I will right away, doctor. Do you smoke? I got a couple of cigars with me. I don't smoke cigars myself, thanks. Oh. Well, thanks a million anyway, doctor. I'm glad I found out about this. Gosh. Thanks. You better get my clothes on before I catch pneumonia. Anybody home? Is that you, Bertie? I'm out with some bars, Mr. Guilty. So is Nero. Is something you wanted? No, no thank you. I expect you'll be in pretty soon for supper. Yes, yes. Blood pressure. I feel it pounding in my temples right now. Or is it imagination? Where's that household medical book? Had a purple cover. Liver colored. Ah, there. Heart conditions. Blood pressure. The scientific term for high blood pressure is hypertension. Its presence can sometimes be detected by distended blood vessels in the eye, giving the eyeball a bloodshot appearance. My eyes are probably red right now. I bet if I could have a cigar, I'd feel fine. Still, that doctor was pretty thorough. Confounded of a man can't smoke. What can he do? You need some of these lamps, Mr. Guilty. Birdie, if you've got a minute, do me a favor, will you? I surely will, Mr. Guilty. I want you to be completely honest with me. Oh, I always am, Mr. Guilty, but I always tell the strict and absolute truth. I know, Birdie. Ain't nobody can say I don't tell the truth. The truth's a religion with me. Always has been the strict and absolute truth. I appreciate that, Birdie. It's been absolute since I was me high. I wasn't criticizing you, Birdie. I know you always tell the truth. That's why I came to you. I know I can count on you. Yes, sir. Now, look in my eyes, Birdie. I can look anybody in eye. I can look anybody in eye because I tell the truth. The strict and absolute... I know, Birdie. I'm not asking you to look me in the eye for that reason. I want you to look at my eyes and tell me what you see there. In your eye? Yes. What I see? In both of them, yes. Will you do it? Yes, sir, I'll do it. I don't see any steps in it, but I'll do it. Fine. Now, look. I'm looking. What do you see? Nothing. Let me explain, Birdie. You see the center of the eye? The iris? What color is it? Brown. And the white of the eye? What color is that? White. And you don't see anything else? No, sir. Wait a minute. Now I do. What do you see, Birdie? I see my own reflection, just as clear. Is that all? That's all, Mr. Gilles, please. I don't believe it, Birdie. You're trying to spare my feelings. Mr. Gilles, please. I told you the strict and absolute truth, and if you don't believe it... All right, all right. I apologize, Birdie. He, God's a sick man. Certainly doesn't get much encouragement around here. The Great Gilded Slave and the Zailments will return in just a moment. Right now, I'd like to... Right now, you'd like to read the Parquet Margarine commercial, right? That's right. Well, remember our agreement. All commercials will be brief and factual. No hoax them now. I'll remember. Parquet Margarine is made by the Kraft Foods Company, and that means Parquet Margarine is a quality food. That's a fact, if I've ever heard one. Parquet Margarine is a delicious spread for bread, rolls and muffins, and it's a delightful topping for pancakes and waffles. So far, so good. Parquet Margarine is one of the best of energy foods, and each pleasant pound contains 15,000 units of important vitamin A. Parquet Margarine is the most mouthwatering, the most lip-smacking, the most delicious... Oh, please, pal. Slow down. You're talking to grown-up people. Just stick to plain old facts. That's all we want. I'm sorry. I lost my head because I'm completely sold. Parquet Margarine, the margarine of Kraft quality, is flavor-fresh. It's made from choice products of American farms, and children and grown-ups alike delight in its flavor-rich goodness. It's America's favorite spread for bread. Millions of women all over America serve Parquet Margarine because it tastes so good. No said. Now let's return to Gildersleeve, who is still in a state of nerves. This is his first day of giving up smoking, and he has discovered that if he can't chew on a cigar, it's a choice of either biting his nails, biting the children, or chewing the furniture. So he's off to the drugstore to buy something else to chew. Good afternoon, Gildersleeve. Hi, Judge, nice day. Gildersleeve, wait not so fast. What's your hurry? Where are you going? Down to Beckman's drugstore. Well, I guess I'll be going. Beckman's, huh? Why Beckman? Because PV's is closed. Remember? Well, be seeing you, Judge. Gildersleeve, wait. Well, what is it? Stick around, old man. Don't be in such a hurry. Of course, will you stop being such an old woman? If you've got something on your mind, spill it. I thought you might just possibly be interested to know that our friend, PV, is back in town. PV? He's back, you say? Been back since this morning. The heck with Beckman. Better slow down a little. Bad for the old heart. What was that? I ran into Judge Hook on the street and he told... Yeah, so did I. The old gossip. He's running around town telling everybody and taking bows. You think he left home? And why doesn't he? Oh. Rock Ma, aren't you terrible? Well, I just couldn't wait to talk to Mr. Teedy so I went in and bought a lipstick I didn't need. I had a million things I was dying to ask him. Why he left home and where he went... I know why he left home, Lila. His wife made him sleep in the same room with their parrot. You know, I didn't get a thing out of him. Well, you have to know how to handle him. If you want to find out anything from Peavey, the thing to do is pretend you aren't interested. Just go in and act like nothing's happened. That's all. Pretend you never knew he was out of town. Pretty soon it'll get so he can't stand it. He'll talk. Rock Ma, you'd have made a wonderful spy. Psychology, that's all, Lila. I use it every day in the water business. You just watch me with Peavey. Well, you come right over now, you hear ya? And tell me every single thing you find out. If you find out anything. Yeah, don't worry, Lila. I'll give the old boy a taste of his own medicine. Oop. Uh, better slow down, Fock Morton. I keep forgetting. Don't mistake me on this, Lee. Good afternoon, Peavey. I'd like a pack of chewing gum, please. You said a package of chewing gum. That's what I said. That's right. Package of chewing gum. Any particular kind? The kind you chew. You can't... I mean any particular flavor. Oh, yes. Which one? Well, what have you got? Well, let me see ya. Just my glasses on here. There. We have the spear mint, we sell a lot of that. Okay, I'll take that. And then we have the double mint and the peppermint and the tutti furri. I'll take spear mint. And over here we have the... That's bubble gum, you can... No. Now just give me the spear mint. Now here, dentine chewing gum. That's for the teeth. Or dentures, this case may be. Then we have beamon's pepsin chewing gum. Pepsin, that's for the stomach. And here we have the ten-crown charcoal gum. That's charcoal. Well, make it spear mint. Boy, here's something new in a chewing gum if you're interested in chewing gum, Mr. Gilbert, please. Jobber just brought this in this morning, asked me to try it. Oh, what's that? Said he'd take it back if it didn't go. I took a couple of packages on consignment. It's called a... Let me see here. A little acting whorehound gum. Gee! The tempting that came out of the war, I imagine. It not only whitens the teeth and massages the gums, but also sweetens the breath and acts as a preventive for coughs. It says here on the package. Care to try it? No thanks. I'll stick to the spear mint. Of course, some people chew gum just for entertainment. They don't care about the added features. Now, if you like a mild gum, I... I can't stand it. That's your privilege, of course. That's about the lot, Mr. Gilbert, please. Spear mint, double mint, peppermint. I'll take spear mint. Spear mint. A very wise choice. There you are, and that will be an even five cents. No tax. I gave you your nickel PV. There it is. That's all you did. Thank you. Care to have me wrap that for you, Mr. Gilbert? No, no. Don't bother. Very well. Well, nice day, isn't it? Yes, it is. Well, is there something else, Mr. Gilbert? No, no, that was all. Just a gum. Well, gotta be going now. Goodbye, Mr. Gilbert. Goodbye. Nice day. Yes, it is. Well, here we go. Gotta be on my way. Yep, gotta get going. Bye, PV. Goodbye. PV, where the dickens have you been these last two weeks? I've been away. Is that all you have to say for yourself? Mr. Gilbert, I believe if a man goes away on a little trip, that's fair. All right, don't tell me. So you went on a little trip, eh? Why did you go? Sound like it. Oh, why'd you come back? I got cold. Tell me one thing, PV. Is the parrot back sleeping in his own room again? He's sleeping in the garage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see Mr. PV? Yeah, yeah, I saw him. Well, come right in now and tell me everything you found out here. Sofa. Sofa? Oh, thanks. Here's a stool for you. Put your feet up. Never mind the needle point. Well, sir? Now, let me light you a cigar for you, and then you tell me all about it. Oh, no cigar, Leela. No, no thank you. No cigar? Nope, I've given them up. Well, I wouldn't know you without a cigar, Frock Martin. It would be like shaving off your... I've given them up. Had to. Really? With these days, Frock Martin, and I don't like to say anything, but some women are never satisfied. Huh? Always improving a man. Always reforming him. Now, personally, I like the smell of cigar smoke. It's so masculine. Besides, I like a man to feel he can be comfortable when he's with me. Well, this has nothing to do with any woman, Leela. That's what you're thinking. Well, then why in the world are you? Doctors' orders. You've been to a doctor? I wasn't going to say anything about it, Leela. Frock Martin, it isn't anything serious. Well, uh, won't die tomorrow, I guess. But what did he say, Frock Martin? What did he tell you? Well, you know how doctors are, Leela. They never tell you anything. Always trying to make you think there's nothing wrong. He told me I'd better go a little easy. Particularly cigars. Oh, you poor darling. Oh, let me get your pillow. No, no. Don't bother, Leela. I'm all right. Yeah, now, now. Let me put it behind your head. Your brow feels perfectly cool. Sit down, Leela. Am I... Crying here? No, I like it. Oh, just let me move my cigar to the other pocket so it won't get broken. But I thought you'd given up cigars. Oh? I thought you'd given up cigars. I thought you'd given up cigars. I thought you'd given up cigars. I thought you'd given up cigars. Oh, I have. I just had this one left. Couldn't bear to throw it away. I just carry it around with me and sniff it when things get bad. That's so sad. My last cigar. Why do you torture yourself, Throfmorton? Why do you shave it? It's my silver bullet. Oh, silly. Now, let's try to be cheerful. Tell me about Mr. Peaty. What did you find out? Peaty? Come to think of it, I didn't find out a thing. Not a thing. But you're an old friend of his. I thought surely you'd... You know, my George, I can't help admiring the old fellow. There aren't many men in this town who have done what he did. Just walk out like that. I don't know that I think it was so admirable. Well, it may have been the wrong thing to do, but, my George, I admire him for doing it. I never would have done it. I know that. Oh, that's because you have too much sense of responsibility, Throfmorton. It's because I haven't the nerve. Now, that's not true. Why, you have more nerve than anybody I ever knew. I'm not talking about physical courage, Leela. No, Leela. When I think about Peaty, just lighting out like that, I realize how dull and colorless my own life has been. Well, Throfmorton, how can you say that? No, no. That's true. Who knows if I'd handled things differently, taken the bull by the horns, struck while the iron was hot. Who knows, Leela, things might be different today. I might be happily married by now. I might be almost anything. It's never too late, you know, Throfmorton. Now, Peaty, he wasn't saying much today, but I couldn't help noticing. There was a new light in his eye, a new spring in his step. He proved something to himself. He proved something to his wife, too. Proved he was master in his own home. You could be master, too, Throfmorton, in yours. Decision, that's the thing. I've always thought of you as a man who was capable of making great decisions, Throfmorton. You have? Well, I could never be interested in any man who didn't know his own mind. I think the thing about you has always been that you don't rush into things. Well... You're not the shallow type who well proposes to the first girl he runs into, for example, or marries the first girl he proposes to. But once your mind is made up about anything, gracious, I wouldn't care to oppose you. I can tell you that. Maybe you're right, Leela. After all, it took Peaty 40 years to get around to doing what he did. Of course. Yes, by George. I'm not going to waste any 40 years. You want to make up your mind, Leela, that's the thing. And don't be too cautious, either. After all, you only live once. You want to enjoy life. You want to live it to the full. Oh, Schrockmauer, and you're so right. You know, by George, this is a big day for me, Leela. And you were in on it. That's all I ask. Yep. Made up my mind about a lot of things. From now on, no more nonsense from yours to me. No more pussy-footing. Make decisions. Take action. Bing-bing. Live life to the full. What's going to be your first decision, Schrockmauer? Leela? Yes, Schrockmauer. Have you got a match? Match. I'm going back to cigars. So here from the Great Gilda Sleeve again, so please stick around. Every day, millions of women all over America serve parquet margarine because it tastes so good. Try it soon. Discover parquet's fine fresh flavor when you spread it on bread, toast, and rolls. Remember, every day, millions of women all over America serve crafts parquet margarine because it tastes so good. Look first for the margarine of craft quality. Parquet margarine made by Kraft. To market, to market, to get some parquet. Home again, home again, try it today. You like it, you love it, like millions who say their favorite margarine is parquet. Parquet margarine. P-A-R-K-A-Y, it's wonderful. The Gilda Sleeve, I've got... Get out of here, Purvis. Oh, I've got good news for you. The doctor says you're okay. I've got bad news for you. I'm going to live forever so I don't need any insurance. Good night, Purvis. Good night, folks. The Great Gilda Sleeve is played by Harold Curry. It is written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. The music is by Jack Meakin, included in the cast are Lillian Randolph, Shirley Mitchell, Earl Ross, and Richard Legrand. This is John Lang saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of craft quality food products. Good night. Listen in again next Wednesday for the further adventures of The Great Gilda Sleeve. Imagine serving leftovers and having the family think they're getting a brand-new main dish. Here's the easy way it's done. First, make a luscious golden sauce with Pabstet cheese food and a little milk. Then, pour this cheddar-rich Pabstet sauce over leftovers of meat, chicken, vegetables, or fish. First, though, you have a tempting new treat the whole family will love. Pabstet is grand for snacks and sandwiches, too, so stock up on both delicious varieties, golden cheddar and pimento. P-A-B-S-T-E-T. Pabstet cheese food. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.