 Hello! And welcome to Let's Talk Tachlis. Thank you so much for joining us today. Today we have the honor and privilege to have you my dear friend, Yosef Shleim Espirah. Soon you'll find out why I call him my dear friend. For many, many reasons and many, many years we go back and we had a lot of good times together, some sad times together. We have a very good rapport so we are so glad to bring him to our studio to do our first podcast and let's get straight to it. How are you Mr. Espirah? Thank you very much for having me. And Mr. Reb Aaron, as I would say, is absolutely correct. We go back a long time and it is an honor and privilege to have you as a friend. And Mr. Blomofeld, as we call him today, or Reb Aaron, whatever works, Reb Aaron, has been a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on for me and my family for many, many years. It's actually thanks to him that I'm here where I am today. So let me ask you, why are you here today? I have no idea. But I'm actually surprised that this interview is taking place in English. Not my first language, not my preferred language either. What is your preferred language? My favorite language is Yiddish. Nice language. Beautiful. And it's taking us a long way. And so we'll do the best we can in the English language. So some listeners will be able to understand us better. Yes, that's the goal. Our goal is our listeners. They own the show, they own the content. They can tell me, they can tell us what's good, what's not good, what to delete, what to highlight. And that's all about the listeners. I would think that I find you to be very, very grounded. Why am I saying it? Because we all have challenges in life and we all have larger and smaller issues to deal with. And all our challenges come from Hashem, obviously. And often we don't understand why Hashem is doing things to us. The good things and the not-such-good things. If we suddenly make somewhere a nice bulk of money, we never think why Hashem did it to us. But unfortunately, sometime in life, we have sad and difficult things to deal with. And then we think that Hashem is running his world in an interesting way. But if you see someone that had a big challenge in his life and he overcame the challenge in such a powerful and meaningful way, to me it's an inspiration. So I'd like to speak to you today with your permission about your big challenge. So you say challenge and I'm going to ask you a question. Which challenge are you talking about? That's a cute one. I've been my next bird, I'll be 56. Congratulations. Married for, I don't remember, 36 years, 1985, 36 years plus. And so the challenge can be in children's bias, marriage, financial, large family, a disabled child, or as my wife calls it, differently abled child. Like that. With challenges for 27 years or many other things in life that are challenging. So which one do we concentrate on? So I think that we may have to invite you for four or five separate episodes because I'm sure and I know some of you, part of your history. And I know that you dealt with many of your challenges in a very unique way. But today I choose with your permission to talk about what I think was probably your biggest challenge in life. I know that you had a child that really turned your life around in many, many ways. I knew the child somewhat, not so well, but I knew him, I saw him often. I never interacted with him. But the way you and your wife and your family dealt with your child really took me by storm. And I was really baffled of how parents can overcome such a big challenge and come out like winners. Not only winners, I can say leaders in this industry. So with your permission, let's talk about what happened with your dear son. I would completely agree with you on the fact that it is the biggest challenge. And the reason it's the biggest is only because it's a surprise. Marriage, every child knows when you get it, when you're going to get married, there are challenges. Adjustments to be made. Financial challenges, every child knows it. You're going to get an adult, become an adult, you have to find yourself to financially support yourself. Sometimes surprises will happen there also. When you have a large family of kids, challenges normal expected. When you have a child who six months after he's been born has a meningitis, which is a brain infection. And never recovers from it and becomes completely, what's the word I'm looking for, e-mobile, non-functional. Many of his abilities was disabled. And that's kind of a surprise. That's supposed to be that way. I think surprise and understatement. That's the element of surprise that makes the challenge the biggest of all the challenges. And all of a sudden you're 22 years old and it's child number three. And you just don't know what hit you, you don't know what to do, you have to start life. So one sad part looking back in retrospect is our parents who are from the previous generation who wanted it very much to be a secret. For about a year and a year and a half I think it was. It was a secret. Nobody was supposed to know. So we had to go to a wedding, the child was left with the babysitter so to speak. Which makes the challenge so much greater and bigger. Which makes it a lot more trauma because you have nobody to share with. With your permission I want to back up a little and hear just the basics. What happened, when it happened, how did you find out? I believe it was born normal. Am I correct? Yeah, yeah. So my son, child number three. What was his name? Shmueli. Or Shmuelofraim for those in the family that like to call Shmuelofraim. He was born normal. He was born on right of the Pesach. We went to Israel in Hezvim. My wife and I and the baby of course. Normal trip. We came home on a Sunday morning. And the baby of ours at the time, like Wednesday Thursday, started not feeling well. Something like that. Went to the doctor. That is an ear infection. Gave him some antibiotics. Nothing was moving. Still had fever and the child was lethargic. And it was listless as we can call it now. And a little did we know that he had aminogitis going on at the same time. Basically being misdiagnosed. Or it was an infection on top of aminogitis. We don't know yet. Didn't know at the time. So the doctor said go home till after the weekend and come back and see me in Monday morning. Nothing changes. We called Friday to complain and it's none. And lamaisa, it turned out that at that time Sunday afternoon came around. We found him in the bed. Breathing very heavily. Looked no good. So of course we called the ambulance and we got to the hospital. By the time we got to the hospital his eyes were rolled back. No oxygen for a few minutes. Resuscitation took place. Which is known to be one of the biggest, one most affecting issues in a person's life. Not to have oxygen in the brain for a few minutes. It damages the brain. Correct. And sometimes it's permanently and sometimes it could be recovered. It depends how deep the damage was. So we found ourselves with a brain damage child. And which he basically never really recovered from. And from there we went to therapy, hospitalizations, surgeries. Back and forth we put a shunt in his brain to drain the fluid. And then because he was mobile for a long time his hip gave away. We had to do a hip replacement on the other side. His ligaments kind of became very tight. Except for his heart and urology. I think every single part of his body eventually was. Okay, started giving up. Giving up, being fixed, repaired, medication and so on and so forth. Wow. Do you, do you believe, I know everything is bashed, we all believe that. But you believed it was human error that caused the derailment and the deterioration of the condition. I would answer like this, doesn't really matter. Wow. Because I mean, I want to make a statement. And I'm not, maybe you were present at the time many years ago. As you know I like to speak. I like to speak to people. Myself without people I'm dead. I need people around me. That's one of the reasons you're here by the way. So I made a statement at the time and I got a little flag for it. I said if I had to live live all over again, I would choose it with a sick child. People said you're not supposed to talk like that. No, this is not good. You don't talk like that. You know what you just said? I'm one of those people. So I said I'll take it back. I'll correct my statement. If I have to live live all over again, I would choose it with the benefits that a sick child brings into the house. Wow. So it doesn't really matter how it happened. The fact of the matter is that eventually we had to deal with these challenges on a daily basis. Simple stuff like going to a wedding or getting the whole family together and go somewhere. It was not an option at our household. There was always one of us had to stay home. A brother-in-law gets married in Belgium. Naturally everybody goes. So my wife meant herself because her brother got married and so on and so forth. This is like little things. I was going to say. And then going to hospitalizations where we do the older kids. And if I may add, the easiest part of having a sick child at home is the sick child himself or herself. Every part of the body has their own specialist. Brain, eyes, chin, skin. Legs, hands, everything. Orthopedic doctors, gastro doctors, neurosurgeon, neurology. Everybody. The problem is the healthy ones around us. Not to mention the family. We'll get it in a moment. That makes it even hard. But even I was more concerned for my son Moishi and Malki with their little kids that we had to give away every once in a while. We sent them to hospitals. We sent them to a neighbor, to a friend, to a sister-in-law. And I pitted them much more because they had the right to have normal parents. They didn't have that for a long time. How do you... I know they were young at the time. How do you break the news or how do you bring in siblings to the situation that happened in your house? How do you make them part of the story of the dilemma besides the fact of wanting to protect them and to have them growing up normally? But how do you break the news to them? So as I was saying about siblings. No, so the siblings, this child number three, so the first two were little kids. They were two years old, my daughter and my son was one year old. So there's no news to break to them. There's a new baby and we're going to the hospital, we're going to this and that and the other things. So the rest of the kids were born into it. Obviously it was for them easier. Now, so it wasn't breaking news to them. It was their experience in our whole life basically was if I may elaborate a little more now. They saw us parents doing what we were really doing. So everybody became involved. It wasn't like the kids were not able to go to school, not tell their kids, the friends that they don't have. I thought I was thinking just the other way around. They would go, we have a special brother. So I want to, I want to start with two, three points. Number one, today, 2020, when you have, when one has a sick child or a challenged child, we graduated to call them special children. And I think that's a tremendous accomplishment. Some organizations, I know Hask used to call them special children slowly that grew on us. They are special children, they're not bad or hard children. But I think in those days, going back 28 years ago more, 28 to 30 years ago, I don't think the label of special children was so popular and common. So it brings me back to ask you again, like, how did you and your wife and your kids felt somewhat comfortable to go out there and not be embarrassed about the brother, the thing that they have in the house called a sick brother or a sick child? Okay, very, very well asked question. The, going back 1988, when someone was born, it was 30 something years ago. No, I was the first Hasidic person to push an own child in a wheelchair on the streets. Wow. Now, how did the Coyote do that? Very simple, because I was angry enough. It comes back to everything is kind of a shared, as you'd like to say. So the fact that the matter that it was supposed to be a secret for the year and a half, year and a half is a very long time to keep a secret, especially when you like to go out and deal with people and so on and so forth. Socialize, live life. Socialize, live life, exactly. So a certain anger builds up in you and you ask yourself every single minute of the day, why am I keeping this a secret? Because my elder appearance thought it was the right thing to do. And we couldn't understand why. Had I gone to Macy's and had a choice of buying children or kids, and I'll pick a sick one over a healthy one. Okay, good, I agreed. He did me a super move. Shame on you. You know, Macy's was almost in bankruptcy. Yeah. So having a child like any other child and a child just made it to be different. What does God do with me? Why do I have to keep a secret? I was going to ask you a question, but I was going to ask it later in the game. But I won't ask it now. It's a tough question. I vaguely remember that in the first few years, I'm really polishing up what you just said. But I prepared this as a question for you. I'm sorry. I vaguely remember that the first few years, you were kind of locked and so secretive about what happened to you. And at one point, the champagne bottle popped open and you became the most outspoken noisemaker conversationalist about this issue. And I was going to ask you, so what flipped the coin from one end to the other? And what happened? Accumulation of anger. Wow. Three words. I was angry at myself for listening to people who didn't understand me. And for the life of me, as many times as I asked, they couldn't give me a good answer. Answers about what? Why should I keep a secret? And I'll come and I'll be able to make Shadukh with the kids. Shadukh for me at the time was like very far away, 20 years out. I wasn't even thinking, so maybe they are right, maybe they're not. But again, I felt miserable not to be able to share with anybody this big secret. Every single day, every single day, in my life, the same thing. And at one point, I kind of said to my wife, this is it. So when I'm driving down to Monsi, I had to pick a person that I'm going to tell the story. So I picked a person. You're lucky you're in there. Yes, I picked a person in Monsi who I knew, he knows a little bit about medical. And I drove down to him and I called him and said, can I come and speak to you? That's something important to me. I said, okay, come tomorrow at 8 o'clock, whatever, meet up at the time. And I told him my story. Driving back to Borupak that night was for me the most pleasurable trip I had ever had. Felt relieved. Nothing happened. I told it to somebody. I'm alive. I'm alive. I'm still the same person. I can think. I can still go out and sell life insurance. This is what I do for a living. And it's even better now because I had a whole big bundle off my shoulder. It's working beautiful. So, and I told my wife, of course, how the conversation went. And we still had an issue because my wife was still in this black place. She didn't have that person yet to speak with. So that was an issue in itself. Now going back to the Shulabias issue, right? Right. It's a separate podcast. It's a separate discussion. So with that happening, we decided that we're going public with the story. And it's going to be a public event. And we didn't do anything wrong. We're doing for this kid whatever we can possible. And we will continue to do that and screw the world. What a game changer, huh? And that's what you might remember. I popped open and it was absolutely correct. Wow. And not only that, you became the biggest advocate. You went around to people of sick children, to people of difficulties in life. I'm sure it happened slowly. Yeah, that came with the territory. But that was my time just for me to do the right thing. No, obviously. We wanted to do the right thing with our child in the right way. And there's nothing to be embarrassed about sticking up for your kids. When you have normal kids, every child is a different level. Would you not treat all the kids according to their needs? Absolutely. So why was my son any different? I heard once a beautiful line that some people, kids have challenges. Some people have hearing issues. Some people have small issues. So let's say for hearing, I heard it in reference to hearing. So they have those little, well Hashem, they have the little solutions. They put a certain, they plant in something in the end. They can hear better. And some parents didn't graduate to the point that you did. And they feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed about it. So one of the parents I spoke with, they told me, they flipped the coin. Someone told them, why is eyeglasses different than hearing aids? This child cannot see well they wear glasses. This child cannot hear well. They wear hearing aids. And I was really beautiful perspective, which takes people to a calmer place, to a better place, to a healthier place. And they can deal with the issue in a much more productive and meaningful way. So it's funny you're mentioning the hearing aid thing. My grandfather, he's not alive anymore. He was looking for his first daughter. His first daughter. So his daughter is now 77 years old. So we're talking about some 50 something years ago. Yeah. So he would look for a boher that does not wear eyeglasses. The reason? My daughter doesn't deserve a blind boy. Oh my goodness. Lo and behold, until today's day, her husband does not wear eyeglasses. That's funny. That's really cute. It's true story. It shows you the advancement of the generations. Here's no eyeglasses. And today we have glasses and nothing, lenses, laser correction, all these things. Then we have hearing aids. Hearing assistant. Assistant, that's a nicer word. And then we have Yossi Shloyma telling us that his child who is very, very disabled and sick, Boh Hashem, there's nothing wrong by opening up and bringing him out to the street, treating him outside like a regular child from the point of visibility and exposure. I think it's Boh Hashem an amazing advancement that the world has come to. Yes. And if I may brag about myself as well. Well, I was the first one here in Brooklyn who made Abramitz for a child in a wheelchair that has no ability of talking, walking or doing anything voluntarily except for smiling or crying. That must have been some event. It was a very interesting event because a lot of people who were invited did not know that this is a disabled child. And it was actually challenging, not challenging, it was actually fun to watch people coming in who were very close with me, oh, this is your child? He made Abramitz for him. And you would see people would kind of talk to each other like this. What is supposed to be the present? Because they brought presents for a normal boy. And all of a sudden they're kind of hiding in between the chairs. So that was the fun part. But Boh Hashem today is day and age, a disabled child or whatever, a special needs child, whatever we call them. They are special. And you have many buses, vans, you have a must pick, you have rain, you have all these organizations, parents are not embarrassed to do the right thing. And I want to come to another point, which is very challenging still today. Because I do get calls from time to time. We're a young couple having a child. They found out that either the child is downstream or some other child. Whatever some challenging issue with the child. And the parent would call them up and say, give the child away. Now the lady just gave birth. She's not back to herself yet. Let's call it back to her normal stage. And she being pressured by a parent, give the child up because A, B and C. Usually it has nothing to do with the baby or the mother just gave birth. Usually I find it to be, it's an ego of a grandparent. And they would call me and tell me, can you call my daughter and encourage her to give away a child since you went through a very hard time? Of course I don't do this. If anything, I tell the parent to bug out. None of your business. Hashem gave it to them because in reality Hashem had two other options. Either give the mother a sick child or give the grandmother a sick child. Or the new mother just gave birth, the grandmother is a brain. Two other options. Hashem chose to give it to these two people, husband and wife. They will figure out how to do this. Now if someone doesn't want to take the test, we can have a talk about that as well. Yes. So the question is really, what tools have Hashem done to a young couple? Totally brand new. How can they start collecting a toolbox with the strength to have the ability to cope and deal with such a thing? Borch Hashem, you look so seasoned in this issue. And I know it took many, many years, very hard work and selflessness and commitment and betuking and stuff like this. I want to talk about Hashem soon. I should start with Hashem. But I cannot talk about Hashem when you have the difficulty. I can talk about Hashem when I see something good and something nice and big. But how to show them something like this happens to a young couple or to anyone? Give us a little summary. How should they gather themselves and start dealing with such a challenging thing, not knowing anything about life, let alone this particular challenge? What would you tell them? Loaded question and the answer is as follows. We have to go back in time when, prior to GPSs, when we need to drive to some place. Let's say you want to go to Montreal. There's no GPS. You have no idea where Montreal is on the map. So first you have to find the map. Find out where Montreal is and where you are. And then you would ask a person, did you ever travel to Montreal? When is the best time to leave, traffic-wise? Or weather-wise? Getting to the border, when is the least busy? When is it very busy? So you ask a person to travel that road. And then you'll get there very appropriately. Reasonably, well, like I say. Now, I always use the upper example. I mean, you have people in this day and age. They would want to travel to Montreal from Brooklyn. You have to travel north. And they would sit down to New Jersey, turn right south, heading to Florida and you would call them, sorry, you're going the wrong direction. Don't tell me what to do. I have three lanes over here. Beautiful weather, no cops. I can speed. It's beautiful, beautiful, I'll get there. So what would you do? If your good friend is doing it, would you stop him? Of course you would stop and tell him, turn around, they got to go north or else he's going to get to Florida. Not to Montreal. Same thing with every challenge in life. I personally, I don't know if everybody does that. I have never ever made a decision without discussing it with somebody else. Period. And that somebody else does not have to be somebody's older than me, more mature than me, it can be younger than me in fact, today is day and age, my current rabbi, coach of a Panette, we know well, is younger than me, about 15 years. And without him, I wouldn't be any place close to where I am today. Wow. He got a good blog now. He deserves it, he's just a lot more than that. The master. Now I do have other friends as well. And then I'm quoting always a friend of mine, who happens to be an attorney, a Qassidish guy. And we were talking, I don't know what we were talking about, he said one line, like a one line to me, a one to one, it sticks to me. Lower your expectation you will never be disappointed. So when you have a challenge and you need to gather your tools, go talk to somebody, actually travel that road and actually talk to both people, some people actually give away a child. Now, and I did this as well. Let me back you up with a story. I don't know if people would like to hear it, it's a story because it happened. So it was suggested to us my wife and I had to give away the child. At one point my son was stable, my wife and I were stable enough to listen to other people. Maybe they are right, maybe should give away. Let's go find some people who gave away children. Where did he put the child? So we found out where they put the child. I remember one time we traveled to Albany three and a half hour ride and we traveled to a place called, I don't remember the name, St. Something. It was a stunning beautiful building. The paint colors for children was beautiful. The grass, the outside. The outside, gorgeous. However, on the floor inside this big ballroom is the time we can come visit. You had like a little, not even beds, I don't know what you would call them. Maybe a cat. Maybe a cat where the children would be laying on and doing nothing, literally. And waiting for their turn to get therapy or different programs or food. Treatments, whatever. And when I asked the people in charge of it, what's the story of it? What's going on here? I said, okay, this is what we do with the children. We're just waiting for them to live their life and make it as comfortable as possible. When time comes, we just let them go. And I said, something is wrong here. I'm not going to put my child there. And then we got into discussion. Their policy was not to resuscitate kids. Wow. Because if God wants to take them away, it wasn't a Jewish place. It's time for them to go and to roll on to the next patient. So we went to visit these parents. We actually spoke to the parents. Of a child that was in this institution? Of that particular child that was in Brooklyn. Our community from here, Bar Park. And the child was there. And so we went to the parents. So how does it work out? He gave the child away. What did he do? What did he tell the other kids? And how did it work out? So the mother answered very simply like this. Physically, it's a lot easier. Because you have a child that's in the house. You don't have to pick him up, change a band before. A six-year-old is not so easy. It's not patient pain. The physical element of having any child, especially a physical limited child, is hard. So that hardship is gone. Emotionally, first we went every month. We went down to Albany to visit. And then every six months and then every year. And then we kind of we go whenever we decide we feel we need to go. And then she added... Waiting for the punchline. Then she added something very interestingly. But I want to tell you something. So what did he tell the other kids? So we tell the kids, let's make this child's name. We'll make it Yossi. Not a real name. And we told the kids that Yossi's not feeling well. And he's the place where they take care of children who don't feel well. So one day, little three- or four-year-old kid in the house, the most safest place is next to the mother in the kitchen. Mommy, if I'm not going to feel well, am I going to go to the same place where Yossi is? And there was a decision maker for us. My child, our child never goes nowhere. He stays in the house for as long as he wants to stay in the house. And my children are aware of the story. We told them to them. And any hardship that came afterwards is challenging as it was. That's the way... Let me jump ahead a few years, like 20 years later when my son passed away five years ago. Yeah, I was going to break the news to the audience unfortunately. I was in the hospital for like four weeks or six weeks, kind of dying. And my little son, it wasn't so little, he was like nine or ten years old, he asked me, Tati, why are you going to Shubhune to the hospital every day? Very good question. My answer was even wilder, I think, I didn't think a moment before I answered it, but I think it's a good message. I thought I would do the same to you if you were in the hospital. It was a very strong answer and it resonates with him till today. Wow. And my kids know that I would have done everything to have each other's mouths. So I hope that answers the question. More than I can digest. Wow. It's so hard to summarize and to go forward fast forward 10, 15 years. You think it made your family before I'll ask about you and your wife. You think it made your family a stronger, more united, more positive family, the experience? Or you think it brought some weakness and some I don't want to say sadness, I know your kids are not sad, some of them very well, but if it brought some a certain cloud of your family. So if I may mix a little Hebrew linguistic over here. Lingo, what is it called? Hebrew lingo. In Israeli military, what doesn't kill you builds you. In reality a lot of people in any challenge in life will either bring you closer or bring you more apart. We look at our weaknesses, what we can and we start building it up. And we have no choice because I'm starting to figure out why invited you to this podcast. Many people will treasure and listen to what you say and wow, what a strong message. And obviously some of the kids as I said we are in our solid. So the real challenges is any parent out there who was dealing with a sick child. I think the real challenges the parents, the grandparents they have an opinion they didn't go through any challenges in their life of this sort, most likely. And they come and they tell you what to do and how to do it and you feel like obligated or guilty to listen to them or not to listen to them. You get confused, you get guilty, you get No, because to a parent you're used to listen to. Right. And and keep it up if your father tells you to put on a code because he is cold and you do not put on a code you're not over and keep it up. That's not keep it up at all. So the same thing is when a father tells you an opinion about a medical issue or things like that I don't think you're over any keep it up ask a local rabbi of course. Any keep it up by not listening to them you got to do what's right for you and I would like to say in a very strong way but I don't know how parents are a problem, grandparents are a problem. They are. Watch out, you're a grandparent. You don't want to hear that about you but I totally understand I know by Shaddichim many many parents are blocking the children from making Shaddichim that would be right for them and for the child for political reasons, for speech reasons and stuff like this but it's definitely something we have to the art would be to do it smoothly and to do it smartly to tell the parents I hear you, I will consider but it's a very, as you said it's a very difficult there's a famous one of the Geir Rebis that decided in Israel to open to open in his it's called Kiryach in these places and young couples had to move away for five years, the first five years after they got married so the parents do not mix into the life and do not shape their life the way they want the children's life to look, no life is to be shaped in a normal natural way and if you have good children you should have to trust them and you have to empower them to do the right thing but not mix in and not try to make them do what you feel is the right thing to do wow let me jump in for a moment if you want to go back to I say to you what does that mean I think if I'm wrong is go pay a therapist of course therapy, nothing is wrong with me we're good, we're strong people so we don't want to go to therapist so call it something else, call it a coach I was waiting for this yes, call it a coach and pay for it an attorney doesn't cost any money it's worth as much as he costs so pay for a coach and that's what chazaltel us it doesn't anyway say, ask your father or your shver or your in-laws no go to your rabbi if you're comfortable with you can spill all the beans and they will give you an honest straight answer I'm just listening that's 80% of the answers that's the reason we have 2 years of 1 month correct least more and talk half I heard from you many years ago that's so true wow let's talk about Hashem for a minute because he's before he's during and he's after it's all about Hashem when you found out the severity of the situation did you call him up say Hashem, I need to speak with you we absolutely did the first thing is denial, like everything else in life when something goes wrong you say no, it's not happening for sure so that's a natural reaction a child would have made a what it's called a tantrum throw a tantrum we adults we say no that's a tantrum, an adult version and then denial until acceptance is a long way short of some others that's the time of course we call Hashem we don't and we ask we try to understand and we ask for strength we always ask, just give us strength what it takes to handle the situation we'll handle it, just give us strength most people would have one stage earlier like Hashem, you are the master, you do everything you are the one doing the good and what looks bad why did you do it? why? I'm young I'm helpless why did you do it? what happened to me? how do I answer this question? I don't know I'm going to give some credit to my father maybe so my father is a very nice person, lives up to Monty in New York used to be very Balbatish then came a time where the whole diamond industry went south and he had no money anymore and he chose never to go on to these city programs like food systems medicaid for some reason Hashem can give it to me straight in cash and we're just going to do it like that he made of 12 children I was the first one and I saw him managing all this with faith and just believe and trust in Hashem that everything will be okay and it worked out that way so maybe some credit some credit do get some credit because we are who they made us to be obviously and yeah maybe it's like that, I'm not sure myself that's how this but then again, once you're in business for yourself I'm in life's business like I said Hashem is all around every day yeah, today is a big awareness to connect with Hashem to share with him and thank him constantly and I really see in many people it makes them secure calmer we should not be tested on such big challenges but I think all in all those days it was a big problem I think Hashem would be okay if you question him for a few minutes after something like this happens he wants you to question him yes, correct but to say it officially questioning Hashem is okay and that's why I asked you how did you what did he answer you when you asked him when you questioned him what did he answer you when you asked Hashem so I'll tell you we learn some other memory we're Hashem is the same way to thank Hashem for the good things you should be thanking for the bad things I was a little kid and a shader and I asked a question to Rabbi really, my mom gives me a piece of ice cream I say thank you and she gives me a smack in the face the same thing, because Hashem is just the same no, you have to understand that certain Madregas not everybody reaches that Madrega and then they go over the stories which I never, never bought because I want a real answer in the language that I spoke which is Yiddish so it's two years ago sitting in my chair every night I'm losing this in the room and he said in the end there she is in Yassush Klamashapira does not hesitate to raise his finger and say I have a question in public and that question is something that bothered me for many, many years literally 45 years I would never get a straight answer so Yassush like they said Hashem gives you something bad sure you should cry he gives you pain, you should cry, open a tilum give it to the docker, ask and pray and daven and that sound well, sure now two years from now when you find out that that thing that happened two years ago was really a toy it was really something good for you that's when you thank Hashem it's not supposed to be instantly so you ask me what Hashem answered me sometimes he never answered sometimes he made me wait a few years for an answer sometimes he answered me tell us now looking back what was the answer of Hashem I think we should summarize this amazing conversation with this challenging question but it's all about Hashem the goal of this program of let's talk to Achilles to make people believe more manage more of the issues be part of Yiddish Kite love Hashem, love Yiddish Kite and to hear such a traumatic story and dramatic story has to end with a very positive and I know you're a very positive person you're always there to help people and to encourage people to empower people writing is a super coach without being a certified coach and a super social worker without being certified so we have to conclude this interview with a very strong message tell us how is Hashem's goodness in this I'm sorry if it's too challenging the question but I'm throwing it at you anyway let me first thank you for the kind words appreciate it and I do have a question for you though since you are a coach I do have a question before we end this conversation should we do it off the air we'll do it here let everybody pitch in if they want to help me out everyone to please join us send us your email on email you comment your suggestions your observations how you felt about this program and I promise you Mr. Shapiro will be invited again he has a lot to say obviously as you can see but before you ask me my question don't run away don't hide I'm gonna ask you the question first because I want everybody to answer the question it still bothers me why is it when Hashem gives you a lot of good things I have a family of kids but Hashem healthy they're getting married, grandkids they go to Yeshiva, they learn well a lot of good things happening in a person's life you're healthy, you're walking out to a feed you have a wife, you have a spouse why is it that when you have one little challenge I'm gonna say a little because I just want to minimize it you have a small challenge and that pulls you down to a point where you cannot even concentrate on all the good things in life that's the question that I have you want me to answer? I want you to answer and then I'll tell you what my 20 friend who was 16 or 17 years younger he answered me very very simple can you give me his business card after this absolutely yes so I think that number one it's instinct, it's human instinct to expect the good and think that I deserve it and life is good when good comes my way I don't even stop for a minute and pay attention to that wow good came my way and when bad comes my way you get angry why what happened? it's supposed to be smooth it's supposed to go on the road without bumps, without problems why is this happening really lately I heard a very nice concept that our challenges in life are a tool to remind us and bring us closer to Hashem they're not here to distance us from Hashem they'd say oh one minute there's a manager there's a controller someone is sitting in the watch tower and now he wants to communicate with me hey haven't heard from you for a while here's a little tidbit going your way oh wake up, talk to me communicate, discuss cry to me dove to me we'll take care of it for you so I liked it very much because the good we take for granted unfortunately so sometimes Hashem should never test any of us with very big challenges my mother-in-law says in Yiddish by heat may God fengroi sitzures I want to throw my little challenges here and there don't stand with it don't give me big stuff however I think that's the reason why people take good one way and they take challenges another way and maybe we have the strength to believe that this is the reason Hashem brings us the challenges but I definitely want to hear your inspiring answer I'm sure it's going to be better you took it more like a spiritual answer as opposed to a the question was really a physical answer I was looking for and that guy asked me that you probably know any CEO of multi-billion dollar corporation if he has an ingrown toenail he would call the secretary today no messages cancel my meetings now why ingrown toenail is like so far down our body like all the way down there it's hidden underneath a sock and a shoe and now he stops little tiny little piece of nail growing into your skin that's what the world is all about and doesn't have a reason so all we have to do is find the good part and write on it what a powerful message so that was kind of interesting to us that's amazing so I want to thank you so much for being here today I'm sure our audience and listeners will really grow and learn and get inspired and empowered from your amazing way of taking the challenges Hashem through at you and your family and as I promised we'll bring you back for many different things and I'm going to share a little secret that my friend Yasush Loim has a separate file in his brain for the outcome that happens to people if Hashem is embarrassed and insulted and hurt other people and he has a collection of real true life stories of how dangerous and not good it is to speak and be disrespectful to our friends and our spouses and our children and Hashem Loim where it can go this will be also one very entertaining separate podcast but for now thank you so much for watching the Let's Talk Tachles podcast we appreciate it and we invite your input have a great day thank you very much it was nice to be here and the reason I had ASIC Child has a story as well