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So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Remember, there's no finer cigarette than luckie strike. Sixth day, well, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on Muggan. The Lucky Strike program, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, as you may know, this is National Pickle Week. We'd like to honor the occasion, but since we can't bring you a pickle, we bring you a man who's a barrel of fun, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, you certainly went a long way for that introduction, didn't you? No, I didn't, Jack. This really is National Pickle Week. Well, dilly, dilly. Jack, a pickle's nothing to laugh at. Our first joke proved your point. But as long as it is National Pickle Week, I want to say congratulations to all the mama pickles, papa pickles, and all the little boys and gherkins. Now, Don, let's get on with the... Hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. I'm glad you got over your cold. We missed you last week. Well, thanks. What are you and Don talking about? What are we talking about? You mean you haven't heard? Heard what? All over the country, flags are flying, parades are forming, and you don't know? Know what? Mary, this is National Pickle Week. Pickle? Yeah, that's a cucumber that had its option picked up by Heinz. You know, Don's right, I am a barrel of fun, isn't I? For this, I had to get well. Well, you can thank me, Mary, for sending my doctor over to take care of you. Oh, fine. Some doctor. What are you talking about? He's an excellent physician. Yeah, but boy, is he nearsighted. Huh? As he came into the house, I thought I'd save a little time. So when he walked over to me, I stuck out my tongue, and he hung his hat on it. Hung his hat on your tongue? Then he walked over the clothes rack and said, Don't stand there in the corner with three coats on if you're cold, get in bed. Gee, I didn't know he was that nearsighted. He can't hear either. The doctor can't hear? I said goodbye to him four days ago, and he's still there. Oh, well anyway, Mary, you're back on the program, and that's all that matters, because tonight we're going to do a very important sketch. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? I drove you down to the studio of my cab, didn't I? Yes, yes, you did. The fare was $1.95, and I paid you. Well, I've been thinking about the tip. The tip? What about it? Look, I know this is National Pickle Week, but I'd rather have money. You'll keep what I gave you. Goodbye. We've got a lot of nerve breaking in on my program with those silly jokes. Wait a minute, Jackson, don't get mad at the cab driver. He deserves a lot of credit. The guy comes in here without a script and gets a laugh. So what? Well, that's the way we'll all have to do on television. No scripts, no nothing. We'll have to add lib our way. Well, I won't have any trouble. I'm a barrel of fun. I don't care if you're a barrel of bourbon. Sit down and learn stuff. Oh, yes, you do. Not unless you're 100 proof. Now, look, I'll show you how television's going to be, Jackson. Hey, Liv, he asked me. He asked me what I did yesterday. Okay, Phil, what'd you do yesterday? I played golf. See, it's easy. Well, Phil, what's funny about that? Don't rush me. Now, come on, Liv, ask me what happened on the first tee. Okay, what happened on the first tee? I drove off and hit Walder pigeon. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Phil, look, Phil, what's funny about hitting Walder pigeon? Well, don't you get it? On my first shot, I got a birdie. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Phil, Phil, you're going to do a corny routine like that on television? Well, that's the idea. Jackson, Milton, Burl and Steeler get thrown off of television and then there's a chance for us. Well, I hope he steals our first three pages. It'll give them a running start. I think Milton is very clever. Oh, he is, eh? Libby's right, Jackson. Milton is a burl of fun. Oh, Harris, you like a car without brakes? Ain't no stopping you. Uh, don't worry, folks. He'll be normal in a couple of days. Yolkham's moon will soon be over. Now, look, kids, I started to tell you that we have a very important sketch to do tonight. Well, hello, Mr. Benny. Well, hello, Dennis. What's that you're eating? A pickle. A pickle? Yeah, cab driver gave it to me and changed. Oh, well, how? How come you took a cab from home? Oh, I didn't come from home. I came from the airport. Oh, Dennis, have you been away? Oh, no. A friend of mine is learning to fly and when he got through with his lesson, I put on a parachute and he took me for a ride. Dennis, your friend is just learning to fly and you went for a ride with him? Uh-huh. Weren't you afraid? Afraid of what? We were riding in his car. Now, wait a minute. Look, kid, if you were riding in a car, why did you wear a parachute? In case he went up on a grease rack. Well, I asked a question, he gave me an answer and it wasn't bad for this late in the season. Imagine going up on a grease rack. You know, Dennis, you're silly, but you're cute. Eh, you dames are all alike. What? You go nuts about men who live dangerously. Dennis. Kiss me, Liv. Well, of all the... That kid gets sillier every program by the time we go off the air. Mary! Mary! Mary! Mary, why'd you do that to Dennis? He asked for a kiss, so I gave it to him. And it wasn't bad for this late in the season. All right, now look, Dennis, we've got a very important sketch to do tonight. So sing your song now. I'm a nervous wreck, but I'll try. Okay. Life of Dennis Day called Mary, sung by Dennis Day. And very good, Dennis. And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight for our feature attraction, our own original story based on those two great fight pictures, the champion and the setup. In this thrilling story of the squared circle, I'm going to play the part of... Uh-oh. What's the matter, Jack? The scripts. Mary, would you go to my dressing room and see if Rochester got the scripts for the play? Okay, I'll be right back. I want to know if the scripts are ready. Yes, here they are. I was just reading them. Thanks for Mr. Benny to be a prize fighter. After all, he does have a nice physique. Miss Livingston, you see him with his clothes on. I undress him. It's like eating an artichoke. You keep taking things... Cooper did that. We have our own system. Would you like to see how it works? Yes. Okay. I'll take some numbers from this telephone book. I'll start with this one. Act Me Radio Survey is your favorite comedian. Now, kids, when we do this play, I want everybody to... I'll get it. Act Me Radio Survey? Yes, he is. Yes, I listen to him all the time. And now, kids, let me stop looking at him. Truman voted for himself, too. Now, kids, you've all got your scripts, so let's get started with the play. Jack, what about the sportsman quartet? Aren't they going to do a number? They did that while you were out. Oh, gee whiz. What's the matter? Well, you said it was very clever and you wanted me to hear it. Well, Mary, we've already done it, but I'll tell you what it was about. You see, next Sunday is our last broadcast of the season, and the quartet is going to spend the summer making personal appearances in Honolulu. So I asked Don what kind of songs are they going to do over there? And Don said... The boys are going to do songs like Aloha, Sweet Lelani, and Hawaiian Warchant. Then I said, Don, I don't know how Hawaiian Warchant goes. And then Don said... I'll have the boys do it for you now. So I said, would you Don? And Don said... Sure, Jack. Take it, fellas! And when Don said... Take it, fellas. The quartet sang... Awe! Ta! Ahu! Awe! Yeah, yeah. Ta! Wa! Ata! Wa! A lucky strike! A huwele, a pelicola, one-way line! Pu! A dupe, a blue one, firm and fully packed! Ta! A wana, easy on the draw! Ta! Wa! Ata! Ata! A la-sam! A huwele, a pelicola, and a tee! Pu! A dupe, a echo, a refined tobacco, Honolipa, smoke a lucky strike! Wee! Ya, ya, ya, ya! Smoke a lucky strike! Our first choice! A huwele, a huwele! O-S-M-F-T! Quality of product is essential To continuing success! Luckies are made of the fine Of that light tobacco we confess! L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S! That's the only cigarette That you can sell to me! L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S! Lucky strike! Oh, L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S-L-S! Lucky strike! They never failed! For this late in the season. You said it. And now for our play. Let's go down. Ladies and gentlemen, For our feature attraction tonight, We present a thrilling, dramatic story Of the prize ring, entitled The Champion Set Up! Curtain Music! We've been in Los Angeles in a few days. I hear it's a great place. Look out, here comes a car. You boys want to lift? Bit of the back seat, boy. Hey, that's a beautiful car. What kind is it? It's a Cadillac. I thought it was a Buick. Look at all those holes on the side. We got those in an argument With a sheriff in El Paso. Ah. How far you boys gone? All the way to Los Angeles. Los Angeles, eh? I got an aunt who lives in a suburb of Los Angeles. Glendale? No, Tahatchopee. By the way, Miss, Your boyfriend doesn't seem very talkative. He talks with his fists. He's slugger brown, The middleweight champ of the world. Yeah. We can only take you boys as far as Omaha. Slugger's fighting there tonight. Yeah. You really slugger brown? Yeah. And you're the middleweight champ? Yeah. You're fighting tonight in Omaha? Yeah. And this is the title fight? Yeah. 36 years later, we arrive in Los Angeles, And I want to see the foremost fight manager in town. With my chest, I'm said. That reminds me, I'm having spare ribs for dinner. Don't be funny, Mr. O'Brien. I mean, I look so good now, But you give me two or three months of training, I'll be a champion someday. Do you hear? A champion. Now, wait a minute, son. Fighting is a tough game. I used to be a fighter myself, And I'll never forget my last bout. It was with Killer Nelson. I tried to slug it out with him for the first three rounds, And then I decided I'd better stay away from him, So I got on my bicycle. But he finally got me. What happened? My trunks got caught in the chain. And you didn't swin the fight. Send three. Now look, Mr. O'Brien, I want to be a fighter. Will you handle me? All right, kid. I'll be your manager. Go over to the gym and let my trainer, Punchy McNeil, get you in condition. Bubbles and I went over to the... Excuse me, Mr. But I'm looking for Punchy McNeil. Yeah, that's me. Well, I'm Midge Benny. I'm pleased to know you. Look, Punchy, I'm trying to be a fighter. Mr. O'Brien wants you to handle me. Okay, but you ought to think it over. Fighting is a tough racket. Yeah, I should know Because I used to be a fighter myself. First fight back in 1932. Gosh. Yeah, I spent 12 years in the ring. 12 years? Yeah, but I finally came, too, Got up and went home. Well, look, Punchy, I want to... Hey, wait a minute. I didn't finish my story. Oh, there's more? Yeah. What? Oh, well, tell me, Punchy. Were you always a fighter? Oh, no. I used to be a musician With Guy Lombardo's band. Go on. You were never with Lombardo. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes, I was. A little flat on that last... Come on, Midge. Let's start training. Two weeks later, I won my first fight. A week later, my second and my third. Well, Midge, how you doing? Hello, baby. How's about a date tonight After I knock out the champ? I've got news for you, Midge. You're not knocking out anybody. You're throwing the fight. Are you kidding? You don't believe me. Here's your manager. Ask him. Oh, Brian, are you crazy? Would I fight for two years And tank sounds for this? Would I spend two years Getting my brains knocked out Just so I could take a dive? Would I work my way up To the title bar Just to throw the fight? Would I? Would I? Why don't you turn the page And find out? The men are in the center Of the ring Receiving their instructions They go back to their corners Waiting for the bell And there it is, round one. Slugger comes out of his corner And starts mixing furiously. Midge meets him Like a wildcat with a right And a left And now for a few words From our sponsor. Look sharp, Feel sharp, Be sharp. Use a wherever grindstone And sharpen your silly face off. That was an exciting round. Midge's eye is tightly closed. Now we're waiting for the bell For the second round. There's the bell. The boys come out And circle each other. They're still circling each other. We circle each other three times. Hey, bud. Fool me? Yeah. Come here a minute. What is it? What round are you going to take a dive in? The fifth. Uh-uh. Make it the third. The third why? My feet are killing me. I'm in here to win, so start mixing it. Well, okay. It's your nose. Oh! Cross and Midge. Benny is down. Yes, I was down. The referee is counting over him. Yes, the referee was counting over him. The count is up to five. Yes. Midge is rolling over on his back. Yes. Why don't you shut up? Why don't I shut up? Look out. Here comes a car. Hey, you boys want to lift? Oh, no. We're not going through that again. In a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts, and lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes, it takes fine tobacco to make a fine smoke, and in each and every lucky strike, in every pack, in every carton, there's fine light, naturally mild tobacco. Tobacco that makes lucky strike a truly finer cigarette. No doubt about it. LSMFT. LSMFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Tobacco that gives you all the real, deep-down smoking enjoyment you expect and deserve in your cigarette. No wonder a recent survey reveals that more independent tobacco experts, men who spend their lives buying, selling, and handling tobacco, smoke a lucky strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. So, next time you're up at the cigarette counter, remember, there is no finer cigarette than lucky strike. Yes, for a finer smoke, smoke a finer cigarette. Lucky strike, buy a carton today. Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time, one week. I'll get it. Hello? Mr. Benny. Speaking. I am the president of the Pasadena Pickle Factory, and I want to thank you for saving me 200 gallons of vinegar. I saved you 200 gallons of vinegar? Yeah. Thank you for your program, son. He had our cucumbers next to the radio, and they all turned sour. Well, good. Good. No, but it ain't bad for this late in the season. Goodbye. Goodbye. In the life of Dennis Day. Stay tuned for the Amos and Andy Shaw which follows immediately. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.