 At this point I don't think it's any secret that James Charles has some anger issues and in this video we're going to uncover some of the reasons why which might help him as well as you. What is up everybody this is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is pull different topics from the YouTube community to try to teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well-being. So if you're into that stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and I have so so so much exciting news for you today. Some of you have been waiting well over a month for the audio version of Rewire Your Anger and it is now here. Alright so it is narrated by me and it is available now it is only $7.99 and you also get a copy of the e-book as well because there's some links and some exercises in there that you might want to follow along with so you get both copies for $7.99 link is down in the description below and I'm working on getting it up on Audible as well. I'll know in about one to two weeks if they approve it but for right now you can either stream it or download the MP3 from the link down below alright so if you're struggling with some anger issues ooh girl you better get this book alright so yeah in this video we're going to be talking about James Charles and his anger issues in honor of the audio version of Rewire Your Anger being released alright but before I get started it's very important to understand this video is not for James Charles this video is for you so while I'm using James Charles as the context I want you to see if you can relate and how some of these anger management tips might be able to help you but that's not all so in this video I'm actually going to break down some different incidents with James Charles to discuss the three core foundations of the book alright so basically the way I designed this book is I give a bunch of anger management tools in there but there's three core foundations to always go back to because for a lot of us we think we get angry for all sorts of different reasons but if we can remember three things we can typically manage our anger a little bit better alright so here is foundation number one. This first foundation is by far the most important this isn't just important for managing anger either but for mental health as a whole we must always remember that it's a lot easier to fix ourselves than it is to fix others. Now this doesn't mean we need to allow toxic people in our lives but we'll come back to that later. What this means is that we have a false idea that we can control and change people. I don't know if this is ego or what but it's kind of crazy if you think about it. I wasted so much time and energy just wishing other people would change if my boss would just be nicer if my friend would have just done this for me if my parents were proud of me then I would be okay this is not a healthy way to live. So yeah in the context of James Charles like the dude is constantly getting angry we constantly seeing him going off you know on Twitter and all these other things like I I actually just thought it was pretty funny because in one of his most recent tweets he's like I know I haven't been involved in drama in a while and I'm like sister you've been involved in it quite a bit you know like it is something like every other week with this dude but the most important thing that all of us have to do is realize realize that it is a lot easier to fix us than it is to fix the rest of the world alright we spend so much time and energy just wanting people to be different than what they are okay and you know when it comes to myself as a YouTuber or for you it might be your co-workers your friends your family or whatever like if you sit around waiting for them to change you are going to be waiting waiting a long time if not forever because that day may never come alright the only the only thing that we have control over is how much effort we put into ourselves and our own mental health okay so something that we start to realize is that when we're working on ourselves the rest of the world doesn't bother us as much like if I put most of my energy into worrying about how I respond to the world rather than how the world is treating me my mental health and my anger issues get a whole lot better so this is why this is the first foundation where we have to remember on a daily basis that's a lot easier for us to fix us than it is to fix the rest of the world and now foundation number two so what the heck do I mean by managing expectations well first let's all take a second to acknowledge that we're all major control freaks how often do we think these things like if everyone just did what I thought they should do everyone would be satisfied including myself life would be amazing if everyone just did exactly what I thought they should do this world would be a much better place this world would be a much better place if people would think and act the way that I think they should because I know what's best what's crazy is that I often discuss this in groups of 60 to 70 people and I ask by show of hands how many of you can relate to this typically you see about 75 percent of the hands go up and I always assume another 20 percent aren't raising their hand because they're either a full of crap or b didn't hear the question but think about this for a second if I think the world would be great if everybody did what I thought they should do and if you think the world would be great if everybody did what you thought they should do you and I are automatically bumping heads as I stayed in the book like this is the most important thing this is the most important thing and when working with clients this is something I drill into their heads because it was drilled into my head okay we need to manage our expectations of others all right so James Charles what we're gonna find when I get to foundation number three is that hit a lot of this anger comes from insecurities right and people talking bad about us and all this well like when it comes to releasing a product or even releasing a video we have to manage our expectations so what are the expectations that we have is that everybody's gonna love it okay like the way I manage my expectations is that I know I know that not everybody's gonna like me I know not everybody's gonna like what I do here on my channel I know these things these are a fact if my expectation is ever that everybody's gonna like me then I am setting myself up to fail right but in more of a wider context you know like James Charles um you know he might have expectations like a fan should be this way right people who review my makeup should be this way he people who review my music should be this way but for you it might be a mother should act like this a father should act like that you know a boyfriend should act like this or a girlfriend should act like that or a friend should be this like every time we say the word should we know that that is an expectation like why do we expect so much out of so many other people one of the things that I talk about in the book is when I started writing this these things down and what I think everybody should be and should do I started looking at these expectations of other people and I'm like oh my god I can't even live up to these expectations so why am I putting these expectations on other people right so for example I would write down a good friend would should never lie to me right but then I looked at myself and I'm like I like it friends you know what I mean or you know it was like a good father should be like this but when I was first working on my mental health and in a bad place I wasn't being the best father to my son you know so while it doesn't excuse the behavior of other people we have to recognize that we're doing a lot of the things that we don't even like and going back to the first foundation it's a lot easier for us to fix us than it is to fix the rest of the world so when I started working on myself and improving myself my expectations of others started to change because rather than expecting people places and situations to be a certain way I started accepting them just the way they are all right and accepting people it's really starting to improve my mental health because things weren't affecting me nearly as much foundation number three is all about how anger is based in fear foundation three anger is fear what if I told you that all of your anger was based on fear when someone told me this it made me pretty angry it was taught to me that all of our anger is fear-based and that sounded crazy because I'm a tough guy who has been through some stuff I thought that I wasn't afraid of anything so it was ridiculous to think that my anger was based around fear the reality was that you me and everyone else who is struggling with anger is dealing with a lot of fear as I mentioned earlier in this book we think our anger is for an endless amount of reasons but it's not once we get down to some of the root triggers we can also get down to the root fears a great example is my relationship with my mother and all of the anger that I had towards her that's right anger is fear-based so I was actually going to originally make this video um like a week or two ago about Jeffrey star when he went off on twitter on some people but I I think you know and there's some great examples with James Charles but maybe I'll do one about Jeffrey star too to give me some more examples about how anger is actually rooted in fear and like I said in the book like like I when when uh you know my mentor told me this I'm like you're crazy I ain't afraid of nothing right so for example when you look at someone like you know James Charles or Jeffrey star you're like this is this is a strong confident person you know but so many of us are angry based on fears so what I wanted to do is break down three different situations where James Charles has gone off publicly online gotten angry and how this might be rooted in fears all right so first there's the snapchat incident where people were critiquing his rendition of god as a woman like if you don't want to listen to me saying don't watch the video like your comments about it are so unnecessary and so rude and I like what's the point I posted the ending of my videos today on my actual snapchat or on my Instagram to promote the video to my Instagram followers and I checked back a few hours later because I was filming and all the comments on it were so nasty so rude and they all had thousands and thousands of thumbs up too so based on that rant the fears that I would write down personally are fear of not being good enough and fear of being disrespected all right so think about that real quick when people are critiquing something that we do and we get angry about it is that really from a fear of not being good enough or people disrespecting us right the work that we put in the effort that we put in you know disrespecting our craft we're not being good enough at our craft you see what I'm saying like I've noticed that the comments that make me the most angry and you see a lot of youtubers talk about this is that it seems like the comments that really get under your skin are the ones that are based on things that you might actually believe about yourself as well then there was the Marlene Estelle Netflix incident all right so those of you who don't know what that was so Marlene Estelle you know was talking about how she's in negotiations with Netflix to do Netflix to do like a behind the scenes beauty industry type documentary and James Charles lost it on online right there was a lot of envy going on why not me why not me if you want the you know real stuff like come to me right so what fears might this be based off of right fear of not being good enough and fear of not being noticed okay like these are things that a lot of us struggle with like think about at work think about when you get angry at your boss right you've put in all this work all this effort right and then someone else gets the raise or someone else gets the attention or someone else gets the promotion right is that base is that anger based in the fear of not being noticed is that anger based in a fear of not being good enough and most recently is the situation with Reuben and those of you who haven't watched anything about the situation this is like soul crushing so Reuben is a 13 year old boy who is trying to become a makeup artist and grow and you know be be another James Charles and it absolutely broke my heart seeing how James Charles was going off on this kid who looks up to him right so let's talk about foundation number two is James Charles expecting too much of a child is he expecting a kid to be like an adult right and especially when we look at our expectations going back to what I was talking about James Charles has done a lot of things that he doesn't like about Reuben and James Charles is almost 10 years older than this kid all right is all this stuff starting to make sense so basically if you don't know what happened Reuben and his friend did a review of James Charles makeup palette all right and James Charles didn't like it and if you go watch some of the you know drama channels on this situation like tea spill or Dustin Dailey or anything like that like you'll you'll notice like this kid didn't even say anything bad right it was not even that bad well anyways then James Charles didn't want to invite Reuben to his meet and greet in the UK but apparently Reuben didn't hear or whatever and he showed up anyways and then Reuben like you know he recorded a thing of like security helping him out and he was being noticed and James Charles lost it he accused this kid of saying that the event was for him and all these other things and in my personal opinion I think the kid was just excited he was excited that people actually noticed him then security helped him out because he's a freaking child and probably needs some backup so think about how James Charles got angry at this kid but why did he get angry was it rooted in fear possibly again fear of not being good enough and fear of being disrespected so think about that so looking at the makeup palette review that Reuben and his friend did like is James Charles anger from that unfollowing this kid getting mad at other people for negative reviews doesn't really come from a fear of not being good enough all right and then in James perspective of Reuben showing up to his meet and greet after James did not invite him to the meet and greet or said he was uninvited to the meet and greet fear of being disrespected so you'll start to see patterns with yourself as you work on these things like some like the things that I noticed that kind came up a lot a lot a lot one of the biggest ones was fear of being disrespected or fear of being talked down to or fear of being treated like I'm dumb right fear of being lied to which also falls into fear of being disrespected I also found a lot of fear of not being loved fear of being abandoned so I found that all of my anger issues were based on these fears which is great because when we go back to foundation number one again it's a lot easier for us to fix us than it is to fix the rest of the world so if I can discover how my anger is actually rooted in fears now I don't got to worry about fixing everybody else now I can simply work on overcoming my fears and once I do that life gets a lot easier all right so again remember this video is not for James Charles if you see this James sister I will send you a free copy all right but if you would like to learn more about how to manage your anger again check out the link down in the description below it's also in the pinned comment the audio version of rewire your anger is now out narrated by yours truly so go ahead and check it out the book um is only about 70 pages the audio version is only about an hour and 20 minutes so it's a very very very short read and it'll give you a lot of useful tools all right so if you can relate to this video make sure you get yourself a copy all right but anyways that's all I got for this video if you like this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos and a huge huge thank you to everybody for supporting the channel over on patreon you are all amazing and don't forget everybody who is at the $20 tier and up you get a free copy of all my books and I just uploaded the audio book over on patreon all right if you want to become a patron click the top right there thanks again for watching I'll see you next time