 Why is dating and like dating women and feeling desired by women always like seem like it's the biggest problem for Asian guys Yeah, I mean, it's probably the most primal natural thing for us to reproduce and want to reproduce and if we don't feel like the Like the mate is having that same desire for us, then it feels very bad Yeah, sure for here's the list of things that your Chinese parents might have never taught you So how many of them do you know? Yeah? We got to talk about it because I came across two viral articles on the internet from people Basically, we're talking about I had unsatisfactory results. I'm not trying to blame my parents But here's the things I wish they would have taught me or made me aware of that They did not joining us for this discussion today is a model activist entrepreneur homie. Jack me ain't yeah What up David good to see you guys love to be here love sharing my insight. Let's keep it real man I appreciate you always letting your shorter friend get a crack at the man. I gotta look out for the bros Yeah, um Andrew first off. Let's analyze the first post is basically a guy who was saying, you know I'm telling you growing up. It sucked being a ABC guy because I was growing up in an all-white class room People would you know thought I was different being an Asian Christian wasn't very fun either because it made you think that you should belong in America But then you don't then your parents tell you to not go into sports if they do tell you to go into sports You're like playing badminton or tennis They don't tell you to go into the arts if you do go into the arts you're going into orchestra and overall It just made me like feel not cool. My dating my life was like super far behind my career Even though I got good grades and I wish my Asian parents or Chinese parents would have just taught me differently Yeah, so I think basically this is a common sentiment that I I know that happens a lot especially on the internet especially from guys who even went to a good college and got a good job, but They never felt like that they were coached properly to handle the dynamics of America because they're at home getting taught one way of life One philosophy and then they're going out in the world and realizing like ooh That doesn't actually play in this world right and that's not actually how you live a good life in America So I'm sure that essentially these guys are unhappy But also I think a lot of these guys have high expectations not to their fault, but they oftentimes do right I mean, I guess you get high grades You get high academic accolades You expect the other aspects of your life to operate or function or execute at a high level to yeah Why do you think so many of these guys writing these posts and I got another one after this or maybe like around 30 I think they put in a lot of work and they were told to work hard in school Put the work in study and then once they're about 30 years old They realize that this is not true like all the happiness and joy fulfillment and love that they wanted It's not actually coming to fruition. So you kind of saying like when you're maybe like 1820 You're just so focused on working that you're just like it's all good. It's supposed to be this way It's supposed to be miserable. I'm supposed to not have any friends I'm supposed to not get love from girls and then the struggle the hustle Yeah, right. Yeah, you're putting your head down and grinding and then you're supposed to reap all these rewards But then at the time that everyone else is supposed to be reaping the rewards. You're like wait, where's my yeah And by the way, we're not saying that every Chinese American guy that's like 30 to 40 years old feels this way But it might be a larger amount than you think just based off the post right Oh, I'm not saying all Chinese guys aren't happy But I think a lot of Asian guys in general not just Chinese can empathize with this sentiment on some level I think Chinese the most though. I mean, I'll get into that later I really think that like every Asian group has a different distribution of this feeling even though this feeling is possible Of course, anyway, what's the second article because this one's from an interesting. Yeah So the first article was from a guy who's a ABC just like I was like born in America, right? This other one was from a Chinese guy who was born in China came from Shanxi at seven years old Which is northern China and then basically he went to an Ivy League institution got into a lucrative career But still wrote this warning post to all Chinese parents that were thinking about bringing their kids to America saying hey man You can do it, but I think there are maybe a couple things that you're not considering and he listed them out He said listen, there are going to be permanent cultural barriers Your son will have a lifelong treatment as being a second-class citizen And it's going to be very difficult if not possible impossible to enter super lucrative business circles due to their race and not fitting in Yeah, I feel that I think I see a lot of suffering in the in the Chinese community specifically Yeah, and it's not the conventional type of suffering, right? It's suffering from disappointment disappointment Yeah, and I want to point out that when people say like oh, I feel like a second-class citizen I think it's important to like kind of specify what you mean because I think that sounds like really horrible to some people But I'm like really what does it mean you kind of feel like a perpetual foreigner Yeah, and that's why you can't get in certain business circles It's hard to network because culturally you're different just like going to golf with your boss that your white boss in the sunday I think honestly intellectually it might be easier if people did have the decimal system to categorize as a 1.5 or 1.75 citizen because second-class citizen might seem you know from from people Yeah, um he said yeah, for example Chinese men in particular are extra hated Whereas Chinese women are more popular though even amongst the Chinese women that date whites only a portion of them Will be fully respected to reap the awards of the dominant class, but for men It is almost impossible entirely off the jump. So let me get this straight. He is writing this this essay He brought this in Chinese writing it in Chinese for the Chinese internet for Chinese parents Who are thinking about moving to America? And he's just for warning them of some of the things they might run into so he's like saying Hey, even if your daughter or son can date into the dominant world Which is usually white right in America that that doesn't even guarantee them respect anyway It doesn't guarantee them I guess get into the circles where like everything life flows like more quickly or more. Yeah, they're just not as easily accepted Yeah, he also said that I a lot of Chinese parents when they're in China Disguiding to move their kid over they take a look at the corruption and the pollution levels and how ultra competitive China is and they look At America as like a perfect land and he said while those things are all true that America has a lot of nice things simply Chinese have a lot of struggle fitting in right So he's saying even though it's true that America has way less pollution and way less corruption on a governmental level That doesn't necessarily mean all the great things in America. Your kid will have access to the right So just as much that America is the land of opportunity and it is the beautiful country may go alright Like that's what we call it in Chinese So as beautiful as it is it doesn't mean that your child automatically is gonna have access to all of it now It's true. America is the land of opportunity where they probably have a better shot Technically right because at least that I guess that environment theoretically exists right right right exist But yeah, it does not mean that even if they work very hard that they will have access of course So he basically said of the four major races in America based off their behaviors Asia men will still have the most difficult social journey regardless. I agree with that I mean we see data from the dating apps that show that and I think a lot of it has to do with girls Yeah, I think that that's what he was referring to a lot because obviously this guy achieved entrance into an Ivy League University Into a lucrative career, but he's still with all that being said he had technically achieved the dream He's still cautioning the parents. Hey think about it. I don't know if it was worth it I want to talk about this because I think a lot of people tend to say okay guys when it comes to Asian guys and dating Just calm down. It's not that bad like why is dating and like dating women and feeling desired by women always like Seem like it's the biggest problem for Asian guys like can we quickly address this why? Maybe feeling desired by women is very important. You know, yeah I mean, it's probably the most primal natural thing for us to reproduce and want to reproduce and if we don't feel like the Opposite like the mate is having that same desire for us then it feels very bad Yeah, sure for sure. I would also add on to this I do think for Asian men in America when they hear or feel like that even A portion of Asian women don't like them and then non Asian men can use that as feel to also Disrespect Asian men because they're like, oh well your own women don't even like you, you know, and that can hurt that Conversations guys that a lot of people do not like having they don't like having it, but it's real is reality So I guess how much do we agree with these two posts? One was from a ABC one was from a fob guy. Like I said, I'm not saying everybody feels this way But I think a larger portion than people would let on feel this way I would agree. I would essentially Agree with it with the caveat of like not everybody's situation is fully the same It depends on how you look how tall you are how much you fit in Did you have a good white friend or a black friend that made your Latino friend that made you feel more a part of a niche community? Do you know what I'm saying like yeah, but essentially I could see where they're going with it Yeah, I mean, I think if you're a sociable funny interesting Dude that maybe isn't even that tall or good looking you have a good shot here But it is true that if you have life you check none of the boxes. I'm not gonna lie It is gonna be tough especially as a foreigner. Yeah, I think you need some Riz as they say You can try to raise your way out of this, but some situations you do whatever you're born into or how you look There is no there is no How do you get the Riz? Let's say Riz is the solution How do you get it from your parents and if your parents don't teach you right? This leads to the next Both these posts from the ABC and the fob guy They're sort of like assuming that people want to enter a high white society Because you know me and you especially you we grew up in more like minority or like people of color neighborhoods You know what I mean like urban neighborhoods It really was different fully because instead of trying to be white It's almost like kids want to be be more be more black or Hispanic Yeah, to be honest that that's a whole another thing that I don't think either of these posts are considered Has it changed in six years to like the way the guy was saying it six years ago I could see it being more true than it is now. It has changed. I think there is more Asians in media It's getting a little bit better. I think it also depends on where you move. Let's be honest, man I mean, yeah If you are able if your parents are able to make it in New York and like live in New York Then technically you have all the opportunities in like New York LA these big market cities But if you move and your parents move to like Second-tier third-tier city in Texas or over something like that Yeah, like Midwest not that there's anything wrong with that But it is a tougher environment for you to feel except I think one of the the big macro truths is America's becoming so diverse now It's like you said it matters what state you move to what city you move to and then what neighborhood within that city You move to a lot of things are really conditional and your mileage may vary. Let's get into the comments section Somebody said in terms of lacking job promotions, especially in the leadership sector a lot of Asians are not doing the network or showing their leadership Charisma probably because their parents never taught them and that kind of gets back to the the core of this video Do you think that's true or is it more of the macro racism? No, it's true I mean the parents definitely have a big responsibility to teach their kids how to be social how to be liked how to have Vulnerable conversations, but those are not Chinese things to know. They're not Chinese If the parents don't know and let's just say like I don't know like if our parents like I wouldn't say like my parents are you know They speak English so obviously they're somewhat socialized But they're not like the most care Matt charismatic leaders and most like, you know organized people either So I guess like they're kind of limiting what they can teach you right, right? Absolutely I mean the thing is we can't blame our parents It's it's very easy to blame them But if we look at their situation, it's like they weren't given that many cards or or blessings to right? Like so it's our our responsibility go seek out teachers and masters and courses and books to be like, okay What are they doing that? I'm doing wrong. Yeah, that's true You got to fill in the blind spots and like you said, I think a lot of Chinese culture specifically Like I said, we could make overarching statements about Asian culture But today's video is more specifically about Chinese other Asians may or may not relate I think a lot of Chinese culture if you look through the dynastic system and all the tumultuous revolutions and histories, it's almost like more focused on Preventing downward mobility than it is coaching the kids to have upward mobility And if you want to move upwards in your company to enter that like C-suite or the partner level You do need the leadership in the charisma essentially things that you would might receive zero training on that in the home environment Dude, I'll tell you this man True charisma that you can use that's calibrated for like leadership positions in a Western It takes a lot of time and and you got to get a lot of reps And so what I would recommend is maybe a small solution is like having your kid or you if you're a kid right now Joining certain groups where it gives you Repetition gives you a chance to be a leader It doesn't have to be the track team and doesn't have to be the basketball team Although those are great ways to do it But it could be just like your little group squad or where the club at school or something like that Let's be honest There's a lot more opportunities now in 2023 to replicate some sort of like good training system then 10 years ago And the 10 years ago was better than 20 was better than 30 years ago I'm so I like your point though Jack about saying not blaming the parents definitely You know, I blame my parents a lot, you know, they don't speak English They didn't really pay for my college and then as I as I got older I was like, huh these these people they did the best they can they're still working They're teaching me what they think is best for me But obviously what they think is best for me is not actually best for me, right? That's a good point and that's okay to acknowledge that Yeah, as long as the heart is there, you know, but it's just like I just don't like it when people either like They either resent their parents or they overly listen to their parents and like you said your parents advice as well intention It could be outmoded or just completely not right for the circumstances, right? They don't understand somebody said the USA the one thing a lot of Asian parents don't understand Is the USA is actually a great country for having low education or low technical skills It's not like Asia. We're pretty much like you need the degree in Broadcasting to become a broadcaster America's always had some sense of like being entrepreneurial and like finding a new path to achieving So I agree with that. I see a lot of people who aren't really highly educated, but they still make a decent living Yeah, and I think living depending on their risk tolerance, right there I'm gonna be honest. I think the people who wrote these articles They come from families that might have even came with college degrees from China and they're doing something brainy like in STEM These kids super brain now. Here's the thing They sometimes feel the worst because they know their parents are technically educated But they can't teach them the ways to be successful in America Which as we know in America you do not have to be formally educated And you don't have to be brainy in order to be I think sometimes the merchant Entrepreneur kids have a better time in America than people to be honest in from our background where the parents or one parent is like hyper-educated sticking to the Confucian dynastic National exam, you know, eunuch scholastic system. Yeah, America don't work like that America is almost the furthest country from that even though there's some Lanes in America that may mimic it Chinese kids that I know that are still like Fabia or foreign or like, you know immigrants to this country that end up Adapting well probably have parents who did some type of business because guess what doing business and trade is not that different in China Than it is in America. It's the same principles Adaptation to the circumstances that are out of your control, but to be honest the academic parents They'll be on some other stuff right when you feel like your parents went to college and you're like well, my parents have a college degree Why can't they teach me more? It's like Entitlement with that Somebody said it really depends on what zone you grew up with in America because there are different types of Europeans that settled each zone For example, Seattle has a Seattle freeze because it was settled by Scandinavians from Sweden Finland and Norway And Scandinavian culture is not very open. So even how you move Depends on what type of white people you're even growing up around in America, right? Absolutely. Yeah, or like we were saying any type of person Right, do you think growing up in a more urban environment? You grew up in Brooklyn In the inner city in the inner city Brooklyn, not like Park slope 2023 Brooklyn But it was the old Brooklyn Do you think that made you put you in a sink or swim type situation? Absolutely I was always just around these people who are always Fighting or running or just together and I just I was always in a group or dynamic, right? So I'm watching who's the alpha who has the most charisma who is the leader and at least I get to pay attention to what they're doing So there was a lot of observing on your part and seeing those reps in real life through your social systems Right and now whether or not like they were Professional leaders, but they were leaders of the group But is there kids that you saw from Chinese immigrant families that grew up in the hood that didn't have it strengthen them Yeah, it broke them, right? It really breaks them. So it is it could be quite damaging So it could be a sink or swim and there's a distribution of who ends up sinking who ends up swimming Yeah, I ended a day I think people are ultimately nice, but like it is challenging for sure somebody said Andrew That these guys these two articles because people were discussing the articles are blaming too much on racism I truly believe that this is the comment I truly believe hardcore racism only makes up 10 to 30 percent of people's downfall depending on the environment situation But internet people would love to blame a hundred percent of their problems on racism while ignoring the other 70% of reasons That are actually their own fault or just not due to racism Interesting. This was an interesting comment. Jack Andrew. What do you guys think? I mean, he's basically saying yeah, these guys kind of make a point, but they're over blaming it Yeah, I mean ultimately I think he's right, but as a person who is a high achiever I will never let a statistic keep me down. I'm like, I know these odds are against me But I'm gonna work towards what breaking the ceiling I think that if I had to choose right and and someone's asking me like hey Andrew How should I operate should I operate like race is not an issue or should I operate as if race is the biggest issue? I would tell them to operate as if race is not the right strictly from a functional Yeah, from great right moving forward and being successful Try to operate as if it is not although deep down. I think we know that it can be a significant impact However, you don't want that to hold you back. There's nothing you can do about it Is it sort of like Isaiah Robinson? I know if Nate Robinson and Isaiah Thomas never thinking that their height was an issue even though of course their height It is an issue in basketball Well, I don't think it helps you to keep thinking about it like once you know you're just like, okay You know what it sucks boom? Let's just move forward and I just won't like dwell on it I actually agree that to some extent the hardcore racism just with no other factors take in a consideration No of self agency or none of your own stats It is like probably closer to 30% than 60% for sure I do agree with that But the one caveat I'll say is that if I was to understand life in a more nuanced way There's a lot of like butterfly effects or like domino or cascading impacts It's a little bit like in basketball where let's say for example the main play is to like throw a rim lob But you have a point guard who can only go right because he got to throw it with his right hand But then the defense takes away his right now He's theoretically he gets through still throw the rim lob with his left But you've just taken away everything that guard wants to do so I think that that's like the cascading impact of it That I think is more complicated to explain than oh it was 10% fault. It was 30% fault 60% fault Let's just get into the main things that Asian parents can get their kids into that old-school Asian parents like we had Typically did not encourage that. So you're saying these are the things that could actually help that like let's say your parents are not as Educator or they can't coach you in a lot of this from the old school You know, I think a lot of newer school parents like let's see for example. We all came parents right now We're probably gonna do these things right because we've seen them But we're talking about things that we grew up around we and maybe still to this day some people kids are not getting this Sports absolutely. I mean I was in a basketball team since I was 11 Eventually that became the captain but in the beginning I barely got picked and I just kind of see it was a non-Asian team right non-Asian team What I love about sports it is a meritocracy for the most part There's a little bit of politics, but really it's a meritocracy if you show up and you could do the work and you hustle And you added the team they're gonna value you eventually and that can also just get teach you a lot about life in general Even though maybe business is not fully a meritocracy. It's a lot of connections, but regardless that's a good lesson Yeah, I think a lot of Asian parents are not considering the ancillary benefits because they're like all my kid is not that good at basketball They're gonna play D1 college basketball pay for school. Why would I put my kid in that system? But it's you're learning all the Outside you're learning like how to work with people you don't like to work with how to kind of achieve as a team instead of Just for yourself. I think that applies to your career Yeah, I think you just got to look at like Yanis instead You know how like Asian parents enter the problem thinking like now my kid is gonna be like John Moran with a gun in the club I think there's like a dream on green. It's like what we can achieve You know, hey man, it's all about the team like you said you can learn a lot from basketball But if you play basketball very mindlessly, you actually don't learn anything emotional intelligence. Yeah, you know I've never seen my parents have a high quality emotional conversation It's either yelling or just like laughter and it was my responsibility Go and figure that out. Um, Andrew, what do you think about the combos? We have maybe we add a little bit because our parents speak English You know, I think I saw this but I definitely saw from cousins We's had be like, you know how like you you hear from your cousins where they're just like, yeah, I just like don't talk to my dad Yeah, yeah, I think that's too bad and I think that hopefully the all the whole conversation about You know having conversations and emotional intelligence is growing amongst the younger generation So I think people are able to maybe force these combos a little bit better now Like there used to be at a time like you didn't even want to talk to your parents If you just like me and my parents they're just nagging me I don't even want to talk I don't want to get to know them and then you never end up having a good you never see them having a healthy conversation with each other So you don't know what it looks like. Yeah, by the way I do think this is variable even if your Chinese if your parents are like 50 60 70 or 80 Every decade the parents become more open and less with the old ways, right? Leadership, how do you get leadership training because this is probably one of the number one things that I see impact Yappies or people are unhappy in their professional life in their 30s or their 40s because they're like man I'm doing good at work. I'm getting good performance reviews, but I'm not giving leadership responsibilities Of course all the big payouts all the performance payouts big bonuses. It's all generally leaders Yeah, I think I'm starting bringing this the kids into clubs and social environments or groups Just letting them be in systems where they can challenge each other and grow How did you learn because I know you took some leadership roles at instagram Yeah, you were working there at facebook like what what how did you learn it in college? There was a there was a club and I was you know, I started off as the I guess the the first position and then the lowest rank and I became like the the vice president of the of the club And I ran it like a real organization I helped people accountable and it just put me in that position to experience what that felt like Right, I think sometimes to an extent you have to get shoved into it at a young age You just have to get shoved into these roles and you have to kind of sink or swim as a leader You know even on a micro like sixth grade seventh grade ninth grade level like just you got to be pushed into it somehow masculinity Oh, man, what a toxic word in 2023. I'm just kidding. Uh, but I mean it is important, right and I'm not just not Probably especially for guys, right? I guess because there's an expectation that you're gonna be masculine and if you want to I mean, I mean, let's also speak on asian guys like, you know Not known to be the tallest people or or always like seen as the strongest people So of course our masculinity is always at stake. So we have to figure this out And I think not only that too and this is like I don't want to over blame society or anything But when society never looks at you to be masculine, you might never feel like the need to live up to that Because nobody's gonna ask you, right? Exactly. That's where I think this is where the family comes at play or you Seeking those opportunities to even feel masculine or like a leader in small circles at first And you got to get those early wins early on so that it encourages you to try more and to level up Yeah, I mean, uh jack, you were talking about Boy Scouts, right? A passage different types of micro systems you can Enter when you're young, right? Yeah. I mean, I think in other cultures They have these systems where if you're like 15 16, they have a ceremony where you become a man And it's like your dad talks to you and your and your grandpa talks to your uncles talks to you Hey, here are your responsibilities. Here's what you have to do. Here's why and then you kind of transition into responsibility Maybe like maybe like running the tribe or like becoming the leader of your family and here's here's what you have to do Here's like how to do it So you're saying maybe and it doesn't have to be this big party like some cultures have but like There should be some type of like official sit-down meeting at least when you're like, hey, okay, son You are 18 years old now We expect this and this and this I believe in it. I believe in the passage, you know, I didn't have any growing up, but um That'd be dope to do. Yeah Like the extreme side of things is obviously the 300 but a more realistic something we've seen a lot is the bar mitzvahs, right? Hunter wolf. Yeah hunter wolf staying in the jungle for two days um You also said that Asian parents need to diversify and let their kids pursue different interests hang out with different friends I think a lot of chinese parents in particular All asian parents, but maybe especially chinese parents. They'd be like Kind of very like we said, they're trying to avoid downward mobility more than they're thinking about Getting their kid so diverse they can become More of a leader Yeah, I think like what you said before is like the the boy scouts like some sort of club that You know, they can be in where they can at least express physically how they're like how they feel and How to dominate how to let someone else take over these are all things that we should be learning Obviously boy scouts. They got some bad press in the past couple decades. Maybe they're you you investigate locally There's gonna be some organizations that mimic the same thing. Right, right? um And last but not least Andrew, how do asian parents know what aspects of life they can realistically guide them through because We were talking about how a lot of chinese parents even like maybe the poorest ones They're working two jobs manual labor. They could still check their kids grades Theoretically, right? Unless the kid does the photoshop job, right? Yeah, there's all the grades around or whatever But then I noticed a lot of higher income chinese parents or taiwanese parents They like try to control every aspect of the life from the from who they're hanging out with to how they're speaking I think it's really important for parents and it's hard to speak to this group of parents because like I don't think that like a 50 year old like immigrant like is necessarily watching this video but like I would say It's really important just for people in general to know what they don't know So maybe you're a parent or your parent couldn't provide something But hopefully they could have found somebody else or known That at least if they put you in this system, you would learn something else that they don't know, right? You know what I mean? Like like oftentimes some of they go to church, right? For at least if not for the spirituality It's for the community reason because at church you're gonna have people of them with all different types of jobs Blue collar, they're gonna be everything to white college jobs. They're gonna be engineers They'll be doctors. There'll be church leaders. There'll be all these different things so that you are exposed to all of them And that's what a community is for. Yeah, shout out to church to be honest. I mean, I felt like church was very impactful for me I met my first guy who owned a Rolls-Royce But I knew people who like cut ties you and like see you up, you know the the roast duck and the barbecue pork for a living too And they probably all saw each other as equals, right? Yeah, at least for that Sunday And because that's a whole point of that system, right? Yeah, I guess um, how do How do parents know what they have the capacity to guide or not because you know how it is like Some parents they only just check the grades or some of them don't even check that, right? Yeah, I think I mean my parents were working all the time don't even speak English So they put me in a church system when I was like five six and I had these the church people teach me How to how to fold a napkin after I was eating how to treat all the other kids Like they would actually put me in detention. So I think that's it was really valuable for sure, man Like we said, this is just uh the discussion that we had it was addressing the two posts where people had Unsatisfactory outcomes in their 30s and they were sort of like I don't know I guess some of them were kind of blaming their parents for it. So, um, I guess I'm pretty hopeful though. I think a lot of people are going to be fixing a lot of the blind spots Obviously, especially being Chinese like I said all Asians, but especially being Chinese man They were coming out of a really really old school time Yeah, but I will say to this guy if if this message ever gets out to the 30 year old who went to Ivy League who has a good job And probably I'm assuming still has his health, right? It's not in a bad position to go doing a lot of things right now I mean he has All the things that he he's done now he can have like a rebirth maybe, you know Yes, I'm sure the first 30 years of your life was not fun. You did not feel accepted I get that but now you still have your health and you got money and education and connections at least on some level You got opportunities. So shout out. I mean, you know, it's not a wrap your life It's not a wrap. You can get coaching. You can get therapy. We got to normalize it. You can go to retreats I mean, I do it. So I think it has benefited me a lot For sure, man. Anyway, it was a dope discussion to have I definitely think it's one that a lot of Chinese guys to be honest don't have Often with each other is a kind of uncomfortable to talk topic to talk about and everybody feels it to a different extent Some people don't feel it at all. But anyway, it was a dope thing Jack check him out on instagram and until next time we the hop hop boys. We out. Peace