 This is going to be a great sister to sister, you know, it's it's a lovely show today, and it is lovely show We're talking about can you make yourself happy your own happiness also? Is it outdated and Unnecessary for a young man to ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage if he doesn't that would not be happiness Yeah, stay tuned find out what the sisters think tuned in because without you we wouldn't be us We are five opinionated women of God and we bring your questions To the table Respond from our hearts, and we're so happy today. We have Tiffany Gilbert sitting in for flow today Well, Cory does her little clap Hey, you know what just try to try to get in is what I'm saying. It's tough. It's tough the questions You write to us and we take them and we respond. Here's what you said This is good. Is a father asking? Okay, is asking the father for his daughter's hand in marriage old-fashioned and Unnecessary hmm rocks. Yeah. All right. Wait, listen Can you hear that? The 80s is calling for my hair And I 1980s Asked my father For my hand in marriage. He asked my dad if we could go out Wow So this guy that I just met it to some singles thing, you know the church at the church is a good place to meet guys He's hopping over these chairs at that our sisters of mercy that building where our church would meet Like what's that guy doing hopping over chairs talking to my dad and my mom? Then he comes over to me and says will you go out with me? I said what was going on over there? Hey, I thought I asked your dad. I said, how did you know I was gonna say? Yes No, but the rest is all history and the second picture is us more recently at my son's wedding So I have to say this Exodus 20 says honor your mother and your father mother and father father and mother So you may live long in the land God has given to you and proverb says seek wise counsel So what I have to say is well, it's up to the person I don't care how old you are how young you are when you honor a family when you get married you marry a family Honor them from the get-go So and it's protection. It's protection to the for the man is protection for the woman It's protection for the couple that you get wise advice from both sides now If you don't want wise advice, then you don't want some wrong advice You got to sift through it Say is it unnecessary in old-fashioned? Well, Roxy and I don't always agree, but I agree with Fashion but some old-fashioned traditions are worth holding on to Okay, I've even seen it on modern reality shows and yes I watch some art reality shows that where they still do this I mean even in the worldly Views without a godly tradition. They still do this sometimes and is it biblical is it a sin? If you don't know, I don't think it's a it's a biblical tradition But I think it's a wonderful tradition and I'm already drilling it into my kids and my girls. I'm like Your guy is gonna get dad's permission. Okay, because I think it's awesome and you know what think about it from this perspective Wouldn't you want that your kids to get The guy that you're asking to get their your kid's permission. Don't don't you want to continue that tradition? So, you know, I think that it's you know, it it might be old-fashioned, but it's worth carrying that on All right, we gotcha This really has great biblical roots into it if you look at I mean even Abraham Isaac and Jacob and And here's the thing what you're doing is like Gloria's a Schaefer This is Schaefer's. This is how Schaefer's role. This is who we are This is who she is and a guy's going to come and take her and she will take upon his last name So there has to be some point of contact of honor Respect like passing the baton so to speak and and not just you know disregarding the Schaefer Cleaving yes Taking on the woman's name now, so why I know that's a whole other. So that might be something to put in put in the marriage contract Because I was reading why people choose the other point of view and it's because today women are more independent A lot of them are out on their own making their own money in their own home Living their own life. So the guy feels like well like I don't really need to do that So that's the other point of view why they're not. Well, that's kind of the next question Yeah, kind of so I'm gonna ask the next question because it's kind of like that what Amy just said Here it is. Should I be expected to pay for a wedding when my daughter has been living with her fiance for the last five years? No, I don't know. What do you think? I mean, I think this question is bigger than just that. I think when it comes to expectations of paying for weddings I think that I Think that there's shouldn't be Expectations at all when it comes to paying for a wedding regardless of your livings, you know living situation I think that when it comes to adult children and finances and weddings weddings are very expensive And I think that it needs to have communication regardless of your living situation I think that you need to have open communication, and I don't think adult children getting married should have any Expectation on their parents honestly, and I think this is one of those I think it needs to be a communication Honestly, and I know this doesn't answer the question exactly, but I just think Weddings have gotten out of control You cannot expect parents to Weddings are beyond you can't expect parents to use their retirements And if you want this extravagant wedding you just can't expect that okay, so to get back to the actual question For me personally, I'll answer it for me personally my kids know and know that there are Consequences to the choices they make and and it is our belief and it is belief that that's not something that That God wants for their life, and so there's a consequence to that choice that they like the living together living together And so if that's a choice that they make then that's not something that we would do for them is to to you know To contribute to the wedding except for the cookie table I think it's the word what comes out to me is the word expectation Whose expectation is it is it the daughter's expectation? Is it the mother's thinking okay? She's expecting me, but there's no communication, and I think that's key I think you have to communicate especially if they've been living together for five years and then all of a sudden They're thinking about getting married, you know, I and I don't know I think well at least they're getting out of sin You know so I mean that's one thing at least they're making a decision to say you know what we're gonna do At the right way when you've been living together for a certain period of time at one point. You're almost legally married I forgot what it's called. Maybe What is that called anyway common law marriage so What I would say is that the parents aren't fully responsible to pay and fully fund a wedding where a couple they're living on their own They have their own life. They probably have dogs, you know, whatever But I would be very careful that you ask the Holy Spirit what what should I do for that? Because they're they want to make it right and they want to have a covenant before God So Holy Spirit like tell me my part that would really bless these two kids because now he's he's a part of the family Right, right, so let's go Yes, I have paid Okay, the Proverbs 11 25 says this until you're in the circumstance. It's easy to make a rule A generous person will prosper now get this whoever Refreshes others will themselves be refreshed Sometimes you have to send refreshing to your children. Yeah, you have to say, okay, Lord I know what your laws. I know what your rules are, but there are times access to times of Refreshing Jesus brought forgiveness Jesus brought healing Jesus brought bonding So if God's saying be the generous heart, you know, maybe put a boundary on how much it is and work together It's a good way to compromise It's a good way to work together and the generous heart God always gives you back What you give to him under his glory his honor and his provision Right, but paying for the limo. I'm not sure. I just Crazy here's another question for you. I So good, I can see signs that my fiance is a this is who I am Take it or leave it kind of guy. He's not willing to talk about changing or growing. Do I stay? Or do I leave? I have Should I go I have so much invested physically physically emotionally or should I cut my losses and go First of all, I don't think anybody should not want to grow and change. I mean that is life So I don't even know how you work on that kind of relationship But I do know this is that you do not get married to change somebody you Got it you got to say this is face value. This is where we're at and if he never changes I love him for the rest of my life because if you're living to change that other person You will be miserable. He will be miserable and it will just never work When you know when you go into marriage you overlook I mean you look over when you get into marriage and you're married then you overlook some things But I mean you've got to really look at this because it is a Commitment and then I would ask are these like major or minor things like what level of like I'm like I'm not changing because I'm into Pornography, I'm an alcoholic. I I mean what are we talking about like he's just Likes to watch the game on the chair and not help you do the dishes like what are you talking about here? So that you really need wise counsel There's a little song that comes to mind when I hear this question by good old Kenny Rogers You got to know when to hold them Okay girl if you are asking this question now This person is not just Having red flags Okay, I'm just saying if you're already asking these questions You know there are things that bother you about this person and you you don't have to cut your losses yet Because you have not already gotten into the covenant relationship. Okay, so you're at a point where you can get out without Being in a covenant relationship, and now is the time to go I'm just saying and I I think that's key to is the covenant part of it So she has to really ask herself if he never changes Yeah, am I okay with this am I okay with where he's at am I okay with him not changing? And when it says I can see signs like you said now These are big signs like you shared like big things Then you need to believe him Don't try to overlook right at that point You know and you have to determine whether you want to invest in something that has a hole in it If you continue to invest in he's saying hey listen I don't want to change because not changing and if you're not even willing to look at it That means you're not willing to grow and I need somebody that's in there to grow. Yeah, that's right Little thing like a snag on a sweater when you get into a marriage is gonna continue to unravel And it's gonna fall apart and if it's bothering you this much now I'm saying it's gonna be a big hole in the sweater. We all have things that bother us about our men It's like what level of intensity is it or importance? You know right and Jeremiah says this now I think you got a balance is he stubborn or is she controlling you know is she demanding things that Unreasonable right, but if he's stubborn in this scripture came to me Jeremiah 7 24 in stubbornness of heart You go backward not forward Do you want to go backward or do you want to go forward? Do you want to stay where you are? Are you being unreasonable and controlling or the things small? Are they big but to me? This is stubbornness. This is An inability to see who you are and want to become one with this person and walk together in unity He wants to stay where he is. Yeah, he doesn't want to talk about it I mean someone unwilling to even talk about things. I'm sorry. That is a red She realized before that she doesn't have rose-colored glasses on And she adds physically and emotionally So I'm so grateful that you wrote into us And I'm so grateful that all the sisters gave you wise wisdom because that's what we try to do It's our opinions. Yes, but it is our opinions pretty much from the word of God and you get that scripture What was the Jeremiah Jeremiah 7 24 say I wish you go backward instead of forward Well, thank you. Thank you for writing in that question go forward you get it stay with us We'll be right back for more sister-to-sister Boy, I wish you could be here when you would they go to commercial and we're still here because the banter from the girls is Excellent, and they could be in the studio audience. You could come to the studio audience That's right But we have questions that touch the hearts of all of you that are watching us and this one is really interesting because It's from a guy. So we know that you're out there men watching sister-to-sister. He writes I'm a guy. So I'm coming to the sisters for advice. I desperately want to be married Maybe we could hook him up with the person that wrote Listen to this guy. He sounds like a winner to me. I have a good job. I have a home I'm settled. I try to go to places to meet women, but nothing sticks. What should I be doing differently? Well, yeah, what you can hear the heart and just I mean well the word desperate So, but you know this is a thing like you said I have a good job. I have a home I'm settled. I go to new places. I'm meeting these I'm going to this place to meet women But my question is is where is the Lord in all this? Well, he watches us, you know Wow Where is a You know, where is his relationship because you could be saying, you know But you know So, but yeah, but you know because you have to I remember when I was dating and You know before this is pre-Pastor Jay, okay, and I did and there's a certain point that I got to that I said, you know what Lord? I'm not dating anybody else until you send me the person like I want you to send me So I got to a point where I was so in love with the Lord and I loved my time with Jesus where I was like, you know what I Now I said Lord, I do this is my heart. This is my desire though But but but yeah Exactly, you know, and I would say this too just because it's not happening doesn't mean it's for you It could just be a matter of timing You know, just give it to God and let him kind of work out that timing, you know So I noticed in the question that the things he pointed out were all kind of temporal surface things Like I have a job. I have a house like It's like, okay, what are you doing building your character? Like where are the the things that the Lord looks upon and And are those the things that you're looking for in women? So many guys that I talk to and I mean not that I'm talking to a lot of guys But I'm you know, I have a son. I have a young adult son Okay, then he has friends. Yeah, and so many of the things that they Are looking for all the outward appearance like I want a hot girl, you know I want them to you know look good and Like not that, you know physical appearance isn't important that they need to be attracted to each other, but like They're so focused on that compatibility And where are where is the focus on the character and you know matching up in that compatibility? And so it's like I I would throw the question back at you Where are you going to find these women? What are the things that you really truly need to be compatible in where you know, are you focused on the wrong thing? So, you know, I would I really Take a look inwardly Look at your own character and look at what you're looking for in a woman I wonder if just from I agree with you as far as the character piece because that's important But I'm wondering from a man's point of view if men are thinking about some men are thinking about being the provider So he's saying I have all these I have a good job. I have a home. I'm settled. I I have great credit You know what I mean? Like I I want to provide not that those other things don't matter But I'm wondering if that's the mindset that he's thinking I was on facetime with my sister and nieces and I was reading Or some of these questions and we got to that when she goes well He needs to reinvent himself and get out of a rut and get out of the box and I thought That is a really good thought just if you feel stuck reinvent like go play pickle ball Or like just do something different maybe and get in new environments I was reading the questions to my sisters My my biosisters these are my sisters and my one sister who has a son who's not married Said oh, I know the sisters will simply say we'll go to church. You'll find a girl in church We would but here's the scoop her son does go to church But you have to do more than just sit in the pew And smile because he's a great guy you need to do something If service and then that's how you meet the women that Are serving god Well proverbs 15 says without conch wise council purposes fail The guy needs to talk to people around him. What is my problem? Evidently, he meets women and it doesn't quote stick Right, you know, is he bragging about himself? Or is he is our standard so high that no woman can match up So talk to somebody else and find out what's going on get some wise counsel from other friends and other women See what's going on in your life that you cannot Quote have it stick and like tiffany says it's not going to stick if it's an all god's choice And be glad it doesn't stick you might be with the wrong person That's right Well, i'm gonna go to this last question real quick and it simply says can you create your own happiness? And so to our happiness meter amy, I love happiness I love everything happy and joyful, but life is not all happy You know, even now as i'm sitting here answering this question in about two seconds I could cry because of a precious loss in my life, but what I do know is proverbs 24 I love this in the passion wise people are builders. They build families businesses communities and through intelligence and insight Their enterprises are established and endure because of their skilled leadership The hearts of people are filled with treasures of wisdom and pleasures of spiritual wealth So there's an element Of creating but I am building my life. I am building businesses. I am building relationships and in that I am creating so to speak my world my family my Future my purpose the church So I think in an essence You are in the driver's seat of your life Well, you're creating happiness by circumstances and surrounding myself with the right people the right team Dealing with family stuff. So there's a healthy environment in the hump like i'm building with my life You know, and I think that's good I think one thing that we all have to kind of just keep an eye out for is when those people or Situations when they don't go well If you if your happiness is totally invested in that Right and them well the truth is, you know, from a biblical standpoint, we know That joy comes from the lord and that's where our real happiness comes from stay there We'll be right back to wrap this thing up We talked a lot about today about relationships, you know about Fiancé's and what do we do and can we create our own happiness? I love that point that tiffany brought up at the very end that our happiness is not in circumstances Our happiness is not in other people True joy and happiness can only come from christ So I pray today that you know god that you will know christ personally And I promise it won't be a perfect life It won't be an all happy life, but you will have a deep joy that will help you Go through any Turbulent storm that life could throw at you, but we always like to end with the scripture and today This is a doozy. It is in psalm 119 read it with me Incline my heart to your testimonies and not too covetousness Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things and revive me in your way I love it another version says it says help me to turn my eyes away from illusions There are illusions out there follow this be led by this But you say I've got to have my heart turned toward god I will be led by him and not by anything else So I pray today that you just make a firm decision in your heart To be led by the lord by the holy spirit in every relationship in every circumstance In every area of your life, and I promise he will never let you down That's right And my sisters never let me down each and every week We come to you and we come from the wisdom of the sisters And we also end with this scripture that simply goes like this as iron sharpens iron So does the countenance of a man sharpen a woman and then I say you see family These girls make me a much better Kathy. We will see you next time on sister to sister