 Okay. Shall we do the role play at the end or do you want to do it now? We have some more slides to finish. What do you want to do? We'll finish the slides. Okay. Okay. We'll come back to this later. Okay. To remember that when you're asking questions, you also have to be cautious about being like a lawyer, like an interrogator. So too many questions and infrequent succession is not a very good thing. So be aware of over-questioning because what happens is it gives a message to the councillor that the councillor is in control of everything. Like almost that if I don't answer these questions, then I'm not going to get my help. Get the support I need. You also need to give the councillor an impression that they have the ability to process their information and whatever they're sharing. And even when you're asking too many questions, it's like a doctor. A doctor will say, your stomach is paining. Where is it paining? On the left and the right or it pains in the morning or it comes in waves. They say, okay, more than that. They're getting the answer. They're getting the answer. It shouldn't appear that way. So questions and quick succession can make them feel like as if they are interrogated. There are two types of questions. Open-ended questions and closed questions. What are open questions? Open-ended questions. These are questions that can't be answered in just a few words. They require maybe a little bit more of an explanation and this is what encourages your client or your councillor to speak. It also offers an opportunity for more information about what may be bothering them about other details. So open questions are usually much more effective. And usually open questions begin with what, why, how, could. Examples, what has brought you here today? So when you're meeting the person, instead of saying, you have a problem today, is that why you've come? So they'll say, yes, overdone. So instead of saying, what has brought you here today? Or why do you think that when they're thinking like, for example, I said, it's better that I leave Bible College and go. So why do you think that? So then I said, no, because I'm not able to concentrate. I'm adding on more details. Francis, come back. How did you come to consider this? How did you consider leaving Bible College? What has made you to make a decision like that? Or could you tell me what brings you here today? So these are specific questions that will help focus on the how, the what, the where and the when. It gives a larger outcome. So here are some questions. How, when you ask how questions, it invites the councillor to talk about their feelings. How did you come to a decision like this? I feel I'm not making best use of my time here. I'm wasting everybody's time. So how it helps talk about feelings. So an example is how do you feel about the way your husband talks about separation all the time? I feel betrayed or I feel sad. I feel angry. I feel he doesn't care for me. So it talks about how questions invites them to talk about feelings. What questions leads to facts? It gives you understanding of facts. What happens when your son gets angry? When my son gets angry, he throws things, he shouts. So it gives you factual information about what. When it gives you about the timing or the timing of the issue. When did this happen? When do you wish to talk to him about your problem? So it is coming to a place of analysing the time. Where is, of course, reveals the place. Where does your child feel most comfortable? And why these information regarding the reasons? Why have you made a decision? Why do you want to leave Bible college? So why do you think your parents are unhappy with you? Why does this job make you feel special? So these are open-ended questions. Now, even when you're asking the question why, use some caution because what can happen is it can bring about some defensiveness. Like in Ravali's case, you may say, hey, why are you getting angry with me right now? Suppose you had bought up the cousin. Ravali, I notice you're angry, but why are you getting angry with me? What will happen? Francis, here. They can be defensive, no? That's because you're asking me so many questions. So instead, you must have been angry with your husband, isn't it? Or you sound really upset and angry with me right now, isn't it? So they'll say, yeah, I am actually angry. So be careful of how you use the word, why? Why can be used but if they are in difficult situations where they are showing a certain emotion, it can bring about this feeling of defensiveness. Close questions. What are close questions? They are answered with some small response. Yes, no, not sure, maybe I don't know. It's very restrictive and it helps you to focus on very, very specific information. Now, these can be appropriate when you are attempting to clarify something. Like you're clarifying, hey, I understand that you are angry at me right now after our conversation. I think I upset you right now. Is that so? Yes. It's a good question, but it cannot be generally used at all times. So the questions start with is, are and do. Let's look at some examples. Do you stay with your parents? Are you working? Are you feeling sad? Are you thinking of committing suicide? Are there strong death wishes that you have? This will give you very, very straightforward answers and sometimes they are important. Now, certain differences between open and closed questions. Open questions actually help your counselling to view to really vent out their thoughts and their feelings and the question is always very broadly focused. But the closed-ended questions are very narrow. It comes down to something extremely narrow and it only reflects one particular answer. Open-ended questions, there is a high scope for self-exploration. Like I say, tell me a little bit about your day yesterday. I'm giving you an opportunity for you to tell me all about your day. Rather than, did you come, was your day in Bible college good? Or was it bad? So you say, yeah, or okay, okay. So it's more discovery. Open-ended questions give space to structure the answers. The counsellors themselves are able to really structure their answer. Whereas in closed-ended questions, it's very factual, very purposed. Okay, it's just direct. Open-ended questions, reluctant people, that is those who don't want to speak much, may feel less threatened when these questions are asked, which gives them enough of freedom to share only what they want to share. But anxious clients may feel more comfortable with a defined question and answer format. So like I said, it's not that close questions are completely bad, but there is a way that time and place and situation that you can use that. Open-ended question, the counsellor is the one who sets the agenda. But here, the counsellor is one that sets the agenda. If you look at the example, look at the example, the open-ended question is what do you miss about your father? But here, you loved your father, didn't you? So then I'm talking specifically about one area. But here, I'm talking about missing the father. So we're exploring a little bit more. Okay, open-ended questions, follow the counsellors, lead and leads to the next response. Now that's extremely important in these questions, to be able to lead into one question into the other. Whereas the close questions is only to make a certain point and it kind of closes there. Okay, just a few more slides, quite a few slides. Okay, maybe we'll do some more of this. Okay, these are examples. Examples, open-ended questions. Tell me about your feelings about your depression. Closed ending is, when did you first notice you were getting depressed? Or another example, how do you feel you are going to do the semester? As against, do you think your grades will be lower or higher this semester? The other open-ended, tell me about your family. How do they enter into your decision? And the other one, do you feel your family is helping or hindering you with your decision? Okay, sorry. You can't see the slide. These are examples. These are examples. Okay, all right. Now, there are additional type of questioning questions. They're called clarification questions. When you say you are fed up with Bible college, what do you mean? Okay, or sounds to me like you're saying that you're tired. Could you explain more? So these are questions of clarification. All right, so you're getting clarity. Elaboration questions. Would you care to elaborate? Is there anything more you wish to add? Would you like me to know something more? Or could you tell me elaborately about something? They are elaborate questions. Eliciting personal meaning questions. I'm wondering about the meaning of dash for you. The person saying something. I'm wondering what the meaning of you losing your job is to you. So these are personal meaning questions. Or what do you make of that? Or why is it so important to you? Why is the situation that important to you? These are all you're getting personal meaning out of those questions. Solution focus questions. Now these are very important because it helps you, helps the councillor to begin to understand how to solve their problems. What have you attempted to do about the problem to get a job? Or what are your options? What are you planning to do? How can you change your behavior? These are all looking forward into solutions. Okay. Okay, I think we will go back and we'll come this to the last part of it. Oops. Sorry. Sorry, sorry. One minute. Can you all see it or it's gone? One second, it's gone off from my screen. Which one did you want? This one? Eliciting personal meaning? Elaboration questions. Is it come? No? Sorry. Yeah. Okay. All right. So we'll go back to the role play. Okay. So I want a councillor and all the rest can be councillors. But remember we have to have some succession in the way that we are asking questions. Okay. Don't just ask for the sake of asking. So the question here is Mary, a 19 year old student comes to you worried because she's not getting on with other students in her class. All right. So this is basically about asking questions. You can do a little bit of responding here. But this is for us to really learn about asking questions. Okay. So who wants to be Mary? Or Mary Appa? Mary or Mary Appa, it's okay. Okay. Some of the online students, your participation is key. Okay. There are complaints that only the online students are speaking. So who will be Mary? I can be Mary. Okay. She's Mary. All right. So all the rest are councillors, which means all of you all are going to ask questions. Okay. I will start it for you all and then you'll take it over. Okay. Hi, Mary. It's good to see you here. And you're good to see you. Yeah. I see that the teacher, your maths teacher asked you to meet with me. Is that it, Mary? Yeah, she asked me to meet with you. Okay. All right. Would you understand why she wanted you to meet me, Mary? I'm actually, I'm not sure completely, but I think I've shared a concern with my maths teacher last Monday. So I'm assuming regarding that she wants me to meet with you. Okay. Okay. So you shared a concern with her and that's why you feel she's, she's asked you to meet with me. Would you mind sharing that with me as to, would you be okay to sharing what you shared with your maths teacher? Yeah. So I've been facing some kind of difficulty these days to get along with the other students in my class. I've been trying to make myself involved in with other people to have a good friendship, but I feel I've not been included with them. So that really bothers me because sometimes I don't get anybody to talk to or I neither get any help from the other students. Mary, I'm, I, what I hear is that it must be really unsettling, difficult for you to really, you come to college every day and not to have someone sit with you, not to have others include you must be, must be a very frustrating, very difficult, very sad thing, isn't it? Yeah. Most of the days I really don't feel like coming to college because of this discussion. Okay. Yeah. All right. Okay. So it, it just, it has put off the, even the desire to come back to college because you don't feel included and involved. Yes. Right. Okay. What, what have you been feeling when these friends have not included you? Okay. From here on you're going to take on. Okay. Yeah. Go on. What have you been feeling when these friends have kept you away and they've excluded you from regular college stuff? I'm not sure. I felt that is there something wrong with me that they are not really, I mean, why, I don't know why they're excluding me. I'm not sure if there is something wrong with me or did I do something? I tried to talk it out, but I, I haven't got any answers. Okay. Ask. Ask. Ask. Ask. Ask. Okay. Remember open-ended questions when you started with, did you, she's either going to say yes or no. So frame your question in such a way that will help her talk a little bit more. So she said, I don't know if there's anything wrong with me and that's why they are excluding me. Is there a problem with me is what her, her fear is. Even online students, please add in, pitch in. Yes or no answer. Okay. You try that. Try that. Let's see. Have you ever considered of talking with them and finding out the reason why they won't include you? Yeah. I have tried, but I haven't got any clear response from them and such. They always mock and just laugh at me and go away and don't give any answers of why it is happening. So I stopped asking because it's putting me more and more in an embarrassing situation in the class while other students are also getting to know about it. To kill Francis, Nina, Anand and the students online. Come on. Okay. Big reply. Okay. Okay. Online students, please add in. So someone is written here. Jack is written here. Sorry. I can't read. Can somebody, my, what seems to be. A question from Jason to you. Yes. It's really a tough situation that you're going through. Have you had a situation previously where you were able to handle such a thing? Excellent question. Yeah. In the sense in this class or previously in my school. Any situation previously where you felt like this and you worry and what did you do to handle it is what she's asking. I think during my school days, I'm kind of an introvert. So I feel a little difficult to interact with people. So I used to be like that. But eventually I try to get into people. I mean, make myself comfortable with people and make some friends. So right now I'm not sure why I'm being avoided. But yeah. What have you picked up? What did she say? She was introverted. Oh, Mary, Mary, Ravali is not introvert. Ravali is not introvert. Okay. So she's saying there was a situation earlier where this happened. She was an introvert, but something happened and I was able to make friends. But I don't know what. So what is your next question? Good, good. What made you to come out of that introvert and made friends at that time? So make it more specific. What was one or two things you did at that time to help make friends then? Okay. You can answer that. So I intentionally went and spoke with people. That is one thing I did. And also when somebody is trying to have a conversation with me, I usually use to avoid and give short answers. But I made sure that I'm trying. I try to show them that I'm interested in that conversation too. So it was difficult for me to do all this. But you know, these things really helped me to come out of the shell. Now I want you to reflect what she said. What does she say? Don't wait. Remember, this is not courtroom. Reflect. So she said two things. She said, so she went and she actually took the effort there. That's one. Second she said is? Yeah. She elaborated some more of those answers and that's what helped her. So there are two things she said. I want you to acknowledge that. I want you to bring that up as if something. What are you doing? You're saying, wow, you did that then great. No, no, no. So wait. First, what are you doing is she's she's bringing an answer to you. So acknowledges. So you can say, oh, wow, that's that's excellent. That's good that, you know, at that point of time, you did a and you did be wonderful. Maybe I want to elaborate a little bit more and say, so how did you get yourself to do that then? So I want to build the. Whatever the the the the the the strength of that. Okay. So what did you how did you do that then what what really helped you to do that then rubberly to actually go there. There are many. Sorry to go there to them as well as to elaborate more on your answers. What really helped you to do that then? What really helped me to do that. I can understand how did how did you find yourself doing that? How did you muster that courage to do that? I think I took the help of my teacher back then. So when I shared this problem with her, she encouraged me and she really pushed me out of my comfort zone and she asked me, tried out nothing, nothing you're going to lose. So I thought, let me give it a try. So like that is the way. Okay, so you were encouraged by your teacher to she helped you, she pushed you to do that. That's why you were able to do that then. Okay. Next question. So what do you you found that she did it sometime in the past and what do you want her to try and think about now? Yeah. So how do you ask it? Now what is teacher that you ask that is will gathering that is will gathering is the teacher alive there. Okay. Gene can switch roles. Can someone be Mary? I want I have a lot of questions too. You have a lot of questions for Mary. Okay. Mary princess Mary. So you can take on the next question. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hi, Mary. Nice to meet you in the middle. Hello. Yeah. Nice. So I heard your problem. I just want to ask you that is this anything happened between you and the friends in your I mean the students in your class that is, you know, making them to avoid you. Is there any instant happen that you remember? So there also it's it's become a close ended questions you've asked. No. He said. Okay. Okay. I see nothing happened, but you still, you know, bothered about not being able to get involved. Can I come back to the conversation that she was encouraged? Yes. Yes. Please go ahead with that conversation. Go ahead with that. So that that's really great Mary that your teacher encouraged you and you are so bold to take a step and try it out. So and I'm sure right now also your teacher is encouraging you. You know, they're trying to help you and I'm also here to help you. So do you think we can do something that helps you in this situation that you will be able to get out of the inhibition and mix with other students? He's thinking. Okay. I think, yeah, maybe they can be something that you guys can do because from my side, I always wanted to interact with people, but I don't know why it's not working out when I try. So maybe you can go on my behalf and talk with them. Okay. We'll see. So when you said you're you tried on your behalf and it is not working out. Can you tell me how did you try? Like, how did you try from your end? I tried to get involved during the breaks when they were outside sitting under the tree having chai. I also even though I don't drink a chai, I take a cup of chai and went there to sit with them, but they immediately not so happy seeing me in with them. They move away and it makes me so sad and the eventually made me not to take the step forward. That's so terrible. I know you must felt so terrible, you know, being in that situation. So sorry for that. So do you think. Okay. Nobody's been asking any questions. Okay. So I want to I want you to go back to that place where he said where you said the teacher I have I approached the teacher and the teacher pushed you to go ahead and talk and elaborate and not give short answers. Okay. So we're going back to that situation. Okay. So I'm going to ask this is a question. I'll help. So this question is what I'm going to ask you is Prince. Okay. Now, Prince, if you could you remember what happened in the last time, right? Yes, I do. So if there was one small thing that you could do which helped you then which could potentially help you now. We don't know. We just seeing if it could. What is the smallest thing that you could do that could help you which helped you three years back five years back whenever that situation was the smallest thing. What is the smallest thing you could do? The both things what I have did it in past I have tried it actually because I stepped out of my comfort zone. Okay. Went to ask them what's wrong with me but still there is no good response. There is no answer to my questions when I stepped out and ask and even when I want to like to what they say I did not give any short answers. I just explained why I was still going back to them and asking them why what's wrong with me. Still there is no good answer that I got back. So I don't know whether is there anything that I can ask from the past. Okay. So you said you've tried both the both the situations. Okay. What what what did they tell you when you actually ask them what's wrong with you? You said that you asked them some questions didn't you? What did they what did they say? What did they share with you? I asked two questions one is like did I do anything wrong that way that was making you guys be away and they said like we don't have anything in person personal with you. There's nothing personal that they have with you. So they clarified that. Yeah. Okay. And then the other question I asked is like then why you guys don't like to be my friends or why you don't allow me to join with you and hang out with you. And they said like we are not the same. We're not the same. What do you think they meant? Maybe I think I'm not that kind of person that can fit with them that can cope with them. That so you're saying that they felt that you the you don't fit into their group. Yeah. And what. Okay. All right. Okay. Someone wants to take on from you. So you understood that her friends have said you don't fit into our group. You're way too different. That's what's happening. So okay. What how do you want to take it from there? That's. He said then you can join another group. That is what is that? But first of the people who are in the same group and the only lawsuit. She can we try and know that because Mary's kind of very giving difficult answers. So can we try and know if if there are any other group of friends? Maybe her issue is not with everybody in the class. Definitely a certain group. Yeah. So we can try and know that there are any other people that she could just get along with for now and so rather than you bringing that up, you want to elicit it from him. Can I ask a question? Yes. Go ahead Nina. Have you? Now I'm addressing whom Prince or Mary? Whoever. Prince Prince. You're addressing Prince. Okay. Have you thought of what you would like to do Prince in this particular situation? How you would like to deal with this particular thing that's happening to you? Excellent question. Have you thought of what you'd like to do in a situation like this? Okay. I just have a question Nina. Not a thought. Now in case which is what you may hear, I don't know that's why I've come to you and this is a very common question. But never give up on that. Always ask. I understand. But what do you think? You know, always keep pressing. Never let them throw the ball at your court as if you're the one who has to do the thinking. Actually the one who has to do the thinking. So you say. So she said, she asked how do you think you could handle the situation? What is the best way you think you could handle the situation? To know the answer only why I'm here actually. Yes. But it will be good if it originates from you because there is a problem. And if it would help if you give a little more thought to it and then we could begin from there and try to handle the situation or to come out of it. What do you think? I don't know. I tried everything. I tried walking out and I mean like coming out of my comfort zone, asking them what's wrong. And even I tried to go and fit in by myself even when they don't call me. I tried to go on myself. But I don't know what else I can do. So Prince, you said that they told you that you don't fit into that group. So they've given you an answer. So let's start from that. So what do you think in that situation is something you can do when they have... I know it is painful that they have kept you away. It doesn't seem fair. It just doesn't feel right. But in a situation like that, what do you think is the least you could do? I'm going back to the same question Nina asked. Maybe find out what is that one thing that makes me not to fit with them. Okay. So that's what he answered. Maybe find out that one thing that doesn't make me a good fit in that group. Okay. Next question. So, okay. Let me ask you this, Mary. Sorry, I forgot to say Prince. So I want to understand why do you feel that you want to fit in the group? Wait, wait, wait. Take it where he started. Where he started. He said, I want to find out what will make me fit into that group. So that's where he ended. Yeah. So first, explore that. Can I ask another question? Sure. Nina, go ahead. Yeah. So Prince, have you tried to just sit back and reflect on? Okay. Maybe this is where this could be it. Have you just tried to do that reflect on it? I mean, do we presume that they know God or we don't, we stay away from that gene? Or have you tried to say that they know God? No. Basically, that's what she's asking. What do you want? You decide. No, no. She said, should we presume that you all are all believers? That you and your friends are all believers? She's saying, should we presume that? So what do you think? Should you presume that? You're the client. That's why I'm asking you. Are you all believers or not believers? Actually, I am. But in this situation, I'm not. Okay. She said not. She said not. Not a believer. So, so, so no, so there are no suggestions now, but I'm, but I'm just still asking, have you tried to reflect on it, sit back, think about it and try to find the solution there since you've tried the other things and it has not worked? Have you? Have you tried doing that? So what I think she's asking is what do you think in your mind that is keep setting you setting that group apart from you? What do you think that is? Yeah. So you're trying to think to see what is it that group in that group that you don't fit in. So that's basically what she's asking. Okay. Someone's asked. Jack is asked. Okay. Can I answer? Yeah, answer. Who's question are you answering? Nina's. Nina's question. Go ahead. I, there are times I sat alone and I analyzed and try to find out what is that one thing that was not, that was making me not to fit with them. And I think maybe because they are back bench students and the friend bench student, that's the answer I got, but I don't know whether it's true or not. Okay. Would you like to do something to rectify that? So that there's no in marked difference like that, which would stands out. Would you like to do something to rectify that? So, so Nina what I think he meant by back bencher. Okay. Front bencher is back benchers are those who don't study front bench is the one who studies that what you meant. In the context of study, but they are so mischievous. How so fun. But I'm not that I'm so. He's a good student. He's a. I'm so fearful. Oh, not that much out of the box. Not so active. So that's what he meant. Okay. Okay. So I mean, would you like to just hold on for some time and take time to be on yourself for some more time and then look at it again. The problem. Would that help? She said, would you like to know stay on your own for some time? Would that help? She asked. So I think this is where Jack in question will help. She said, have you observed anyone from within your classmates who may be helpful? Who do you think could be helpful in this regard? I don't know because everybody thinks I am not often like I mean, in the sense like everybody think like I don't really be the person whom everybody enjoys. Everybody have their own group of friends, but the one person who is alone actually. Okay. So I would ask. So Prince, in the last one year, the last one year in your in your class, college in your class with this classmate, give me one interaction you've had with one person, any one person in your class. I have to tell the whole. This one small thing. Like I had an interaction with this one person during exams. He just asked me to help him with what are the important actions. Okay. So then I see that people see you with the they approach you because they know that you know your subject or you know your academics very well that you do your academics very well. Yes. Okay. So do you think this sets you apart from others? Yeah, maybe because there are also other students who can do very good with their academics too. So I see you found one way to connect with somebody that is through your academics. Yes. What would it look like if you use this one skill that is your good academics with anyone in your class? What would it look like if you use that? How would it look like you have a fellowship of those who have who are good at studies? Yes. Okay. What would it make you feel then if you had a group you could connect with because of academics. You'll be bored. Okay. So what do you want? I know all the other I also want to be like those people who are so mischievous naughty and have fun here. So you want to become like those who are mischievous and naughty? Not always but I also want to experience that. You want to be silent, calm. Okay. So you want to be somebody different from what you are? Yes. Okay. Okay. All right. You have a client over here who wants something on the other end of the spectrum. Okay. All right. So I think I mean you guys did an excellent job of you know getting these questions very good. I think some beautiful questions came up. Good job. Good job to everyone. Okay. We'll just quickly finish up the rest of the slides. I want to do one specifically. Okay. I just want to look at this ideal patterns of questioning. Yeah. Okay. Some of that. Okay. So what is an ideal pattern of questioning? Okay. One of the first things is yes when Meri spoke about her issue, the first thing that you need to do is respond to feelings. So you're saying something like you're worried about these relationships. You're responding to feeling. And then you bring about open questions. You know, can you tell me more? Right. Then it's paraphrasing. So whatever she is telling you, you paraphrase and said, okay, I hear that the others are all in one group. They're getting on well, but you're responding to content, but you actually feel left out. Okay. Then. Oh, sorry. Then you then you get a open question. How do they behave with you? And then there is maybe certain answers that she gives and you're clarifying. So you don't feel included rather than than they dislike you. Have I got you right? So then, you know, you're making certain clarifications about what is being said. And then again, an open question. How do you behave towards them? And then you're personalizing it. You feel lonely because you keep more to yourself and you would like to overcome your fear of them. So if you look at the patterns of questioning, it moves in. I'm just going back to responding to feelings. You're opening the quest. You're giving them an open question. You're paraphrasing what's happening. You're responding to the content. You have again clarified. You've bought about an open question. Then you're personalizing so much so that you've bought the issue back to Mary in which you're saying you'd like to overcome your fear of them in this situation. That's how that entire pattern of questioning went. So it's not always about bombarding them with questions, but over time being able to help to respond, to clarify, to summarize, and then coming to a place to personalize. And that's what we did at the end. You said you want to find out what it is that keeps you apart. What do you think that keeps you? So you've helped them to personalize and said, he finally said I want to be mischievous like them. That's the goal that he has. So we stopped it there because that's the goal that he has. And this can go in very, very many different ways. Quickly just want to see if I think I just missed out a few here. So there are certain wrong techniques is to bombarding or grilling, not asking too many questions at one time. What do you think? How are you feeling? What are your friends feeling? Not asking multiple questions. Please tell me about yourself. How old are you? Where were you born? Do you have any children? What do you do for a living? These are all multiple. It's bombarding and asking multiple questions. Then asking questions as statements. Don't you think it would be helpful if you studied more? That's actually a suggestion. But you've just bought it about in a question. Okay. That again is wrong. Too many why questions? Why did you do that? Or why are you like this? Those again could bring about some difficult answers as well. Okay. I think that should suffice for that. All right. Now, like I said, these are all needs to be practiced. The more that we practice it, the better that we get. So even in your interactions with people at home, build your questioning skills because the better your questioning becomes, your counseling becomes a lot more enriching. Okay. All right. Thank you so much. Let's just quickly close with a word of prayer. A reminder, please ensure that you do your assessment for two, you have time for two weeks. The online students, e-learning students, you have time till the end of the course. Let's just, Prince, would you close with a word of prayer, please?