 The reason why I put the video out is for one, because I wanted to share light on the scenario in which of how it happened and how these things can happen to men too. Most time you just see women talking about the stories, but you don't see men talking about the stories or what happened. What I realized is it's way more men that dealt with it than I thought it was women. I had dozens of emails, comment sections, people on Instagram, man, I'm glad you said the story. I wish I could say this too, or the same thing happened to me, or it was a lot. And when I say a lot, I couldn't even read all of them. And they were just like, I'm glad you said this, now I feel more comfortable in my situation because I felt alone and I didn't feel ... I was like, dang. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. I just want to build with you. Since 2017, I've lost followers that was connected to me and her because they think that I did something. I've lost some of her friends that was my friends too that think that I did something. People automatically assume, oh, if they divorced or this and that, the man did something. And this is probably the worst thing that I could ever do in this situation. I was like, look, I'm going to get you a hotel room for two, three days. You go there and you think about everything. You know what I'm saying? You're saying you're sorry, you're saying you apologize, you're saying that you don't want to talk to this guy. You think about it. You think about what you actually want. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm not about to have you in this house lying and doing all this and going behind my back. She come back to the crib. I instantly noticed another change. She had this look on her face. She's very cold. She's very ... This is a side of her that I've never seen before. It's a whole new person. I was like, what happened? What's going on? And then out of prowing and prying and things like that, she just broke out crying and said, she invited the dude to her hotel room. Not a man here who could sense me. I'm on the pier, Elohim with the energy. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. I just want to build with you. All right, brother. So the man is fear. Yes, yes. But before I get into it, what are your high level thoughts of even when you hear the term, the man is fear. What do you think about that? What do you think it is? Do you think it's relevant? Do you think it's destructive, critiques, positives? I think it's positives and negatives to it. I think the negative part is the captures that's being shared across social media channels. It's like some of the toxic stuff. But the positives is staying within the video or whatever is being said. So I think it's pros and cons to it. I think the cons are like some people turned it into some toxic things is being said and people think the whole man is fear and things like that is just toxic individuals. But there's some nuggets in there, here and there. So I would just say it's pros and cons to it. Okay. Kevin Samuels. Yes. I guess you're calling my flagship series is called Kevin Samuels started this conversation. So what are your thoughts on the late Kevin Samuels and what it is that he did, what it is that he didn't do, you know what I'm saying? Just give me a whole synopsis. Yeah. I think what he did was open up conversations to allow people to see the other side of dating and women and things of that nature because for a long time I feel like people have been, it's just been tunnel vision. So I did feel like he opened up that the conversation and the thought process start viewing things in a different area and a different light. I will say with his videos, his tone and the way he came at certain things probably was off-putting to women, but he's very straightforward. He was very blunt, I guess you could say, you know? So I think that's needed in some in the, in today's society. I think his messaging in general just came off negative because of the antics that he provided, whether it was the sound effects or calling people big surely whatever it was. I think that's what instantly sticks to people's brain and they're not even able to comprehend whatever else he's saying, but a lot of the things he said, I would say would probably be true if you just take a step back outside of the antics and really listen to the message that he was trying to say. And then some things was, you know, off the wall, but I do say it was pros and cons to some of his videos too. Absolutely, man. I think, you know, the weird thing about it is I think Kevin Samuel's rise was more of an indictment on us. Yeah. Because unfortunately, you know, this hasn't created like substance doesn't get clicked bro. You're right. People come for car crashes. Yeah. If he ain't had the antics and stuff, he probably wouldn't have as many, you know what I'm saying? If he ain't had them people calling in and he just going off on it, he wouldn't have as many views. You know what I'm saying? So you're right, you're right. He had to do some of that to kind of get the eyes and the ears of people too. So I agree with that. Absolutely. You know, I think the biggest part of his message was self-awareness. Oh yeah. You know, as an image consultant, you know, his job was to kind of diagnose people's problem. Okay, you need to lose weight or you need to get skin care, you need to go boom. And when it comes to our community in particular, it does seem to be the case that a lot of our women have a long list of what they want from a man, but never actually consider what that hypothetical man wants from them. Why do you think that is? That's true, because I feel like a lot of times people can't step outside of themselves, you know, it's just so fixated on what I want, what I want, what I want, versus actually looking at yourself in the mirror and be like, okay, I want this, how do I stack up against this? You know what I'm saying? Or if like, for example, men, you know what I'm saying? I feel like we do a great job of this. You know when a woman is out to leave, you know, like whenever you're trying to go on a date with a woman, he'll be like, hey, this girl right here, okay, she might be about that life. And you have to take a step back and be like, you know something, would I be able to provide her the lifestyle she's looking for? She might be looking for somebody that's willing to pay for every single meal, every single trip, fly out to different countries and you got to go back home and be like, nah, ain't that type of guy. I'm just letting her go on about her business, but I feel like a lot of women don't accept that. They feel like just because they're a woman, they should be able to have access to any type of man, any type of, well, no matter what he's doing, no matter what they have going on. When I think in reality, people do have to come together and blend well together. So you kind of have to think about that from that perspective. So I think that's the problem. I think some women just don't look themselves in the mirror and be like, would this type of guy go after me? Just like I'm trying to go after him. And I think we do a good job of that as men. And that's the thing, even with Kevin Sam is I think like part of what he was saying is why are some of you women looking down on men who are on your level, because that's the other consequence of that. Like the dude who isn't making six figures, for instance, he's not in my league, even though the woman isn't a supermodel. Right. Right. So what do you think that comes like that audacity? Where is it coming from, man? I think it comes from probably what she's used to. Because if you think about it, I feel like we as men, we oftentimes have to prove ourselves. We have to prove ourselves to society. We have to prove ourselves to women. A lot of women won't take a man serious. Like you said, if you're not making a certain amount or if you don't have this certain lifestyle or think he's not being taken serious versus women, men typically not really looking like that. You know what I'm saying? It could be a guy doing well off in life and go marry a woman that might be working that target or something just because the way she treat them, the way she make them feel, things of that nature. It's not really being looked at in that way of, let's see what you could provide me from a monetary perspective first. Is this more, so let's see what you can provide me from emotional capacity, from a support capacity, things of that nature. So I think that's the main thing. But, you know, women also have way more men coming at them. It could be and it might not be for the right reasons. It just could be for sex. It could be for whatever. But even if a woman isn't at a high status in her point, she's still going to have men out of gas station hitting her up. Men in the growth, she's still hitting up. She going to a car, a man going to be hitting her up. She don't really have to be at a certain point in her lifestyle to get attention from men versus the opposite from men. Do you think women confuse attention with like interest? Yes, all the time. Break that down. All the time. Break that down. Because men, we have tunnel vision. And I say this a lot. If I'm dating and I see a girl, I'm like, I might just want to see what's up. What if it's fun? Or maybe I just be like, you know, she's sexually attractive. Maybe that's the way I want to take it. Or I might be looking at, I'm like, if things were to go well, I could see myself, you know, dating, seeing how this goes, see if we can get in a relationship. It's like tunnel vision. We can kind of pick and choose how we approach a situation. And a woman wouldn't know that. A guy is not going to go up to a woman typically and be like, oh, I just want this. I just want that. It might be just the attention that we're giving her might seem like we like her in that way, or we want a relationship. And I think that goes for all the attention that we might get is just, it's all in one cluster. It's not like a man is going to give you attention a different attention just because you want sex versus different attention just because you want to get with you and be with you for the long haul. It's going to look the same. So when a man approach a woman, she don't know what's his intention until time at the time, maybe through date, so whatever her texting him, she might get that inkling. But nine times out of 10, just him giving her a compliment or trying to get a number don't necessarily mean that he want to see what's up for the long haul or just want sex. Well, for the ladies watching, how would you encourage them to like see the difference? Like what's something that, okay, if he does this, he might actually want to have a long term versus if he's just being a gentleman. Is there a piece of game you can give him? Like we said earlier, time and time. But also, I don't think that... Cause I think if a man really wants something, he's going to go after it and he's going to go after it hard and he's probably going to get it. So even I don't like when the women say, oh, we're going to wait 60 days until this and that happens. Since today's he come, get what happens. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm like. I know some dudes like that. He's two years, I'll be here. Right, yeah. You say, oh wait, one year, out. You know, so it's not really a way for, I would just say timing the way he treats her and how serious he is about making sure that her needs are met too. Not from a financial perspective, but from an emotional perspective too. So I would say those two things, but even then it's not 100% accurate, but I would say those are good ways to at least start to gauge it. Gotcha. So let's talk about mental health, man. Let's talk about your story, right? In as much detail describe for the men watch it, for the women watch it, where you were mentally after your deal, after your situation, after your story, that they have to go watch. But you can put some nuggets in there, but where were you mentally and how have you gone from where you were to where you are now? Mentally, I feel like it's a dark place mentally. You know, excuse me, when you go through anything like that when you're married, of course, first of all, when you get married, you don't envision nothing like that. You don't envision anything taking a turn immediately. So of course, the one thing is the shop, and then next thing you know, after you had that instant shock about what's going on, now you start to think like, well, dang, what I need to do? Am I not good enough as a man? Like you start thinking about all these different things and it take a toll on your mental if you don't control it. And then like I said, you oftentimes got to look yourself in the mirror. So I had to look myself in the mirror and be like, what can I improve on as a man? Even outside the situation, like what can I do to improve myself as a man? And I had to sit down and say, well, Corey, you could be making more money or you could be more passionate about whatever. Like, you have to have that conversation with yourself. And that's how you kind of get over that mental hump. So I think for me mentally at first it was kind of tough, but as the situation went on, I was like, you know something, I'm gonna wipe my hands, would it start fresh 100% over and try to rebuild myself as life goes on. But in that situation, you really don't have many people to talk to as a man. You know what I'm saying? Like you don't have, like yeah, you can talk to your friends. They don't really know how you feel. You can't really mention too much to other people yet. So you kind of have to go through the journey a little bit alone as a man. Cause we're not out here saying, oh, this happened and she cheated on me. You're not really doing that as a man. You know, nine times out of 10, if a man, she don't know a woman, she gonna tell her friends, mom, dad, everybody is gonna know and they can comfort her a little bit more. But usually men, we kind of chalk it to the game. I might've told maybe two of my homeboys. I didn't tell hardly anybody until probably like a year or two later. So it's kind of like going through that process mentally. It's kind of like a long feeling for a little while. Was it a shame thing? Or was it like a fear thing? Probably both. It was a little bit of shame and a little bit of embarrassment, honestly. Embarrassment and shame, honestly. And that's how you feel as a man, especially if you got down on one knee, paid for this ring, and then all this happened. You were like, dang, I did all this and all this just went off into its own direction in less than a year, quickly. So everything plummeted and happened so fast, like I said. But yeah, that aspect of just being alone can kind of take a toll on you mentally. But once you get over that hurdle and really start to do some self-evaluation, I think that's when you really start to go up from there. Have you, I'm sure like after you told your story, some people reached out. Some people said maybe me too. Oh, yeah. No pun intended. But some people, men started expressing themselves. Yeah. A lot of times, some of the critiques I hear from women is men don't express themselves. Men don't talk. Men don't communicate. Men don't tell their stories. Being a man who has a story to tell, yeah. Why is that? Because for one, probably more so of judgment and how they feel other men would perceive them. I think that's the main thing. But the reason why I put the video out is for one, because I wanted to share light on the scenario in which of how it happened and how these things can happen to men too. Most time you just see women talking about the stories, but you don't see men talking about the stories or what happened. And what I realized is, is way more men that dealt with it than I thought it was women. So like I had dozens of emails, comment sections, people on Instagram, man, I'm glad you said the story. I wish I could say this too. Or the same thing happened to me. Or it was a lot. And when I say a lot, I couldn't even read all of them. And they were just like, I'm glad you said this. Now I feel more comfortable with my situation because I felt alone and I didn't feel, I was like, dang, it's a lot of men talking about this. But not many men put it out there. So it seemed like it don't happen that much, but it actually happened way more than we think it do. So yeah, I think for the most part, men don't typically say something until they find someone that they can relate to. But if they don't know anyone in their friend circle that might've spoke up about it or someone that they know that might've spoke up about it, they're not gonna say nothing. But if they had someone in their friend group or someone that they knew that went through something similar, then they'd probably attach themselves to it or they wouldn't feel like they're on an island type per se. That's how I feel. Because like I said, once that video dropped and they started getting view after view after view, it was email after email, DMs. You can look at the comment section, comment section, it's filled up with just similar stories, if not worse than the one I had. So yeah. And after your experience, do you feel like what leads men to infidelity is different than what leads women to infidelity? Or would you say it's the same thing? I think it's different. I think it's different. It's definitely different. I think women is basically, usually based off of providing, I feel like. I feel like if a man, and this might be a stretch, but I feel like if a man can no longer provide the way that he was providing before or don't provide in the way that she would want her man to, if another man come along and say, hey, I could show you this lifestyle. You could have this. This is what it would be like being with me. I guarantee you, she may not tiptoe right then and there, but it will place a nugget in her head like, dang, I'm with this dude, but I'm getting offered this. You know what I'm saying? I think that little bit of nugget can cause a woman to tiptoe into another territory. I'm not gonna say it's concrete that that could happen, but I think that's what could happen. Versus men, I feel like it just gotta be something, maybe a woman that might look fine or something. He looks different. Yeah, you know, yeah, you know something different. He just might be like, you know something? I'm gonna see what's going on and don't have no emotional type of attachment or nothing to the woman. And versus women, sometimes it's more of an emotional attachment because it's something else that's coming out of it other than just sex. It might be money, it might be a lifestyle, it might be the way that this person can uplift her life. It might be something, but it's something that her current man can't offer and she will see what it might could be like. Well, why do you think, and this question is kind of elaborating on what you're saying. Yeah. But it does seem to be the case that women are more likely to take a man back after infidelity than men are to take a woman back. Why do you think that is? Because a lot of times if a woman see that they man cheated deep down, she know that it might've just been a one and done thing. He's not attached to that woman like that. I'm pretty sure if that happened, he might've went and I'm not saying this, okay, I don't, I'm not condoning this, but he might've went, had sex with the woman, came back and still treated her the same exact way. And she know that. Ain't nothing changed on her end, but he just happened to have sex with another woman. It's still bad, but nothing changed in her lifestyle. But when a woman cheat now, this is the hard part. When a woman cheats, it's more of an emotional attachment and usually it's because it's something her man cannot provide at all. And the man know that and he like, dang, I can't, I can't compete with that. Like, she wanna be with him now. She wanna be with him, so you gotta let, and like I said, it's, I'm not condoning it at all, but that's what, at least from the stories that I've heard and seen from guys I know, women that I know, that seems to be the way it is. And can guys get emotionally attached to a woman they cheated with? Probably so, but do it happen most of the time? No, I don't think so. This is my theory brother, my theory is this. So the utility of sex ultimately is to procreate. Right, you know what I'm saying? So the pleasure part is like a catalyst to the procreation piece. And because of that is so many more boxes a woman needs to check to decide, okay, I'm signing up to potentially be impregnated by this man versus the boxes men have to check to say, I'm gonna give up my seat. Right, right. And with the way that it works, let's say both people cheat on each other and come home and try to make a baby. He can still impregnate her, but if she was already pregnant, she can't get pregnant again for at least another nine months plus six weeks. And I've been telling women like that's why it's different because like you're off limits emotionally and physically if it gets to that point. And that's why like, you know what I'm saying? And also people hate to hear this, but women control sex. We as men can only do what a woman allows us to do. We can only do what a woman can allow us to do, or we behind bars. We in jail. A woman has full control over sex. You control when it happens, how it happens, where it happens, if she want it to happen. We can like nudge, be like, you know, I'm trying to, you know, but we can't ultimately do nothing until she give us the green light. Otherwise we in jail. So women have full control over that area. You know what I'm saying? So I feel like that kind of adds to your statement too. Like it's a lot of control that women have over sex and you know, we can only do what's allowed. So I was talking to this brother, Dr. Tia Sanjonson. I reference him a lot in my videos, but he's a black masculinist studies professor. I think he's a Fresno state. But he was pretty much saying that, we were talking about this thing called son husband's husband's sons and things like that. And he was pretty much saying that part of the reason so many young boys, you know, they get to the age of 20 for instance, and they feel like they're ready to take that extra leap is because in some cases, they've been their mom's husband since he was 11, right? So at 20, he's the perfect man for a 37 year old woman. But not. But not a 27 year old woman. And that's why he prematurely jumps into marriage. And do you feel like there's anything there? Yeah, I do feel like, like you said, I feel like that's an accurate statement. I do feel like, especially as a guy, as a boy growing up, especially if you're close with your mom, even if you're closer to your dad, your mom's still gonna be like, you better make sure you treat women right. You better do this and you better not do this flowers. Make sure you get a flowers on this day. And you be like, okay, well, of course, that seems like it will make my mom happy. You will want to do that too. And but a lot of men don't get the advice where make sure that's the woman you need to do that for. Not every woman needs to deserve that treatment, but you don't get the advice that not, you don't supposed to do that with every woman or every woman you're interested in and things of that nature. But yeah, I agree with your point. Unless you have like a male figure in your life or someone that can kind of chop that up for you, you're gonna go out there and you're gonna get them flowers and chocolates or whatever to every girl you talk to. Because that's the way moms told you, like that's what's gonna make a woman happy. So, yeah, I agree with that. Moms can definitely be a pro and con to certain things. That's a fair list today. And going back to my other question about the manuscript, I think like even when we talk about the concept of the red pill from the Matrix and shit like that, it's what you thought life was and what life actually is. So like, is there or are there some counterintuitive truths that you've learned about women? Like I thought women were like this, but the reality is most of them are like this. I mean, I feel like growing up as a boy, you always assume that women, all women at least, all women want the good guy. All women want the guy that's gonna be at their doorstep. You know, all women. But then as you get older. Guitar and shit. Yeah. We know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But as you get older and as you start dating, you realize you come across women that prefer the opposite. That prefer the bad guy or prefer who would be deemed the bad guy. I prefer someone that's not giving her attention. Someone that is, that seems mostly unavailable. But I feel like that stems from coming from a toxic background too. So I feel like that's how we're kind of program as young boys is like, yeah, these women want the good guy to do this, that, this and that. And this is not to say that you should go out here and try to be a bad guy and not be who you truly are, but you still should be cognizant that there are women out here that's gonna wanna be with a bad guy and someone that's not giving her no attention at all. So and not be naive to it. So that's why I tell people, you know, it's okay to be true and authentic to you. If you are authentically a good dude, be a good dude. You just gotta know where to position yourself. You can't just be a good dude to every woman. And if you ain't shit or a bad dude, you know, if that's truly who you are, you be that. And it's gonna be women that's gonna flock to you because of that. But I don't think it should be a switch up like, oh, I'm good and I'm gonna be bad and I'm good, I'm gonna be bad. But you still can't be naive to the fact that not all women want this genuine, solid good dude. And it's hard to say that because when you think about it, most women grow up thinking about marriage. Why would you wanna be married? It's just one that ain't a good, solid dude. But- One of the responses I got when I ask women that is, excuse me, peace is scary. You know, like if you grow up in a situation to your point that's tumultuous, that's normal versus when you encounter a good dude who is trying to buy you flowers, who is trying to treat you good. It's like you're in this state of mind where you feel like you're holding your breath. Like is this shit gonna last? You know what I'm saying? Is he eventually gonna punch me in the face? And they don't wanna latch on to it and it's taken away like that. Exactly, so it's like an avoidant attachment style. So for a dude, like I remember it was a question going around Facebook, can somebody raised on love and somebody raised on survival coexist? So for a dude who let's say he had a good upbringing, he does wanna do right, he does wanna treat women good, but the case is unfortunately for the, I'm not even gonna say the majority, for a great number of women in our community, they're coming from situations where peace is not their default. How does a good dude navigate that? If he's committed to, okay, I want a black woman, I don't want an Hispanic woman, a white woman. How do you navigate that? Honestly, I feel like being genuine and authentic and true to yourself is the first way to navigate because it's easier to switch up like, well, this is what they want, so I'm gonna have to give them this. I think you should still be who you truly are. That's one. And two is truly vet the women because I feel like a lot of times, at least from my experience where I know like, maybe some guys that I know that might've been brought up in a great household, two-parent household church every Sunday, things like that sometimes end up being naive to the fact that it's gonna be women out there that don't prefer that, but they feel like since they're that, they would easily get away into the door because they should be the ultimate catch. So vetting the woman properly would help you from wasting time because if you just automatically assume like, okay, I'm a good dude, I got this going on, she, I should treat her like this without really vetting her and understanding what she truly want as a woman, that'll save you some time. Because nine times I've seen you kind of tell if she the type of woman that will want that or is she the type of woman where she don't even care about that. Nine times, I'll tell you, you could ask her, do you like flowers like that? Do what you do with flowers after the day? After one day, you water them, you like, what you do? And then that can let you know like, okay, she don't really care about flowers and that can position you in the right way to at least go about the situation in the best way possible while still being 100% herself. Do nice guys finish last? In some scenarios, unfortunately. In some scenarios, I ain't gonna say all the time, but in some scenarios, yes, I think so. Bring that down. Well, first of all, when you even hear the term nice guy, what do comes to mind? And then what does it mean to finish last? Right, I think the term nice guy has been turned into a negative connotation now when it comes to men, unfortunately. So I feel like if someone were to say, but do this nice, I assume that, you know, they just this good overall good character, you know, well-rounded easily, can easily be taught two things like that. But I feel like that's different for me if a woman were to say, oh, this is a nice guy. I think the connotation is different now. But to finish last, I feel like to me, that would mean do chasing a woman and doing everything that he's supposed to do as a man for the woman, and still don't ultimately end up with the woman. And she go off and go give Pookey and Ray Ray. No good, it's not true. You did all the work, but Pookey and Ray Ray just got a texture. You don't finish last because you done took on dates, you done took it to the park, you done had a picnic with her, you done text a good morning, beautiful every morning. And Pookey and Ray Ray just text that, 11 p.m. yo, what you up to? Nothing, come through, she slide through. You done finish last, my boy.